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May 19 day 2

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

LOl yes I have to get back on track.... my Sp friend Von 1962 and I have both stated that we are back on track, so I decided to try to do my days again. hence dayyyyyyyy 2!

Life is still hectic. Mum is still in hospital and slowly going downhill. Some days are still pretty good, well 2 or 3 hrs of it then she is beat again. Mostly in bed, but able on a very good day to get in chair for a while. I have stopped going in the morning as she wasnt eating much and fell asleep very shortly afte I got there. Unfortunately, gas prices also play havoc in my visiting. Luckily we moved in from the country cos not sure what i would have done then! dad still goes 2x day, dd is there and I go too. ds drops in and dd is having issues with this. Oh well.
I had my interview and should hear back by end week if they are on time. I will not worry cos it will sort itself out. I do however need more hours from somewhere. I am going to walk to this new place today to time the walk. dog and I walked for 45 mins and mostly a good pace today. Very cool, winter jacket on and cold wind. argh........
Well was going to clean the inside of trailer today, suppose can put the heat on but gee. I have lots I can do in here instead. also dh and I are going up to the hosp. at supper as dd wants to make grampa and her bf supper at dads house. so I said all of you enjoy your time and I will feed mum and get her settled for the eve. will be a short visit as we have counc. at 6. I am hoping she will be awake this afternoon so she ewill be sleepy after supper. oh well all will be fine if we leave and she is awake for bit.
Gotta scoot - my back is really hurting sitting here. cya!!!
HUGS to all!
Cindy

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SF-RACHAEL 5/20/2009 1:38PM

    Hugs right back atcha, Cin. Way to go on Day 2. Keep on keeping on. You're doing great!!

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COSMIC_ENERGY 5/19/2009 5:35PM

    Light and love--Jude

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 5/19/2009 9:58AM

    Good for you for getting back on track. It's cold here too - I woke up to new snow on the ground and they are expecting more mixed with rain today. Have a good day Cindy - stay warm.
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MAUDELEBOWSKI 5/19/2009 9:51AM

    good luck with your interview & getting back on track!

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JIBBIE49 5/19/2009 9:51AM

    As Gilda Radner would say on Saturday Night Live "IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING!"

I 'm glad to see you are on Day 2, even with all the stress in your life. emoticon

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Sunday may 3rd

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Sunny day and I have to work at 3. thats okay as I havent been working and we dont want to use all our savings to pay for the new windows.
Got our RV on Friday!! what a f.... adventure trying to get it in the driveway! thank heavens 2 bus drivers that live down our street saw us and took pity and came up and helped him. WHEW not looking forward to getting it out of the driveway again! Dh will get better at it and we want to get the driveway widened some.
Mum is hanging on, had a good morning but wonder how she will be later. Dad wants to take her for a short drive today with lisa. it wears her out so much and not sure she knows now.
Well it is after lunch and I have to get myself organized for work.
hope you all are well and VON I sure hope we get a chance to chat soon.
HUGS ALL!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GERRYB54 5/4/2009 8:17AM

    Driveway parking for newbie RVers can be a real problem! People also forget sometimes to check their driveway to see if the RV can fit, make it up/down the slope without scraping...many things to consider.

My current RV had me worried slightly when we bought it, but I had checked everything needed, just concerned about the leveling legs scraping...it is better than any of my previous ones. The 19.5" wheels and the wheelbase make it much more accessible to sloping driveways without any problems.

You'll get the hang of it soon enough...I back mine into my driveway parking spot on a curved driveway through a 12' gate, no problems!

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JIBBIE49 5/3/2009 6:38PM

    emoticon

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COSMIC_ENERGY 5/3/2009 5:00PM

    But just think what great adventures you could have in the RV. Hope the drive gives your dad a sense of giving your mom a bit of escape. Know it's hard on everyone, and eventually it will be too hard to do. Rain slated here for the week-yuck. As a teacher, I think we may be in for a bumpy week. Blessings sent your way--Jude

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CJROMB 5/3/2009 12:01PM

    I've been thinking about you and what you've been going through with your Mum. I hope your Dad is handling this okay. It's so hard seeing them try to deal with someone they've known for so long and loved for so long be sick like that.

You're a great daughter, being there for them both.

I don't envy you trying to park the RV. I have a Ford F250 King Cab. It took awhile, and I know it's smaller than an RV, but I can now back that puppy into parking spots like a world champion. It impresses all the boys, but alas, I've been married for 20 years, so that's not useful. :)

Good luck on getting the other job, too, and have a great day.

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April 20th Hardest thing I have ever done

Monday, April 20, 2009

We had the meeting with mums Ca dr and radiologist and they were fantastic. She sat with mum and talked to her, asking us confirmation as mum was wrong about a lot of stuff. Anway she said given her state ( not moving around much, more bed to chair and not up and about) it would probably cause more problems and not give more quality or time for her. so we chose not to...... also the dr did say that hospital is probably the best unless we as a family had decided diff. I am glad she said that cos think dad may have wanted her home, and know dd does. the hardest thing besides having it totally confirmed that she will be gone... is she keeps saying she wants to go home. She has always said be in hospital, and she does know dad cant do this alone or even with just me. so she knows when lucid but man how hard it is on me, must be h@ll for dad her saying lets go home, hey we could go for awhile........ anyway long hard day and I am tired. I did better than I thought, except when dad was leaving the hospital for eve, and i hugged him and cried and he held me and kissed my cheek he was crying too cos he left some fast. I cant remember the last time he held me or kissed me so know that it was hard for him....
well going to go and do something, too dark to go walk. i did walk this am. I hope to go back to the pool on wed. get a bit of routine back for awhile.
HUGS to everyone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 4/21/2009 2:41PM

    I'm glad you are getting to have her in the hospital, since so many now will not take a patient for general care, but would have her go to a hospice. Glad it is working out for you and your father since I know how stressed you both are.
One of my Sparker friends said her Uncle died from a heart attack the other day, and her Aunt is terminal with breast cancer. He'd been taking care of her, so it was a total shock to the family. SO, I'm glad your father is getting a break.

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CAROLYN4033 4/21/2009 9:20AM

    Cindy, I hear the pain your feeling and I am so sorry. I DO know that this is the hardest thing to do. I went through this 10 yrs ago with my mom. The sadness is overwhelming and time is the only thing that helps (somewhat). Hospice was wonderful for our family and for mom. The sooner you get them involved the better. I will pray for strength for you and your family, for I will be thinking of you often. May your heart find peace......Carolyn

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KEIRALYNN 4/21/2009 2:10AM

    I'm so sorry Cindy, it makes me cyr to think of what your family is going through. I hope you can feel my (((((hugs)))))). Call me if you want to talk. When John was going through cancer I talked to a counselor at the cancer clinic, it really helped. Someone outside of the immediate family to talk to helps you to deal with the stress of it all. You go back to family feeling a bit betterafter talking it out. (((((HUGS)))))

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COSMIC_ENERGY 4/20/2009 9:47PM

    Cindy-

It is a hard time, but hopefully, you & your dad will get some rest. Does the hospital have any counseling for families, groups of caregivers, hospice chaplains that your dad would go to get validation that he is not alone in this and others struggle with these decisions too? These transitions adjustments are big hills to climb. Big Hugs--Jude

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HADYDADUBR 4/20/2009 8:30PM

    It is good that you and your Dad can comfort each other during this difficult time.
Remember your friends are thinking of you too. Mary

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LOSINGLINNDY 4/20/2009 8:19PM

    This is such a difficult time for you and your dad. Knowing you are losing someone you love is devastating. It is good that you can cry with your dad and comfort each other. Always know that I am here for you.

Blessing, Gaylinn

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/20/2009 8:09PM

    Aw, that's so sad.....and it must be so hard. Please take care. And remember to breath and cry if you need to, just cry to cleanse your soul.
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April 17th Such a sad day, feel so bad for mum

Friday, April 17, 2009

Well mum got her hospital bed, understood when we took her where she was going etc.
Dad went back up around 7, but I wasnt talking to her. then dd and i went up at 8:30 to check and say goodnight. well she had been up at least 3 x. one time told the nurse yes she could help she was looking for aman, her husband. and oh there he is... sure enough he was walking in to see her. So now dad thinks they arent watching her. Anway they did get a sitter for the night to stay with her.
When we went in dd went in and i was talking to the nurse.dd comes out with tears. mummmmm she said oh lisa help me sit up I have to go home........ OMG tore at my heart and dd crying. OH man... i went in and said hi, whats going on adn you remember about the tumor and how dad needs rest etc. so when we left she was thinking about sleeping so pertty sure she will sleep and I know she will be fine cos I have done patient sitting and know all about it. I have actually worked on that unit so I am okay with this, just the guilt in one hand of her wanting to go home, but yet knowing it is the best thing.
I am overtired now, was beat earlier now am going to go to bed as niearly midnight. I hope and pray that dad sleeps. he is so tired the nurses are getting concerned about him.
I havent had time to do anyting but walk a short walk with dog the past 2 days. missed 2days at the pool, which is fine but i just want to keep taking care of me. Oh well...... Monday I may go to the pool. I can tell dad I will go to mum before or after or he in am. and me in afternoon.
wish i could find a money tree cos work has booked me off "incase" I need he weekend off and they cant fill it later. not really fair but......
Anyway we will be fine, just too bad this old world relies on the almighty buck so much.
I would love to go back to a abarter system.
night gotta get to bed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HADYDADUBR 4/19/2009 12:38PM

    Glad your mom got a bed so you and your dad can rest. Take care of yourself. Mary :)

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JIBBIE49 4/18/2009 7:47PM

    emoticon

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KEIRALYNN 4/18/2009 4:18PM

    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I have lost many loved ones over the years and it is never easy but you do find an inner strength to get through it. ((((( HUGS))))) Try and take time to go the the pool, if possible, any stress relief you can find helps.

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VON_1962 4/18/2009 5:33AM

    I am glad to hear your mom got a bed and that your dad will get some rest. I know she is in good hands at the hospital. You and I both work this field and know how important it is for the family to get some rest so, take your own advice and rest and take care of you. Your mom is in good hands. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Hope to see you around a bit this weekend. I am on the dayshift this weekend. Get this they want me to go back to nightshift because they are so short. I laughed! Take care my friend! ((hugs)) A day at the pool sounds like a much needed release.

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HEALTHY4JEANNE 4/17/2009 10:45PM

    I hope that you are able to get some rest. Be kind to yourself.
I am sorry that you have to go through this.
Jeanne

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COSMIC_ENERGY 4/17/2009 10:41PM

    Take the rest--you will need to stop often and schedule breaks for yourself to stay rested and in control of your own life. I know you're keeping a level head about this all--Even so, it's hard to do what has to been done at times.

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CALOUSTE 4/17/2009 10:40PM

    I am so sorry for your situation, it must be incredibly hard. Get some rest and take good care.

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MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/17/2009 10:32PM

    Time for you to get some much needed rest too. Take the weekend off work and do just that. Rest and regain your strength. Many, many hugs to you.
MG

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April 15th still with us

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Mum continues to amaze me, This morning I really thought she wouldnt be with us by this eve. She was not responding much, eyes really not focusing, which is a result of the brain tumor which the dr told me today is very large. This afternoon she was much as she was the past few days, then this eve okay now it is after 10 and I wont call dad now. I told him to call if he needed me or wanted me to stay.
So I have gotten the next step done, we are waiting for the hospital bed. She needs to be there for saftey reasons cos if she falls and breaks a hip or cracks her head, she will be in pain which i dont want. Right now it is mostly controlled. My dd is so devestated adn i told dh that i am worried she will get severely depressed cos not doing well with this at all. She talks well with her dad so he will have to be able to help her. His depression is okay now and he is doing well being here for me.
So hopefully we get through tonight, and she will be with us and able to get to a hospital palliative care bed. there are not any available right now but they are thinking a day or so. Knowing that someone has to die to get mum a bed is a tad hard but then I work in that field so know that.
I am going to go to bed, cos I am tired and if I read maybe i will fall asleep early.
dealing with death is certainly not easy and I have been lucky that I havent had much experienc e with it. tears are coming easy today, which is good for me. I called and said I wouldnt be at work fri or this weekend. she called and said can I take you off next weekend too. geesh but said yes I can call if all is okay but ........ sure not much pay this month. Terrible to have to think of $ at time like this. oh well we willb e fine still some savings we can use instead of paying on the new windows.
I will be here for mum when she needs me no matter what.
HUGS to all

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZESTYLADY 4/16/2009 9:28AM

    Thinking of you and praying for you all

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JIBBIE49 4/16/2009 12:34AM

    It is too bad your mother can't just stay at home and have peace and quiet and have a "Visiting nurse" to care for her. I remember when Jackie Onassis was terminal, she left the hospital and came home for several days before she passed. She was only 64.
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VON_1962 4/15/2009 10:08PM

    Hello! Sorry to hear about your mom falling again. I am glad that they are going to be able to get a bed for her in a couple of days at the hospital. I know that will give you a bit more reassurance. I worked 13 hours today so, I am just now getting online. I tried to catch you but, you had already gotten off. I will be on Thursday morning. I am glad your job has given you the time off. I traded shifts and am working eves on Thursday and off on Friday. I will look around here for you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Although, we do this line of work it is still tough when it comes to our own families. ((hugs)) I am thinking about you.

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COSMIC_ENERGY 4/15/2009 9:47PM

    deep sleep-sweet dreams emoticon

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