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Counting Down

Sunday, March 17, 2013

So - this week is Spring Break for my oldest 3, but not for my youngest two. Hubby and I were planning on doing some fun things this week to spend some extra time with the older kids while the younger one's were attending their classes.

Then my ex husband asked if we would take in his wife's 3 oldest kids on top of my own 5 for a week so that they could go drive cross country to see his wifes Grandmother before she passed on.

Being the good person I am, I said yes - he dropped them off for us on Friday night. I really didn't know much about his wifes oldest 3 kids. I knew there were a pair of 6 year old girl twins and a boy who is about 10. I guess I just assumed they would be similar to how my own kids of approximately those ages are... I was wrong SO SO SO wrong.

These kids of his wifes are addicted to all things electronic. If it doesn't play a video game on it, then it isn't worth the time of day. I'm pretty sure one of the twin girls is suffering from some sort of depression type issue.... She is hostile, always unhappy, and I figured it was because she missed her Mom but my oldest daughter (who's 13) says she's like this ALL the time, even at home with her Mom.

These first days have been ROUGH - I've been trying to wean these kids off laptops, DS's, and other contraptions that I don't have a clue what they are or how they work.. but I know they BEEP and WHIZZ and WHIRL all the bloody time.

Today was worse yet because the twin girls are now SICK - something neither my ex nor their Mother chose to share with me when dropping them and their brother off on Friday. (My oldest shared with me again that the twins had been sick on and off all this past week before being brought to my family) So now there's throwing up, and fevers, and even worse attitudes and moods. I have bent over backwards to make sure they have meds, caring, healthy food (Yes that's another thing, if it isn't processed within an inch of it's life, they won't eat it) and it's ungrateful city.

All they do is complain - I put together a little St Patty's Day party for them all despite the sickness, to try and brighten everyone up, I painted all the girls nails green, bought them little hair clips with gems on them, made a bloody st pattys day CAKE from scratch... Do they care... NO!

I just want to go into my bathroom, shut the door and not come out until next Sunday when it's all over.

I keep trying my absolute best - I haven't lost my temper with them yet, but I won't lie, it's testing my parenting skills to the breaking point.

ANY suggestions - for things I can do with them, (did park, coloring, playing with the plethora of barbies, arts and crafts, cooking and even going for nature walks) I just want them off these electronics and enjoying what it's like to be a KID!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYFUL78 4/4/2013 11:23PM

    wow, you are BEYOND sainthood... wow!

you are an angel in heaven with ALL that you do... lawrd YOU need a vacation,

Do something nice for YOU for a change..... its okay to do you now....


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SPARHIALA 3/18/2013 11:28PM

    Wow, you are a saint! If he's a good parent then he owes you one...that's something to look forward to in the future. :)

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SILVERWITCH59 3/18/2013 8:47PM

    OMG you sure do have a good heart. I pray your time with them goes by fast. emoticon emoticon

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HEALTHYAGER 3/18/2013 10:26AM

    We play WoW too Woobie, : ) it's not that we don't like electronics but that's ALL they do honestly - it's hard to even get them off the DS's etc to eat.

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DOVESEYES 3/18/2013 1:17AM

    Here's a thought take them to the park and go get a facial!!!!

Only kidding you are a our household hubby,son and daughter are electronic NERDS so I'm mostly on the outer.

I really feel for you but you sound like a great lady... hold on sunday is coming. Electronics can be interesting as Woubbie says.

Country Living Team

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WOUBBIE 3/18/2013 12:26AM

    You're gonna hate me, but what about showing interest in their electronics? Ask them about what kinds of games they play. Are there story lines to the games? What are the characters like? Are they hard to play - do they use a lot of strategy?

It's not always advisable to try imposing your family's standards on them; sometimes their lines of communication are electronic. Just a thought!

(Just as info, Woubbie is the name of my World of Warcraft avatar. LOL!)

Comment edited on: 3/18/2013 12:27:35 AM

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THEEXERCISER 3/17/2013 7:10PM

    enjoy tour day

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Day 3

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

So - just got in from my walk's the third day in a row that I've incorporated jogging into my normal walk. Now I use the word "jog" loosely as my pace while jogging is 4mph which is considered a very fast walk still according to the fitness tracker on SP and the one I use on MFP.

My joints and muscles however... disagree and are telling me YES YEEEES this is DEFINITELY a JOG!

Managing to get my water intake back up again, been shying away from the usual 12 to 14 glasses a day this past week so that I didn't have to run to the bathroom every 2 minutes while I was out doing errands. However I'm back to it today and already on cup 4.

I hope everyone is doing well - I admit to being incredibly happy here, 187.2 on the scale this morning, for those who know about my journey that makes 40lbs since November 8th 2012, but a total loss of 73lbs since I was at my highest weight. I'm hoping to hit the 170s by the time I go to California on April 10th. I'd love to surprise the people there with my "new and improved me" look.

Have a wonderful Wednesday all. Much love to everyone.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSY2442 3/14/2013 10:44AM


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THINAGIN2 3/13/2013 4:39PM

    Good way to change it up! You are doing great!

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Wagons Hooooo

Monday, March 11, 2013

After my tiny tumble off the wagon train of weight loss - I am back on it and am thankful my bender wasn't too terrible.

Today starts day 2 of my Spring Clean the house Challenge here at home, and day 2 of the Team HCG Challenge on my HCG team.

Hubby wants to have me try to jog today again - so going to the four way and back here in the neighborhood, it's about a mile - but has lots of hills, so slow going on the way out and hopefully not so bad on the way back. We'll see what happens.

Need to get my head in a healthy place over this week as Friday not only will I have my 5 kids here but am "taking in" an additional 3 kids for 8 to 9 days (my ex's 3rd wives 3 oldest kids - a 10 year old boy and twin 6 or 7 year old girls) - I like to think I'm the best ex in the world for being so damn nice.

Maybe I'll go treat myself to a hair appointment to get myself ready LOL

Have a wonderful Monday all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 3/11/2013 7:49PM

    Nothing better than getting your hair done to make you feel fantastic about your self- huge weekend ahead, but you'll do great!!!

y Living Team

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WYTRIX 3/11/2013 11:39AM

    Good job for getting back on the wagon, lol!!! Stick with it you can do this!!!

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LOSE4LIFE47 3/11/2013 9:47AM


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Help Me Please, I'm Slipping!

Friday, March 08, 2013

It's going to take a monumental amount of motivation to get me back on track in the morning. Please if anyone has some words of advice I could really use them right now. I know how I'll feel about myself if I mess this up, I'm 40lbs down, but I'm so tired too...I just need to find the will, and I'm struggling ... so badly.

Please let me get up in the morning and have found the encouragement to put my best foot forward.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HDHAWK 3/10/2013 9:59AM

    Start today by having a healthy breakfast and drinking you water. Take it one step at a time to get back on track. Get plenty of rest!

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GOPINTOS 3/10/2013 4:45AM

    How's your eating? Is that what is slipping or your fitness motivation? I find that if I can keep my nutrition in check, keep the bad foods out of my body, I have more energy and more mental clarity for all the other stuff. Good stuff in = good stuff out.

I couldnt get to that place though, until I cut all the bad stuff out - all the processed including breads, and wheats, and sugars. Very addictive. You hear many ppl say, oh I just can't give that up... well that may be very true, like cocaine. I do not believe in all things in moderation for everyone, not if something is a bad trigger food. For that person, that food is just like crack and no one would recommend a little crack in moderation. And you only know the affects after you eliminate it, see how you feel, and then try to add it back in and THEN see how you feel.

Nutrient deficiencies drive appetite so feed your body good whole foods. Pretty soon, when your body is well nourished, it will quit asking for so much food. If we feed our bodies junk, it just keeps asking for more in the hopes that eventually we will feed it something nourishing that it can actually use.

Anyways, for me this has become a lifestyle. So there is just nothing to quit. Yes some days are better than others, some days are more progress than others, but it is all progress. Doesnt have to be perfection. I am doing this to take care of my health. For longevity. To be around as long as possible with those that I love. So those are things that I do not want to quit. Weight loss is a nice by-product.


Country Living Team
Perfect Health Diet Team
Wheat Belly Team
Calorie Cycling Team

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SCHUBERTR1 3/9/2013 8:05PM

  how's the 5K training going? Do you REALLY want to run it?

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GLC2009 3/9/2013 1:44AM

    If you don't take of your body, where are you going to live?

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SILVERWITCH59 3/8/2013 8:47PM

    You are the only you, you have. You are worth the work. We all feel like this at times. Maybe you just need to change your routine up a little bit.40 pounds is a huge accomplishment. There are so many people that wish they could get to that point.Take a deep breathe and look over your goals and the reason your made them. Just take this journey one day at a time. It took a while to gain the weight it will take time to get it off. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEBOP4ME 3/8/2013 7:03PM

    Go through all the motivational quotes on the website. After reading them, it is sure to motivate you!

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March 3 Really really long.....Read with care.

Sunday, March 03, 2013

Recently I had the opportunity (I choose the word opportunity specifically instead of using the instinctual word DUTY that first came to my mind) to participate in some family together time (first thought on word choice...drama). I took away quite a few things from the encounter - and I'm struggling a bit with my feelings about how I am perceived by my family and my role in my family as a whole. I'm referring to my family outside my husband and children, extending to my Mother, Brother, his spouse, their kids etc.

I am the "Peacemaker" - with a capital P. Generally this role can be fulfilled by phone contact as I am not in the same state as my Mother, my Brother and his family. The situations are generally mild and "easy" to fix. Some frank honest advice and the situation diffuses. However...recently that was not the case.

Add to this now that there are certain ways in which my family views me. My Mother has always seen me as a "mini her" - my goals in life, my family life, everything really needed to have some tie to her paths through life for her to feel secure in my life, my choices etc. The side bit to this is, she really isn't actively controlling and to a point I've just "made do" with decisions I've made to make her happy. By made do, there were no overtly positive or negative feelings that I had towards jobs that I had because she'd be happy I was in that particular job etc.

She's not blind to the fact that I am my own person and make my own decisions, for instance my tattoos - or the fact that I dye my hair - nothing unnaturally colored but still, it's brunette currently rather than my natural blondish red. She makes the offhand comment now and again - but seems unwilling to accept these "quirks" of mine.

Now my brother is 41 to my 33. It doesn't matter that I am successful, have a happy marriage going on over a decade, healthy happy kids, really everything that he doesn't have going on...he STILL see's me as a kid. Any discussion we've ever had when it comes to "Peacemaker Cara" he talks to me like I'm 5, and couldn't possibly understand the complex nature of the problems at hand. However... he follows my advice - because in his words "He doesn't want to hurt my idealism" - and when things work out, he lays it on the back that the positive outcome was a FLUKE.

The background set here - this most recent fight in the family between my Mother and Him and his family has gone on literally 6+ months. He lost his job 3 years ago, having never invested in a future beyond the now with his pay checks - he was clearly in trouble and had no place for his family to live. He called my Mom - and asked if his wife (Who has severe issues with people) and their 3 kids (all of whom also have severe issues) could move in for a "SHORT" amount of time, until they were back on their feet.

My Mom has not always felt the need to care for her kids, and grandkids. Since losing my Dad however that's become opposite - it's now all about caring for all of us. This woman works stupid hours a week, in a job that she clawed her way into over years of being under appreciated, under paid, and had to plow through years upon years of schooling in her life etc. This job, represents at least to me - "the choice" - it was her choice to work towards this job rather than invest herself into raising my brother and I. Now that she's achieved "the job" and my brother and I are grown the focus shift is now on taking care of us.

Anyways, as you can bet, it get's old having what amounts to free loaders in your house for 3 years. No one is working, the kids have destroyed her beautiful home - I was there in October and it looked like a land mind had gone off in that house. I was sick to my stomach the whole drive out recently knowing what we'd find when we arrived.

It was the same damn thing.. again. Me playing the Peacemaker. Calm the people who felt that yelling was the way to be heard, offer cold hard facts in the face of denial. Offer plans, offer to help execute those plans. Things settled - my husband, kids and I were set to drive home. When we were getting ready to go my Mom stopped me and pulled me aside - she said she was so happy that I ended up being this wonderful woman and how I was this wonderful "face" in how I chose to represent my physical appearance. *I hid 3 of my tattoos the entire trip from her with long sleeves - because I didn't want to disappoint her*

We got home and what did I do... got another tattoo. I'm even considering putting cherry red streaks in my hair.. AT 33! But here's the "thing".... these things are the real ME. I'm free spirited, I love my tattoos, I would love dying my hair something UNNATURAL! However generally I hold myself back from being who I am - comparing the who I am, to the who she wants me to be, the ... who she thinks I am... because I'm scared if I went to her and said, I don't want to play Peacemaker anymore, I want the role of "daughter who is loved unconditionally with or without my tattoos, hair, whatever job I have....* I fear she'll get that look that I've seen before - the one I used to see my whole childhood, where she just turns off and sends her focus elsewhere.

What I really want to tell her when she tells me that she's SO proud of my weight loss (40lbs in 4 months) is that I FINALLY was able to make this huge step in my life because I was feeling like I was finally coming out as ME. Living here in a different state with a supportive husband and kids who love me as I am....I was free to develop that sense of MYSELF! If I was forced back into being that woman she thinks I am all the time, I'd gain all of this back - I couldn't maintain progress when I'm stifling the very essence of who I am.

I'm torn. Depression is seeping in, and I'm left going back and forth between should I tell her, or shouldn't I. Or do I just... keep being me "secretly" all the damn time - hiding myself only on those times that we're in the same state again.

I just really needed to vent, and I'm sorry this ended up like a book, but I feel slightly better for putting it all out there.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOVESEYES 3/3/2013 11:17PM

    My Mum was similar and I always felt I had to get her approval, when I went to visit I was put aside for the brothers and I felt 5 again waking up wondering what mood she would be in today.

Eventually in my 40's i might add I said "no" to her when she was trying to get me to bucle under AGAIN and I was free!!! We developed a new relationship where I was an adult and we got on better than we ever had.

Now I'm not saying this will happen with you. You have to come to your own 'light bulb ' moment.

But I feel for you!!! Hold tight to your hubby and kids and enjoy your life!!!

Country Living Team emoticon

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