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Feelings

Saturday, September 19, 2009

What a day yesterday was! I woke up and thought get this house cleaned. Dh does very little to help me and I work full time. Granted I am the one that leaves things laying around more than he but still.
So started a bit, then felt my strange depression coming. I think I have written about that before. I dont think that I get depressed that often but when I do, I can actually feel it like a blanket coming over me. Sort of wraps me in it. Felt that coming said to dh, lets just go to our land today. we own 3 acres of wooded land about an hr or so away. Packed a picnic and off we went. Had a good time, but still didnt feel great inside. I am really missing mum a lot and think that my grieving is starting. I know I haven't done much of that probably cos I wouldnt allow myself to with the new job and keeping things on an even keel.
Anyway we went, had a good time and came home. Made supper and then I had a chocking spell, I dont cough. something feels or does get stuck in my pipe and i cant breath or drink. It hurts bad. All I do is produce bubbles in my mouth that I have to spit. so this continued for afew mins, then dh came down to the bathroom with water drink... omg the pain with a tiny sip of water. but it eventually brought up whatevr it was.
Then I started crying, man i cried and he said he was thinking bet she wants her mum. I lookd up off his shoulder said oh i want my mum and bawled. he just held me.
I got over that and came on here, and lo and behold mama grizz was here. Thank god for her as she listened, chatted and kept me focused and cared. Made me promise to take care of me. I allready know that is super hard and will take forever to even get started.
THANKS again dear friend.
So woke this morning, after a mostly painfree night, and walked the dog farther than we have in long while. Now today will be groceries and housework. I will some how take time for me. Later I will go walk again. IF the rain holds off, we will or I will go to the beach. between 11 and 2 we have someone coming to give us an estimate on the driveway widen and re pave it.
okay rambling now. gotta go get some breakfast. cya
and hugs to all but just a great big smile for mama grizz! LOL she will know why!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 9/19/2009 10:45AM

    And a great big smile right back at ya! It was a tough day for you yesterday but that's ok, it's normal and you got through it. I'm very glad you went for your walk already today :) and that you are going to get out and about later as well. Hopefully you'll make those few detours we were talking about yesterday :) and have some fun discovering a new passion.



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HAPPYWALKER 9/19/2009 8:37AM

    As a person who struggles with depression a lot, I know how it feels and how hard it is to shake it. Allowing yourself to feel it and grieve for your mother is good for you. You also did such a great job dealing with it - going to your land for a nice picnic, having a good cry, going on SP for support. You were taking care of yourself all along and I know you are a strong person.

I often get things caught in my throat too (another similiarity!). In fact, when we were on vacation we went to a Mexican restaurant. I was eating those chips and salsa before the waiter had brought the water and a chip got stuck right in the middle of my throat!! What pain! DH went and got the waiter to bring water immediately. I still had a sore throat for an entire day afterwards.

Wishing you better days ahead and happiness. Hugs, Mary


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PATTIANNT 9/19/2009 8:09AM

    Keep on pushing, you can do it! One idea for today. Let DH deal with the driveway people. I understand about pain, I have fibromyalgia. I am so sorry about your Mum. I can only imagine. Here is a great big hug from Minnesota.
Patti
emoticon

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OH what a feeling!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

First off I called in sick today. I had such a headache and an apt with my physiotherapist who does alternative treatments. Well just as I did the last time I went to see him 2 years ago, boy do I feel light. So much better, he worked on the upper gum of my mouth to fix my back! go figure you have to be open to this stuff but I know from last time it worked. He worked on other areas to fix my hips. hmmm So did that and some stuff with my neck and boy I feel better. said I may feel woozy but would be okay. He got me to sit up and he put his hand near my R side of head and said concentrate on that side of your head. I did and said feels full and heavy. good. then said keep on and it felt same, suddenly felt very strong pain in lower back....... said okay keep thinking of side of head, and both pains left. I felt very clear. I know some are going to say yea whatever but if you believe it I do feel it will help.

So cos I went to do this today, and CJs blog was today, I am feeling very empowered. Dh is busy with his new puter, so I will go down to dads, do a load of laundry and then help him look for some of mums cards ( point ones more than credit) and then come home and veg. I bought myself some scrapbooking stuff today so hope to get started on ds book. I would love to get that done for him for xmas but not sure I can get it done by then. Oh well thats okay, just want to cos then will want to work on baby one.
Well best go for now. just wanted to add that this is a great day and I hope someone that reads mine gets something from cjs blog too.
HUGS to you all. now to go give my dad a hug.cya

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_GRIZZ 9/17/2009 8:57PM

    Sounds like you are having a fantastic day - that's fantastic!

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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 9/17/2009 11:53AM

    glad you're feerling so good Cinders
emoticon to you too
Caz
x

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Sat. working weekend

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Well am working this weekend but will be home in time to go to the health fair and watch the fireworks from my deck. The small "community" that I live in amoungst the city, has their day today and has celebrations that are held in the field behind us.
I didnt acomplish near what I wanted but got two housework things done, laundry and vacumn. Did go for massage and felt great. Also called to book apt with the alternative physio but got the machine. Thats okay call me back monday. No hurry. I had dad and ds and dil for supper which turned out great. Had a good visit although must say dad isnt as himself. I know he is worrying about the ct scan and diagnosis. He seems to find anything wrwong with himself and say that was what your mother was like. Oh well will deal with that as it comes.
better cut this short as it is 6:30 and I have to leave for work. Hope you all have a great Sat. and I am planning to. I will wear my orthotics all day at work if able and also try to remember to stand tall.
cya
HUGS

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COSMIC_ENERGY 9/12/2009 1:19PM

    Have a good weekend. I got out with some friends last night. Had bad food-chicken wings and pizza, but getting back on the horse today.

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 9/12/2009 9:30AM

    Sounds like you had a fantastic Friday! Yeah You! Hope you have a great Saturday too. :)

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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 9/12/2009 7:37AM

    Hey Cinders pub was a blast night!

Hope your back is still okay today, enjoy the fireworks
Luv
Caz
x

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A day off well sort of.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Sure it is a day off of work, but boy do I have lots to do. First off is vacumm this living room carpet and couch. Blast dh for allowing the dog to learn to get on the couch a few years back. argh...
Laundry is done, but clean up bathrooms. Then kitchen. Make supper which isnt bad as did some overnight in crockpot. Having roast in crockpot with dad and ds and wife to visit for supper.
I also have to hunt down my sheet of paper on which is a list of prices for massages at diff places in town. Book one FINALLY. Also book an apt with the physiotherapist. He is an alternative guy and does strange but it works stuff. I went a few years ago, and my best friend said okaaaaay........! well lo and behold she and her sister went and she agreed a very calming but works guy. So I too must get back into caring about me. Funny that before she met me she never did anything like this, she exxercised but never anything as "strange" as a massage. well she is getting massage monthly and also now goes to brian. Me who is working full time in a hard for your body job and swore I was going to go has yet to even make an apt. SO time for me again. and oh yea going to pop in and get my eyebrows waxed somewhere today.
LOL dh will have a what are you doing ! but doesnt really care either way.
So busy day but will get stuff I want accomplished. Even may go and get some paint chips for the spare room. I also want to do those kitchen cupboards.
LOL YEA YEA and after today off i work 6 in row till next day off. When pray tell will I find time to do this painting! lol rest my weary body rest.
cya have a super day everyone cos I plan to! busy but productive!
HUGS

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GFNOMAD 9/11/2009 9:23PM

    That's a full day you scheduled! I'm glad you are taking time for something for yourself.

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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 9/11/2009 3:13PM

    Hi ya Cinders, great that you're pampering yourself.
After all the running you do for everyone else at home and at work, you so deserve some "me time" babe.
I hope you enjoy your massage and that it does your back some good into the bargain.
Hey, how's the cold now?
Luv
Caz
xx emoticon

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 9/11/2009 10:36AM

    I love having productive days - they feel great! Tiring but great! I hope you get all you wanted done and have fun too! :)

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Okay enough is enough!

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Brrr chilly this morning, but I do love fall the most. Woke a tad earlier so just got up. Now I even had time to do some stretching. That is great especially for my job. lol some days feels like the seniors are going to lug me around.
Well up.4 today, deserved. I havent been as diligent and it showed. Luckily it was only that. But I must get my water in better than this and also get out of the junk. 2 nights at 11 pm I ate when I got home from work, so frustrated just felt hungry. HMMM doubt i was but ate. And that costco and their junk isles. Anyway we bought junk yet again and both of the treats didnt taste as good as I remember. sooooooooooo that taste has to stay in my mind so I dont take any more. I will tell dh they are yours, like he needs that junk with his system. Oh maybe this is what some say, they start not enjoying the treats as much. That would be nice. lol
Today, I work days, and then will come home and talk to dh, and then get a new dvd from library and try it, plan to ride the bike again. Will have to check that after I get home, see how sore I am from work. My foot is bothering me again and I wasnt even at work, also behind my knee seems as if one of the tendons or ligaments is tight as it wont bend well when walking. lol that should be interesting for work!
Okay off I go, one of my seniors is 82 and he said noone is to make a fuss. he is so deserving of a fuss. I made a card and will say happy bday but wont bother him till I see how he is about it. Usually they all sing happy bday. he is well liked so imagine they will.
Best scoot check my other email etc. and then get on the way.
Have a super day and make great choices. My issues are work, I dont take $ to buy any thing it is when i get home. So home, water walk dog. lol
cya
Hugs

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COSMIC_ENERGY 9/4/2009 11:37PM

    I've been busy getting ready for school to start next week. I'm hoping to get motivated soon!!

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 9/2/2009 9:53AM

    Today is a new day with fresh choices. Good plan about walking the dog after work (if your foot allows you to). Hopefully it will be easier now that you are on days. Hope you have a good day. emoticon

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CAZ_NR_HEATHROW 9/2/2009 5:38AM

    Morning Cinders, put the gain behind you and refocus hu, think of the wedding and how great you'll look all nice and slim eh.
Have a great day at work and your workout later today (foot allowing)
Luv ya
Caz
x

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