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Doing things that scare me: blogging

Sunday, August 22, 2010

When I started on SP I was determined to blog every single day. Then as I got more into this I realized that SP is about balance and learning a healthy lifestyle isn't an all or nothing kind of thing. It is learning balance in my life. I was initially afraid to blog at all. I have seen how people on other websites tear each other apart with absolute cruelty and it really turned me off online communities. I find it cowardly and pathetic to attack strangers viciously and hide behind the anonymity of the internet. This brings me to the point of this blog.
A few weeks back I won the first of 4 popular blog awards and I was honestly surprised. Very quickly over the next week or so I won 3 more and the response I received was overwhelming. I wasn't prepared for the influx of friend requests and emails. I never thought people even read my blogs outside a few friends that I talk with daily. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy people identify with my blogs, I am just a bit surprised by the attention. I always wanted to be as good of a friend to other sparkers as they are to me and then suddenly I couldn't respond to everyone and it upset me. I felt like a bad spark friend. If you read my blogs and were disappointed I didn't answer you. I read everything you wrote me and it touched me. Each and every comment was special and appreciated and thank you for writing them to me.

The positive side of this is that I realized I really enjoy writing. I have always wanted a creative outlet and back in College professors singled me out for writing and put some of my research papers in contests etc but I never saw it as more than a hobby or a necessary for finishing my senior thesis. Part of my journey has now become learning to accept praise and attention and instead of being embarrassed or overwhelmed, be proud. I have been mulling over the idea of a more open blog. Frankly, it scares me to death to put myself out there. People can be horrible and nasty and SP is a safe place to blog. What will happen out there in the real world? Will people even read it? Will they tear me to shreds?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYASHLEY 8/23/2010 4:08PM

    Thanks everyone! I probably should have said it better. I meant blogging on a more public forum outside of SP.

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CARMINACG 8/23/2010 3:46PM

    Hey - you know the whole Blogging side of SP is more so looked at as a positive vent/reflection process. Of course there is always the thought of 'will anyone be offended by anything I say or react in a negative way' maybe? But that asside SP is one of the most supportive, comunity inspired sites I have ever seen! So I would say feel free to blog with confidence, it will keep you true to your feelings & your well thought out words! Others that will read them, and connect with your experiences will thank you from the bottom of there hearts! Happy Bloging!

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KARLYNCANDOIT 8/23/2010 3:15PM

    You are a great blogger~~ Way to go on your journey~~ You are doing great!! emoticon

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TKAYSMILES 8/23/2010 3:08PM

    Go for it! Life is an experience and if we are afraid we might miss out on something awesome! Don't worry too about getting back to comments....that can get overwhelming! Have an awesome day!!!

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JO2TOM 8/23/2010 1:07PM

    Just be you!!! One of my sparkfriends SUZIAND had a great quote on her blog today...the idea is this: Don't make someone a priority who thinks of you as an option.

Anyway...the idea I was thinking about was that you should blog if you want. Yes...you are putting yourself out there, and yes... some people might get angry, upset, frustrated, etc when they read your blog. In the end, if you are being you, then what others think and even say is not that important at all. Only a few of those people are even your friends, so don't worry. People always have lots of opinions, but few are willing to say them out loud, or even apply them to themselves.

Don't think you need to answer every comment, either. We are your sparkfriends, and are here to support you. We love it when you have time to respond, but we don't expect instant or constant contact.

BE YOU!!!We like you that way!!!

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BOURNBABE 8/23/2010 12:22PM

    I say do the blog, and just realize, like in life, some ppl in the interwebs can't feel good about themselves unless they're putting someone else down. They're only hurting themselves and distancing themselves from opportunities to know genuinely amazing people like yourself. emoticon
Just live by the mantra "Don't feed the trolls" when dealing with forums, comments, etc., and you'll be just fine. Trolls don't hang around where they can't get a reaction.
Besides, I really want to read this relearning to cook blog, darnit. lol.

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MRSGOFARR 8/23/2010 10:22AM

    well you can always block people who dont have something positive to day. that is what i would do.

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AEBROWNSON 8/23/2010 9:51AM

    I have really enjoyed your writing...your sense of humor, your willingness to put yourself out there. And I'd definitely read a blog about relearning to cook!!!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 8/23/2010 9:11AM

    I am just planning on a pretty tame blog about relearning to cook. The internet is forever so I am pretty careful about what I put out there.

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POOKAQUEEN 8/23/2010 8:58AM

    I'm all for stepping outside of comfort zones, but I'm there with you. The internet can be evil and cruel. Even websites that mean no harm can end up hurting. In the end it's up to you, but beware, anything you put anywhere on the internet can end up anywhere in the world. Even things on SP can disappear into the web.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/23/2010 8:13AM

    I say do it, as long as it's not damaging to your character. I make sure that my filter remains "If my employer found this, would they have a problem with it?" If the answer is no, then you are good to go!

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RED_WRITINGHOOD 8/23/2010 7:37AM

    You shouldn't worry about that girl!! When I comment about a blog half the time I forget which ones I even commented on lol. Just keep writing and enjoy yourself!!

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NOTGIVINGUP49 8/22/2010 9:15PM

    I too am pleased that you feel safe blogging on spark! I can relate to your feelings. Often I think that I don't have anything of value to say. The truth is that for me it is about feeling afraid of what others might say and that I don't feel worthy enough. The REALITY is we ALL have something to contribute; we are ALL valuable! Facing our fears is hard, but you ARE doing it! Keep sharing and blogging! emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/22/2010 7:38PM

    I really enjoy your blogs and hope you don't stop writing due to you "new found fame!" Keep up the great work!!!

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BEARDMUSIC 8/22/2010 7:31PM

    You should feel proud of yourself. You are doing so awesome that everyone wants to know the secret of your success! You are a very good writer because your blogs are enjoyable to read. They also ask questions that the reader thinks about themselves. Don't worry, I don't feel upset if you don't respond to my comments. I don't think I have the time to respond to all of mine either. I don't think everyone expects a response all of the time.

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BELLAMAGOO78 8/22/2010 6:44PM

    Glad you feel safe blogging here! I have found it to be a great way to just get 'stuff' out and to share what's going on for me. It's also been a great way for me to recieve lots of support and encouragement which is vital to my journey. You are doing a great job and keep up the great work!

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MCSNYDER1 8/22/2010 6:41PM

    Hi, Ashley! I never blogged until last week--and only then for a team challenge. I dreaded it---but I did it anyway. My blogs have just naturally come out as rather (extremely) personal. SparkFolks I have never heard of have responded with tenderness, kindness, and even said that I inspire THEM!!!
That surprises me because I just tell little stories of my life!

I have never known anyone on this site to be anything other than supportive. They have lifted me up, challenged me, inspired me, encouraged me, and occasionally kicked my rear!

Good luck....I'll read your other blogs soon!


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JUST_SIMONE 8/22/2010 6:04PM

    You are a very talented writer, and your blogs always seem to resonate with me. I think there are plenty of good people that would support you in a more open forum (non-SP), but I think with such a personal subject, you'd want to be prepared for the occasional weirdo who doesn't have such supportive comments. I know I have very thin skin and tend to take those kinds of comments personal, so I try not to go there, but I think it depends a lot on the individual.

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HOPERISING 8/22/2010 5:52PM

    I've always enjoyed reading your blogs. Please keep 'em coming!

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Uneven weight loss fat distribution and the battle again

Saturday, August 21, 2010

I don't believe someone can be positive 100% of the time. The devil on my shoulder is still there, as much as I try to swat him away, whispering self doubt into my ear. At this point I really can see the weight loss and I have dropped 3 and a half sizes. I finally am feeling thinner and can see changes everyday which can be difficult when you are up over 300 lbs. Sometimes those changes happen so subtly it can be easy to get discouraged. Well now that I can see the weight loss apparently my body has chosen to turn me into a freak show. I am skinny on all my extremities and am losing all the weight on my upper body and breasts so now I look even more pregnant that before. I am super sensitive about looking pregnant because people in the past have asked me and I seem to carry all my weight in my stomach area. Hence the battle of "the muffin". I can't even find clothes that fit because everything is too tight on my waist and ridiculously huge everywhere else. Pants that semi fit make the muffin poonch out over the top. I had a mini-meltdown last night because I feel like it doesn't matter how much work I have done to get here I still look awful.
Am I whining? Yup and I am ok with that. Sometimes I need to feel sorry for myself to get a little perspective.
I am healthier and stronger than I have been in recent memory.
I am losing weight a steady healthy pace.
I can honestly say I am happy now which is something new to me.
My fiancÚ always tells me when I let the devil whisper too loudly. "You are were you need to be right now and you are going in the right direction." He is so right. Before I know it I will be at a healthy weight and this will all be an memory. I am excited to see how this journey turns out.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-JENSSPARK- 8/24/2010 10:24AM

    I know exactly how you feel. I often compare myself to a potato with toothpicks sticking out for arms and legs. That is a PITA to dress for sure! Hopefully the mood goes away soon and you will remember exactly how good it feels to be doing this! We all have these days.

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CALLIKIA 8/24/2010 9:44AM

    I felt like writing a similar blog today. I looked in the mirror this morning and said (out loud...but hubs was there so I didn't look 100% crazy) the scale says I'm up 2 pounds but WHY, oh WHY do I feel like I look skinnier today? And then I did the whole pouting thing about how I can't stay 366 forever and how I still have so far to go that I don't have time for this. My hubs had no words...he just stood there and stared (and felt completely helpless, I could tell..poor guy!).

I hate that we can't pick and choose where the weight comes off though! I want my body change to be like ordering off a menu dangit!!

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RAVENSONG37 8/24/2010 9:05AM

    I have the opposite problem...my arse is waaay huger than my waist so I can barely pull stuff over my thighs but then it's all wrong at the top...but you know what, that's getting better. The body holds fat where it wants based on your body shape...but it WILL go away!!!

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TKAYSMILES 8/23/2010 2:22PM

    Your BF has great words! We all get down sometimes, it is normal. Just don't let the downs get to you!! You are doing great! Keep it up!

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KISSIMS19 8/22/2010 10:49PM

    I 2nd the alterations tip! You have a fantastic attitude. It is hard - and it's supposed to be. It would be foolish and counter-productive to act like it isn't.Venting = necessary! Keep up the GREAT work... emoticon

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MARTELLA3 8/22/2010 3:34PM

    The secret of great fitting clothes is a great alterations person. Any time you see someone who appears perfectly proportioned, ask her who does her alterations. It's all in the fit!

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VITASANA 8/22/2010 1:58PM

    It's so awesome to see you handling this in a positive and healthy way! You are absolutely right! Sometimes, you do have to let yourself feel down, get it out of your system and then get back up when you're ready :) Thanks for motivating me to do the same! :)

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RONIE11 8/22/2010 1:52PM

    I have the same problem if my pants fit nice in the waist they sag all over and if they aren't sagging they muffin top my waist.. I see ladies who were form fitting clothes and wonder how they do it.. I just do strength training tageting my core and it seems to be evening things out a bit.. I have a ways to go but it helps.. you might want to try this.. best of luck..

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HOPERISING 8/22/2010 1:38PM

    I don't have any good advice. I just want to reach through the computer and give you a hug and tell ya, its okay to whine now and then.

A co-worker had this cartoon on her locker it read:

Women are not supposed burp or fart.
Therefore, we must b!tch or we will blow up.

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SJWERT85 8/22/2010 12:06PM

    You are doing great. I've been asked the same question and it is discouraging. BUT I just think hey, pretty soon no one will bother me with that again until I actually am! yay!! Good luck!

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LOUFANJESSICA 8/22/2010 11:42AM

    We all have those days where we forget about our accomplishments and feel bad about ourselves, but you will bounce back out of it. Losing weight and getting your body to be how you want it takes a lot of work and time but I believe that you will get there!!! emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/22/2010 11:24AM

    You're doing so well, you know in your heart that muffin will disapear, it may take a little longer, just keep your chin up!

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PRETTYINPUNK_04 8/22/2010 10:29AM

    Omg I know what you mean! I can never find cute jeans that fit me in the waist unless their too big in the thighs and legs. It sucks! Just gotta keep working towards those normal sized jeans that seem to be proportioned right LOL.

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POOKAQUEEN 8/22/2010 8:56AM

    He is totally right, you are going in the right direction and that's what matters. I'm there with you too, I'm losing weight and inches off the top, but not the bottom. I know it will balance out, we'll just have to feel awkward for a little while!

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MOMTO3BOYZ2000 8/22/2010 8:09AM

    This sounds so much like my posts of lately. You know that you are making progress, you know that you are doing the right thing, but dang it....why can't your body just cooperate with you a little bit more!?

It is hard to stay positive when you look at yourself in the mirror and all you seem to focus on is the negative things.....what looks out of place, the bulge that is now there that wasn't before.

This is what I have to do....when a negative thought /remark pops into my head...I HAVE to replace it with something positive.

Just remember, you are doing great...it'll just take time for your body to catch up!

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KATHLOW 8/22/2010 4:44AM

    i hear you on this problem! But you're smart enough to know it WILL come off...just not immediately. Just have a little whine to us and then it's onwards and downwards: -)

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KARLYNCANDOIT 8/22/2010 12:30AM

    Everyone has this issue~ And these days! You are not alone. Just keep on chugging and things will change big time! Like you said, you are doing so much for your health! emoticon

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MOXIE-IN-MOTION 8/21/2010 10:15PM

    I so understand you....at one time I joked that I needed to have a funeral to mourn the loss of my boobs...now, the bottom half caught up, and the girls are proportionate with the rest of me! It IS frustrating, but eventually things will even out.

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DESERTFLOWER8 8/21/2010 9:17PM

    I understand exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes you just need to let the pissy feelings blow, and this is a nice, safe, supportive place to do so. I know you know that tomorrow is another day...just keep moving along your path..you're doing great!! (((HUGS)))

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TRIP2HAPPINESS 8/21/2010 9:10PM

    Love the attitude. Your doing too emoticon, don't rush yourself. (I have to tell myself this, allll the time) emoticon

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BOURNBABE 8/21/2010 9:08PM

    Got a bad case of the whines myself today. Hang in there!

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JAMJOJAM 8/21/2010 8:59PM

    I can so relate to the dreaded muffin top, last Sunday hubby and I were invited out to our friends house for dinner. I was very happy that I could wear some smaller size jeans, but when I put on a t-shirt many different t shirts, all I could see was the *#%* muffin top. I am confident that with time and perseverence, we will see our muffin tops melt away. Never give up, stay strong. emoticon

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LAROSEBAUGH 8/21/2010 8:56PM

    I feel you girl, mine is my arms. I have so much extra fat and skin there it still makes me so uncomfortable. Also, I lose weight more on my left side than right side and it's really noticeable. We all have these days, you are beautiful just how you are! :D

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LADYSHERRY 8/21/2010 8:52PM

    I understand how you feel. When we lose the weight we are supposed to be magically beautiful. No stretch marks NO HANGING SKIN. I think thats the worst. You are doing great and yes its a good thing to whine a little bit. Try and buy a couple of dressed. Thats what I do when the pants look and feel wrong. emoticon

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MILNE81 8/21/2010 8:37PM

    I know it's a frustrating process and I'm so glad you have the support of your fiance. He can cheer you on when you're not cheering for yourself. I'm sure with time your body will even out. Right now I'm losing faster on the right side of my body so my belly isn't even at all!

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My Inspiration? Mom, down 90lbs, 7 years maintained!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I have been lucky to have an incredible mother. She married my father young. It was kind of like west side story. The nice girl from the good family that married the guy from the wrong side of the tracks. When you are young and naive you never imagine how bad people can be. My maternal grandparents were extremely religious and conservative and pretty much forced her to marry my father and stay with him when he turned into an abusive alcoholic. I can remember the tears in her eyes as she struggled to shield us from his wrath. When he wasn't drunk and breaking everything in the house, he was nasty. He called her fat every single day and used to try and teach me and my brother to call her that too. If she tried to wear makeup he would rub it all over her face because she was trying to "meet other men" and he even tore our television out of the wall because she was watching a TV show with Don Johnson in it.
I am not writing this to vilify my father. He himself was severely abused as a child and I decided long ago that I would not hold hate in my heart and chose to move on from my anger. Forgiving him allowed me to free myself from a lifetime of being a victim. The years of mental and physical abuse did shape me into who I am today and had a huge influence on my self esteem and weight problems but I am done letting it control me. I am proud that he has taken steps in recent years to take responsibility for his actions.
My mother stayed with him for 29 years. Her parents felt it was better to raise kids with a father than without, I am living proof it isn't better. When I turned 22 I bought a house and I remember I told her I was taking her with me. She looked at me in disbelief but she came and she filed for divorce. It wasn't easy and he fought her every step of the way. He didn't speak with me for 5 years and I was ok with that.
That first year after she left him it was like a rebirth. She started working out and getting back to the exercise that she always loved. I will admit she did not eat enough calories and she lost the weight in around 6 months. The more weight she lost the more dedicated she became to the gym and strength training. It has been 7 years and she has never gone back. Now she is a trainer and helps others on their journey. When she used to try and talk to me about it I used to get defensive and angry, always brushing her off. Now it is different. Last night we chatted until 11 PM about meal plans and fitness. She is even going to start using SP! I told her about my newest discovery PB2 (thanks slimkatie!) and I gave her some recipes. She NEVER cooks but she loves when I do and drop stuff off to her which I do occasionally. People do say ignorant things to her still. Just last week someone saw her and said "oh you didn't get fat again, everyone does". We laugh about it and it use it as motivation to make them eat their words!
If she didn't hate the internet I would post some pics of her for you to see how amazing she looks now. I will admit sometimes she wears clothes that embarrass her 32 year old daughter because I think they are too sexy lol but I am so proud of her for being the person she wanted to be. I am lucky have such an amazing person in my life.
Edit: It has been 9 years, not 7. I guess I was wishing I am younger than I am lol.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUTANTQUEEN 8/24/2010 11:35AM

    Wow. What a truly inspirational story. Thank you so much for sharing it. Your mom is a hero.

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RAVENSONG37 8/24/2010 8:59AM

    Wow...what an indcredible perspective you have. What is PB2?

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KATHLOW 8/22/2010 4:46AM

    thans for sharing, and now we know where you get that strenght...

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BETHV10 8/21/2010 3:47PM

    thanks for sharing this story. You really are an inspiration to me and many others I'm sure

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CARILOUIE 8/20/2010 7:42AM

    Go mom!
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story.

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JAMJOJAM 8/19/2010 10:05PM

    What an incredible story. I applaud you for forgiving your dad, you are so right to not let your past history cause you to be a victim. emoticon

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KATHYJO56 8/19/2010 9:35PM

    What an emoticonstory about you and your Mom. I think that both of you are very lucky to have each other. emoticon

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HEALTHYONE2008 8/19/2010 8:47PM

    emoticonstory.
This just goes to show that we can overcome all things if we set our minds to it.
emoticon emoticonto both you and your Mom

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TC9731 8/19/2010 8:34PM

    You and your mother are very remarkable and strong women. Keep being each other inspiration. emoticon

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POOKAQUEEN 8/19/2010 7:30PM

    You are such a strong person, and your mother is too. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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BOURNBABE 8/19/2010 3:17PM

    emoticon Great blog! Thanks for sharing!

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GODDESSLIL80 8/19/2010 3:17PM

    Amazing story! No wonder you're so strong, you take after that mama of yours!

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KISSIMS19 8/19/2010 3:09PM

    Yay for your mom! And Yay for you :) You are a dynamite pair.

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TKAYSMILES 8/19/2010 2:27PM

    Thank you for sharing! I can so relate to your journey! Again thank you for sharing it with us!!

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FIZZYBALL 8/19/2010 2:17PM

    I love hearing about success stories like your Mom's. It is very motivating.

Note: It is funny that you mentionned PB2. After SLIMKATIE mentionned the product on her page a couple of days ago I wanted to try it. I ordered a sample pack of both chocolate and origonal PB. It should arrive any day. I cant wait to try it...

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EAGLE101 8/19/2010 2:15PM

    Its too bad that we can't change history. Unfortunately, that's the way it was back then. Fortunately for those who lived through it (the abusive, alcoholic father - the submissive mother that was caused to believe she had no other choice) and learned from it may allow us to NOT pass these attitudes on to our children and grandchildren. We must continue sharing these stories with others. Thanks for sharing your's.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 8/19/2010 2:06PM

    An amazing story, about both of you!

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JENN26POINT2 8/19/2010 1:49PM

    Very inspirational! Thank you.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 8/19/2010 1:37PM

    PB2 is the amazing peanut butter. Check it out.http://store.bellplantation.com
/

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DESERTFLOWER8 8/19/2010 1:26PM

    Beautiful blog, Ashley! You are a wonderful woman, and strong enough to conquer any challenges that life throws your way!

P.S. What is PB2? I keep seeing references to this and I have no clue!!!!!!

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CUATROMOMMY 8/19/2010 1:01PM

    Wow! Your mom is a hero. She survived your dad and managed to break through with a victory of her own. Great job Mom!!!

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BLYNN710 8/19/2010 12:34PM

    Thanks for sharing. Your mom sounds like an amazing person. You will rock this and be successful.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/19/2010 12:24PM

    Thanks for sharing! Apparently you got your mothers strength and determination :)

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MADEMCHE 8/19/2010 12:22PM

    Ashley I am so happy for you and your amazing mother! What a woman! Now I see where all your strength and inner light come from! So happy that you shared your story and so happy that you helped her find herself. So proud of you! I love strong mom stories!

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SMATHEW 8/19/2010 12:21PM

    What a great testament to your mom! Now she can inspire so many others as well!

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SNAPPY_MOM 8/19/2010 12:19PM

    Thank you for sharing. I often wonder about people who lose, did they keep it off? Thanks for sharing her story. I know those storms have kept the two of you closer.

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ORGOLDENDUCK 8/19/2010 12:07PM

    What a wonderful relief and release for your Mom.....sounds like a very close and truthful relationship between the two of you!!!! Awesome job on giving her kudos!!!!

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KARLYNCANDOIT 8/19/2010 12:04PM

    This is a great blog! Thank you so much for sharing. You are handling things and will conquer everything~~ emoticon

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See ya later 290's, you're toast

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I waited the whole weekend to write this because I am always afraid I will somehow have a bad weigh in the next week and go back up but that is ridiculous. Part of my new found confidence is I am going to celebrate my victories when they happen and stop waiting for something bad to take it away from me.
Friday weigh in came in close to a pound under 290 and I really excited. I am finally seeing the results in the mirror and it is SO exciting. I wanted to do a crazy happy dance, which I am pretty prone to do, but breaking an ankle from dancing on a scale would be counterproductive to weight loss! This milestone brings me promptly to 55 lbs down. Woot, woot. Happy booty dance. emoticon Sometimes I am in a bit of disbelief but the reality is I am working hard at this and that hard work is paying off. I am making the smarter choices and if I have a bad day I just eat a little under my calories the next day and it all evens out. As I am being less rigid I am finding it is actually easier for the weight to come off because my body is constantly being challenged by different foods and different exercises. The support I receive on here is also the missing link I never had in the past. It is so great to be able to come on here and always find someone who is going through something so similar and who really gets what I am feeling.
My fiancÚ is so proud of me, that I am sticking with this. One time when I was at my heaviest we went shopping and nothing looked even remotely good on me. I burst in to tears in the store and he said it broke his heart to see me so sad. Now that he sees me happy, excited and making changes, he is thrilled. He is even feeling the spark himself. Never having had a weight problem he packed on an extra 15 lbs when he moved in with me a year ago and now he is drinking light beer instead of regular and cutting out his beloved morning chorizo and eating a healthier diet. It makes me so happy to see him making healthy choices as well!
I say this all the time but it is true. The rewards are worth it. We can all do this. Make the choice now to start living your life. You are worth it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRIP2HAPPINESS 8/21/2010 9:13PM

    emoticon, emoticon, and did I say emoticon?!?!?! emoticon is right! Your looking and doing wonderfully!

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MRSGOFARR 8/19/2010 10:57AM

    You are worth it honey!!! You are working hard at it and you will reach your goals because you will never give up. That is a huge concept for me. This is your LIFE and live it everyday to fitness and health as a new mantra to life!

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KATHLOW 8/19/2010 4:37AM

    you are doing great and kicking those 200-something's @ss!
Way to go ashley!

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MAMADWARF 8/18/2010 10:26PM

    so awesome! I love hearing the excitement in your voice and am so proud of you for sticking to it and working so hard...! woohoo!

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 8/18/2010 9:30PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MUSTANGMISSY 8/18/2010 9:13PM

    That's awesome! You go on with your bad self! What an accomplishment!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/18/2010 8:23PM

    I'm doing the Happy Booty Dance with you!!! Woot!!!

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MOMTO3BOYZ2000 8/18/2010 7:35PM

    I am so happy for you!!! Congratulations!!!!!!

You are doing so great - keep it up!

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TEACHERANG 8/18/2010 7:22PM

    You go girl! Keep up the great work!

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BOURNBABE 8/18/2010 7:00PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
So awesome!!!!

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JMERLAU 8/18/2010 3:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

AWESOME WORK ASHLEY!!! Keep it up girl

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ALLTHNGSPOSSBLE 8/18/2010 3:17PM

    Congrats!

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KEIRASMAMA 8/18/2010 2:30PM

    Way to go! You deserve to be proud of yourself and do that crazy happy dance. Very good work!

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KELLYC_14FAN 8/18/2010 2:27PM

    This blog made me smile!!! Congrats on the weight loss!!! That is awesome!

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BLYNN710 8/18/2010 2:21PM

    Congratulations!! You are doing great. Keep up your awesome work.

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DETERMINEDJANET 8/18/2010 1:55PM

    emoticon I am trying to say goodbye to the 280's so I totally feel your excitement! Thanks for the motivation today!

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TYCA41458 8/18/2010 1:32PM

    This is SO awesome Ash! Way to go!

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LOSIN4MYSELF 8/18/2010 1:24PM

    Congratulations! You are whipping my butt! I have got to get my motivation back, and blast through the 290s before the end of the month. No more excuses. I am just going to do it!!!

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PELESJEWEL 8/18/2010 1:15PM

    emoticon Awesome!!! You are working really hard and you are worth it! Yay you!

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PSYCHBAMA 8/18/2010 1:09PM

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!
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DESERTFLOWER8 8/18/2010 1:06PM

    I am SOOOOO happy for you! Your excitement and joy practically busrts off the page!! Enjoy this success and all the ones to come! YAY!!!!!!

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SEESTARS 8/18/2010 12:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I have to say that my diet and exercise efforts have taken a big boost since my husband joined in with his own goals.

And emoticon on saying good-bye to the 290's

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HEALTHYONE2008 8/18/2010 12:35PM

    emoticon emoticonI am soooo proud of you for hanging in there for the long haul. It sure is worth it. Keep it up, I will be doing the same.

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NEENSTER1 8/18/2010 12:35PM

    Hello, emoticon emoticon keep up the hard work. It definitely pays off and you are so worth it. Also, emoticon to your fiance. See you are making a difference in someone who you love life. That's progress all by itself. Be Encouraged girl. Your emoticon

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PORTLAND97206 8/18/2010 12:28PM

    Congratulations!! I will be meeting you there soon. By the way, you are the encouragement emoticon

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JEREMY723 8/18/2010 12:12PM

    I lost my weight on my own, and now I'm helping my wife (and losing a few more myself). It's so much more rewarding doing it together and with each other's support!

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GODDESSLIL80 8/18/2010 12:06PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MONKEYGETSFIT 8/18/2010 12:04PM

    Congratulations... you are doing amazing!! See, aren't you glad you didn't quit at the 7 week mark this time!!

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TODDJAMES 8/18/2010 12:00PM

    Congrats! And no dropping out in week 8!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 8/18/2010 11:56AM

    He rocks. I have never had someone support me the way he does. He doesn't want this to have a "hot" wife (even though that is what he will have :)). It is because he wants me to be happy and healthy. I am so lucky.

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FRECKS96 8/18/2010 11:54AM

    Woo Hoo!! Congrats and a big awesome for your other half, too!! Support in the "real world" is so important to our success, even with SP as a backbone.

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JENN26POINT2 8/18/2010 11:31AM

    Awesome for you! You deserve that booty dance!

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MUSICLVR2675 8/18/2010 11:24AM

    Love to see when someone's significant other is this supportive. Mine is learning with me and it's great when he brings up a valid point when all I want is to eat something unhealthy. Having a support system so close to home is such a great bonus.

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TISHSWANSON 8/18/2010 11:23AM

    I am soooo excited for you!! You're doing great and your motivation helps me to stay motivated! It's like a chain reaction! Keep up the good work and congratulations on kicking the 290's butt! emoticon

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AMBERAMA76 8/18/2010 11:18AM

    Way to go on 55-lbs! You will be at your goal weight before you know it!

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THEATERCHICK18 8/18/2010 11:11AM

    great blog! I say off that scale and do your booty dance :) Hey not only is it fun but it will help you burn some more calories in the end. GREAT WORK and so glad you have left 290-ville. YOU can do this and are truly an inspiration!

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KISSIMS19 8/18/2010 10:55AM

    Happy Booty Dance! AWESOME :)

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RED_WRITINGHOOD 8/18/2010 10:54AM

    Yay!!!! Congratulations girl!!! 290 be gone forever you kicked its booty!!!

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CUATROMOMMY 8/18/2010 10:47AM

    You are doing great.

Definitly dance to celebrate those victories. Hell, I'll join you. Ha!



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KARLYNCANDOIT 8/18/2010 10:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You are doing so wonderful!!! We will be here cheering you on and when you need help we will help you!!! This is your year~~ emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/18/2010 10:45AM

    FANTASTIC!!! You deserve to do the Happy Booty Dance... maybe not on the scale though :) You deserve this Ash, to be happy, to be healthy... you ROCK!!!
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MADEMCHE 8/18/2010 10:41AM

    So happy for you Ashley! You have done an amazing job, 55 pounds is awesome! I completely agree with you that SP was the missing link for me too. This is what I needed, seeing people like you inspire me to do better. I know that you are working so hard, then I had better work hard too! Love you girl!

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HOPERISING 8/18/2010 10:36AM

    Your blog is just overflowing with positive energy! Congrats on the new decade of weightloss!

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HEYPINK 8/18/2010 10:32AM

    that is SO awesome that you are losing weight.... but the best part is that your new found confidence is coming through - and you are chosing to celebrate that too, by celebrating the victories when the come. The journey is never just about the weight and that's so apparent here!

Congrats on a wonderful success and here's hoping to so much more!

-Sarah

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JERSEYDEBBIE23 8/18/2010 10:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
get up and do your happy dance! Shake your booty! emoticon
Keep up the good work! emoticon

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CECE0330 8/18/2010 10:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

CONGRATS!!!! You bet you need to celebrate every little victory!

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This is when I usually quit

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

So I am rounding out week 7 on SP and I just realized this is when I would always quit in the past. The weight loss coach I saw several years back, who was awesome, helped me realize that it is so important to recognize self destructive patterns in our own dieting behavior and it was like a light went off. I would always be crazy into it the first 3 weeks and lose a ton of weight. Then I would get cocky and let me portions creep back up at weeks 4 and 5 which we lead to a gain at week 6 and then apathy at week 7. By then I would start looking for excuses for my "cheating" and by week 8 I would be done. Convinced I had failed again and couldn't lose weight.
When I reflect on this cycle now I see it really had to do with my attitude. I viewed it as punishment. This was a diet and I was not supposed to enjoy it and I needed to punish myself for all these years I wasn't concerned with what I ate. I dreamed of the day when I was off the diet and could eat again. No wonder I always failed, I was setting myself up every time.
After vacation this past week I was really hungry over the weekend and really wanting to make poor choices and it started to scare me. I will admit up until this weekend making the healthy choices has been pretty easy for me. We went to the movies last week and my fiancÚ wanted to get popcorn. I said, "sure but tell them no butter and no extra salt and ask them to trade a water for the soda" over my shoulder as I headed to the ladies room. As I walked away I was laughing to myself thinking, who was that person? I didn't even have to think about it and the healthy choice just came right out. I felt proud because I realized how much I have changed my attitude. Then monster hunger hit this weekend and I was afraid I was going to screw up. Then I realized a) the TOM was coming and I always have this hunger surge hit me the weekend before so this was normal and b) I need to pay better attention to my bodies natural rhythms and instead of fighting them I need to learn to plan ahead. My past is not my future and I am enjoying this journey. It is different for all of us and we have to figure out what works for us to keep the momentum forward. Little setback, like the great pizza incident of Sunday evening, are not a reason to berate ourselves or a reason to quit. There is no other option for me anymore. I can't go back to my old life. I can't live obese anymore. I hope you come with me, we can do it together.
So tell me, what did you use in the past as a reason to quit?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TBRUGH78 8/22/2010 2:19PM

    Great blog! I am proud of you for realizing your patterns. I did the very same thing today. I had the most successful week so far with fitness and tracking my calories. But I stayed the same weight. This is where I would throw in the towel and give up saying to myself, "what a waste of time. If I can't lose weight with how hard I worked, then I will never lose weight". However, this time I said to myself, "just be proud of what you did accomplish and next week will be better". I realized this pattern without realizing I realized it until I read your blog. Thank you!
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VITASANA 8/22/2010 2:01PM

    I swear it's like you are in my head! This is blog is exactly where I am right now! I love when you said "As I walked away I was laughing to myself thinking, who was that person?" .. that's happened to me a few times and my sister is the one who keeps asking me, who are you? lol Anyways CONGRATS on being awesome!! :]

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RJ-CYCLES 8/21/2010 8:27PM

    Thanks - great caution and you're getting past previous hurdles! Good for newbies like me to keep in mind. Thanks again

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SIMPLE_TAILOR 8/21/2010 6:47PM

    My reason to quit was always just exhaustion with the whole thing The gradual process of this has really made it a change in how I approach food and life.

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JKBUNKLEY 8/18/2010 9:51AM

    Wonderful blog! I have learned that realizing the problem and admitting the true source of my not sticking to my plan is much different than having a consistent change in my behavior.

My problem has been emotional binging. Recognizing the triggers, taking away the guilt, and dealing with my emotions have been a process. Have I overeaten since I've recognized these things? Yes. Do I see progress through this? Yes. Have I used this as a reason to give up? No. I think that's the difference so far. Well, the guilt thing and the mentality to just keep pressing on.

So, I'm totally with you on your journey! Let's Make It Happen!

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KMCK117 8/17/2010 9:51PM

    This is a great blog! I am so glad you have realized the cycle and just getting back on track.
Reasons I have quit in the past are getting comfortable with program and slipping a few extra cals here and there..until it is a lot of cals and then forgetting to track!
I cannot slip into that pattern. I have to have to have to remember its a lifestyle change NOT a diet. and also that it takes time and hard work to get what i want..it doesnt come easy

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JEREMY723 8/17/2010 8:06PM

    I think I've kept on track while losing by seeing the end goal and realizing each day is a multitude of decisions either pro or con. Once I met my goal weight I fell off a bit but have since gotten back on.

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BEARDMUSIC 8/17/2010 7:58PM

    Your past problems with sticking to a diet plan sound just like mine! It is amazing how many of us all do the same thing. This time it is different because we have been set-up for a lifestyle change. Instead of dreaming what it will be like to eat junk again, we are learning how wonderful and delicious healthy food can be.

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CARILOUIE 8/17/2010 7:07PM

    Oh it is definitely the getting cocky thing that is my downfall. One week of eating bad, my pants still fit? I'll eat like that again next week. Pants are still ok... a little snug, not horrible. I can still eat whatever I want in whatever portion I want. Before I knew it, my pants didn't fit at all and I was right back where I started.
It took about 7382783 tries to finally realize that's what my problem was. I still definitely have splurge days (weeks!) but the difference now is that I don't let it turn back into a habit. Every once in a while I just don't feel like tracking my food, but I always go back to it.

I am with you!!!

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DRUMMERGURL4HIM 8/17/2010 6:30PM

    Well, I could just copy and paste what monkeygetsfit said, but there's more to it with me. Loneliness has been my excuse for quitting. I turned to food to fill a lot of voids in my life and it became a very bad habit. I could start a diet, start exercising, even lose a significant amount of weight, but sometimes when being alone hits, it hits hard. So, I'd get a pizza, ice cream, orange slices (my favorite "reward" meal) and park it in front of the tv--my hot date on Friday nights.

One of the challenges I agreed to when I joined Spark was to not eat in front of the tv. It took about a month before I finally got the willpower to beat it. That was two weeks ago.

I'm with you. I'm not quitting!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/17/2010 6:09PM

    I've been an emotional wreck all day, mostly due to TOM! I just ate 3/4 of a pizza and now I feel like garbage... I've been wearing my workout clothes since I got home knowing I need to get to it, but right now, I just want to curl up into a little ball and say "forget it, I've already screwed up why bother working out now?" However, like you, things are different this time. In the past, I totally would have just sit here and probably eat more, but not this time. I don't know why or what has changed, but I know we can do this... all of us! As long as we stick together and stay motivated together, we can do this!

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BOURNBABE 8/17/2010 5:58PM

    I would always fall off because I have a real self punishment issue. I wouldn't feel I "deserved" to be healthier, like being healthier was something you had to earn by being a perfect human being. emoticon I know nutty huh? lol. Good for you for recognizing what's going on in your head. Working on the mental part myself to keep on track.
We can do this! You such an inspiration!!

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KISSIMS19 8/17/2010 5:02PM

    I have quit because I was miserable trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations, because I was stressed (food is my crutch), because I was over confident in my successes... for so many reasons!!!

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JENN26POINT2 8/17/2010 5:02PM

    I always reached a plateau and no matter how hard I "tried", I could not break it, although looking back I neer actually "tried" that hard to break it... and instead, just slack off and eat what I wanted without working out. Not with my head hung low, but walking as a normal person, as if there was nothing wrong with quitting. But there is... and not this time. This time truly feels different than every other time. :)

I also join you in not quitting. :)

Comment edited on: 8/17/2010 5:03:18 PM

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RIGBY31 8/17/2010 4:17PM

    I would start looking "better", buy a (cute) outfit, get compliments, start feeling "normal". Then the next social event I'd go off, off again, again. Until I completely let myself ignore my weight project. Pretty much where I've been the last 3 weeks. But now I'm back with a vengence, refrig prepared, pantry de-toxed and focussed. Feels like I just came out of a fog. Whew! I won't/can't ignore my life.

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MONKEYGETSFIT 8/17/2010 4:03PM

    Haha... everytime I "quit" or everytime I spend a few months being the complete opposite of healthy, I use no reason.. I just do it. Pretty sad actually. It isn't until afterwards that I can look back and see that it even happened. I never made the decision to quit... I never though, "This is pointless, I'm throwing in the towel"... it was more like you said... cockyness in my success... cockyness in believing I could do it without tracking... cockyness in that I could have one or two splurges a week and maintain, and then the next month I'd convince myself I could have three and then four... and so on until I'm making bad choices for more than one meal a day.

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LISSAKAY77 8/17/2010 3:59PM

    This is actually the farthest I've been in a while. I've lost right at 20lbs and Ive been getting compliments. And now I've fallen off the wagon a little. I'm not watching my calories as closely and have gotten in the habit of not sparking everyday. It's not something I do intentionally, it just kind of happens and I have to kick myself in the butt and get back on track.

Thanks for this inspirational blog!!

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40PLUSANDFIT 8/17/2010 3:46PM

    I never truly dieted in the past.. at least not past day 2. Mine was always exercise it off. This time I am doing both (well adjusting my eating habits). I would start slipping actually when people would start noticing. That's just insane. It was like my cue to quit now, no need to workout any more. I made it six months the last time I was all gung ho and I looked DAMN good, but then I let life get in the way.

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JRIMM4 8/17/2010 3:31PM

    I never had a concrete reason, at least not one that I ever examined. I would make it about 3 weeks and then one day of splurging would lead to two then a week until finally the diet was forgotten.

JR

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 8/17/2010 3:26PM

    Glad you're sticking with it this time and you seem so determined to live a healthy lifestyle!! You can do it! emoticon

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CUATROMOMMY 8/17/2010 3:21PM

    I love this blog.

I used to manipulate my attitude to try to reason my poor food choices as something I deserved because I was stressed out. This is going to be a difficult one to break.

I'm soooo good at quitting when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle. I want to look back one day and say I didn't quit. I know it will happen...I just do.

So, yes, I'll join you in not quitting.

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