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Sad and crying

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I think I am finally grieving marlo... I have been looking at puppy pics on the 2 foster places that dd deals with. She fosters for one. Anyway, there are these 2 puppies who just caught my heart. I have been looking at lots, and sending pics to hubby and sent these 2 and we sat talkign about them one at each computer. This is the first time he actually did more than say yea, not now. So dd called said they are at the local petcetera and oh they are sweet and soft ect. so I called them said yes they are there, they are not for sale, but we are havign them to show for cool dogs. Yes I know can we see them yes. So we headed out and got there she said you can look at them but thats all. Not what I was told on phone. I said well mydd fosters for this rescue and she went in. Oh that was me and I shouldn't have let her.... so hubby stormed out just cos of the misunderstanding. Boy his fuse is so friggin short. I left and we got the plumbing stuff and then the door. I called dd told her, she felt bad cos she told us to go see them. not her fault.
And on the way home, we were both quiet, I said what are you thinking about, thinking it isnt' the right time. I agree totally but now am sad. sadder than when she wouldnt let us go in. Anyway I miss marlo.
Funny enough Hubby finally got to go through the records as I mentioned, calling out do you remember.... some I did some were our time some were mums time, I said OMG tom jones delilah mum and I used to dance around and sing that, oh what eveer. then he said good night Irene and I said with catch in my voice mum used to sing that all the time, so often and started to cry. I was talkign to dd later about the dogs adn told her about the songs and barely could tell her.
SO now I miss my mum and my dog and jsut want to eat........ nothing here not even fruit I want. salad fixings and apples but no thanks. i want home made buscuits and or ice cream or oh I dont' know I lknow I dont really want that I say as I wipe the tears from my face. OH MAN.

Editing to say I am fine now, just was frustrated. now am only frustrated at myself lol same ole same ole lol

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GGMOM06 9/24/2012 10:46PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CHRISTINASP 9/23/2012 2:47AM

Just take your tiime to grieve.... I know it's hard but we must do it to be able to move on - you can't just force yourself to move on. You loved Marlo.... of couse you miss her... and the feeling of loss will just extend so you will feel the pain of other losses, too... basically I believe that is a healing pain...
I think it's a good idea to not rush into getting another dog. It can't replace the dog you lost... won't take away the grief, that will just take it's time. I think.

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HOUNDLOVER1 9/23/2012 1:03AM

    I'm glad that you can grieve the dog that you lost, even when it's hard. I hope you can come to the place of mostly fond memories soon. I've lost several dogs over the years and it never gets any easier.
I know that there will be another dog for you, and it will work out when the time is right, it always does.

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/22/2012 7:24PM


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ELIZRN 9/22/2012 7:19PM

  How wonderful that you were able to be in "that food place" & to see/feel it clearly & then move out. When we get to see how our emotions are connected to our desire to binge & especially the specific foods....that is SO MUCH SELF-CONTROL & GROWTH. That is coming up the ladder to Divinity.

Another thing....think about the dog that is truly meant for you & waiting. It is there.


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JOYINKY 9/22/2012 7:17PM


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TEMPEST272002 9/22/2012 6:23PM

    Hugs. Grief is a funny thing - it comes like the ocean in ebbs and flows. Icecream will not make you feel better. Having a little cuddle with hubby might.

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 9/22/2012 6:00PM

    So sorry Cindy, it is so difficult for you at the moment, so much going on!!!

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GETSALONG 9/22/2012 5:30PM

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SCRAPPINPOLLY 9/22/2012 5:14PM

    I'm so sorry about the loss of your Marlo and your mom. Grieving is so hard to go through. I hope you have a good weekend.

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Sunday eve

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Slept in today till 9:30! haven't done that in years. We told dad we would meet him at 10:15 so some quick stepping for the two of us . lol
Had a good day mostly. Friends that we saw 2 wks ago, when they brought their son down to university texted saying we are here want to meet for coffee. Well they were bringing ds back to uni. and had their older one with them. HMM?? he lives on the other coast of Canada. Here was story, our friend Ian's mother passed unexpectedly and they were home fro funeral. So sad that it was, was nice to see them again so soon.
I am struggling again. I wish to high heavens that I could just stick to something, something that was healthy and good for you. I can do primal for months and then bang it is back to wanting and craving sweets. But really if I think of it not really craving bread just sweet. Perhaps have had too much sugar and that has started the carb craving again? I don't know but know there is nothing I want. 2 wks or so ago when I was hungry an apple was awesome, today not at all. I want cookies lol that would be a real mess wehat and sugar.
Anyway I know if some of you say moderation is the way, I have tried that for 30 years and doesn't work, I either can have no sweets ie cookies etc. or eat them. There is no happy medium. So I chose not to have them. Fine, but then started on the it is too hard to find stuff to eat. I know my portion control is wrong probablly but I don't really know.
So tomorrow will be start day again. I HATE saying that cos so often I just am lieing to me and you. But tomorrow I start the beginners tai chi so figured, if I do that as a start, and go back to eating better I can say mid sept was my start.
I think also that I am discouraged cos I really felt in my heart that this year I could change, Yes I did I ate healthier for more part of this year than I ever have. Then in May my pain started up again, I allow that to be "more of an issue" than I should. Many on here are on the chair team and have much worse pain than I. But my all or nothign gets in the way and I tend to think well drs have said don't walk and actually as most know there was time I couldnt' walk but I could have biked some, or did the chair stuff etc. Also doesnt help having a hubby say don't do.... you will hurt yourself and also you over do it evrytime, ( yes I do mostly!)
So tomorrow am........... healthy breakfast hmmm no fruit in house nothing much even though I got groceries. nothing good on sale this week and have to say with fall winter wont be as much choice and more $$. I just don't know what to eat other than eggs.......... have a spark friend that laughs at me and my eggs issues. lol but no idea how she can eat such limited fare. hats off to grokgranny!
Okay off to figure my day and get to bedf earlier than I did last night.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Moderation doesn't work for me either. What works for me is low carb. If I eat a serving of bread it triggers cravings and a down fall.

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GROKGRANNY 9/17/2012 4:51PM

    I am so, so sorry that you are struggling with the diet. WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE, SO YOU HAVE LOTS OF COMPANY AND YOU ARE SAFE HERE WITH US!!

It sucks!!

My husband is the same with sweets. It's like it's in his DNA. I would prefer a salt lick. lol But he can only take it so long and then he goes off. Plus the bad part for him is that he is diabetic!!

Hope Tai Chi is fun and relaxing. My friend goes and loves it (think I told you?) Let us know how you like it.

(I also saw your post on my blog from today. While on protocol I am not eating much at all, but actually with rotating foods I do okay when I'm eating around 1200-1500 cals).

Hugs to you and hang in there!!

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 9/17/2012 7:46AM

    Cindy I bake gluten free muffins, and I keep them in the freezer so I just have one, also glutino chocolate fingers or lemon fingers although have sugar in them or wheat free, as you know they are good, as you ate them at my place, I find if I don't allow myself to indulge then I struggle, but if I have one treat night a week that is what I call my 10%, I cruise right along, this week was nachos, now I am back on track my treat night is always a Friday night or if we are on a challenge a Saturday night. But I feel we must be happy with how we eat, if not we are fighting a losing battle, hope this helps, oh and by and by, it is the meds that made you crave carbs, everyone I talke too has problems craving carbs with gabapentin and lyrica, just a thought to ponder, take care and have a wonderful day.

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NEW-CAZ 9/17/2012 3:15AM

    I think your perfectionist is showing again Cinders and maybe trying too hard to stick to something that doesn't suit so after a while it becomes a chore.
If you eat healthily and have some treats it's okay- just don't go overboard emoticon
Tai Chi sounds interesting.
I know DH is worried you'll hurt yourself but you know your body best so if you want to try something, try it, better to have tried it and seen if the exercise is suitable than to wonder about it forever more emoticon
It could also be that will FALL on the way your inner cavewoman is telling you to take on carbs for happens to me emoticon

Have a good week emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/17/2012 3:15:33 AM

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Wet and wild Monday

Monday, September 10, 2012

WOW what wind and rain, that is what woke me up instead of the alarm. lol I have chiro earlier today so we have to leave by 9 am., so was fine to be woken up at 7:30! lol
It is still humid and close as mum would say, even though it is pouring and windy, hurricane type weather. I will have to look and see how close "Leslie " is to us.

So weighed myself last eve, OMG I am so disgusted, yes I gained with the prednisone and yes some was my own fault but have gained yet again. Hubby says check your pills cos I haven't seen you eating lots more or anything. Sure enough........ so hoping that today I will feel well enough and do the bike, even if it is in 10 min spurts. I can't even believe I was below 180 so far from that now. Oh well will weigh this am, as I should know better than weigh at night, and yes it is only a number but know I have gained.

So today is chiro,then reno and then figure what we need for plumbing and maybe go get that. At 4:30 go to homedepot and get ds stove for him so that when he gets off work they can bring it into the house. Lets hope it stops raining some by then or it will be soaked. Geesh well at leas the box will be.

have to go shower now, and get ready to leave soon. Hope you all are well and will try to get here daily again! LOL

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    We had that muggy weather before the rains came and then it has cooled off for a few days again.

It's a bummer to gain as I well know. And it's really hard not to when you have to take steroids. You have a good plan to work on it.

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/10/2012 7:33PM

    have a happy day

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JOYINKY 9/10/2012 9:12AM

    Have a good day Cindy!

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 9/10/2012 7:48AM

    hope all goes well today, and you have a great day emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 9/10/2012 7:38AM

    Hope your appt goes well emoticon

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Sultry Sunday

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Man it is so humid. We have had no rain all day, other areas have had rain and some heavy rain. It feels like tropical storm/hurricane weather. We have one that is supposed to by pass us. Lets hope.

Well haven't felt like blogging lately, nothing to say or nothing diff. but then realized that wasn't true.
Yesterday was the best day I have had in probably 2 months. I was able to walk over to our local harvest festival and back with out issues. While there got some neat info, did a few physical tests - did poorly on them all. Was interesting as it was a co. that does physio and balance stuff and boy did I do poor. Then went to some more booths got a free learn to walk with nordic poles, and a free ti chi class. We bought some fresh corn and blueberries.
Later we drove an hr and bit to get our trailer set up for seasonal, we had to go pay the deposit and then also go look around at the site. We have camped there and enjoyed it and it is a nice place, lots for kids to do and not as expensive as the other place. Today my knees are aching like arthritis but is so humid my cothes even feel damp. ewwwy. Have some pain but not too bad; today we went to look for flooring but wasn't there. nufff said stupid store. We found some that isnt that much more that we like better but that store wasnt open on sundays. lol
No renos as hubby has muscle pain in his belly area. No idea what he did but thnk could have been firday when we were doing the floor. he was c/o of his back hurting.
Tomorrow i go to chiro early then we have nothing else planned. I must get to dads and start packing some stuff.
Okay think I am caught up. going to go open some windows I was cold then muggy now hot. have been gettng so many more hot flashes, wondering if it is the pills, or just more menopause.
HUGS cya

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I am so glad that you at least got some relief for a little while.

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JOYINKY 9/9/2012 8:29PM

    Have a restful evening Cindy. Hugs.

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/9/2012 4:32PM

    glad you were feeling better. Have a great day

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NEW-CAZ 9/9/2012 3:50PM

    Sorry to hear you're still suffering Cinders lets hope your appt brings some relief.
sounds like you've been busy.

Hey- re grey hair. My grey bits are virtually white so I have them highlighted in two shades of blond with darker low lights to contrast.............gotta make the most of yourself while you can LOL

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Wet wednesday

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Good Morning Sparkers....

I am having a good day so far, it is 9:39 am, have been to dr and back allready. Yes it is better to get in early so you don't wait but my symptoms are worse as the day goes. But thats okay, he ahd results of CT scan and they are not that diff than last year. Good news as it didn't get worse. He says that he feels this will be a continuing trend, good, then flare up, then good. He does feel it will get worse or longer times to get better, which we are seeing allready but said I can send you to dr bond but as long as you can still do the tests he did he won't do a cortisone shot, I an still bend forward and backward and to the sides. As for Spec. he said he will probably not do surg. yet and will say when it gets worse. He said your is agravated with the arthritis and such and also your knees. He checked my L knee and of course after a good nights sleep it wasn't too bad. I go see him in 3wks and booked one for end of Oct.
So not a lot new, just hadn't bloged in while cos busy or by end of day too sore to sit.
Hope everyone has been well and doing their best.
Cya later!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLAINSC 9/5/2012 9:11PM

    Making progress! I bought cheapo paper plates to use for packing dishes--saved a lot of time.

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SUGARSMOM2 9/5/2012 3:07PM

  oh . just push a wee bit and it will fit right in or perhaps not and pop right back at you . packing away things are a hard job to do . we old people do not want to part with the memory that all the things contain . good news on the ct scan . keep moving . forward . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 9/5/2012 11:00AM

    wow is it ever raining, hope you get your down frame built, have a great day

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TWO-TOO-MUCH 9/5/2012 9:59AM

    And boy, is it EVER raining! It's so dark, I've got lamps on. Don't wash away! :)

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SLIMMERJESSE 9/5/2012 9:35AM

    That's good news. Send some of that rain to San Diego, okay?

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/5/2012 9:32AM

    Good news on the ct scan have a good day full of smiles and laughter and sun

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JOYINKY 9/5/2012 9:21AM

    Have a good day Cindy!

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