Wednesday, January 19, 2011
for the first time since I joined SP. It was not my primary but the girl doctor kind (sorry guys, TMI) but part of getting healthy is getting your yearlies and I want to talk about BABIES. Yes, it scares me to say that. See, I finally feel like I am at a good place in my life and ready to start thinking about it but it scares me, a lot. Especially when I see the women in my office and what they go through. I am the only one over 30 who doesn't have kids. It is a small office so its not like it is a ton of ladies but 2 are single mom's with 3 kids. We are all friendly so they chat with me about how difficult it is to be a single mom and a parent in general.
I am scared I will screw my kids up. I will make mistakes. I will be a yeller like my dad. I am scared to give birth. Honestly, it sounds like the most god awful experience on earth. After seeing my grandmother go through her lengthy illness it did help me to see that I do want children. I do have these romantic idea's of family holidays and grand babies some day and all those wonderful things. Just watching my fiancÚ with kids is enough to make you ovulate. Seriously, he is like a baby whisperer. They adore him and he is so patient. We agree on most general parenting ideas such as religion and discipline etc. However, he has a serious need to be liked so I am worried he will make me the bad guy. I have discussed it with him and he agree that we would be a team. I guess there is no point in worrying myself sick but I just am an obsessive person so there really is no point in telling myself to relax.
This was the first time I saw this lady and she was AMAZING. Unfortunately she isn't an OB/GYN or I would see her. She was shocked by my 80 lb weight loss and we talked about SP. She said she totally was going to look it up and start recommending it to people. WHO SPREAD THE SPARK? I DID I DID. She said it is so rare to see people lose that volume of weight and be so committed to it. I was beaming and she made me feel awesome.
So I need to add a calcium supplement and folic acid. I need to continue to improve my blood pressure. It has dropped 10 points since the last time I saw the doctor. All looks good. We laughed about how I am 2 years from a geriatric pregnancy. Lovely term.
I realized how much better I feel about me this visit versus in the past. I used to get so stressed going to the doctor because I knew the lecture was coming. You are fat, blah blah. I knew it and didn't want to hear it. Period. Now I am thrilled to talk about my weight and lifestyle :). It is exciting to see your dreams come true and how easy it is to achieve them when you are healthy.
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