Sunday, May 03, 2009
Sunny day and I have to work at 3. thats okay as I havent been working and we dont want to use all our savings to pay for the new windows.
Got our RV on Friday!! what a f.... adventure trying to get it in the driveway! thank heavens 2 bus drivers that live down our street saw us and took pity and came up and helped him. WHEW not looking forward to getting it out of the driveway again! Dh will get better at it and we want to get the driveway widened some.
Mum is hanging on, had a good morning but wonder how she will be later. Dad wants to take her for a short drive today with lisa. it wears her out so much and not sure she knows now.
Well it is after lunch and I have to get myself organized for work.
hope you all are well and VON I sure hope we get a chance to chat soon.
Monday, April 20, 2009
We had the meeting with mums Ca dr and radiologist and they were fantastic. She sat with mum and talked to her, asking us confirmation as mum was wrong about a lot of stuff. Anway she said given her state ( not moving around much, more bed to chair and not up and about) it would probably cause more problems and not give more quality or time for her. so we chose not to...... also the dr did say that hospital is probably the best unless we as a family had decided diff. I am glad she said that cos think dad may have wanted her home, and know dd does. the hardest thing besides having it totally confirmed that she will be gone... is she keeps saying she wants to go home. She has always said be in hospital, and she does know dad cant do this alone or even with just me. so she knows when lucid but man how hard it is on me, must be h@ll for dad her saying lets go home, hey we could go for awhile........ anyway long hard day and I am tired. I did better than I thought, except when dad was leaving the hospital for eve, and i hugged him and cried and he held me and kissed my cheek he was crying too cos he left some fast. I cant remember the last time he held me or kissed me so know that it was hard for him....
well going to go and do something, too dark to go walk. i did walk this am. I hope to go back to the pool on wed. get a bit of routine back for awhile.
HUGS to everyone.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Well mum got her hospital bed, understood when we took her where she was going etc.
Dad went back up around 7, but I wasnt talking to her. then dd and i went up at 8:30 to check and say goodnight. well she had been up at least 3 x. one time told the nurse yes she could help she was looking for aman, her husband. and oh there he is... sure enough he was walking in to see her. So now dad thinks they arent watching her. Anway they did get a sitter for the night to stay with her.
When we went in dd went in and i was talking to the nurse.dd comes out with tears. mummmmm she said oh lisa help me sit up I have to go home........ OMG tore at my heart and dd crying. OH man... i went in and said hi, whats going on adn you remember about the tumor and how dad needs rest etc. so when we left she was thinking about sleeping so pertty sure she will sleep and I know she will be fine cos I have done patient sitting and know all about it. I have actually worked on that unit so I am okay with this, just the guilt in one hand of her wanting to go home, but yet knowing it is the best thing.
I am overtired now, was beat earlier now am going to go to bed as niearly midnight. I hope and pray that dad sleeps. he is so tired the nurses are getting concerned about him.
I havent had time to do anyting but walk a short walk with dog the past 2 days. missed 2days at the pool, which is fine but i just want to keep taking care of me. Oh well...... Monday I may go to the pool. I can tell dad I will go to mum before or after or he in am. and me in afternoon.
wish i could find a money tree cos work has booked me off "incase" I need he weekend off and they cant fill it later. not really fair but......
Anyway we will be fine, just too bad this old world relies on the almighty buck so much.
I would love to go back to a abarter system.
night gotta get to bed.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Mum continues to amaze me, This morning I really thought she wouldnt be with us by this eve. She was not responding much, eyes really not focusing, which is a result of the brain tumor which the dr told me today is very large. This afternoon she was much as she was the past few days, then this eve okay now it is after 10 and I wont call dad now. I told him to call if he needed me or wanted me to stay.
So I have gotten the next step done, we are waiting for the hospital bed. She needs to be there for saftey reasons cos if she falls and breaks a hip or cracks her head, she will be in pain which i dont want. Right now it is mostly controlled. My dd is so devestated adn i told dh that i am worried she will get severely depressed cos not doing well with this at all. She talks well with her dad so he will have to be able to help her. His depression is okay now and he is doing well being here for me.
So hopefully we get through tonight, and she will be with us and able to get to a hospital palliative care bed. there are not any available right now but they are thinking a day or so. Knowing that someone has to die to get mum a bed is a tad hard but then I work in that field so know that.
I am going to go to bed, cos I am tired and if I read maybe i will fall asleep early.
dealing with death is certainly not easy and I have been lucky that I havent had much experienc e with it. tears are coming easy today, which is good for me. I called and said I wouldnt be at work fri or this weekend. she called and said can I take you off next weekend too. geesh but said yes I can call if all is okay but ........ sure not much pay this month. Terrible to have to think of $ at time like this. oh well we willb e fine still some savings we can use instead of paying on the new windows.
I will be here for mum when she needs me no matter what.
HUGS to all
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