Monday, June 01, 2009
oh well pic didnt work but you can see mum about 3 years ago in my pics if you so desire.
OMG thats the first time I have written that, she only passed not even 2 hrs ago, but now that we are home, I am wide awake and have to write. She was just breathing and opened her eyes, looked at us and closed them, sighed and went. Thats fine with me, no chayne stoking or anything catasrophic. She stayed with us longer than she would have wanted and now is at peace. I truely feel she is with my aunt darlene, her best friend and fav. sil.
dd was a basket case, ds tears, dad cried and held her hand, and brushed her hair, he wouldnt let me go home with him, or him with us. i hope he is okay there alone. scares me but thats what he wanted.
tomorrow call funeral home for cremation, and what ever else. they will have to tell me as I have no idea. dad has dr apt tomorrow, which i will cancel but will need his perscriptions refilled.
so dear mum, we did our best by you and I know you would be pleased. I am sad, will miss you so much but will continue to live life and take care of myself and know that you would want that. also I will try to be a great nanny to the new baby as you were to both our kids. You were always there for them and for that I am so thankful.
HUGs to you all and to each and everyone of you, thank you from the very bottom of my heart for being here and listening, answering and just being the best of friends.
Thank you and now i hope to sleep. tomorrow am, will come too early.
a hard day to face.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Sunny day and I have to work at 3. thats okay as I havent been working and we dont want to use all our savings to pay for the new windows.
Got our RV on Friday!! what a f.... adventure trying to get it in the driveway! thank heavens 2 bus drivers that live down our street saw us and took pity and came up and helped him. WHEW not looking forward to getting it out of the driveway again! Dh will get better at it and we want to get the driveway widened some.
Mum is hanging on, had a good morning but wonder how she will be later. Dad wants to take her for a short drive today with lisa. it wears her out so much and not sure she knows now.
Well it is after lunch and I have to get myself organized for work.
hope you all are well and VON I sure hope we get a chance to chat soon.
Monday, April 20, 2009
We had the meeting with mums Ca dr and radiologist and they were fantastic. She sat with mum and talked to her, asking us confirmation as mum was wrong about a lot of stuff. Anway she said given her state ( not moving around much, more bed to chair and not up and about) it would probably cause more problems and not give more quality or time for her. so we chose not to...... also the dr did say that hospital is probably the best unless we as a family had decided diff. I am glad she said that cos think dad may have wanted her home, and know dd does. the hardest thing besides having it totally confirmed that she will be gone... is she keeps saying she wants to go home. She has always said be in hospital, and she does know dad cant do this alone or even with just me. so she knows when lucid but man how hard it is on me, must be h@ll for dad her saying lets go home, hey we could go for awhile........ anyway long hard day and I am tired. I did better than I thought, except when dad was leaving the hospital for eve, and i hugged him and cried and he held me and kissed my cheek he was crying too cos he left some fast. I cant remember the last time he held me or kissed me so know that it was hard for him....
well going to go and do something, too dark to go walk. i did walk this am. I hope to go back to the pool on wed. get a bit of routine back for awhile.
HUGS to everyone.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Well mum got her hospital bed, understood when we took her where she was going etc.
Dad went back up around 7, but I wasnt talking to her. then dd and i went up at 8:30 to check and say goodnight. well she had been up at least 3 x. one time told the nurse yes she could help she was looking for aman, her husband. and oh there he is... sure enough he was walking in to see her. So now dad thinks they arent watching her. Anway they did get a sitter for the night to stay with her.
When we went in dd went in and i was talking to the nurse.dd comes out with tears. mummmmm she said oh lisa help me sit up I have to go home........ OMG tore at my heart and dd crying. OH man... i went in and said hi, whats going on adn you remember about the tumor and how dad needs rest etc. so when we left she was thinking about sleeping so pertty sure she will sleep and I know she will be fine cos I have done patient sitting and know all about it. I have actually worked on that unit so I am okay with this, just the guilt in one hand of her wanting to go home, but yet knowing it is the best thing.
I am overtired now, was beat earlier now am going to go to bed as niearly midnight. I hope and pray that dad sleeps. he is so tired the nurses are getting concerned about him.
I havent had time to do anyting but walk a short walk with dog the past 2 days. missed 2days at the pool, which is fine but i just want to keep taking care of me. Oh well...... Monday I may go to the pool. I can tell dad I will go to mum before or after or he in am. and me in afternoon.
wish i could find a money tree cos work has booked me off "incase" I need he weekend off and they cant fill it later. not really fair but......
Anyway we will be fine, just too bad this old world relies on the almighty buck so much.
I would love to go back to a abarter system.
night gotta get to bed.
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