Sunday, September 23, 2012
Boy did it ever rain last night, fast and furious so much so that the back area is flooded again. Oh well thats okay I don't have to go there. lol
So was on the puter till midnight last night going through sites and info etc. and then didnt' wake till 9:20 super late for me! Was tired after breakfast but then picked up energy. DD had sent me an email that she told the rescue owner that we would be amoung the ones applying for a puppy etc. so read that to dh and then went to my next email. Few mins later he said go back to FB and look at that puppy okay what He said I want tyou to apply for the bigger one. Okay ...... I tell you - we both know it isn't time, we both miss marlo, but when hubby wants a puppy then he has fallen in love cos he can say no to any I show him. So applied and so did quite a few others. I hope that with dd fostering and also telling them, it will up our chances but if not okay. I was fine with it later on that eve.
that is her sweet face, he has really fallen for her. I liked her sister as well as she is a reddish colour. I think he remembers marlo in this one. But we have lost more than one dog so know there is no replacement.
Food wise, have done great today. I have decided to stay off wheat, not just because of GMO etc but cos I know if I eat it I get cravings, there is no such thing as one cookie for me. I will concentrate on veggies and fruit ( trying harder to limit it or at least to more berries, apples etc not bananas which I could eat tons of...) and limit as I have been processed foods.
So healthy veggies, meat ( less that I have been with more fish Hmm hubby won't like that oh well lol) and frut. and on occasion if out or with co. a dessert which doesnt always mean sweet, could be apple crisp or something not just cookies or cakes.
Exercise will be as my body lets me, which for now is a bit at a time. I am fine with that cos was so bad for so long just happy to be able to move. Also helping with renos and painting. Oh and can't forget my 2 hrs monday eve tai chi! LOL hoping by mid Oct to go back to back care yoga, but will see.
So now have acorn squash and sweet potato in oven roasting and will make some meat in bit. Going to make less meat for me. May steam some green and yellow wax beans.
Gotta go for now but thanks for the replies. hugs and lots of love. I needed it as we all do from time to time.
Cya and have a great eve/day!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Here I am in one of those tooo much thinking modes again! I am not eating enough and not eating particularly good either. Seems I start this after a while of primal paleo eating.
I have been on MDA ( marks daily apple for those non primal paleo souls) for the past 2 hrs reading diff. threads on the forum.
""You should work on listening to your body. Eat what it wants... hell, even if it's not primal. If you find a way to eat that allows you to simultaneously enjoy eating WITHOUT obsession, worry, or fear... that's the "sweet spot". "
found that on there... someone had said that Primal had given them an eating disorder. she was having a hard time going primal and not wanting carbs. People responded some comiserating, some saying well dont do it then some saying suck it up. whatever when I found that I thought That is what hubby keeps saying. but with a diff. he feels that you can have willpower and you are not addicted to sugar, or carbs. I disagree with that totally . but I also agree with what I put up there from the other person.
Seems my problem this past while is I am getting totally obsessed with GMO and chemicals not just that a food may or may not be primal but that it is so totally bad for us. So if I was to not eating all the processed junk and stay away from sugar, then that is nearly primal anyway so maybe I have to change my outlook and think dont eat junk and so much processed. Okay but then it still brings me back to my hardest question.... breakfast....... lol and again for Grokgranny EGGS! LOL
I am not really laughing cos this is getting obsesive and I am not eating. Then I end up not eating healthy either. I also have to make myself KNOW that I am worth the time and I have the time to make that salad. For months I was doign well with smoothie or salad everyday, then the meds and pain were back and now I am wanting carbs.
So after writing this, I will say we had chicken soup homemade for supper, I was starving after, there are brownies on cupboard and haven't had any all eve. and nothign else. Nearly had 2 slices of toast but had no butter to put on it, was all froze. and heaven forbid marg. with all that chemicals.
OMG I have created a monster in myself. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
I think I am finally grieving marlo... I have been looking at puppy pics on the 2 foster places that dd deals with. She fosters for one. Anyway, there are these 2 puppies who just caught my heart. I have been looking at lots, and sending pics to hubby and sent these 2 and we sat talkign about them one at each computer. This is the first time he actually did more than say yea, not now. So dd called said they are at the local petcetera and oh they are sweet and soft ect. so I called them said yes they are there, they are not for sale, but we are havign them to show for cool dogs. Yes I know can we see them yes. So we headed out and got there she said you can look at them but thats all. Not what I was told on phone. I said well mydd fosters for this rescue and she went in. Oh that was me and I shouldn't have let her.... so hubby stormed out just cos of the misunderstanding. Boy his fuse is so friggin short. I left and we got the plumbing stuff and then the door. I called dd told her, she felt bad cos she told us to go see them. not her fault.
And on the way home, we were both quiet, I said what are you thinking about, thinking it isnt' the right time. I agree totally but now am sad. sadder than when she wouldnt let us go in. Anyway I miss marlo.
Funny enough Hubby finally got to go through the records as I mentioned, calling out do you remember.... some I did some were our time some were mums time, I said OMG tom jones delilah mum and I used to dance around and sing that, oh what eveer. then he said good night Irene and I said with catch in my voice mum used to sing that all the time, so often and started to cry. I was talkign to dd later about the dogs adn told her about the songs and barely could tell her.
SO now I miss my mum and my dog and jsut want to eat........ nothing here not even fruit I want. salad fixings and apples but no thanks. i want home made buscuits and or ice cream or oh I dont' know I lknow I dont really want that I say as I wipe the tears from my face. OH MAN.
Editing to say I am fine now, just was frustrated. now am only frustrated at myself lol same ole same ole lol
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Slept in today till 9:30! haven't done that in years. We told dad we would meet him at 10:15 so some quick stepping for the two of us . lol
Had a good day mostly. Friends that we saw 2 wks ago, when they brought their son down to university texted saying we are here want to meet for coffee. Well they were bringing ds back to uni. and had their older one with them. HMM?? he lives on the other coast of Canada. Here was story, our friend Ian's mother passed unexpectedly and they were home fro funeral. So sad that it was, was nice to see them again so soon.
I am struggling again. I wish to high heavens that I could just stick to something, something that was healthy and good for you. I can do primal for months and then bang it is back to wanting and craving sweets. But really if I think of it not really craving bread just sweet. Perhaps have had too much sugar and that has started the carb craving again? I don't know but know there is nothing I want. 2 wks or so ago when I was hungry an apple was awesome, today not at all. I want cookies lol that would be a real mess wehat and sugar.
Anyway I know if some of you say moderation is the way, I have tried that for 30 years and doesn't work, I either can have no sweets ie cookies etc. or eat them. There is no happy medium. So I chose not to have them. Fine, but then started on the it is too hard to find stuff to eat. I know my portion control is wrong probablly but I don't really know.
So tomorrow will be start day again. I HATE saying that cos so often I just am lieing to me and you. But tomorrow I start the beginners tai chi so figured, if I do that as a start, and go back to eating better I can say mid sept was my start.
I think also that I am discouraged cos I really felt in my heart that this year I could change, Yes I did I ate healthier for more part of this year than I ever have. Then in May my pain started up again, I allow that to be "more of an issue" than I should. Many on here are on the chair team and have much worse pain than I. But my all or nothign gets in the way and I tend to think well drs have said don't walk and actually as most know there was time I couldnt' walk but I could have biked some, or did the chair stuff etc. Also doesnt help having a hubby say don't do.... you will hurt yourself and also you over do it evrytime, ( yes I do mostly!)
So tomorrow am........... healthy breakfast hmmm no fruit in house nothing much even though I got groceries. nothing good on sale this week and have to say with fall winter wont be as much choice and more $$. I just don't know what to eat other than eggs.......... have a spark friend that laughs at me and my eggs issues. lol but no idea how she can eat such limited fare. hats off to grokgranny!
Okay off to figure my day and get to bedf earlier than I did last night.
Monday, September 10, 2012
WOW what wind and rain, that is what woke me up instead of the alarm. lol I have chiro earlier today so we have to leave by 9 am., so was fine to be woken up at 7:30! lol
It is still humid and close as mum would say, even though it is pouring and windy, hurricane type weather. I will have to look and see how close "Leslie " is to us.
So weighed myself last eve, OMG I am so disgusted, yes I gained with the prednisone and yes some was my own fault but have gained yet again. Hubby says check your pills cos I haven't seen you eating lots more or anything. Sure enough........ so hoping that today I will feel well enough and do the bike, even if it is in 10 min spurts. I can't even believe I was below 180 so far from that now. Oh well will weigh this am, as I should know better than weigh at night, and yes it is only a number but know I have gained.
So today is chiro,then reno and then figure what we need for plumbing and maybe go get that. At 4:30 go to homedepot and get ds stove for him so that when he gets off work they can bring it into the house. Lets hope it stops raining some by then or it will be soaked. Geesh well at leas the box will be.
have to go shower now, and get ready to leave soon. Hope you all are well and will try to get here daily again! LOL
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