HEALTHYASHLEY   20,870
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Doing things that scare me: Signed up for my first 5K!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

It scares me to even write this. When I started SP I watched so many people talk about running and doing 5K's and I never ever believed I would be one of them. NEVER. As I got healthier and more fit I thought about it over and over again but didn't feel I was ready. A girl that I work with runs them all the time and I finally just said "screw it, what are you afraid of?" and I asked her to do one with me. She was SO excited and immediately said yes.

When I mentioned it on SP KARVY09 mentioned she would like to do it as well so now I get to meet my first SP friend! Another 2 friends from high school, one of which I haven't seen in 15 years, emailed me through FB and asked if they could join. Look at how far the spark can spread! It is fun to find friends again that have the same interests in being active as I do.
Now this won't be the first time in my life I have ever run this much emoticon but it will be the first time in 14 years that I have run for anything more than an ice cream truck.

I was in my younger days very athletic and in decent shape and I am finding that my body remembers those days so it is easier for me to get back in shape than it might be for someone who was never active in their lives. Muscle memory is an amazing thing. The run we chose is along the beach in this nice little Massachusetts coastal town and it welcomes all fitness levels so I think it is a perfect choice for all of us. I officially signed up about an hour ago now and because I am in the first 150 people I get the free entry T-shirt. Most likely I will never wear but I might frame it. It is a trophy on my way to better health. I am doing this! I am changing my life. I will be a healthy weight again. emoticon emoticon That T-shirt means more to me than anyone probably realizes.
So I say to you who are ready this and may have just started out or are having doubts about yourself. I used to be 345 lbs and couldn't walk around the mall and I am going to RUN a 5K. This is possible for you if you want it to be.

Edit: VEGANINSALEM just signed up too! Woot! I am starting the c25k this week. I have trust the program will get me ready in time. 13 weeks to go!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEACHFATCAT 2/16/2011 8:34AM

    Just so you know. you will see people run and then walk a bit and then run some more when you do your 5K. I was afraid it was just run run run and that I couldn't make it, but honestly, a lot of folks stop to walk for a bit then run again.
Congratulations on making the commitment.

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ROSIEP7 2/12/2011 9:24AM

    Congratulations! I did C25K at the end of last year and, like you, I knew I'd done the distance before (albeit a long time ago) which really helped. I echo Martella3's comment - week 5 lasted about 3 weeks for me! But then it clicked and I ran 5k two weeks later! After a certain amount of practice, I'm sure it's more to do with the mind than the body. I give myself little goals (another few minutes, another 1/4 mile) rather than think about the whole distance.

Good luck!

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KENNYWHEELS 2/12/2011 12:41AM

    that is awesome. i loved my first 5k. And TheC25K program is an aweome program too.

kenny emoticon

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WENDYSPARKS 2/11/2011 3:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRACIE4ONE 2/11/2011 3:28PM

    Hey Ash, where is the 5K going to be? Just curious.

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CHRISTILYNN1 2/11/2011 11:20AM

    Congratulations!! I am signed up to do my first 5K in April, and I never thought I would do it either!! I still am training, but I know, even if I have to drag myself across the finish line, I will make it!

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CHRISTIEYCPTWIN 2/11/2011 10:11AM

    Congrats on signing up for the 5k, that's so exciting! You can do it!! I'm signing up for one in April. A few months ago I couldn't run at all, then I did the C25k program. Now I can run a 5k pretty easily, just not very fast. The C25k program worked wonders for me! Goodluck and keep us updated on how your training goes.

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PEDNURSEMOM 2/11/2011 9:58AM

    Goodluck I'm sure you can do it. I'm doing the c25k program and I think it works great!!!!
I'm doing a 5k in april but I"m still afraid to sign up. It's great that you already signed up so no turning back!
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BRIANJCOOPER1 2/11/2011 9:20AM

    Congrats! 20 years ago, I was smoking two packs a day and was in terrible shape. I quit and for the first time in my life was over 135 lbs....I went up to 220! I was working for a regional medical center and they had a good employee health promotion program. I too had run in high school, but that had been a while and the weight + the smoking put me in a deep hole. The director of the program was a friend of mine and told me I would be running a 5k ...scared me to death. But I soldiered on and had a great experience. The running community was there (in Tulsa) a bunch of nuts and really were supportive. Now, 20 years later and another state and place, they are just the same. Never look back, its one of the most fun things you can ever do - and raise money for good causes as well. Good works for yourself and others!

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MARTELLA3 2/11/2011 9:00AM

    KARVY09's blog "Running While Chunky" opened my eyes to the possibility that I too could be a runner. I ran my first 5K in November and will run my first half-marathon in May. It is so exciting and I am glad you are on board.

My only unsolicited bit of advice: don't get discouraged if you have to repeat any of the C2K weeks. Especially the first 3 or 4 weeks, it seems like a big increase in running over walking. You'll be amazed as you run for 30 minutes!!! emoticon

Marty

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ALLYSNEWLIFE 2/11/2011 8:32AM

    Congrats for signing up. I think that is the scarest part. I know it was for me. I'm doing my first 5k in three weeks. I'm no where near ready to run the whole thing but I'm not letting that stop me! I can't wait to hear how you did!!!

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MSANITAL 2/11/2011 7:03AM

    Congrats on signing up for a 5k..I think once you do one you will be posting here weekly all the ones that you will be doing..I am signed up to do two so far in the Spring.. so lets look forward to this healthy choice we made we can do it we are unstoppable..


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JETERSGAL729 2/11/2011 6:47AM

    You can do it and will kill it!! But be forewarned - you will become addicted and start searching for more races like me! :)

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ROSEWCI 2/11/2011 6:37AM

    emoticon I'm so HAPPY for you! emoticon

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KATHLOW 2/11/2011 3:15AM

    great! i'll be cheering you on, virtually!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/10/2011 11:08PM

    emoticon I am so proud and so excited for you!

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OLSEN9310 2/10/2011 11:01PM

    you are going to love it & will want to run another. I ran my first race last June, 2 more 5k's later in the year....just signed up to run a 1/2 marathon in April....yes, it is nuts, but I LOVE IT!

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PELESJEWEL 2/10/2011 10:19PM

    emoticon C25k - will change your life. "RUNNING CHANGES EVERYTHING!" I said here first!

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GRACEISENUF 2/10/2011 10:00PM

    How great! KARVY09 is one of my spark heros...love her spunk!

You are going to do so well and feel such a sense of accomplishment...WOO HOO!

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MISSYRH3 2/10/2011 9:24PM

  congrats

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BRENNA_JOYS 2/10/2011 9:20PM

    Awesome!!! Great Job! That is my one goal this year and when I get to Hawaii and settled in im going to start the C25K also. Let me know how is goes and good luck :)

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AUNTIELES53 2/10/2011 9:19PM

    yayayay sooo amazing :)

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MRSSIBRAT 2/10/2011 8:56PM

    I am SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!! and I can guarentee you will be proud of yourself too!!!

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REM-CYCLES 2/10/2011 8:40PM

    Very awesome Ashley!!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 2/10/2011 7:52PM

    How awesome is that!!! This Spark Bug is CONTAGIOUS!!!

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TWINSMOMMY607 2/10/2011 6:09PM

    I am so proud of you. You will kick ass!!

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GETFIT2LIVE 2/10/2011 6:03PM

    How fun to have your first 5K be one with a whole group of friends! You can trust the C25K; it works. Have a fabulous time!!

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CHICAT63 2/10/2011 4:47PM

    I have a scrapbook with all my run bibs, with my time and pace plus some pictures. You will do great Ashley emoticon

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RIGBY31 2/10/2011 4:04PM

    Whoa Nelly! emoticon

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XTMONT 2/10/2011 3:53PM

    Amazing! I've kept my bibs from all three of the 5k's I've run!

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29MOMOF4 2/10/2011 3:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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NANHBH 2/10/2011 3:32PM

    Ash,
emoticon
What a milestone for you! Keep up the good work. You are doing an amazing job!

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WILLIAMV3 2/10/2011 3:31PM

    That is great! Yay for you! I'm so proud of you!!! emoticon

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PHDMAMA06 2/10/2011 3:14PM

    What an exciting step!
Best of luck and HAVE FUN!

emoticon

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FIRENUT34 2/10/2011 3:06PM

    I have never been a athletic person as I'm not the greatest in coordination. Playing soccer I could kick the ball great, but ask me to dribble the ball and everyone could steal it from me. I hated to run in the military as I was always the one in the back trying to breathe. At age 46, I worked and did my first 5k at Disneyworld. Now at age 48 I have lost 45 pounds and completed my third full Marathon in 64 days. I get nervous at all the races, but love the feeling of accomplishment. Whether you walk or run your first 5k, nobody will be able to take that away from you. Once you do it, you will want to do it again. Its alright to feel nervous, we all been there and it is actually good for you to feel that way. Enjoy it and have a good time. You don't need to race anybody but yourself.

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EMSJOURNEY 2/10/2011 3:02PM

    i live in a "nice little Massachusetts coastal town"! where is the run!? i'm totally curious now. maybe i'll do it too! WOAH!! =)

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CARLA0716 2/10/2011 1:58PM

    I did my first 5K last year, in March. And I had only been running for about a month when I signed up - and even then only sporadically because of the weather! Now that you have something to look forward to, it will keep you motivated... congratualtions! and good luck!

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HIPPICHICK1 2/10/2011 1:54PM

    You are FULL of emoticon sauce!!

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FUNKYKIM 2/10/2011 1:53PM

    Awesome! You are going to be addicted- mark my words lol emoticon

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LEFTCIRCLES 2/10/2011 1:51PM

    You can do it!!!!

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BLYNN710 2/10/2011 1:42PM

    That's awesome. Congratulations!!

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RUNTRILAUGH 2/10/2011 1:38PM

    So excited for you!!!!

emoticon

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ALOFA0509 2/10/2011 1:27PM

   
Yaaaa-Whooooo!!!!!!! How exciting- I completed the C25K and loved it.. I started the program at 319lbs!! YOU Sooo GOT THIS emoticon

Hugs,
Alofa

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LCHADBOURNE 2/10/2011 1:20PM

    Way to go! You will do so great and have so much fun!

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TREASURINGLIFE 2/10/2011 1:16PM

    Wooo-whoooo!!! YOU CAN TO IT!!!! :)

- Michelle

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RAVENSONG37 2/10/2011 1:10PM

    WOOHOO!!! Awesome Ash!!

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MAJTMS 2/10/2011 1:10PM

    How exciting! I can't wait to read the race report, plus it sounds like a beautiful run on the coast.

T

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HEALTHYONE2008 2/10/2011 1:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CALIKIKI 2/10/2011 1:09PM

    YAY you! And post a photo with your new t shirt!

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DUSTYGIRL25 2/10/2011 12:51PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Huge breakthrough/NS victory for me!

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

I am so excited to report this today. One of my biggest battles with my weight is against sugar. If I fantasize about food it is almost always related to desserts and candies. When people will try a dish and tell me it is too sweet I usually look at them like they are crazy. Rarely is anything too sweet for me. EVER.
Last week I mentioned on my status that I had to go to this candy warehouse to buy candy for my client's Valentine's Day candy buffet. Yes, these are the days my job is really fun. However, sending me to a candy warehouse was like sending an alcoholic to a liquor store. I said it to be funny but it is true. I have learned to control myself and I did not buy myself a single thing. However, I did smell it all the way home in the back and it was hard not to want to open it. Gummies, jelly beans and liquorice are particular favorites and that happens to all fall into the mix I purchased.
For me there is not half way with sugar. I just have to cut it out as much as possible. I can't eat just one. I will eat the bag. No, not kidding. You put a whole 1 lb bag of twizzlers on my desk I will eat them until I am sick and the bag is empty. I tried to figure out why I do this and doctor's have always babbled to me about serotonin and tried to put me on some drug to compensate and I would be magically cured. I wasn't and I don't like to take medicine all that much anyway.
The point of all my ramblings was that yesterday I was setting up the buffet in all of the different glass jars and doing a trial run to make sure I liked the design and how it looked so I had to open all the candy. Yes, I ate some. Guess what? I don't like candy anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even as I am typing this I am in total disbelief of how this is even possible. The taste was awful and I felt so sick. I didn't enjoy it at all and I felt angry I wasted the calories. Now some of you may be reading this and not understanding this at all or thinking this was easy for you. This was one of my biggest obstacles to weight loss and a healthy life, EVER. The whole rest of the afternoon I felt sick and I could feel my blood sugar crash and I just felt gross.
What was the precipitous for this huge breakthrough? I don't really know. I feel like it is just the power of healthy eating. When you stop eating all of the processed junk and artificial sweeteners and sugar etc your body just doesn't want it anymore. As easily as we can addicted to that type of diet we can also get turned off of it. At my biggest I used to sit and watch trainers talk about how they enjoyed their whole grain, no butter, no flavor diets and snort to myself and think "It isn't possible". What I have learned is that it really is possible. The days of feeling sick and dizzy all the time. Of feeling exhausted by 3 PM and getting sick every time I got stressed out are pretty much over. My aches and pains diminish every day and are replaced with sore muscles from working out. That kind of pain I welcome emoticon.
So my wonderful SP friends, tell me your latest breakthrough or NS victory. If we focus on these types of improvements we can focus less on the evil scale!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGS4148 3/17/2011 1:21PM

    I totally understand. My big thing was french fries, but after I gave them up for a year, they just tasted like a stick of oil. Isn't it amazing how we can truly change what we enjoy?!?!

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CIVIAV 3/14/2011 11:30PM

    YES this is one of the secrets!

emoticon

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BADASSBLONDIE 2/15/2011 1:39PM

    Wooo hoooo!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

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GO-LOEW 2/13/2011 7:20PM

    ME TOO, ASHLEY, ME TOO. IT IS WONDERFUL TO CONTROL SUGAR INSTEAD OF SUGAR CONTROLLING US!

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CSMARTIE 2/11/2011 3:28PM

    I can't wait for that day too. There is NOTHING to sweet for me! congrats!

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XTMONT 2/10/2011 3:51PM

    What a great breakthrough! I realize that I eat candy mainly when it's in front of me, and I don't actually enjoy it. But if it's there, it will get eaten...usually to "get it out of the house." Never occurs to me to throw it away or better yet JUST NOT EAT IT.

Congratulations!

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KZ-SAMI 2/10/2011 2:27PM

    Awesome! So glad for your breakthrough. Been looking around your Spark page a bit and I find you so funny and motivating. Just curious though- what does NS stand for? No sugar? New self? Just wondering.

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ALOFA0509 2/10/2011 1:34PM

    When I need a chocolate fix which is only around PMS time-- I found these Ghirardelli 60% Cacoa Bittersweet chocolate chips".. I keep them frozen, 16 chips is 80 calories- they are soo filling that I'll SERIOUSLY have abt 6-8 and I'm good. The higher the Cacoa content the better the chocolate for you emoticon ... Loved this Blog!! Congrats on the 5K sign up.. Your gonna Rock

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RAVENSONG37 2/10/2011 1:12PM

    This is truly wonderful! I noticed the other day that my smoothies are getting sweeter, tho I'm not changing them...my body is getting used to the natural sweetness of fruit. It's awesome!!

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MARATHONBOUND 2/10/2011 11:15AM

    That is amazing! WOOHOOOOOO! So proud of you! I did my first 5k last year, and it changed my life! You are doing so well! What 5k did you sign up for, I want to go! Congrats again! emoticon

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AEBROWNSON 2/10/2011 9:39AM

    I'm really glad for your breakthrough, though I want to caution you a bit. This morning in the Healthy Reflection e-mail--Margaret Thatcher once said "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." Today, the candy didn't taste so good, but next week, it might taste wonderful. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, just realistic, and speaking from multiple experiences!

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PATTILYNN224 2/10/2011 9:14AM

    That's amazing! I realized recently that I can't touch anything with sugar either or I start to binge. It makes me feel so crappy and I really don't understand why I do it. I can't wait to get where you're at. Reading your blog has made me hopeful for better things. Yipee!! Thanks!

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TWINSMOMMY607 2/10/2011 7:40AM

    You are awesome!!

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PELESJEWEL 2/9/2011 9:08PM

    emoticon Oh how awesome!! I so hope I get there!!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 2/9/2011 8:14PM

    wooot wooot congratulations!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 2/9/2011 8:00PM

    When I crave sweets its apple related, flan, or creme brule. Mmmmmm! Otherwise, I stay clear. Oh yeah, and I love chocolate. lol. Does that count?? :P

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 2/9/2011 6:18PM

    That's so great Ashley! When things like this happen, it makes me feel like this is going to last. This just isn't another "diet" it's my life. For me, it's cookies - oreos to be specific. I had one last night and couldn't believe I used to eat them by the bag full. Way to go Ashley!

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GIRANIMAL 2/9/2011 6:14PM

    emoticon!

I still struggle with sugar (see today's blog, in fact) so I am WAY impressed!

Mine is fatty, fried foods. I just feel awful if I try to eat them now. And I also can see now much too much red meat ramps up my aches and pains.

Yay you! emoticon

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NAOMI1036 2/9/2011 6:13PM

    I think it's awesome you've gotten to the "why did my body crave this?" stage.

The human body is set to burn the simple sugar known as glucose but, no one's body ever requires refined sugar. Refined sugar, added sugar, complex sugar, high fructose corn syrup; they are all MORE difficult for the body to process than the simple sugar found in veggies, fruits, breads, grains, meat and dairy products.

Even unprocessed natural sugar cane is nowhere near as sweet as the refined sugar we use to sweeten our food. I'm sure there are many here who feel the way you do about sugar but I'm equally certain there are other members whose Achille's heels are (were?) salty or fatty junk or complex carbs.

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PRETTYBLKGYRL 2/9/2011 6:02PM

    emoticon on the breakthrough

& I just happened to have a NSV yesterday. I looked in the mirror & I liked the fact that it looks like I have what appears to be a waistline. I wanted to take a picture to immortalize it, but I had such a long day that it slipped my mind. After losing nearly 140 lbs. it wasn't until yesterday that I realized that I'm ACTUALLY making progress.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/9/2011 6:01PM

    A. Ma. Zing. Seriously, amazing!

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CHANGINGMORGAN 2/9/2011 5:29PM

    Too awesome! You read mine and commented yesterday. Super proud of you!

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KEEPGOING87 2/9/2011 5:16PM

    YAYYY THIS IS GREAT!

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BTRTHANEVA 2/9/2011 5:15PM

    Ashley,
You have crossed a HUGE threshold! It's that mind-body connection. Hard to explain, but great to experience!

My former vice was potato chips. Especially the Cape Cod variety. I'd get the huge bag at BJ's and polish it off at one sitting. After *getting real* with the crap I was feeding my machine, I stopped. Now, I don't even notice them when I'm in the store. They have lost their attraction.

Or perhaps I have gained knowledge and discipline. Eating healthfully is another way I tell myself how much I care about me. Phoenix rising!

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KARLYNCANDOIT 2/9/2011 4:55PM

    Great for you~~ I still have to have a little every day~~

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SUZYGREENBERG94 2/9/2011 4:54PM

    and a happy wednesday indeed!!!! What's a NS victory? not small? no sugar? nuclear sexy?

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MCKATIE2 2/9/2011 4:11PM

    emoticon What a wonderful realization Ashley!!! Fabulous!!! emoticon

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MLRICHARD 2/9/2011 3:07PM

    AWESOME!!!! My new addiction is raisins instead of candy. Also, I now love running instead of sitting in front of the TV.

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MELLYBEANS0919 2/9/2011 2:18PM

    Awesome!! :-) All those candies are tempting to me too!

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NANHBH 2/9/2011 2:17PM

    Ash,

That is a miracle! What wonderful progress you have made, and continue to make! You are so inspiring!
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RIGBY31 2/9/2011 1:45PM

    NSV = just signed up to workout at a private gym, 3x week. The eating plan was given to me (pretty much what I've been eating, but minus some "stuff"). I did a *snort* you health nut trainer you! But I am totally feeling better. Who knew?!

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TIME4CHANGE814 2/9/2011 1:02PM

    that is awesome!! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE if that would happen to me!! i am the same way.. maybe not so much with candy, but bake good, cake cookies etc, omg that is my weakness!! when i go grocery shopping i have to grip the cart with both hands so i dont pick up a mini pack of cupcakes or a piece of cheesecake!!
great job keep up the great work!!! emoticon

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MINENA1 2/9/2011 12:49PM

    Wow that's fantastic girl! CONGRATS!!! emoticon emoticon Mine weakness is chocolate. YUMMO! But I haven't had chocolate in a long time. And the last time I DID eat it I got a headache. Weird! You're doing awesome! WOO HOO!

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BELLALUCIA 2/9/2011 12:35PM

    Great job honey!

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DUSTYGIRL25 2/9/2011 12:28PM

    Ice Cream! emoticon Ice Cream was my huge downfall. Large bowls of it everyday for years! In fact since I was a kid, although then it didn't faze me, it does now.
I don't eat it anymore except maybe once a month and even that's a very small amount. I have finally gotten over it, And it feels good!
I'm with ya! We really don't need all those sweets. I was never a candy person, but I liked the fat foods more, cookies, cake and of course ice cream.
It feels good to kick the habit. emoticon
Woo Hoo for You!! emoticon emoticon

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STREAKFREAK 2/9/2011 12:22PM

    emoticon

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HEALING_LORI 2/9/2011 12:13PM

    I'm sure this will help make the journey a bit easier for you!

Funny story ~ So last night after my daughters basketball game we headed to the washrooms. Earlier I had a craving (wich I actually don't have often - thank God) for something sweet so I stopped to grab a pack of gum! Sure enough I grabbed gum but somehow I slipped a pack of Mentos in there too! I had them in the pocket of my jacket and somehow when I stood up, they slipped into the toilet just as I had flushed.... and down the drain they went! The whole unopened package! People must have thought I'd absolutely lost it because I started laughing sooo hard to myself! I guess they were just not meant to be!!! my daughter and I laughed all the way home!
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HEALTHY4ME 2/9/2011 11:26AM

    OMG sign me up LOL as if I don't know what to do. Mine sweet is gummies omg eat and eat and yea you know. Well they still tempt me, I haven't gotten that far yet but hope to some day.CONGRATS to a great victory and know you can continue doing this. You are doing great!!!! emoticon

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CHEF4RENT 2/9/2011 11:06AM

    WooHoo!! This last weekend I had a very similar experience. On my first "cheat day". It feels SO good.

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TYCA41458 2/9/2011 10:54AM

    Ashley- Your words sound so familiar! I HAD broken my sugar addiction until Christmas time, and then someone at work brought in York peppermint patties. One was all it took and I was done. I'll take your words of inspiration to get back to where I was. Congratulations!!!

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KOMONDOR 2/9/2011 10:42AM

    It's probably such a relief to have that off the table. Probably worth a day of the yucks.

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PIXIECN 2/9/2011 10:35AM

  Woohoo! What an awesome blog!! I'm so happy for you! This is something I'm still working on - sugar and carbs are definitely my downfalls. WTG!!

However - NSV's - I have to get rid of another pair of pants! They're to the point where they're inappropriate for work now, they sag too much and drag on the floor. Even though the scale barely moves for me anymore, I can see the difference in my clothing!

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FUZZY1TOO 2/9/2011 10:35AM

    I know exactly what you are talking about! I used to be the same way with candy and baked goods and now, for the most part, I can take it or leave it. It is very odd to look at a cake and almost feel physically ill at the thought of eating it.
emoticon
Way to go! Proud of you for realizing what your weakness was and facing it the way you did. What a powerful moment for you this week.
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KATHLOW 2/9/2011 10:29AM

    i did the same thing! I went in for one of this bags of mixed candy (sour candy being my particular downfall)last week, cause i was tired and blah and just heard i didn't get a job i wanted - all very good excuses ;-). Candy tasted like crap, threw away more than half the bag, was nauseous all evening.

Amazing huh?

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RIVERDLC 2/9/2011 10:27AM

    Wow. I still have a sweet treat now and again but I envy you. I don't know if I ever will give sweets up. Good for you Ashley!

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SEESTARS 2/9/2011 10:13AM

    I am still struggling with the hook up between my brain and my body. My brain still thinks my body likes that junk, but now I get those same feelings you were describing if I eat it. Or I'm just soooooo disappointed with the poor quality of something that looked/smelled so good on the plate but just doesn't live up to the hype once you put it in your mouth (and on your nutrition tracker).
My NS victory this week is that after taking time off from cardio due to a bad chest cold I am actually craving getting back on the elliptical. It was all I could think of on my way home from work last night! Instead of a sugar fix I needed my exercise fix. emoticon

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SWELL10 2/9/2011 9:57AM

    I totally get this! I too am a recovering sugar addict. I used to say (in all seriousness) I love sweets and I love bread and if you give me sweet bread (ie. donuts/cinnamon rolls) I'm in heaven.

I have to be all or nothing with sugar. No sugary desserts, candy, etc.

Yesterday I had lunch out and had a salad with poppyseed dressing (way to sugary) and I ate one white roll. I was sick all afternoon. I couldn't think, my brain was fuzzy and I was sooooo tired. I don't like that and don't want to repeat that anymore.

WAY TO GO!!!! emoticon

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FIZZYBALL 2/9/2011 9:45AM

    Congrats Ashley....My most recent NS victory could be running...(ran for 6 mns)....I don't like running and I don't think I ever will but it is a calorie burner and I do enjoy the feeling of accomplishment afterwards.

Comment edited on: 2/9/2011 9:46:12 AM

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MAMADWARF 2/9/2011 9:44AM

    wow, ash. Really. WOW. Im a sugar addict too and I also do better staying away completely but when I eat it, I still love it. rofl. It also makes me want to eat more and more and more when I even have a little bit. I had a skittles attack on superbowl and you know what? I felt like crap too! My last non scale victory was losing 4" recently.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 2/9/2011 9:42AM

    Congratulations. Sugar is a dangerous substance (drug) - so glad you've overcome.

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

What exactly is beautiful?

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Last night I was reading an article about the model Crystal Renn. If you don't know about her she is gorgeous and when she was young she was anorexic and exercised compulsively to get her 5'10" body down to the sample sizes she needed to wear to be a standard model. One day she decided to get healthy and stopped starving herself and exercising entirely and ended up a size 12 or a "plus size" model. She is still gorgeous. Unfortunately she went to both extremes, too thin and then not exercising at all. Neither one of those is good for your body. When she decided to find balance and exercise a healthy amount she found her body is naturally around a size 8. For this she has received harsh criticism. She is "too fat" to be a regular model but too small to be "plus size". Her comment to the magazine was something to the effect of"why can't I just be what I am, why do people have to care what size I am?".

I thought about this article all night. I remember when Jennifer Hudson and Sara Rue both lost weight and I read some rather harsh blogs on SP about how they had "abandoned" their plus size sisters. Both of these women had faced harsh criticism in the past for being too big and once they inarguably got healthier they were criticized for that as well. Why is someone's size so important to other people? Why do we project our own body issues on friends, family and even celebrities?

What exactly is beautiful? For a long time I thought beautiful had to fit a mold. Petite, thin, perfect figure, shiny hair and if I wasn't those things than I was nothing and I didn't have a place. What I realized over the past year is nobody is perfect but we can be happy. We can love ourselves for whomever we choose to be. The perfect body is what we choose for it to be. If you are happy at a size 16 and lead a fulfilling life than why do we need to label it "plus size". Why does a size have to have any label at all? Nobody has to live in your body but you and you can decide what is healthy for you. No, I am not advocating any specific size. I am saying that if you are eating a normal, healthy diet in a reasonable calorie range and working out for your health and personal enjoyment and not obsessively to lose weight than wherever your body falls in that size range is fine.

When I started I wanted to be a specific size and a specific weight. Basically just smaller than I can remember being in my entire adult life. I am less worried about that now. I just want to be healthy. I want to be able to run a 5K and not feel like I am going to die. I want to be able to hike with my family and play at the beach. Whatever size I end up will be ok as long as I can live the active life I want to lead. Beauty is in everything and you get to decide what is beautiful. If we all work to change our shallow culture it can happen. It starts inside us and our own attitudes about our bodies. You are beautiful as you are, getting healthy. Healthy is beautiful.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAD062010 2/22/2011 11:17AM

    Wow... great entry. Makes you think!

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SARCASTICGRL 2/15/2011 5:56PM

    ABSOLUTELY! I completely agree! Wonderfully worded! We all need to find that love of ourselves and everything else will fall into place. That is what I'm workin on right now! Thanks for your post!

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MACEWOMAN 2/15/2011 5:20PM

    Definitely true!

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ELMAYNET 2/15/2011 1:25PM

    Loved this!! At age 50, I decided that beautiful is that smiling face I greet in the mirror each morning... life changes when that becomes your truth :)

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TENACIOUSTIGER 2/14/2011 10:46AM

    good rememinder sometimes i get a bit obsessive about BMI or other norms i think i should achieve emoticon

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DAINALYNN 2/12/2011 5:22PM

    Great blog! I agree that healthy should a goal, skinny should not. I aim to have a strong body (and hopefully a strong mind to go with it), rather than a tiny pair of jeans or an obsession with my size. Amen, sister!

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CNIANE 2/11/2011 10:39AM

    This is really so true. We need to stop trying to live the lives everyone says we should and find out what works for us. If we could all do this we'd really be better off and healthier. Great blog! emoticon

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FAERY_FACE 2/11/2011 5:07AM

    Great blog! I SO needed to read this emoticon

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ABB698 2/11/2011 12:38AM

    Ashley,
Well *YOU* are truly beautiful at any size, but I loved the way you put this into perspective! I had a size goal in mind when I first started too. I've actually surpassed that size, and it's not about size anymore. You are so right! It's about feeling good and what your body's limits are that matter!
Thank you for these words of wisdom! Spark on Girlie!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 2/10/2011 9:57PM

    Your blog gets my vote, I truly couldn't agree more. Also why is it anyones business what size a person choses to be?, unless of course it's a family member or close friend who is concerned about a loved ones health.

Thanks for writing this blog Ashley. I hope ALOT of people read it.

Comment edited on: 2/10/2011 9:58:35 PM

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PUNZIE73 2/10/2011 9:48PM

    Your blog really strikes a cord with me as this is something I seem to talk about regularly! It encouraged me to post a blog called "Less jiggle, more bounce." last month after being prodded into fitting some particular celebrity body type. I promise if you read it you will definitely see similarities between our ways of thinking!

Thanks for sharing! Loved it!

Comment edited on: 2/10/2011 9:50:48 PM

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LADYAMAR33 2/10/2011 8:20PM

    so true!

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JESSIEJUICE 2/10/2011 7:49PM

    Exactly. Healthy is beautiful. Thank you for posting this!

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LINDA6105 2/10/2011 7:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BROADBRUSH 2/10/2011 6:23PM

    true beauty is very hard to define - it means different things to many people, but one thing is for sure - it has nothing to do with HOW you look, but HOW you act - how you lead your life and treat other people, other living creatures.
if you buy a cup of coffee for a person who cannot, you are beautiful to them
(and you should think of yourself as beautiful - because kindness in any form
IS beautiful).
just a smile or pat on the back to a child or an elderly person -
or a penny given in the grocery store when some one is short of change -
all this is beautiful.
the rest of it is all window dressing - BB emoticon

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JACKIESJ 2/10/2011 4:40PM

    so true!

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MSCRISSY 2/10/2011 4:18PM

    It seems so hard to be happy with yourself these days. Sometimes I feel so bad about myself and I don't know why. Some days I feel great and confident and others I don't want to leave the house. Why so many ups and downs, why the constant thoughts of inadequacy. Is it Hollywood? Is it TV? How can we help feeling like this with the high level of importance society places on "beauty" and "thinness". How do we escape?? emoticon

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DIXIEBUNNY25 2/10/2011 4:02PM

    Ashley you are so right. Size does not matter. As long as I can play with my daughter and go a whole day of shopping with friends without being out a breathe, my back KILLING me and my feet and legs throbing, then I will be happy. Whatever size that may be.

I think I am very beautiful, but I will feel even more so when I'm healthier. Like my cousin told her mother in law that called her fat, she said "I may be fat, but I'm beautiful and I can diet, however your skinny and ugly and there is nothing you can do about that" LOLLOLOLOLOLOLO

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MABENN 2/10/2011 3:32PM

  Good beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not everyone likes the same

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TRUWRITERLADY 2/10/2011 3:26PM

    emoticon Couldn't agree more! Be your best YOU, and that is beautiful.
emoticon

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ITS_REALITY 2/10/2011 2:49PM

  Bravo! Well said. Thank you so much! I really needed to read this today. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOBABY1908 2/10/2011 1:30PM

    I loved this post.. it's so inspiring!

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EVERLEARNING 2/10/2011 1:19PM

    Thanks for the wise words!

Healthy IS beautiful, indeed!!

emoticon emoticon

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RAVENSONG37 2/10/2011 1:13PM

    Dang. This blog is awesome!

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JCLARIN2003 2/10/2011 1:06PM

    So true!! I love this post!!! emoticon

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CLEANARMYMEDIC 2/10/2011 1:05PM

  Beauty is a healthy, happy you! Glad to see people on here that recognize that! (-:

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IAMMITTENZ 2/10/2011 12:44PM

  I really love this blog...fantastic job! Thank you for putting things into perspective. :)

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SOUL_LOVE 2/10/2011 12:32PM

    Thanks for the great post! I wish our society didn't teach our children such a narrow definition of beautiful. Maybe one day all women's bodies will be considered beautiful... emoticon

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BLUSTAR 2/10/2011 12:04PM

    thank you for this :-)
keep up the great work
Glenda

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ANDRAYAYA 2/10/2011 11:35AM

    Enjoyed your blog!

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SIANREES 2/10/2011 11:20AM

    Loved your comments. I have always had big bones and am just plain bigger than the average gal. I used to compare myself to other girls/women and beat myself up over it. But now I'm the mother of 2 teenage girls and am setting a great example of healthly eating and beauty at any size.

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WELSTEACH 2/10/2011 11:07AM

    Why IS it anybody else's business? Why do we care? I am personally sick to death of seeing stick model's in clothes. It gives me no sense of whether I could wear a style. I gave up years ago on fashion. My "fashion" is jeans and t-shirts or sweats, and an occasional button down shirt. Give me a REAL person in clothes on a runway, and I might be interested.

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ASHOAF1 2/10/2011 10:50AM

  Completely Agreed! Nice post!

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HOLLY404040 2/10/2011 10:42AM

    SO true.


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ALISHA1279 2/10/2011 10:22AM

    Thanks for this blog. It's so easy to get wrapped up in what society thinks, instead of trusting our own opinions of what beautiful is. I really needed to read this today!

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MCJULIEO 2/10/2011 9:36AM

    Healthy IS beautiful.
Thanks.

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QUEEN_REINA 2/10/2011 1:49AM

    Awesome! Thanks for the reminder!

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REDLACED 2/10/2011 12:49AM

    So true!

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DIETMEGAN1990 2/10/2011 12:28AM

  I wrote something along same lines as this! I love Crystal Renn so much, btw. She is such an inspiration to me. I wish that all magazines had more real beautiful women, instead of too thin shapeless androgynous women, oh how awesome that would be!

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DWILCZKO 2/10/2011 12:13AM

  true!

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KLS777 2/9/2011 11:52PM

    Very well said and I couldn't agree more!

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TNLONGHORN 2/9/2011 11:18PM

    Echo that! Nicely said.

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JAMER123 2/9/2011 11:01PM

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Beauty is something that comes from inner peace with yourself.
Beauty is about caring.

There are many things that can qualify as beauty. Mom remarried & is a plus size. Her new husband always called her his BBW. This is big, beautiful woman. He has since passed away but it is one thing mom always talks about. So, if some day you hear someone say BBW, you now know what it is.

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NEENSTER1 2/9/2011 10:40PM

    emoticon emoticon Beautiful.

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CHAR1970 2/9/2011 10:34PM

    I agree whole heartedely! I describe myself as curvy, and I've had people ask "does that mean your fat?" No, it means that I have a figure, with all the lumps and bumps women are supposed to have.

Awesome blog!

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TJLANE3 2/9/2011 10:08PM

    It needs to be said more often and people need to stand up for it proudly. Our society is truly harassing us with ideas that are unhealthy and contradictory. We need to learn to block all that out and make up our own minds about what is right. Thanks for your blog!! emoticon

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MOMJAN96 2/9/2011 9:36PM

    A good reminder, and one that will be in my self-pep-talks for at least the next few days, thanks!

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PELESJEWEL 2/9/2011 9:27PM

    emoticon This really is a BEAUTIFUL blog!

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MARIO432 2/9/2011 9:25PM

    Very well said. Great blog.

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A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 2/9/2011 9:12PM

  Wow! Love it!

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Strength training improves my self esteem and NS victories!

Monday, February 07, 2011

It has been 2 weeks since I went back to gym land and I really missed it A LOT. The scale has yet to budge so I started looking for NS victories to keep me motivated and positive. I hate doing my measurements because I get obsessed with doing it exactly the same way etc but today I decided to do it anyway and just try to relax. I am glad I did because what I learned is...
I lost 1 inch on my waist, 2 on my hips, 1.5 on my thigh, and .5 on both my calves and arms. WOOOOTTT. That is 5.5 inches total! Take that scale. emoticon emoticon

I realized while I was working out the other day that the gym does so much more for me than just make me healthier. It makes me feel good about myself. Saturday my fiancÚ came with me again and I was showing him how to use machines and proper form and I was smiling ear to ear because I realized I am good at this. I am good at teaching people and I like doing it. When I walk away from the weights I feel powerful. When I finish 3 miles of cardio I feel a sense of accomplishment. These victories are mine and nobody and no inanimate object can take them away from me. With every bead of sweat I am actively changing my body and it feels great. There is linear progress that you do not see just with weight loss. 3500 calories burned does not always equal a pound loss HOWEVER there is a direct correlation between how hard you work out and your fitness level. Work hard=better body, stronger heart, more endurance. Period. It is so satisfying.
I decided to get certified as a personal trainer. I may never use it but I want to do it for me. To have the information and the certificate just for myself. With my background in medicine a lot of the anatomy etc will just be review but I work harder when I have goals and I am sure I will learn a lot of ways to get in better shape. I also decided to sign up for a 5 K with my friend at work. She is in fabulous shape and works out a lot and she was so excited I asked her. She does them all the time. The other day at lunch she asked me what I thought about a salad they had put out for us and if it was healthy enough and just little things like that that make me feel really good. That she trusts my opinion. To pass the stage of always being the student and have people look to me for answers is pretty freaking awesome. Yes, I am still a little upset about not seeing numbers on the scale change but with all of these other NS victories I am seeing I am focusing on those. Spring is almost here my friends and we are going to all come out of the gates at top speed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BADASSBLONDIE 2/8/2011 2:00PM

    Gosh, you even sound more confident! Woo hoo! Good for you!

I didn't realize you have a background in medicine. What is it?

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KATHLOW 2/8/2011 5:37AM

    with your background getting your certificate should be a breeze! Enjoy all those ns victories all the way!

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PINK-PEONY 2/7/2011 11:05PM

    Awesome you for setting new goals! I hear the first 5K is only the beginning, though...better be prepared...

There's nothing like strength training for deciding where the curves remain and what gets small. It also makes me feel like a lioness inside, lol, like I am master of the concrete jungle.

Keep going, and keep blogging, please!

Melissa

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DUSTYGIRL25 2/7/2011 10:34PM

    emoticon Ashley!!

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MAMADWARF 2/7/2011 10:30PM

    well now, Look at our girl, ASHLEY! KIcking ass and taking names! wooooooot!!!!! so proud of you!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 2/7/2011 10:10PM

    Thanks for all of the support everybody! I am going to try to run the whole thing so I am going to start the c25k program soon. I used to be able to run that much once upon a time.

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NANHBH 2/7/2011 10:05PM

    Ash,

Fabulous inches lost! Strength training will do it every time! I heard that your body will continue to burn calories for 8 hours after weight training, but only for about an hour after cardio. Keep up the good work!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HANNAH_CALM 2/7/2011 9:51PM

    I am so happy for you! Being a personal trainer would be really good for you, I think you could really do it. Maybe you'll be one of those people that has two jobs on purpose, because they really like both. If your catering business doesn't take all of your time, you could. Or you might decide just to be a personal trainer. I think that your confidence will get a big boost when you have all the knowledge that goes with getting the certification. Congratulations on all of those inches lost! Are you going to be running in the 5K, or walking?

Comment edited on: 2/7/2011 9:52:45 PM

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REM-CYCLES 2/7/2011 8:58PM

    Very cool Ashley!!! Way to go!!! emoticon

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PHEFEY 2/7/2011 8:48PM

    So inspiring! Good luck at the 5k...I'll warn you though-they are super addicting!

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AGENTNER 2/7/2011 7:13PM

    this was awesome to read and really motivated me! thank you. I just got back from the gym myself! The scale isn't moving for me either...it is so discouraging! but I just have to remember that it will move if I keep it up! thanks for sharing!

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F1AMEDIVA 2/7/2011 6:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon 5.5 is great. You are doing amazing. Sometimes the non scale victories are the best.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 2/7/2011 6:41PM

    You are so amazing!

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GIANTMICROBE 2/7/2011 6:09PM

    That's great you have supportive coworkers. Mine are all older (not that that means anything, but...) They're the kind who are like, "Oh, you work out? Must be nice to be young." Ugh.

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BLYNN710 2/7/2011 5:59PM

    Congrats on the NS victories. Keep it up!!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 2/7/2011 4:58PM

    Congrats on the decisions! Personal trainer, 5K runner, how awesome are you? NS victories are the best! WTG on 5.5 lost!

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LISSIEONE 2/7/2011 2:52PM

    I always feel strong after a good strength day!!! That is awesome I am so glad you're feeling better about things!! (((hugs)))

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MUMZY_OF_4 2/7/2011 2:49PM

    Great blog! Exactly the way to look at things. It's the mindset that I've adapted and it's helped me tremendously to not get discouraged. The scale means very little to me anymore. As long as I am seeing my body change and be able to workout harder everyday, I am feeling like I'm winning.

emoticon emoticon

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 2/7/2011 2:43PM

    Way to go Ash, 5.5 inches is AWESOME!! Good luck with EVERYTHING, you are going to OWN 2011, FOR SURE!! :))

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MINENA1 2/7/2011 2:42PM

    Congrats on the inches lost! WOO HOO!! That's awesome girl! emoticon emoticon

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KIBAISREADY 2/7/2011 2:41PM

    That's Awesome... Thanks for sharing this really helped me in turn... I remember when I first started to ST and the scale didn't bulge.... I was discourage and fell off.... I'm so happy that you found other ways to measure your progress... I'm still a little afraid of training since I know the scale may stop, but eventually I will .... Thanks for posting this again it will truly help me once I start ST back! emoticon

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WORTHEYMOM 2/7/2011 2:34PM

    So Awesome!!! 5.5 inches that is super! Keep up the super great work!

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MUSTANGMISSY 2/7/2011 2:34PM

    So awesome to hear about your victory. I think it's great that you're working towards getting your certification. You do girl!

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 2/7/2011 2:26PM

    Woo-hoo for NS victories!! Congrats on the 5.5 inches lost!!

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BLUETIGGER33 2/7/2011 2:25PM

    Awesome. Who doesn't like to see the scale cooperate? It is nice to know that there are other things that we can be proud of (like losing 5.5 inches!) when the scale is being stubborn. Good luck with your personal trainer cert.

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JESSIEJUICE 2/7/2011 2:16PM

    I am so excited to hear about your 5k! And I love the sense of accomplishment you describe. I feel the same way after strength training- totally strong and badass. Also 5.5 inches?? emoticon

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Trying to control my obsessing

Friday, February 04, 2011

My heart and my brain are in a huge fight right now and my brain is winning. I have an obsessive personality, always have and always will. I can worry myself sick over the most ridiculous things. I feel everything that people around me feel which is why I would be a horrendous therapist.
Here are some of the things I obsess about...
Every bite I put in my mouth.
The calories of said bite and if SP is accurate in their counts
Portion sizes
My macros and if I am getting enough of EVERYTHING
Carbs, getting too little or too much
Sugar-wanting to eat it and stopping myself from eating it
Water retention and sodium
Scale fluctuations
How I am doing everything right and it took me three flipping weeks to lose 1 pound

I JUST AM TIRED OF THIS. I am tired of analyzing every bite and still seeing no weight loss.
I go to the gym and gain weight. Yes, I know why. Please do not tell me about hormones and weight retention. I know all of this. I have all the facts because I obsess about that too. I am making myself a neurotic friggin mess. The scale goes away for a few days and then I am right back to it. Today I weight myself 3 times when I woke up to make sure I got the same number 3 times which was by the way .6 lbs more than yesterday. I then weighed myself when I got out of the shower and was up a pound and half and almost smashed my scale again the wall. Seriously.
I can see progress in the last 2 weeks of weight training and I should be happy about that. However, at 263.8 lbs I should be seeing weight loss. Period. I feel like I am failing myself. Like I have to be doing something wrong or I would be losing. Yes, when you are a 160 pounds I can see not losing when working out but not at 260. It just doesn't seem normal. I am sitting here almost in tears because the stress is just eating at me. Uggh. I hope this feeling passes soon.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOIDAEG 2/10/2011 2:11PM

    wow...I could have written this just last week! I think I did write something similar. lol I hate being in this boat but it does happen. Try not to stress out too much about it and forget you are losing weight but remember you are just living a healthier lifestyle. It's hard I know. I obsess too much as well. I weigh myself every day and when it goes up a pound I freak out. It's horrible! But then I see a loss and it's all worth it! I'm sure there's other changes going on in your body too. That's very hard for me to believe too. I measure myself but even then I'm not sure about it.

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CARJAR9810 2/9/2011 8:16PM

    Hey, I am in the same boat! Went to Dr today and he told me that I gained 6 pounds since last year, what he didn't know was that I lost 9 pounds in the past month! So that means I gained 15 pounds in one year and at 260 that is not acceptable. He also said if I didn't lose, I would be on the verge of diabetes! This is definitely my motivator today. It is extremely hard, but I want to be able to see my children get married and have children one day, find something that really will motivate you, for now that is what is doing it for me. It is tough not to see results, but don't give up, I have been exercising every day, cause I don't want my skin to be flabby when I do lose it all and I will and so will you. I stress about every little thing also, and I think that is half my problem, my doctor also said stress affects everyone differently, and my stress probably helps to keep the weight on. Take one day at a time and don't give up. You can do it:))

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MUFFINTIN 2/9/2011 6:12PM

  I could have written this blog entry - I'm going through EXACTLY the same thing! I hope we both get past this hurdle. Good luck :)

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NEED2LUZIT50 2/9/2011 12:33PM

    ASHLEY1977T____ Hey girl, just wanted to write to say you are amazing. It is easy for people to say STOP doing it, easier said than done. The mind is a powerful thing and you can use it to help you cope with your obsessive behaviour. I have good luck with meditation you can do it in 3 minutes it doesn't have to be a long process. If you see in your mind the things you want from your body, ( to be healthy, slimmer etc. ) the body will respond in kind. I am also a very optimistic person and I believe this also helps. I read the book The Secret and it really was worth the time. You can go to the website and get a preview. Good luck to you!!!! emoticon

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MAGGIEROSEBOWL 2/9/2011 9:34AM

    I am also obsessing over my weight loss journey--every waking hour. I used to worry about that (obsessing over obsessing??), but now I realize I NEED to obsess to stay strong in my commitment to losing this weight. I hope I can be this obsessive forever.

I know how frustrating it is when the scale doesn't move--believe me--I KNOW! But it will go down, and when it does, it will go down a lot I bet. My scale does the same thing--it will show a nice loss one day, then the next day (a day of exercising and eating right--and yes I know I weight too often), it will show a gain. And every day after that, for 4 or 5 days in a row, it will show that same gain, sometimes even a bigger gain! FRUSTRATATING! But by Sunday, my official weigh-in day, I usually show a loss, not always, but usually. So hang in there, the loss is coming and when it kicks in, it's gonna be worth the wait I bet!

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HANA11 2/9/2011 2:16AM

  Don't give up. You're doing great!!!!!
Stop obsessing, and everything will be ok!
You're going to feel and see huge improvements in no time!
Hugs.

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SIMPLYANGEL2U 2/9/2011 2:14AM

    OMG - I can totally relate to your blog! I've been totally obsessing about whether or not everything is correctly added on here. My husband is getting annoyed when I ask him EXACTLY what he put in the spagetti sauce etc. But I want to know so I can record it. I feel like if I'm obsessive I HAVE to get results. If I'm not obsessive I don't feel like I'm doing enough. It's funny how sometimes you can read someone's blog and think, omg, I could have written exactly that!
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ALIOOP188 2/8/2011 11:41AM

    I feel the exact same. I have people telling me I'm obsessive over my weight. I watch everything that goes into my mouth. according to SP I have a deficit every day. So how can I gain weight?! I weigh 240 now, I should be losing weight from working out. I'm too big not too. it just doesnt make logical sense to me anymore.

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WRITER_CHICK426 2/7/2011 2:50PM

    Hey, girl! Don't beat yourself up. :-D I bet anything you DO have success you can measure with numbers. It's the kind of success that gives you strength, energy, and *good health.*

Before a dr.'s appt. I "studied" for a month. I was able to do power-walking 15 minutes, twice a day. And added raw fruits & veggies to lunch & snack time. That's it. Well, I got in there, embarrassed that I hadn't lost but 5 pounds from 6 mos. earlier. And was seriously afraid he was going to drop the big "D" (diabetes) diagnosis on me. They drew blood, ran tests, and doc came back with a big smile. "Congratulations! You're Normal!" I almost fell over. This was the success measured in numbers:

Fasting blood sugar = 100 (100 or below)
Cholesterol = 164
LDL (bad chol.) = 99 (below 100)
HDL (good chol.) = 45 (s/b 50 or higher. Ex. will help)
Triglycerides = 100
A1C (tests 3-mo. blood sugar) = 5.4 (s/b below 7.0. 4.6 is optimal)

Doc wanted to know what I did. Just told him I power-walked in short sessions & ate smaller portions. (Forgot to tell him about fruit & veggies.) THE DR. was thrilled with "his" numbers, even tho I wasn't happy with the scale. He said I was far less at risk for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, etc. To HIM, that was a winning situation.

So SEE, :-D
There's more than 1 kind of success to measure. Bet your "numbers" are fantastic! It means you'll have a healthier, happier life, and a *longer* life. With You in control, not a tired body. Sounds like a Win to me! Go measure your "other" numbers, and give yourself a big boost of confidence.

Thanks for taking us on your journey!

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KIBAISREADY 2/7/2011 2:49PM

    I feel the same way... Words of Wisdom that I received: persistence and consistency pays.... It will happen in due time.... emoticon emoticon

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KATHLOW 2/7/2011 3:47AM

    Hugs

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DIVA14K 2/6/2011 8:14PM

    It will pass, I went through the same thing and the scale wasn't moving but the clothes were feeling looser. I waited awhile before I got on the scale again and it did go down. All your hard work has to pay off. I guess we have to have patience on this journey. Keep doing what your doing. I bet you'll be posting a positive post real soon. Hang in their girl!

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HMSF03 2/6/2011 7:58PM

    You are doing great - I want to be able to write that I have lost 73 lbs. My starting weight is near your actual weight. I continuously give excuses, & have my weight to show as my failure.

I have read the successes of others and am inspired. Your postings were great to read. I feel like I could start to succeed.
Thank you.

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NUTS4NUTELLA 2/6/2011 1:44PM

    I really understand what you mean about the whole obsessing over everything problem. I was like that too but now I can safely say that I'm much better than I used to be! In the beginning, it felt like it would never go away, but it has. Just know that it will pass. You are NOT failing yourself. You are making TONS of healthy choices that will help you through this. You have all of us here on Spark supporting you and backing you up! I KNOW you can get through this.
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MELLYBEANS0919 2/5/2011 3:36PM

    Very honest as always. I hope you are able to break the cycle of obsessing. That is not healthy, as I know you know obviously! You are doing everything right, you need to let go and just let your body do its thing.

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REM-CYCLES 2/5/2011 12:28PM

    This has gotta be frustrating, but you are doing the right things, a buddy of mine at work who lost 75 lbs told me when I faced this that we're doing this for our life and health and while the results do not always come as we wish, we're doing the right thing for our health and our life. This doesn't mean we face the frustration of it.
I go through the same thing at times...





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SIMPLE_TAILOR 2/5/2011 11:49AM

    I do hope this passes for you. Just keep with it. You will make the headway you desire.

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MAIA2011 2/5/2011 11:10AM

    It will pass. Knowing it will pass is not helpful in the moment that it hurts.

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Also, I'm not at all convinced on your point why you *would be a horrendous therapist*

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NANHBH 2/4/2011 5:30PM

    Ashley,

The fact that you are doing everything right, and the scale is not budging is maddening! I can feel for you. Are you eating enough calories daily? If you are eating too few, your body will go into starvation mode and slow your metabolism way down to conserve energy. I don't know if that is helpful - just grasping at straws for you! Hang in there, Sweetie. This, too, shall pass.

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GIRANIMAL 2/4/2011 4:56PM

    I'm soooooo sorry, Ashley, and I do know how you feel! I've been in the same predicament. I have actually gained and re-lost the same 5 pounds since MAY. Sometimes I got a little bit sloppy, but only once in awhile (PMS, etc.) so overall I totally get it.

Have you tried varying your calorie range? I've heard people say they get good results by eating on the low end of their range a certain number of days and then interspering that with the the high end a couple of days. I guess it can trick the metabolism into firing.

Or changing up your workout? I think that's my problem, but I struggle to find things I can do safely with my chronic back pain.

Regardless, hang in there, girl. I've heard of longer plateaus. You're too dedicated and too just all-around-awesome not to make it.

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ANNASBF 2/4/2011 4:35PM

    Oh my goodness! You are doing everything right, like caring about what you eat and exercising and all. I have found that it takes a while for the body to pass through phases... like I worked on it so diligently, noticed not much change, and all of a sudden over a few days, things clicked in and some weight was lost. I feel for you when it seems ALL you do is control, control, work-out, feel deprived in hopes of a reward... and begin each day with this process all over again. Please don't give up. Please don't beat yourself up so much. Keep on changing into a heath oriented person and let the pounds take care of themselves. You really don't control all the things you think you do and no amount of obsessing or future predicting is going to help you... in fact, under stress (self-imposed or from an outside source) the body goes into an "uh-oh, we are stressed!" mode and shuts down weight loss and such to prepare for whatever danger we perceive is there. Your background is such that the mysteries and torment of cortisol is something I bet you are familiar with. I hope you work on stress relief, and get a more even feeling in your life. I know that seeing the scale go down is what we all depend on... but I'm worried your frazzled-ness is undoing all the truly great things you are doing. Hopefully this feeling is a today sort of feeling and you get back in balance soon. Take care.

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MARATHONBOUND 2/4/2011 2:27PM

    Everyone has had great responses to this..and I agree with all of them! I feel for ya, and I do understand your frustration. I get this way alot (obsessive)..and I am currently taking a hiatus from weighing in..just to see how I do. I was letting the scale dictate my moods and my life, and it's hard not weighing in, but I needed to step away for a bit. You are doing an awesome job, and I agree with PRETTYBLKGYRL, all of your hard work will catch up to you! You are in my thoughts, and I know you will get through this!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 2/4/2011 1:03PM

    I can relate to a lot of this. I'm a control freak and its hard to let things go. I sense others emotions as well. I use stickers on my calendar to track my fitness days. I total my monthly activity so I can compare it to other weeks. I appreciate you writing this blog.

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CHEF4RENT 2/4/2011 12:58PM

    I think you are getting your head in the right spot. You KNOW how to do this, you just haven't been trusting yourself. Keep up the hard work and learn to let things happen, instead of controlling how things happen. I used to be a very high strung person who had to control every aspect of my life. I noticed I was very harsh with everything and everybody in my life. One day I blew up at my Grandma (I know you are thinking your grandma really!?), it was at that point that I realized how off base my way of thinking was. I at that point decided to live by the part of the serenity prayer "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can". Now whether you believe in god or not you can decide to take control of the things you can change "control attitude" and let the rest go. You don't have to obsess and if you say you do you are obsessing. I think you are on track with where you need to go but it is the hardest thing you will ever do. I know I have done it, and I KNOW you can do it.

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JENRYAN9278 2/4/2011 12:41PM

    emoticon Believe me when I say I know how you feel. I too obssess over soo much that it is unreal. That is one reason I got off track last year and am trying to get back on track now. I obsess over whatever is going on at the moment. When I started spark last time I was on here everyday all the time. Looking up things and posting and learning. then something else happened and that turned into my constant obsession. I have had to learn how to tame that. It is not easy and I find myself doing the same thing. so I know what you are going through. I don't have magic words to help you fix this but I don't. Only thing I know is that my weight loss stalled when I was working out and not eating enough. Funny hw that works but not eating all my calories it said to eat was sabotaging me in more ways than i thought. my body thought i was trying to starve it and wouldn't lose the weight. I am sending positive thoughts and hugs your way and hope you have a better day. I am thinking about you and know that you are not alone in this!
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JLJOYNT 2/4/2011 12:39PM

    Keep your head high Ashley. You should be extremely proud of what you have accomplished so far. You have so much to be proud of. Even though it's difficult just try not to obsess over everything as much. After many years of trial and error I find that if I allow myself one high calorie meal a week it seems to jump start my metabolism again. Also make sure that you are eating enough. If you spend a lot of time in the gym working out you may need more calories each day than what you getting.

Keep smiling and have a better day!! emoticon

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HANNAH_CALM 2/4/2011 12:18PM

    Don't weigh after a bath or shower, because skin cells draw in water, so you will usually weigh more. Also, all the strength training you've been doing is building muscle mass, which weighs more than fat. So you might weigh more right now because of that. But muscle, unlike fat, uses calories to function. So now you will be burning more calories. I'm sure you know this, but I wanted to remind you. And no, it's not abnormal to weigh yourself three times after seeing a gain. Perfectly normal! Gotta check that out... I do that too. I have to be sure. Twelve times would be weird. I hope you feel better soon. Think of the new jeans you just got. Think about how jealous your friends are acting of your progress, not the best motivational tool, but it's there... They want to do it too, because they saw YOU. You're their role model. Must be a reason for that!

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GLORIEE 2/4/2011 12:00PM

    Oh wow! I'm right there with you! Talk about obsessed! Yep, I had to take a step back and lighten up because I was making myself crazy! You know what it is you have to do as far as exercising and you know what you have to eat. So just eyeball it for a while and don't bother with all the details. If you log it, just ballpark it for a while and don't obsess with it. I was measuring my food down to the gram to get a perfectly balanced 40/30/30 meal. I mean I would cut an olive into quarters if I had to!!! I mean really!?! Cut my olive into quarters!?! So boy do I know about obsessing!!! I decided for my sanity that it is what it is, it's gonna be what it's gonna be and as long as I'm doing my best, that's all I gotta do! Go easy on yourself! You haven't come this far by doing the wrong things. Whatever you do, don't lose patience with yourself now. You are on your way to your goal. You are doing what you gotta do!!!

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LISSIEONE 2/4/2011 11:50AM

    We all worry too much about the scale, I do too. I personally wish I could go around and smash all of the scales with a sledge hammer, including mine. Because for every time it has made me feel awesome, there are ten more it has ruined my mood. You know what has helped me, and I hope it will help you too, I try to remember that this isn't a race. I am 25 years old (from your pictures I am assuming you're not far from that age range), I have a long, long time to do this. Whether I am done by 2012, or 2016, it doesn't really make a huge difference. Sure I would like it to be 2012, but in saying that, we have our whole lives to get healthier. Unfortunately this battle won't end when we meet them, it will only continue on with the maintaining it. We have our entire lives ahead of us, all of us do, so relax, enjoy the changes in yourself no matter what they are. Take a break from obsessing over the numbers, and reduce your stress. There is no point in being healthy if you are miserable, because well, misery is unhealthy and counterproductive. You're so beautiful and you've come so far, you deserve to be happy.

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CALIKIKI 2/4/2011 11:43AM

    I so understand. I have been the exact same weight for the past couple of weeks, exactly. How weird and frustrating is it to get on the scale and see the exact same weight? Not een an ounce in difference even though I have been killing myself at my gym classes.

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BRIAEL 2/4/2011 11:34AM

    Ashley, do you keep a tape measure and hand-held body fat monitor close by for the plateau periods?

When I hit a roadblock on weight loss, I turn to other measuring tools and I noticed that I see other successes rather than numbers. If you're noticing that you get "stuck" at certain juncture, try to find alternative ways to make yourself feel successful in your healthy habits. It works for me, and might give you something else to obsess about. ;)

Other than that, I think it's perfectly normal to be obsessive about food and monitoring calories. After all ... we're so focused on what we eat and what exercise we take that the thoughts of food are constantly there. That is enough to make anyone hungry! :)



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PRETTYBLKGYRL 2/4/2011 11:32AM

    I wish I had the magic words to help you shake this funk. I obsessed over those same exact things FOR YEARS!! In fact there were times I wouldn't eat b/c I couldn't weigh my food or b/c I couldn't enter it into SP's tracker to confirm the calories. emoticon That all or nothing attitude was KILLING me & once I hit 364 lbs I told myself I had to get out of my head before I hit 400 lbs. *sad*

Just hang in there & remember someday's will be better than others. & you have to be confident in your choices - if you're doing what you're supposed to do, things WILL evidentially start falling back into place. YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY - so don't turn back now!!! emoticon

(one last thing -- if you're going to weigh, don't do it after you shower - I think the h2o from the shower absorbs into your skin resulting in a heavier weigh-in) (btw: I still weigh myself daily - multiple times sometimes *sigh*)

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KATFOSTER11 2/4/2011 11:26AM

    Ash! There are more of us feeling the same way! I have not lost a damn pound since Christmas. I too am discouraged and obsess about my food tracking and absolutely everything that I eat and every calorie I burn (what if the treadmill is wrong?!- gasp)

Keep Going! these pounds coming off have to catch up to us and our determination somehow.
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HEALTHYASHLEY 2/4/2011 11:06AM

    I was eating around 1300 most days. This past week I upped it to 1500 and even started really watching my protein but still nope. Just keep fluctuating all around. I retain water like nobody's business. Its annoying. I keep hoping that when I hit the 1 month mark of weight training I will see the big drop everyone swears happens. We will see. Maybe my body is storing fat because of this miserable winter.

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 2/4/2011 11:04AM

    Not even 2 weeks? ago I was feeling the same way. It's so flipping frustrating to KNOW your doing what needs to be done to see a loss and it's not happening. Sounds like your body is fighting the loss, you know it wants to hang on for dear life to every bit. I know that with myself I have noticed that if I go a while without seeing a change anywhere that if I "cheat" for a day or two. I don't mean binge but like resort to your old habits and food choices just for 1-2 days and then get back on track things start to move again. But thats just for me, its like it tricks my body into thinking I have went back to my old ways and them BAM I surprise it with better choices and usually the next morning I will see a loss.

I agree with everyone else, STOP torturing yourself with the scale everyday, I know we want to see the numbers because it makes it seem "realer" even though it doesn't but weighing yourself regularly could end up being detrimental to our loss. A year from now, do you see yourself weighing everyday? Even 2 years from now? Maybe try picking a weekly or monthy weigh in day will help. Sometimes waiting a while to weigh while being on track there will be a lower number than the weigh in before.

I have no doubt that your gonna figure out your grind again Ash. You will.


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RONNYGIRL39 2/4/2011 10:59AM

    Oh Man! I hear ya too. Just think of how your body is feeling from working out at the gym. I know when I started working out more I could feel a big change in my body.Feeling muscles you didn't know you had and losing inches is also good.. I keep gaining and losing a few pounds every week..I also get upset but try to look forward to spring and how awesome you will feel by then.. Its a struggle for so many of us. Some time I even say screw it and have a day of eating what ever I want. That will screw with your body to keep it guessing..I don't know I hope it helped.

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RED_WRITINGHOOD 2/4/2011 10:59AM

    I think maybe you need to lose the scale. Go by how you feel and how your clothes fit. Eating too few calories can be an issue as well. I definitely hear you I can be obsessive myself. Just don't get discouraged.

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LITTLEONEJLC 2/4/2011 10:57AM

    Sucks when that happens. Maybe you should give yourself a small reward for sticking with the program, even when the scale didn't cooperate. Hang in there!

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KARLYNCANDOIT 2/4/2011 10:53AM

    How many calories are you eating??? Maybe you need more, I was eating to few I upped it and bam, weight started droping~~ emoticon

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BRAINYBLONDE5 2/4/2011 10:49AM

    obsessing is TERRIBLE! and its so hard to stop once you start doing it. counting and numbers UGH its all so overwhelming some days! but you are human! you are beautiful! you are not a robot! so give yourself a break! that stupid scale and stupid numbers are not the be-all-and-end-all! keep doing what makes you feel good & youll see results! :) emoticon

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GPENSRAE 2/4/2011 10:24AM

    Ah hun...I used to do some of the same things. I'd definitely follow the advice of others and break up with the scale. I used to let it dictate my mood for the day and eventually I said no more. Now I focus on how far I ran, the intensity of my workout, the healthy meal I just created, or mastering a new fitness move (can we say planks!?!) You are doing all the right things, just focus on that and you'll feel 100% better!

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PHEFEY 2/4/2011 10:22AM

    Hard times will pass...I can promise you that if you stay focused and keep with the lifestyle it will pass. It happens to everyone and I know how frustrating it it first hand. You can do this!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 2/4/2011 10:11AM

    I totally get you! I've been going through this since Thanksgiving. Losing and gaining the same 3-4 lbs. Everything was fine when the scale kept going down, but now, like you, I'm obsessed and it sucks! What does the scale say, what did I eat, are my calculations correct? I'm hoping I'll get over this as well.
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Comment edited on: 2/4/2011 10:12:41 AM

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SLFRISBEY 2/4/2011 10:07AM

    I went from 220 to 230 since the first of the year (when I got back on the exercise horse?) and am trying to get it off plus more! I am fighting EVERY DAY to make a difference in my body and to no avail. I am starting to think there might be something wrong with me, there is no way I can't lose. It doesn't help that the hubs will change one thing and lose 3-5 lbs in a week. He never works out and smokes but can run a 5k with no prep. I don't and work out tons and I can't run even a full mile! It's hard! You've been a major inspiration to me and I hope to help you out in any way I can. You can do this. Spring is right around the corner, you and your fiancee can bike and get out more. Its the only thing keeping me going :)

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JBMT08 2/4/2011 10:04AM

    Im sorry you are going thru this....plase put the scale on a time out for a few weeks at least! Don't discount all that you have done until this moment. emoticon

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SKYEPHOENIX 2/4/2011 10:02AM

    Oh, honey. (hugs) There's nothing I can say that you don't already know. Yes, this feeling WILL pass. Hopefully soon. I don't know if this helps you, but I know that, for me, it always takes about 2 weeks for what I do to reflect on the scale.

I don't blame you for being tired and frustrated. Wish there was some magical machine that could look at a person's insides and tell you EXACTLY what to do, or not do.

((hugs))

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RONIREDD 2/4/2011 9:57AM

    emoticon
I can so empathize ... for what its worth ...

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PAMINHALF 2/4/2011 9:56AM

  Break up with your scale. Seriously it's what I had to do about the same weight as you. I was driving myself crazy.

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COOKWITHME65 2/4/2011 9:56AM

    Time to hide that scale again. emoticon

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