HEALTHYASHLEY   20,877
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73 lbs lost picture

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Here is the first picture that I have had taken in the last 14 years that I actually felt like I am starting to look thin. I decided not to also post a before pic because I feel like I just want to celebrate who I am now and how far I have come so far. If you don't know what I looked like before you can see my "the pic that started it all" on my page. I prefer to look at it as little as possible these days. In case you are wondering I am 5'10". So here it is....

This was this past Sunday and that is my fiance. This is the first Jack O'Lantern he had ever carved and everyone was making silly faces except me. I was just happy. I weighed in at 272.5 that morning. This picture means so much to me because it reminded me why I am working so hard. I feel so much better about myself everyday. Even now when I have on clothes that are tight it doesn't bother me because I bought them that way. Not because I couldn't find something else or I put on weight and they got tight. The rewards are so worth it. Make it Happen!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KKKAREN 10/27/2010 9:21AM

    Great picture!!

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BLONDWUNN 10/26/2010 9:51PM

    You look wonderful! I wish you the very, very best as you continue on your fitness journey!

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KIMROID 10/26/2010 11:29AM

    BEAUTIFUL! emoticon emoticon

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S*T*E*P*H 10/26/2010 12:05AM

    I just wanted to say that I love your blog and you are truly a gem!!! I fell off the Sparkpeople wagon last winter and while I've done an okay job of maintaining my weight loss, I haven't lost any additional weight. I'm very glad that after so long of being of the site, I quickly stumbled upon your blog. Thank you for being so open with your thoughts and feelings, it is very comforting to know I'm not alone! We are also the same height which makes you even more relate-able! You've inspired me to do the same, so I will be updating my blog in the next few days!! Congratulations on your success and I'll look forward seeing you continue!!!!! emoticon

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MELISSAJANEY 10/25/2010 1:41PM

    You ARE looking thinner! And I can tell by the look on your face that you are FEELING thinner! Be happy!!

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LINDABENEDICT 10/25/2010 1:18PM

    WOO HOO ! You look very happy !!!!

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INIT2LIVEIT 10/25/2010 8:48AM

    Very cute couple, but it's your proud smile that says it all!
emoticon emoticon

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VIRGOGURL4 10/24/2010 12:43PM

    emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/24/2010 12:44:17 PM

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CELDRIDGE68 10/24/2010 11:05AM

    go Ashley....that is awesome!!!

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SPMOM2 10/24/2010 1:51AM

    That is great.

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HEARTSTOPPER 10/23/2010 9:55PM

    :)

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RUNNINGOLLIE 10/23/2010 8:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CUATROMOMMY 10/23/2010 7:18PM

    Go Ashley, Go Ashley, Go Ashley!!!



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MYSTERY-LADY 10/23/2010 3:35PM

    emoticon

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CHARLEEE3 10/23/2010 3:05PM

    What an awesome weight loss. It ain't easy but you done it! Keep up the good work. I like how you focus on the present and not on the past. emoticon emoticoncharleee3

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JJSSKINNYGIRL 10/23/2010 10:53AM

    WTG!! ENJOY!

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ASTRALL 10/23/2010 8:19AM

    Nice blog! Well done!!

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JUSTFOXXY 10/22/2010 11:28PM

    emoticon

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MBYRER 10/22/2010 10:52PM

    Congrats on your weight loss! That is awesome!!

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YESWEDID 10/22/2010 9:30PM

    way to go!

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AVOPAT3 10/22/2010 7:35PM

    Congratulations on your weight loss success so far!


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JOAN_HEO 10/22/2010 6:36PM

    You look sooo happy! It's great too see. Congratulations on all the hard work!

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DENISETHE1ST 10/22/2010 5:28PM

  emoticon

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AUNTIELES53 10/22/2010 5:08PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BELLATRIX1224 10/22/2010 2:56PM

    Congratulations!

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MARCYNA 10/22/2010 2:04PM

    emoticonYou look gorgeous emoticon

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SLIMMAR 10/22/2010 1:07PM

    emoticon Keep up the emoticon work!

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CSMARTIE 10/22/2010 1:02PM

    Great job you look amazing. You must really be tall because by looking at that picture I would never guess you were 272 - I guess that's because I'm really short and in the 190's I'm big!

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CINNAMONGURL06 10/22/2010 11:05AM

    You guys are adorable! Love the Jack O' Lantern! Keep rockin' it girl! emoticon Hugs, Cinnamon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 10/22/2010 10:46AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Keep up the great work. Stand tall and be proud of the wonderful job you have done and will continue to do!! You are looking AMAZING!!!
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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TURBID 10/22/2010 9:53AM

    how has your fiance been about your weight loss? is he supportive?


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LIGHTHOUSE0403 10/22/2010 9:30AM

  emoticon

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IMPERIODEE 10/22/2010 9:07AM

  wow! wish i could get there too. congratulations!

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MARLA7 10/22/2010 7:39AM

    Ashley - I checked your photo album out on your Spark Page. You have come so far & really look amazing!!!!~ Awesome job! You have to feel so much better now. I'm working on getting serious again with my own weight issues. I know the feeling that you must have right now. Back in 1993 I lost 78 lbs. and felt like I was on top of the world! I'm going to get that feeling back! Soon! Working for it. Keep up the great work. You really look good Ashley. Very pretty. (((((Hugs))))) Marla

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MZSLYDE01 10/22/2010 6:54AM

    You guys look amazing together. I was checking out your other pics and you really should be proud - You look amazing in this pic and very happy.

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CSULL764541 10/22/2010 1:15AM

  Good job!

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ERIECANALGAL 10/22/2010 12:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MYSTERY-LADY 10/21/2010 10:58PM

    emoticon

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SPIRITELLO 10/21/2010 10:51PM

    emoticon

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LUBAML 10/21/2010 10:46PM

    Great job! You look good , happy and proud. I'm happy for you too. Keep that up!Thanks for sharing. emoticonLuba

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IBECCA 10/21/2010 10:36PM

    HOORAY... you are doing awesome!

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CANNONFODDERG 10/21/2010 10:24PM

    Congrats! Bet it feels great - keep that up! You look great too btw :)

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CANNONFODDERG 10/21/2010 10:23PM

    Congrats! Bet it feels great - keep that up! You look great too btw :)

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GTANYA 10/21/2010 10:22PM

    Inspirational and I would be smiling too. Keep up your amazing and triumphant ways! You are an inspiration to us all. emoticon

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MOMMAKNOWSBEST 10/21/2010 9:25PM

  Keep up the good work!

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DTCATSPARK 10/21/2010 8:41PM

    Good job!
Great attitude.

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FAYANDDAVE 10/21/2010 7:58PM

  You look GREAT!! Have a wonderful Halloween with your fiance'.

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BLYNN710 10/21/2010 7:30PM

    You're looking wonderful. Keep up the excellent work girl.

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ELLEBE725 10/21/2010 6:11PM

    Good for you! Keep up the good work!!

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MUSIKGIRL 10/21/2010 4:20PM

  emoticon

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Experimenting with food tracking and life ramblings

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

This weekend was interesting. I am finding I actually eat healthier when I am off on the weekends than I do at my job. Being surrounded by gourmet chef's all day isn't so good for the temptation aspect of eating healthier. When my hunny and I cook for ourselves we eat mostly fish and lots of grains and veggies. When I am at work I am always wanting a bite of this and that and it is something I have been struggling with the past 2 weeks. I don't have trouble not buying those types of foods and not preparing them for myself but when it is front of me all the time. Uggh, anyway life is full of challenges and I will beat this one too.
I actually joined SP only for the tracker. I had not intended to get sucked in by all the awesome people on here! I track religiously but I haven't been happy with my food choices lately. The most success I have ever had before SP also relied heavily on food tracking. I lost 50 lbs just recording what I ate in a notebook, drinking water and working out. When I recorded in a notebook I focused more on making the right choices and less on the calories and fat etc aspect of it. I also recorded my emotions with each meal and my level of hunger when I ate. 1 being starving I feel sick and 10 being so stuffed I feel like I want to vomit etc. You are supposed to eat when you are a 4, starting to feel hungry, and stop when you are a 6, no longer hungry but not really full. It was not difficult for me and there is something about having to put it down in black in white that made me want to make better choices. I am a very firm believer in food tracking. There are studies that show that people who track food lose more weight than those who do not.
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutriti
on_articles.asp?id=1143

I have decided that for a week or so I am going to record what I eat in a notebook and then enter it all at night to see how I am doing. I feel like now I am making decisions more on the calories than what is good for me and that is too much of a diet mentality. If it doesn't work out, I don't lose anything, but it is worth a try. I am curious to see how eating intuitively will work. Am I learning anything here or just going through the motions. When I make choices of food based on what I think is healthier for me I tend to feel better and lose more weight.

On the work front I am finding I have a very high level of job dissatisfaction. I mentioned it yesterday on my status and one comment irked me. I do not feel that I have to just be happy I have a job. I didn't go to college to just work any job. I watched my parents work jobs they hated their whole lives because neither one finished college and they lived in fear they could never find anything else and I swore i would not live that way as an adult. I was out of work for almost a year so I do understand what it is like to be desperate for anything but I don't believe in being miserable every single day just to have a paycheck. I am going to start looking into a career change. When I am miserable at work the desire to eat is very very high and it isn't healthy for me. I think my time in this industry has just run its course. I am not a person who will kiss up to nasty people just for a commission and that is a lot of what I do unfortunately. I think the dynamic of what I do is so against my personality that is starting to be very difficult for me.
I went shopping over the weekend and tried on some clothes that were much too small for me just to gauge my progress. Putting on clothes that are too small isn't exactly fun but it was eye opening to see how far I have come. When I tried on the size I thought I was it was a nice surprise to have it all be too big. I picked a size 2 sizes smaller than I have been buying and I did have to literally wedge myself into them but I could button them so that was nice. I ended up buying a sweater in a large which made me so happy. Just to have anything on that didn't have an X in front of it was pretty freaking awesome. In general I am pretty happy how I look in clothes. It was how I looked standing in my underwear in front of those evil mirrors in fluorescent lighting that was upsetting. I thought my skin was shrinking back but I saw how much sagging I have going on in those mirrors and it made me want to cry. It was pretty shocking actually. I also had big bags under my eyes and I just looked tired. I have gotten pretty good at not talking to myself negatively but sometimes experiences like that can be a blow to my ego. I went home and stood in front of my own full length mirror in my underwear and normal lighting and I didn't look quite like I did in the dressing room. It made me feel better and my fiance swore I don't look as saggy as I think I do. He is smart man to tell me so lol.
We went to his brothers house warming party on Sunday night and he and his gf commented how much weight I had lost and he took some pics of me that I felt I actually looked thin. It was the first time I didn't hate a picture of me and I actually felt pretty good about it. I asked him to send it to me last night so I could post it but I am guessing he forgot or was busy with something else. When I do get it I will put it up. My hunny and I made a crudite with hummus and an indian spiced chicken skewer appetizer so I would have something to eat at the party. I am glad we did because pretty much all they made was chips and beer for dinner. My hunny wanted to show off his chef skills so he made the crudite all fancy and everyone ooo'd and aaahhh'd. It was cute that he was so proud. I had gotten some heirloom carrots at the farmer's market that were all different colors. Here is a pic of a red one. Pretty cool huh?

They tasted a bit different depending on the colors but not significantly different than the standard orange. We have been having fun with finding new ways to work in fun healthy foods. It is nice to have him doing this with me and being so supportive.
That is all for today. I just needed to get all this stuff floating around in my head out.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IN102WIN 10/22/2010 1:48AM

    I know what you mean about the job thing. At my job they drove me crazy and no one understood when I talked about it. It got to the point where I didn't care to be on time and I was grumpy all day. I also used food as comfort!!
I went and organized a transfer to another dept without telling any one and boy my supervisor was pissed. I was feeling totally unhappy and when I brought my letter of transfer, that's when she wanted to discuss how I am feeling and stuff.
While she was doing that, I'm thinking that if she would of been a better supervisor and stop being a priggish, hurtful, no-way-but-my-way boss, I would of been happier but I know she was just bsing me as it would of made her look bad.
In this new dept though, although it is frustrating, I am feeling a lot happier and I feel like I have a lot more options as an employee!!! Its not the best but its an improvement!!!

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 1:50:39 AM

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LUVDOGZ 10/20/2010 8:35AM

    I will be interested to hear how it goes with the notebook. Sometimes I find I am too focused on the calories too. I might have to try that! Also, I hear that when you find a job you love, it is not like a job, it is a passion. I wish you luck in finding that, someday I hope to find mine too!



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HEALTHYASHLEY 10/20/2010 7:46AM

    Just to clarify I have always tracked. That is why I actually joined SP. I only intended to use the tracking stuff but then I got sucked in by the awesome community aspect too!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/20/2010 7:31AM

    Better to get it out than keep it in. One foot in front of the other.

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KATHLOW 10/20/2010 4:49AM

    I'm interested to hear how you do with the notebook tracking. You're absolutely right not just to be happy to have a job - i think it's very important to have one that gives you a sense of accomplishment not just frustration!
Go ash!

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TRACYZABELLE 10/20/2010 1:48AM

    I thought you chocolate covered a carrot, LOL sure looks like one... Tracking is so very important-- it is what has helped millions!! Congrats on your successes so far!

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RJ-CYCLES 10/19/2010 9:44PM

    Ashley, these are very good notes that I plan on incorporating in my eating program. While I document everything that I eat, I like how you carry this further and this gives you good data to work with, to include when to eat and when to stop eating.

Very nice
Thank you much for writing this to this detail


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BIONICMONARCH 10/19/2010 6:55PM

    Good luck with the journaling!

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SLBRANTLEY 10/19/2010 6:52PM

    Sounds like you have a great plan for food tracking. I hope it works well for you. I might try recording the level of hunger too, thanks for the suggestion.

And best wishes on your career change idea also. If it's time to move on, do so. Good for you for taking the initiative.

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MCSNYDER1 10/19/2010 4:19PM

    Ashley, I used to tell my son to figure out what he loved, then try to find a way to make money doing it. Do you know what it is you love to do? I know that's tough, but not as tough as going to a job every single day that brings you no satisfaction! You are bright and talented. You deserve to be happy doing what you do. Any place that you end up is going to be soooo blessed to have you on their team. Good luck, sweetie!

I have been tracking my food and at the beginning was just plain shocked at how horribly I eat when I don't think about it! I HATE to cook! You and your fiance seem to eat so well---fresh, good foods!!! I wish I could be more like you!

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NANHBH 10/19/2010 2:41PM

    Ashley,

I agree with you. They cannot pay me enough to be frustrated. If I'm in a dead end, frustrating job, it's time to move on. Fortunately, I love what I do, my bosses are great - very supportive, and I have excellent benefits where I'm at. I hope you find something that is challenging, suits you, and has a pot of gold that goes along with it!
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Tracking my food is the only way for me to be accountable for what goes into my mouth. In the past, I have been an unconscious eater. Having to write down what I eat makes me think twice before imbibing.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Be well,
Nancy
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RIGBY31 10/19/2010 1:23PM

    Change is good and inevitable. If life isn't evolving, one needs to kick it into another axis! Good luck to you... love the carrots!

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MAMADWARF 10/19/2010 11:17AM

    Well Ashley, along with your weight loss, YOU are changing. It stands to follow that things you accepted before are not acceptable now (I am finding the same things) so since you have a ton of experience and are obviously a valuable asset to a company, you will have no problem finding something that suits you better. Go for it! Life it too short to be miserable every day, thats for sure!!!

I am so excited that you are wearing a LARGE! That is so incredible!! I am so proud of you, truly.
Your guy sounds so awesome and supportive, you have chosen well, my friend.

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CHANGINGMORGAN 10/19/2010 10:41AM

    I totally feel you on the job front and how general dissatisfaction with certain things can get to you. I'm too good at getting dissatisfied and moving on - but with so little stability. So kudos to you for sticking it out and realizing it doesn't work for you and taking the time to think through what will work for you.

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JENN26POINT2 10/19/2010 10:34AM

    We spend 1/3 of our days sleeping, 1/3 doing things we "want" to do (I use the term "want" VERY loosely b/c my 1/3 usually consists of housework and no-fun types of childcare) and the other 1/3 working... Sleeping is pretty much a waste as far as "fun" goes, and housework sucks... so... if our work sucks too, then we have a very sucky day overall... I agree that if you're working you should enjoy it. I don't enjoy my work either... in fact it bores me senseless. Grateful to have a job, but still seeking other options. I can't wait til the day that I can give up the cubicle and desk and move into the gym!! :)

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BELLALUCIA 10/19/2010 10:17AM

    Keep up the good work girlfriend!

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GIANTMICROBE 10/19/2010 10:07AM

    I agree with you 100%. I once had a job I hated so much, I would literally cry on the way there. People who tell you that all work sucks, or that it's called work for a reason, or whatever, are people who are too lazy or negative to go after their dreams. Believe me, I have heard from PLENTY of those people now that I have graduated and still have no job.

And yes, I am unemployed, and no, I don't think that you should be grateful to have any job. I may have to have a few jobs on my way to my dream job that I don't really like, but I absolutely flat-out refuse to live the rest of my life trapped in misery. I saw what that was like for 3 years. I would never want to know that's all I had to look forward to for the rest of my life.

And yeah, nothing saps your positive self-confidence like those hellish fluorescent lights. I know!

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COSMOS 10/19/2010 10:00AM

  Good for you for thinking about a career change! You will enjoy your job so much more once you find something that aligns with who you are. And you'll be widly successful!

Thanks for the reminder that is is very important to keep logging food. I need to keep that up.

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COOKWITHME65 10/19/2010 9:39AM

    You will make the right decision Ashley. You are a powerful woman.

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GEMINIGEM6 10/19/2010 9:30AM

    I agree. Fluorescent lighting is horrible! It's funny b/c I just had a similar experience yesterday except it wasn't bodywise. it was my face. I was taking pics of myself at my desk @ work. Every one of them I felt made me look washed out and old and I started getting depressed thinking 'god is this how I look?" I was really getting down about it. Of course this is an office so there is nothing BUT fluorescent lighting and so I told myself to just not take pics in this lighting and call it a day. Lol. We all have those days. And as far as the job thing, I can totally relate. I need to get a move on myself. I am so grateful for this job, but there is so much more I could be doing with myself. Lol. Best wishes to you in that!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/19/2010 9:28AM

    If you want to change your career, do it! I had the same job for 8 yrs and towards the end, I was absolutely miserable. Everyone kept saying, "the benefits are good, you have kids, you have to work, why change now?" Tell you what, looking for and interviewing for a new job is really stressful, but it was the best decision I could have made. I've been in a new position for about a year and couldn't be happier. I can't tell you how much happier I am, how much less stress I feel, it's amazing the difference in my life. Hubby knows more than anyone! Don't listen to anyone, listen to your heart. If that job is making you unhappy, change it!

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FITBARB2 10/19/2010 9:22AM

    I totally agree , you need to be happy in your choice of job. Good luck with that, and your a smart girl to know this and work on moving on.

Love your blog and can't wait to see the pics....

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NTSOHLTHNT 10/19/2010 9:17AM

    Wow, your comments about how much you hate your job really got to me. I just lost my job, and it made me take a look at who I am. I let myself be defined by my job/profession, and I was living to work. That's was a wake-up call. Since I've been looking for a new job, I've reassessed what I really want to do, and I've come to the conclusion that I want to live, and since that takes money, I'll still need to work. This time around though, I'm going to find something that I will define. LOL, during interviews I've even gone so far as to ask probing questions about the people I would be working for and with--the last thing I want is to work with and for people I can't stand no matter how lucrative the pay might be. Thanks for the perspective.

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SPOOKYTHECAT 10/19/2010 9:14AM

    Those fluorescent lit mirrors Are evil, & don't listen...I think certain stores would get a heck of a lot more sales if their lighting was better!

Anyhow, I agree that you should be happy at the job you do every day. What kind of life is doing something that makes you miserable? You are young.
Follow your passion.




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You don't have to be perfect to be happy

Friday, October 15, 2010

Yesterday as I was leaving work to go to the gym I saw an older man walking home. He was still wearing his smock from the local grocery store and his gait was labored as he had to swing himself heavily from side to side. At first I felt pity for his disability and thanked god that I am lucky enough to be healthy and not have major issues that affect my ability to move. As I was thinking this the mans face absolutely lit up and I looked over to see the cutest black and white splotchy cat coming running down the stone wall to meet him. If cats could smile this one was positively beaming. He stopped walking and leaned against the fence as the cat plowed into him in jubilation and proceeded to nuzzle and cuddle him. That was a moment of pure happiness if I have ever seen one and then it hit me. MY WHOLE LIFE I have been waiting to be thin, and in my mind perfect, to then be happy. Maybe it comes from feelings of very little self worth, having a father who told you on a weekly basis he never wanted you and that the family would be better without you in it, can certainly do that to a child. I always thought if I was thinner, prettier, smarter, a better athlete, maybe my family would love me the way I needed them too. I promptly burst into tears, and I don't mean one glistening drop, I mean full on flood gates snot coming out my nose sobbing. I almost had to pull over. That is what this is all about. Once I decided to be happy first I was able to start losing weight. When I stopped waiting for my life to start I realized I could be happy in the present. I deserve to be happy. I wasted 14 years of my life feeling that I didn't deserve to be special or happy and I have the gift of being healthy and I squandered it.
I realized that man is not the person who deserved pity, it was me. He may have a disability but it clearly isn't slowing him down. He was walking home, smiling on a gorgeous day, to meet his adoring little cat. I already have a nice life and I have been spending it whining about my weight.
From this point I am done pitying myself. I am going to live my life in the here and now and revel in my successes and my wonderful relationship. I am strong, intelligent, successful, blessed and happy. I don't have to live up to some ridiculous standard of being perfect. I think my life is pretty close already. Make it happen.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET09 11/23/2014 5:34PM

  Sometimes, it takes an AHA moment of someone else's to make us see the BIG picture! you are God's child and He does not make the things you described. We are here at this moment, in these situations for so much more. That man was not even aware of you and look at the change he made in you! emoticon and emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You are beautiful!

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WISETERRI2 11/3/2010 10:26PM

    What a wonderful reminder that we can each choose to find joy in the good things in our lives regardless of how others view our circumstances!

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WHEREISCLARK 10/31/2010 11:15AM

  Thank you for the reminder. I is wonderful you can express your new founded knowledge and remind me to also feel the same way.

. emoticon

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IMREITE 10/31/2010 1:11AM

    i have read several threads and blogs around this subject. There are lots of people looking for happiness. in fact i am living with someone who is feeling lost and unhappy. I think we all buy into the garbage we see on tv or in stupid magazines. All it does is makes us feelless then wat we are.

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TASHAMARNI 10/27/2010 1:19PM

    Thanks so much for the reminder, I can really relate to what you have shared!

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JOY1918 10/26/2010 9:30AM

    I can relate. Great blog and reminder that happiness is a choice.

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RIPPEDPAUL1 10/25/2010 9:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOOFYORANGE 10/25/2010 2:46PM

    thanks for the reminder.

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GO2GIRL99 10/25/2010 11:36AM

    good advice

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SAMANTHAJT 10/25/2010 9:11AM

    Awesome blog! In fact you always have GREAT blogs! Thanks for sharing! Have a wonderful day!

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JAK106 10/25/2010 9:04AM

    Thank you for reminding me to live in the moment. I know this, but I don't always live this.

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VIUDANEGRA 10/25/2010 6:04AM

  thank you for this blog I feel there is someone like me ready to change and I need to follow her step stop feeling sorry for my child and stop telling her that she needs to lose weight and need to concentrate on me and only me emoticon

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DANJODEA 10/25/2010 1:37AM

    A major hurdle for me to overcome... thanks for slapping me in the face and reminding me to cut it out! emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 10/24/2010 10:54PM

    great blog...........
thanks for sharing........
blessings and hugs.........lita

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TANSHAN1 10/24/2010 8:38PM

    Wonderful blog! Thanks!

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BOLEBRON 10/24/2010 6:49PM

    That was a great lesson for all of us to learn from it. Thanks for sharing and good luck

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HOWMANYCATS 10/24/2010 6:17PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this . . . there is a a lesson for everyone here!

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AWANDERINGSOUL 10/24/2010 3:33PM

    You made me tear up! Beautiful and poignant! And so true.

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LMMIMI 10/24/2010 3:22PM

    Many years ago I read a story about taking a train trip and how we anticipate reaching our journey's end. When we get there we realize the journey was what was important not so much the destination.

THE STATION

Tucked away in our subconscious is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long trip that spans the continent. We are traveling by train. Out the window we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways; children waving at a crossing; cattle grazing on a distant hill; smoke pouring from the power plant; row upon row of corn, wheat on the flatlands. valleys, mountains, rolling hillsides, city skylines and village halls.

But, uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags waving. Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true, and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles damming the minutes for loitering - waiting, waiting, waiting for the station.


When we reach the station that will be it! We cry, “When I’m 18! When I buy a new 450 SL Mercedes Benz! When I put the last kid through college! When I have paid off the mortgage! When I get a promotion! When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after.”

Sooner of later, we must realize there is no station. No one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us.

“Relish the moment.” is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24 “This is the day that the lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” It isn’t the burdens of today that drives men mad, it is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today.

So stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot more often, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more, cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.

Robert J. Hastings


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SHEILAK64 10/24/2010 2:08PM

  What a blessing your blog is! I needed to read this myself. Thank you!

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IRISHLASS117 10/24/2010 9:01AM

    A small cat and an old man and look at the impact they had on you! And us. Thank you.

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ECLIPSED 10/24/2010 8:55AM

    Your life is what YOU make it, not what others try to tell you it is. I'm happy that you've moved on :)

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HABITATPAT 10/24/2010 7:49AM

  Wow! When you are open to the things around you, you see what you are meant to see at the exact moment you are meant to see it. Blessings to you and your new revelations!

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JIBBIE49 10/24/2010 2:02AM

    emoticonWonderful to see your blog as a FEATURED Blog. emoticon

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NORASPAT 10/23/2010 11:59PM

    Great job, now you have had your eyes opened to the real meaning of happiness you will do so much better, I know i did. Power of positive thinking Pat in Maine.

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KRAWRS 10/23/2010 8:17PM

    I think this blog was ABSOLUTELY beautiful. I totally feel everything you felt when you saw that man. Maybe it was a sign... and you took notice, just like you are supposed to! I've been on a journey to lose weight this past year (haven't gotten very far yet, but I just started sparkpeople, so I'm hoping that change), but I've been on a journey to be happy and happy with myself for longer than that. Looks like you and I are in the same boat. Good luck to both of us in meeting our goals, losing some weight, and learning to be happy either way!

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SLIMMER58 10/23/2010 7:08PM

  You are special! You deserve to be happy! Take life by the scruff of the neck and live it! emoticon

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GINGERVISTA 10/23/2010 6:35PM

    LOVE the title of your blog......and thank goodness for THAT; otherwise, there would be a world-ful of miserable people. I mean, who's PERFECT??? NOBODY!!!
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MNNICE 10/23/2010 3:48PM

    People can either use their past as an "excuse" or as "strength". You are on the right path and have the tools to indeed live a fulfilling life. You said you are "strong, intelligent, successful, blessed and happy". Those gifts and talents will multiply by sharing them with others as well! Let your spark shine!!!!

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ROSEREDD58 10/23/2010 2:23PM

    Great sentiment! Very true, though we don't always think of it!Tammy

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LESLIE56 10/23/2010 2:21PM

    Great blog.....good for you! What an inspiration. emoticon

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ROSEMARDORF 10/23/2010 2:11PM

  I really enjoyed your blog. Those emotional scars are hurtful: I can relate to that. I am so happy for you that you figured out, you are successful; and to be happy!!! Good for you!! Hugs!!

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SAL1512 10/23/2010 2:06PM

    emoticon
I think that emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse!
You hit the nail on the head!
I shed a few tears reading your blog, but my soul is better for it! It is so heartwarming to know that there are people out there in the world that actually GET IT!
Life is a journey, not a competition . . .
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LEXIE63 10/23/2010 1:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Lex xxx


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CHUNKIE4 10/23/2010 11:41AM

    Ashley - Thank you for sharing your dramatic insight. Like you, I have looked in the wrong places for success and self-worth. If I had more money...if I had a nicer car...if I had a larger home...if I were smarter...if I were prettier, etc.,...I will be happy. Well, happiness does not come from things and it does not come from self-reproach, it comes from the little joys in life that make us who we are. Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure, or it is nothing." It is not what we have or how we look that makes us happy; it is finding happiness in who we are and what we do - everyday. emoticon

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PADRAIGHA 10/23/2010 11:37AM

    Live your life in the here and now and revel in it!

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DDHEART 10/23/2010 10:15AM

    This is such a great blog....it made me smile...it made me cry..and it made me proud of you (and all the rest of us) for finally learning to love ourselves and live that way. Thanks for sharing this.

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FERNCREST 10/23/2010 9:46AM

  You are right about living for today. We all deserve to be happy and perfection just isn't the goal. I've tried for perfection for a long time. Getting ready for shows, leaning down, feeling like I didn't do enough to be ready. The last show I did it finally dawned on me that's it's in the eye of the beholder. All of the girls that do articles for Oxygen magazine placed, and they didn't look as good as some of us, so that taught me a lesson, you can't please everyone but be pleased with yourself!!!

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YELLOWBRICKRD 10/23/2010 9:40AM

    emoticon such an insightful message, thanks for sharing!

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RACINGSLUG 10/23/2010 9:16AM

    Thank you for this beautiful blog. I understand all too well the personal ramifications of emotional abuse. Sometimes in order to take back our power we have to test our false theories about the world. The belief I struggle with is that if I am not perfect, my entire life will fall apart. So sometimes, to test my theory, I just do blatantly imperfect things just to see what happens. Incidentally, my life has not fallen apart yet. It's kind of a giddy feeling when you realize you don't have to perfect, or even, dare I say it, that you wouldn't want to be perfect even if you could be. My personal growth is one of the greatest joys of my life, and I need mistakes in order to grow, so I'm learning to welcome myself for who I am, and celebrate her.

And I see you are on the road to doing that yourself, thanks to a cute spotted kitty cat and a happy man. I think we are blessed to have had the experience we had as children (yeah, I went there - - blessed) because it puts everything we have now into perspective. I understand if you don't feel that way right now, though. Healing is a long process. I wish you all the best of luck on your journey.

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JANEYINMADTOWN 10/23/2010 8:35AM

    Thank you. I needed to read a message like this today!

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TINATC26 10/23/2010 8:10AM

    Congratulations on your "ah ha!" moment! Self-revelations are the best when they come like that, I think. Keep up the good work, and be kind to yourself.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 10/23/2010 3:02AM

    my nan´s favorite saying to people who use to admire all that she managed to do was,just because i am disabled it doesn´t mean that i have a handicap.she lead as normal alife as she could with what she had and didn´t need or want pity,i have been brought up that no matter how hard your life is there is always someone out there who is worse off.it is not so much what we have or have not but what we do with what we have.we can feel sorry for ourselfs and wollow in our misfortune or we can get on with it.i have three children with special needs and i try to give my children as normal a life as any other children.i don not let them play on there illness or use them as an excuse to get pout of something.they have their li´mitations that sometimes they have to learn to accept but at the same time that doesn´t give them a free pass to not even try.i say to them as long as you have given their best then it is ok.but it must be their best.because of my nana(in a wheelcahair) and my mother (who was blind and walked with two sticks)we were brought up to be the best we can no matter what.if that best wasn´t good enough for the others thazt was their problem not mine.being handicapped or disabled has alot to do with your mind,how you deal with the situation and what you accept about the situation.i hope your innerer scars heal soon you sound as if you are on the way with the healing process as you have regonise that there is something there to heal.that is half the battle.do your best in all things you can´t do more than that.accept your limitations for what they are.but don´t mix up limitation and challanges they are two differant things.challanges are things you can overcome and do something about limitations are what they are and have to be acepted as such.remember it is down to you in the end but rememeber when you want emoticon

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ANJOYLA 10/23/2010 2:02AM

    Ashley:
I read your post and actually I took a little time before posting this comment because I had so much to say and I wanted to organize it. Some people have visible disabilities that when you look at the person you can see their disability. Others have invisible disabilities. Everyone has problems. I like to think it is through our trials our great lessons are learned and shape us whether good or bad. For many with disabilities we have had to come to accept whatever the disability is and we have had to adjust our lives accordingly. For myself I have Multiple Sclerosis and my gait and walking problems make me look like I am drunk and often people will make comments or mistake me for a drunk. I do not drink. Or if when I used to drive I would park in handicap and though I am not wheelchair bound they would make comments. For some disability is invisible what I mean by this is the handicap is internal where you can't see many have mental conditions you wouldn't be able to tell unless you are close to that person or what have you. I grew up with friend that was hearing impaired. He did not use sign language he read lips. He participated in school and he participated and was a great athlete. For those of us that have a disability we often find ways to compensate for what part we are lacking. The hard part is the stares and sometimes the comment or the misunderstanding.
When you live with a condition you learn to accept it and it becomes part of everyday life so much so that when others who aren't with you daily and don't deal with see it or experience it they have your reaction.
Just because you don't have a physical disability you actually do have an invisible one. It sounds like from your post you were verbally abused and you have compensated for it by working hard to lose weight. One thing I noticed is that you have used magical thinking that is one a person thinks if only such and such then life will be perfect. Life is never perfect in fact it's messy. I often say it is through learning through our trials we develope into who we are to be. Each person has their own path to take and each way along the road there are going to be trials. I am glad that you realized that you didnt' need to pity the man or yourself. That you were doing things to change your life for the good.



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ERIECANALGAL 10/23/2010 12:33AM

    That is so true! I let that weight issue get in my way too! I should be thankful for the good health I have more ofter too!
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Dottee

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SWEETMAGNOLIA2 10/23/2010 12:08AM

    I can empathize with some of the put downs you had growing up. I love your conclusion of reveling in the here and now. Sounds like your "Special Relationship" is helping you to see yourself through different eyes. I am very happy for you. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/23/2010 12:14:54 AM

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GETDONE 10/22/2010 10:47PM

    SO TRUE-- i constantly remind myself of how fortunate I am.
What a beautiful thing for you to share with me--I can see the smile and joy on his face and in his eyes--ah to be needed and loved by someone or a pet makes the world a friendlier place. emoticon

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BABYBEARY 10/22/2010 10:26PM

    WOW. Thanks for sharing.

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LEEZAHYO 10/22/2010 6:34PM

    This story brought tears to my eyes thank you sooo much for sharing. Ive been tryin to be happy in mt present life and this helped. Have an amazing weekend

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DENISETHE1ST 10/22/2010 5:22PM

  emoticon

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The giving season is rapidly approaching

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

When I started on this path to be the person that I always wanted to be in my heart a year ago, I decided I wanted to give back to the less fortunate. I am lucky enough to have a nice place to live and food on the table and I know first hand what it is like to not be so lucky. Part of my change was my fiancé and I decided we want to help people in our lives who need it. Screw these huge charities who spend all their money on ridiculous fundraisers and salaries. Why not just help the elderly neighbor around the corner or your niece who just had her husband leave her? You could change lives immediately and directly. My fiancé's aunt is a nun and she works with children who's families are so poor in Colombia that they physically can't take care of their kids. They live at the convent and several thousand commute there daily for school from their houses. She is an absolutely amazing woman and she taught me so much about love and selflessness. Last year for Christmas we decided we wanted to send the kids something and it humbled me when she requested shoes, not toys, because many of the children literally went barefoot. I am in tears now just thinking about it. For about 250 dollars we were able to put shoes on all the kids she had that didn't have a pair and she said they were beyond thrilled. I can not tell you how good that felt or how much more I enjoyed that than opening another gift. I am not telling you this because I am looking for some kind of credit. I am talking about this because I hope that if you are able that you make a decision to help someone this year too. How much better would our culture be if people helped each other just because it is the right thing to do? How much would that single mom you know appreciate it if you offered to babysit once a month? More than you could imagine. Think about it. We can change not just our own lives but the lives of the people around us too.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RIVERDLC 10/14/2010 5:32PM

    right after I graduated nursing school my daughter and I adopeted a family. It was my ex's family but none the less they had a great family.

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 10/14/2010 12:18PM

    That's a great idea. We do several things like that through our church.

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MOXYJONES 10/14/2010 11:54AM

    This is great! There's a wonderful charity called family-to-family where you "adopt" a needy family in the US. It's $37 a month to give them a week's worth of groceries plus you are encouraged to send them other things (say, around the kids' birthdays, etc). It's a great one that I am happy to let people know about! You're right that the world would and can be a better place for helping others!

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JENN26POINT2 10/14/2010 11:20AM

    I liked doing charity work too. I know that the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is a huge charity that spends 25% of their funds for administrative costs (salaries, fundraisers, etc), but what they do is phenomenal too. And since RUNTRILAUGH's dad is going through a possible leukemia scare, I'm glad to be doing it and helping to raise funds for the research and treatments needed to cure the disease.

That being said, I'm also raising funds for a 5 year old little boy (Payton Schultz) who suffers from a not-so-well-known disease called Hyper-Immunoglobulin Anemia which makes his body think it is sick, which produces an immune response. His body literally attacks itself because it thinks there are microbes swimming through his body. He gets fevers that don't "shut off" at any certain point. He's had a fever as high as 109 degrees! He has a myriad of other problems too. His medication costs are $700 per month AFTER INSURANCE. My hope is to give the family $700 for Christmas so they don't have to pay for Payton's medications for Christmas. This doesn't help a lot of people like the LLS does, but it helps a friend. And that feels good too.

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MARCYNA 10/14/2010 10:52AM

    WoW, I did the same, I'm sending money to a Missionary who works in the Philippines with children who are abandoned. I'm also contemplating distant adoption emoticon
PS I know him personally, wonderful person!!!

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POOHLA711 10/14/2010 8:31AM

    Last year my office adopted 3 families for Christmas. We had a paper Xmas tree with little paper ornaments that you could take that had something that the family needed written on it. Everyone chose something and brought it in. I work for a major chain of Supercenters (NOT Walmart!), so in addition to the employee's generousity, we were able to provide food for the families as well.
I was overwhelmed with emotion when I saw the photos of the families receiving their deliveries. I feel the same way when I watch my nieces and nephews open gifts.
Giving is truly better than receiving. emoticon

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BELLALUCIA 10/14/2010 7:31AM

    Wow Ashley, amazing stuff!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 10/14/2010 7:30AM

    It is so exciting to see so many people agree with me! Absolutely it does not take money to give to others. Time and help is just as valuable. MEZZOANGEL made a good point in that it isn't just about the holidays. We help his family year around as well as some local families. Yeah, my SP friends are so awesome.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/14/2010 7:24AM

    Giving has no season. That was a very beautiful thing you and your fiancee did, bravo. Volunteering can have the same impact. Mentoring can have the same impact. If you stop and think about it, every decision we make everyday impacts the life of another in some way, shape or form.

I'll be looking forward to more of your blogs this winter to see what else you will be giving back.

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GIANTMICROBE 10/14/2010 7:24AM

    I was so happy to read this. When I saw the title I thought I was going to see a long complaint about how you're expected to buy, buy, buy for everyone in your family and you can't afford it... but why would I think that? That's not who you are at all! Great post as always.

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POOKAQUEEN 10/14/2010 6:53AM

    Aww, I teared up reading this. That's so great.

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KATHLOW 10/14/2010 3:51AM

    thanks ashley! I try to live by this, but it's easy to forget sometimes!

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CHERYLMIRABAL 10/14/2010 3:33AM

  Thank you for the reminder. We all need to take care of each other.

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COOKWITHME65 10/14/2010 3:24AM

    You have the right attitude Ashley! There is so much we can do to help others during their difficult times.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 10/14/2010 1:32AM

    The Mr and I just attended a 30th birthday party no gifts were accepted, at all. We were asked to make a money donation of any size, the money was sent to an orphange. It was an amazing feeling!

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DREENAMT 10/13/2010 11:04PM

    This is awesome, Ashley. I agree, wholeheartedly. Brighten the corner where you are!

Sounds like you are feeling better!

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HOPERISING 10/13/2010 11:01PM

    Fantastic reminder Ashley! I'd just like to add, that it doesn't take money to make a difference. I work with the elderly, and I've seen so many desperately lonely people. Visit a nursing home, or an assisted living facility, and just sit and listen. Thats all it takes!

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MOMTORISSA 10/13/2010 9:47PM

    Wonderful story and wonderful, timely reminder. Even though I'm a single mom myself, I try to give back as well.

One of the best things anyone did for me was last Christmas we got over 1 foot of snow - on Christmas day. My neighbor and his dad and brother came over and cleared my driveway for me. It would have taken me literally hours to do it myself; they did it in 30 minutes. I was so happy I cried!
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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/13/2010 9:12PM

    I think that it's wonderful that you and your fiance do those things. My family and I always make sure we help out when we can. I think it's a great thing to teach my kids. And hopefully they'll teach their kids, etc. I think that if everyone would do something, one thing, anything, this whole world would be soo much better. Thanks for sharing Ashley!

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MAIA2011 10/13/2010 8:55PM

    This is so true. I have stopped celebrating Christmas the normal over-consumption way and now find a new way to volunteer and help every year. I am much happier.

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DAWNFRNJ 10/13/2010 8:54PM

    Wonderful story and wonderful reminder. Many homeless shelters can use socks and blankets this time of year. Even thought I am not working right now my husband and I can afford to buy a couple of packages of socks.

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MADEMCHE 10/13/2010 8:54PM

    I agree Ashley! Help those around you whenever you can, because it will always come back to you. It fills your heart and soul and if there is ever a day when you need help, there will be people lined up to help you. It is a support system that we have forgotten. Thank you for the reminder!

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GRACEISENUF 10/13/2010 8:52PM

    Thank you for sharing this Ashley. My family and I reach out to others and in doing so we are the ones who feel the most blessed. We have so much in this country compared to so many others in many parts of the world who are suffering so.

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Just not feeling like me

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

For the last 3 days have just felt off. I can't quite put my finger on it but just pretty blah. Tired, very irritable, just overall completely exhausted mentally and physically. No I am not pregnant which is what people keep asking me. My boss let me go home early yesterday because of the holiday which was nice of her. I went to the gym, went home and had dinner with my fiancé and then fell asleep until I had to take him to work at 9. Then I slept the whole night until I picked him up at 6 AM this morning. Today was just a long awful day and my boss wanted to have a meeting about why I am not going to them with a lot of stuff anymore. I said "because you told me I was needy. Now when I don't ask you for things I am not as excited about my job". I can't win. When I left tonight I decided to go to Whole Foods that is across the street from my gym because I wanted to buy wheatberries. I was reading about them in a healthy cooking magazine and I wanted to give them a try. If you don't know they are the piece that comes directly out of a head of wheat that eventually gets refined into flour. The wheatberry has all the good stuff still. I wandered around a bit and got myself all worked over the prices at Whole Foods. That store is such a huge ripoff. They sell the same things other stores do and for so much more money and half the meat and fish I have gotten there was bad. When I was single and making a lot of money I used to shop there and think nothing of it but now that we are saving for a house and a wedding it just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore.
I left and went over to the gym and just sat in my car. I didn't want to go in EVEN A LITTLE. I watched the people on the machines and saw how full it was and all I could think was "I feel like a flippin hampster". It seriously took all my energy to force myself to go in but I did. I pouted the whole way fyi. I hopped on the elliptical and did my usual workout but it didn't make me feel better like it usually does. My gym stalker found me again and he has turned into what was an ego boost into a straight up uncomfortable situation. One of the comments I got was that he was probably going to hit on me and I really started to get weirded out by him because that was how he was acting. Today I decided to wear my engagement ring while I was working out and I was right....he saw it and that was the end of him. I am pretty relieved. I never would have thought that was what he was up to until someone else mentioned it. It feels weird to be having people notice me again. I don't feel too differently than I did before.
I headed home to make a wild mushroom egg white omelette with asparagus for dinner. I have been missing comfort food and so I thought this was a solution. Kinda sorta but not really. What I really wanted to do all day was curl up on the couch with a blanket and a pepperoni pizza. Pepperoni pizza is one of those things I have just had to give up. I don't see even in moderation how to make it work in my life now and I do miss it but I know if I was to try and eat just 1 piece it would be too much of a trigger food for me. Nothing is really seeming to make me feel back to normal. I don't even want to drink water and since I don't even want to drink anything else I am forcing myself to choke down the water so I won't get dehydrated. I hope this passes soon.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 11/2/2010 2:06PM

    Give yourself some time. We all get into these funks. Hope by now the cloud has lifted.

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JOSIE816 10/31/2010 11:57PM

  i adore pizza and just cannot bring myself to give it up so i improvise- i get ww pita bread/pockets and top them with lots of sauce, a few pepperoni and enough cheese to make it recognizable as pizza :) it always hits the spot and depending on the type of bread it usually around 300-350 calories. and worth every one of them too!

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MOBEANZ 10/18/2010 4:17PM

    I have weeks like that. Most of the time it's from my period but I had a week about four weeks ago that actually scared me. I've been successful for almost ten months and had a week where I really considered giving up. Not because I'm not losing, I just, like you, felt like a hamster. Like I was doing the same routine, running on the treadmill, going to work, coming home, cooking healthy, eating the same things, that I really felt like I wanted to give up. I had to slowly let myself come out of it, and when I did I decided to join a gym. It made me love working out again. I have to constantly find new things to get me excited over working out again. Thanks for this blog it was good to know I'm not alone!

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LOUFANJESSICA 10/13/2010 8:52PM

    Hope you get to feeling like yourself again soon. I am proud of you that even though you totally weren't feeling up to it, you still worked out and didn't give into the comfort foods like pizza. That is hard for me to do when I am feeling out of sorts.
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JRIMM4 10/13/2010 5:43PM

    Hope you get to feeling better soon!

JR

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3CHIHUAHUA 10/13/2010 5:15PM

    when I get that way I turn up the tunes
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BAHAMIANJENNI 10/13/2010 2:14PM

    emoticon

You are not alone.

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BAHAMIANJENNI 10/13/2010 2:14PM

    emoticon

You are not alone.

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BADASSBLONDIE 10/13/2010 12:57PM

    *hugs hard* I hope you feel better soon, too!

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 10/13/2010 12:49PM

    Aww...I know these feelings will pass soon! You are too emoticon to let these feelings just sabotage all you have achieved. I know what you mean about trigger foods, its just best to stay a way for a while. emoticon


-Lexie

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TONYA1BRYANT 10/13/2010 10:05AM

    I hope you are feeling better soon. I'm very impressed that you went on into the gym and worked out. Most people would have just went home and I for one would have gone ahead and eatten an entire half of pizza.
Has this feeling ever occured before? If so when? Was something going on then that bothered you? Anything like that now going on?

Big hug for you....take care.


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SMOCKON 10/13/2010 9:50AM

    It's interesting that you knew pizza wouldn't make you feel better and didn't even try that approach to minimizing the "blah." I find a lot of us here struggle with comfort eating, so I love knowing that it's possible to get over that. Thanks for posting!

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ALLFORME40 10/13/2010 9:28AM

    I've too have been there with that ho hum (or worse!) feeling. For me, I've thought it may be about the change in seasons. AND i love the Fall!! But something about the change in the light, the length of the day, the summer ending, and maybe the memories of going back to school when I was a kid could be affecting my disposition. School wasn't bad for me, but I distinctly remembering wanting my body to look differently and being so hard on myself. I believe the body remembers all these traumas, big and little, and continues to process throughout our lives whenever the memory gets triggered.
You are doing Fab-u-Lous!! in feeling what you are feeling, and continuing to do all the things you know that usually make you feel better.
I so hope it passes for you soon and you get to see how you pulled YOURSELF through a rough patch! Best wishes, Marta emoticon

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SLFRISBEY 10/13/2010 9:06AM

    I think alot of people are feeling this way, myself included. I wish I had some magical cure but if you find one pass it my way! :) emoticon

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NANAKONATA 10/13/2010 8:47AM

    This is the way I was an entire week before my "TOM", could be possible. And as you just saw from my recent blog, if you stick with your regular routine, ANYTHING is possible, even results you do not expect! Keep up the good things and more good things will follow. Hope you feel better soon! emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/13/2010 5:23AM

    emoticon Feel better soon girl. You getting in there and working out anyway, SO impressed you're awesome. I agree with getting some Vitamin C! ! !

Hugs

Dimitra

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KATHLOW 10/13/2010 3:48AM

    Good for you for working out anyway ashley! We all have these weeks, i guess...and yes, sometimes I really miss things i've had to give up too. Sometimes I just want to eat like everyone else, if you get what I mean. But we'll be so much healthier for sticking with it , I guess!

Hope you start feeling like yourself soon again.
Hugs,
kath

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BLUETIGGER33 10/13/2010 12:42AM

    I had the "I don't feel like working out today" bug as well. I went anyway. It took almost two hours to get to the good feeling you get from working out. Hope you start to feel like yourself again soon.

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ZANNACHAN 10/13/2010 12:32AM

    Good for you to work out anyway. I'm glad that the issue with the creepy guy got resolved.

It may be nothing, but you may be coming down with a cold. Make sure you get plenty of sleep, water, and vitamin C.

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MAIA2011 10/12/2010 10:36PM

    I hate it that I was right about that creep. I am glad you wore your engagement ring. I hope he was blinded by it!

I hope you feel better soon. We are all here for you, lady!

emoticon

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SUSIEWHITE1109 10/12/2010 10:20PM

    Hang in there Ashley - I can relate to what you're saying, and I think you did a great job by going to the gym. Sometimes we have to just "ride it out" until it passes...but it's possible that you might have some kind of an illness creeping up on you. A few weeks ago I started the day feeling fine, and by 2pm I left work, went straight home and to bed...ended up I was coming down with a respiratory infection, but it came without much warning...

So anyhow, I sure hope you're not sick, and that tomorrow you'll be feeling "in the groove" again!!

emoticon emoticon

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BRIAEL 10/12/2010 9:58PM

    Unless you're coming down with something icky because of the weather change, try to roll with it until it passes. Thinking of ya! :)

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MELISSAT123 10/12/2010 9:55PM

    I hope you feel better soon. I know how hard it is when you can't really pinpoint why you feel the way you do.

Keep a positive outlook and this will go away.


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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 10/12/2010 9:39PM

    Just know, that you're not the only one who's ever felt this way. It's hard to pinpoint what and why you're feeling this way, but like the others said, if will pass, and you'll be back to the crazy workout, great cooking Ashley that you want to be!
emoticon emoticon

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JEAN_WIKE 10/12/2010 9:27PM

  The thing about pepperoni pizza being your trigger food made me think of Drew Carey. He's lost a lot of weight the last few months. I kind of had the attitude "of course he lost a lot of weight, he's wealthy". Then I read the parade article, and saw he is in some ways just like the rest of us. Specifically, just like you. He can't eat a pepperoni pizza without losing control.

http://www.parade.com/healt
h/2010/09/26-drew-carey.html>
Whatever is causing your doldrums, I hope it passes soon. Meanwhile, keep on keeping on. emoticon

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KJDOESLIFE 10/12/2010 9:25PM

    I know when I start feeling like this, it's a symptom of something else bugging me. Have a cuddle with your fiance and talk it out. Or try the writing conversation with yourself to get your ideas out. Hope you are able to sort it out and feel like yourself again!

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CARILOUIE 10/12/2010 9:17PM

    Hang in there... I know just how you feel. And this too, shall pass. It might not seem like it, but it will.

emoticon

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LITTLEONEJLC 10/12/2010 9:14PM

    I have those days sometimes. Sometimes it's pms. Sometimes I don't know WHAT it is, but I can feel it, and nothing seems to help. I wish I had some good advice for you, but truthfully, thinking about when I feel that way, it's either something unexpected that pulls me out (like an unexpected fun activity with the fam), or just time - after some time passes I start to feel like me again. Hang in there. emoticon

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MADEMCHE 10/12/2010 9:14PM

    Aww Ash. I have those days too. It will pass, it always does. But I know how much it sucks right now. On a cool note, we had the exact same supper! And I am having wheat berries tomorrow, so we are telepathically food linked! Email or text if you want to talk love. I am here, no matter what time it is.

Love you.
Maun

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SHELLY_DO 10/12/2010 9:11PM

    Hang in there. Maybe your iron is low, I think that can cause low energy. Also if the gym workouts are becoming no fun, maybe you need to try something new. Like running outside, joining a class or a team, or workout with tape at home. That has helped me a lot. I would totally quit if I had to go to the gym each day.

I bet by next week you will feel a whole lot better.

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FITBARB2 10/12/2010 9:10PM

    Not sure what advice or wise words I can say to you, but just wanted to send you a hug and support.

I am wiped out too.. so I took another day off my work out.. food is still good. I think sometimes, we need a little rest... re focus and keep at it...
I am very proud of you for going to the gym...wohooo.

The pizza thing.. I miss it too.. I used to make it on a ww pita.. or toritila.. sauce.. turkey pep.. and tons of veggies and a little feta... oh, man it was tasty. and portion control wasn't an issue... you just make one.

Hang in there.

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2FUN2B_LAZY 10/12/2010 9:06PM

    I think everyone feels this way sometimes. It will pass.. hopefully sooner rather than later!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/12/2010 9:00PM

    Sorry love. Nothing I will say will help, so just know I care.

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MCSNYDER1 10/12/2010 8:57PM

    Oh, Ashley, I'm so sorry you have been feeling this way. In fact, I had you on my list of people to check on today. Try to stay busy. That will help you not to dwell on how you're feeling. I admire you for many reasons. But staying true to who you are is the one that strikes me most. You are a vibrant, beautiful young woman. Continue to treat yourself like you want others to treat you. You are definitely worth it!! Love ya, girl!!!

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RIVERDLC 10/12/2010 8:55PM

    Hang in there. We all have those days where we are just off. Sometimes bosses dont know what they want.

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