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When the scale stalls, don't forget how far you have come!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I have been feeling badly about being stuck at this weight for awhile. When you are stagnant you start to find your flaws again and the negative self talk starts to creep into your psyche. At the beginning of SP I was losing weight so quickly that each and every day was a new discovery for me. I still remember feeling my hip bone sticking out and panicking because I thought it was a lump. The joy of seeing my rib cage again, the loss of my double chin, collar bones. Each and every NS victory kept me going. Then it stopped. I started to notice how saggy this place was and how my saddle bags looked more pronounced. Blah blah. I am not going to go there and list all of neurosis because that is giving them power. You get my point.
Sunday I made my triumphant return to the gym and the elliptical queen has retaken her thrown. I added back in my abs and back routine and it is funny but I SWEAR I already look like I lost a size. When you combine the clean eating with the working out. I look smokin and skinny. In fact, a guy at work today told he was surprised I drink so much water. I said "well I used to be really fat and this is part of how I am not now" (there is no sugar coating in Ashley's world) He looked shocked and said "but you are so skinny now I can't believe it." Honestly, I wanted to kiss him right there. He used the S word.
It got me thinking about the old me. The person who got winded at the mall. Couldn't even walk up the stairs to my apartment. Who could barely sleep at night I was in so much pain. I forgot her to cope but I need to remember her a little so I can be proud of myself for how far I have come. I barely look at before pics these days and I need to sometimes. I showed a few people at work and they couldn't believe it was me. It isn't just how different I was on the outside but for me it is how I have changed on the inside. Loving myself, is the most valuable thing I have ever learned and it is how I am successful. So, I say to all of you. When the going gets tough, and it will, remember how far you have come and how you are never going back. This life is too awesome to give up. My goal is so close. I am almost half way there!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DBFBILLY 1/30/2011 8:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 1/29/2011 5:51AM

    Go Ashley, Go! You are spreading the Spark, You Skinny Healthy Girl!!

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GREENSCRAPCAT 1/28/2011 12:21PM

    OMG Thanks for this post! I so needed this right now!

Keep up the great work, you are an inspiration to us all!

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BELLALUCIA 1/27/2011 1:28PM

    Good work dear!

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APMAC_D 1/27/2011 10:12AM

    I am going to reflect on my journey too! Thank you, you are amazing

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NANHBH 1/26/2011 4:59PM

    ASHLEY POWER! Wow, thanks for that pep talk. I needed that!
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46SHADOW 1/26/2011 11:34AM

    love it!...and i can really relate to all of it.

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GRAMMY441 1/26/2011 11:30AM

    great blog.Love it.

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WHOVIANPRINCESS 1/26/2011 11:22AM

    this is an extremely intuitive blog, thank you!

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FALISAMARIE1 1/26/2011 11:22AM

    Great blog and great motivation!!!

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AMOHAME2 1/26/2011 11:18AM

    You said it!

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CHEF4RENT 1/26/2011 10:41AM

    Right on Ashley I so needed this today.

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BRIAEL 1/26/2011 10:18AM

    That's the joy of blogging and having before and after pictures available. When I have a "fat" day in my head, I simply review the facts of loss to reassure myself that I'm not dreaming and still a chub! :)

Lovely to hear that you're getting compliments, and I'm looking forward to the day when you have enough confidence to feel comfortable with the less-than-perfect physical reflection that we all hope/aim for. :)

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BOOKWORM27S 1/26/2011 9:40AM

    emoticon emoticon
Very true... it is so easy to forget how far we have all come when the scale refuses to budge. It is amazing how quickly the negativity can take over.

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KATHLOW 1/26/2011 7:28AM

    long live the queen :-)

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RIGBY31 1/25/2011 11:17PM

    Good thoughts to remember. And good for you for getting back to the gym!

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GO-LOEW 1/25/2011 11:08PM

    Great blog Ashley! Since I didn't get the weight off my body when I was younger, I am now rejoicing when I sag. Why, you ask? Because that means there is no fat underneath the skin to keep it plumped up. I figure I can stuff the sag in my jeans, and only I know it is there. I can tighten the bra straps, and use the sag as lovely breasts.

I seriously understand people's concern about sagging, but I am not going to let that stop my success at being healthy and thinner. I told my husband to say good-bye to any plump parts he might like because they are probably going south!

I am proud of you for deciding to not worry about the slowness of your weight loss and get back at it! You will succeed.

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MAMADWARF 1/25/2011 10:37PM

    LOVE IT!!!!!!!

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SAMMYSWEETPEA 1/25/2011 10:22PM

    You're amazing. I can't even remember how many times you've written exactly what I need to read. Thanks again.

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SARAHNICOLE__17 1/25/2011 9:46PM

    You have given me a lot to think about.

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PELESJEWEL 1/25/2011 9:35PM

    emoticon All Hail the QUEEN of the Eliptical!! Love it!

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HANNAH_CALM 1/25/2011 8:17PM

    Great blog!! My scale has been moving ever so slowly, since I started here. But it does move, so I should be very grateful for that. Without the SP nutrition tracker, or exercising at all, I would probably still be gaining weight. I'm a little worried though, because I've discovered that on my scale, you are a different weight, depending on where you stand. So I'm much lighter if my feet are at the farthest from where the numbers are. I guess I'll have to draw a little line on it somewhere, so that I don't feel tempted to cheat.
P.S. Nordstrom has someone that can alter your clothes, whether you bought them there or not. It just costs money if you didn't buy the garment there. Maybe they could help you make your clothes fit better.

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TERRYT55 1/25/2011 6:31PM

    I feel like I could have written this blog today BUT you do it so much better! My weight loss has been at a standstill since early this month and I just seem to look more saggy everyday.

I am not giving up, ever. I feel so good and have so much energy and that is what keeps me moving and ignoring the scale when it seems to never change! I know given time the numbers will move down. Even though the NS victories are fewer and the pounds are coming off more slowly I still see them.....like today. My shadow looked so small as I was jogging to the mailbox! That's two NS victories in one day, I just had to look for them!

Love your blogs, Ashley. I always walk away with a smile and something to think about.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/25/2011 6:29PM

    Thanks Ashley, we all need to rememebr how far we've come. You're doing such a great job, glad you're back to your self!

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MAIA2011 1/25/2011 6:25PM

    emoticon

I'm not worthy to bow before the Queen of the Elliptical.

Thanks for telling it like it is!

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MINENA1 1/25/2011 6:16PM

    AMEN!! Thank you for sharing this blog. I know exactly what you mean. I wrote a blog similar, but yours is better said. LOL. Congrats on your skinny-self! WOOT WOOT!! emoticon

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CONNIE2POINT0 1/25/2011 6:11PM

    Skinny! Your new nick-name!
Besides, "your highness the elliptical queen"
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JENRYAN9278 1/25/2011 6:08PM

    emoticon emoticon For sharing!!!!

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 1/25/2011 6:07PM

    Great blog once again Ash! Every blog you write makes me feel like your in my head or something! :) Keep up that attitude, it's gonna get you even further Ms. Skinny! :)

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RACINGSLUG 1/25/2011 6:04PM

    Amazing! I really needed this. I have been struggling to break through my own plateau and it's always good to take stock of how much things have changed. Keep up the great work!

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GIRANIMAL 1/25/2011 5:59PM

    Rock on, girl! I had to pull this trick out myself recently. It is so easy to start noticing all the "imperfections" and be fooled by your negative self-talk once a long plateau sets in. But we have come a long way! We've earned the right to be proud. And there's no going back now!

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KIBAISREADY 1/25/2011 5:51PM

    Well said.... Thanks for sharing I really needed to hear this...... Congrats on your success.. Cheers to You! emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 1/25/2011 5:50PM

    "I look smokin and skinny." You go girl!

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FLY0NTHEWAL1 1/25/2011 5:47PM

    You're doing such a good job. Whenever I get down I click over to your page and I see if you've written something new. You're so honest and raw with your experience- it reminds me that it's ok if I'm not 100% feeling it right now, as long as I keep DOING something towards my goals I'll get there (eventually).
I'm glad you got to hear someone call you "skinny". It's such a motivator when people notice, even when they don't know where you've come from. Two thumbs up to you, I'm happy to see you're succeeding. : )

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BTRTHANEVA 1/25/2011 5:20PM

    Don't EVER forget where you came from. Whether it be weight or life - you've grown (and shrunk)as a person. Kudos for realizing the truth and not giving in to the negativity. emoticon

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WILLIAMV3 1/25/2011 5:08PM

    emoticon

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SUZYGREENBERG94 1/25/2011 5:01PM

    KEEP. ON. TRUCKIN. Yes ma'am. Will do. Great blog, once again.

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BROOKDOESLIFE 1/25/2011 4:56PM

    Wow, I really needed to hear this. Thanks for blogging about this!!!
You are awesome! I know it feels so great to hear the S word. Keep up the great work.

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HLTHYETER 1/25/2011 4:52PM

    Great blog Ashley. It resonates very deeply with me--I got back to the gym today after a long break because of weather, work, etc. and it felt great. I know I have been reflecting a lot on my changed life while working through a plateau and it does help me keep going.

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KARLYNCANDOIT 1/25/2011 4:50PM

    emoticon I too am going through this~~ We keep chugging!! It works!!

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COOKWITHME65 1/25/2011 4:50PM

    Keep it going AShley. Congrats on the jeans thing.

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Diet and Fitness: I want to vs I have/need to

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Today was the day I broke my exercise drought. FINALLY. I talked about it on here, I talked about it at home. Last night I was talking about it again and my fiancÚ stood in front of me and looked me in the eyes and said "Honey, enough, you can do this. Stop telling yourself you can't because we both know you can. Now do it." He is not usually this verbal. Generally he is a pretty quiet guy and the directness and frankness of his words surprised and quite honestly impressed me. He is right. Enough excuses, just go. So this afternoon I packed my gym bag and drove him to work and then headed off to the gym. I managed to get myself so worked up I gave myself an anxiety attack in the car. It has been years since I had one and this one was bad enough it felt like I was dying and I just kept going. I knew what it was and what it was about and although it is horrible to experience I refused to let it beat me. I pulled into the parking lot and sat outside the gym thinking of reasons not to go in even playing solitaire on my phone. Not one of my finest moments. Then I just went in. As soon as I was in the locker room the anxiety stopped and the athlete came out and I was ashamed I had let myself behave so ridiculously. I missed the feeling of the gym so much and the adrenaline and excitement took over. As soon as I hopped on the elliptical I was off and all the endorphins kicked and I totally over did it. Apparently I thought I was still in good shape and I worked myself until I almost threw up. When I got to that point I got on a bike and did intervals and then an extra long cool down until I didn't feel sick anymore. I did abs and back work for my ST and my abs hurt so much right now it hurts to laugh but its a good hurt. I am so proud of myself I could burst.
This whole experience got me thinking about the idea of I want to vs I have to. I think that is the big key to this whole experience essentially. PELESJEWEL left me a comment that really hit me hard when she said that for some people the exercise part of this is easy but they struggle with the food and others like me have an easier time with the eating and a harder time staying motivated to workout. IT IS SO TRUE. The diet part of this for me is honestly pretty easy. When I read about people who list their food for the day as something to the effect of low fat cinnamon rolls for breakfast, a lean cuisine for lunch and takeout for dinner it really freaks me out. I just choose to eat as little processed food as possible because it is just healthier and it isn't hard. I just don't buy it. I measure and weigh everything. When I gave up soda I never thought about it again and it isn't even a consideration. Now please don't think I am looking down on people for eating processed or drinking soda. I think we all make our own decisions and what works for me doesn't work for everyone else. The point I am making is that mental part of what I eat was the easier thing to tackle because I WANT TO. I actually enjoy healthy food and healthy cooking and I get personal enjoyment out of seeking out new cooking methods and foods I haven't tried. It is a hobby.
Unfortunately for most of my life I treated working out as a I HAVE/NEED TO kind of thing. By doing so I stripped any and all possible enjoyment of it. I played sports because I was good at them and my family wanted me to but the training part of it I saw as a necessary evil. I never engaged the workouts as much as I could have. When others on the team would be wanting to do more conditioning I would look at them like they were crazy. Now, I wish I had back those moments of bootcamp and having team mates to push me. The most success I have had in the past regarding losing weight have been the times when I worked out for me and did it because I liked it. I looked forward to it. Just 2 months ago I was in that place again. I felt strong, powerful and in control. My moods were more even and I woke up feeling great every day.
As I sit here right now I am coming down off that work out high (you know what I am talking about) and I want this feeling again tomorrow. This is it, I found my happy place again and boy did I miss it. Tomorrow I am working out not because I have to but because I want to.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELLYBEANS0919 2/1/2011 1:02PM

    Excellent blog, as always :-) I liked your statement that people struggle with different things. For me eating healthy is super hard. I crave cinnamon rolls, cakes, etc. But I have found now not having them in the house is a big big help! If it is there, I eat it. Awesome you enjoy cooking healthy!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 1/29/2011 5:59AM

    Excellent Blog Ashley!
i exercise so that i can eat. will run for Chocolate! i hate cooking, but love eating (in moderation!), so now i exercise so that i can enjoy some of the yummy goodness without the guilt and gain!

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JESSIEJUICE 1/27/2011 5:56PM

    I loved reading this! You inspired me to push through my gym anxiety because I know it's worth it in the end!

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AUNTIELES53 1/25/2011 9:58AM

    great job :) loved this blog.

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BADASSBLONDIE 1/24/2011 6:00PM

    Turning working out from a have to to a want to was probably a 3 or 4 month struggle for me, but 100% worth it. I freaking LOVE working out now!

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 1/24/2011 5:39PM

    That feeling return is so awesome. You've hit the nail on the head. Cheers to you!

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COOKWITHME65 1/24/2011 12:59PM

    Good for you. Keep it going!

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KRAWRS 1/24/2011 12:24PM

    I'm not better at one or the other (working out vs. eating right), but I do have an easier time planning healthy meals vs. exercising my tushy off! Glad you were able to push through the drought and get back at it!

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MAIA2011 1/24/2011 10:48AM

    I used to be the opposite as far as working out/diet but it was insensible exercise because I didn't have a car and I walked everywhere and rode my bike to get places. Between that and being young it was easy to maintain a healthy weight. Now, I am learning what I should be doing nutrition-wise in terms of calories and sometimes it seems like one more thing to feel guilty about. Intellectually, I want unprocessed, organic, local, farmer's market, raw, bulk, non-cruel nourishment but when my inner child goes shopping such as these days I want cheese and any accompanying vehicle to get it to my tummy. That's it.

Nice job getting to the gym! I love that you admit to your anxiety and also I love that your fiance helped prod you along. Yay for you two!

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MAMADWARF 1/24/2011 10:37AM

    yeah! You're BAAAACKKK!

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ALOFA0509 1/24/2011 7:48AM

   
Whoo-Hoo!! Awsum break thru emoticon.. I recently joined and somehow became a "Leader" for the Hungry girl team.. The recipes are GR8, but soo much of it is quick processed food with a twist.. I've found ways to make a lot of the meals with REAL FOOD and love it-- Processed food just dosent sit well with me either.. I'm lovin that your back on the Elliptical and rockin it sista.. Hugs 2U!!

Cheers,
Alofa

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DUSTYGIRL25 1/24/2011 1:36AM

    I'm with you, I'm great at sticking with the staying within the calorie range plan. No problem. I have real trouble with working out and exercising. Some has to do with my health problems, but I'm trying to put excuses behind me.
All your feelings are real and I'm sure we can all relate.
Thanks for putting it out there. emoticon

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BRIAEL 1/23/2011 11:14PM

    Wow, Ashley, that is awesome. I love that your fiance has motivated you into doing something that was holding you back. I love that you went to the gym and had a good time! :)

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SELKIE2283 1/23/2011 9:19PM

    So true about "want to/have to!" I think success at weight loss is about 90% mental. There are a hundred different ways to eat healthier, and a hundred different ways to get fit, but getting past the mental blocks to do any one of those hundreds of things is what seems to hold people back.

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PELESJEWEL 1/23/2011 9:00PM

    YESS!!! I am so proud of you! Your BF loves you so he used his "direct" voice to spark your flame. (Those that love deeply are spark conduits!) Let your inner athlete take charge, she loves sweat, she loves crunches, she's competitive and she always wins at exercise. Clear your mind, give your inner athlete a larger piece of real estate in your melon! Exercise = Inner Warrior.

Btw - you will be unstoppable, because you do have the food aspect well handled, especially your cooking, measuring, planning. That's huge! I agree 100%, processed foods may be convenient, but doesn't feed the inner athlete the nutrients she needs! You GOT THIS!!

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HANNAH_CALM 1/23/2011 8:59PM

    Hooray!!!

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 1/23/2011 6:54PM

    I'm one of those people opposite of you. I generally eat well, but food still is and always will be a struggle for me. On weekends I tend to be lax, and then I play catch-up all week.

However, I CRAVE working out. I live for it. The feeling of accomplishment, pushing myself farther each session, creating goals, oh how I LOVE it. It is therapeutic for me.

That said, great job on going back in there! And now that you remember how wonderful it feels, don't let that feeling go! Embrace it, and live for it!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 1/23/2011 6:26PM

    I am so happy right now. It sounds like my bf and your hubby have a lot in common. My bf is very soft spoken. Sometimes the message just sticks if the right person delivers it. I'm doing a happy dance right now. All I want is for you to be happy. And I'm soooooooo thankful you have such an amazing other half that isn't afraid to tell you what you need to hear. Please give him a big hug from me. He's mighty special!

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DYA177 1/23/2011 6:12PM

    I totally understand what you are talking about. Although MY problem is the other way around, I love to exercise and hate to eat right, I do it because I want to. I want to pick fresh veggies and unprocessed food. Because I want it bad it enough. I want to lose weight and feel good more than that donut. Thanks for sharing your struggles which I'm sure many people has.

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 1/23/2011 6:07PM

    Awesome! Glad to hear your back in your groove again. Unstoppable Ash! :)

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NANHBH 1/23/2011 5:51PM

    Ash,

You GO, Girlfriend! I'm so proud of you. The brain has a crazy "push back" when we tell it we "have to" or "need to." The brain says, "No, I don't." So, when we tell ourself we "like to", "choose to", or "want to", the brain is more cooperative. When I find myself saying I "have to" or 'need to" do something, I just change that wording slightly to make my brain go along with it!

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RIVERDLC 1/23/2011 5:43PM

    Ashley you are such a great motivator. Thanks for sharing your struggles. I have just recently gotten back to working out. I hated the way I felt when I wasn't. I have lost only 20 lbs but I feel the difference. You can do this!!!!

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CARILOUIE 1/23/2011 5:37PM

    Getting back into working out after a break is tough for me. I seem to find more reasons not to go than ever! But I also know the workout high, and it's a great feeling. You will be back in top form in no time.



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RIVERDLC 1/23/2011 5:37PM

    Ashley you are such a great motivator. Thanks for sharing your struggles. I have just recently gotten back to working out. I hated the way I felt when I wasn't. I have lost only 20 lbs but I feel the difference. You can do this!!!!

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Facing down my workout denial

Friday, January 21, 2011

I am not sure why I have this all or nothing attitude. I either kill myself at the gym or make excuses. It is strange to me as I sit here and try to psycho babble overanalyze why I do it this way because I actually really enjoy being active. In my youth I played 3 varsity sports all 4 years of high school. Working out was just in my blood. My recent frustration with my slowed weight loss and size can be solved. It isn't a mystery to me but I don't know why I make excuses not to do it. The most success I had in the past was losing a little over 50 lbs about 5 years ago and I lost 6 inches off my waist in that time. To date I have lost 81 lbs, woot, and have only lost 4 inches from my waist.
It isn't brain surgery to figure out the difference here. The last time when I hit 280 I started working out, a lot, and doing a lot of strength training and core work. I would get up and go to the gym at 5:30 AM before work and workout for an hour and a half 5 days a week. I felt better when I worked out and I looked better and I am positive it is the major factor in the difference between then and now. I have also learned over the past 7 months that my body is just not going to give this weight up as easy as it did when I was younger and I have to accept that and be patient. Of course I want to lose weight faster but losing at this rate is more sustainable in the long run and I will have great long term success which is my ultimate goal more than any specific size or number. I want a lifetime of good health not just a quick 2 months of rapid loss and then put it all back on.
I am not looking for a lecture on the benefits of working out. I know what I need to do, I get it. This is an issue of taking responsibility and doing what I know needs to be done. Caring enough about myself to put in the work and pushing myself farther than I am now. I can do this, no doubt. I want to do this, no doubt. So I am tired of my "I am tired and I don't have time" BS and back to the gym. Mmm-kay Ashley. Just Deal. Make it Happen

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHLOW 1/23/2011 8:26AM

    once more, you sound frkishly like me. i went to the gym today for the first time in more than 2 months. i'd built it up to something horrible in my mind - but guess what, i feel pretty good right now. And i know this. But still it gets me everytime...

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.TARA. 1/22/2011 9:45PM

    "I have also learned over the past 7 months that my body is just not going to give this weight up as easy as it did when I was younger and I have to accept that and be patient."

Ugh. This is so true.

I also struggle with the all or nothing attitude. I'm still trying to find a healthy approach falls somewhere in between these two extremes.

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PELESJEWEL 1/22/2011 4:16PM

    You know I've found that some people (such as yourself) are really good with the food aspect of the journey, and may be more challenged with the exercise. I've admired your blogs where you've mentioned taking the time to measure your food, portions, like "down to the ounce"! I admire it because this is the area that I'm challenged and have to work hard to plan, prepare, pack, eat, track.

I've figured out through running that excercise is more mental than physical, because your body will follow your mind, but a mind that prefers cerebral pursuits will never follow your body...the body won't win that one because the mind is stronger! Clear Your Mind, pull a NIKE and JUST DO IT, skinny minnie!! Woot!

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PAMATX 1/22/2011 1:38PM

    Uggggggg, I do the same thing. All or nothing. And I too cannot figure out why I make excuses to not work out when I feel so damn good while and after I do it. It makes no sense whatsoever to me. I have my running clothes on right now, and am determined to make it out the door today and do six miles of walking/running. Taking your advice: Just Deal Make it Happen



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BADASSBLONDIE 1/22/2011 12:17PM

    This was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn. You can do it!!! Maybe make a workout streak, or a challenge to work out X minutes a week for X weeks. That's how I got into it more consistently.

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GIANTMICROBE 1/22/2011 11:57AM

    It's tough to get back in the game. I did great until Christmas, then I traveled, and I got really sick, and I started a full-time job. It's funny, I always slack in January when everyone else is all gung-ho about the New Year. It's just as well, gyms are nuts right now. emoticon

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JEANUT 1/22/2011 8:01AM

    Ashley, congrats on the wt. you have lost... now stop beating yourself up and learn from it. Don't beat yourself up physically in the gym or mentally when you slip.
It is ok though to ask yourself why you're doing this to yourself... think deep and you may find the answer.
I did that.. I now realize that I was sabotaging myself.
I'm now dealing with it and am slowly starting to loose weight again.
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LUCKYDOGFARM 1/22/2011 1:17AM

    Hey Ashley. the thing i keep saying to myself is "i cannot believe that i was too lazy to get up and go exercise!" it's true. i was too stinking LAZY! but hey, now i am 50 and fab! lol. if this 50 year old can do it, i know you can, once you get that swift kick in the behiney!
What are you afraid of, succeeding?

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HANNAH_CALM 1/21/2011 9:55PM

    Could this possibly have anything to do with how your window was smashed at the gym a while back? Maybe some part of you wants to find a different gym in a safer location? Because I could totally understand that.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 1/21/2011 8:15PM

    "I have also learned over the past 7 months that my body is just not going to give this weight up as easy as it did when I was younger and I have to accept that and be patient."

Isn't that the freaking truth? :(

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LESLIES537 1/21/2011 8:10PM

    Sounds to me like you just took responsibility for it! Get out there and show 'em what you got! emoticon

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AMETHYST73 1/21/2011 7:54PM

    so what's your current program?

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REM-CYCLES 1/21/2011 6:25PM

    I have been going back to my original plan - consistent cardio.

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SARAHNICOLE__17 1/21/2011 3:44PM

    Your words are so powerful, "Of course I want to lose weight faster but losing at this rate is more sustainable in the long run and I will have great long term success which is my ultimate goal more than any specific size or number." This is the exact phrase that I instill in my head when I feel like I'm not losing fast enough. I don't know how people lose 2 pounds a week. I have been steadily loosing 0.75 pounds per week. It made me question what I was doing wrong.

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SUZYGREENBERG94 1/21/2011 2:56PM

    right. there. with. YOU. I don't know about you, but I am constantly having this 'pack your bags, you're goin on a guilt trip!' with myself over the 1 day turned in 25 days that I don't stay on schedule with working out. And the anxiety that set in with the thought, 'well, you're not getting any younger...' and the, 'I'm taking today off, it'll be okay....' but knowing myself, taking one day is dangerously close to taking a month off and then BAM, I'm right back where I started to get into shape. I wish there was some kind of internal sensation that was as obvious as hunger pangs when you need to eat- like gym pangs when you need to work out. And I wish it would go into high gear in these winter months when we're kind of programmed to hibernate....thanks for sharing, your blogs are fantastic.

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LEANNROCKS 1/21/2011 2:44PM

    Ashley, I find that when I exercise regularly, it is a great mood elevator; head fix, etc. And maybe I just dont wanna stop because I know how sore I get once I resume after a layoff!

Hang tuff - you are doing emoticon

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BTRTHANEVA 1/21/2011 2:28PM

    Patience and persistence... Keep on keeping on!

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MAIA2011 1/21/2011 2:08PM

    Look who else is Sparking instead of working out!



emoticon

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JBMT08 1/21/2011 1:21PM

    Girl! Am in the funk now!!!! We can do this!!

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CSMARTIE 1/21/2011 1:07PM

    After reading your blog and the responses seems like we all fight this same problem. It's funny that in the passed few weeks that I have learned that I have an all or nothing attitude too - which makes me feel like a failure even if I am not. I know lots of people start out saying that they are going to the gym everyday or 5 days a week - then you miss a day and you start beating yourself up. I have decided on 4 days - 2 aerobic and two upper body. I don't decide which days those days should be because my life can go crazy in a second. If I only make it to the gym 2 days or three days - I don't beat myself up - I realise that going at all is better than where I was - which is zero. So give yourself credit as long as it is bigger than zero and understand that this is along haul - some weeks are always going to be more motivating than others and they will pass. Trying to be perfect on executing the plan is not always realistic - its the chain of events over the long haul of possibly a year or more - and you have done that! emoticon

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KRAWRS 1/21/2011 1:00PM

    :D

Comment edited on: 1/21/2011 1:00:34 PM

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KRAWRS 1/21/2011 12:59PM

    This blog might as well have written by me today! I've been having a hard time getting over making excuses, and I know what I need to do, I just need to DO IT. "Mmm-kay Kelly. Just Deal. Make it Happen." That's what I'm going to tell myself, because I loved seeing you tell yourself the same thing. :p
Thanks for the comment on my status. That's another problem. For me, its fear of failure I think... I have to work on that.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/21/2011 12:44PM

    Deal

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TALLYCAT13 1/21/2011 12:44PM

    I promise to work out tomorrow morning if you do. Deal? Awesome emoticon

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ALOFA0509 1/21/2011 11:43AM

   
I get into that Funk a lot.. I have a few Jillian Michaels DVD that are 20 mins... Awsum wrk out!! Have a GR8 wrknd Ash!

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ERIN4771 1/21/2011 11:38AM

    all or nothing attitude....check....i blame the fact that i am an aries emoticon
you know what you need to do, so no lecture coming from me, just do it my friend emoticon

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/21/2011 11:32AM

    Ok Jan, you are the boss. I will be doing A LOT of shoveling later actually.
SKYEPHOENIX I damaged some discs in my lower back in a car accident so running is one of the not recommended activities for me until I lose more weight. I love the elliptical actually.

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SKYEPHOENIX 1/21/2011 11:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

emoticon

LOVE weight training. Do you run at all? Running weather is just around the corner.....outdoors! :):):)

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MAMADWARF 1/21/2011 11:13AM

    Ok sister, get on it. I expect a blog TODAY telling us what type of excercise you did. Remember, it doesnt have to be hard, it just has to be something. (If you do some today, I will send you a super awesome spark goodie!~)

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 1/21/2011 10:08AM

    I feel the same way. Even though I KNOW it will make me feel wonderful and put a pep in my step I have still been avoiding my workouts. We just HAVE to, do we really have a choice? I like to think so, but not really.

emoticon This is me kicking out butt's! emoticon

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RUNWITHMICHELE 1/21/2011 9:50AM

    You can do it- exercise is addicting after awhile as I'm sure you already know having lost so much!

emoticon

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PHEFEY 1/21/2011 9:45AM

    I would be willing to bet that most people on here are all or nothing sort of people...hence needing to get healthy. Pace yourself and keep the big picture in mind and hopefully the one day at a time thought process will help. Remember that you are great and inspire all of us and we are all in your corner rooting you on!

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SLFRISBEY 1/21/2011 9:41AM

    Yeah, I am sadly "all or nothing" in most aspects of my life... eating, drinking, working out, everything! I don't know how to moderate and be consistant, but it's a work in progress. :)

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BRAINYBLONDE5 1/21/2011 9:39AM

    I am an all-or-nothing girl too and its something I am working to find balance on. I know you will find balance. just return to this blog when youre feelin lazy! :)

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KITTY_WHO 1/21/2011 9:10AM

    Ooh I'm very "all or nothing" too. Losing weight isn't that hard in the short term but I don't want to be deciding every January that I need to get active so I am starting slowly and trying to have faith in the process! Some of the exercise challenges on here are good, I am taking it v e r y slowly and starting wiht the 10 minute a day exercise challenge. Do you think something like that would inspire you?


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ANGELOO29 1/21/2011 8:45AM

    I am a "all or nothing" person too - my personality is definitely the sort that says "if you can't work 150% then don't bother". I have to remind myself a LOT that this is a process and a slow one too. So it makes me draw on (and work on) one of my biggest weaknesses - patience.

You are doing great and will get there :)

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JAB0929 1/21/2011 8:42AM

    Blogging is great for holding yourself responsible, isn't it! Good luck! I need to get to the gym myself despite all this snow. yuck

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SYLVIALYNN2 1/21/2011 8:37AM

    I follow your blogs and I care for you and am cheering you on. It is hard for me to be consistent as well. I tend to be "all or nothing" and that is one of the things I am working on in my life.

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Size frustration

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I have always been a large size than I look. When I go into stores the sales lady will ask if I need and help and say "You are what, a 16?". Nope, I am still in a 22 and is upsetting to me. How can I be losing so much weight but seeing my size change so slowly? I bought a size 16 skirt for motivation and I can't even get it over my thighs. I have always had a much thicker waist in proportion to the rest of me. Makes finding pants a blast let me tell you. When I look up the size charts if I go by my waist I still wear a much larger size than fit me. If I go by my hips I should be in an 18. If I buy the pants that don't give me a muffin top I have to listen to people tell me all day. "Your pants are baggy, your butt is droopy, Oh you need new pants" BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am just seconds from snapping back. THESE ARE NEW, OK! I know you can't spot reduce an area and that the stomach is last to go. I read all the articles, I am well informed. I AM JUST PISSED. This feeling will pass and I will keep at this but I just wish for once I could feel normal.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACHELRUNS26 2/9/2011 12:01PM

    I feel this frustration all the time, along with people underestimating how much I actually weigh and my size. When I see shorter girls lose 10, 20, or 30 lbs they go down sizes. When I lost 20 lbs I stayed the same size.

Try not to let it get you down - YOU know how hard you work and you see the results and changes in your body!

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DYA177 1/23/2011 6:15PM

    I'm in btw sizes now. 16 or 14. I'm like a 15. No such thing. It's so frustrating that I know I need new jeans but I won't buy one cause I refuse to buy new jeans when in like a month I might be smaller. So I'm hanging out with my size 18 until a big sale comes along!!!

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MAY1787 1/23/2011 9:36AM

    Ditto, but I have the problem with thighs. I could probably where an 8 in waist size but my hips/thighs require a 14 right now. Quiet frustrating. I think no matter how you slice it, buying pants sucks!

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 1/23/2011 9:17AM

    I have the same problem as you! Thats the most frustrating thing for me. I just want pants that fit in my stomach and legs! Is that too much to ask for?? Thats one thing I'm looking forward to once I reach my goal weight. Hopefully normal sized pants dont have larger leg parts than the waist!

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KAMPERKID 1/22/2011 2:03PM

  Hang in there, it will come.
Are you doing strength training? I am finding that with strength training my size is dropping more quickly.

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CSMARTIE 1/21/2011 1:11PM

    Again so many people sympathizing with the same problem. Even when you lose weight - won't our bodies stay the same shape? If you are an apple or a pear - you are still going to be an apple or a pear? That says to me that like finding the right bra - you have to find the company that makes the right jeans to fit YOU. Old Navy seems to have a couple different fits and Sweetheart fits me just right - and they are the right price.

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TALLYCAT13 1/21/2011 12:41PM

    OMG. I completely understand this dilema. i HATE size charts. Depending on what I go by, I can be either an 18, 16, or 24. I mean...confusing much? All my weight has settled in my stomach and butt, which makes me feel like a duck. I don't mind the butt, but dang it makes it hard to find stuff that freakin' fits!
*Whew* Anyway, I feel your pain lol

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SLFRISBEY 1/21/2011 9:44AM

    Me too! I am super apple shaped, if that's posible, but try finding that in a short length! It's awful, and I love fashion! Boo for bad designers! Too bad I can't sew... we could make a mint!

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BOOKWORM27S 1/21/2011 7:54AM

    I'm so sorry to hear that! I know it can be so frustrating! It sounds like you might have an apple shape, I'm a pear shape and have the opposite problem. Everything is way too big in the waist, and tight on my hips and thighs.
It all depends on where we carry our weight. It is annoying that designers have still not figured this out!

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OTTAWABOUND 1/21/2011 6:51AM

    I have a smaller waist and giant hips/thighs, so I'm a 24 on the hips and thighs and a 16-18 on the waist. It makes buying clothes annoying. But, as we get smaller, we will have more choices! Hurrah.

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SARAHNICOLE__17 1/21/2011 4:24AM

    You can do this!!!! Take all that negative energy and kick some ass at the gym. For real now... I know that you will accomplish your goals. I gained back my weight and it sucks but it's all about the basics. Eat well, train well, drink your water... and it will fall off. Keep your head up and stay strong. We're in this together you know!!! Instead of focusing on the bad, think about the good. Focus on how awesome you feel for making healthy nutritional choices and how your body enjoys exercise. Try a new healthy recipe and take time for yourself. What is something that you haven't been able to do in a long long time? Try to make time for it. If you enjoy reading, maybe squeeze some time in during the day or before bed to read a chapter. I am so determined to make you see past this funk. This journey is hard as hell and we're in it together. Don't you forget it!

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AMETHYST73 1/20/2011 11:56PM

    I KNOW! I am the same, all stomach but normal hips. Bloody sux.

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MYOWNHERO 1/20/2011 2:02PM

    Yeah I haven't gone down more than a size even though I lost 60 lbs. But my clothes look better and I've gotten thinner in the face, neck, wrists, ankles etc so I'll take it. Plus I'd been squeezing into too-tight clothes for a while. Ew.

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AMOHAME2 1/20/2011 1:35PM

    I have the opposite problem with pants, but equally annoying. I have big hips compared to my waist and when pants fit over my hips, I get a huge gap in the back. I wear belts but then the waist band bunches up. Why can't they make pants that fit real people!!! The vast majority of us are not straight like sticks!!!

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PAMATX 1/20/2011 1:28PM

    I feel you! I don't know what kind of women they use for their "fit" models, but they sure as hell aren't built like me. Maybe a good tailor is in order.

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ROBYNROSE26 1/20/2011 1:10PM

    I have the opposite problem, thick thighs and a huge booty, then the waist is usually gaping...((HUGS))!

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TERRYT55 1/20/2011 1:05PM

    I have huge thighs....they are slowly slimming down but I know they will be the last to go. In order to get pants to fit over my thighs they were always big in the waist so I know your frustration. As the pounds come off things seem to even out and you are half way there! You will be in well fitted pants in no time!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/20/2011 12:53PM

    I shop almost exclusively at old navy lol. The best luck I have with pants at all is the slim fit in their plus line. It is such an oxymoron, slim fit plus size. Like jumbo shrimp. In the summer I wear skirts every single day. I hate shorts and skirts and dresses look better on me than pants. I just want to be able to shop in a cute store that has girly fun stuff. Not be limited to a few matronly items. I know I am just whining.

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ERIN4771 1/20/2011 12:49PM

    best place hands down for transition clothes...old navy online sale!!! seriously, have had the best luck there.....also, have you looked into getting skirts, rather than pants or jeans? i know it's winter, i'm in mn, so i know about the snow, but you can always wear leggings or tights under them...they seem to be a bit easier to deal with while we lose the weight....just an idea....i totally understand not wanting to tailor pants all the time!!!! wish i was in boston, i could take you to the gym with me, keep motivating each other!!! stay on track ashley, it's gonna take time, but you will get there!!! i promise!!!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/20/2011 12:44PM

    I know I can get stuff altered but the reality is I keep losing and stuff keeps getting baggier so I would basically need to keep getting them altered and since I consider all these clothes transitional clothes I don't pay a lot for them. I am not paying 18 bucks to alter a pair of pants I only paid 20 for.

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TIKITAMI 1/20/2011 12:43PM

   
I'm sorry that you are frustrated!

Check out the stores that you shop from, there are women's clothing store that offer alterations for a very minimal fee when you have it done through their store.



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NOTABOUTHEFACE 1/20/2011 12:34PM

    That is a frustration. I always hear people tell others to get baggy clothes altered. I don't know if that's an ideal solution but have you maybe looked into it? (Or gotten an estimate) If you could do maybe 2 pairs of pants that fit you really well it would be less frustration or you could find out it was less that you expected. Sorry I don't have anything better offer but my chorus of 'yep, it blows!'

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BAYBELIEVER 1/20/2011 12:29PM

    I can so relate! But it is my hips/butt that go last! I am a size 30 for that area, a size 24/26 for waist and a size 22 for bust. Go figure! And I have only gone down like 1 size after losing 80+ pounds! Everyone tells me that as I lose it will take less pounds to get to the next size, but I can't wait for the first one for real! Hang in there! Be flattered people think you are a few sizes smaller! That is awesome.

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BADASSBLONDIE 1/20/2011 12:20PM

    Man, I know exactly how you feel. *hugs* Sizes are f*cking aggravating.

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MIKEL1999 1/20/2011 12:15PM

    I feel the same way as all of these women. I have lost a little over 30 lbs and am still wearing the same size, although I can just pull them down vs unbutton and unzip to take off which is cool. I have always been a pear shape. My butt, hips, and thighs have and are way bigger than my waist. I know for a fact that my butt isn't going anywhere LOL! Even at my thinnest 135 my butt was big and round. Thats the Italian in me I guess. I feel your pain and frustration, but keep it up and so will I. Hopefully like a few of these women once I hit 40 lbs loss I will switch sizes. Lets keep our fingers crossed!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 1/20/2011 11:50AM

    I get angry and frustrated too. I went shopping the other day and tried on a size 20 jeans ... way too big. Then I tried to put on the size 18 ... way to small. My girlfriend looked at me and asked, "what are you a size 19? they don't make a 19?" YEAH! I KNOW. I've always had difficulty finding a pair of well fitting pants ... BOO!



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TREASURINGLIFE 1/20/2011 11:43AM

    I hear ya! :( Stupid disproportioned bodies! LOL.

- Michelle

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 1/20/2011 11:42AM

    Be angry about it. My body is the same way. I'd be in probably two sizes smaller if it wasn't for my stomach... and it STILL is not going away. And yes, I keep reading all about it too, must be a lot of literature out there.

I am sure at some point you read this, but you are welcome to go re-read Chris's theory on the whole thing. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p
ublic_journal_individual.asp?bl
og_id=3685859

Hang in there honey.

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MAIA2011 1/20/2011 11:42AM

    This just sucks and is frustrating. I don't know if it is funny or alarming that even thinner people have some of the same issues we bigger people do with clothes. The best solution is for us all to start sewing our own clothes at home again. Until then, it's stretch fabrics for me!

emoticon


(I had been unwittingly doing this baggy pants thing to my mom while she was working on losing weight and I am paying the price for my ignorance now. I still think a little muffin top is better than droopy butt on anybody. It just depends where our vanities lie.)

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 1/20/2011 11:27AM

    I feel your pain. I have the same problem, it's so frustrating. Don't let is discourage you though!

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CARMINACG 1/20/2011 11:19AM

    Hey - im not sure if this would work but would you consider taking a pair of pants into a tailor to get a fit that would suit your shape now? I did that especially with work pants that didnt have a lot of structure (those are the sneaky buggers that if they dont fit just right can look kind of sloppy). But in the end I at least spend 18$ in alterations and had a pair of pants that I knew fit at that moment in my journey. You might want to consider it....pants shopping can be difficult.

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GIRANIMAL 1/20/2011 11:17AM

    Argh, I hear you! I also hate that sizes are not more universal. I have at least one size 10 that is still tighter than most of my 8s. I've even had the same size and style of the same brand of jeans from the same store but in a different color or "wash" fit completely differently. And what's with all these different cuts/styles of jeans? It's so overwhelming, it's no wonder I generally really dislike shopping for clothes! But it does make me wonder if my old assumption about clothes shopping being sooooo easy for skinny people was not totally wrong after all. emoticon

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WATCHMEGO2 1/20/2011 11:07AM

    I hear you on being frustrated!! I am ALL THIGHS!! So I have to buy pants that I can get up over my thighs and this results in baggy butt and too big waist.

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JODY22002 1/20/2011 11:05AM

    Honestly, I think ALL women have this problem with one body part or another. For me, it's my hips and thighs. Everything below my waist actually. The top of me is really small compared to the bottom half. I was hoping it would all even out once I lost weight but it didn't. So if I am buying a shirt that goes across my hips, I have a problem because in order to accommodate my hips, I have to buy a larger size. There is a 12 inch difference between my hips and waist. It makes buying pants a nightmare. Buy what fits the biggest part of your body and get them tailored to fit the rest.

And don't worry about the slow pace of changing sizes. I was like that too. It took 40 lbs lost for me even to change a size. Once I got closer to my goal, my size changed really rapidly and 5 lbs would mean I needed to shop!

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MAMADWARF 1/20/2011 10:51AM

    add me to the "ME TOO" list. I have always had a smaller waist than hips and thighs (curvy, right?) but now I have lost so much in my butt and legs, the leg parts are always baggy but the waist fits or causes all my loosen formerly full of fat belly to overflow. It took a long time till I was out of the original size. I think I stil wore the same size until I had lost like 40 pounds. This is a crazy thing but you are getting there. Its ok to feel pissed off. It is frustrating. You said you want to feel normal. I would have no idea what that is like...lol.

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SKYEPHOENIX 1/20/2011 10:51AM

    I have the opposite issue--too much room in the waist, then I end up with this awful gap when I bend over--ugh. I'll be happy when my thighs catch up with my waist--on me, they're the last to lose weight off of. :)

You may already know this, so apologies if I sound redundant--but, while you can't 'spot' reduce, you can definitely tighten muscles underneath a fat layer, which can help reduce the overall size. Crunches are great, but a lot of people don't do them correctly--they tend to push their stomach up and out while crunching, when you want to try and hold the muscles more--inward.

Yay for new pants! :)

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HANNAH_CALM 1/20/2011 10:46AM

    I have a problem with pants not looking great new too. But those articles you read could be wrong, because everyone is different. If you started exercising, your body would change even faster. I've been exercising, and my waist has gotten much smaller. My hips are somewhat smaller too. Just everyone is different. I've noticed skinny jeans look the best, because they sit on my hips. If you look for sales, try to find one on a really good sale. That way it doesn't hurt so bad when you lose weight and can't wear them anymore. I feel bad about how your surrounded by people telling you your pants don't fit. That's so obnoxious! Is there any way of letting them know that it's not their business? Because it really shouldn't be, they're not the fashion police.

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KATHLOW 1/20/2011 10:19AM

    i hear you and yes, i have this problem too. makes it extra embaraassing is if salesladies urge you to try the size anyway, cause they know it will fit. Needless to say, it never does and the i wanna cry. Or shoot them.yes, i AM a people person :-)

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LAROSEBAUGH 1/20/2011 10:10AM

    Hey don't feel bad, I carry ALL my weight in my hips and thighs. So while I was shopping for a bridesmaid dress, the lady thought I was an 8 (HAHAHAH) and filled the room with size 8 dresses and I had to take them all out and ask for 14's...that was awkward. I have to buy a 14 dress then get the top hemmed in 2 sizes. Grr!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/20/2011 9:54AM

    I TOTALLY get that. My stomach has always been bigger than the rest of me. My waist is a 20 and the rest of me is an 18. I just keep telling myself, "one day, I'm going to look right in a pair pants." Still have a saggy buttt and the legs are baggy. One day Ash, we'll look great in a pair of pants!

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EBIELOU 1/20/2011 9:23AM

    Make sure that you are doing strength training in your exercises. I was dropping weight at first without losing inches. Now that i've started strength training it is easier to drop inches than weight:) Hope this helps!

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JULIEANNCAN 1/20/2011 9:16AM

    I can relate to this a lot! I have even bought pants from the same store that fit, ordered the exact same ones online to have them arrive at my house and then not fit! How is that even humanly possible? They're supposed to be identical! The thing about sizes is that companies can do whatever they want - make them bigger or smaller as they like (and to go with trends). Hang in there and know that you are definitely not alone and you are beautiful just the way you are - inside and out! You will get to where you want. It will just take time. Focus on the positives for now if you can. emoticon

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 1/20/2011 9:13AM

    I've lost almost 50 lbs and I still wear my size 22 dress pants and jeans. I don't understand the science behind that. But I've always had a huge bottom (butt, thighs, legs) and a small waist. I hate it because my pants are always dropping down and some times people comment about it. Usually I just smile but a few times I've lost my temper. I'm hoping to wake up and miraciously be a size 18. Here's to hoping though. Good luck!

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MOONBIRD 1/20/2011 9:10AM

    I have the SAME problem! People tell me my pants are too big, and they are too big in the butt and the legs, but I can't get a smaller size to fit without it squeezing my stomach. My legs are so much thinner. It makes me crazy. I know eventually it will come off the waist, but the waiting sucks. I so know how you feel. emoticon

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DETERMINDCHICKY 1/20/2011 9:08AM

    CRUNCHES! CRUNCHES CRUNCHES!!!! Seriously!

I suffer from muffin top syndrome also. When I am consistent with my crunching, my abs respond and boom I slide into a size 18 with ease. Without crunches just doing cardio to lose, I drop the pounds but can't drop a pant size to save my life!

Strength training is the key to size changes in my opinion. Its what works for me.



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SWELL10 1/20/2011 8:57AM

    It's frustrating when the weight doesn't come off in the areas we want it to. I was always an hourglass (with more sand on the bottom). Big butt and thighs and small (by comparison) waist. But now, the weight is coming off the bottom and I guess top too, but my waist isn't changing. Frustrating!!!! I've never had loose pants in the legs/hips but now I do and, like you my waist is stopping me from moving to the next size. I guess eventually that will go to, but the waiting sucks!

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SEESTARS 1/20/2011 8:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SERENEART 1/20/2011 8:52AM

    The one thing that is hard when your losing weight and I struggle with it... is clothes. Either it's too big or too small. I am smaller on top... and bigger on the bottom. A pear shape. I can vary at least one size difference between the top and the bottom. I so understand your frustration. Hang in there. You will get there!

emoticon

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SOPKAMANJU 1/20/2011 8:41AM

    emoticonI have the same problem large waist and smaller butt and hips....You'll lose it...It takes me a long time to lose inches...But I will lose the inches because a will not take no for and answer. emoticon

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UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 1/20/2011 8:39AM

    emoticon I'd be pissed, too. I know the weight and transformation is going slowly...but at least it's going, right? :-/ I wish I had more to offer you or that I could say something that would really make a significant difference... You're pretty amazing. You'll get there. AND you look good doing it. :)

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Went to the doctor today....

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

for the first time since I joined SP. It was not my primary but the girl doctor kind (sorry guys, TMI) but part of getting healthy is getting your yearlies and I want to talk about BABIES. Yes, it scares me to say that. See, I finally feel like I am at a good place in my life and ready to start thinking about it but it scares me, a lot. Especially when I see the women in my office and what they go through. I am the only one over 30 who doesn't have kids. It is a small office so its not like it is a ton of ladies but 2 are single mom's with 3 kids. We are all friendly so they chat with me about how difficult it is to be a single mom and a parent in general.
I am scared I will screw my kids up. I will make mistakes. I will be a yeller like my dad. I am scared to give birth. Honestly, it sounds like the most god awful experience on earth. After seeing my grandmother go through her lengthy illness it did help me to see that I do want children. I do have these romantic idea's of family holidays and grand babies some day and all those wonderful things. Just watching my fiancÚ with kids is enough to make you ovulate. Seriously, he is like a baby whisperer. They adore him and he is so patient. We agree on most general parenting ideas such as religion and discipline etc. However, he has a serious need to be liked so I am worried he will make me the bad guy. I have discussed it with him and he agree that we would be a team. I guess there is no point in worrying myself sick but I just am an obsessive person so there really is no point in telling myself to relax.
This was the first time I saw this lady and she was AMAZING. Unfortunately she isn't an OB/GYN or I would see her. She was shocked by my 80 lb weight loss and we talked about SP. She said she totally was going to look it up and start recommending it to people. WHO SPREAD THE SPARK? I DID I DID. She said it is so rare to see people lose that volume of weight and be so committed to it. I was beaming and she made me feel awesome.
So I need to add a calcium supplement and folic acid. I need to continue to improve my blood pressure. It has dropped 10 points since the last time I saw the doctor. All looks good. We laughed about how I am 2 years from a geriatric pregnancy. Lovely term.
I realized how much better I feel about me this visit versus in the past. I used to get so stressed going to the doctor because I knew the lecture was coming. You are fat, blah blah. I knew it and didn't want to hear it. Period. Now I am thrilled to talk about my weight and lifestyle :). It is exciting to see your dreams come true and how easy it is to achieve them when you are healthy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JO2TOM 1/25/2011 10:23PM

    I agree with cjansen40. It is not about the house, and mostly not about the money, either. It is about love, committment, and I agree about 2 parents. Nothing is ever perfect. When we were stationed in Europe, we visited many people who live in apartments (we would call them that. Do you know that they call them their house, or their home?). We had 2 kids while we lived in apartments and Tom was finishing school. It worked out fine...actually more than fine. I worked 3-11, and Tom took over when he got home from school. He fed them supper, and did his homework while entertaining the boys in their high chairs. It all works out. My son and his wife think they need to have a house before they try for a baby.... I don't say anything about that because, I will only be the grandma, and they are the parents.
I love your blogs. You make such sense, and write it all better than I do. Keep it going.
I am a neonatal nurse practitioner, and I too would be really proud of what you have accomplished in the last year. You are wonderful, amazing, and inspiring!

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SUZYGREENBERG94 1/25/2011 4:56PM

    the world needs a lady like you to make babies!!!! that is, if you want to. Loving, nurturing, willing to evolve and change....listen, anyone who can drop 80 pounds with nothin but hard work, dilligence and discipline has all the chops to be a great parent. I have 2 kids, started at 26 and both were the best accidents I ever made. The anxiety about the whole parenting thing is not knowing, nothaving control of exactly how things are going to turn out.....but that's also half the fun and adventure right there. you're elarning so much about yourself as you challenge yourself to get healthy, drop your BP, grow and change as a person with your fiance, adding kids to the mixture creates those wonderful family memories that make life worth living.
I honestly believe you will never know your true capacity for love until you have kids. wether you adopt, use a surrogate, or have a c-section, underwater birth or straight up natural. LOVE is all you need. and 45 minutes to work out.

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BOOKWORM27S 1/21/2011 8:00AM

    emoticon
Try not to over-think the pregnancy. Life truly does happen, and you will not even remember much of the birth. It all comes naturally, I had no experience whatsoever! Everyday is a learning experience with a baby, I wish I had taken the time to enjoy it more.
My daughter is now 4, it has gone by so quickly.
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SPARKLE1908 1/20/2011 9:06PM

    Congratulations on the weight loss and the great doctor's visit!!

You will make a wonderful mom!!!!

Keep spreading the spark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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JMERLAU 1/20/2011 6:25PM

    SPREAD IT.....



......THE SPARK........SPREAD THE SPARK

GREAT Job Ashley...but we wouldn't expect anything LESS out of ya!

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CATHIMOMMY 1/20/2011 1:22PM

    I am a nurse midwife and wish I could be your provider- I am so proud of you! You've dropped 80 pounds! You can stay fit and healthy during a pregnancy with all you've learned


I did run a half marathon this year and still, the pounds are not coming off. Trying extra hard now and am committed to being a healthy provider, not looking at the scale--

You should be so proud of yourself!
Cathimommy

Comment edited on: 1/20/2011 1:23:54 PM

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NANHBH 1/20/2011 11:37AM

    Ash,

So proud of you for all your hard work and for Sparking your doctor. Imagine how many more people can be helped because you shared your story.

A baby whisperer -- what a great dad he will make! This was such a fun post to read! So happy for you. You deserve all the happiness in the world.
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Nancy

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COOKWITHME65 1/20/2011 11:12AM

    So glad you had a positive Dr's appt and was able to spread the word about Spark. Good for you. I think it's great you are prepping your self for pregnancy. Your a smart woman.

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ALIOOP188 1/20/2011 10:01AM

    baby whisperer. I laughed so hard at that term! lol but my fiancee is the same! He's excellent with kids too!

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CJANSEN40 1/20/2011 7:55AM

    great visit with the dr and way to go spreading the spark. Kids, are a handful, but we never are ready and we never have enough money. so go for it. though I have to recommend 2 committed parents. it's a rough go with only one.

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 1/20/2011 7:28AM

    It's always good to have doctor visits like that.

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CHEF4RENT 1/20/2011 2:16AM

    That is so awesome Ashley. Let me tell you from experience, you will make mistakes with your kids, you will do things you regret, your fiance/husband will make the mistakes you are worrying about, BUT you will do so much good in the child's life, you will do so many things right, your fiance/husband will be so supportive, that all the little worries about not being a good parent will be negated. Your kid/s will adore you. I can tell from your blogs you might have a tendency toward over protective, I understand, I used to be. I have 4 kids now, I encourage them to play in the street jk jk jk. You will realize when you are being over-protective and you will correct it, you will notice your tendency to yell, and because you are aware of it you will correct it. It may sneak in every now and then but you will take care of it. It is no different than losing weight. You win some days and some days it feels like horses are stomping on your head. Also like losing weight you will read all the info you can find on the subject of raising kids and will do the most amazing things. It is so worth it.

As to the pregnancy/giving birth thing....well I can't tell you much other than it is amazing when all is said and done. I don't envy mothers having to give birth. I have the greatest upmost respect for women for taking this task and in many cases loving it. I know it was super hard for my wife and she misses being prego some days. I know it's because she doesn't remember the vomiting 5 times a day for 9 months. But even if she does it was that good of an experience.

Good luck. you will love it!!

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AMETHYST73 1/20/2011 2:13AM

    Hey sweet, I am trying for a baby atm, at the ripe ol age of 37 so I totes know where you're coming from - I thought the maternal instinct had passed me by until WHAM it hit me between the eyes a couple of years ago! We've only been trying for a week and I am trying to stay relaxed about it but it's hard...whoooo. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Peace out x

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PELESJEWEL 1/20/2011 12:54AM

    Congratulations Ashley on the awesome visit to the doctor and for spreading the spark! You should be thrilled to talk about you...80 pounds is phenomenal and you said it best, you are so committed!

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BELLALUCIA 1/20/2011 12:35AM

    Good for you spreading the spark!

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HANNAH_CALM 1/19/2011 10:53PM

    Good for you! You would make a great mom. Just believe in yourself! I'm glad you had such a nice visit at the doctor. =)

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LUCKYDOGFARM 1/19/2011 10:23PM

    Ashley, that is great about the Doc visit. most every parent freaks out at some point in their parenting years. (which by the way, NEVER end once they start)

SparkOn Sparkie!!

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JULIEANNCAN 1/19/2011 7:10PM

    emoticon I'm glad the doctor visit went well and you got some praise. I know that lecture you're speaking of and I hate it. Congrats on all your progress! :)

No one is a perfect parent. NO ONE. I truly understand your concerns there. I have discussed similar ones with lots of people. I wish you a lot of luck if you decide to try to get pregnant. And, don't feel bad about your age. I'm not even allowed to try to get pregnant until I'm 35. :( But, the good news is, people have children much older now than they did before. And, I'm glad you talked to your fiance about your concerns. He sounds very nice and reasonable.

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MFOLAND1 1/19/2011 6:47PM

    Congratulations Ashley~ That is such an accomplishment! You should be proud! This healthier lifestyle will help you tremendously with the pregnancy process! Once you become pregnant, my advice to you is to not use the excuse that you are pregnant and eat like crazy! Stay focused as if you are not pregnant. The extra baby weight is such a struggle to get off :-( TRUST ME!!!

Don't drive yourself NUTS worrying about all of the parenting and pregnancy stuff...I had 2 natural deliveries, including pushing my first one out face up for 3 hours! THAT was some serious pain, but the reward at the end is so worth every minute of pain. As far as the parenting...My hubby and I are night and day! It works just fine! You will find what discipline works best for your children!

Good luck with everything! Keep up the great work!

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CYNDERROSE 1/19/2011 6:00PM

    Sounds like a great visit. Looks like you are on the right track.



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GIRANIMAL 1/19/2011 5:35PM

    Oh, I LOVE the first doctor visit and their amazement and happiness and your total PRIDE in a job well done! They know how hard it can be to change behavior, so for me it was some of the ultimate confirmation of all my hard work. YAY for you!

Also congrats on this huge step in thinking about kids. I am STILL not quite there and not sure I'll ever be. But "geriatric," seriously?! Ouch. I'm 34 and people keep telling me I have time!

Anyway, nice job with the dropping BP and overall great doctor visit. emoticon

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SLFRISBEY 1/19/2011 5:02PM

    Congrats on the great visit! I had to see the lady docto this year and we had the same talk and she was so super happy to see that I was making a change! It's exciting that you're thinking about babies. My hubs who has always been really scared of kids told me last night he wants us to make a miracle. I am scared and I know it's a few years off if we do but hearing him say that was amazing! You'll be a grat mom and your fiance sounds like he will be a wonderful dad too!

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REBECCAMA 1/19/2011 4:06PM

  Congrats! My daughter was born when I was 35. You can do this. They tell everyone to up their folic acid so don't worry about that. Good luck!

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RONNYGIRL39 1/19/2011 4:00PM

    I had 3 naturally and my little man was a c section, But i tell ya there is nothing like the feeling of pushing out a baby and how happy you are to see the baby and how glad you are that its all over. Because by the end of the pegnancy you JUST WANT IT OUT!! The c section was unreal when they give you the meds in your spine you instantly can't feel a friggen thing I thought is was so cool.. My son is now 3 and he is now a handful compared to my girls but I finally got my Boy..

Good for you at the Dr.. I had a work physical not to long ago and told that Dr I lost about 30 lbs and about Sparkpeople,she was amazed that my blood pressure was down like it was.. It does feel good to feel good at thr DR's..

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JENRYAN9278 1/19/2011 3:47PM

    Congrats on the great visit! Believe me girl I had the same worries. I was scared to death once I found out the test was positive that now... this human had to come OUT somehow.. Let me tell you it is not as bad as everyone says. I had a C Section but was on pitossin for a while before. I was sore but he was so worth it. Don't be scared but enjoy the experience!! :) You Go Girl!!!
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ANNA--BANANA 1/19/2011 3:40PM

    Woo hoo! Great visit!

I parent much of the time like my mom did, and then some of the time (consciously) NOT like my mom did - I think the issues that you are most aware of are the ones you'll be most careful about!


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HEALTHYASHLEY 1/19/2011 3:37PM

    Then I might want to get on that therapy because I was parented with a whole lot of coo coo. Thanks for the advice and reassurance everyone! You will be the second to know when do finally have a baby! After my fiance of course lol.

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CALIKIKI 1/19/2011 3:36PM

    Awesome post!

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FITBYFORTY2011 1/19/2011 3:27PM

    oops, one more thing...a psychologist that I know said that barring extreme abuse, we tend to parent how we were parented, unless we actively (read: with therapy) try to change that....if you are worried, something to think about and be proacive about...

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FITBYFORTY2011 1/19/2011 3:26PM

    i'm so thrilled for you! I remember dreaming about kids, etc. and now, years later, I have four of them! they are difficult, challenging, wonderful, breathtaking, everything incredible and difficult rolled up into one terrifying emotion called mothering.

Giving birth is no breeze, but it is a blip in life, such a short moment...i read somewhere that humans don't have the capacity to remember/recreate pain, so even though I cognitively know it was hard, I don't have any real memory of the pain that is childbirth...i had drug free, epidural, c-section, vaginal, all of the above and it's a fine....

anyway, congratulations! what fun and excitment!

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EMSJOURNEY 1/19/2011 2:53PM

    you've come such a long way ashley. you should be so proud! and just an FYI - i got an epidural and my child birth was a BREEZE... seriously... don't worry yourself to death like i did. ;-)

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MAMADWARF 1/19/2011 2:41PM

    good for you for spreading the spark ashley! alot of people can benefit from that. My dad was a yeller and I yelled at my kids when they were little too. They made me crazy. But? they are fine and are going to be better parents than I was, I can tell. It is good to have balance, good cop bad cop style....The ticket is to compromise between the 2 extremes...

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LITTLEONEJLC 1/19/2011 2:18PM

    Parenting is the most difficult job in the world. It is also the most rewarding. I will never make a bigger contribution to the world than my children. You said you are worried you will make mistakes. You will. I don't know any parent who doesn't wish they had handled some situation differently, but you do the best you can. You had a rough childhood, so you can learn from that and not put your children through what you went through. No parents have all the answers. And childbirth, well yeah, it can be painful but . . . Some people say you forget the pain when you see the baby. I wouldn't say you forget the pain, you just realize that it was worth it.

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NINNY165 1/19/2011 1:38PM

    Good for you emoticon ..I visited your other blog site.....Loved it...I too have alot of general thoughts at times....Just do not feel like writing about them....or not brave enough...Probably a little of both....good for you on a great visit

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 1/19/2011 1:33PM

    emoticon Awesome news for you!

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RIGBY31 1/19/2011 1:05PM

    You get to be the parent you always wanted. It's kind of a "do over" from your childhood. And remember, hubby adds to the mix, so it's a new blend of parenting. Go for it!

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MAIA2011 1/19/2011 1:04PM

    Don't worry about the geriatric pregnancy! Kelly Preston is 48! Just get in great shape, too, and you are good to go! My husband is a baby whisperer, too. I'm the problem. Good luck and great job impressing the doctor and spreading the Spark!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 1/19/2011 1:02PM

    That's so awesome! My doc said she was going to check out SP and she actually did, called me back, and said I was doing everything right! Not only is your doc going to be impressed with you, but she's going to love the site. As we all do!

Kids are awesome, and difficult, and the best thing ever, and yes they can be little devils at times. But no matter what, you're going to love them more than you can ever imagine loving anyone in your life. ps - labor hurts more than you ever thought humanly possible. But I promise you, you'll get over it. I had 2 kids, so I must have forgotten the pain from the first time around! It's an amazing journey!

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REDSASSENACH 1/19/2011 12:53PM

    Don't be afraid of giving birth. In the scheme of things, it doesn't last long, and I promise it's worth it and then some.

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SPALM01 1/19/2011 12:51PM

    Great blog! Honestly on the baby front - you don't need to spend so much time wondering about what kind of parent you will be - you will be fine! It's hard, but it's the greatest thing in the world. I had one very complicated birth and one very easy - both ended up being c-sections. It my house we realized that Mark was the "baby whisper" and I'm certainly the career person, so after my failed attempt to be a stay at home mom (I was going crazy and had all the grocery list programmed into excel!) We decided that Mark would stay at home since he is a writer and I would go to work. All the neighborhood kids adore him because he allows them to experiement and be free spirits where as I need organization and structure. My point is that you'll both figure it out. It's an adjustment, but a very worthwhile one. Also, if you don't want to physically have children I'm the compliance manager for a foster/adoption agency and I can give you information on adopting (for free) or fostering neglected children.

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DIANA_IS_BACK 1/19/2011 12:50PM

    Yay for you!

Don't stress too much about parenthood. No one is perfect, we just do the best we can and learn along the way. I like to say that my oldest daughter and I grew up together and now, she is my biggest support and cheer leader! I must have done something right! emoticon

Good Luck!
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Diana

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 1/19/2011 12:47PM

    Woo-hoo to a great doctor's visit! Every time I go to a doctor, I talk about getting pregnant, too. So exciting, I really can't wait!! Good job spreading the spark!

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KRAWRS 1/19/2011 12:46PM

    What a positive experience! And you SPREAD THE SPARK! Good for you!

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WORTHEYMOM 1/19/2011 12:45PM

    That is so awesome! I just schedule my yearly too - last year, days after my appt, I started SP. I was still 20+ lbs over what I was before I got pregnant with my son, who is now 5. She is a little worried about me and that really put the "spark" into me to start taking care of myself!

oh kids! I love my kids - it's not easy, but all worth it plus a zillion more! There are trying times, but to see what comes from all of it is life changing! My kids and my husband are the best things that have happened to me!

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