Saturday, September 19, 2009
What a day yesterday was! I woke up and thought get this house cleaned. Dh does very little to help me and I work full time. Granted I am the one that leaves things laying around more than he but still.
So started a bit, then felt my strange depression coming. I think I have written about that before. I dont think that I get depressed that often but when I do, I can actually feel it like a blanket coming over me. Sort of wraps me in it. Felt that coming said to dh, lets just go to our land today. we own 3 acres of wooded land about an hr or so away. Packed a picnic and off we went. Had a good time, but still didnt feel great inside. I am really missing mum a lot and think that my grieving is starting. I know I haven't done much of that probably cos I wouldnt allow myself to with the new job and keeping things on an even keel.
Anyway we went, had a good time and came home. Made supper and then I had a chocking spell, I dont cough. something feels or does get stuck in my pipe and i cant breath or drink. It hurts bad. All I do is produce bubbles in my mouth that I have to spit. so this continued for afew mins, then dh came down to the bathroom with water drink... omg the pain with a tiny sip of water. but it eventually brought up whatevr it was.
Then I started crying, man i cried and he said he was thinking bet she wants her mum. I lookd up off his shoulder said oh i want my mum and bawled. he just held me.
I got over that and came on here, and lo and behold mama grizz was here. Thank god for her as she listened, chatted and kept me focused and cared. Made me promise to take care of me. I allready know that is super hard and will take forever to even get started.
THANKS again dear friend.
So woke this morning, after a mostly painfree night, and walked the dog farther than we have in long while. Now today will be groceries and housework. I will some how take time for me. Later I will go walk again. IF the rain holds off, we will or I will go to the beach. between 11 and 2 we have someone coming to give us an estimate on the driveway widen and re pave it.
okay rambling now. gotta go get some breakfast. cya
and hugs to all but just a great big smile for mama grizz! LOL she will know why!