Sunday, April 11, 2010
I had so many great responses to my last blog and have found 2 new very motivating spark people. With all this all I can do is try again, and try for ME!!
I have been given this week coming off work because of my knee issues. So today I am cleaning my kitchen, yea I know off to rest my knee but if I gget this done, then will be better to relax all week. It needs to be done and never seem to have time. Today was a work day so nothing is planned, dh has to be around cos someone is coming to buy the hitch for our old trailer.
Sunny but very cold so nice day to be in but in good mood.
Slept well, the tylenol 3 must be helping some- dr gave me that and more arthrotec yesterday. Last 2 nights have had dreams of mum, not bad ones just weird mixed with some people from work. woke crying in the night last night so perhaps I am finally grieving, in my sleep but thats okay cos havent really.
So onward with my day. breakfast wasnt great but wasnt bad and I am going to dig out my new notebook and write feelings and all that too not just food. I hope to do some upper wts again. lower body will have to wait.
LOL HEY CAZ!!! dd and bridesmaids went dress shopping, I met them at one store and tried on a few dresses. OMG incentive but if needs to be ordered, have to do it ASAP! EEEEK taking dh on monday to show him 2 of them. Pretty sure wont be them as not paying 500$ for MY dress! lol
Friday, April 09, 2010
I AM SO VERY FUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!! Okay enough screaming! LOL
We had a great day yesterday. A fantastic day we went and picked up our new trailer and got home and dh got it in the driveway in one try!!! great for backing in a 32 ft trailer in a 34 ft driveway!! Super sunny day, not a lot of traffic and good time cos it is 3 hrs one way.
So relief cos I have been having high anxiety over this backing up the trailer issue. Once again, reaffirming that worry is useless!! not sure how many times I have to relearn that lesson too!LOL
Food wise, I haven't a clue what I weight, can't be bothered to look. I am so frustrated, angry cos I can't walk and barely ride that bike. I am scared I will need major surg. on my knee, ( hey what if I don't why worry!!!) And then the financial all creeps in too.
I have tried to eat reg. healthy and just end up with carbs. I am a carb aholic. I did well with the paleo till I got sick of eating meat, not a huge meat eater and fish is a trial cos don't like it. I know in my head that limited carbs and more fruit, veggies and meat is what is healthy. I hve the eat clean book, my son sent me a copy of his e book - paleo. He is still doing well.
now my sil who is short and over 200 lbs has lost 15 lbs by giving up dairy and gluten. No idea why she has chosen this but someone must have talked to her as she has no idea about food stuffs.
Please I am not jealous of her losing the weight. She needs this badly. I am envious of anyone that can seem to stick to something for any length of time. I just can't seem to do it, and yes I say I want to but you know what........do I??? IF i really do then why can't I do it for ME!
So just have to get that mind set but I almost don't feel like trying to find it cos hell it just leaves anyway. I rarely get this "not caring if I even try" . I don't feel depressed anywhere else. Now granted I know that mum being sick, losing mum, caring for dad, dh, work, knee, previous back, then foot, then knee last winter... have offered me opportunities to feel down, sorry and blah, but hey there is alway someone way worse off.
So guess can end this with a pep talk......... brush yourself off, today is a new day, you had a great day yesterday and today you can start fresh again. Thankfully I still have that opportunity.
So now Hang on ................ I will go weigh myself.... 194.4
that is what I was last week. had 2 easter bunnies in there and haven't cared what I eat so that is giving me incentive to smarten up.
I was down as low as 188 had lost 10 lbs - okay before I find the rest let's get moving.
SPark friends and just spark people give me a kick, boost, ideas for ex. with a bad knee anything to tell me to get on this track again.
HUGS and please do your best! don't let yourself go down like I do. I get so sad when this happens.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Okay here we go again............... WHY !!!!!!?????? I did so well all of Jan /Feb even though my back was bad, I did my exercises etc. got up every am at 5.... Then bang back was getting better and I hurt my knee. Dr said no back exercises, mostly ice and rest. Now able to do some bike and of course weights. I have gone from walking dog daily, riding bike daily and weights daily to once in while dog walk, dr did say not to walk extra as I walk all day at work, and bike whenever and weights maybe 3x wk. So is it a surprise that I am like that prverbial YO YO omg I can't even work a yo yo and yet I can mimic one really well! ARGH.
So back up to 190.0 today, havent even weighed in a week or more. So frustrated.
Now what I know......... good non processed food and portion control with exercise is the key. I know that. Now finding paleo too difficult to do al the time. So started doing phase 1. yea well that doesn't work as I cheat too much when given leaway. So between not knowing what to do with food. ( cos reg. trying to limit and eat properly is hard ( YEA YEA whine and complain what isn't hard if it is a challenge FOOLISH ME DUH!) and not being able to exercise much I am at a standstill. I have to get back to doing some bike going 5 mins rest knee do weights and then ride 5 mins. I was trying hard to get back to 30 mins at time as I was doing but can feel the knee rebel. OMG I am so stupid but I don't use that word so LOL will thesuaras it for diff word HA. I hate the word stupid but that is a diff blog entirely.
Okay have just did half of my problem, see journallling/ blogging does work to solve problems.! Do it slow and steady............. each day do 5 mins then later in am another 5, when I get home 5 and later 5. as long as my knee isnt bad that day. ( waiting for specialist apt)
Food well I know what should be happening but to write it out is just a lie, as it doesn't happen. It is a continuing 30 eyar story now.
So try the HARD way and do the protion control and good for me food. Geesh have lots here from paleo diet. So do that just add back some of the proper healthier carbs. go back to my clean eating team and incorperate that and paleo - they are both just healthy non processed foods.
Now I leave all you with this almost embarassing question. I know more than myself do this.
Why when I sit down to read spark people motivation pages, do I eat? I used to do it while watching biggest loser but then started exercising along with them. I may spend 30 mins if that watching tv other than BL. so not a problem there. But yesterday I went back to page 30 or so in the spark people motivator pages and omg I swear every page i read I went back into the kitchen for something - and none was good stuff. nope not apple, or mango or cantaloupe, or caulifower, carrots, yea they are all in there........ So I hope I get ideas to that, and jump in with all the what to do to really get this "hard" into my life. and what to do with exercise. I have a blog of shark59 on my fridge about hard and perseverence. and a spark thing about it too.
Thanks buddies............ I have to get back on this wagon again. I am so sick of yo- yoing. lol it is making me nauseous!
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