HEALTHYASHLEY   20,877
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HEALTHYASHLEY's Recent Blog Entries

Taking the stairs

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I went to the bookstore today to look at different cookbooks to get ideas for the blog series I plan to write. I love to cook and I love different ethnic foods. We decided to significantly cut back on eating out for a few reasons. Financially, we are saving for a house and a wedding and eating out is an easy luxury to cut out. Health, we are both watching what we eat now (you have no idea how happy it makes me to see him eating better too!) and we can't control all the fat/sodium/ calories in the food. Lastly, we both are awesome cooks, he cooks professionally, so we are challenging ourselves to improve our cooking skills and enjoy our awesome apartment by eating at home.
Today when I went into the store I headed towards the bargain cooking section because who doesn't love an awesome cookbook for 60% off. After I snagged a Tapas book that has my favorite scallops in saffron recipe that I thought would be a good recipe to work on lightening, I headed up to the second level to the cookbook section. When I got the escalator I automatically headed over and took the stairs. As I reached the top I smiled to myself because I realized that I really have made permanent changes in my life. At my biggest weight I moved as little as possible. Seriously, I parked as close to the door as I could. Waited for the elevator. My knees hurt so much that I had to take the stairs one at a time. I was embarrassed if anyone else was around. That was when I finally admitted to myself I needed to deal with my weight. Permanently. I really didn't want a knee replacement by the time I hit my mid-30's.
Now I can run up the stairs. It is like regaining my life. When I look at people with disabilities I realize how I am wasting the gift I have of a working body. How selfish of me to take it for granted.
From this day forward I am going to keep taking the stairs.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEISENUF 8/30/2010 10:54PM

    Good for you! You have come a long way. Kuddos to you and your fiance for cooking healthy meals together. My hubs and I cook almost all our meals at home now. Homemade food just tastes so much better and like you said you can control what goes in it.

Happy Cooking!
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LINDAGRAVEL 8/30/2010 8:58PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JUST_SIMONE 8/30/2010 8:42PM

    Good for you and your fiance! My boyfriend and I are doing the same thing in terms of food. It definitely helps save money we we don't have, but the number one reason is health and feeling good. My boyfriend has had the pleasure of eating my healthy meals and has also noticed the difference in how he feels eating at home for a week compared to how he feels after a week of fast food (he's definitely a fast food junkie at heart).

As for the stairs, that's fanstastic! I often take the *one* flight of stairs up to my office, while my co-workers complain that I'm too finess oriented and choose to take the elevator and "make fun" of me. It's all in good spirits, no hurt feelings, but I think they make fun of me to help themselves feel better about taking the elevator.

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FIZZYBALL 8/30/2010 8:33PM

    wow... emoticon I am forcing myself to go up stairs on work at least twice a day even if I dont need to go up.

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JENN26POINT2 8/30/2010 11:30AM

    Good for you!!

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KISSIMS19 8/30/2010 10:45AM

    Great blog post! I can't wait to read your new blog!!! My boyfriend and I are trying to cook more as well...

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SEESTARS 8/30/2010 10:29AM

    emoticon

That is so aweseom. I'm really looking forward to seeing your cooking blog.

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VITASANA 8/30/2010 8:52AM

    Happy for you!! emoticon You go girl!! emoticon

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VTORIA3 8/30/2010 8:06AM

    The stairs! emoticon emoticon

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KATHLOW 8/30/2010 4:07AM

    So grat! that must have felt so good....and I love tapas, If you see any vegetarian recpes, head em my way :-)

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CUATROMOMMY 8/29/2010 9:56PM

    All of this is awesome...cooking at home...saving money...and having such strength.

I'm having a ton of knee pain right now that I've never had until recently...it really sucks. I'm so glad to hear that it goes away. I keep getting reassured that it passes as I exercise and lose weight. I just can't wait for it to go away.

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HEALTHYONE2008 8/29/2010 9:41PM

    great job on making changes mind wise and health wise. Looking forward to the food bogs

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KJDOESLIFE 8/29/2010 8:07PM

    Great job! I look forward to the food blogs because I'm not a terrible cook but am not very good at modifying recipes to be healthier (without them being gross anyway)!

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BTRTHANEVA 8/29/2010 6:55PM

    Attitude determines altitude. You're obviously on your way!!! Going up??? YEAH!!!

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MARTELLA3 8/29/2010 6:54PM

    I work out at a fitness and rehab center so every day I see people who are recovering from a stroke or a heart attack. It is a great reminder to be grateful for my body and what it can do. It also serves as a motivator to take good care of my health.


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JEREMY723 8/29/2010 6:47PM

    We wife joined me in my/our sparkpeople journey 5 weeks ago. I started in January. It makes it more than doublely better, doesn't it?:)

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ANGELOO29 8/29/2010 6:45PM

    That's great!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/29/2010 6:32PM

    That's a great accomplishment!

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AMOHAME2 8/29/2010 6:24PM

    WOOHOO!! That's a great accomplishment, a measure of how hard you're working and how far you've come! emoticon

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MCSNYDER1 8/29/2010 6:18PM

    Congratulations! I am so proud of you!

I cannot wait until you start your cooking blogs! I am not much as a cook, so I look forward to your recipes!
Mary

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FUZZY1TOO 8/29/2010 6:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Go get'em girlfriend....you're awesome!
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2 month Sparkaversary and down 60 lbs total

Friday, August 27, 2010

I wish I had some sage wisdom to offer on this day but I don't. What this really comes down to is eat clean, move more, and make emotional changes in my life. Every path is different. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes it is hard. Yes, there are days I still want to go to DD and have a huge coffee cake muffin or I want to sit with a pint of Ben & Jerry's (aka my crack dealers) and watch a movie. The reality is this life is a choice and I am excited to see how much better my life is with each and every passing minute.
I have not been this happy in my whole adult life. No, it is not just due to weight loss. For the most part I love my job, I have an amazing fiancÚ, I am blessed to not be struggling financially and we have a pretty great life. I am grateful everyday for these things. I do not however believe in sitting around and waiting for a higher power to fix my life or that magically all my problems will go away. Two months ago I sat in front of this computer, just like many of you had, and thought "here goes another shot, will this even work?". Yes, it was daunting but it is my own motivation that kept me going.
When people write me and tell me I inspire them and how I am their motivation it shocks me. I am not doing anything you can't do! I am honored you find me motivating and inspiring and it keeps me going when you tell me BUT I believe truly in my heart you can be where I am in a very short time as well. Keep pushing forward even when you feel you can't. Baby steps. It really is one day at a time, one choice at a time. It does scare me to put myself out there so much to people but part of my journey is dealing with my trust issues and cutting my issues down to their core. I am not just losing fat I am losing YEARS of emotional baggage. Without doing this I do not believe I would be successful. Ask yourself the tough questions, the things you don't want to deal with. Are you happy in your job, your marriage, your financial situation? Now don't eat that stress, channel it, use it to make the changes you need to take back the life you want. You can do and I am here to cheer you on all the way the way you all do for me. I love each and everyone of you. Thank you for the love you give me everyday.
Keep the spark alive!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELFASTBIKER 9/6/2010 11:47AM

    As they say here "Keep 'er lit!"

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 9/6/2010 8:42AM

    It helps to keep your focus with the eyes of others on you. Keep working at it and enjoying!!

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ALOFA0509 9/2/2010 6:36PM

   
Your Awsum!!!!

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SANDHSMOM 9/1/2010 11:12AM

    60lbs and 2 months are both amazing conquests. Keep going. You can do it. You are doing it. emoticon

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VTORIA3 8/29/2010 7:05AM

    emoticon on your successes to date! Your transparency is refreshing, so honest. You are helping so many others by recording your journey. Best to you on this important journey to fitness, health, and weight loss! emoticon

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MRSGOFARR 8/29/2010 6:28AM

    weight loss is half a part of the emotional baggage we carry around that is linked to the physical. We have to start living from the inside out. You are there now!

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TRACYZABELLE 8/28/2010 9:06PM

    You are amazing!! Keep up the good work~

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LOUFANJESSICA 8/28/2010 3:08PM

    You are doing AWESOME!!! I'm happy that you are making choices in your life that are making YOU happy.

HAPPY SPARKAVERSARY emoticon emoticon

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PELESJEWEL 8/28/2010 2:30PM

    emoticon Congrats on every ounce gone Ashley! You are slashing & slaying those emotional demons and the lbs are melting off...your journey sparks, and has ignited others to dig deep & to KEEP GOING, until they find their SPARK.

It's Alchemy......

Comment edited on: 8/28/2010 2:31:03 PM

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HOPERISING 8/28/2010 10:59AM

    Awesome girl, two months, 60 lbs... and did you know we have the same crack dealers???

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BARBARAJ73 8/28/2010 8:47AM

    emoticon Your formula is working... UR looking great! Keep it up

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KATHLOW 8/28/2010 6:20AM

    way to go ashley! 60 pounds is amazing, and the changes you made are too! emoticon

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DESERTFLOWER8 8/28/2010 1:50AM

    Wonderful words, Ashley! And congratulations to you on the enormous strides you have made in so many aspects of your life! To have achieved such understanding at such a young age..well, you are way ahead of where I was..and I am grateful you will have the opportunity to live your adult life to its fullest capacity! emoticon

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 8/27/2010 10:41PM

    You are just amazing!! Thanks for sharing your life with us emoticon

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HEALTHYONE2008 8/27/2010 9:44PM

    emoticon emoticon Happy Sparkaversary! You are amazing!

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JEANNESERENITY 8/27/2010 9:41PM

    You rock! I don't remember how old you are but I think you are wise beyond your years. Congrats on not only changing your body but changing your life.
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FIZZYBALL 8/27/2010 9:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RJ-CYCLES 8/27/2010 8:42PM

    2 months and less 60 lbs, REMARKABLE!!

Congratulations

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DAKOTACAT 8/27/2010 7:24PM

    I disagree with you: that was a LOT of wisdom for a few paragraphs. I bet a lot of it was not fun to learn, but isn't it amazing how "things" change, when it's actually you changing? you should be very proud of yourself--you've earned it!

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CUATROMOMMY 8/27/2010 7:12PM

    You are so right...I have a lot to be grateful for, but I do have a lot that I need to channel and work on. You do inspire me and you tell it like it is. I love that about you.

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MONKEYGETSFIT 8/27/2010 6:14PM

    "eat clean, move more, and make emotional changes" IS Sage Wisdom!

Most don't realize that the formula is that easy (yes, the last part is difficult and the commitment is difficult, and it is all up to YOU), but the formula is simple.

You are awesome. Keep it up!

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BEARDMUSIC 8/27/2010 5:40PM

    Happy Sparkversary!!! It has been a very rewarding 2 months!

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NOTGIVINGUP49 8/27/2010 5:31PM

    emoticon emoticon keep up the great job and attitude!

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BOURNBABE 8/27/2010 5:18PM

    emoticon So happy for you! Can't wait until I catch up! emoticon

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MCSNYDER1 8/27/2010 4:35PM

    What an amazing journey and another wonderful blog! Like it or not, girl, you ARE an inspiration!
Mary

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WORTHEYMOM 8/27/2010 4:34PM

    You gave me Goosebumps - that's all I got to say!

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PERFECTVELVET 8/27/2010 4:28PM

    "I am not just losing fat I am losing YEARS of emotional baggage."

This line resonates with all of us. This journey changes you so much. It's good to see that you're grounded and recognize that this, too, is a choice.

So proud of you!!!

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Dating while chubby: What I learned about men

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Today I decided to dedicate this blog to my friend. She always dates men who treat her like crap, use her, cheat on her, and in general never meet a single one of her needs and they don't care. When I read her fb status today that said she was sitting by her phone waiting for him to call she inspired me.
After my divorce I went on a string of dates in search of Mr. Right. I was around 325 and completely naive to the world of men. Maybe someone will benefit from what I learned. Internet dating was the way I met most of the following men and I looked at it like a sociological experiment. Now don't get me wrong, I was looking for love and MAN did I get my heart torn out and trounced on. I actually gave up on love and that was hard for me because I am a consummate romantic. I don't believe in a single soul mate but I do believe there are a handful of people on this earth destined for us and I refuse to accept less than that. I would rather be alone than be with a man who didn't desperately love me and need me. So...without further babbling. Here is the list of men I found who seek out chubby women....
1. Chubby Guy with low self esteem- This guy reminded myself of me. Feels he has no value and he can't do any better so he might as well settle for another fatty. At least she will like to eat and he can get laid right? Problem with him is he really is only biding his time until someone better will give him the time of day. As soon as someone does, he disappears.
2. The User- this is the guy who lies about EVERYTHING. Listen close to what men say. They will always give you clues to how they really feel about you. If this guy says anything along the lines of "we don't have to define this right now" in one breath and then is calling you his girlfriend (but only in your apartment where nobody can hear him) the next, he is saying what you want to hear. He wants something from you and it isn't love. Sex, money, a cosigner. Yeah it hurts to hear this but there are people like this. AVOID THEM. NO he will not change and realize he loves you. He loves you until your credit limit is met.
3. The Married Guy- this is the one who hurt me the most. I met a guy at work and there was an instant chemistry that was palpable. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. After flirting for weeks he finally asked me out and we went on an amazing first date. Weird thing was he always called me at specific times but never answered when I called. I never saw his apartment. He always had explanations. Bad roommate situation and he worked a lot. I was so smitten I believed every word. Three months later one of my coworkers felt bad for me and finally told me that he was married, with A BABY, and that pretty much everyone at work knew but me. I was humiliated and when I confronted him he denied they existed and never spoke to me again. If he has big patches of time he is missing, he is up to something.
4. The Disappearing Act-This guy isn't married so his disappearing act is even weirder. In this day and age of technology the excuses of "I didn't get your message, text, email blah blah" are BS. I also love the excuse, "I am so busy I just didn't have time to call or text". Men are black and white. If they like you, they call you. They do things for you. They buy you little things to make you happy. My fiancÚ knows I love yogurt parfaits and he used to leave them on my desk for me as a surprise. It isn't the money that counts, it is that he is showing you he is thinking of you. If he can't find 3 minutes in the day to say he is thinking of you. He isn't.
5. The Narcissist/Egomaniac- These are the guys who look amazing at the gym. Think Jersey Shore guy bodies with less of the cheese on top. Problem is, that is all they are, a body. No substance, no deep thoughts. They feel people have value only for their external beauty. These guys may be fun to look at but will end up making you feel bad in the end when you can NEVER meet their ridiculous physical standards. That and you will get tired of them stealing your self tanner,.
6. The Player-This is the guy who won't let you see his facebook or his cellphone. He gets texts at 2 AM and isn't surprised and never reads them when you are around. I used to test these guys by telling them my "friend Lisa" was a huge slut. If they immediately perked up or made a threesome joke, I kicked them to the curb.
7. The Jealous/Possessive Type- These guys are worrisome because they have the potential to be very dangerous. They assume if they date a fat girl she will have no self esteem and will never leave or cheat and that she can be controlled. Run from these guys because they have the potential to be BIG trouble.
8. The Chubby Chaser- These guys scare me because they actively seek out your fat. I actually met a few of these guys and it was creepy. It was like they were more into my weight than me as a human being. Unless you are comfortable with this, and if you are that is great and I am not judging, you deserve someone to love you for heart. Not just your weight, skinny or fat.

Now of course there are men that are combinations of the above so they can throw you a few curveballs. What I can tell you is really listen to what they say and really watch what they do. When I finally met the love of my life, and a member of the guy number 9 group, I tested him constantly. He always did what he said. He called me every single day when he said he would. He worked 90 hours a week and only had off one night and he spent it with me. Every single Friday night since the day we met. Not one time did he break that date. His actions spoke very loudly of his character. If he worked that much and still made time for me and still supported me, than a normal guy working 40 hours a week can do that for you. Don't settle for less. You deserve it all.
So last but not least.
9. The Nice, Genuine Guy- Now these men can be hard to find. Someone who is kind, honest, genuine, and loyal. This is a man who will love you for you. Your weight, up or down, will just not be an issue. He will just want you to be happy and healthy and he will be supportive of your efforts to lose weight when you make that choice. He will love you regardless and be there when times get tough and when times get better.
After married guy slaughtered my heart I quit. I said, there is not a single good man out there and I am done. I spent time working on myself, making myself happy. I also learned to recognize that I was attracted to men that were bad for me. When I recognized my pattern (sounds like weight loss too huh lol) it was easy to not waste my time on crappy men. Six months later I met my fiancÚ and I was able to see what a great guy he is because I wasn't busy obsessing over some loser who didn't deserve me.

I hope this helps you, or at least amused you. Please don't assume I think all men are bad. Gentleman, those who read this, I am not picking on your gender. I just haven't date women so I can only speak to one side. Feel free to write your own bad experiences with women. Now, to my SP girls, tell me what guy are you guilty of keeping around too long? How did you meet your number 9?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPOOKYTHECAT 8/31/2010 12:37PM

    This blog made me text my #9 &" say I love you, & I'm so glad you are my husband "...:)

Because like your yogurt parfaits, my hubby does check in & let me know he is thinking of me, & tells me he loves me several times a day ~
& your post made me remember that I am so lucky!

Thank you for your words, what a great blog .


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CBACH71 8/31/2010 8:13AM

    You got the types right! I've not dated many, but I've seen a lot of them. I've dated two which were a combination of some of your characteristics listed. It's unfortunate that men or women are like this and that we can't all just be up front and honest about ourselves and let the other person take us or leave us. Great blog!

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RIGBY31 8/29/2010 10:41AM

    I met my #9 31 years ago. I was a single mom, and was in the middle of a major heart-stomping "relationship". Then my #9 who is peaceful, intelligent, funny, science-geek locked eyes with me at a wine and cheese party. Corny, lightning struck and we've been together ever since, raised a wonderful family. But ohh, the turkeys before him... what was I thinking?!

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ANGELOO29 8/28/2010 1:30PM

    I've dated ALL of the "bad" types and my belief in #9 has diminished (though that was just me and my negative thoughts). The weight loss and subsequent male attention has brought about a new realization. I notice the subtle hints or not so subtle as the case my be about these guys that are hitting on me. They are not the "good guy" I am seeking but knowing that I can see these guys for what they are, gives me faith that I will not fall prey again. Saving the heartache and wasted effort.
Congrats to you for finding the elusive #9.

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VITASANA 8/27/2010 3:35PM

    I loved your blog ... I've dated just about every one of them except from group #9 and #3 had a fiance and I had no idea. You story gives me faith. I hope that like you, I'll be able to notice the good guy when he finally comes along. :) I'm very happy for you!

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MAMADWARF 8/27/2010 10:31AM

    Great Blog, my friend!You really nailed the "types" and I dated every single one of those guys! I am so glad you found your wonderful fiance and you are so happy with a great guy now.

My first hubby was a #9. We married at 18 and he died in a swimming accident when I was 19. I didnt handle it well and turned to drugs and alcohol then married #7 who turned into a (physical) abuser. My Hubby now is a #9 all the way. We met when I was 14 and stayed in each others lives off and on for years, when one or both of us would find ourselves single again.I was friends with his sister and he was best friends with my brother in law. After my 2nd marriage, we were both single and finally, finally, settled down. The timing was right and we have been together this time for 25 years.

You are right. Dont settle for someone less than you deserve. If you are wasting time with someone less than that, you may miss the great guy cause you are caught up trying to make it work with the loser.

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TREASURINGLIFE 8/27/2010 9:45AM

    Great blog!! Sure makes me reflect a lot on my past experiences and my current situation with someone who definitely doesn't act as though he desperately loves me and needs me. Well...he "needs" me, but that's only because he couldn't possibly live on his own...he's gotta have a "mom" around to keep his life in order. OY!

Anyway, thanks for sharing!! :)

- Michelle

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DOWNAGAIN 8/26/2010 1:58PM

    This was truly the most amazing blog!
I laughed, I cried, I reflected -and- absolutely related to the entire thing.
After my husband died, I waited 3 years to even start dating again. The first guy that I ended up dating was a combination of 2,4,6 & 7. His worst attribute was that he took advantage of my vulnerability of being widowed (when my daughter was only 3 months old). He was horrible to me, but fabulous with my daughter and I think that was why I stayed with him as long as I did. I looked past how he treated me because seeing my 3 year old daughter comfortable and happy, let me oversee the bad things he said and did to me. (It was nothing physical, but all mental and verbal abuse.) I did finally come to my senses and dumped the S.O.B.
That was now almost 2 years ago and I am kind of stand-offish to the idea of getting back into dating again because of that jerk...sadly enough.
Some days I feel like I am missing out on having a partner, but other days I feel the opposite and think I am better off not getting involved with another to avoid the potential '1' through '8' types of men. I'll get there eventually though. :)
I just wanted to say thank for writing this blog. I read a lot and I have to admit that this tiny piece of literature you have written has been the best thing I've read in years!!!
Well done!

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MADDEELOU 8/26/2010 1:30PM

    Great blog, Ashley. I have not dated a lot in my life. Not sure if this blog makes me happy or sad about that. LOL.

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LOOKY-LOU 8/26/2010 10:31AM

    Loved your blog...

Met my #9 so long ago, and actually had a pretty solid dating life before that...but as a mon of an almost 15 year old son, I am trying to raise a #9.

Tough one, because 14 year old girls don't WANT a #9...they will, but for today....well it's crazy but their image is more important than anything else!!!

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JENN26POINT2 8/26/2010 9:01AM

    I'm guilty of the user and one that doesn't fit ANY of the stereotypes you listed above. What about the guy who's more into football, beer and video games than you? Seriously, I left for 2 weeks once and asked him if he missed me and he said "I've got my beer and my cat. What else do I need?" I was fuming at this comment... we didn't last much longer and afterward he got drunk and was all "I'm sorry I couldn't be the boyfriend you wanted me to be", blah blah blah. But we broke up on good terms, so I don't really hold a grudge against him and have actually tried to find him to see what he's up to now.

Now, my DH is guy number 9, sometimes. lol He has his moments where he falls into other categories, but for the most part he's #9. I met him at a party that my friend and cousin hosted. Something can be said about dating guys who are friends with your friends... if he's good enough for your friends, he's probably good enough for you. :)

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BARBARAJ73 8/26/2010 7:42AM

    Sad but true ... emoticon

Just want to say "ditto" to those encouraging you to pursue your writing. You have a lot of potential!!!!!! I look forward to your blogs such a nice combo of humor and life lessons. emoticon

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SANDHSMOM 8/26/2010 7:05AM

    Never did the whole dating thing as I married my high school/college sweetheart, but I absolutely loved your blog. And as a bookstore owner and avid reader let me tell you, you have the gift. You should consider writing a book. Fiction - one about all your dating experiences and don't forget to keep a journal of your weight loss journey. With your way of writing you could easily turn it into a book. Think Jemima J, Julie and Julia, The Corset Diaries, Confessions of a shopaholic and so many more. emoticon

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KATHLOW 8/26/2010 6:22AM

    can't really relate as i met my number 9 aged 16..but man, you had me laughing out loud at this: 'That and you will get tired of them stealing your self tanner,. '
Thanks for the laugh, I needed one right about now!

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BLAHNIK27 8/26/2010 12:14AM

    "I would rather be alone than be with a man who didn't desperately love me and need me".

Now if only more women out there felt that way about themselves!

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SWEETPEA0214 8/26/2010 12:14AM

    Girl - I just love your honesty and your outlook. I am so glad you found your soulmate in your fiance. He sounds like an awesome person. I also got a category 9 guy and I raised a few of them too.

The sad thing is - this isn't limited to just guys. My son (he's 21 and in the military) always tells me that the girls he meets are just as bad as the guys you describe. They want a guy to treat them like crap. And the sad thing is - the girls who have the bad relationships make the good guys pay for them. That's sad isn't it?

Take care sweetie!!!

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BLACKROSE2010 8/25/2010 10:46PM

    These are very informative. As a girl who is looking for her number 9 I can tell you it is quite exhausting....and I have met and gone on a date with at least one guy from each of those categories....so im definately starting to see and recognize the signes of the "bad eggs"

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 8/25/2010 9:21PM

    Very informative blog emoticon Thanks!!

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KACOPHANI 8/25/2010 9:14PM

    Great blog! I would say my guy has gone through stages of all of these, maybe almost all. Thats what happens when you go for the bad boy in high school and dont shake him before middle age...lol. Seriously. But now... he's mostly a 9!

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LINDY2202 8/25/2010 8:43PM

    The User, The Player, The Narcissist/Egomaniac, The Jealous/Possessive Type, PLUS physically, emotionally, financially abuser all rolled into one. I dated him over a year, he had no job the entire year, I am missing two teeth he knocked out of my mouth, and a have a two inch scar across my arm because of him. Everyone told me to leave him, my mother took me to a mental hospital trying to admit me so maybe I would come to my senses. One day he called me a stupid fat b**** (which he has called me worse many times). I don't know what it was but something in my mind "clicked". I told him to get out of my face and I never wanted to see him again. I changed my locks, got a cell phone (he broke six of mine when I tried to call for help) through his stuff out of my apartment, got a criminal tresspass warning against him and guess what? I never saw him again. And now I have got my number 9 who would NEVER lay a hand on me, would never go to a bar without me, would never cheat on me, would never be jobless, and would never ever ever call me fat. I am happier now than ever, and I know what freedom feels like. I am with someone but I am free. I wear what I want, do what I want, and have someone that always supports me and is happy for me in all I do. emoticon

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POOKAQUEEN 8/25/2010 8:27PM

    Combo of 2, 4, and 5. I guess a little of 1 too. I was good enough until something better came along, but he wanted a back up. so he didn't want to let go. It's not all bad. If I hadn't dated him, I never would have met his friends, I wouldn't have gotten into a fight with him and hid out at his friend's apartment, If I hadn't been there that night, I probably would not have met my wonderful husband, my number 9.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It's wonderful that you found your number 9, even after such a heart wrenching experience.

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OZARKMARY 8/25/2010 8:25PM

    Good blog! So sorry that you had to experience all that, but guess it was necessary. All life lessons. I met many of those types while seaching for my #9. Yes, even older ladies find themselves looking for love in the wrong places. We'll be married 9 yrs next month. Wishing you much happiness! emoticon emoticon emoticonmary

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TEACHERANG 8/25/2010 8:23PM

    I LOVED this! You need to write a book!

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CARILOUIE 8/25/2010 8:22PM

    I love my #9!!!

emoticon

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LJRW170 8/25/2010 7:49PM

    He was a friend of a boyfriend who became an ex-boyfriend. He flirted with me, made me feel sexy because he paid attention; he was the ultimate bad boy, and something about that attracted me to him. Our relationship was (sadly) mainly physical and "just friends" for 3 years. I finally broke it off with him when I "met" my now husband online. He IS my number 9. :)

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KT-NICHOLS-13 8/25/2010 7:47PM

    Sounds like the movie (and I think book) "He's just not that into you" but your version is based on dating while chubby.
I met my #9 while on vacation. I knew when I met The Mr. that he was the one. Our love runs deep and strong.
Nice blog, I'm sure there are some who will benefit from it.

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STEPH_MORRIS 8/25/2010 7:46PM

    my guy is DEF a number 9!

Of course I had several absolutely terrible relationships before chris... I dated guys in almost all of your top 8 catagories...then, one day told my best friend that I liked this guy named chris. She knew who I was talking about...I told her, "Im going to ask him out on a date on friday...that way if he rejects me I have the whole weekend to get over it"

thursday afternoon guess what happens?! SHE ASKED HIM OUT. And he said YES. :-(

So after that I of course was not her friend anymore...and I started dating a very abusive guy. 6 months later, I broke it off with the abusive dude and vowed to myself that I would sit and think of every single relationship I have ever had and think about EXACTLY WHY the relationship failed. After this little brainstorming session, I promised myself that I would work on the things that were my fault...and that I would focus and remember to avoid guys with the same attribute as all my sucky past bfs. Two months after working on myself and reflecting, Chris broke up with my "so called friend"....I waited around for weeks just thinking to myself.."he just got out of a relationship, do I really want to pursue him right now?"

So I waited and waited and after 2 months, CHRIS randomly came up to me one day and asked me to be his girlfriend! My best friend never mentioned me to him, but he noticed me on his own.

6 years later we are STILL TOGETHER and MARRIED now. JUST as happy as we were back then! By the way, we met when I was 16...he was 17. =] We are in the process of buying a house right now.

I truly feel like Chris was made just for me. He tells me I am beautiful everyday, he supports me in everything I do, he loves taking me everywhere and even though we have been tgether for so long, he still takes me on dates regularly! he pushes me to be the best woman that I can be and spends every moment away from work with me. I THANK God every day that I have Chris.

one of my friends recently asked me: "What happens if you get all skinny and all these hot guys start coming on to you?"

I replied: "Chris is the ONLY guy that wanted me while I have been FAT. SO he is the ONLY GUY that gets the PRIVALEGE of having me once Im thin!!!!!!!" =]

Love is GOOD. And I am so so glad that you and I have found a couple of #9 guys.....theres not that many left out there!!!

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CATLADY_56 8/25/2010 7:36PM

    This is amusing. I am so glad I am out of the dating scene. Lucky for me I found Mr. Right 33 years ago. I am happy for you that you found the good guy. I think they are out there, but unless you do what you did - find happiness for yourself - they are strangely invisible. Good luck to you and God Bless.

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MCSNYDER1 8/25/2010 7:31PM

    I'm sooo glad you added #9----that's my sweet hubby!!! I wish you could talk to my nutty niece---she seems to attract #1-8! Oh, when will she be as smart as you!!! You really have your head on tight!!! Great Job!

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JO2TOM 8/25/2010 7:29PM

    You are awesome. Too bad for all the tough learning that came between then and now. I have been married to Mr. Genuine Nice Guy for about 37 years, and it feels like yesterday. I'm at work right now, getting ready to come home, and he is slicing strawberries for the salad. Rule: Whoever gets home first starts supper. emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 8/25/2010 7:27PM

    Oh this should definitely be voted a "best blog" award. I can happily say I have been married to a #9 for almost 21 years. Has it always been "perfect" no. Marriage takes work, alot of hard work but it pays off if two people are committed for a lifetime.

Prior to my hubs I experienced the number 1-7's...UGH! Thank God I don't have to deal with that stuff again.

Yor fiance sounds wonderful and caring as well.


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Today I am wearing the smallest size I have worn in 7 years (with pics)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I can hardly believe it. My goal since starting SP was just to fit into the smallest size I have been able to in recent memory. 7 years ago I lost 50 lbs with the help of a weight loss coach and her approach was actually very similar to SP so it really worked for me. I got down to 270 and fit in a size 24. One of my SP friends, PELESJEWEL, was so completely generous enough to mail me 4 pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of capri's about a month back and I have been trying them on periodically hoping they would fit. Sunday night as I was doing laundry I look over at them again longingly and decided it was time to try again.
I pulled on the first pair and they zipped right up!!!!!!! I thought, oh maybe it is just this pair runs big, again and again they fit. All 6 pairs. I did my crazy booty dance right there. I thought I would cry but I was too happy. With this life change I am also finding a new emotional strength that I am really excited about. No longer are the days of being reduced to tears over every single thing, good or bad. It is pretty awesome! I promised myself right then an there I was going to wear the pair I felt fit the best to work this week. Today is that day and I don't remember the last time I felt this self confident. The best part is I actually have a butt now! I used to just have like a straight fat line from my shoulders to my thighs. When I look in the mirror I can't believe it is me.
Here are 2 pics I took at the gym on Saturday after working out. These are the 7 jeans I mentioned in my shopping blog a few weeks back. I love how I look from the side!


One of the best things lately is I don't need to turn sideways to get through places and people aren't squishing out of the way when I walk by. I feel normal for the first time in a long time and it is pretty great.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALLYSNEWLIFE 8/31/2010 2:01PM

    Lookin' good!!!!

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MUSTANGMISSY 8/31/2010 10:40AM

    You look awesome, girl! Truly beautiful!

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GINNIE535 8/31/2010 10:04AM

    You are so cute- love the shirt! I read a few of your blogs- just want to say that you have an amazing attitude and I am so happy for you! Keep up the good work and thanks for the inspiration!

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TREASURINGLIFE 8/27/2010 10:30AM

    Just wanted to say WOOOOOOOO-WHOOOOOOO for you!! :)

- Michelle

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LORKAT 8/27/2010 9:58AM

  You look truly amazing! I wish I looked half as good in photos.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BONNIEELLEN571 8/26/2010 8:36AM

    You have every right to be proud! What an amazing accomplishment. Keep up the good work... Baby Steps! emoticon

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APATRICIAO521 8/26/2010 8:13AM

    Congrats!!!!!!

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SWEETPEA0214 8/26/2010 12:15AM

    You are beautiful girl!

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JEANNESERENITY 8/25/2010 11:50PM

    It just feels good, doesn't it? It is amazing how empowering it is to fit into the next size down. Great job!

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NOT2LATE2BGR8 8/25/2010 10:02PM

    Lookin' hot girly girl! Way to go!

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 8/25/2010 9:23PM

    You look so great! emoticon

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LOUFANJESSICA 8/25/2010 8:20PM

    Awesome!!!!!!

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JO2TOM 8/25/2010 7:31PM

    You look great!!Wonderful!! Amazing!!

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KAHOLLIDAY 8/25/2010 3:41PM

  WOO WOO!! Congrats!!!!

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SPARKLEBETH 8/25/2010 1:28PM

    You look terrific! Congrats! Knew you could do it.

SPARKLEBETH emoticon

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THENEWSHANNON 8/25/2010 11:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MRSGOFARR 8/25/2010 10:34AM

    You are just the sweetest thing!!! I love how happy you are and how that comes through the screen. DONT EVER give up on your goals. You are rockin those jeans and you will continue to get where you want to be if you believe in yoruself like we all believe in you!!!! DONT EVER GIVE UP!!!

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MRSBERTA_69 8/25/2010 9:20AM

    Congrats! Keep up the great work! emoticon

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TRAINER_T 8/25/2010 9:13AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEENSTER1 8/25/2010 9:08AM

    You are doing Amazing. Keep up the hard work. I am rooting for you. You are kicking butt. emoticon Shrink and sing. emoticon I am so happy for you. Your emoticon emoticon

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SUPERSMILE37 8/25/2010 8:51AM

    WAY TO GO!!! That is awesome!!!

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KELLYC_14FAN 8/25/2010 7:24AM

    Awesome! Way to go!

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BLAHNIK27 8/25/2010 4:15AM

    Love it!!
And how great that you are able to share clothes!!!
I bet you feel amazing, & so you should!

Kristy
xx

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ALOFA0509 8/25/2010 1:55AM

   
Way 2 go sista!!! You look Fantastic

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BRIAEL 8/24/2010 11:44PM

    Awesome! Isn't it just wonderful when you get that surprise that everything you couldn't wear last week actually fits today?

Love the photos, thanks for including them in your update. You're going great guns, girl, keep it up! :)

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GODDESSLIL80 8/24/2010 10:09PM

    That is so great! I'm so proud of you and all the work you've been doing. emoticon

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HDHAWK 8/24/2010 10:01PM

    Fantastic! emoticon

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FRECKS96 8/24/2010 9:53PM

    Awesome! Congrats!

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VITASANA 8/24/2010 9:53PM

    emoticon YAY!!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! I am so happy that you have reached this stage of your journey and you deserve to be happy and be proud of yourself because no one did this but you! You rock!! emoticon

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MELNAEGELI 8/24/2010 9:47PM

    The last paragraph of your blog made me misty.

I am so happy for you!!! Congratulations and keep up the good work!

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SERENEART 8/24/2010 9:39PM

    Woohoo! You go girl! Congrats!

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KAYLAP101 8/24/2010 9:18PM

    amazing!!! you look fabulous
so beautiful!!

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GLITTERSPARK 8/24/2010 9:17PM

    You look fabulous - congrats!!! emoticon

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HOPE2011 8/24/2010 8:57PM

    What a great feeling! Congratulations, Friend! emoticon emoticon

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LOSIN4MYSELF 8/24/2010 8:49PM

    You are doing great friend! I am so proud of you! Now, can you please send some of those skinny vibes my way???

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KARLYNCANDOIT 8/24/2010 8:44PM

    emoticon You rock girl and you are looking great~

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KMCK117 8/24/2010 8:42PM

    you look great!!
emoticon

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MONKEYGETSFIT 8/24/2010 8:40PM

    YAY!!!

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 8/24/2010 8:40PM

    emoticon miss thang! Looking happy, that's the awesomest! emoticon

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AMOHAME2 8/24/2010 8:39PM

    You look wonderful! Congratulations not only on being your smallest size in 7 years, but on your new-found confidence in yourself!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 8/24/2010 8:31PM

    I just realized I am doing this sassy hand on my hip pose lol. Thanks everyone, you make me feel awesome.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/24/2010 8:29PM

    Yooz a Hottie!

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FIZZYBALL 8/24/2010 8:21PM

    emoticon ...looking good and very confident...

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BEARDMUSIC 8/24/2010 7:06PM

    You look great!!!

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PAMATX 8/24/2010 6:19PM

    Woohoo! Look at that bootylicious booty!

emoticon

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BOURNBABE 8/24/2010 5:47PM

    Yes! Great job! How exciting!!! emoticon

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BARBARAJ73 8/24/2010 5:45PM

    emoticon What a great achievement - thank you for sharing with us!

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TKAYSMILES 8/24/2010 5:37PM

    You look awesome!

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AEBROWNSON 8/24/2010 3:49PM

    Yeah Ashley! You look great!

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SFGRUNNER 8/24/2010 3:16PM

    Woo hoo! That's fanastic!! You look great!!

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Unexpected attention

Monday, August 23, 2010

In the last week it is really strange but it like I become visible for the first time in years. When I look in the mirror I can really see the changes in my body and even though I am still technically MO by BMI standards I definitely look just in the chubby range. All of the sudden random men are flirting with me A LOT. When I went to get my car fixed the guy was clearly digging me and even gave me a discount "just to be nice" which has never happened. The guy who towed my car was suddenly pulling a casanova. You know the lean back with his arm across the seat "so, Ashley, what do you do for a living? Oh that is so fascinating". I was looking at him like, really, wedding planning is so exciting to you? Somehow I doubt it. A random guy at DD was so noticeably flirting with me that even my fiancÚ was like WTH is going on all of the sudden? Last but not least when I went to get my pug from my dad this weekend an old guy comes walking by and said to me "Hello dear, seeing you right now has made my day" I laughed and said "oh that is sweet, thank you" and he said "no, THANK YOU." It then crossed from sweet old man to creepy old perv. This whole thing has been so weird to me. At first I thought I can't look that different in 7 weeks. After a lot of careful analysis I think it comes down to for the first time in a long time I am projecting confidence and happiness. When I was at my heaviest I projected insecurity and desperation. I was always looking for someone to like me, someone to appreciate me. Now I really could care less what most people think of me. It is nice to have people show me attention but it isn't something I live and breathe for anymore. The attention I get from my fiancÚ is really all the interests me.
I am glad that I am learning to be happy and comfortable in my own skin. No longer to feel nervous in a room that people are staring in a bad way or that the people next to me at a restaurant think I am too big to be near their table. This kind of self confidence is invaluable.
So tell me. What experience have you had lately that made you realize how much your self esteem has improved?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLE_TAILOR 9/4/2010 11:45PM

    I would tell you to enjoy it (well, maybe not the creepy old perv).

I know I find it curious getting checked out, something that hasn't happened to me since college.

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KAHOLLIDAY 8/25/2010 3:45PM

  YES!!! I love walking through...well anywhere...with my heels on...people always look now and I dont think its as much me being pretty and "skinny" (cause Im still not skinny) as it is me just projecting that confidence you spoke of!! Its AWESOME!! I've even had probably 4 or 5 guys say something about a runway/model/working it, etc as I walked by. Most of the time I don't even realize Im doing it anymore but its fun!! haha I even had a secret admirer at work emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/25/2010 3:52:24 PM

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 8/24/2010 8:43PM

    You should walk with confidence and strut your stuff! Your beautiful, and it sounds like all those men thought so too! emoticon

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FIZZYBALL 8/24/2010 8:22PM

    emoticon...I have not experienced any improvement in that area..yet :)

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40PLUSANDFIT 8/24/2010 5:42PM

    Isn't it super AWESOME?????!!!!!! The guys here at work are noticing me a bit more too. It's craziness. One of them I ran into at the gym the other day and he was like "oh this is what you're doing"... I just smiled and said in my innocent voice what???? emoticon

You are doing spectacular Ashley, keep it up.

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TKAYSMILES 8/24/2010 5:37PM

    That is awesome though! I think when we start feeling better about ourselves it comes across to other people. A little flirting is fun and definately makes you feel better!

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MAMADWARF 8/24/2010 11:31AM

    Awesome Ashley and you are right. Confidence is sexy!!
I have always been confident even at my highest weight. But I was telling Clevagal that part of my fat was protecting me from unwanted male attention and that I didnt realize it till I started losing it. I love my husband very much and do not need any temptations in my life and I think I was protecting myself from that. But at (almost)49 years old, I think I can handle being flirted with and not take it to any other level! I dont need to jeopardize my health so I wont jump into bed with someone who tells me Im pretty. I have my morals and committment to protect me from that so I think Im good to go now. Funny the things we realize as we go through this journey.

I have always been a show off and even at 291 pounds, I would jump on a stage and shake my (big!) ass.. lol. I dont know if it is confidence or no shame! lol.

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HEALTHYFIGHTER 8/24/2010 11:01AM

    emoticon

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CYNDER 8/24/2010 10:14AM

    Its all about attitude and how you carry yourself. And you have it going on! emoticon emoticon

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ANGELOO29 8/24/2010 9:15AM

    LOL I have experienced the same thing! Numerous guys have hit on me (though I didn't even realize it at the time) in the past few months just before and since I hit a 100 loss. I never expected the attention but enjoy it and am actually becoming more comfortable with it. While it wasn't the goal of the weight loss, the loss built up my esteem a bit and the attention pushed it farther along. It's nice to walk a little taller and more confident - Great for you!!

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RAVENSONG37 8/24/2010 9:01AM

    I walked through a crowd the other day and I totally strutted. I knew I looked dang good and I knew people were lookin!!

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LOUFANJESSICA 8/24/2010 8:24AM

    Those little things really do add up! Sometimes I look in the mirror and don't think I look much different from 80+ pounds ago but then something happens and you're like "what am I thinking?! I'm looking good!". emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/24/2010 7:31AM

    Oh yes! We are on the same wavelength. I was just thinking about how powerful I felt yesterday after my date. Like, I knew I looked good and FELT good about it!

You are smokin' hot... so OWN it girl!

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POOKAQUEEN 8/24/2010 6:59AM

    You are doing so well! That's big mental step to take! You are a beautiful wonderful person and it shows!

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KATHLOW 8/24/2010 3:58AM

    that's how it goes, once you stop caring, every one else thinks you're interesting :-). Enjoy it! (well, the nice ones, not the creepy old pervy ones).

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SWEETPEA0214 8/24/2010 12:05AM

    I am so happy for you. I feel the same way. Although I am the one flirting (I am VERY HAPPILY MARRIED), but still it is FUN. All of us women are flattered by the extra attention. And my husband love's it because he knows he has a hot wife and that makes him proud that I am his. And yes - it is the attitude you are now projecting that is making people take notice.

WALLFLOWERS no more!!11

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BEARDMUSIC 8/23/2010 11:08PM

    Enjoy it and have fun with it!

As far as my improvement of self-esteem - I haven't had any experiences like you yet. I think my experiences will start when I go back to school in 2 weeks.

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FLB.MMA 8/23/2010 10:30PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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