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Want to know a secret? Positivity doesn't have to come naturally

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

I have gotten so many comments and goodies telling me I am so positive and that people find that so inspirational. Thank you so much for those words from each and every one of you. It means a lot to me so I am going to let you in on a secret....I have always been known by family and friends for being really negative. Weird right? So when I started SP I decided something had to change this time and it was going to be my attitude and it was hard. You know the saying "if you don't got it, fake it?". That is what I did. I pretended to be positive and tried to see things in a good light and guess what???!!! It worked. I was able to trick my mind into really believing it and it was the push I needed to make this time unique and lose the weight. So, when you read my blogs and say "wow, she really has it together and I can never be like her" you are wrong. You can. You can do this. The first step is to get "I can't" out of your mind. Sit down and write a blog about all the things you want to be and point out all the good things about yourself and the progress you are making. When you look in the mirror instead of thinking "I still have so far to go!" force yourself to see how far you have come. Look at how your neck has shrunk or that you can see a calf muscle now. I don't care how much you have to contort your leg to see it lol. You earned it and you need to force your mind to celebrate it. Such a huge part of changing your life is your emotions and your attitude. If I had not dealt with my emotional baggage and accepted responsibility for my part in making myself morbidly obese, I do not believe I would where I am now. Yes, I blamed the world and got mad at when people talked down to the obese but they did not make me this way. I did.
Now that you have your list, your dreams all down, this is the most important step. DO IT. Writing it down is the easy part, buying a gym membership is easy, going to the grocery store and buying apples, yogurt, and oatmeal is easy. The hard part is making yourself do it and believe all of your own positive thoughts. YOU CAN become a psycho cardio bunny or elliptical girl. YOU CAN find time in the day to take a walk with your dog. YOU CAN find a way to fit healthy food in your budget (processed junk costs way more, do the math of what you pay for a chicken breast /lb vs chicken nuggets /lb and you will be shocked). Take all the energy you spend hating your body and yourself and life and society and channel it into believing all these good things about yourself.
This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do for myself but it worked. There are days I want to eat junk, there are days when it is cold and rainy and I don't want to go to the gym but I do it. I think about all the reasons why I will be upset with myself for not going. I even think about how sad I will be the next morning if I don't see any progress and it keeps me going. NOTABOUTHEFACE wrote a great blog about the motivation myth and she is right. Positivity comes from inside you. It doesn't have to be something you are born with, you can create it on your own. Look inside and believe you are worth it. If you take care of yourself than you can give so much more to the people around you. It's a choice. Now get out there and do it and I want to hear about your progress! Make it happen!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PERFUMEMIA 10/27/2010 3:50PM

  Hello, I like your blog. You are absolutely right, positive self talk is so important!!
I count my blessings everyday, and try to be a blessing to everyone that I met.
I write down positives thoughts, feelings, actions ect. I write what I am thankful for every night. This has helped me so much!
I teach my Sons to do the same kind of things, and while they do not journal, they often catch themselves in a negative thought or conversation, and change the way that they are thinking and expressing themselves. My 26, 22 and 14 year old sons have benefited from this strategy of "Being" .
Thank you for your blog, Perfumemia emoticon

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PERFUMEMIA 10/27/2010 3:49PM

  Hello, I like your blog. You are absolutely right, positive self talk is so important!!
I count my blessings everyday, and try to be a blessing to everyone that I met.
I write down positives thoughts, feelings, actions ect. I write what I am thankful for every night. This has helped me so much!
I teach my Sons to do the same kind of things, and while they do not journal, they often catch themselves in a negative thought or conversation, and change the way that they are thinking and expressing themselves. My 26, 22 and 14 year old sons have benefited from this strategy of "Being" .
Thank you for your blog, Perfumemia emoticon

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ROJAKHAN 10/12/2010 10:05AM

    emoticon

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ANGELBELIEVER 10/11/2010 2:52PM

    emoticon blog. Thanks for sharing your secret with us. Keep doing what you're doing 'cause it;s working! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NITELITE72 10/10/2010 10:14AM

    What a great blog...and exactly what I needed to hear right now!! I had a pity party for myself yesterday, but today is a new day and I choose to make it a great one! thank you!!!!

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TRABOLD8567 10/10/2010 12:29AM

  Great blog! Way to go

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KEISHA074 10/9/2010 10:00PM

    This was great... thank you!

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LUCYSRAIN 10/9/2010 7:59PM

    Wow!

Great Blog and way to go!

Once you learn the art of positive thinking even the bad days are better days.... emoticon

You are definately a winner in my book emoticon

Here's to your healthy fit beautiful bountiful life emoticon

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BABYNURSE2000 10/9/2010 5:28PM

    I"m always telling my daughter to "show no fear". We hold back, trembling, because we might fail. But, just trying is winning!

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CINDERELLA_MAN 10/9/2010 5:24PM

    You are so right! And by putting it into words, you're inspiring :) Thanks!

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MODERN-AMAZON 10/9/2010 8:40AM

    Great blog!

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MODERN-AMAZON 10/9/2010 8:40AM

    Great blog!

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MODERN-AMAZON 10/9/2010 8:40AM

    Great blog!

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KAREN42BOYS 10/8/2010 10:12PM

    woot! what a great testimony of you really changing yourself!

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BELLEFAITH42 10/8/2010 8:18PM

    You really hit home for me with this line 'buying a gym membership is easy, going to the grocery store and buying apples, yogurt, and oatmeal is easy. The hard part is making yourself do it and believe all of your own positive thoughts.'

Thats exactly what i have been doing, reading every diet book, researching the right workout plan, grocery shopping and planning. been working hard at all that for several months now. Haven't lost a single pound, in fact gained some... Now for the hard part! Thank-you, you are an inspiration.

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STARLIGHT082307 10/8/2010 5:26PM

    As a teacher I made a conscious choice at the beginning of this school year to be more positive. There were many days that I had to fake it. But it really does work. I

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FATHINSN 10/8/2010 5:08PM

    Sometimes I can't help it but wondering how come faking something can make things works - like just laugh even though in very low mood to cheer up again and it works! Perhaps it's our effort to get something by not just waiting for the change but we do the change ourselves. And one thing I like to do to myself, keep urging, lying to myself to go on and on when the boredom or laziness is creeping in, haha.

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FLWRCHLD97 10/8/2010 3:19PM

    Excellent blog, so true! Thanks for keeping it real!!!

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SABRINASA21 10/8/2010 2:14PM

    My favorite quote that has gotten me really far in life is, "fake it, till you make it". And it really does work! Good reminder for the ATTITUDE. Thanks!

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FITBARB2 10/8/2010 1:40PM

    Love it!!! So true. emoticon

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DIVADOLL73 10/8/2010 1:24PM

    YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!! emoticon emoticon

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JANETLP 10/8/2010 1:08PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am with you 100%- If you don't come by it naturally- fake it! I am leaning what you are. If I come on here with my woo-is-me attitude I get even more bumbed out. But, if I get on here and like you said- talk about all the good things God is doing in my life and showing me through this SP program, I boost myself. I get so excited with what God is doing in and around me!

God Bless you for sharing this blog.
Love in Christ,
Janet

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MYLIDDLEDALLAS 10/8/2010 12:52PM

    100% correct! Thanks for sharing!

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PURPLELVR7 10/8/2010 12:07PM

    Awesome blog, you are so right! Sometimes you do have to fake it, but if you do that long enough it becomes real

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MARCYNA 10/8/2010 12:02PM

    Yes. I used to be really negative about myself, now I'm learning negativity is NOT humbleness and I try to be as positive I can and transfer this skill to to others emoticon emoticon

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CINDBABE 10/8/2010 12:01PM

    Great blog! Thanks for sharing!

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DESTINEDTOBFIT 10/8/2010 11:55AM

  I came out here looking to convince myself not to grab the garbage I prefer to eat and this blog definitely has me thinking more in the right direction now. And now I'm going to read a couple more of your blogs which look interesting--thanks!
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3CHIHUAHUA 10/8/2010 11:17AM

    Make it Happen!

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KIMBERBRAN 10/8/2010 10:24AM

    awesome and SO true thanks :)

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NJCARCIERI 10/8/2010 10:14AM

    that's a fantastic blog! great way to change your attitude! thanks for sharing!
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NIKKI7727 10/8/2010 9:46AM

    emoticon

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FLBEACHBUM14 10/8/2010 9:26AM

    Thanks, great blog! I have a story about this very subject which I will save for one of my blogs but this is so true and you have put it so eloquently!

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LADY_KATHY 10/8/2010 8:25AM

    Thanks for taking responsibility and not blaming others. This is EXACTLY what I"m teaching my students. So many people blame others for their shortcomings or make excuses.


•*´¨) †
¸.• ¸.•*´¨)¸.•*¨) †
(¸.• ♥ Kathy ♥


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LILAC6368 10/8/2010 7:09AM

    emoticon

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ANJOYLA 10/8/2010 5:55AM

    Keep up the good work. It pays to be positive it also influences others to try to be positive as well.

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CHERYLMIRABAL 10/8/2010 5:46AM

  Great Blog!!!!I have trained myself to be the same way. Not easy, but so worth it. Now to get the energy (and courage) to take my 4 little big dogs(3 mini dachshunds and 1 maltese)out for a 30 minute walk. I am psyching myself into it. Did I mention that these 4 dogs, total weight about 37-40 lbs, are also the 4-headed hound from Hell to walk? Have you every been "Maypoled" by four whirling dirvishes on leashes? OK people, gird your loins, its time to take the pups out later this morning!!! (I think I can, I think I can!!!) Make it a great day today. emoticon

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SOPHIETR 10/8/2010 1:03AM

    Thanks for sharing! and continued good luck! and wishing you mant blessings on your journey to success. God bless you!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FLIGGACHICA 10/7/2010 11:49PM

    so true!

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LUBAML 10/7/2010 11:46PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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HELLOSTEPHIE 10/7/2010 10:22PM

  Wow! What a great blog, thanks! :)

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BTRFLY08 10/7/2010 9:40PM

    Thanks!

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FAIRVIEWBONNIE 10/7/2010 9:30PM

    Very good message. Thank you!

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NELLBELLA26 10/7/2010 9:21PM

    I want to print this out and read it every day!!!! I am one of those "Negative Nellies!" and I have a really hard time seeing the good. It definitely doesn't come naturally, it's just like the weight loss goals themselves... the change comes through a lot of hard work. I have to force myself to see the silver lining in certain situations.
Fantastic blog! Very real and very true. Keep the positivity going. you're an amazing inspiration. emoticon

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GLEORIA 10/7/2010 8:35PM

    Glad I read this blog.

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GEEKGIRL2010 10/7/2010 8:09PM

  thanks, I needed this today!

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REBECKYPTA 10/7/2010 7:30PM

    Holy cow it's like you were inside my head. All the things you said were exactly how I feel. I tend not to be such a positive person. I've had a lot of heart ache in my life so I think I just let myself go like what was the point, no one is going to like me any way. But in this point and time in my life I do have a reason to do and get better! Thanks for your inspirational message!

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JILLINWONDER 10/7/2010 6:05PM

    A big congrats to you on changing yourself into a positive person! Thanks for being so open and honest. Great blog!

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ANIHAKA 10/7/2010 5:12PM

    Thank you I must stop saying I have a long way to go. This makes such good sense that is the type of sense which I tend to lose in the clutter of other less sensible thoughts.
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MYRTLEBOO 10/7/2010 4:51PM

    Thank you--I keep thinking if I'm motivated I don't have bad days (or weeks). You help me remember to keep on even if I don't "feel" like it.

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SASSYBEAN1 10/7/2010 4:15PM

    Just what I needed to hear! Thanks!

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I have become "one of those people" at the gym

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Last night I was rocking out on the elliptical again when I noticed the guy next to me kept checking the minutes on my machine etc. Just a few months ago I would have thought he was wondering how a fat person could keep up but with my new found self esteem in overload I knew it was because he was being competitive. If you don't know this about me, I am really competitive, like worse than most men I know. I love fitness classes because I will kill myself to not be behind everyone else, even if I am dying. So I pretended I didn't notice what he was doing and I started speeding up. I was also about 10 minutes ahead of him in time so I wanted to see how long he would keep it up. After about five minutes of racing he started to fade and at 30 minutes (his time) he got off. I felt victorious. I went from being morbidly obese to blowing guys off the elliptical in a very short time period. He came back to wipe down his machine and motions for me to take my earphones out AND THEN HE SAID.....
"Can I ask you how long you have been doing this because you are really amazing at that machine?" I don't think I have smiled that big in a very long time. I told him I have been going to this gym about a week and a half but I had been working out before this and had really just gotten into the elliptical 5 days a week when I started at this gym. He couldn't believe it and told me he had been working at it for months and it was still kicking his butt.
That was when I realized, I am one of those people other people watch at the gym. I never really thought I would be that person and it feels FREAKING AWESOME. Even when I was thin I never felt this good about myself. It is funny how self esteem has so many different sources and the number on a scale really has so little to do with it for me. I catch myself posing in the mirror and smiling to myself about how different I look. It surprises me how good I feel about the changes. In the past I used to focus so much on how far I have left to go and I do think about it now sometimes. I am close to losing 70 pounds and sometimes I think how can I still have another 100 to go but those thoughts are so few and far between. Today I am rocking elliptical girl and I love it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TREESA57 10/19/2010 1:49PM

    This is just way toooooo coooool!!!!!

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SLEEKKITTY 10/18/2010 12:50AM

    Good work, girl.

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IMREITE 10/17/2010 1:52AM

    it's always great when you can keep going. i liked to "compete" with people at the gym. i didn't like people thinking that because of my size i wasn't capable of keeping up. i shocked them!

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MOMMABETH17 10/15/2010 3:08PM

    Nice work!! Keep it up!

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L*I*T*A* 10/12/2010 10:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VIVIANCAO 10/12/2010 5:18AM

    i loved this! congrats on your progress thus far, and keep going!

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WISTERIALODGE 10/11/2010 3:41PM

  I may not be one of those people YET, but I do have a reputation at the gym for my 3 hour workouts!

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DREENAMT 10/11/2010 1:40PM

    Hey that's REALLY amazing. Way to go! I think this is a truly inspirational achievement!

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CUBBYMAMMA 10/11/2010 11:34AM

    LOVE THIS!! I had to read it when I saw the title of your blog. Awesome and WAY TO GO!!!

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EMMANYC 10/10/2010 12:39PM

    Kudos to you! But I'd also like express my appreciation to people like the gym guy who take the time to give a compliment - to recognize when we are working hard and accomplishing something. It's so easy not to speak up and yet you can make someone's day when you do. So, the next time you're at the gym, or out on the street, tell someone who you see doing something healthy for themselves - whether it's working out or buying a healthy meal - that you admire what they're doing. What goes around comes around.

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NITELITE72 10/10/2010 10:16AM

    emoticon

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WCSTATEN 10/10/2010 10:02AM

  WooHoo!!!!

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SHAPNUP 10/10/2010 7:54AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MASE72 10/10/2010 7:13AM

    emoticon Blog!

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COLORMESMALLER 10/10/2010 1:54AM

    I love this blog emoticon

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TAMNTN 10/10/2010 12:35AM

    AWESOME! That will keep spurring you on to where you want to be! Keep it up! :)

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AFWWTX 10/9/2010 11:24PM

    emoticon

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FOURTHWALL2000 10/9/2010 9:40PM

    This is the first time I ever read about someone acknowledging that sort of behavior. I kind of do it too (in my head) but it's usually when people are using the weight machines and I want to say "you're doing it wrong AND you're not impressing anyone".

I work out at the Y so there are all walks of life working out there. So usually I'm pretty comfortable just doing what I can do and not thinking about it too much. The other day though, there were a couple of teenage boys doing the circuit training at the same time I was. I had my earbuds in but I only use them on the treadmill, not when I'm lifting.

I saw them snickering and then noticed that they were jumping on each machine right after I did to see if they could lift what I was lifting. Before you think I'm paranoid, I did overhear them say some not very nice things about me and to confirm it I jumped around in the sequence and they followed.

Sooooo.... I decided to be devious. I would finish my set and when I knew they weren't looking, I'd move the pin to three blocks higher than what I had actually lifted. I was a little ashamed of myself for being so juvenile, but the gratification of seeing their confusion when they couldn't lift what "that fat lady" had lifted trumped it.

hee hee hee.

... I really need to grow up.

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RAEB84 10/9/2010 9:10PM

    Possibly my favorite story of the gym EVER. Congrats on being one of those people!

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MEJANE635 10/9/2010 8:19PM

  A (cute) guy at the gym stopped me this summer to ask if I ran everyday and express that he was impressed -- I have never had an easier run!!!! Awesome job!!

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SLIMMER58 10/9/2010 7:24PM

  Go elliptical girl! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KRISTEVEN1 10/9/2010 5:37PM

    I love this!!! You will continue to be "one of those people..."!!
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CINDERELLA_MAN 10/9/2010 5:27PM

    emoticon

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COCOAMARIA 10/9/2010 5:20PM

    Love this blog keep it up!

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ESTHER2175 10/9/2010 5:13PM

    Love this blog!!! I want to work up to be "one of those people". Absolutely awesome!!! Congrats on being the done girl!!! emoticon

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PRINCESSLSH 10/9/2010 3:55PM

    Congratulations on your weight loss so far. You're definitely an inspiration.

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BIGMAMAT 10/9/2010 3:18PM

    I am really happy for you hon! Rock on!! Woohoo! emoticon

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GINGERVISTA 10/9/2010 1:24PM

    Utterly emoticon

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FISHING88 10/9/2010 11:51AM

    Awesome! I bet your workout time just flew by with these entertaining thoughts going on in your head! You are obviously on your way to your goals. Keep it up!

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1WALKINGMAN 10/9/2010 9:39AM

    That is emoticonKeep on keeping on! emoticon

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MONIKKI 10/9/2010 9:39AM

    I love it! You go girl! Show them what you're made of

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RRP546 10/9/2010 9:35AM

  good feeling i know when that 95 year old lady says i quit to me i feel good too

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SEJULY 10/9/2010 9:27AM

  You won the elliptical race. That made me laugh!
Keep up the great work. Stay healthy.
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STORMIE62 10/9/2010 9:12AM

    You Go Girl... Yes You are one of those people that inspires the rest of us and don't let anyone stop you.

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JIBBIE49 10/9/2010 1:09AM

    emoticonGreat to see you blog FEATURED. emoticon What an honor!!

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BTRFLY08 10/9/2010 12:17AM

    Awesome! Keep it up!!

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RUBYSCLEW 10/8/2010 7:37PM

    very exciting. Great Job.

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KARLAMG86 10/8/2010 4:27PM

    This is awesome to me. Not only because you're obviously fit and fabulous (which you are and woohoo for that!!) but because you kicked a BOY's butt. Boy, man, guy, whatever. I love any time they have their tushies handed to them by the "weaker sex!"

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GOING-STRONG 10/8/2010 3:18PM

    Spark on Girl! You Rock!

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FINDING_LOUISA 10/8/2010 3:13PM

    Very cool!

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OCEAN7 10/8/2010 2:58PM

    Good job!

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HARMONB1 10/8/2010 1:31PM

    Oh god - I'm so guilty of doing this during my zumba class - there's this one thin lady that's always in my eye line - I always have a little gloat when she has to take a break and I'm able to keep going...horrible I know! But hey...if it helps you lose weight...

Congrats to you!!

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CHRIS7185 10/8/2010 12:58PM

  wow..great accomplishment...I love when people comment on how hard I work at the gym. It is the best motivator!

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QUOOTIE 10/8/2010 12:46PM

    Your story made me so proud and I don't even know you. Keep it up.

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KIGGANSJ 10/8/2010 12:14PM

    Totally awesome. It am still stunned when I receive any kind of compliment because i feel like i still have a long way to go, but they make me feel great. This morning a co-worker used the work muscular and I felt fantastic, after getting over the shock. Keep it up. I love my elliptical too!!

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DESTINEDTOBFIT 10/8/2010 11:59AM

  AWESOME!!! You must have skipped all the way to your car!
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EMSJOURNEY 10/8/2010 10:53AM

    VERY COOL! imagine what 70 pounds of flour looks like... you've lost 14 bags of flour!! AWESOME! =)

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PINKAMBER18 10/8/2010 10:39AM

    I joined a gym this past Tuesday. I also LOVE the elliptical, and can move on it! Way to go my friend! You are awesome!

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SBEAR5 10/8/2010 10:20AM

    That's awesome! WTG!

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LEMOOK 10/8/2010 9:50AM

    That's awesome. The Elliptical was the first machine that I dared to try when I first started exercising at the gym. I still enjoy it and I "rock out" too when I use it!
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I beat my craving into submission

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Friday afternoon quite frankly sucked. My boss is one of those people that has huge mood swings and takes them out on everyone. Apparently, according to her, I am too sensitive because when she talks to me rude and sarcastic that offends me. She was on one of her tirades that afternoon and even though it wasn't directed at me, and very rarely is, it makes the office a really unhappy place for everyone. When I left she had me stressed out to point of wanting to binge eat. It upset me because I haven't felt like that in a long time. When I get like that I eat sugary foods, like ice cream or cake, and I hide.
SO, I went to the gym. I knew in my heart eating was not the solution or the person I want to be anymore. My new obsession is the elliptical trainer and I got on it and 50 minutes later the cravings were gone. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED. Not only were the cravings gone but my self esteem sky rocketed. It made me realize that I am living the healthy life that I set out to live and I am not doing it for just weight loss but because I actually like it. I literally think about the elliptical machine. Never before have I worked out for my health. It was working out for a number on a scale. Even when I retained close to 5 lbs of water weight over the week because I upped my workout I didn't completely freak out and give up. I pushed through. I am really proud of myself. So today when I left the gym I bought myself a bitchin pair of 4" black snackskin pattern peep-toe pumps. They are freakin hot. I tried to take a pic of them but it is hard to take pics of your own feet lol so I will ask the man tomorrow.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIKISLOVE2 10/8/2010 11:50PM

    I think that is awesome!, and you have given me some inspiration to do just that when I am stressed. I was upset because I didn't lose any weight this week. Even though I didn't gain any, I was disappointed. I am at the very beginning of my journey, so I look to lose something every week. I almost gave up today, and almost started bing eating, was depressed for a minute. Next time, the Zumba dvd will be my ticket out of stres. Thanks again!

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DIVADOLL73 10/8/2010 1:28PM

    Keep on kicking butt!!! And you can wear those heels proudly, binge eating is a difficult, but a rewarding challenge to conquer. YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/8/2010 1:29:29 PM

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DESTINEDTOBFIT 10/8/2010 12:05PM

  Boy will I be glad when I am no longer tempted to binge, or when it occurs less and less often. But you sure have given me some hope today. I hope you get stares and compliments every single time you wear those hot boots, and it makes you smile even harder because you know from whence they came. Keep up the great work!!!
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JMARIES51 10/8/2010 1:02AM

    It's impossible that we work in the same place. I haven't ever seen you there, but I sure have seen your boss lady. Yes, she has an evil twin lurking at my work place. The day can be going along just fine and then something sets her off, and watch out. I also have had that feeling of wanting to grab the emotionally comforting foods, but darn it, she just isn't worth throwing away my good health.

The shoes sounds like a great idea. And of of course exercise is always a good thing. I do a lot of deflecting my feelings with sarcasm. It is terribly passive/aggressive, but at least I still have a job and haven't given in to the binges.

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GLEORIA 10/7/2010 8:39PM

    You wear those heels with pride! Thank you for sharing.

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NANHBH 10/7/2010 1:36AM

    Ash,

I love the way you write! I read this blog after the ROCKING ELLIPTICAL GIRL blog. Now, aren't you glad that you took to the elliptical machine when your boss stressed you out instead of turning to sugar? You never would have become ROCKING ELLIPTICAL GIRL!

Be cool,
Nancy

PS - Where's the picture of the shoes?

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NURSEKELLY09 10/4/2010 9:40PM

    Wow, great work! Isn't it an amazing feeling when you can beat out a craving, and to do it with exercise to boot! You are in inspiration! Keep up the good work!!

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JO2TOM 10/4/2010 7:28PM

    Wow. Keep up the good work. I am finally starting to want to go to the gym...which is a lot better than not. It is hard sometimes to get my weight training in, since I really can't do it on the days I work (12-hour shifts- intensive care). So I do cardio on those days if I am not dead, and then plan the weight training out about 2-3 weeks so that I know when I have to go if I want to keep it up.
Your boss sounds kind of crazy!!! Hope she doesn't maek you crazy too often. emoticon

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MAIA2011 10/4/2010 12:42PM

    You should be proud! That is an awesome achievement! You are kicking butt and taking names!

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Also, why do a^&holes always think other people are being sensitive? WHATEVER!
It's super cool that you're better than that.

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DAVISMDAWN 10/4/2010 10:51AM

    You freaking rocked it girl! Take that freakin binge eating! You are out of here!

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GIANTMICROBE 10/4/2010 8:39AM

    Tell 'em how it's done, Ashley!

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MRSSIBRAT 10/4/2010 7:00AM

    woohooo can't wait to see pics of those shoes!!! I am proud of you!!!

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KATHLOW 10/4/2010 3:38AM

    good for you! I am so proud of you for not givin in to something that would have made you frankly miserable! Now to follow your example :-)

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KATHLOW 10/4/2010 3:38AM

    good for you! I am so proud of you for not givin in to something that would have made you frankly miserable! Now to follow your example :-)

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KATHLOW 10/4/2010 3:37AM

    good for you! I am so proud of you for not givin in to something that would have made you frankly miserable! Now to follow your example :-)

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SWELL10 10/3/2010 10:32PM

    Isn't it amazing. Exercise has kept me sane during my recent breakup. It's become my go-to thing. Who'd of thunk it??? emoticon

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HOPERISING 10/3/2010 9:40PM

    You are such an inspiration, girl. Keep it up, and enjoy those shoes. ::sigh:: I wish I could wear girly shoes!

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MADEMCHE 10/3/2010 9:37PM

    Way to go Ash! That is awesome! Can't wait to see the shoes! So proud of you fro beating the crazing!

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LBEEKMA 10/3/2010 9:23PM

    Woohoo for you! Don't let HER bring you down! Congrats on rockin the elliptical when others try to rock your world! (a new pair of shoes is the perfect cure!) :]

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REM-CYCLES 10/3/2010 9:15PM

    You found a great tactic :) Great going :)

My wife has given me some good tips for those killer cravings - and it's nice when we can ignore the food screaming at us.

Great work!

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AMOHAME2 10/3/2010 8:35PM

    Amazing! You've come so far and you absolutely deserve a pair of sexy new shoes!! I hope the elliptical continues to be a great remedy for your cravings!

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PERFECTVELVET 10/3/2010 8:34PM

    emoticon
You win a trophy for that attitude!

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CUATROMOMMY 10/3/2010 8:34PM

    Good job. The elliptical has become my new bff too.

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LUCKYDOGFARM 10/3/2010 8:29PM

    Ashley, that is wonderful! one of these days, i hope to NOT cave in to the craving! and the shoes! woohoo, i can hardly wait to see them!

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WOMANCHEF 10/3/2010 8:28PM

    Great job getting through the cravings with exercise! And a pair of rockin heels - you go girl!!!

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KJDOESLIFE 10/3/2010 8:24PM

    Great job! Working out is an exellent deterrent to munching or overeating. When you just worked that hard you realize it isn't worth the calories!!

Can't wait to see the shoes!

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BADASSBLONDIE 10/3/2010 8:23PM

    You're inspiring, doll! Way to go!!!

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UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 10/3/2010 8:23PM

    Way to go!! Working out frustrations is pretty awesome, isn't it? Good for you. You've got to be proud!
and I can't wait for the pictures..The shoes sound amazing. I looooove heels. emoticon

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KARENIN1DERLAND 10/3/2010 8:19PM

    Awesome job girl!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/3/2010 8:15PM

    That's fantastic love... just another victory in your journey!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Letting go of the fat girl

Friday, October 01, 2010

I don't really remember a time when I felt good about what my body looked like. Even in high school when I played 3 varsity sports and worked out 2+ hours a day 6 days a week I never felt small, delicate or thin. When I look back at those pictures it makes me sad that I never appreciated how beautiful I was or how I looked. I still remember the sting of boys I liked not wanting to date me because I was "fat". How is a woman who is 5'10" and a D cup in middle school supposed to look?? At 18 I went to therapy and she told me that my eating was a result of needing to be in control. I grew up in a house with a lot of abuse and VERY controlling parents and she said eating was the only thing they couldn't stop me from doing.
I have held on to this baggage for so long. Three days before my senior year of high school I got into a head on collision that resulted in 2 ruptured discs in the lumbar region of my spine and I was in a back brace for 6 months. This was the beginning with a 60 lb weight gain and my spiral into 14 years of hating my body. Last night when I was blogging I realized something. I am finally letting the fat girl go.
I don't need her anymore. She doesn't make me happy, she doesn't contribute to my life now in a positive way and I don't need the security blanket anymore. Who cares what I USED to be?? Life is here and now and everyday coming forward. A coworker unexpectedly lost his mother in law last night and it made me think "Why am I letting the past control my now?". So I say to you and to myself. LET GO OF THE FAT GIRL!
You are not her anymore. You are a woman who is taking control of her health, her nutrition and her life. Our lives are what we MAKE THEM. Sitting at the computer and whining about how we are miserable and can't lose weight may be mentally therapeutic but it is the action that you take that will change this for you. I have said it before "it is a choice". Everyday when you get up it is a choice to eat a healthy breakfast, to dodge the box of donuts, to skip the 300th office birthday cake of the year but in the end the rewards are worth it. Yes, it is hard but I can tell you getting my life back as the rewards pays triple dividends. So here I go, from today I am no longer Ashley, I used to be so fat. I am just Ashley, health nut, work out freak, cardio bunny (thanks Paula) and new clothes whore. Make it Happen.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETHIE_BOO 11/1/2010 11:28AM

    NEWGMP329- you and me both! I look back at pics from high school, and wish I had known how beautiful I was.

But this fat girl here, she's gotta go. Maybe she can hitch a ride with your fat girl, Ashley! Thanks for posting!

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NEWGMP329 10/11/2010 4:19PM

    emoticon

I thought you were writing about me in those first few sentences!
I desperately need to "let go of my fat girl" - thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling for so long.

Good luck on your continued journey!


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GEMINIGEM6 10/11/2010 2:41PM

    God I love this blog!!! Go girl!! I'm with you!! Wow!

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SUSIEWHITE1109 10/11/2010 10:36AM

    This is an absolutely awesome blog!! Thank you so much for sharing your story -- I'm letting go of the fat girl too!! You are so right...she does NOTHING for us!!

emoticon emoticon Have a terrific day!!

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JAX1457 10/10/2010 8:10AM

  emoticon

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GAMOMMY3 10/9/2010 7:34PM

    Beautifully said.

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KAREN42BOYS 10/9/2010 10:43AM

    a beautiful post about you really learning to be transformed.

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DIVADOLL73 10/8/2010 1:45PM

    All I can say is YOU ROCK GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon

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NOMOEXCUSES13 10/8/2010 1:07AM

    Inspiration at its best.....hope to one day release my fat girl!!!

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SPARKANN 10/7/2010 10:36PM

    Wonderful! Thank you!


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POLLKAT 10/7/2010 9:43AM

    Good job. We do deserve to be good to ourselves and think positive of ourselves. Sometimes it takes some effort, but the better we treat ourselves, the better we do. Keep up the great work you are doing.

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NANHBH 10/7/2010 1:39AM

    "I am just Ashley, health nut, work out freak, cardio bunny (thanks Paula) and new clothes whore."

And add to that "ROCKING ELLIPTICAL GIRL!"

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ALFALLY 10/7/2010 12:34AM

  so inspiring!

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MOBEANZ 10/6/2010 8:35PM

    Your blog is another step towards me letting go of the fat girl. I still think of myself as big. Someone will refer to me as "little" and before I can stop it, I say "no i'm not". In Zumba sometimes I don't recognize myself when I glance at myself in the mirror. I catch myself getting changed and look at myself and try to accept it's me and I still have a hard time. I've lost 55 pounds and still don't see myself as smaller. But reading this shows I'm not alone and I hope I can get to the point you are at.

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BEMAGICAL 10/6/2010 6:53PM

  emoticon i'd like to add you as emoticon

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ROSIEP7 10/6/2010 2:20PM

    Great blog! When I left home at 18 to go to university it's fair to say I had a lot of 'baggage'. I also didn't have the perspective to understand that it was the sum of lots of things, some just typical teenage stuff, some justified, and so my baggage was a huge great steamer trunk that I dragged around with me.

After a while I started thinking of the things I carried as separate bits of luggage - large suitcases, some boxes and some little pieces. Each had an expiration date in my head - I could continue to be upset about whatever was in them until that point, but then I had to leave them behind.

I decided nothing that had happened before had to define me forever, and I got to choose how long I was going to let it.

But then again, I'm English and have a weird way of looking at things.....



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DBFBILLY 10/6/2010 12:00PM

    Totally awesome blogs..I'm adding you as a emoticon and I can tell I have a lot to learn from you..

Thanks emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAZZYONE53 10/6/2010 8:39AM

    emoticon

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CJAC24 10/5/2010 5:51PM

  hi i find it really hard. i am not fat but i feel fat. kind of like how you described. i feel i am in the same situation but never thought of it like that - with my parents. i guess i feel out of control - and i also had an illness. i guess i have been eating to feel better because it is the one thing i can control and it feels like the only thing i have. sad i know. i hope i can turn around my attitude to match yours at some point.

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MELLYBEANS0919 10/5/2010 3:09PM

    You are SO inspiring. Love your blogs. I am going to add you as a friend if that is ok!

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BABBELINGBHELL 10/4/2010 11:11AM

    you rock!!!! wow letting go of the fat girl is something ive been trying to do because all she does is bring me down... amazing and inspiring thank you for sharing!!!

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KLASSIE 10/3/2010 10:20PM

    Bravo!! You recognize what it takes and you're doing something about it. Remember why you're working hard and do it for you. Congratulations on your decision to be healthy for you.

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BELLALUCIA 10/3/2010 5:57PM

    Great blog! It comforted me!

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POOKAQUEEN 10/2/2010 9:43AM

    A beautiful blog. You inspired me and I'm going to borrow your words to inspire a friend who needs to hear them.
I totally love the ending. You are an awesome person and a great inspiration.

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LUCKYDOGFARM 10/2/2010 1:17AM

    Yay Ashley! Love that Attitude!!!

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MAMADWARF 10/1/2010 5:41PM

    Aww ashley, you are so totally the bomb. Loved this blog, love the changes, love the attitude. Love what you said about being Just ashley, not ashley who used to be so fat. I love that. I love you! most popular blog award coming up!!

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JENN26POINT2 10/1/2010 4:28PM

    I FREAKING LOVE IT!! This is the best: So here I go, from today I am no longer Ashley, I used to be so fat. I am just Ashley, health nut, work out freak, cardio bunny (thanks Paula) and new clothes whore. Make it Happen.

I said it in another one of your blogs, but it bears saying again... You freaking RAWK girl! You motivate and inspire me daily! :)

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MECHANGEL 10/1/2010 1:55PM

    Great blog, very inspiring!

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STEPH_MORRIS 10/1/2010 1:28PM

    yet another amazingly inspiring blog from you, Ashley. There are no other words to explain how much you just made my day.

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SMOCKON 10/1/2010 1:25PM

    I am so proud of you!

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PAMATX 10/1/2010 1:22PM

    I can relate to not appreciating our beauty. Such a shame. I love this: "So here I go, from today I am no longer Ashley, I used to be so fat. I am just Ashley, health nut, work out freak, cardio bunny (thanks Paula) and new clothes whore."

You go, sister cardio bunny clothes whore!!



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HEALTHYFIGHTER 10/1/2010 1:10PM

    Rock on girl! That's right!

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MAIA2011 10/1/2010 1:01PM

    You go, new clothes whore!

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MCSNYDER1 10/1/2010 12:53PM

    Very motivating blog, Ash! Thanks for posting it! You're right--every day we can choose---choose to be happy, choose to be productive, choose to NOT eat that cake, choose to get off our butts and move!
I've said it before, and I'll say it again! I am delighted with the change I am seeing in you! Your positive outlook is contagious! Thanks for being my friend!

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BROOKDOESLIFE 10/1/2010 12:31PM

    First off, way to go! That is a huge accomplishment just to not feel the jealousy of your sister anymore. I struggle with the EXACT same thing. My sister has always been skinny and pretty. My Mom made food a huge issue and controlled me in that way and is still trying to control me with food to this day. I can just so relate to all of this and glad to see that you are working through your issues and moving on.
This is truly awesome!

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 10/1/2010 11:57AM

    Love it. You are emoticon

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SNAPPY_MOM 10/1/2010 11:15AM

    Great Job! I think the mental aspect of weight loss is the hardest part. Embrace the new you! emoticon

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BETHV10 10/1/2010 11:02AM

    Love your positive attitude. emoticon

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RONIREDD 10/1/2010 10:55AM

    You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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KARLYNCANDOIT 10/1/2010 10:45AM

    Great blog! Just what I needed to hear today!!

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FUZZY1TOO 10/1/2010 10:44AM

    Cardio Bunny.....I LOVE IT! Does that mean we all have to wear bunny ears and tails while we work out? Hmmmmmm, I think I could do that.....in purple? lol
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Good for you to recognize those psycho-emotional changes that you have gone through. I'm proud of you. Sometimes those are the hardest to face, accept and embrace.
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Let's keep going on this journey and gear up for a 'Grand Re-opening' next year, eh?
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MADEMCHE 10/1/2010 10:08AM

    Love it Ash! You so deserve this. I am so proud of you. And inspired.

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LITTLEONEJLC 10/1/2010 9:38AM

    Your words are encouraging to me - thanks. I have been having a stressful week. I started feeling like, "I don't know if I can do this." and started falling into my old ways of turning towards food for comfort. But you are right. It is a choice. It is MY choice. So I need to choose to make good choices, and not fall into old traps. The past is the past. I don't need to let history repeat itself. The choice is mine.

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BTINTERNET 10/1/2010 9:27AM

    Most definitely!!!

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SASSYSUNFLOWER 10/1/2010 9:20AM

    WAY TO GO!!!!..Wonderful words! I am right there along with you! Have a great day emoticon

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KATHLOW 10/1/2010 8:42AM

    yeah! couldn't agree with you more (or be happier for you!). Love the new clothes whore:-)

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SASSACAIA 10/1/2010 8:20AM

    You go, girl! I love this positive attitude! I can just feel the power coming through your words! With that kind of attitude, you can conquer anything!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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You look so young

Thursday, September 30, 2010

That is what the no more than 20 year old cashier said to me when she checked my ID while I was buying beer for my fianc. I smiled and said "thanks, you just made my day". She kept staring at me and said "I am sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I am shocked you were born in 77". Since I am working on taking compliments I told her I was thrilled and I took it as a compliment and thanks. She proceeded to chatter about my manicure and some other girl small talk and it hit me. I have been accepted back into the girls club. If you have never been really big, you probably don't know this, but when you get to a certain size people look through you. Other women do not treat you like one of them. They don't talk about girly things with you like your bag or your manicure. I have honestly never felt very feminine. Even though I love clothes, bags, and shoes I always feel like I am in a costume when I try to wear certain things. I look at girls with flawless makeup and hair and I don't really understand how they can look so perfect.
Anyway, today she treated me like a real girly girl and since kids that age are extremely egocentric it made me feel good. All this work I have been doing to take care of myself is clearly working. I made a vow to myself that I will not wear any clothes that don't make me feel hot, even workout clothes which can also be cute. I have been making sure to give myself time to do my hair and makeup and I really feel like it is helping my self esteem enormously.
My skin looks the best it has in ten years and I really believe it is due to my improved nutrition and all the water I am drinking. Even when I am tired I don't look anything like I used too. I am starting to forget the fat girl which I never thought would happen. I don't need her anymore. There is nothing left to shelter or to hang onto. This life is here for good and I am SO happy about it. Maybe we have all discovered the fountain of youth!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANHBH 10/7/2010 1:41AM

    You DO look young!

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LUV4CHOCOLATE 10/2/2010 7:04PM

    You deserve the compliments! Great job.

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UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 10/1/2010 9:39PM

    I'm with you about looking cute at the gym. I like my stuff to look coordinated and match well...Otherwise, I feel slobbish and less motivated.
I also like that you have made it a goal to look hot. :) That's awesome. good for you!!
Hottie!!
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CARILOUIE 10/1/2010 6:06PM

    I totally get this blog. I love having people compliment my nails and clothes, like I'm part of some Club.
I like your idea of never leaving the house without feeling hot... there is no reason to hide in frumpy dumpy stuff.
WE ARE HOT!!!!!!!!

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RUNTRILAUGH 10/1/2010 4:19PM

    Sad commentary on the way people are, but very happy for the way you feel today!

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JENN26POINT2 10/1/2010 4:14PM

    What a wonderful story! I also don't feel very feminine, but it is starting to surface. I don't see myself snatching up the make-up anytime soon b/c I feel like I am more of the athletic type with a tendency to wear jogging shorts and tees over tight jeans and scoop neck shirts, but I do feel more "like" a girl than I did before. :) You're doing great and inspiring me every day!

Kudos on the awesome compliment! ;)

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MAIA2011 10/1/2010 12:58PM

    What a great blog! I am so happy for you!

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CARMINACG 10/1/2010 10:13AM

    Hey you know what I totally hear you! I found once I dropped weight, strangers were more polite to me. I would be approached by people randomly for small chit chat. Maybe I looked more approachable, happy, relaxed...I dont really know.

But one thing I can contest to is - defintiley take the time each day to make yourself feel cute, put together, pretty...etc. I find it helps excude the confidence I know I have and have burried for 'alot' of reasons.

When you are feeling at your best, you are able to postively put yourself out there to talk to people, meet new aquaintances, and show those around you, you are happy with yourself, and worth getting to know! :)

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HOPERISING 10/1/2010 9:17AM

    Woot! Thats you: Young, sexy and confident!

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 10/1/2010 8:54AM

    Who knew that hydrating, eating well, and some exercise was all we needed to look young?

Keep enjoying those compliments!!!

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SPOOKYTHECAT 10/1/2010 8:19AM

    Congrats! & I agree about work-out clothes~ having a cute , pulled together work-out outfit makes me more motivated at the gym!

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COOKWITHME65 10/1/2010 6:12AM

    Its only going to get better Ashley. All your hard work is paying off. You must be beaming.

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KATHLOW 10/1/2010 3:33AM

    wow, people seem to notice you left and right! Send sme of that youthfulness my way :-)

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TRACYZABELLE 10/1/2010 1:07AM

    emoticon

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BTINTERNET 9/30/2010 10:12PM

    Excellent! You've been doing great with people noticing lately!!!

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LEANNROCKS 9/30/2010 8:59PM

    Yes Ma'am - you said it! How sad that we still get judged by how we look instead of what is inside.

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LUCKYDOGFARM 9/30/2010 8:55PM

    Miss Ashley, that is so wonderful! i know exactly what you are talking about, wearing only stuff that makes you feel sexy. since i have started losing weight, i try to only go in public if i am dresses properly. tired of going to town in my farmer clothes. it is nice being noticed again! especially since i turned 50 this year~! not that 50 is so bad, but fat and 49, it really sucked!

Keep up the AWESOME job!

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2FUN2B_LAZY 9/30/2010 8:32PM

    I feel the same way about being back in the "girl club", but I think it is more because I have more confidence! I think people felt like they can step all over me, which they could because I had low confidence. Now, I feel like I'm part of things and it makes me feel much better!

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POOKAQUEEN 9/30/2010 8:31PM

    Awesome! Congrats!

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FIZZYBALL 9/30/2010 8:30PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MCSNYDER1 9/30/2010 8:28PM

    You're hard work is paying off!!! Woo-Hoo!!!!!!

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ELLABELLE66 9/30/2010 8:09PM

    What a wonderful compliment - I am sooo happy for you! GO GIRL!!!

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CREATINGJES 9/30/2010 8:02PM

    I love that feeling :)

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 9/30/2010 7:44PM

    I am so happy for you, but I'm convinced most people remain egocentric their entire lives :) I think that's part of the deal, we are supposed to feel good about ourselves. It's fun rediscovering it!

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YOUNGNSMYLIE 9/30/2010 7:34PM

    Great blog, and congrats! It's terrible that women -and men- "look through" bigger women, but it does happen, and it is very hurtful. Enjoy being happy, healthy, and beautiful! emoticon

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STEPHANIE0982 9/30/2010 7:32PM

    I love that feeling - when someone notices something small - when it hasn't happened in awhile it can feel like the biggest thing in the world!

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MADEMCHE 9/30/2010 7:29PM

    That is awesome Ash! So happy for you! And good work on accepting the compliments, I know how hard it can be sometimes. You are amazing, and I am so happy that other people are seeing that too!

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