Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Okay BL is over in my part of the country and I did what I set out to do and way way more. I did weights for the first half hr including weights and bands( the rubber band stretches). I also did a few sitting on the ball. Then for 30 mins I rode 8.7 km on the recumbant bike. I got off and stretched, did a few more weights then for the last half hr I stretched and did slow easy flexability stuff. I am so proud.
After reading both replies below I do realize I have to slow down but not sure how. I do really wonder if dh and good Sp friend white lotus has found a point. Maybe I am trying to keep busy cos dont want to stop and see mum failing. I have been very fortunate in my 52 years only 2 people have died that I have known personally. One friends dd died on her 3rd bday, and dh's father died 4 years ago but he wasnt close to him at all. So I dont have all that to fall back on and besides dont think it is the same when it is a parent and I am an only child too. I do know I do better in "nurse " mode and that is what dad is needing so that keeps me busy and not as personal.
So tomorrow, as of now, I will walk the dog, go take them their coffee, get mum up and ready. then instead of the pool I will wash my cupboards and kitchen floor, as they are bothering me. I know it isnt slowing down but i am sick of getting nothing done in my house. I will go to the gym with dh and ride the bike or elliptical. I also will vacumm, dust etc. I will plan some time in the afternoon to go in my sauna then shower etc. also will read my library book and perhaps fall asleep. I want to get the house cleaned as i have to work fri,sat and sun so if i get most of this done tomorrow I also will deal with whatever the homcecare coordinator has to say as it really isnt me that got him angry etc. it is dad and they have spoken. either way I cant let my fear of what he is going to say make me eat. he is a professional doing his job and i still have the palliative care RN backing me. she is awesome. SO I will have thurs to do what I want. Whew. hope I can do this.
But for now i am so pleased that I got that much exercise in. sure does invigorate me and make me want to get back to where i was in my mind. Have to re read my blogs of a few days ago....
Thanks for being on the path with me in all the twists and turns. I hope I can get through all this without gaining wt as it gets harder.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Okay whats up???? I was great this am, did my walk and went to mums etc. then dh and I went back measured the bed, went to walmart, went to home depot got piece of wood for under the mattress. then I had a headache wanted to eat, so we went to a new restaurant - I did well and didnt order dessert etc. went back to mums talked to dad who had some news about the lady who had come at night that they didnt like...and the home coordinator. I wasnt impressed and felt like he was going to reprimand me for taking his time, then dad not wanting care etc....... so got home and he had left a message just his name and number. I let that feed me and I really think this is what it is. cos I have had a few of dh banana candies ( those things shaped like bananas) adn then had 6 small squares of dk choc from freezer!!!! then 3 homemade oatmeal cookies. only thing I can think is he is going to call and get mad at me. Really why do I care, it is dad he has to deal with and stuff, guess cos i insisted on a meeting after dad insisted on night care now doesnt want it. OMG arghhhhhhhh
so since i weighed higher yesterday, i am sure I will be up tomorrow am. Am almost at the point of what the h$$ but not quite there yet. I am still going to ride the bike etc. I will get out of this mood. I probably have to drive dd home then will get into my yoga pants adn do some breathing etc. then exercise.
Thing that gets me is WHY how come i can rationalize it all, know most of it, but yet dont stop the eating. when does this become a habit, that is true BS when you say a habit is formed in 3 wks. cos i have done this many times and no habit yet geesh 25 years or moreLOL and biting my nails all my life, have stopped for months then started for no apparent reason.
Oh well just blabbing now. going on. instead of eating.
Best go and get a bit done. we were gone most of the day so my house is still a mess.
One great thing, for the first time in while, I didnt feel rushed - i so wanted to go out for lunch we haevnt in ages, so i really enjoyed the food ( small amt of good stuff) and dh company. I just want to rest......... but can't. dh said soething that was interesting- am i keeping so busy and beat cos i dont want to think and know what is coming up. Dont think so but is a theory. said i feel like i rush all day esp. days when i work. He said slow down shorter walk with dog and enjoy it. that isnt it just find i want to be back by such and such a time.
have a great evening. I will turn this blue mood around adn not let a man who has a job and opinion ruin my wt loss or my evening.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Wow what a great day!!!! I find wed. usually a good day cos watched biggest loser and weigh in day for one of my teams. I am only down .2 but think it is cos i havent been drinking my water. So back to that basic.
I am very proud today, what have you done to make you feel proud!? I love that part on BL. I actually exercised while watching it!!! WHOOO cos i used to eat, then sat and didnt eat now am doing the bike or ball stuff.
Today has been super too!! finally a good day all around. Sunny, not too cold. great walk with the dog, mum was okay, dad slept, I went to the pool, then met dh at the gym. There after a HARD workout at water arobics ( the instructor even said I worked you guys hard today!), i went upstairs and did 20 mins on elliptical and then a round on the weight machines and some free wts.
got home to work called, extra shift toay. so off i go to work. I went down to check mum again, and dd was just getting there so dad can go out. So all in all a good day today. Nice to have one once in awhile.
I was also going to blog about the spark quote that we got today.
Most barriers to your success are man made. And most often you are the man that made them.
I really like that. It sure rings true in our house. I admit it, dh maybe not so much LOl
But I am really doing things to change that quote and be successful.
Gotta scoot cos have to get ready for work.
OH forgot went to the grocery store and bought myself a treat!!! A fresh garden salad allready made, came home added a bit of chicken and was so tasty.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Thanks so much for the replies from my blog today. I had an even harder day after that. I went to mums before I went to work , dd was watching her as dad ran out for some groceries. She didnt seem much diff to me. later on my supper break from work, I called and dad said I cant do this. she is barely able to walk, and is just not the same. I a going to have to stay up all night. Find someone and I will pay I cant stay up. So I asked what was wrong... just tthat she was really tipsy and had some dark stool. I had commented to him if it was ever dk black to let us know immediately. He had me really worried and of course I am not allowed to leave work. Anyway got there at 11pm after work, and she was asleep, woke and seemed teh same as before. DD said she wasnt the same to her either so isnt just dad being worried.
So tomorrow dd will go down and dad will sleep......... I will go down with her some and also be home as I have a lot of calls to make.
I have to comment on this........ I got home and said I am so hungry.. I cant eat it isnt an S day. so then said do you want tea to dh. no hot choc. I thought hmmm I want that too. Well it isnt an s day. Then I actually said I deserve it cos I am so tired and stressed, then said it wont change anything at all. Funny cos think that is one of the first times I actually really acknowledged that i thought i deserved it. LOL
Had it, was good, not worth it but still wanted it. I thought after all this if all i have is a hot choc. that is okay. I chose it and probably wont next time but thats okay.
Now I have to get to bed incase dad calls in the night....... and tomorrow busy day for phone calls.
Thanks again for all the thoughts. Oh the radiation isnt a given yet but they are hoping it will stop it from growing as she responded well the last time to her lung. she doesnt get chemo as she is too ill. So not sure about that yet. I am thinking on maybe it is time to be in hospital..
Okay to bed it is!
HUGS and thanks to such dear friends who listen and that means so much as i dont know many people here where I live to talk to.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Well results of mums CT scan are back. the cancer has not gotten bigger in lung, nor did it spread to the outside of lung but has gone to the brain. That is sort of what I expected as her confusion is not any better, and yet is down on her pain meds. So now they are saying they can do radiation on it at least to not make it get bigger fast. Not sure what dad is thinking as I wasnt there long. I have extra supper tonight so will take it down to them before I leave for work.
I did go to the pool but didnt work too hard, mind on other things of course. Met dh at the gym upstairs after and I did one round on all the machines but only low wt as first time back since I broke my knee. So busy this morning, and now waiting for a friend to come over for abit, then I have to go to work.
Work will keep my mind busy as well as my hands and mouth. so far so good on the eating. Waiting lunch for my friend but hope she shows up soon.
Guess better go as not much more to say right now.
Get An Email Alert Each Time HEALTHY4ME Posts