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My subconscious view of myself in a dream

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Last night I had a dream that I was out with some friends and we were at a Halloween party. In reality I don't even know any of these people. All my friends were really tall and laughing and I felt insecure, tiny and very left out even though they weren't purposefully making me feel that way. I had liked how I looked when I went to the party and then we came upon a mirror. They all looked gorgeous and I looked short, frumpy, very overweight and my hair was a mess. As I gazed in the mirror I felt instantly defeated and ashamed of what I look like. Then I woke up. It was unbelievably powerful. Have you ever heard of in Native American culture they have spirit dreams? That is what this felt like. My soul telling me something.
This is how I really see myself BUT NOT HOW OTHERS SEE ME. Why have I been torturing myself all this time? Our perception of ourselves is so different than the reality. Some of us see ourselves as more attractive or thin than we really are. Most I think see themselves like I do, worse than we truly are. I get so many positive messages and people telling me how much they love my writing. When will I truly believe that I am worthy? In so many social situations I feel like I don't belong, that I don't deserve to be there and as the weight is coming I am realizing it wasn't those around me who made me feel that way, it was me.
Yes, I was bullied as a child. Yes, I was abused by my father. I can not change those things but I can change letting those people bully me for the rest of my life. I am not that little girl anymore and I am done letting those memories haunt me and control who I am today.
We can be whomever we choose to be. Remember that. This life is yours, you have the choices. I decided to let the sad, shy, fat girl in the mirror move on because I have moved on. You can too. Do it with me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAY1787 1/12/2011 7:15AM

    Great thoughts about spirit dreams. I totally believe in them too. I have had dreams like that. I have also had dreams that were very deja vu in the sense that I dream about something before it happens. Very wierd!
I used to have dreams about my teeth falling out. When you have a dream like that, it means that you have poor self esteem, but lately, now that I am eating healthier and have changed my lifestyle I rarely have a dream like that.

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DIVADOLL73 11/16/2010 2:41PM

    I'am with you Ashley we gone DO THIS!!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/16/2010 2:42:14 PM

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BAMBAM87 11/5/2010 11:09PM

    To see yourself in your dream, is a reflection of how you act and behave in your waking life.�Consider what you are doing and how you are feeling in the dream for additional significance.

pretty nail on the head hey?

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MAIA2011 11/4/2010 6:30PM

    You are sweet and wonderful and my great wish is to go back in time and beat up everyone who has ever been unkind to you.

(Do the right thing and burn calories, too. It's a win-win.)


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PRETTYINPUNK_04 11/4/2010 2:27PM

    This blog was very insightful:) thanks!

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BRITCHES82 11/4/2010 12:46PM

    Awesome blog! I totally get the idea of perceiving yourself differently than everyone else does. I am always fearing that I look worse to people then I feel I am... which is pretty bad already. Keep your head up. You are doing awesome and you are incredibly insightful :)

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JENPOSS 11/3/2010 11:48AM

    I struggle with perception too. I have days where I still feel like the extremely skinny girl I used to be.. and then I have days where I feel like the obese girl I used to be. It's hard to get past the mental side of weight loss and believe in yourself. I just had this conversation last week with a guy that I run with weekly. He can see my weight loss.. so why can't I see what others see... I've even considered therapy. Which may be what I do when I reach my goal weight.. that is if I still have this mental block.

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REGID63 11/3/2010 11:26AM

  One day at work I was browsing SP because I had finished all that needed to be done that day....I was planning on looking up a new work out to switch up some exercises for one of my clients, instead I found myself an hour later still reading through your many Blog entries and feeling like I had made a new friend! I really enjoy your writing style and the raw honesty you display. It was an emotional rollercoaster for me as I read about your successes and struggles, victories and heart felt thoughts. I am so excited for you! Keep on going!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your life and being such an encouragement. emoticon

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    Wow thats one powerful dream- lucky you to wake up with such clarity!

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KHELMAN 11/2/2010 6:56PM

    emoticon very powerful you really know what to say to get peoples attention great blog

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MCSNYDER1 11/2/2010 4:59PM

    I do this to myself, Ashley, only when I'm awake! You see I AM the short, frumpy friend. All of my friends are tall and gorgeous. When I look in the mirror, I see a face that looks 25 years older than I am! It really bothers me. YOU, on the other hand, ARE young and gorgeous!!!

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KRAWRS 11/2/2010 4:08PM

    In our dreams, we often express what we "cannot" (or "could not") admit in real life.

Glad this made its way to your conscious thought. I feel the same way, in real life, as you did in your dream. I'd like to merge the two views (how I see myself vs. how others see me) in the near future.

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JOURNEY2DESTINY 11/2/2010 2:06PM

    The mind is your toughest opponent. It knows everything you do and how to twist it so that you see the same thing multiple ways. I understand your situation because it sounds so much like my own. I'm getting there too everyday, I'm a little stronger and a little wiser. It will get better.

Keep Sparkin

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BTRTHANEVA 11/2/2010 1:17PM

    You are moving past being the victim. You are becoming your own victorious woman and best friend! Congratulations for having the perseverence and awareness to take control of the only person on this earth that really matters - yourself.

For someone so young, you wise beyond your years. (mentally, that is... You're still a hot, young chickie!!!)

Great blog, Ashley.

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GREENSCRAPCAT 11/2/2010 1:12PM

    Great blog, very powerful!

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BADASSBLONDIE 11/2/2010 12:27PM

    "I am not that little girl anymore and I am done letting those memories haunt me and control who I am today. "

Extremely powerful.

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NUMD97 11/2/2010 12:17PM

    Outstanding. Simply outstanding. I'll add my vote to the others who have commented on your writing: You do do it well. And now you have it in writing as well! We can't all be wrong, can we?

I have seen that so much of this journey that we all are on, is truly about "us vs. ourselves" more than anything else. For whatever the reason or reasons, we allowed a lot of this to happen. And, likewise, we all have realized that it is time (high time, if you will) to discard this mantle of self-abuse and to live our lives as fully and as happily as we deserve.

Sure, I'll walk along side you as you continue on your quest. And others will also follow in step.

All the best,


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AUNTIELES53 11/2/2010 11:56AM

    thanks for the blog i LOVED it and i'm with you :)

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FRIZGIRL 11/2/2010 11:29AM

    This is a really powerful, and revealing blog! What a great step in changing your self-perception and succeeding in your journey!

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KARENIN1DERLAND 11/2/2010 11:27AM

    It's amazing how powerful our subconscious minds can be. Great job with taking control of YOUR life...

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FLWRCHLD97 11/2/2010 11:18AM

    Thank you for posting this and being honest. I will join you!!! emoticon

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RHONDA_11 11/2/2010 11:01AM

    Wow, very insightful and true! Thank you emoticon

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SKYEPHOENIX 11/2/2010 10:54AM

    "Our perceptions of ourselves IS our reality. " QFT.

I was bullied a LOT throughout school. One of the key things for me to get past it, was to realize a very simple truth--we are the stars of our OWN drama. Meaning, people (ones you don't know) don't think about you for more than the 30 seconds to a couple of minutes they might chat with you. Then they continue on in their own head, thinking in relation to themselves. And yes, if you perceive yourself as awkward and not fitting in, that's what they'll pick up on--from you. Not because they actually think that.
I realized how little people actually thought about me, when I observed my own reaction to people throughout the day. :)

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HEALTHYONE2008 11/2/2010 10:51AM

    emoticonblog Ashley, you sure know how to put your thoughts in words. Something that we all need to remember "We all are beautiful" and we all can be what we want to be. Always remember this.

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MAMADWARF 11/2/2010 10:10AM

    Great dream interpretation, Ashley. Very powerful dream and I am so glad you took the message that was being sent to you. I am glad you are ready to let the old you go cause the you I know is fantastic and worthy and loving and strong and beautiful and talented and loving and sweet and honest and brilliant.
Basically, pretty awesome.

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MEGSFITNESS 11/2/2010 10:03AM

    I would've cried had that dream been mine but I'm so glad you saw the message that you were supposed to see-that you already ARE beautiful, worthy and even more--you're worth while.

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MOMOF2RUNSAGAIN 11/2/2010 9:58AM

    Awesome blog! So, so true!!!

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    Wow, that was powerfully written, and VERY true!

I have to tell you this, because I think you will appreciate the irony in it. When I first stumbled across your sparkpage, I saw not only all of the progress that you had made, but also how GORGEOUS you are, and I thought, "She will never want to friend me! I look like a fat troll!" But I subscribed to your blog and the more I read your posts, the more that I realized that even though you are beautiful, you are going through the same struggles that I am, so I finally friended you. It is ironic that you see actually yourself as unattractive!

I had tears in my eyes when I read the end of your blog where you said, "We can be whomever we choose to be. Remember that. This life is yours, you have the choices. I decided to let the sad, shy, fat girl in the mirror move on because I have moved on. You can too. Do it with me. " I think I'm ready to join you, Ashley!

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FUZZY1TOO 11/2/2010 9:47AM

    Ashley, as usual, you are very insightful. I have been struggling with this for years and have just the last week or so, in fact....started to get past that 'fat chick' image in my head.
You are a beautiful woman, inside and out, and it'll happen. You have taken the first step in beating that inner mirror. Let's both get out our sledgehammers and smash it to bits....then we can go shopping for a new one! How'bout some new clothes while we're at it, too? lol

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KARLI7707 11/2/2010 9:46AM

    I totally 100% agree with you! Good job looking at things that are hard to deal with... it's the only way to get through it!

Good luck on your journey... and you are so totally worthy! :) emoticon emoticon

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TADTURC 11/2/2010 9:45AM

    very powerful blog. I admire those that can put their feelings into words. Im glad you're there.

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ANGELOO29 11/2/2010 9:39AM

    Very positive message! We all have negative things in our past and people that have hurt us. Making the DECISION to change our thinking and move forward is necessary. Good for you! :)

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AMOHAME2 11/2/2010 9:37AM

    I struggle with this every day. Seeing myself as the "fat girl" still, when I know nobody else sees me that way. I know it's going to take some time to get past it but I really do think it'll happen! It has without a doubt been the hardest part of this weight loss journey, I'm sure for a lot of people. I remember hearing about a study that was done once, women on a beach were asked to point out the model who most resembled themselves in terms of size and shape. Some overwhelming percentage chose a model who was, in fact, quite a bit larger. As they say, we are definitely our own harshest critics!

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GIANTMICROBE 11/2/2010 9:34AM

    There was this one time I'd been overdoing it with food, and I had a dream that I was kneeled over a trough, snarfing cake with my face, no hands. The subconscious is absolutely amazing.

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SLFRISBEY 11/2/2010 9:34AM

    You are a strong beautiful woman! I tend to have the opposite happen in dreams, I am a hot sexy chick and then I wake up and I am sad. I know that I can get there but it's so discouraging. Time to hit the elliptical again tonight!

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Sick all weekend :(

Sunday, October 31, 2010

This past week has been pretty stressful. In addition to all that I told you in my blog about my family the company I work for had an enormous 3000 person event on Thursday which means all of us, no matter what we do, are expected to pitch in. Which is fine, I like to do manual labor sometimes. It feels good to work hard. Well I was feeling really off all week. Just exhausted beyond any normal level so I had a feeling I had something coming on. I was literally going home and going to sleep at 6PM every night. During a meeting with a new client on Tuesday night I broke out into cold sweets and almost passed out. It was embarrassing and it scared me. All of this lead up to Thursday afternoon, just hours before the event, my head filling up and throbbing like an overfull balloon. I knew I was in trouble. I made it through the event and most of work on Friday but by 3PM it was all I could do to sit at my desk so I went home. My fiance was home and awake, which is a rarity considering how much he works. I was happy because I thought we could watch movies and snuggle. I rented him the Thomas Crown Affair, which he loved (almost all movies in English are new to him so I can rent old movies all the time), and Sex in the City 2 for me. I felt like it was a bit too long and the Middle East portion was pretty lame. They could have cut that whole part out and it would have been better. I also think they have pretty much beat the dead horse on that series so I hope they go out gracefully. I love my fiance a lot and he is good at most things but not at taking care of me when I am sick. For some reason he always thinks I am exaggerating how bad I feel, forget that when he gets so much as sniffle he wants to be babied and curls up on the couch making his sick face for DAYS. When I asked him to make me something to eat because I was hungry he ordered chinese food. This was one of the few times I wished I actually had a can of soup in the house. I never buy canned soups. Too much sodium. I had some rice and protein and it worked out fine. He knows I don't like fried and greesy items so he made good choices.
Saturday I thought I was better in the morning, colds are good at tricking you, so we went out to run some errands and pick up groceries. By the end of groceries I was so tired I could barely keep moving. We came home. I forgot to get my soup, duh, and I was bummed when I got home. We spent the rest of the evening again curled up watching Ironman 2 and some Colombian shows on TV. I drugged myself on nyquil and slept until noon this morning. Drove him to work and then slept until 6PM. It really bites to wait all week for the weekend and then spend it in bed sick.
Our 3 year anniversary is next week! Yeah. I can't believe it has been that long already. I feel like we have always been together but that the time has flown by so fast at the same time. We decided last night to cancel our reservations at this fancy french place we had picked and to go out for sushi. I introduced him to sushi when he first moved here and he has loved it ever since. It seems like a more us kind of dinner and it should be fun. Nice way to celebrate.
Hopefully I will feel better soon. I did realize that being sick and having no appetite, a lot of my eating is boredom and stress, not physical hunger. I plan on focusing on hunger cues a lot more now. I hope you all had a safe and happy Halloween weekend. I managed to escape candy free. We will see about the office tomorrow!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 11/22/2010 8:48AM

    Congrats on that anniversary!!

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BELLALUCIA 11/3/2010 1:17PM

    Feel better love!

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KRAWRS 11/2/2010 4:06PM

    Hope you're feeling better! Guys always think we're exagerating when we're sick, even though we wait til the last possible second to even admit to sickness, much less halt what we're doing to take care of ourselves ... but got forbid they have a headache or the sniffles! Stop the world! hahahaha.

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SHERRYLHBB 11/2/2010 8:51AM

    What great insight you pulled out of a crummy situation! I hope you're feeling yourself again soon. And happy anniversary!

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TRACYZABELLE 11/2/2010 5:06AM

    I hope you feel better too-- Get SF ice pops and maybe you will feel better as well... CHicken broth or even get fromt he chinese restaurant- soup-- Hot and sour is good to make you sweat~

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LJOHN44 11/1/2010 10:02PM

    I hope you feel better. Drink liquids and get a lot of rest. Don't over do it too fast. I hope you are in tip top shape for your anniversary!

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BADASSBLONDIE 11/1/2010 6:20PM

    Feel better! *hugs*

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 11/1/2010 5:30PM

    Awe I had a rough week too:( hope your feeling better. That's exciting about your anniversary! And cambells has low sodium soup=)

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    AWE...I hope you get well soon. Happy Anniversary!!!

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MEGSFITNESS 11/1/2010 2:07PM

    Men wanna be coddled but don't know how to coddle! lol.. poor girl... I hope you're feeling better by now. Happy Halloween!! And Happy early anniversary.

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ALYSSAMICHELLE5 11/1/2010 11:01AM

    I hope that you are feeling better today! Happy early Anniversary!

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HAZELDREAMS 11/1/2010 8:59AM

    Get well soon! We rented Iron Man 2 a few weeks ago and couldn't make it through the movie.. uggh.. Prince of Persia was on our list this weekend and while it was slow going and drawn out. it did have a fabulous ending. Also watched a kids movie and a zombie movie. fun!

I hope you get the rest you need and deserve... Oh and men are always like that.. I have a hard time with my hubby because he has MS.. and no matter what I get .. cold, or the outpatient surgery I had in Sept.. nothing is like what he deals with. sighs.. Gets old fast!!

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ALOFA0509 11/1/2010 3:17AM

Take care of you!!! Get well soon- emoticon

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ALICALI 11/1/2010 2:02AM

    Hey Ashley, I'm so sorry to hear how rotten you've been feeling. If I was there I would make you some nice pumkin/northern bean/mushroom soup, using LOW SODIUM ORGANIC chicken broth, with lots of garlic, a little curry, shallots and italian seasoning, then I'd puree it nice and smooth with my immersion blender, then you could sip it from you favorite mug. Take care girlfriend, I'll be thinking about you. emoticon

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HOPERISING 11/1/2010 1:02AM

    emoticon Hope you get to feeling better! I was sick all week too... and definately decided that the nausea and vomiting were just viral.. because my son just threw up all over me minutes ago. Hence the reason I am up on spark people at 1AM before my surgery! Oh well, i figure I'll get some time to catch up on my sleep later! And as for the man in your life, you have to TEACH them how to care for you... most men aren't born with that gene!

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REM-CYCLES 10/31/2010 11:39PM

    Sure hope you are feeling better soon - hey, if you have a "Trader Joes" nearby, look in the freezer section for "Tom Yam Soup" - a Thai soup that is SOOOooo good!

it is in the frozen section, it is in a greenish bag. I put an entry in my blog

Hydrate - do all the stuff you know for getting well - hope you're better real soon.

Comment edited on: 10/31/2010 11:45:05 PM

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MAMADWARF 10/31/2010 10:14PM

    oh yea, happy anniversary!!!

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MAMADWARF 10/31/2010 10:14PM

    well I hope you feel better soon. It is a guy thing to be like that. My sister's boyfriend told her once that his sunburn was worse than childbirth!! lol. Im proud of you for learning something about yourself, even while you are sick! take care of yourself!!

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SUNSHINE1234 10/31/2010 10:10PM

    My Dh and I had sinus infections at the same time and all he did was complain for 3 days.I finally told him to knock it off, we weren't dying, the doctor said my lungs were much worse than his, do you see me carrying on like you, lol. By the way, we have been married for 40 years, so , don't expect them to change. i hope that you are feeling better

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MAIA2011 10/31/2010 9:44PM

    Your fiance and my husband are the SAME person! (Not literally, we aren't sister wives or anything like that.)

When I can't walk because of plantar fasciitis he's like hurry up and walk it off. Meanwhile, he has been moaning and crying for days with a sore throat and I haven't heard a single cough or sneeze. Still, I'm putting blankets on him and rubbing his feet and bringing him hot chocolate and cooking all his favorite foods...hmm, I am starting to see why he is "sick" all the time.

The movie thing is AWESOME! He grew up in Belize without TV (or electricity for that matter) so I have introduced him to everything from Top Gun to Back to the Future to Breakfast Club and BEYOND. It's a total cheese-fest all day everyday! Also introduced him to grilled cheese. Now, THAT'S a classic.

Hope you feel better soon!

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SHAWFAN 10/31/2010 8:47PM

    I'm sorry you were sick. Hope you are feeling better this week and for your anniversary.

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MCSNYDER1 10/31/2010 8:22PM

    I think most men act the way your fiance acts when their love is sick! They just can't handle taking care of us the way we take care of them!!! I'm sure there are some who can, but I've never met any of them!!!!!
I'm sorry you were sick.

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AMOHAME2 10/31/2010 8:18PM

    Take good care of yourself!

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NINNY165 10/31/2010 8:08PM

    emoticon emoticon Take care of yourself....

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HEALTHYONE2008 10/31/2010 7:59PM

    Sure hope that you are feeling better. I went through the same thing about 2 weeks ago. Started on a Friday and went until Thursday. Chills and just week all over. It sure was the pits.

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CARILOUIE 10/31/2010 7:49PM

    Bleh... I feel a little something coming on, too... and you're right, colds are very tricky.
I hope you feel better soon!

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CONNIE1-11 10/31/2010 7:34PM

  emoticon emoticon

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CONNIE1-11 10/31/2010 7:33PM

  emoticon emoticon

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Read this: "Should fatties get a room?"

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A blog with this title was published by a Marie Claire writer this week.

Here is an article about the fury and outrage her article created. I am happy to see so many people standing up against this kind of ignorance.

If you google the subject there are lots of articles about it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIANEG33 11/6/2010 11:30PM

  This is an incredibly sad and ill-informed article. I'm new to Spark People and to the journey to get to the weight I want and need to be - but I'm doing it with the love of people (many of the fit and trim size) who are cheering me on and want me to succeed, and will love me whether I do or not. Obesity is a disease, but it is also a social taboo. The fear of obesity is seen in many teens who face the challenges of bulimia and anorexia. I respect those individualswho embrace, care for, and share their lives with the people who are facing the over-weight and obesity challenge. With so many of our children in the US and Canada facing obesity challenges, this type of writing will only destroy their self-esteem as they realize they have to choose to be healthier. Move, eat healthier, but love each other enough to realize that it is hard and we are worthy human beings regardless of our weight.

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BRAINYBLONDE5 11/3/2010 12:34PM

    wow. I read this and was disguisted with marie clare. they are never getting my money ever again. this show was actually funny for the few minutes i did get to see! people come in all shapes & sizes & it doesnt make it right or wrong. healthy is key. thanks for opening my eyes to this though

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LISSIEONE 11/2/2010 10:00AM

    Having suffered from an eating order herself I think the Author probably has a VERY skewed view on obese people. Does that mean that her article on "fatties" was warranted? No, but it allows one to understand where such hate comes from. It has nothing to do with people who are obese, and more to do with her altered perception of weight in general. I personally was not offended by the article, I could care less what some random writer thinks about obese people.

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MAIA2011 10/31/2010 8:44PM

    This controversy has left me bemused. I have been obese in my life and overweight as well as the low side of normal weight though never underweight. I have some compassion for the author of the original article because I have never felt the self-loathing that she so clearly feels. In fact, I love fat people and think they are adorable including my smoking hot self. I love thin ones, too, (particularly my husband and my size 0 sister).

Also, I like the Mike and Molly show because I like to see people in love of all shapes and sizes. Expressions of love are not disgusting.

I hate to say it but I believe she has the right to express her pathetic misguided opinion. I'm just glad I don't have to live in her head.

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OCEANS241 10/29/2010 11:26AM

  Amen to that, NATF...she never would have issued any sort of apology if people didn't threaten to boycott the magazine. I think it's awful how her editor is standing behind the original article, saying that the writer is known for being provocative. Way to use a word with a more positive connotation than RUDE. If she wanted to write about this topic, she could have easily taken a different spin on it and at least left out the word "fatty". It's people like this that make being obese a daily struggle. I beat myself up enough, I don't need this skinny biotch giving people more ammo. Ugh!

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BEEBARF 10/29/2010 5:43AM

    The controversy has reached this side of the pond too.

If we substitute the words "black" or "Jewish" or "gay" for "fat" it really shows up her downright prejudice. And as for the "some of my best friends are" defence - it never, ever washes.

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DTMMLF 10/29/2010 5:38AM

    That Marie Claire blog incensed me. And I wrote to the head of PR at Hearst Magazines: told them so!

It would not surprize me that there are likely no "FAT" people employed at Marie Claire But what about it's parent company - Hearst Communications and the many other magazine's they distribute like O-Oprah, Red Book, Good Housekeeping, Popular Mechanics? What range of body sizes do their readerships include? If the Marie Claire staff blogger were writing this for any of these other Hearst magazines...I'm sure this blog in this 'tone" would have NEVER seen the light of day.

Thanks for your blog!

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CNIANE 10/29/2010 4:07AM

    The best way to show displeasure is to never buy their magazine again or wait to purchase their magazine when they start printing articles about healthy weight and body image. These magazines have an air of thin superiority and meanness towards overweight people in both their content and advertising. I don't read them and I don't spend my money on them because they are not representative of the majority of people in the world. Shame on them and don't purchase their magazine. The dollar rules and you have purchasing power.

Thanks for posting this. These people are vapid, ignorant troglodytes with no idea of what reality really is...

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CAROLYN1ALASKA 10/29/2010 12:43AM

    Thanks for sharing this.
Some people need to learn to think before they write or speak. She sure doesn't deserve the job she is holding down.

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OBURRELL 10/28/2010 11:55PM

    I read this today and am glad that so many people were incensed about it. Obesity is not all in someone's mind and it's not as simple as people think to lose the weight. I don't understand why people think it's okay to [ick on bigger sized people. Wouldn't it be funny if she does develop a thyroid problem? Then she would see how easy it is to lose weight...

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TRACEYMOMOF3 10/28/2010 11:53PM

    Thank you for sharing. I like some others cannot believe she still has a job. I have never seen the show she was talking about. But would like to.

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LEXIE63 10/28/2010 7:12PM

    They started to show Mike and Molly over here a couple of weeks ago, and I love it! The main characters are wonderful. The humour is real, their struggles are real, and their anxieties are real.
The moment during their bowling date, where Mike pulls Molly to him and kisses her for the first time was one of the most romantic moments I've seen on a sitcom in a very long time. It was beautiful!
Lex xxx
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FLWRCHLD97 10/28/2010 3:11PM

    I am surprised the writer still has a job...

But, maybe she did this on purpose too, they're getting free publicity...

Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 3:17:54 PM

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PROPMAN1 10/28/2010 2:35PM

  amazing, isn't it that people who are 'supposed' to know better are actually rather dumb at times. The stuff that comes out of their mouths confirms it!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 10/28/2010 1:37PM

    The only reason that woman apologized is because of the crap storm she found herself in and then used an eating disorder to excuse her behavior. I don't think so. Shows hows ugly she is on the inside and quite frankly, a bully. We all have plenty of judgments in our minds that we never say outloud or put out there for public consumption. It's called decency and self control.

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AMANDAWEYRICH 10/28/2010 1:12PM

    Thank you for sharing this. People out there are very mean. Yeah I love that show, it's funny. :)

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MYREALANA 10/28/2010 1:07PM



She wants "Fatties" to stay out of sight, huh?

Well, I wish stupid people would stop talking and writing blogs.

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NINJA_SMOO 10/28/2010 1:01PM

  Thank you for posting this. Her blog, the comments to it, her apology and all the other hub bub around it is a very interesting insight to where people stand on this issue. Totally insensitive of her. But (and I'm not saying what she wrote is OK) I have read a few maybe not completely sensitive blogs and comments to those blogs on THIS site where people have said 'It's your blog - write what you want. If they don't want to read it, they don't have to.' Just my two cents. Anyway, thanks again for posting.

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STASKER 10/28/2010 11:55AM

  A new talk show called The Talk featured this article yesterday. So incredibly hurtful and ignorant!! The women on the panel (of differing shapes and sizes) really laid into the author. I read that she wrote a sincere apology but that does not take away the hurt she caused with what she wrote. Some people will never be able to understand or accept that everyone is different and everyone deserves to be accepted and loved for who they are and not what they look like.

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MRE1956 10/28/2010 11:46AM

    When you think about the type of mag that MC is and who it caters to, this is absolutely no surprise, sad to say.....


Good to know that people are standing up to this!


Sigh.....gotta love America, eh?

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SAMI199 10/28/2010 11:45AM

    I am sad too say I was not surprised by this article.It has been my personal opinion for a long time that "Fatties" are the last group of people that it ia politically correct to mock,harass & yes,hate.It is everywhere-movies-magazines-t.v.-R>now ,we are going to be the target with the new healthcare stuff. Some,yes,very thin newsanchor with her own primetime show goes off on a rant weekly about the Evils of Obesity-&
those of us who choose to be this way.I've heard talk shows about taking the children of obese parents away-stating "Child Abuse" They are serious & I am FRIGHTENED.Of course, she really does feel the way she said about FAT people-she just didn't like being called on it. I do not feel I am over-sensitive.

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TINA5318 10/28/2010 10:50AM

    wow. wow. wow. I can't believe that was allowed to be printed. The comments and her half-baked apology lead me to believe that the problem is her, not the show.

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JOANOFSPARK 10/28/2010 10:50AM

    Wow...I am amazed or should be that something that vitriolic and hateful toward 'morbidly obese' people got through the editing process, but then again, I am not. I've put up with similar snide comments, most of my adult life, even when I was not, looking back, fat at all, but just curvy. I am glad that she apologized, but not sure if it is actually heartfelt or not, but that is her problem. I choose to ignore what she has both written and said, and get on with my life and become healthier. If I gross her out walking down the street, then she can just turn her head, because I Do not intend to live my life, trying to avoid being seen by people who cannot stand the sight of me. If they don't like what they see, just turn their heads. I will not let their snide verbal bullying ruin my life or affect how I feel about myself.

Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 10:51:15 AM

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HEALTHYASHLEY 10/28/2010 10:31AM

    I disagree that someone has the right to spread ignorance. If she hates fat people, fine, but she shouldn't have the right to hurt people with her opinion. If this article was about how she hated Jewish people or African Americans it would never have been allowed to be published but because it is about fat people it is ok? Ignorance is ignorance and that magazine should be ashamed. Also, her apology is BS. It is a ploy to cover up the damage that was done and garner more attention for herself and their magazine.

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MCSNYDER1 10/28/2010 10:28AM

    I saw this on the Today Show and just absolutely could not believe it! While I agree that we are all entitled to our opinions, this is an outrage!!!

Obesity and Sexual Orientation seem to be fair game for whatever hothead wants to spout off!!! Remember the 50s and 60s????? Black Americans were attacked on a daily basis--verbally and physically! Today we wouldn't even consider such ridiculous behavior!!! Not only is it "politically incorrect"--it's a moral outrage!!!!!

Stupidity ran rampant in those decades. Apparently it still does. Shame on anyone who behaves in such a manner and shame also on anyone who defends it!!!!! My mama always taught me--"if you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything at all"! I'm 53 and I still honor that!!!

Thanks for posting this! You beat me to it!!!!

Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 11:13:26 AM

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ARCHIMEDESII 10/28/2010 10:19AM

    I was reading about this on google news and posted a link to the article in the Spark Cafe. I gotta tell you, I was shocked that a writer would post a blog of that kind. Okay, I know that we have first amendment rights and they can say whatever they like or can they ? I do feel that it's true that overweight people are the last people everyone can make fun of and get away with it.

I read a reply on another forum and someone said,"how would people feel about the article if the words overweight/obese person were swapped with homosexual ?

I think what makes the article so shocking is the level of hostility towards someone who's overweight. Maura says how disgusted she is whenever she sees an obese person walk across the room. She doesn't feel she has a problem ? Obviously she has some very serious weight issues of her own.

I suppose the question is,"do you think more people might feel like her ?" Personally, I'd like to think we don't judge people based on their looks, sex, religion, etc... but, that blog does make a person wonder. Is this how some people feel ?

Thought provoking indeed.

Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 10:37:38 AM

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HEYBUTT 10/28/2010 10:11AM

    Marie Claire (at least its online version) is notorious for drumming up controvery through fat bashing. About a month or so ago they had an article mixing it up with some food bloggers (claiming the food bloggers perpetuate disfunctional eating).

More than the size-ism, I'm offended by the poor quality of the writing in general. And I'm irked that the question ("is there a place for fat folks on t.v.?") is blatantly ignored. I find that topic to be very interesting and would love to see an INTELLIGENT article about it instead of one low rent blogger trying to be "out there" then hiding behind the veil of "I had an eating disorder" and issuing a "sorry you were offended" un-pology.

Bottom line: Marie Claire (print and electronic versions) aren't worth the time it takes to read them. It's a shame that their sh*t stirring gets them the level of attention it does while ignoring the TRUE issue, size-ism.

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VALEO75 10/28/2010 9:58AM

  I have to play devil's advocate here (not saying I agree with the intensity of the authors feelings or expressions, but...) isn't he/she entitled to his or her opinion?

Stuff like this should not be a surprise to anyone who is overweight. We get treated differently every single minute of every day, whether people realize they are treating us differently or it is just subconscious. We get paid less in the workplace for being overweight, we get chosen less, etc. etc.

Instead of nonsense like this getting to me I use it as fuel to keep me going. The reality is that you can't rid the world of people who this this way, nor should you want to. What other situation would make it possible for people to practice tolerance, compassion, and acceptance.

I say if opinions like this bother you, use them to your benefit. Use them to drive you towards your goals and then use the for something greater than your own goals. Fight these opinions by being that person who has been there and is now doing something to help others, while at the same time exhibiting those qualities of tolerance and compassion which you hope others to adopt. Attitudes are contagious, so if you want a particular attitude, perception or judgement to become norm, you must pay it forward.

On a personal opinion side note, I am glad to see that author wrote an apology for the way in which he or she expressed their opinion. It was a very harsh way to express an opinion. However, I don't fault the author at all for being truthful. Truth can hurt, but it sure is one hell of a motivator!

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TURBID 10/28/2010 9:28AM

    I don't think it excuses anything (most especially the Marie Claire staff for publishing that blog) but she is a recovering anorexic.. so she clearly is totally warped about body image. She's just a sick lady. But yeah, her comments were absurd and I can't believe it took a backlash for her to go back and realize that what she said was messed up.

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RACHELLY0724 10/28/2010 9:19AM

    Wow! Thank you for sharing - not sure that I would have known about this -

As one commenter had said, I can't believe that got through an editorial process - unless with these blogs they're just able to spout off whatever they want with absolutely zero filter (clearly the case) - Marie Claire deserves whatever hardships may come for allowing something like that to come - and the writer.....just UGH!

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TREASURINGLIFE 10/28/2010 9:02AM

    Ugh...ignorance is NOT bliss! Ignorance hurts. Period.

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ERIN4771 10/28/2010 8:58AM

    i read about this's amazing how many people out there still do not have a filter on their mouths.....i stopped subscribing to marie claie a few years ago, and will NEVER go back, this just sealed it......

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KARVY09 10/28/2010 8:54AM

    EMM1116 wrote a great blog on this last night!

Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 8:55:19 AM

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MRSSIBRAT 10/28/2010 8:52AM

    I was jUST watching about this on the today show.

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I can't keep pretending I am ok

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I have been doing my best to put on a happy face but I just can't anymore. My grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer 2 years ago and she is in the final stages of hospice right now. They told us a few weeks ago that they didn't give her much longer. She can't keep food down and they have her pretty heavily medicated most of the time for the pain. Last week my mother who is very physically fit went in for an annual physical and was told she had severely high blood pressure and was diagnosed with gallstones. After all the tests they determined the blood pressure is due to the stress of what is going on with my grandmother.

On top of all this work has been a nightmare lately. My job is to go out and acquire clients. I get paid only by what the client buys. I can not tell you how many problems have occurred recently that I have no control over that have resulted in the loss of clients. If the kitchen makes a mistake I am the one who loses out, not them, and it has happened so much that I am at my wits end. I feel like I was lied to when I started this job about what this place is really like and the projections of what I would get paid. I was told integrity and honesty were the foundations of the company and I am really feeling like that is not the case at all. The other salesperson is passive aggressive and tries to poach any client of mine that calls the building so I feel like I am constantly on the defensive. This isn't how I want to feel everyday.
I also have no time for SP. I track etc but not to offer the support and friendship I want to be able to give to all the wonderful people who give it to me. I don't really know what to do. I just want to sleep all the time which I am sure is a coping mechanism. At least I am not resorting to food to destress. I just want to sit here and cry right now.
Oh and I fell down my front stairs this morning. If that wasn't like being kicked when I am down. I am ok except I twisted my foot pretty bad. Uggh

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAZELDREAMS 11/1/2010 9:04AM

    Pretending is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Reality is it is ok to let yourself feel overwhelmed and tired. Your body is calling for rest because it can't keep up with the emotional demands upon you.. and your getting sick.. probably has a lot to do with being stretched so very thin... hugs..

Seems like your friends all agree. don't worry about offering others support at a time like this. Instead receive their support and the blessings of their friendship. You seem a bit like me.. supergirl syndrome..smiles.. Not ever in a bad way, but in the way where you want to be there and do as much as you can for everyone. Take a bit of time for you.

Will keep your mom and your grandmother in my thoughts and prayers.. Now rest up.. emoticon

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MAIA2011 10/31/2010 8:13PM

    I like what darling MEZZOANGEL said! Hear, hear!

I am so sorry to hear your mom is suffering, too. This sounds like a very tough time for you all and I hope that everyone will be OK. Take care of your sweet self.


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KRAWRS 10/28/2010 2:47PM

    Girl, believe me, I know what you're talking about! I truly am sorry to hear about the troubles going on with your family. That's really hard to deal with, and you are showing a lot of strength in continuing your path (with tracking, at least, if not everything!) while going through all of this! I wish the best for your family.
And to be kicked when down? Wow. That sounds rough, the job issues. I'm going through similar issues right now at my job too. I just can't handle it. That whole situation sucks right now. Just keep on keepin on! As they say, this too, shall pass. Oh and p.s., its ok to have weak moments. You don't always have to pretend to be ok. Sometimes, we're not ok. As long as we deal with that in a healthy way, and move on when moving on is due, we'll be ok in the long run. That goes for you too.

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REJ7777 10/28/2010 1:24PM

    The most stressful things are usually what we don't have control over. I'm sorry that you're going through so much! I do, however, want to congratulate you for not turning to food for comfort, as if that could solve the problem. Don't feel badly that you can't spend more time on Spark. Your friends will understand. emoticon

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LIBRARYLASS 10/28/2010 1:12PM


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DRB13_1 10/28/2010 12:25PM

    Just letting you know you have support, and there is strength inside beyond what you realize...
Losing a (parent or) grandparent is always difficult, but the love is eternal...
When work stresses us out, especially when things are not under our control, I'd vote for 2 things
1- start looking for the next (better) position (money can't buy happiness), and
2- make a list of "win-win" proposals and do what you can with your boss and coworkers to make them happen... you need things from them to be effective and they need you to be productive.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SAMI199 10/28/2010 11:50AM


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TASHAMARNI 10/28/2010 10:29AM

    Hi Ashley, I am new to your blogs and have really felt encouraged by what you have shared. You have motivated me to keep going.
I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. I pray that you are strengthened each day. Much love and prayers to your grandma and mum. emoticon

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JO2TOM 10/28/2010 10:25AM

    Ashley: Sounds like a lot of stress is set right on your shoulders now. Both of my sets of grandparents have died, but my grandmother was my closest one, and I still miss her after 20 years. I hope you are close enough in distance to still have some quality time with her before she dies. Unfortunately, after she dies is too late, so if you can be with her, it is better now. Tom's father died, and we had been taking pretty regular trips to Philadelphia to see him, and were there when he died. We are so grateful now that we took the time to be there when he was alive. Same with my father who had parkinsons disease. We went to visit him in Florida about every 3 months before he died. Hard to watch him get worse and worse, but again, glad we were there frequently.
It sounds like everything else is kind of making work a four letter word. Can you take a few days off and get away, either to your grandmother's or with your fiance? Or even alone? Too much of cruddy stuff is happening all at once.
I am sorry about your mother as it her mother who is dying? I hope she can find a solution for her stress and return to a healthy place too. I wish I could give you a big hug and take away some of the stuff that seems to be in your life right now. Know that you and your family are in my prayers every day. emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/28/2010 10:28:16 AM

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TANSHAN1 10/28/2010 10:11AM


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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/28/2010 10:10AM

    Ash take a deep breath. The world doesn't stop if you don't have time to comment on blogs...WANTING TO and not having time to are two very different things. You seem to have a lot going on right now that is asking for your attention... honor that. We will still be here, waiting for you to come back when you are ready. Peel the layers of SP away, and it's a singular journey. The players change, but it's still only for you. You aren't letting anyone down by taking care of yourself... in fact, it's just the opposite... you are teaching others to do the same when you take care of you first.

I'm sorry about your grandma... I hope you and your family can find peace in this situation. What I do know is that you are strong enough to handle it.

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FUZZY1TOO 10/28/2010 9:56AM

    Oh, sweetie! What a difficult time for you right now. emoticon
Just know that we are here for you and we will be here for you whenever you can come and see us.
Take a deep breath. You need to focus on you and your family right now. Work will be there when you get back on track. Love your Grandmother while you can. Support your Mom when she needs it. The univerese will send you what you need when you need it. Trust in that.
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.

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EMSJOURNEY 10/28/2010 9:10AM

    i'm so sorry ashley... what a difficult patch... my thoughts are with you and your family.

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YIGOBUTTERFLY 10/28/2010 7:39AM

    Sounds like you have had a rough time. I am sorry. Much of what is going on is beyond your control and that can be frustrating. If you have a bathtub, take a warm bath with some nice candles burning, play some soothing music and perhaps read a book. Take some time for yourself.

Hang in there and do what you can.

Jane on Guam

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    You sound liek you need a refresh day. Take a day, all to yourself. Sleep in so you are well rested and then you will be in teh rightframe of mind to sort out your work problems- if it is getting really bad take some steps to put it right, or maybe look for something else. Stand up for yourself and voice your thoughts!
Im sorry to hear about your mother and grandmother. My grandmother recnetly just died and it is hard I know. Try to rememeber that once she has passed she will be in a better place, and she wont be in pain any longer. Try to remember all teh positive memories you have of her.
Hope you feel better soon, sometimes we just get into a funk that we need to snap out of!

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KATHLOW 10/28/2010 4:13AM

    How horrible! First of all, my thoughts go out to you, I hope you can say goodbye to your grandmother in peace.
Hopefully the work stuff doen't cloud too much of that.
And you've been one of the most supportive people to me on spark! don't feel like you're not doing enough, you are and it's vastly appreciated!


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LINDAKAY228 10/28/2010 4:10AM

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I went through my mother's death a year and a half ago with hospice and I know how hard it is to slowly watch a loved one die and suffer. And sometimes it seems that when it rains, it pours and that everything happens at once. As someone else said, it's okay to sit down and cry sometimes. Or to admit that you are feeling totally overwhelmed. I don't have any great words of wisdom for you, but I do send you a great big hug and let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you through this time. There will come light again. You will get through this to the other side. We're here rooting for you and offering our support. emoticon emoticon

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KATHYJO56 10/28/2010 2:03AM

    Ashley, I don't know what to say to make you feel better. emoticon I am glad that you put your feelings down in a blog, not only so that your friends can offer our love and support, but also I think it is a great way to relieve things that are really hurting and bothering us. emoticon emoticon

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BELLALUCIA 10/27/2010 11:21PM

    By blogging, you offer us support so don't worry about that! Sorry about your fall and most of all, your Grandma. I lost mine this October and I am healing little by little. I hope your mother's condition improves also! Take it one day at a time sweetie!

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NCPRINCESS7 10/27/2010 11:16PM

    Ashley, it is hard to know what to say that might comfort you during this difficult time. I cannot imagine how stressed you must be feeling. I will pray for you...for comfort...peace...perseverance. We are here to listen when you want to talk. emoticon

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ACCEPTMYSELF 10/27/2010 10:59PM

    How terrible! My thoughts are with you... concentrate on your family and hopefully work gets better. Stay strong and don't worry about being here for the Spark community - because right now is the time we are here for you. emoticon emoticon

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ROSIEP7 10/27/2010 10:22PM

    Hang on in there - it'll get better, it's just a lot of things to deal with at once. Concentrate on yourself and your grandmother, ignore work (you can fix that later) and tell your mom to go with a very low fat diet until she can have the gall stones treated as that will minimize the effects.

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LEANNROCKS 10/27/2010 8:41PM

    Ashley, stress is hitting you from multiple sides. Really sorry about your Grandmother. Hang on. We are always here to listen. Lynne

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ERLYWA 10/27/2010 7:04PM

    There is nothing at all wrong with going ahead and sitting down to have that cry. It does not make you weak, in fact, it demonstrates true strength to go with those feelings. You have a lot going on, inside and out, and it just may be the release that you need.

I am so sorry to hear about everything that you are going through. Nobody here at SP is going to get their nose out of joint if you are not able to offer the same amount of support/encouragement that you normally do; just let everyone else return the favor and support and encourage YOU now. Life is all about ebb and flow, and if you can ride the wave of difficult times it will ease up again at some point.

Hang in there, and know that you're in the thoughts and prayers of many. I hope your many happy memories of your time with your Grandma will help ease the pain of losing her even just a little.

emoticon, Erika

PS-good for you for not turning to food for solace or comfort. That's a huge step.

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    Oh Man... I hope things turn around for you. I think if it was me I would be sitting down and thinking "Am I living the life I want?" Is there anything in my life that I can change to make this life I live better. You have one life to live and you are the only one that can change it to make it better. Live my friend.... you are worth it!!!! Big hugs

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REM-CYCLES 10/27/2010 6:39PM

    Ashley - what a rough time... will be praying you get a break, that God sends some good positive means to turn things around.

Sounds like you are a -=very=- capable person - you can offer other entities great services without the hassles that are outside your control... not sure if that is the best, but worth considering if things can't change.

Will be praying

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BLYNN710 10/27/2010 6:22PM

    Hang in there girl. I have been where you are with your grandmother and you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you were able to share this and hopefully getting it out there takes a little off your mind.

Lots of hugs and prayers.


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PRETTYINPUNK_04 10/27/2010 4:40PM

    yikes! You are having a rough time emoticon Ive twisted my ankle plenty of times and its not fun at all! emoticon

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KARVY09 10/27/2010 4:24PM

    Big hugs and prayers for you and your grandma. My grandfather is heading in the same direction and I know how tough it is. Stay strong, girl.

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BTRTHANEVA 10/27/2010 4:15PM

    Dear Ashley,
May this moment find you at peace with yourself. May you mother's stress lessen and your grandmother's suffering be minimal.
May you get through this day with the support of faith and friends (especially those of us here at SP) and have a brighter tomorrow.

{{{ emoticon}}}

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SASSYDREAMER 10/27/2010 2:48PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about all of this! emoticon

We're all rooting for you to have thing get better and that your family finds what will help them. Let us know when you need anything!

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BTINTERNET 10/27/2010 1:46PM

    That's a lot of stressors at once! It may sound terrible, but I'm glad your grandmother is getting good hospice care - they're really the best and you can trust that she is being lovingly looked after. As far as mom, at least those are things which can be fixed (I had gallstones for a bit - agonizing but gone now). Work - ugh.

Take some time for yourself. Be with your sweetie, curl up with a sad movie, allow yourself to grieve. *hugs*

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RIGBY31 10/27/2010 1:46PM

    Thinking good thoughts for you today.

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MUSICLVR2675 10/27/2010 1:42PM

    aww Ashley, I'm sorry to hear you're having some difficult times right now. Life has a way of challenging us but you're gonna make it through, just keep hangin' in there. Keep smiling and attempting to be happy. You have no idea how much it's helping your family. Take some time to yourself, we'll be here for when you do have time to visit. I'm very proud that you're still tracking and not letting the stress overcome your strength over food. That's a hard thing to do but you're doing it. Sorry to hear of your grandmother's condition and for your mom too.
Praying for strength and peace for you. emoticon

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FLWRCHLD97 10/27/2010 1:26PM

    I hope things turn around for you, and soon! Have you been sending out your resume? It sounds like you need to put some feelers out there, I believe there is something better out there for you.

Hang in there. You can do it!

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ROBYNROSE26 10/27/2010 1:04PM


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DAVISMDAWN 10/27/2010 12:57PM

    Hugs and Love my friend! I'm glad that you decided to vent! We can't keep it in and it is okay not to be okay. We are all allowed to have a bad day! I'm praying for you today!

Hugs and Love

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BADASSBLONDIE 10/27/2010 12:38PM

    *hugs* I'm so sorry honey. I'm here to listen whenever you need it. *hugs*

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SLBRANTLEY 10/27/2010 12:34PM

    I'm so sorry about your grandmother. emoticon
Know that we're here for you, and that you and yours are in our prayers.
emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/27/2010 12:34:41 PM

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ELAOPET 10/27/2010 12:33PM

    It is the requirement of today - we must always be OK! If we are not, we're no good to anyone for anything. This is a sad thruth.
The world gets cruel and ugly sometimes and we must keep a smile on and pretend to be a happy little camper or else! It's a dictatorship of pretence!
Now, I am very sorry about your family's problems. emoticon
And about problems at work. Falling and hurting yourself in midst of all that must have felt like a slap in the face! I know the feeling.
But that is just the feeling. Try to find something good about your life right now. Hold on to that. And if your current job is so difficult, maybe you should start looking around for a new one. I know this is not the time to be picky, but you never know...
Meanwhile, there are things we have no control over - like your grandmother's suffering. What I can suggest, and I know what I speak of, is that you do something for yourself and grandmother - say goodbye to her. Tell her of your love and how you admire her and are gratefull to her for the love ...something from your hearth. It'll get through to her for sure, even if she can't show it. And for you, it'll be very important...
Maybe I am taking too much liberty here. Trying to say something to make you feel better.
PS - when you wake up at 4AM - drink a large glass of water. Or tea. Then try to sleep. Breakfast is only a few hours away! (what I tell myself when I'm hungry in the middle of the night)

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TREASURINGLIFE 10/27/2010 12:25PM

    Sorry to hear about your grandmother, and your mom, and your job. That's a lot of stress to try to work through. I hope you take some time and find some healthy ways to alleviate as much of it as you can. Good luck! And I'll be praying for your situation.

- Michelle

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SCHENPOSSIBLE 10/27/2010 12:24PM

    Sounds like a very stressful time that you're going through. I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother and mom's health problems and the job situation to top it off. Seriously, when it rains it pours. Just putting your feelings out there is a good indicator that you're still in the fight. The job will work itself out and hopefully your mom gets her health back. Best of luck with everything. You & your family are in my thoughts.

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UNSTOPPABLEJEN 10/27/2010 12:18PM

    It's ok to be sad - you don't have to put on a happy face if you don't feel it. Your reasons for being sad are very real, and you are under a lot of pressure. Just know that your spark friends love you and we are ALL here to help and offer support.
emoticon emoticon Jennifer

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HEYPINK 10/27/2010 12:12PM

    my grandma has colon cancer too, so I know EXACTLY how you are feeling and I am so, so sorry :-(

It's sounds like life is pretty rough right now, but you are still here and surviving and that's the imporant part. You will get through it! And all your SP friends understand that life is busy and we are here to give you support - one day we know you'll be able to do the same.

And the best part about this crappy situation is that you HAVENT turned towards food - which is a victory! A light in the dark, something to hold on to!

So I say, go cry. Stay in bed for a day [definitely ice your foot]. Take a mental day off and veg around the house. And then, tomorrow, pick yourself up and start doing whatever you need to do. But give yourself some time.

Let me know if I can do anything for you!!!

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JENPOSS 10/27/2010 12:06PM

    Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that all of this is going on. Just try to remember that God will never give you more than you can handle!! There is always light at the end of the tunnel and better things will come! Keep your head up!

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MADEMCHE 10/27/2010 12:04PM

    First thank you for saying out loud what was going on. I know keeping it inside seems so natural, but letting it out helps you heal. Stress and grief are huge things and being able to talk about it, i a huge step forward. I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I am hear if you ever need to talk.

As to work, I have totally been there. I was once hired as a sales person and it went just about as well as yours is going right now. I eventually had to quit and go into leagal action against them. Fun times. I have no suggestions on how to fix this other than talk to your fiance and figure out what your options are.

I wish I could tell you everything is going to be ok, but all I can say is that you get to spend as much time with your grandmother as you can. And then it is gone, so please relish it while you have the time. My heart goes out to you. Wish I could give you a big hug right now Ash. If you need anything, just ask. Love, Maun

Comment edited on: 10/27/2010 12:05:10 PM

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COOKWITHME65 10/27/2010 11:53AM

    So sorry things are not going emotionally well for you know. You are physically trying to care for yourself but emotionallly things sound like they are caving in. You work hard for your job. Like you said last week it might be the time to make a change. With regards to your grandmother it must be difficult to be going thru this. I'm sure you will be their for support to her and your mom. I will pray that she is comfortable. Please remember we are hear for you as I'm sure your fiance is . We are not looking for a pat on the back or you owe me. True friends are not like that., and you have alot here at spark people to hold your hand along the way down a difficult path. We are here for you. emoticon

emoticon - Kristan

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HEALTHYONE2008 10/27/2010 11:51AM

    I will be praying for you and your family.

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TINA5318 10/27/2010 11:35AM


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BRITCHES82 10/27/2010 11:31AM

    I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. You and your family are in my prayers.

I have been in a similar situation as far as your job is concerned. I worked in retail as an assistant manager. When I was hired, they told me they would work with me and my schedule because they knew the value of family. Yet, six months later I was consistantly having to fight for time with my kids. I was always stressed out, and to me I found that it just wasn't worth it. Looking back, I would have made the same choice a thousand times over. I would rather work for someone with honesty and intergrity than be stressed out all the time. I am not saying you should quit your job, but I would honestly ask yourself if it is really worth the stress you have to deal with because of it. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn't.

P.S. I also use to work in a Country Club as a bartender. I know all about the stresses when the KITCHEN screw up... keep your head up! Things will get better :)

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

It is necessary to acknowledge negative feelings

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

In the SP world it can be easy to get swept up in the we have to be positive at all costs mentality and while I think a huge part of this is being positive there are also a lot of negative feelings that come with the territory. It is necessary to acknowledge those feelings but what is more important is how you deal with them.

I am not going to pretend this is easy. If changing your life was easy and all sunshine and rainbows than everybody would be thin and it wouldn't be called a diet, it would be called super happy fun time. (Although that is a rather long name lol). I know some people freak out at the word diet but it has many meanings in the dictionary. My favorite was "a regulated selection of foods". When you look at it like it doesn't seem so scary to me because that is what I am doing. To pretend it is isn't hard or to feel ashamed to admit that it is will eventually lead to failure. I read so many blogs that start with "I am sorry for being negative" or "I am sorry I am whining". It is ok to put those feelings out there but then turn them into a way to keep moving. Negativity is not okay when you use it as an excuse. "Oh well, today sucked so now I am going to have 3 cookies. Well now that I am eating crap on a daily basis and justifying it why am I not losing weight? It must be that working out is doing nothing so now I am going to stop working out and keep eating junk because I am mad". I have been there and I have made all those justifications to myself.
Now, in our new lives, we can say "today was rough and yes I stress ate a few snacks in the office break room but I learned a good lesson. I need to pack my lunch and plan ahead". At first it was hard for me to be able to get past mistakes. As soon as I wasn't perfect my fear of failure was so strong I would quit. I used the wrong sources of validation, ie the scale alone, be my guide for success. I ran up the stairs yesterday when I went to meet my new client. Wait, read that again. I RAN UP THE STAIRS IN HEELS. 8 Months ago I had to take the stairs slowly, climbing up each one with both feet because my knees couldn't support my weight as I went up to the next step. I used to make sure none of my neighbors were around so they wouldn't see me. So, the next time you are feeling down and are afraid to express those feelings remember, we have all been there. Look for the awesome things happening in your life as a result of your new good habits and find a way to see a way to turn it around. If I can do it. We all can.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELLYBEANS0919 12/12/2010 2:36PM

    Why have I not read all your blogs till now!? You are sooo inspirational. emoticon

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ARENDIVA 11/4/2010 12:59PM

    I'm really trying to be positive. I have made running part of my everyday life and my ability to run is improving by leaps and bounds. But for whatever reason i'm not losing any weight and i'm eating healthy everyday. It's hard not to feel discouraged when i'm working so hard every day and the scale isn't changing. But at least I can run. I guess I should just be happy that i'm meeting my fitness goals if not my weightloss goals.

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SPARKANN 11/3/2010 11:47PM

    Hurrah!!!! It's so refreshing to read your words!!! Thank you for the acknowledgment.

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STACYR31 11/3/2010 5:34PM

    I am so glad that you wrote what many of us are thinking but were too afraid to put into words. Keep up the great work.

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CNIANE 11/2/2010 4:13AM

    I think people aren't negative because it isn't accepted. However, if you don't air the feelings you can't get past them. Myself, I don't care if someone is negative as long as they aren't negative all the time and let it consume their lives. I like a mostly positive person, but let's face it, we can't be positive all the time. I agree with what you've written and think it's okay to express negativity from time to time as long as you get it out of your system and move on. It's not very useful to be negative about the same thing all the time. I think you are a real person and I really like that about you. You say it like it is and that will help you get to where you need to be. Keep up the good work!

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MYSHANON 11/1/2010 4:25PM

    There are so many things I don't say in my blog posts, because I already get private messages insisting that I'm too negative and I'm sabotaging myself by not looking to the bright side more often... but the truth is, some of us respond better to the discipline and restriction than puppies and rainbows (though puppies will always be a motivator for me, I'm still not going to lie to myself about not being on a diet, because using the "D word" helps me remember that it is a serious thing that requires dedication and effort).

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PMWALKER 10/31/2010 10:04PM

    How true you are! Thanks for putting into words what many of us are thinking!

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JASPERANN 10/31/2010 8:21PM

    Amazing blog, like always! I love all your blogs.

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BIONICMONARCH 10/31/2010 5:39PM


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TAMNTN 10/31/2010 3:03PM

    Very moving honesty! Great insights! Taking the time to reflect on our negative feelings, realizing they are there and learning to turn them to positive affirmations is key. It is a must for success. You can do this...keep it up! :)

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CHANEL_BABE 10/31/2010 1:04PM

  So great reading this blog as I'm in a bit of funk. it is hard to acknowledge the negative feelings and hard for me not to qive in and give up.... but there's a spark inside me that keeps fighting.

thanks for these words! they are inspiring!

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JOANELAINE5 10/31/2010 8:27AM

    Good Morning. I am new to SP and I gave myself a challenge (and I challenged my team) for November: To log in everyday day to read, post, learn, and enjoy something. (I know it is Oct. 31...I'm staring early) I am glad I picked your blog to read this morning. Because I was concerned about writing anything negative about my feelings, failures, etc to my team. Would I pull anyone else down? I hadn't thought...Where would those feelings go and what would/could they do to me? Your comment about acknowledging those true feelings and then coming right back with a positive reaction is just what I needed to hear. Face them and move on!!! I hope others are encouraged by you. Thank you and have a "real"ly good day.
PS I am going to subscribe to your blog. I hope that means I can find you again. I'll ask my team leader. emoticon

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LOVEROFJC 10/31/2010 1:07AM

  Thank you for your honesty. You are moving forward!

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STFY31 10/31/2010 12:31AM

    I have my whiney blog days and I never feel guilty because this is the place for encouragement right? I just joined SP last week but so far I have learned that when you are down other people are up so we can all help balance eachother out. I need to vent....the title of my last blog was whah! whah! Grrrrrr! Pout! :) But then on the good days I have somewhere to post my progress and inspire others.

p.s. Thanks for the I know there is hope for my knees! emoticon

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WINNIEVIOLA 10/30/2010 10:06PM

  I enjoy focusing on the positive because I hear the negative almost every where else. Somebody's too busy or too tired. Ya know?

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LMMIMI 10/30/2010 9:19PM

    Thank you for your blog. We are only human and have negative feelings at different time. Thanks goodness for my family and friends who remind me of where I am at. My SparkPeople help me when I get down on myself. As I have gotten older I find I am far more positive and take one day at a time. emoticon emoticon

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SPMOM2 10/29/2010 10:44PM

    nice to read, thanks for sharing

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SLIMTHICK2 10/29/2010 3:41PM

    emoticon thanks for pinpointing those weak areas that I need to work on. All the best. emoticon

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ROBINKP1 10/29/2010 2:31PM


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SKANESSA 10/29/2010 12:39PM

  "Well now that I am eating crap on a daily basis and justifying it why am I not losing weight? It must be that working out is doing nothing so now I am going to stop working out and keep eating junk because I am mad".

I have so been there. And have always known it was a ridiculous, defeatist attitude, however reading those words really hits it home how absurd it is.

I'm going to say that to myself, out loud, should I head toward that path again. Then I'll roll my eyes at myself, put down the cookie and hop on the treadmill. thanks!

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ITSABOUTME2407 10/29/2010 11:58AM


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SKINNYMINNIE25 10/29/2010 11:42AM

    We all make mistakes. It's when we want to blame others and act like victims that we are really shooting ourselves in the food...I mean You are so right...learn the lesson, loose the guilt. Sometimes we feel bad, do stupid things and make less than healthy choices...but hopefully doing it less than last week, month, year...lifetime!


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POSITIVESTEPS 10/29/2010 11:37AM

    You are so right on. It is about how we respond to our feelings that really matters and that is where the choices come in. Thanks for your blog today.

Comment edited on: 10/29/2010 11:43:24 AM

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JAE_HENNINGTON 10/29/2010 9:27AM

  its all about balance... yes acknowledge the negative, accent the positive.. I am learning to be positive since I have usually lived on the negative side of life.. I can tell you I am a lot happier than I use to be when I do that

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DOODIE59 10/29/2010 9:21AM

    Once again SPers get to benefit from your wisdom! Thank you.

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AGGIE56 10/29/2010 9:14AM

    I appreciate your comments here because I'm feeling pretty low today. My weight hasn't gone down for about 7 months, and I know what's causing it...I'm eating more than I need. However, I'm still exercising, and that's the ONLY reason I'm not gaining. But, your right about trying to find the positive in this negative situation. I've still lost 80 pounds, I'm still feeling really good, I'm off blood pressure medicine, and my exercise routine is pretty solid. It will all come together again and I just need to do my best to make it happen each and every day. emoticon

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BETHIE_BOO 10/29/2010 8:36AM

    I've been trying to teach my kids this- it is okay to be angry, or sad, or whatever, but when you are angry you can't throw my couch cushions. Isn't it awkward for me to realize that I don't acknowledge my negative feelings in a productive way? Ouch! emoticon

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JBMT08 10/29/2010 8:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ADVENTURE-GIRL 10/29/2010 1:51AM

    Great attitude. Thanks for sharing.

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OBURRELL 10/28/2010 11:58PM

    Thank you! Sometimes I feel so bad about blogging when the day hasn't gone well or I feel bad about the day so I noticed that I don't post on the days I need encouragement the most. Thank you for reminding us that it's ok to be a little down sometimes-it's all about how you pick yourself up and continue the journey!

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CARILOUIE 10/27/2010 6:26AM

    You are so right about the negative feelings. The great thing about putting *all* our feelings into these blogs is that support is there no matter what. Our Spark Friends cheer our successes, and give us a boost when we need it.

Congrats on those steps!

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ERLYWA 10/26/2010 8:39PM

    Beautifully stated! I just wrote a blog a couple of days ago that is really similar, about not beating ourselves up for our mistakes and instead, trying to learn from them. I also think it's important that, while acknowledging that we may feel negative, cynical, frustrated or bitter on a particular day, it's even more important not to beat ourselves up when that happens....for feeling these feelings, or for making a mistake, or anything else for that matter. It's important to acknowledge whatever we are feeling, not beat ourselves up and not use those feelings as excuses.

I absolutely love your blogs! :)


PS: way to go with the stairs progress! I go up 25 steps each day to work, and I am soooo looking forward to the day when I'm not out of breath when I do it! :)

Comment edited on: 10/26/2010 8:40:29 PM

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KARLYNCANDOIT 10/26/2010 4:13PM

    Just what I needed to read today~ emoticon

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JRSGIRL1995 10/26/2010 2:50PM


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TEXASMOM68 10/26/2010 2:25PM

    You are a fabulous person. I hope to change my outlook on life and try to be more positive and self loving. I have hated myself for as long as I can remember. I too was in sports. I was a competitive swimmer with twice a day workouts (about 4 hours a day), and once on Saturdays. Even then I thought of myself as the "big" girl.

You are an inspiration. Please drop me a line if you have the time. I require lots of encouragement....LOL

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GIRANIMAL 10/26/2010 1:44PM

    Great reminder! Thank you.

And emoticon on your high-heeled sprint!

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TIFFYBABY26 10/26/2010 1:08PM

    I love your blog!! It's amazing cuz your blog just explained exactly how I have felt and also told me what I need to do to fix it , when I feel like throwing in the towel.

I will be sure to read this on days I am feeling down!! Thanks for being an inspiration!

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FLWRCHLD97 10/26/2010 12:02PM

    Woo hoo, so very true! Thanks for putting it out there.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ROBINSNEWNEST 10/26/2010 11:53AM

    Agreed. It's not what happens, it's our response to what happens.

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MAIA2011 10/26/2010 11:46AM

    It's easy to get stuck in negative feelings. You're right! We can't control our feelings and there is no reason to try. We can change are behaviors. THAT's what I am working on right now.

Thanks for always reporting the good and the "bad."

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RIGBY31 10/26/2010 11:20AM

    Negative feelings are just part of life. What you do with them can make all the difference. Every day, every one of us has a choice in the negative "fork in the road". Choose wisely and the outcome can be so freeing. Stay strong.

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MZSLYDE01 10/26/2010 11:15AM

    Again another great blog. Wish I had the words to speak like you do.
I love that you ran up the stairs in heels. HOW POWERFUL.

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MRSSIBRAT 10/26/2010 10:26AM

    this is soo many times we are afraid to show that we are struggling or having a hard your blog!!

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APMAC_D 10/26/2010 10:21AM

    You are right, there are many aspects to the journey- not all are great. Wow you ran up the stairs in heels?? I can hardly walk in heels hahahaha Happy Tuesday!

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RED_WRITINGHOOD 10/26/2010 9:52AM

    Great blog!! We definitely need to vent sometimes and not hold things in.

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UNSTOPPABLEJEN 10/26/2010 9:30AM

    Ashley, not only are blogs like this necessary and healthy for anyone on a weight loss journey to write, I believe that they are also healthy and affirming to read. I love the positivity here on SparkPeople, but at the same time, knowing that it is not all "super happy fun time" for other people besides me is a relief. Reading posts like this also helps me to stay focused, because I can read a blog like yours and see your progress and realize that even though these periods of frustration/boredom/negativity do occur, they will pass eventually if I stay the course and I do not get sidetracked or give up (you obviously haven't given up, or you would not have the success that you currently enjoy!) I think blogs like this provide an important counterbalance to remind everyone that while it isn't always fun or easy, it is ALWAYS worth it.

Thank you for blogging about this - I always enjoy reading your blogs. Keep 'em coming!

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RIVERDLC 10/26/2010 9:19AM

    I agree that we can not use a bad day to stop Sparking. I had a horrible day and will not be able to workout but I will get up later before work and start over!!!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/26/2010 9:14AM

    I agree, no need to apologize for your feelings! We're here to support each other through all of it the good, the bad and the ugly!

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LANAIDAMERON2 10/26/2010 9:08AM

    What a perfect time for me to read this blog. Thank you so much for sharing this. Lately every decision has been really hard and in the back of my mind I keep questioning myself. Am I going to go the distance? Am I going to stay fat? And I beg myself, please, please don't quit. In the begining I was so excited to be really making changes that I didn't feel negative. So now I keep forcing myself to think positive, every day is a victory, your blog reinforces that it is ok to have the long as I continue to conquer them!

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