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This isn't a diet, it is my life

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

After the gorgefest of the holidays I was literally dying to get back to my healthy eating. I fantasized about it the way I used to fantasize about cake and I loved me some cake let me tell you. I had fun with my family and I didn't go nuts on the actual holidays but I did eat way too many sweets while I was baking them and certainly not enough veggies the way I usually do. Yesterday I was determined to be back to normal and then I got excited. Normal is healthy. Normal is fruits and veggies and chugging water. I still drank water the way I normally do even when I was eating poorly. My body is so used to it now that I feel off if I am not drinking enough. I had been eating WAY to many simple carbs and not enough protein. I looked back at my tracker to see where I was off track and have made some meal adjustments for the rest of the week. It is shocking to me how those simple carbs make me feel like an addict. Yesterday I was cranky and hungry all day without them and I know it wasn't real hunger. It was the sugar withdrawal. When I cut out all that sugar I don't have the energy highs and lows and my mood is more even.
I have been thinking a lot about the word diet lately because with the new year coming we are going to see A LOT of new members many of whom will last a few days to a few weeks because they are here with a diet mentality. Even the people in my office are going on and on about starting a new "diet". I am excited to say this isn't a diet for me, it is my life, and I am excited and proud. My mom gave me money for my birthday and usually I give any monetary gifts to our savings or pay bills with it but this year I decided to stop depriving myself and doing for everyone else. I am just going to spend it on me. What made me laugh is that almost everything I would want is related to healthy living. I thought of workout clothes, a garmin, new clean eating books, Zumba videos the list goes on. In the past I would have blown the whole thing on a dinner for me and my fiancÚ. I thought a lot about how if he got the money he would spend it on himself. He works hard for his money so when he is rewarded he doesn't have a hard time enjoying it. Why do I? Why do I feel it is selfish to enjoy a reward?
I think the idea of a diet is somehow a punishment. A way to repent for our sins of overindulgence. That is why they don't work. You can't make something good happen when you start out so negative. I am proud of where I am and very excited for my future. I never imagined I could grow so attached to people I have never met. That our friendships could be so complex and deep. Sparkpeople really has helped me to change the direction of my life.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLY0NTHEWAL1 1/6/2011 7:13PM

    I can totally relate to not feeling right about spending money on myself. I'm often the first to be like, oh my sweetheart/sister/bff wants an [expensive item] and I'll save for it as a gift, but I am rarely so kind to myself. I started to come around to thinking, hey, why shouldn't I be my own bff and treat myself like the deserving lady that I AM? I'm glad to see I'm not the only one starting to value herself more.
Good for you!

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RACINGSLUG 1/3/2011 11:31AM

    I love this blog and your positive, realistic attitude. I know just what you mean about ''normal eating.'' I've been sick this week and got some cookie dough thinking it was like this one chance to indulge... it did nothing for me but make me yearn for real food. Sometimes when I'm feeling intimidated about doing this for the rest of my life, I remind myself to focus on just today... but that's really what it is about. Not a temporary change, this is the first day of the rest of our lives!

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PINK-PEONY 12/31/2010 12:38PM

    You are so right to spoil yourself and use your gift money to enhance your lifestyle! It's one more way to take care of you, and another brick in the building of how you live.

Happy New Year, here's to the best year yet!

Melissa

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ALOFA0509 12/31/2010 4:16AM

   
A-men.. Soo glad your taking the money spending it on yourself! Happy Shopping sista friend emoticon

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JO2TOM 12/30/2010 10:51PM

    Diet is like deprivation in my head. I really like the idea of a lifestyle change....not a one day fix, but a real change that improves my whole life. Have fun spending your own gift money...and enjoy. Happy New Years and not just the day...the whole year!!!!

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GRACEISENUF 12/30/2010 10:34PM

    No diet for me....it contains the word "die", that sums it up :).

Enjoy every penny of that birthday money!
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FIZZYBALL 12/30/2010 5:50PM

    emoticon What you going to get? I've been enjoying the zumba game.

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NUTS4NUTELLA 12/30/2010 10:39AM

    This blog really made me smile :) I LOVE hearing that people are proud of themselves and happy with their current direction in life!

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AMETHYST73 12/30/2010 1:09AM

    As garfield says, 'diet' is just 'DIE' with a 't' on the end...

Here's to a healthy lifestyle!

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SAMMYSWEETPEA 12/30/2010 12:25AM

    In't it interesting how quickly our bodies adjust? I'm the same way - I miss my veggies and water when I don't get them in.

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BELLALUCIA 12/29/2010 11:38PM

    Cool beans!

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LOVEUNDERLINED 12/29/2010 9:32PM

    The word "diet" makes me cringe, too. I don't feel right using it, but at the same time, I feel like "lifestyle change" or whatever sounds really snobby. So I usually just say "working out and eating better" -- but I do consider it a lifestyle change, for sure.

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 12/29/2010 8:42PM

    Loved this blog. Things just click when treating ourselves better becomes apart of our life, doesn't it? Good for you, girlfriend!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 12/29/2010 7:47PM

    Diets are ridiculous. For one, I believe that diets are a lifestyle and not a life event. So many people yo yo diet and its horrible on your body. If I feel like chocolate... I eat it. I eat a lot of fresh produce and have no choice but to eat well because I refuse to feel like ass if I eat poorly. We deserve to put our best food forward and food choices as you know, are key! We totally have to touch base sometime this week on what we have been discussing lately.

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NANHBH 12/29/2010 7:32PM

    Ashley,

So cool that you finally get that spending money on you is OK. You are WORTH it! And it was a gift to you! You are growing in self-confidence and self-efficacy constantly. I love reading about your growth!

Be well,
Nancy

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/29/2010 7:26PM

    *I* am excited for your new life too!!!

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BTRTHANEVA 12/29/2010 6:39PM

    HEALTHY is your new NORMAL!

Just the word DIEt scares me. You have embraced a whole new lifestyle.

Congratulations and thanks for sharing your wisdom. So young and so articulate. KUDOS!

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BRIAEL 12/29/2010 5:37PM

    Love it, you DESERVE to spoil yourself, you're worth it! :)

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LEXIE63 12/29/2010 5:31PM

    *applauds* Great blog! Enjoy spending on yourself. You deserve it! :-)
Hugs,
Lex xxx
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TRANSFORMWE 12/29/2010 5:16PM

    Great blog! And you expressed perfectly something I was struggling with just recently-- I had to post what reward I will give myself for achieving my goal. And it was hard to come up with one. At first I tried "being healthy is its own reward" but that felt like depriving myself. I finally settled on a new haircut for the thing I had to submit.

Last night, though I rewarded myself in the way I think works best - I made myself a nice healthy dinner and ate it at the table, by candlelight and with flowers, just because. (Then again, that was after I did 40 minutes on the elliptical, so maybe I did earn it.)
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OBSERVERNOMORE 12/29/2010 4:38PM

  Yes! Great blog! So excited that you see yourself as valuable and deserving of a reward! Have fun deciding how to spend it! emoticon

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KRAWRS 12/29/2010 4:27PM

    Woman are like that... we have a really hard time rewarding ourselves for some reason. Its a hard habit to break! And I was never one for the word "diet" either.... Diet implies temporary. We're in this for the long haul! Thanks for all your blog comments on my page recently. I always appreciate when people take the time to read and reply to my blogs!

Have a Happy and Healthy New Year!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 12/29/2010 3:37PM

    It's so difficult to do things for ourselves. I'm really glad you decided to "indulge" and do for you!

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AEBROWNSON 12/29/2010 3:06PM

    Terrific post, Ashley! I've now had two days of eating healthy after a couple of weeks of eating not so healthy, and I feel so much better! My normal eating is now healthy, not something I just do occasionally. Now it's the bad food choices that happen only occasionally.

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TERRYT55 12/29/2010 2:05PM

    You write the best blogs........I, too, will finally enter a new year without the word diet on my lips. This is my lifestyle and has been for almost a year.

I really loved the last couple of sentences about friendships here on SP. Last night I was reflecting on the people I've met here and the friendships I've formed. I've learned so much from so many. I hope to meet some in person this year!

Happy New Year

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LILMISSRED79 12/29/2010 2:05PM

    What a beautifully written blog! I commented to a friend of mine that I was happy to be back at work, back into my routine, and away from all of the sweets and fatty foods at my parents' house. She thought I was nuts, but it's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way!

I wish you a very happy and healthy 2011!

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CALIKIKI 12/29/2010 1:58PM

    Definitely a change in the way of life!

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RIGBY31 12/29/2010 1:52PM

    This is a way of life, definately! And you and all my SparkFriends are in my heart. Happy to get holiday things settled.

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WILLIAMV3 12/29/2010 1:48PM

    Yea for you. I feel the same way. This is my way of life. I do not feel like I'm on a diet. I just feel like I'm finally living the way I am supposed to be and the side benefit is the weight is coming off.

Happy New Year! emoticon

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/29/2010 1:46PM

    Yep, you nailed it exactly. I think most of us feel the same way. And yes, reward yourself. You do deserve to feel good. After all this is a life change not just some new diet. I agree with you. It's time to put ourselves first sometimes. You've earned it.
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ANN777 12/29/2010 1:45PM

    So true!

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LOSING107 12/29/2010 1:45PM

    I'm happy for you! And glad to see I wasn't the only one "fantasizing" about getting back to living healthy haha. I used to look forward to the holiday goodies, and this year was the first year I was getting irritable b/c I was finding it hard to fit in exercise and distance myself from food that's terrible for me. My Christmas gift to myself was the Jillian Michaels 6 Week 6 Pack dvd and a Collie Buddz album. So sure thing, go treat yourself, that's what the money is for!

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CARILOUIE 12/29/2010 1:43PM

    Oh I love love love this! Hooray for it NOT being a "diet."


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KBEAR9963 12/29/2010 1:41PM

    I think it's fair to say that all of us probably indulged a little more than we should have, but it sounds like it didn't affect you too bad if you are already getting back on track and enjoying your "healthy" foods again! Great job! Keep that up and you will do awesome! Best wishes for a wonderful New Year and new you! Keep sparking! emoticon

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YOURJONES 12/29/2010 1:39PM

    I know what you mean. Everything on my wish list was fitness related. LOL! Great blog! Happy New Year!
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LCHADBOURNE 12/29/2010 1:30PM

    Oh my gosh! Exactly! On everything!

I didn't go crazy and indulged a little (within range) over the holidays, but even that tiny bit of sugar is making me crabby sometimes and I'm not a crabby person. I quit it cold turkey once and am doing it again, but I was wondering why I was getting so crabby and short of patience and even that little bit must be the culprit!

I am the same way with gifts like that and my husband is the same as yours. Too funny!

I'm excited for your upcoming year and changes. You are such an amazing Sparkfriend. I know you will do great and kick some serious booty this next year!

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ANNE7X7 12/29/2010 1:28PM

    Awesome blog!! I totally agree with healthy = normal now. After a few too many treats, all I wanted for the past two days is SALAD. Yes, the girl that HATED salads last year was majorly craving a salad. It made me feel so much better physically than all that sugar!!

Good for you for spoiling yourself! You deserve it, girl!!

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The Truth About Your Weight Gain

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Please read this article. The most shocking was how they treated ground meat products with ammonia to kill pathogens. Know what you are eating! I want to be sick
health.yahoo.net/experts/eatthis/tru
th-about-your-weight-gain

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZLOIE2 12/29/2010 7:41PM

    Already saw this and told my partner we will never eat burgers from fast food again. Makes us feel sorta sick. Only safe food is what you can really see and cook yourself and grow in your garden.

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PRYDEQUEEN 12/29/2010 4:41PM

    Thank you!

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MARATHONBOUND 12/29/2010 4:21PM

    Great read, especially about the fast food burgers..makes breath a sigh of relief to be vegan. Thanks for sharing!

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LILMISSRED79 12/29/2010 2:10PM

    Disturbing, but incredibly informative. Thanks!

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AMOHAME2 12/29/2010 11:40AM

    Wow! Thanks for sharing that!

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/29/2010 5:17AM

    Thanks so much for the info link. Very helpful.

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GLOWORM1963 12/29/2010 4:17AM

    Gross ~ Wow ~ Unbelievable

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SAMMYSWEETPEA 12/29/2010 12:10AM

    Gross! Thanks for sharing this with us! Information is power.

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ZANNACHAN 12/28/2010 11:10PM

    Ugh. There's a reason we try to buy our meat organic as much as we can. Not only are their issues with processing meat, but a lot of meat at the supermarkets are loaded with hormones and other chemicals. Bleah emoticon

I was surprised though that the fake bacon bits are actually higher in calorie than the real ones. We always get real bacon bits (or make our own, on the rare occasion we have bacon at home) because my husband is allergic to the fake; guess that's not a bad thing! And interesting that turkey bacon, which I know people swear by, isn't much better either. We buy real bacon when we buy bacon--we do it so rarely that I don't really feel guilty about the indulgence.

The one about the fruit on the bottom yogurt is just tragic for me, though! I love the fruit on the bottom yogurt for breakfast in the summer--it's something I can get down (I have a really hard time eating breakfast) and it's tasty and has protein, and calcium etc. But I hate hate hate unsweetened yogurt--just can't stand the stuff. So I don't know what I would substitute for it.

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AMETHYST73 12/28/2010 11:01PM

    Thanks! I used to get your blogs but musta missed one and so stopped getting them - glad to read you again!

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PERFECTVELVET 12/28/2010 8:13PM

    I saw that article and thought the same thing! It's amazing!

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AEBROWNSON 12/28/2010 7:37PM

    The more I read, the more interested I become in clean eating! Organic, whole foods that I can cook from scratch! I need to get a copy of "Eat this, not that"!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 12/28/2010 7:26PM

    This isn't as gross as some things I have read. I watch a lot of documentaries!!!! Holy monkey balls is it ever disgusting. I just recently watched a new doc on GMO foods (genetically modified). It is boycotted out of the UK but North America as a whole allows it. WITHOUT CLEAR LABELING!!!! Something needs to be done. I'm so determined to be self sufficient. SCREW diapers, pre packaged foods, canned foods, etc. They aren't getting any money from me.

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TINA5318 12/28/2010 7:17PM

    wow. That was shocking!! Thank you for posting!

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KIMJEWKES 12/28/2010 6:30PM

    yucky!

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LIVINGPROOF006 12/28/2010 5:18PM

    Hmmm - i think i will be looking at my food differently

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JUST_SIMONE 12/28/2010 5:03PM

    Very interesting article. I like that the real versions of each thing made with real ingredients are so much healthier than the "low-fat" versions.

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TERRI77 12/28/2010 4:48PM

    Yuck!

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Going for goal in 2011

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

This holiday season had many blessings for me. Although my grandmother was missing from our celebrations she was very specific about her wishes that we not mourn her but celebrate her and go on with our lives. She truly wanted to be with my grandfather and she was ready to go. I had one moment of breakdown in which I sobbed uncontrollably while making her pie recipe but other than that I was able to have nothing but fond memories of her. I realized that I am so lucky to have my fiancÚ who I can not imagine my life without and our 2 families both of which I love so very much. We had a wonderful weekend of celebrating and spending time together. Yes, I really over did it but I am not going to punish myself over it. Today I am back on track and plan to stay there. I threw away all the leftover goodies this morning before snowshoed to work. (Not really lol but it felt like it with all the snow we got) Speaking of snowshoeing I really should give it a try hmmmm. Anyway all the eating and drinking made me reflect a lot on this past 7 months and what I hope to accomplish in 2011. I am not a resolution maker. I feel like they are falsehoods created out of obligation. What I am going to accomplish in 2011 are going to be my reality. No ifs ands or buts about it. MEZZOANGEL wrote a great blog about being happy where she is right now and it made me think a lot about myself. If I stopped today, would I be happy here, and the honest answer is no. I am not ready to stop. I am less focused on a number as a goal but just a feeling. I want to put on pants and not have a muffin top. I want to put on a shirt and not worry about it sticking to my belly. I am not going to lie and say I don't care about being in a bathing suit. I would love to be able to go to the beach and not feel like a freak. I don't think I am going to be a super model by any means but just to feel normal would be great. My ex husband was a fashion photographer and after seeing what a lot of those women look like in real life it helped me to realize NO ONE looks that good. They are all airbrushed and know how to pose for their best angles. I just want to be in a place where I feel comfortable and can get dressed to go out and not end up in tears every time. I am not there yet.
I am going to get to that place this year. My grandmother's greatest wish for me was to be healthy and happy and I am doing it not just for me but for her as well. She was proud of me for getting as far as I did before she passed and this year I am going for goal. So I say to you my amazing SP friends. Come with me. Lets accomplish our goals this year, whatever they may be. We can do it. Thank you for all the support this year. I am excited to see us all accomplish our dreams in 2011. Hugs, Ash

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NINNY165 12/31/2010 10:53AM

    Thanks for sharing ..... emoticon emoticon

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ALOFA0509 12/29/2010 12:17PM

   
Game On!!!! Look Out 2011 emoticon

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MISHKALA 12/29/2010 10:54AM

    Great blog! Your grandma has helped the whole SP community with her wonderful advice - what an angel. Thank you both for sharing. Let's do this together!! Mish emoticon emoticon

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.TARA. 12/28/2010 11:56PM

    Good for you! Watch out 2011!

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FIZZYBALL 12/28/2010 9:06PM

    Watch out 2011...Here we come...

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BTRTHANEVA 12/28/2010 6:40PM

    I can see where you get your positive attitude from! Your grandmother left a wonderful legacy in you! Way to make her proud and making her wishes your reality - keeping yourself happy & healthy!

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BIONICMONARCH 12/28/2010 6:25PM

    WATCH OUT 2011! Here we come!

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LYCABEL 12/28/2010 5:59PM

    Thank you for sharing.

We will reach our dreams this year. We can; we will.

Lyce

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HANNAH_CALM 12/28/2010 5:11PM

    Good blog! I hope this year is exactly how you need it to be!

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DEBBIE19580 12/28/2010 5:03PM

    im definitely by your side on this one ashley!!!! emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHYONE2008 12/28/2010 3:48PM

    I'm ready to join you in "going for the goal" we Can do this , now is the time.

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LADYV1781 12/28/2010 3:44PM

    Good for you doll!!!

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LUVDOGZ 12/28/2010 3:05PM

    Let's do it! 2011 is gonna be awesome!!!!

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MAIA2011 12/28/2010 1:05PM

    You'll rock 2011!

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BELLALUCIA 12/28/2010 12:58PM

    Here's to 2011 and to us, Cheers, bella mia!

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CALIKIKI 12/28/2010 12:44PM

    Right there with you all the way!

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ZANNACHAN 12/28/2010 12:33PM

    That's great! I know that the holidays are the hardest for me when it comes to lost grandparents, but I think it's great that you were able to celebrate them and focus on the fond memories, not the grief.

As for resolutions.... I generally don't make resolutions in the classic sense. I generally don't say "This year I'm not going to drink soft drinks." There area a couple of reasons for this. One is, if I set up a goal like that, what are the odds that New Years eve I'll be slamming back soft drinks like a fiend? Second is, if it's a goal that's a real challenge, then odds are I'm not going to be successful on the first round and the first time I cave and have a soft drink the resolution will have failed. Three, these kinds of goals often don't put my real goals in view--it's not the soft drinks specifically that are the issue, but rather than I'm trying to get healthier and part of that means cutting unnecessary sugar and caffeine.

I do find that the New Year is a good time to reevaluate what I'm doing with my life, what I want to be doing with my life/where I want to be, and how well those two match. If what I'm doing isn't getting me where I want to be, then I try to change things so that they are. This process often takes up most of January (so my "New Years resolutions" (which don't much resemble New Years resolutions in the classic sense) aren't often consolidated until early February. I'm okay with that. Also, I tend to go through the same process in June, though not usually quite as extensively.

For example, I know that one of my goals for 2011 is to deal with stress better. I want to try meditation, which I keep promising myself I will try but it keeps getting lost in the shuffle. But if I try meditating regularly and it doesn't work for me, there are other things I can try.... being in more regular contact with friends, having a more predictable schedule, working out regularly--including fencing, playing tennis, ice skating, etc.--getting more sunlight, getting a more regular sleep schedule, etc. And maybe I won't get where I want to be at the end of the year--this has been my goal for the last 2 years at least and I still have a really hard time relaxing and still am struggling with stress. But having it as a goal that I'm working toward means that even if I'm not "successful" I still benefit, and am still closer to my goal.

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SLFRISBEY 12/28/2010 12:07PM

    That's wonderful! You can do it and make all your dreams come true in 2011!

I am usually so depressed about the year ending but this year I am excited for what the next year holds!

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PHEFEY 12/28/2010 12:05PM

    Can't wait for it to start! I'm with ya! Bring it on!

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MAMADWARF 12/28/2010 12:00PM

    IM with ya, ash. The world is not gonna know what to do with all this hotness and confidance!!

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BADASSBLONDIE 12/28/2010 11:56AM

    *hugs* I really needed to see this today. Thank you.

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RIGBY31 12/28/2010 11:53AM

    Ashley.... I'm coming with you in 2011! Holy smokes it's going to be awesome!

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JESSICAW09 12/28/2010 11:48AM

    Great blog Ash and you can do it! I can't wait soon enough for 2011 to get here! I am going for goal this year as well!

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TERRYT55 12/28/2010 11:24AM

    Great blog........I am excited to see what 2011 brings too. I'm wishing you the best of luck achieving all of your goal! Happy New Year!

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CHICAT63 12/28/2010 11:24AM

    You are doing excellent, 2011 will bring you many more accomplishments I am sure ! Maybe even snowshoes...

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AEBROWNSON 12/28/2010 11:00AM

    I want to get there, too! I'm so close, but the goal is still so far away.

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SCHMEVELYN 12/28/2010 10:50AM

    You are doing SO great!

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CONNIE2POINT0 12/28/2010 10:46AM

    I'm with you, friend! emoticon

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Birthday Wrap Up (with pics)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

It is so crazy this time of year for us that I am a few days late with this blog but here it is anyway. My fiance gave me a pretty rockstar birthday this year. I picked him up from work at 6 AM and we went home to sleep for 2 hours and then piled into the car to head to the mall to do our Christmas shopping and get my birthday present emoticon. Every year I swear I will shop early and end up running around at the last minute. Case in point I still have items to pick up today. Shocker.
We arrived just as they opened and were able to find parking, score, and we headed over to Coach. The line was maybe 300 people!!! I couldn't believe it. We laughed and I said I had no intention of waiting that long and I could get my present after the holidays. We went to a few other stores and looked around but honestly didn't find much. I refuse to buy just for the sake of buying so it was rather disappointing. After an hour or so we circled back by Coach and the line was down to maybe 30 people so he insisted we wait. He stood outside for 45 minutes just to buy me my present in the freezing cold and on around 3 hours sleep total. He is pretty freaking awesome. I am very decisive to we did a quick lap and I had the bag I wanted.

I LOVE IT.
We headed home and napped together all afternoon. I had the intention of running some other errands but I was tired too and we only get 1 day a week off together ever so I ended up falling asleep and not getting up until almost dinner. We got all dressed up and headed out for sushi. I didn't take a pic of us. I was tired and not feeling great and just didn't feel like a photo op. We ordered a bottle of wine, an oyster appetizer (I have a serious oyster obsession) the sea conch special and some sushi. It was all totally amazing and delicious.

This is the sea conch. I love the presentation. We both like to try something new when we go out and this was not a hit. Glad I tried it but this is the second time I have eaten conch and I didn't like it either time so I think this will be the last.

Our nummy sushi. I am seriously obsessed. It was SO GOOD.
After we decided to walk a few blocks to a local dessert specialty restaurant where he had ordered a miniature cake for me and got cappuccinos. PERFECT end to dinner.
Here is my Ultimate Chocolate Mini Cake. Isn't it gorgeous?!

Worth every single calorie. We also enjoyed the bottle of sparkling wine my brother got me. A bit sweet for us but I liked it overall.


We snuggled up on the couch and watched Christmas movies. It meant a lot to me that despite how tired he was he went out of his way to make me happy. One of the best days I have had in recent memory and I feel really lucky to have people who love me so much in my life.
Thank you to all of my amazing SP friends who sent me such wonderful messages and love. I really don't know what I would do without you. Love, Ash

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHLOW 1/4/2011 5:48AM

    sounds super!

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TRANSFORMWE 12/29/2010 5:19PM

    What a great birthday!
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MCCLOD 12/28/2010 11:09PM

    Sounds like your day was Glorious!

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ODIROM 12/28/2010 12:54PM

    I find the Rose Rigale is BEST with DARK CHOCOLATE. Worth the calories and carbs for that...they REALLY go well. One mutes the other, but together they play a symphony...

Just my $.02.

Congrats!

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TRACYZABELLE 12/24/2010 6:27AM

    Awesome!! happy birthday!!!

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 12/23/2010 1:20PM

    Glad you had a great birthday.

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ROSEWCI 12/22/2010 8:04AM

    LOVE the bag!
emoticon on enjoying the celebrations!
So glad you had an emoticon birthday!

emoticon Rose

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MRSSIBRAT 12/22/2010 7:09AM

    aww! i am so glad you and your man could enjoy such an amazing day!! he is definitly a keeper!!!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 12/21/2010 10:25PM

    So glad you and your honey got to spend some good quality time together and celebrate your birthday too! Yay! Happy Birthday!

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KATHYJO56 12/21/2010 9:19PM

    What an awesome birthday you had and I'm glad that you shared the pics. That bag is way too cool. There is nothing like COACH! That cake looks like it could be on the food network. He did a wonderful job making your birthday very special.

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SAMMYSWEETPEA 12/21/2010 9:14PM

    That sounds like a perfect birthday! I'm glad your man spoiled you!

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CHICAT63 12/21/2010 8:49PM

    Perfect birthday celebration, great shopping ! Bravo for enjoying the excellent food, wine and compagny of course. Definate keeper that one *wink*

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/21/2010 7:24PM

    Hi, my name is Paula and I'm a Coach Whore.

SOOOOOOO beautiful!!

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HEALTHYONE2008 12/21/2010 7:11PM

    Happy belated Birthday! The mini cake looks delicious, want to share?
emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/21/2010 7:12:28 PM

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HANNAH_CALM 12/21/2010 6:39PM

    Cheers! You're cake looks too good to eat, wow! I hope you have an amazing year, and that it's just what you've hoped for. Happy Birthday again!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CARILOUIE 12/21/2010 5:27PM

    Sounds like an amazing birthday!

And I love oysters too... I get them every time I go to an ocean-y town.

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AMOHAME2 12/21/2010 5:12PM

    Wow, now THAT's a birthday celebration! Beautiful dinner and a gorgeous purse!!! I hope you loved every second of it, you deserved it!

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WILLIAMV3 12/21/2010 4:37PM

    It sounds like you had a lovely time. Happy Belated Birthday! emoticon

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CANADAUAE 12/21/2010 3:42PM

    Wow I have NEVER had a birthday like that! Woohoo...and the purse is so beautiful! I want that mini cake... :)

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FLGIRL1234 12/21/2010 3:31PM

    Sounds like a great birthday! Thanks for sharing!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 12/21/2010 3:26PM

    What a dream birthday you lucky girl!!! Have a wonderful day.

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GO-LOEW 12/21/2010 2:42PM

    So glad your birthday dinner made you so happy. He sounds like a peach!

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NANHBH 12/21/2010 2:29PM

    Awwww, Ash, what a great day it turned out to be afterall! Sometimes just "being" together is better than "doing" something together! Glad that you had a spectacular birthday! Cute bag, too! Wishing you good health and much happiness in the coming year.
emoticon
Nancy
emoticon

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AEBROWNSON 12/21/2010 1:55PM

    Awesome purse! Happy belated Birthday...You are indeed very blessed.

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DEBBIE19580 12/21/2010 1:26PM

    awwwww, that is such a sweet story, what a great awesome birthday you had!!! enjoy your new purse!!!! it's beautiful!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THEATERCHICK18 12/21/2010 1:07PM

    Happy Belated birthday! That bag is gorgeous and the food looks yummy too! I never knew you could eat conch.. learn something new... and also that mini cake mmm and perfect portion size for a sweet treat to share with your sweetie. Hope this year is filled with good things for such a good person!

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PAMATX 12/21/2010 1:03PM

    Happy Belated Birthday, Ashley! Love the handbag! Yay sushi!!

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MUSICLVR2675 12/21/2010 12:45PM

    yay, you deserve it! :) Happy Birthday girl! :)

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BELLALUCIA 12/21/2010 12:39PM

    You hit the jackpot with your man, Congrats!

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MADEMCHE 12/21/2010 12:36PM

    LOVE the handbag, and I am so very, very happy that you had a special day. You deserve it love. So glad the two of you got to spend a lovely day together. Hugs!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 12/21/2010 12:31PM

    Thanks everyone! The color is OPI California raspberry

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BADASSBLONDIE 12/21/2010 12:14PM

    This blog has made me overjoyed. You deserve every second of pampering. :D

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GRACEISENUF 12/21/2010 12:08PM

    Great purse and yummy looking edibles...glad you had a spectacular birthday with your honey.
emoticon

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OCEANS241 12/21/2010 11:48AM

  Love the purse and your nails look great - love the color :-)

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EMSJOURNEY 12/21/2010 11:28AM

    your food was so pretty! a lovely birthday, indeed. happy bee-day! =)

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RIGBY31 12/21/2010 11:25AM

    Your nails look maavelous, love the purse! And the one and only time I went to Finale's (Harvard Square), I still get all goose-bumpy here in California thinking about it. CozyCozy time on the couch... priceless!

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 12/21/2010 11:10AM

    Looks like you had a lovely birthday. The sushi pics had me drooling! Happy belated girlfriend!

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LAURENJAMIE816 12/21/2010 10:59AM

    Sounds like an amazing day!!! LOVE, LOVE the purse!! :)

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 12/21/2010 10:40AM

    What an awesome day! Glad your b-day turned out so great!

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MAMADWARF 12/21/2010 10:35AM

    perfect. so glad you guys had a great day together and the bag??? GORGEOUS!

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ALICALI 12/21/2010 10:24AM

    Happy Birthday Ashley, so happy you had such an amazing day! emoticon

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LADYV1781 12/21/2010 10:19AM

    YAY!!! Glad you had a great day! That purse is awesome!!! Good Fiance! :)

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PRETTYLILHEFFER 12/21/2010 10:08AM

    that purse is adorable! I am jealous! emoticon

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ZANNACHAN 12/21/2010 10:00AM

    I'm glad that you had such a great birthday celebration! Awesome.

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JMERLAU 12/21/2010 9:50AM

    sounds like you had a GREAT day Ashley! Good for you

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TYCA41458 12/21/2010 9:40AM

    What an amazing day! happy belated birthday to you!

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MCSNYDER1 12/21/2010 9:34AM

    What a wonderful day and a GORGEOUS purse--just like you!
I'm glad you had a wonderful day!

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KARVY09 12/21/2010 8:34AM

    What a gorgeous bag and that sushi looks fab!

Glad your birthday was great!
emoticon emoticon

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DEBBIEKAY1 12/21/2010 8:32AM

    What a emoticonDay

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TREASURINGLIFE 12/21/2010 8:22AM

    Sounds like an amazing day! You are very blessed - and the fact that you realize it makes it even better! :)

By the way, I love the purse!!

Have a WONDERFUL day - and happy belated birthday!!!!!

- Michelle

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I learned a lot about myself in just 24 hours

Friday, December 17, 2010

A few days ago I posted a blog about being upset with my fiancÚ regarding my birthday. For the most part I got wonderful supportive comments with a few condescending ones thrown in. Yes, I am sensitive person. I always have been and for some reason people seem to feel it is ok to openly criticize me for it. If I hear one more time "you are too sensitive" that person is going to get an earful. ALL of us have our issues. Mine stems from being screamed at on a daily basis for the better part of 22 years. If you kick a dog enough times it flinches when you try to pet it. That is me. My fiancÚ was shocked that at times when he would reach over to touch me I would jump. It's reactional and not something I have control over. It takes time and effort to heal deep scars. I deleted the blog not because someone said something to me but because I wanted to think about it on my own without anymore discussion. It also made me think about how I respond to other people's blogs. It is easy to click on an interesting title and make assumptions about someone else based on a few paragraphs but the reality is you know almost nothing about that person or their situation. It can be very easy to project your own personal issues onto someone else because a few words they used create a reaction or remind you of a personal situation. In all honesty I have read blogs and immediately been annoyed by something said or the way they said it but words are like swords. They have a lot of sharp edges and when used with skill they can be quite beautiful and artistic but when they are used sloppily they can do more harm than good. There were a few references to my fiancÚ as "the boyfriend" and how I shouldn't care what "the boyfriend" is doing and just do my own thing. I felt that reducing my life partner to nothing and basically calling him insignificant was hurtful and ignorant. It offended me deeply. Yes, you can again say I am sensitive but this is a person who knows nothing about me making very strong statements about who I am. I am not a women who can't be happy without my significant other at all. However, that doesn't mean I don't have the right to be hurt or upset about missing him all the time. He is my best friend and we both work opposite shifts and work 50 plus hours a week. We have very little time together. In a whole day I see him for 2-3 hours. I am lonely sometimes. Yes I have friends who I see on a regular basis but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to want to spend time with my husband. To me we are already married the paper is just a bonus. To trivialize that is cruel.
I talked with my mother for close to 2 hours that night about my abandonment issues. I am estranged from my fathers side of the family, they are all like him and I chose long ago to not be associated with their toxicity. My mothers side was torn apart by my uncles fighting over my grandparents money. I basically have an aunt, my mom and my brother. My cousins all moved very far away to get away from the fighting so I never see them anymore. To have someone tell you literally tens of thousands of times you are not wanted is psychologically damaging. Yes it is something I work on but I don't know that I will ever be able to move on completely from the damage. It is hard for me to attach to people because I don't trust anyone. When I do finally figure out people won't abandon me I am fiercely loyal and you have a friend for life. I used to hide my desire for approval behind anger. I was quick to be judge and criticize because I was always in defense mode. "You can't hurt me if I do it first" It doesn't win you many friends I can tell you that. It made me become a people pleaser because I desperately needed anyone to tell me I had value. I decided to let go of my anger with my fiancÚ about his telling them he would work on Friday and just tell him he hurt me a lot. Anger will destroy trust and respect and he deserves better than that. I was too hurt to talk about it during the day but before he went to work that night he knew how much he hurt me and he sincerely apologized and I could see on his face he truly felt badly. It told him everything I was feeling and why, no accusations, no you did this and that. Just simply that I felt abandoned and that I support his working weird hours all year and I felt disrespected and dismissed. He told me that he accepted the shift because January is very slow in our industry and he was worried about money and our savings but after he said he would do it he remembered that I had cancelled my own plans and he felt awful about it. We were able to find a resolution that we both felt better and were able to let it go. One of things I love about him is he is willing to put the same effort into this relationship that I am. Communication doesn't come natural for him but he tries and that is all I can ask.
I thought a lot that night about boundaries and setting them with people in both real life and on sparkpeople. In the morning I had to meet a client for whom I am planning a black tie dinner and I will be honest, she intimidated me. She owns this enormous multimillion dollar brownstone in downtown Boston and I felt for some reason I was not going to look good enough to plan her event and when she met me she wouldn't want to work with me. I don't own a great deal of clothing anymore because I keep shrinking out of them and I just am tired of buying them. When I knocked on her door she opened it in her pajamas, teeth and hair unbrushed and it took me aback for a second. I felt so stupid for letting someone intimidate me and letting me feel like less of a human being for stupid reasons. RJ4HEALTH sent me a great email about setting boundaries with people and it really helped me. This wasn't something I didn't know but I wasn't doing it. I wanted to share my journey with so many people because I wanted to try to help and I realized I am giving of myself too freely. I can't help anyone if what I am getting in return is damaging to me. Yes, people have the right to their own feelings and issues and I don't judge them for it. I understand why losing that last bit of weight can be frustrating. The problem is I internalize their words too easily. So what if I am "too sensitive". This is who I am and I have decided that until I am further along in my process I am not going to read blogs of people I don't know anymore. It makes me sad but unless I know them well enough to understand their situation and humor it is doing me more harm than good. I need to take care of me and the people who support me on a daily basis. Spreading myself too thinly isn't healthy and this is about regaining my health.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHLOW 1/4/2011 5:47AM

    Good for you. if i ever made an insensitive comment to you, i apologize for that, right here, right now. sometimes words can take on such different meaning, according to who reads them!I'm just happy you didn't quit sp after all :-).

hugs,
kath

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UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 12/22/2010 4:38PM

    As always, your blog resounds with me. I think I must have missed the other blog you deleted, but that's okay. It sounds like you had enough people telling you their opinion and probably mine wouldn't have amounted to anything real great either....That being said - I hope I never, ever offend you or hurt your feelings. If I have, it is not intentional. And if I ever do, or have, just shoot me an email and let me know. I am so happy to be your friend and to be lucky enough to read about your thoughts and feelings. It's a personal matter and it's nice that you share so much because it does help me (and others!) think about things in a different perspective and learn from what you've written.
I truly think you are fantastic! I hope you never stop being you! You're right - so what if you're a little over-sensitive? :) You're awesome, either way.

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EMMANYC 12/21/2010 8:05AM

    Good for you for being honest, Ashley.

There's a book out there that I've found incredibly helpful for communication issues - at home, at work, everywhere really. It's called "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most". You can get it on Amazon. It was written by some specialists who have been involved with the Harvard Negotiation Project. That sounds fancy, or academic, but it's not. It's a very down to earth book that shows us how to see situations from different perspectives - our own, our partner's, and an objective third person's - and use those different perspectives to help resolve issues compassionately. It sounds like you and your fiancee achieved this when you had the conversation about him working on a day you expected him to be off - this book helps you figure out how to take that approach consistently and mindfully. And it works even when the other person "doesn't want to play fair" ...

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F1AMEDIVA 12/20/2010 6:33PM

    Ashley,
Great blog! I too have issues with being labeled sensitive and it stems from an abusive childhood also. Sounds like you and your fiancee have a really good relationship. Communication is half the battle. Sounds like you have your priorities in order. emoticon
Chris

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LADYV1781 12/20/2010 9:29AM

    Good for you and thank you for that glimpse into your heart. You are a strong woman and I want you to know you are admired.

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VENISEW1 12/19/2010 8:20PM

    I really don't know anyone on here but I still comment & try & support in any way I can. I hope I've never hurt you. I'm thankful noone on here has hurt me but I too am very sensitive & get hurt very often outside of sparkpeople. Definitely can relate to untrusting & hurting before getting hurt and am trying hard to overcome those insecurities from verbal abuse as a child.

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RACINGSLUG 12/18/2010 9:51AM

    Wow, there is a lot I can relate to in this blog. Thanks for being so open and honest about your feelings. I understand how frustrating it can be for people to devalue your relationship - my husband and I were together for four years before we got married and there was always this sense that our relationship was viewed as less valid just because we weren't married. Actually it was pretty explicit as my FIL wouldn't let me stay the night at his house (even in a separate bedroom) until we were married. It really annoys me how people privilege marriage, esp. considering there are so many people in love out there who can't even get married if they wanted to.

I also understand the toll that it takes on a relationship to not see one another because you're both working so hard. This semester my husband has been getting home around 9:30-10pm every night, I feel like we never see each other. I really don't blame you for feeling hurt if he took a shift on your birthday, though I can understand how he would be worried about money in this tough economy. It really makes all the difference in the world when both people in a relationship are committed to making the effort to change behavior and thinking. That is something really special and I am glad you have that in your life.

I also have been accused of being too sensitive, and I also struggle with it because of emotional abuse. Out of all the trauma I went through it was being told I was a horrible selfish failure of a human being that had the biggest impact on me. My Mom also mocked me when her screaming insults made me cry, she told me I was a big baby and so immature and needed to grow up. So I also feel humiliated about feeling bad, and am really sensitive to accusations that I'm too sensitive! I still struggle with those feelings today. And I still find criticism really painful, because emotionally even if the critical person is well-meaning, all I hear is ''you're a horrible person who deserves to die.''

While it's true that most people really can't understand what it is like to be wired that way, it's also true that even if I didn't cause it, it's sort of my problem to deal with. I have worked a lot on taking criticism better and not caring so much what other people think of me. I'm not saying this is easy or that you should toughen up, just that I have learned people are never going to magically understand what it's like to be me, and in some sense I have to let go of whether they understand or not. I used to try to justify my feelings or whatever by explaining to people everything I had been through, but after some very intensive therapy for PTSD (prolonged exposure - highly recommended) I realized that there's no possible way anyone could understand. Even if I articulated it just the right way, used the perfect words, I still went through that experience alone and I alone know what's best for me and I alone have to figure out how to overcome it.

The reason we feel so sensitive sometimes is because we allow other people to dictate our sense of self-worth. Part of getting beyond that is learning to trust ourselves. I'm not saying it is easy. I'm not even saying I'm perfect at it. But that to me has been the core of healing from my past... taking charge of my own life. Setting boundaries is one way to start doing that.



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CARILOUIE 12/18/2010 8:18AM

    I think I've told you this before - my fiance works a lot, too. And it *is* hard. But you're right about the communication thing. If something is bothering me/us, we always talk about it instead of getting angry about it. We don't see each other enough to get angry at each other. It's not worth it.

From one "too sensitive" girl to another, you are a wonderful soul.

emoticon

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NANHBH 12/18/2010 12:29AM

    Ashley,

Great insights in your blog. I see great growth in you! I often have trouble with boundaries, so thank you for sharing RJ's suggestion. So glad to hear that you and your Sweetie talked things out and that you found resolution. That's what being in relationship is all about!

Happy birthday!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRACYZABELLE 12/17/2010 10:17PM

    I am the same way! grrrr! emoticon

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GO-LOEW 12/17/2010 7:37PM

    Very insightful!

My brother told me awhile ago to "stop biting at their tires" when I was fussing about how a couple in my life weren't doing what I thought they should. I could visualize a little dog frustrating itself while chasing a car and trying to bite the tires. I stopped calling them, emailing, etc., and just responded nicely when I heard from them. I am a lot happier and they no longer have a hold on me. (And, I suspect, they are a lot happier without me always trying to be more to them than they wanted.)

On the subject of reading the blogs, I have found some of the people so hurt that I didn't respond because I was afraid that my response might hurt them more than silence. Mostly I feel very fortunate that I have not been subjected to the hurt that lots of people have.

I'm glad you and your fiancÚ worked things out. He is a fortunate man to have found you.



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FIZZYBALL 12/17/2010 6:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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COCOMAC7 12/17/2010 5:32PM

    I am "too sensitive" as well and I tend to read more into things than they mean. I understand this hurts me more than it should, but it's who I am. I have tried to change it, but really all that accomplishes is me surpressing feelings and losing it later at something else. Not healthy.

You sound like you have reflected on the situation and come to a solution and good for you! Relationships (of any kind) are always work and it's nice that you guys were able to talk about it.



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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/17/2010 5:19PM

    Wow, you are so grounded. I love this, on so many levels. People DO do a lot of assuming, both here and in real life, and it's a great observation and self-check. Boundaries, I also relate to that. I've always had a difficult time establishing them. You have brought up a lot in my brain tonight, so thanks. I guess I have things to think about. emoticon

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SAMMYSWEETPEA 12/17/2010 4:45PM

    Wow, are you my sister? Because it sounds like we have the same father, and we've chosen to deal with him in the same way.

I'm not kidding that I could have written this whole thing myself. Kind of eerie actually.

But it sounds like you're feeling better and I'm glad for that. emoticon

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MELLYBEANS0919 12/17/2010 4:14PM

    I am "sensitive" too and have often thought I was too sensitive. I get my feelings hurt very easily. Be proud of who you are, and don't change.

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DUSTYGIRL25 12/17/2010 2:17PM

    Very well said. I believe in the old saying "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all" This should go for responding to people's blogs also. I find most people to be very positive and supportive on SparkPeople. The others should probably live by the above quote.
emoticon emoticon

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ZANNACHAN 12/17/2010 12:13PM

    Heh. I'm pretty sure that I called him your boyfriend, not because I was belittling the relationship but because it hadn't connected that you were engaged. Sorry about that.

For what it's worth, while I agree that it's hard to really know a person based on a few lines of a blog, I won't let that stop me from reading other people's blogs. I follow a lot of blogs on sparks now, but they all started with one blog. I would not say I know you well; but I'm getting to know you better by following your blog. It's like meeting people in real life--you can't get to know someone over one lunch or one party; it takes time and investment to get to know that person, and even then you only know the person that they present themselves to be--that's especially true on line. None of us post everything here; it's not private, for one thing. I don't talk a lot about lots of subjects here because I know that anyone on the internet can read it and I just don't want to put myself out there that much. But even so I have found that following blogs, and commenting on them, has been worth it to me.

That said, I do think it is important to give people the benefit of the doubt and to be supportive and kind and genuinely helpful. Sure there have been times when something someone posts, either on a blog or a message board, make me want to roll my eyes and say something snarky, but I'm not in their shoes. I'm not in their head space. And even if I were, being snarky doesn't help anyone.

So what if you are "too" sensitive? Just what does it mean to be "too" sensitive anyway? Is there some kind of standard of toughness that we should all subscribe to? And anyway what upsets me might not upset you--we all have our triggers, and I know that I have been really pissed off because someone belittled something that upset me. Trivial or not, the pain is still real. And being dismissive of that pain by saying "that's not important" doesn't help at all. It just makes me mad.

I do generally believe that it is important to 1) give people the benefit of the doubt. A lot of time hurt feelings etc. can be avoided if you try to give people the benefit of the doubt and talk to them about something that came across to you in an upsetting way--a lot of times people didn't mean it that way. Not always, but a lot of times. I also am a firm believer in the importance of conversation and communication.

From my perspective, you handled the situation about the birthdays etc. with your fiance well, and he responded well in turn. You talked to him about why you were upset; he explained what he was thinking, and apologized. You met half way and worked things out and hopefully are okay now. Still stinks about the birthday, but at least you are on the same page now.

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MADEMCHE 12/17/2010 11:18AM

    I am sensitive too love. And it stems from many of the the same issues that you spoke of, but not to the same degree. I think your choice to read only selected blogs is wise and I am so happy that you and your fiancee worked things out. You are right, let the anger go and just talk. Tell him what you are feeling. And in turn he does the same, which is wonderful. I am so happy for both of you, the support and love that both of you have for each other. Love you.

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WILLIAMV3 12/17/2010 11:14AM

    emoticon

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BROOKDOESLIFE 12/17/2010 11:01AM

    A lot of this journey is accepting things about ourselves that we know we can't change. I didn't take your blog at all like you were apologizing for being sensitive. It sounded like to me that you are accepting this part of you. I think you are a wonderful person, and I love that you are doing this for you. You take care of you, because you deserve the best.

"hugs"

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MAMADWARF 12/17/2010 10:51AM

    "One of things I love about him is he is willing to put the same effort into this relationship that I am."

I love that line the best becuase that is what it takes. That is how I have been married to Frank for over 20 years. The main thing is you were honest and you worked it out in a way that works for you two. That is what its all about, charlie brown. I also understand about feeling defensive about him. I posted a blog once when Frank had called me stupid. I was hurt (obviously) and really mad. But I quickly realized that while venting and getting compassion from my friends here, they dont know him and it cast him in a really bad light. That wasnt fair to him. As you know, I think he is wonderful and a fantastic hubby. We were having a moment. That does not define us.

BY the way, it didnt sound to me like you were apologizing, it sounded like you were explaining why you are the way you are. We all have demons, Ashley. You are more honest than most about what yours are and I always appreciate that you let us in that way. I hope you have a wonderful sushi birthday my friend.

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WORKINGSTIFF 12/17/2010 10:43AM

    I've already commented on your blog, but just want to say that you have really brought up some very good topics which have touched a lot of people.

That's what SP is all about-giving and getting support.

Thank you for sharing yourself with us.



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CARMINACG 12/17/2010 10:41AM

    Ok, In no particular order...LOL

- Dido on 'never apologizing for who you are' you know yourself best, you know your feelings and how you typically deal with them. Everyone is entitled to there feelings its what we learn from the actions connected to them is what counts.

- Bahaha Pajama's at the door - LOVE IT!

- Life often gets in the way of celibration! Period. This year my hunny and I turned 29 mid-week and we worked oposite shifts as well. Both of us took turn makeing a little cake for each other on the 'day' and then partied it up with friends on the weekend. When work, life, etc wasnt in the way. I can understand the reason he took the shift, and im happy he was aware of your feelings and appologized. Maybe you two can plan to do something little always on the day (like we do) so that you know even if you see each other for 30min a day, even on a special day you two can celibrate one another :)

Also the major point I have learned from bloging here on Spark is that if you are willing to write it down, and put it out there, just be willing to take a comment for what it is. You said it best - blogs are like 2 second glimps into someones life, feelings, problems, triumphs, joys, sadnesses, etc...
Anyone who feels they have the right to barade someone for sharing should pop another crazy pill! LOL

Sending you lots of hugs and wishing you a very happy wonderful belated birthday! ;)

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HEALTHYASHLEY 12/17/2010 10:26AM

    I am not apologizing. I didnt realize it sounded that way. I am fine with being sensitive.

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CHICAT63 12/17/2010 10:08AM

    Others are right, do not apologize for who you are. Life is too short. You are a strong, confident, beautiful woman and we are here for you !!!

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SHERYLDS 12/17/2010 10:07AM

    Nothing wrong with being sensitive EXCEPT that you are allowing a perfect stranger's opinion to affect you. That's one of the great things about getting older, You learn not to give a damn about what someone else thinks...it's so liberating. Try it, you'll like it. emoticon

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KJDOESLIFE 12/17/2010 10:01AM

    I understand the trivialization (word?) of relationships. When I talked about my BF, people I don't know well always have the reaction of, "Oh, how cute, your BOYFRIEND, tee hee. Oh make sure you ask his permission." Um... really? We've been together 5 years, lived together over a year, are very committed/serious/etc and are planning on getting married at some point in the future. But just because we aren't engaged or married, people assume it's nothing. Rude, rude, rude.

Love the part about the woman answering the door. I put people on pedastals, too, and assume they don't want to talk to me because they are so far above me. I mentioned to my BF last night about maybe trying to run a marathon one day, as I've been learning that I can run and running long distances is pretty cool and nowhere near as terrible as I thought. I told him that I thought "normal" people couldn't do that sort of thing. His response? "You have GOT to stop thinking of yourself as 'normal' or 'less than normal.'" I didn't realize I had mentally gotten to the point where I think of myself as being lesser than most. Eye opener.

I'm glad you're doing better. We go through emotional journeys all the time, but I think weight loss brings a lot of emotional trauma to the forefront. Why we weigh what we weigh, why we don't like ourselves or why we think less of ourselves. It's a rough journey and I think most people on SP just want to help. :)

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JODY22002 12/17/2010 10:01AM

    Please don't see "being overly sensitive" as a fault. It isn't or at least i don't see it that way. Your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to them. There is no right or wrong.

I hope you and your fiance have something fabulous planned for your birthday.

I'm a lot like you. Sensitive, as well. I tend to be a stuffer though and I don't say anything when my feelings are hurt because I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. I'm working on it. :)

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SLFRISBEY 12/17/2010 9:47AM

    I am alot like you. My dad's second wife did awful things to me and it has taken a toll on my relationship with him even though they are no longer married. That he would let her treat me that way has made it so that we really only see each other on holidays and I do love my little half brother so I go to my dad's to see him. It is something I still struggle with, I can hear her words in my head and I want to cry... and I am supposed to be a grown @$$ woman!

Don't apologize for who you are. You are completely entitled to have your feelings and your emotions. It's hard when it's not maybe the "norm" but you are your own person, and we all love you for that!

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STASKER 12/17/2010 9:36AM

  You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders. You also strike me as a truly deep person. Don't ever let anyone make you feel that you are unloved or not worthy. I can relate to the trust issues and not having very many friends. I tend to keep my feelings inside and put on a happy face for the world to see just so people think I have it all together.....I don't. No one does no matter what their situation may look like from an outside view. Keep being you. Keep going the distance. Be a better you for you. Not them. Keep your head up. And smile...it improves your face value!! Have a great weekend!!
emoticon

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LITTLEONEJLC 12/17/2010 9:35AM

    I am finding that a lot of this spark journey is about self-discovery. Be true to yourself.

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LCHADBOURNE 12/17/2010 9:29AM

    You must be a carpenter, because in that first paragraph, you hit a lot of nails on their heads. ;)

You are not "too" sensitive, you are honest and wonderful. Everyone is different and no one has walked in your shoes. I'm glad that you are sticking around!

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UNSTOPPABLEJEN 12/17/2010 9:20AM

    Ashley, you are a warm, open person and you wear your heart on your sleeve. Please, never apologize for that - it is one of the endearing qualities that you possess that draws people to you. I don't know you all that well (just through sparkpeople) but I can honestly tell you that your caring, sweet attitude has been a blessing to me because you are always so quick to reach out with an encouraging word or a virtual hug.

I think boundaries are important - they are a protection to us in the same way that the walls of our house protect us. They shelter us from the cold outside, and allow us to let in only the people worthy of our trust. Your fiancee sounds very loving. I liked how you said that "One of things I love about him is he is willing to put the same effort into this relationship that I am." That is a sure sign that he is a keeper - he respects and cares enough about you to meet you at least halfway. In all relationships there are disagreements and misunderstandings - it's part of being in a close relationship with another human being - but the fact that he's willing to talk about it and work on the relationship is awesome.

I'm rambling but I just wanted you to know that I adore your sensitivity and I hope that you don't let a few critical people take that away. You have a beautiful heart and I'm so glad you are my sparkfriend.
emoticonJennifer

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WORKINGSTIFF 12/17/2010 9:20AM

    You are who you are and as stated by mrssibrat, you have no need to apologize for who you are.

We are each formed along the way by our individual journeys.

I really applaud you for being direct and honest with your fiance. Men and women truly have different communication styles, and sometimes it takes a long time to get to know each other. I've been married 25 years to a man who works an opposite shift than mine so I can say "Amen" to what you're dealing with. It takes so much more to stay in synch, even if it's just a nightly phone call to check in and get caught up.

Read the blogs you want to read, ignore the rest. I believe that what we put into our minds (reading, TV, etc) has a huge impact on who we are.

And don't be too intimidated by others. I tell people that "God is the great equalizer." We are all good at some things, and not so good at others. Or, as my dear mother would say it:"He or she puts her pants on one leg at a time just like I do."

My best to you-have a great weekend!

Helen

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BELLALUCIA 12/17/2010 9:02AM

    I think you are making a good decision with only responding to the blogs of people you know. You are a great person and if people were more sensitive, there'd be little fighting.

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MRSSIBRAT 12/17/2010 9:01AM

    never aploigze for being who you are....you aren't "TOO"sensitive...it was an issue that was important to you and you should never feel bad about that. we are here for you...! hugs

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