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Okay what a weekend and aw man I thought I blogged before we left... not here..... aww

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sugar broke my streak, don't see a blog from Sat. but sure I did oh well who knows. not a problem at all especially after my Sat night and drive home today!!!

Okay some may know my background, some may not. quick look back my hubby has been off work since age 47 ( now 53) because of severe depression and even worse anxiety. He took a long while to get med regulated. During that time we went through a lot, those tv commercials about depression hurting everyone are sooooooooo true. Anyway without going way back it was a very hard time, and a time when I stood by him cos my medical training said it was a medical problem and not that he didnt love me.

So we left Sat am to go to PEI about 3 hrs and a bit away, we had to stop an hr down the road to pick up his sister and our niece. Okay .... now hubby has been c/o about his ears being plugged for about 2 wks. didn't say much on way there even though a lot of hills and mountains etc. we get there and visit then the family arrives thankfully a big house cos all the kids 7 and his mum and s[pouses and kids - you get the pic ...

Having a great time, a full Christmas dinner, and his brother who bottles his own wine dowling out wine. well hubby only had 4 small half glasses. stopped around 5 or so... so gradually people leave and just the ones that live there, and us and 2 other sister and hubby are staying. so we sat and chatted coffee, decaf tea for us. and then we all started getting ready for bed.

Cos hubby sometimes snores, we took nieces room, she now doesnt have bunk beds so we had a bed and he took our air mattress on floor. shorten the story, at around 3 are you awake... I need you.... so we go to the bathroom cos when he starts getting painicy his IBS starts. So from 3 - 7 am we go from bathroom to bed and quickly back. When he laid down he wasnt able to breathe( well he was but didn't think so) he also thought he was shaking , wasnt and his pulse was fine but he was getting terrified. then went to can't breathe going to die.... etc. he also has to analyze what is causing it so he can rationalize it.
So put it down to brothers homemade wine, didnt' drink much but the tannins etc. and then he pulling at straws said susan changed her laundry soap... so burp, burp burp, omg omg, i am going to die. MUR breath................ come on so I sat on edge of tub, and breathed with him but it was making me burp and get heartburn.
One good thing was that I get nervous cos of his previous way of dealing ( which was to max out cards with cash and leave then call crying lost and scared and come back put the $$$$$ on cards back and start okay for while) ( that was only when messing with meds has been fine for that since 2006 and half lol so he said something and said whats wrong i said scared you are going to leave.... HE freaks thinking I mean die as that is what he is thinking. I said no breathhhhhhhhh i mean leave and there is available $$ right now. So got that in the open. he said when we get the bills paid, you can take it back and put rest in the acct that is yours only. we will see what we want go to bank get it and go back to store adn buy it. so cos he was allready in that state, he was able to realize why I said it and to agree.
So at 7 am we head downstairs sil and niece slept in living room so we hoped they would wak early adn we would get a head start as we had Thomas grandson birthday to go to when we got home. WHEW so he felt okay fro a bit so off we went. said good by cos they were all waking up then. Then we drove for abut an hr and bit and he pulls over said I am dizzy and want you to drive. Fine but he always drives so know it is bad. Anyway we drop off sil and get home. rest for few mins and go to thomas in time to sing happy bday. Hubby stayed by the door, a big crowd of people some he didnt know, kids playing crying etc. I was able to take a afew pics oif his cake and him and get a kiss and thats was it. come now we have to leave. so explained to both our kids what was up adn we went home.
So we both had a short nap, then he fell asleep again, and ow is laying on his chair with housecoat and blanket hoping to nap.
Needless to say I hope he can sleep this eve cos we have been up since sat am at 7!!! with about 2 hrs sleep and within that driving for 7 hrs total.

I hope and pray that he is only having an inner ear infection or sinus infe. and that it isnt anxiety coming back............. we talked a lot last night cos it helps him and i said if it is dad or renos tell me now... we can back out tell dad it is tooooo $$ or something. but he says no.

So that was my weekend, good, bad, and ate too much, my plan was one sweet well had too many and knwo that was stress cos not always good with all his family is together and his mum.

But tomorrow is another day adn we will great it adn what is in store then. and if we need to go to hospital at least it is ours. but he wont go. lol hoping to get him to duty dr or a cancellation with ours
so what can I do today to make my tomorrow better........
breath!!!!!!! think positive!!! and hope and pray hubby will be okay. adn now I lol hahah leave you with this.

the birthday boy after the party!!!"watching his dad's team play!!"



day before he is 2!!! lol

HUGS and hope you all had a better weekend than I!! but we got home safe and sound and had a good visit in the eve! think positive. almost even had him agree to go to yoga or learn meditation. think that wont last though lol

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 1/18/2012 12:05PM

    What a stressful weekend. I hope things are okay now.

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SUBSMITH 1/16/2012 12:32PM

    Oh, my prayers are with you. You handled everything quite well. Your husband is talking to you when he is not okay. He deserves some praise too.
It's good that you realize it isn't you.

I can relate. I was gonna bore you with my life experiences.... but will spare you. (deleted one huge post... lol)

May God bless you both and help you discover the life He desires for you. We're all different creations; and what is best for one is not for another. But all are precious in His sight. Even though we are broken, and all of us are, our lives have been redeemed... at a precious cost... YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE. Thankfully, our worth does not depend upon us... not in God's eyes. Grace... (Ephesians 3: 8-9) .... says God does what we cannot do, so that we can have life abundant despite the brokeness of this life. May something beautiful spring from the brokeness and hurt. May the splendor of the gift of Life comfort you today.



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TEMPEST272002 1/16/2012 10:45AM

    Yikes, it sounds very stressful. It's hard to be a care-taker. All the attention is on the ill person (who needs it!) but the caretaker gets emotionally & physically drained too. I hope that today you do something extra nice for yourself to rebuild your own energy levels.

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NEW-CAZ 1/16/2012 3:27AM

    Sorry hubby has been unwell Cinders, hope he gets himself to his doctor.
Sending hugs

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AGAIN4ME 1/15/2012 8:32PM

    Hi Cindy,
As you know, I deal with a lot of the same stuff with my hubby. Worse still I've started having panic attacks since chemo messed me up. I do find Tai Chi helps me calm down when I can't stop thinking of how bad things can be.
Having surgery this week and getting nervous about that. For more then one reason. Hubby doesn't handle it well when something happens to me. I just want it over and done with.
hugs,Hope
emoticon

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 1/15/2012 7:48PM

    Higs Cindy, hopefully all will be well, with hubby, keep an eye on him!!
Anjay

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JOYINKY 1/15/2012 7:28PM

    Glad you are home safely. Take one day at a time. Be well. Hugs.

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COSMIC_ENERGY 1/15/2012 7:14PM

    Cnders--sorry to hear about the hub not feeling well. Hope he will go to the doctor. I know that mixing alcohol and meds is not a good thing. Hope that's all it was. Sending love! emoticon

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JEANUT 1/15/2012 7:09PM

   
I know it's not always easy dealing with someone with emotional or mental problems and I think you are doing a great job. Just don't forget to take care of yourself, you need it and deserve it.
Hugs and prayers.

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Friday... snow but a bit warmer

Friday, January 13, 2012

Slushy mess now other than the snow banks, didn't snow too much and hope it continues to warm up till at least we are back from PEI.
Today has been another great day. Had a good chat with my buddy Von and then went and did a bit, back for a few. Got my disability money so will go buy a set of taps that match the other bathrooms and are 50% off! also buy a bday gift for Thomas then dd wants us to come down and look at counter samples. later then have to drive dad and hubby to legion -debating if I will stay or go home then pick them up later. So busy day but will get my ME time as going in sauna today and also have my library books and mags.
I hope you all have a great day, good choices and all... find some Me time and also believe in yourself!!! It really does make a difference.

HUGS

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANJAYS-JOURNEY 1/13/2012 4:35PM

    Nice to see you taking care of yourself and taking you time, that is so difficult to do, how is your knee today, awesome that your money came in that will relive the pressure
Take care and have a great evening
Hugs
Anjay

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MORTICIAADDAMS 1/13/2012 1:54PM

    Snow here too - ugh. I'm hoping to get some me time this weekend. I will be surprised if I do though.

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TEMPEST272002 1/13/2012 12:07PM

    You are often very generous with your time for others. I'm glad to read that you're taking time for yourself today.

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JOYINKY 1/13/2012 11:19AM

    Enjoy your day Cindy!

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CANDOK1260 1/13/2012 10:28AM

    SOUNDS LIKE YOUR DAY IS GOING BE GOOD ENJOY

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NEW-CAZ 1/13/2012 9:46AM

    Glad your money came through Cinders, sounds like a positive day emoticon

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hoping some quotes will help inspire some special sparkers...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I was clearing up my craft room the past two days and I am huge writer - downer lol
I have as my mousepad a pc of paper. When I see a quote, or some info, a name of a book, anything that I find relevant or what to remember I write it down. Today I decided to use notepad and put them all on here and get rid of my paper pile - I don't know what is on what paper, where it is etc.
So in doing so I wrote out a lot of my fav. quotes. I have a spark buddy who is having a very hard time these days, her work is expecting too much, her family well they are the reg. family mum keeps it all together, she is tired, burnt out and next thing she will hurt her body at work cos she is so tired and her body will make her stop. I hope that by writing some of these she will get her spark back and find time for her and realize that life will go on if she doesn't work as much, do as much and make time for her. easy for me to say now, I used to do her work and know how hard it is.
I hope that other sparkers that read this may find encouragement or motivation in one of these quotes too. I don't know who wrote them all and would acknoweldge them if I knew.

HUGS to all and special hugs to VON and also to Carol who is working a lot too learning new special things but takes a lot of her time up.
hugs to you all my spark friends....



If you don't like the road you are walking on, start paving another.

consistency - I choose to achieve my goals because I believe they are valuable and I am worth the effort, even when life gets in the way.

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change

She turned her can'ts into CANS, and her dreams into PLANS

the more energy I spent investing in myself, the more I started to believe in myself. The more I started to believe in myself, the more the imposed limitations started to peel away.

before you can accomplish anything, you must expect it of yourself.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TOPAZROSE 1/13/2012 9:59PM

    i love quotes. thank you for sharing.

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CANDOK1260 1/13/2012 10:24AM

    I REALLY LIKE before you can accomplish anything, you must expect it of yourself

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VON_1962 1/13/2012 8:26AM

    Thank you! You have been a true friend on this journey! Thank you for the quotes. "the more energy I spent investing in myself, the more I started to believe in myself. The more I started to believe in myself, the more the imposed limitations started to peel away." I am going to put this in my journal!
((hugs))



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NEW-CAZ 1/13/2012 3:18AM

    Great quotes Cinders, reminds me ot you- keeping positive emoticon

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CANNIE50 1/12/2012 10:21PM

    "expect it of yourself" - too often, those of us who struggle with food and weight, expect ourselves to fall, to fail - well, we can also expect ourselves to do the hard work, stay the course, shed the baggage.....
thank you for the words of wisdom.

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 1/12/2012 7:11PM

    Great quotes Cindy, have to copy and paste

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JOYINKY 1/12/2012 6:45PM

    Thanks Cindy.

This one reminds me of you:
The more energy I spent investing in myself, the more I started to believe in myself. The more I started to believe in myself, the more the imposed limitations started to peel away.

Hugs.

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TEMPEST272002 1/12/2012 6:17PM

    Great collection of quotes! I especially like

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change

One of my favourite sayings is "If you want to change your life, you have to change your life." It's not enough to think about it... we have to DO.

Hope you're having a great day!


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KELLIEM 1/12/2012 5:22PM

    I really like "She turned her can'ts into CANS and her dreams into PLANS" NICE!

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Thursday brrr cold making soup again!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I so enjoyed that veggie beef soup I made last week that today I put on a chicken in my crock pot and was hoping it would be done by supper, but even if not, will do it then debone and then add veggies to it. I can always have a cup after supper if I want instead of hot choc!! can you believe I want actually crave that soup. sweet pot, turnip, parsnip wow!!! lol

Today went to the library, and dropped some raisin bread to dad, then we went out to get gas before the price goes up tomorrow. Not out as just too darn cold, even though it isn't saying too cold and wind chill isn't super low, it is super damp. the snow is starting and sticking to the roads. yuk of course it is to change to rain and get warmer friday we go away sat - sun so hoping the roads are good as part is through the snowbelt and then PEI always has more snow.

I am also over my carb craving. I didn't do bad and after reading my blog thought yea that and also the fact that we actually got a response about getting our $ back on the land we were holding and all is well and that I put in motion to get the money to start renos and am a tad uncomfortable having it easy access but it has to be their if we go to the store for sales and only that account we can get from debit machine. I will think positive, keep the communicaation lines open and not presume.

Tomorrow legion with dad and hubby, dd isn't joining as she and hubby are going out for supper. Good for them, they dont see each other that often. I hope they have a great time. I wil have water, when I go to legion and i dont' know what is offered for supper. so maybe will have soup before I go adn then when I get home lol

Okay enough for now... going to go walk 10 mins with joy! and then try for another 10 later.
HUGS

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 1/13/2012 1:56PM

    I love soup too. It's perfect for this cold, snowy weather.



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JOYINKY 1/12/2012 6:37PM

    Cindy, things are really coming together. Good for you!

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NEW-CAZ 1/12/2012 3:35PM

    Sounds like a good day emoticon

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OH OH first "hard" day of the year.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

EEEKKKk my first really hard day of the year. I am craving carbs big time. I didn't have smoothie or salad today and now I am starving!!! I want cookies, ( don't have any) want pancakes could make them... just ate supper. I haven't gotten my long term disability pay and we are very very low in account, so I don't want to use any as we are going to PEI this weekend, luckily dd gave us a gas card as part of our xmas gift, and sil is paying the bridge as we are driving them so won't cost us and it is only overnight so not going to be running around there, but having less than 200 in bank scares the bejeebers out of me. So no fruit in house, yes there is romaine but no brocoli, caul, yes carrots and earlier I wanted crunchy but now argh sweets, carbs anythging like that. and I know a hot choc won't cut it. argh.

Okay breathhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, get my little lists and do one of those things, wait and hope that Von shows up to chat ! lol never mind her time zone is only 4:30 so only getting home! Have my tea and many more cups earlier.... go sort the craft room more.

I have been antsy all day, hubby did fix vacumn, moved the curtain rod, went to his dr apt, lol dad went to his dr apt this afternoon, both have same dr. hubby said we know that cindys dad is moving in, I wonder what the dr and dad had to say. lol

just one of those days............I would even exercise if I was more able. i did walk to the mail in the freezing cold lol more activity points if it is cold LOL okayyyyyyyy enough whining, I have a full pot of ideas to chose from, I have green tea, hot choc, water water and more. I will survive and live to tell about it tomorrow.
It is nearly 6 and the only thing I may have other than green tea is a hot choc. now off to do the craft room and von if you check here, i will keep coming down to see if you are around!!!
HUGS all thanks for listening!!! I think I out-ed myself of the craving! LOL

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANDOK1260 1/12/2012 9:49AM

    well sounds like you solve your know problem good for you

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JUST_TRI_IT 1/12/2012 7:50AM

    You had a problem. You made a plan! Way to go :)

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NEW-CAZ 1/12/2012 3:25AM

    cravings can be your underdoing but you're coping well.
Great blog Cinders emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 1/11/2012 11:30PM

    I can totally relate. Recently we got down to $300 in the bank and it was stressful. I hope things look up for you soon. You are coping well.

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BUTEAFULL 1/11/2012 10:10PM

    emoticonyou beat the craving monster

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LESLIESENIOR 1/11/2012 9:26PM

    Good job purging. My friend just text me a bumper sticker that she saw on her way home. It said, "Come to the dark side, we have cookies!" I got a great chuckle out of that. I'm in a mood, too!!!
Wishing you peace,
Leslie

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 1/11/2012 7:19PM

    wow what a cool blog, there, now you worked out what you needed to do before going too crazy way to go
Hugs

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JOYINKY 1/11/2012 7:05PM

    Wow Cindy! Identified the problem and worked through it by the time you finished your blog. WTG!

Sounds like you have your house pretty cleared of things that would sabotage you and that's good. Carb cravings are tough. But, I have been able to curb them with carrot sticks; sometimes I need the munching, air popped popcorn with a light spray of olive oil and lightly salted, even pretzel sticks. Not sweets; that will trigger a binge for me. I've never binged on popcorn, carrots or pretzels. A reasonable serving does it.

Activity does too. Even a good book. I've even been known to go to bed early; I'm not one to get up and eat. Be well and sleep well. Hugs, Joy

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TEMPEST272002 1/11/2012 6:48PM

    Great way to blog that edginess out. I'm guessing (cause it's what I do) that you're carb craving because of worry over having enough money on your trip. Breathing is always a good idea. Normally, I'd suggest going for a walk...but with your knee, I think you should take it easy. What about doing 15 minutes of yoga?

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 1/11/2012 5:21PM

    Sounds like you have some good ideas to help you through this. Good luck!!

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IOWARHINO 1/11/2012 5:10PM

    Just stay on the wagon. Sounds like you are a full of ideas or something. Good luck!! Hang in there!!

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