Monday, September 06, 2010
I wrote a blog a month or so ago about the joys of my first shopping trip that I have enjoyed in recent memory. Clothes fit, no tears, it was pretty awesome. My second attempt at shopping, not so much. I went to Kohl's and I have to tell you the inferior quality of the clothing really does impact how everything fits. I felt like an obese freak in everything. The clothes just hung horribly. Just 2 months ago I would have left there in tears, a self defeated mess convinced I was too fat to ever buy normal clothing.
I sell catering which also means I am a party planner. Looks are very important in my line of work. I made a decision this past week that I will just buy nicer clothing but less pieces so that I can still look sharp without going broke. At first I wasn't going down in size very frequently but this past weekend my hunny and I decided to hit the labor day sales. My clothes have gotten so big that some are just literally falling off and belting them makes me look ridiculous. I had to face the fact that I desperately need some new items. Would you want to buy a 40K wedding from someone who looked like a hot mess? I wouldn't. So off to Lane Bryant we went. I have a love hate relationship with the good old LB. See I hate her because I feel like she is a symbol of being too fat to shop in an average store but I like her because the quality is generally good and I can find basic pieces there that are less golden girls than say Macy's. I did some window shopping on the website before hand so I could see what I was looking for. There was this really elegant black dress that is still sexy but work appropriate but still could be used in my personal life that I loved.
I still have that syndrome where I automatically grab a 28 off the rack even though I am not even close to that size. I wish my mind would catch up with my body a little faster. The biggest size they had was an 18/20. I turned to walk away and then I thought "what do I have to lose? It might fit". I grabbed it and other shirt dress I liked as well as a few sweaters and some dress pants. I tackled the dress I wanted first. I took a deep breath and pulled it over my head and guess what? IT FIT! Not only did it fit but it looking FLIPPING AWESOME. I froze and just stared at myself in the mirror. This is again the smallest size I have purchase in my whole adult life. Picture me break dancing in the dressing room. I am still in shock over it. A size that is in the teens! Woot woot. I went out of the dressing room to show the man who was dutifully sitting in his man chair and his eyes lit up. Even the girl in the next dressing room stared at me in envy and yup I loved it. I wouldn't have cared if anything else fit that day. That dress makes me feel so gorgeous. As luck would have it almost everything fit that day.
The best thing I realized on this trip is that now instead of beating myself up when something doesn't fit I shrug it off and think it just isn't right for my body shape. That has never happened before. The first item that didn't fit would be reason for me to give up entirely and berate myself for days. I feel so free. Free of self doubt, self hate, so many of my neurosis. It makes this all so worth it!
After that we did some shopping for him at Macy's. He got this great new cologne by Chanel called Bleu. If your men like cologne's check it out. It is tres sexy.
Then we headed over to Old Navy where the next most awesome thing ever happened. I wanted to try these really cute casual boots I saw on their website but I am weird about how boots fit on my calf. I don't like the stuffed sausage look. The boots fit great and my calves are definitely smaller. Score. On the way out I saw these adorable sweater and it was so soft. I touched it longingly, I am totally a tactile shopper, and started to walk away. Then I stopped and thought "why am I always willing to doubt myself?" I pulled out the biggest size and held it up to me. I knew it would fit. Already tired of shopping I decided I could return it if I didn't like it. My fiance, bless his heart, was convinced it would be too big. See why I love this man so much? When I got up to pay I won a ten dollar off my order coupon, score, so I had a pretty rocking day. When I got home and tried on the sweater it fit perfect. I BOUGHT MY FIRST SHIRT IN AN AVERAGE STORE. Granted it is a 2XL but screw the nitpicking. I bought it damn it and it looks so cute. Old Navy does not sell plus size in the store, only online, and there is no W after the size so it is average size clothing. Every little victory like this keeps me going. Woohooooooo. This journey is freakin awesome.