Monday, December 31, 2012
First off lets just say I had a super birthday, one of my best, I wasn't sad, I was happy I enjoyed my breakast with hubby, smiled asked him what he was looking at, he said a beautful you. awee we went to the mall and I bought thanks to dad another bead for my bracelet. Then ds called and they were going to come over, but was easier for us to go there, he and wife and kdis got me a neat set of sound of Music. It has blue ray and reg, and a book with the story and pics, and a small music box that plays My fav things, and has room for a few favorite things! I love that movie perhaps cos when I was 9 we lived in Germany and went to Salzberg,Austria and I hid behind the same tombs, stood at that fountain etc. Dd and sil bought me another bead, and a small snowman ornament for the tree. Awesome. And think I allready mentioned the bead with dog paws from hubby and Allie. So for the first time in ages, I had a good day, basked in ME, thanked all my FB nd SPark friends for their wishes and just had a good day. having a glass of wine and thinking of my goals.
I changed my ticker to exercise mins rather than wt lost. I want to lose between 40-50 lbs but will see WHEN I get closer. I more than that want to be healthy, fit and happy. I NEED to get healthier for me and my body so that is the priority. I hope to make it an enjoyable and totally doable LIFESTYLE. yea yea hubby says lifestyle but I do want to be able to do this forever.
To be healthier means a few things... mind, body and spirit. I do acknowledge that they all go together and also that I need to work on them all. But I am focusing on body for now. I am sure that if I feel better physically my mind and spirit will come along for the ride.
Well edited this 2x, felt it still wasn't right, and then read a blog that said what are your goals and how do you plan to work life around them... well sort of said that. lol
And I realized that as I wrote what I have now deleted, I was thinking hmmm that is tomorrow... hmmm how do I do that Mike is home... and allready other things were coming to mind to knock out what I figured I would do. So even though I made smart goals, they were too hardfast for me to work life in around them. So for now and probably the month of Jan. I am going to work at this, day by day... hr by hr if need be.
I will exrcise daily and not just dog walk. Hoping to put in 3x wk of strength training and 2 x wk at dd with her machines ( my old elliptical and her treadmill) I had it down to specific days but then realized that every other monday or thurs he is off so that won't work.. butif I am flexible enough to say that this week I have to go to Lisas on Tues and Friday... then good i will still go rather than m, w, opps can't go friday so oh never mind.
I am going to try super hard to eliminate sugar I don't add it to tea, or oatmeal etc. so if I get rid of most processed stuff I will be doing well. I do want to figure some menus up as I tend to get in the don't want to make supper mode then we don't eat well.
So for Jan I am going to eat better........drink my water.......... exercise daily........... walk allie and THINK POSITIVE!! That will all help me reach goals such as be healthier and fitter by my next birthday.
HUGS and this time I feel better about my goals. not so overwhelming and restricting even though they may not be smart enough, I was smart enough to realize the others weren't me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wow we have had Allie for 89 days and I have walked her at least 3x daily! Thanks Allie you are the reason I didn't gain over the holidays!LOL
Well it is my birthday!!! I honestly think this is the first year I remember that I am not sad, still had tears, not sure why but they were okay tears. Just like wow it is my birthday. I think that has something to do with not allowing myself to be important or visible.
I got up this am, before Allie and went and wrote in my journal. I just wrote what I thought. I wasn't going to share it as it is nothing amazing but then thought yea I will as some of you will know how much it is important to me.
Dec 31 happy birthday to me and I mean it. I deserve a happy day, not a woe is me day. Only I can do that for myself.
The words above are some of what I wish for myself this year. They are all attainable but I will need the STRENGTH to start and continue on my way. This year must be about HEALTH ( all aspects of it) I have too much pain and issues to not make my physical health a priority. I am putting into effect an action plan for healthy eating, exercise for my body and its pains, and taking the time for my mind, promoting SELF-CONFIDENCE, PEACE, CONTENTMENT and LOVE. I am taking the time to relax, enjoy the "Simple things in life". Another gift I will give myself is JOY - joy of love, laughter, companionship, quiet time, but just joy. I will also spend more time with Thomas and Eva and relish their child like wonder of things.
One main issue is worry, we all worry, but I know how to do that better than anything else in my life. Wwell this year it is taking a back seat, when I start to worry, I will remind myself that worry changes nothing, postiive thinking may not change everything but it will make things easier. All this is going to be hard for me but none is impossible.
So............ those are not SMART goals, but more a guideline for my new year, my 56th year of life. My only wish is that I had been able to do it many years sooner, but this year I will try harder as I am not happy in my life as it is. For the most part it is me that has to change, some issues revolve around hubby but I myself, allow him too much control that he doesn't even know he has. It is my lack of self confidence that does it. When I married, I stopped evrything I wanted to be married, have babies more than anything. Yes many from my era ( OMG lol that sounds old) wanted that, but I to the exclusion of ME.I had no interest in anything other than him and kids. Yes I did when the kids were young, take up ceramics and that got me out of the house etc. But actually in the later years, seems my insecurity has gotten worse although some of that has been because of his depression anxiety which has left a large mark on me, and us. So this year if I want to go to the kids, I will , he doesn't have to come, etc. That is all in my making and my choices. He tells me that and says if you want to go then go... if you want to... then do it.
New year, new lessons, new challenges, and I am up for it. I will become more concerned for ME. that is not selfish that is self care.
HUGS and Hope you all have a great 2013 with lots of self love and care in there too.
Now lol to figure my goals............ well maybe I wake hubby up as we are going out to Coras for my birthday breakfast and I am getting hungry! LOL fruit and something.....
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Hi sparkers... have had a good day and actually today and yesterday eve have been regular days, no sad sack here. Which is highly irregular and so welcome. We took dad with us out for breakfast, and other than walks with allie we have been home. Well my walks, lol not hubby although he did shovel the driveway, he still isn't feeling well.
So been thinking what I can do that is different from any other year, or else how can I sustain any of my new ideas. It isn't so much doing it is sustaining. For instance I am craving choc. right now, well there is choc here but on the first I was thinking what can I have... I want to get sugar out.. I have done pretty well with flour for the most part and even more so want sugar to not have such a hold over me.
I also have to keep exercising, I am doing well with Allie being my walking partner although she must learn to heel better as when she pulls it really hurts my back and have been getting odd little sciatica pain in my R butt. NOt what I need at all. I don't want to resort to a haltie or gentle leader, I want her to be able to walk properly at any time.
But I need to get on the strength training bandwagon, I wish I could afford a personal trainer to help me or that my sil would do it or take me seriously. I think she is still too self concious to do it with or for family. I know there are tons of short ones on here and I will have to check them out and print them off. Also I have a book of them, and also a small pamphlet of stuff for bad backs and knees so can use them .Continue to do the knee strengthning stuff for pre surgery. EEEK.
Okay well going to go upstairs and continue sorting in craft room, so much stuff and got the table, large bookcase, and paper holder bookcase cleared. Not doing the closet. lol
Then have a few things to move in my exercise room and get the pump for my ball and will be good to go.
I started back to drinking 1 of my water bottles so will be back to 3 a day jan 1.
But have to get a plan. I will think and write. I got a binder with blank pages and also a small notebook. I want to keep track of food not only for cal. reasons but cos dr said to see if I can figure what was causing the pain in my belly. Haven't had it again and eating the same things.
Okay off to do a bit, and get ready for tomorrow. I hope to go to the mall, find a warmer hat, adn waterproof mitts or gloves on sale. Otherwise not sure what we are doing, Oh going out for breakfast tomorrow just hubby and me for my birthday at Coras as they have fruit and we have gift cert. from ds and dil. Kids will be over at some time, at least dd will as not sure what ds has to work and he hasn't been well again, called in sick day before yesterday as thought that kidney stone was passing but figures not yet. Geesh.
Hugs and cya in the am!!! I am going to have a plan! lol SMART goals. I know.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Well I must say I have had a good day. Even though I have been very introspective, I haven't broken down or gotten melancholy. Thanks to some spark replies, spark messages, I again feel as if I am doing okay and don't always have to be looking for a huge"purpose" in my life.
But for now, I am going to go do some stretches and then going to go soak. I wish I used my sauna more, but I hurt to sit in it as it is a one person and I have to sit up pretty straight which really bothers my back. I have such poor posture, that is one area that I was weepy, Saw myself in the mirror side on and what a dowagers hump I will get if I am very very soon not careful. I seem to slump cos my lower back feels better, but when I do my B,D,C,C I feel so much better. That is my short form for hold shoulders BACK, let them rest DOWN, CROWN of head up, and CORE. but since having poor posture since getting breasts at age 12, it has been a long time. I so remember and now wish I had listened to mum, poking me in the back hold your shoulders back you will be glad....
Okay off to have a soak..... HUGS and many many THANKS!!!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
had to look at the bottom corner of the screen to see what day it was. lol. Sunny, cold and an okay 2 walks, she didnt listen well and I am still sore. Better than last night when I had a lot of pain in my back and my R knee, didnt sleep well at all fitbit says 88% and I do believe it for sure this time. Not tired now , just not rested. Oh well.
Wish hubby would feel better soon, he is coughing and no energy at all. He even said he has things he wants to get done, but even going out to stand the compost bin up after the wind knocked it over tired him out. I don't let allie go wake him before 9 :30 now figuring he needs his sleep but he is also getting into that not being tired and going to bed at 2;30 -3 which isn't good for him.
So have read 3 blogs on New years eve and by the last one I was sad, and nearly crying, man it all comes down to my birthday and how I so don't like it. I don't mind the attention, the happy birthdays etc. I think it is cos I allow it to be the END of the YEAR that I have failed myself yet again. Then I get into am I not worth it even to myself... then spirals from there. So read the last one and thought better blog this out or will be a blubbering mess.
I know I have done good for me things this year, I also have done good for others. I can't allow myself to only see that I didn't get to a goal especially when I don't set good goals.
I know I say I will lose or exercise, or eat well etc. but also know that I am like most, hard on myself.
Anyway....... same ole thing this year... putting myself down and not letting myself see or acknoweldge the good, the healthy, the being nice to me that I did do.
For now I hear dh coughing so he is awake. I am going to get the kettle on as I haven't had a cup of tea yet and we both will want one. I sometimes wish I could just go away all alone for a day/night in a small cabin with woodstove, me tea, journal, books and a good fire going with a warm bed. lol DD asked me what I wanted for my birthday, wouldn't they all be some surprised if I said that! I have never been away alone since I was married, other than to go to take the kids to my parents when hubby was away on course. I did take a day trip with girlfriends to anothers house about 18 years ago.
One of those retreats for women... oh yea, hubby actually said we could go to the one in ON sometime, drive and camp then I could go do that for the 3 days and he and dog would camp. Have to think about it.
HUGS and now to go have hot cup of tea on this sunny but cold cold wind day!
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