OKAY NOW!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I had so many great responses to my last blog and have found 2 new very motivating spark people. With all this all I can do is try again, and try for ME!!
I have been given this week coming off work because of my knee issues. So today I am cleaning my kitchen, yea I know off to rest my knee but if I gget this done, then will be better to relax all week. It needs to be done and never seem to have time. Today was a work day so nothing is planned, dh has to be around cos someone is coming to buy the hitch for our old trailer.
Sunny but very cold so nice day to be in but in good mood.
Slept well, the tylenol 3 must be helping some- dr gave me that and more arthrotec yesterday. Last 2 nights have had dreams of mum, not bad ones just weird mixed with some people from work. woke crying in the night last night so perhaps I am finally grieving, in my sleep but thats okay cos havent really.
So onward with my day. breakfast wasnt great but wasnt bad and I am going to dig out my new notebook and write feelings and all that too not just food. I hope to do some upper wts again. lower body will have to wait.

LOL HEY CAZ!!! dd and bridesmaids went dress shopping, I met them at one store and tried on a few dresses. OMG incentive but if needs to be ordered, have to do it ASAP! EEEEK taking dh on monday to show him 2 of them. Pretty sure wont be them as not paying 500$ for MY dress! lol

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHITE-LOTUS 4/11/2010 1:46PM

Here's to time off while you have it, pain free knees when it happens, and loving life inbetween. Report Inappropriate Comment

SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 4/11/2010 9:01AM

Caz is definitely one of SP's best motivators (she used to have the icon before she had to re-do her page... we'll have to nominate her again). Journalling and recognizing feelings, thoughts is very therapeutic. I use my blogs in this way and have come a long way in the past couple of years (my blogs go way back - you could see pages of them if you wanted to)... and the key thing is to be POSITIVE no matter what! Report Inappropriate Comment

NEW-CAZ 4/11/2010 7:39AM

I am so glad you're thinking more positivly now Cinderelli and totally agree do it for you! And you do have the incentive of the wedding now it's finally been made real and immenent for you Have a great week, rest that knee and gather strength then GO TO IT GIRLFRIEND or I'll be kicking you butt BIG TIME 4 U Report Inappropriate Comment

Friday April 9th up -down - down argh. and I don't mean weight

Friday, April 09, 2010

I AM SO VERY FUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!! Okay enough screaming! LOL
We had a great day yesterday. A fantastic day we went and picked up our new trailer and got home and dh got it in the driveway in one try!!! great for backing in a 32 ft trailer in a 34 ft driveway!! Super sunny day, not a lot of traffic and good time cos it is 3 hrs one way.

So relief cos I have been having high anxiety over this backing up the trailer issue. Once again, reaffirming that worry is useless!! not sure how many times I have to relearn that lesson too!LOL

Food wise, I haven't a clue what I weight, can't be bothered to look. I am so frustrated, angry cos I can't walk and barely ride that bike. I am scared I will need major surg. on my knee, ( hey what if I don't why worry!!!) And then the financial all creeps in too.

I have tried to eat reg. healthy and just end up with carbs. I am a carb aholic. I did well with the paleo till I got sick of eating meat, not a huge meat eater and fish is a trial cos don't like it. I know in my head that limited carbs and more fruit, veggies and meat is what is healthy. I hve the eat clean book, my son sent me a copy of his e book - paleo. He is still doing well.

now my sil who is short and over 200 lbs has lost 15 lbs by giving up dairy and gluten. No idea why she has chosen this but someone must have talked to her as she has no idea about food stuffs.

Please I am not jealous of her losing the weight. She needs this badly. I am envious of anyone that can seem to stick to something for any length of time. I just can't seem to do it, and yes I say I want to but you know what........do I??? IF i really do then why can't I do it for ME!

So just have to get that mind set but I almost don't feel like trying to find it cos hell it just leaves anyway. I rarely get this "not caring if I even try" . I don't feel depressed anywhere else. Now granted I know that mum being sick, losing mum, caring for dad, dh, work, knee, previous back, then foot, then knee last winter... have offered me opportunities to feel down, sorry and blah, but hey there is alway someone way worse off.

So guess can end this with a pep talk......... brush yourself off, today is a new day, you had a great day yesterday and today you can start fresh again. Thankfully I still have that opportunity.
So now Hang on ................ I will go weigh myself.... 194.4

that is what I was last week. had 2 easter bunnies in there and haven't cared what I eat so that is giving me incentive to smarten up.
I was down as low as 188 had lost 10 lbs - okay before I find the rest let's get moving.

SPark friends and just spark people give me a kick, boost, ideas for ex. with a bad knee anything to tell me to get on this track again.

HUGS and please do your best! don't let yourself go down like I do. I get so sad when this happens.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOTSLADY 4/10/2010 8:49PM

Well here's my take on you (and hello, I don't really know you!);0): Your life experiences have left you in some despair. I am trying to be a home-base to a kid who doesn't think she needs me, DH has been away for 2-1/2 years, parents are in decline, sis is a mess and always has been, $$$ and economy yada; really, I'm lonely but too tired to invest in my current life because I know DH's soon to retire and we'll move again. I try to keep my chin up and focus on myself and what I have control over. HOWEVER, deeeep down, I'm sad about stuff. I am conflicted about whether it's because of a tormented childhood and a bunch of psychology blah or because of my undiagnosed celiac and subsequent ill health and lack of having lived my dreams. It's HARD to do when you're in the dumps. I tell you this because I KNOW that my gut has been damaged by the grains, and I KNOW that giving up dairy will help continue my gut repair. I have waited four years to do this and I only did it with PROOF -lol. I love dairy; I thought yogurt would be good for my gut. Anyway, for me, having a bad gut (without gut pains, btw) leaves one with bad brains. My neurotransmitters don't work right; hence depression and always having to "buck up." If I try to heal my gut more, maybe I won't need neuro supplement support in the future. Not sure if I ever had them to begin with really. My body's not used to producing them, so I'm aiding them. The paleo diet is the root of health. I'm NOT a meat eater! I have struggled with protein since I can remember. Oh, as a kid I used to like hot dogs til my vegetarian uncle told me what was in them :(. lol. I NEVER ate eggs til only recently. Now I eat them all the time - grateful for they are easy to prepare as I'm not a cook. I'm a salad maker. :) Anyway, my point is that my body DOES respond to paleo when I do it. I lose weight when I'm happy, too. And the neuro supps I'm taking are helping me increase my serotonin, which makes life SOOOO much easier. It's really brighter on the other side. Maybe you need to look into 5-HTP and other supplements? I got my neuros tested via a holistic doc and a urine test via neuroscience.com - fyi. I don't know what to tell you about that knee. Hope you can heal and move on. for some neuro support and vitamin D :) whatever you decide. Try to not worry ... easier said than done, but try. I am. :) Report Inappropriate Comment

DONWISS 4/9/2010 10:40PM

@MOMMA_GRIZZ. I've been on a strict paleo diet for 14 years. I have every intention of sticking with it for the rest of my life. This isn't to lose weight, but the paleo diet is the best chance we have to avoid the various diseases of civilization. There is no question that cancer is caused by grain consumption, along with a shortage of Vitamin D. So grains have to go. @HEALTHY4ME. The paleo diet certainly does not need to be high meat! The diet is simply based on foods being either in or out. In are the Paleolithic Era foods (meat, fish, shellfish, eggs, tree nuts, vegetables, roots, fruit, berries, mushrooms, etc.). Out are Neolithic Era foods (grains, dairy, beans/legumes, potatoes, sugar and fake foods). Under the paleo concept the quantities consumed of each “in” food is up to the individual. You can make it meat heavy if you want, or more fruit and veggies if you prefer, as long as the foods you eat are paleo. That is all there is to it. More detail on paleo eating is here: http://paleodiet.com/definition.htm Report Inappropriate Comment

DBCLARINET 4/9/2010 4:36PM

Hey! Sorry to hear you're so down! I figure if you can't stick for something for a long period of time, it's because it's not right for you! For me, Paleo works because I AM a meat eater! I tried vegan once and was so unsatisfied and bored with my meals that I gained weight from eating so much, just to try and feel satisfied. It's also why I only run occassionally -- when I feel like it. My husband doesn't eat Paleo. He's just trying to practice good old-fashioned portion control and moving more. He definitely caves in some days, and the scale shows it, but the downward trend is there and that's enough motivation. Don't worry about whatever diet you're on. Like I said, I believe that if you can't sustain it, then it's not right for you. Report Inappropriate Comment

NEW-CAZ 4/9/2010 3:47PM

Hi Cinders you know I usually kick your butt but I'm not going to this time as I can hear the sadness and frustration in your blog hun. This is so not you! Maybe you're trying to do this from too many angles and listening to too many diets?? You joined SP for a reason. The eating plan seemed simple- plenty of fruit and veg , a portion of protein, fit in some carbs and you're away. Then you've got to exercise and umpteen other things. Go back to basics; right down what YOU can enjoy eating and plan some meals around that adjusting portion sizes. Something that fits your way of living. If the calorie intake is in the range you will start to lose weight. What works for SIL may not work for you and if you find it difficult to follow you're doomed to fail. MOMMA_GRIZZ has the right idea- go back to phase one, put Easter and all the naughties eaten behind you and start from scratch 2moro. You wouldn't have written this blog if you wanted to give up you just need a jolt in the right direction....think of the wedding!!!!!!!!!!! And start rewarding yourself for little victories, take it slow and one day at a time. Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/9/2010 11:47AM

Aw, sorry to hear you are so frustrated. There are so many different diets out there and some of them I don't think are so healthy. Sometimes it gets confusing when I try to read up on other 'diets' so I stick with something simple; one that doesn't have so many restrictions but is sensible healthy eating. Remember what you want is a healthy lifestyle, a plan that you can stick with for the rest of your life? Could you really stick with the Paleo diet for the rest of your life? I wouldn't be able to. Why don't you try to go back to phase 1 of the SparkPeople plan? That's what I did - I'm at stage 2 and it has reopened my eyes and really lessened the confusion about what I should be doing. It's simple and it's healthy. Take it one day at a time; one choice; one step. Don't get frustrated but celebrate your achievements; no matter how small you may think they are. Remember it's not a race; it's a journey. And the journey is not ruled by the numbers on the scale alone. Report Inappropriate Comment

WHITE-LOTUS 4/9/2010 8:35AM

Join the club. I started back on South Beach this week and did well most days till last night. Had 2 baked corn tortillas with my taco salad, then Wham something happened! I ate everything in sight. I have worked out everyday this week--A major accomplishment for me since I'd ignored my Curves membership the last 2 months. Allergies are killing me. When I try to clean the yard a bit I either regret it the next day or my arthritis acts up and I suffer. So I hear you--I think I will take my own medicine and journal for 10 min when I want to splurge about how I'm feeling to check the pattern. I I feel like a bloated squinty eyed balloon that needs to be popped with a stick this morning. Report Inappropriate Comment

Sat. April 3rd A fantastic day

Saturday, April 03, 2010

What a fantastic day !!!! Sun and warm temps. I didn't sleep well but have got a lot accomplished and have felt great. Dh and I went with dad to pick up his new car. Then he treated us to brunch which was nice. Last time he went to that restaurant, he wasn't able to eat as was first time since mum had died. Today he told us that and said I will be back now.
Picked up a bottle of wine for tomorrow and then we went home. We have to shorten our garden a bit so we will have more room for the new trailer in the driveway. I thought today is a good day to move those bricks since it is so warm. Our luck would rain and then what. Dh came out and we decided what we wanted, I started but since I can't get on my knee at all, dh ended up doing more than 3/4 of it! YAY done and we are both happy. now to go buy some gravel/rocks to put in where the dirt is in front.
Also got a bush trimed and one dug out. Came in and swept the house, tidyed the living room and cleaned bathroom. I only have the kitchen to do and bake a banana cream pie for tomorrow. Mum always made that on easter so will be a good memory.
Ds and his little family, ohhh the baby is coming, lol are coming. not sure if dd will be back in time but she hopes to come for some. and Dad will be over. Ds is helping me do the ham and dil will finally cut my hair!
Should be a great day again. now if my knee was clicking all the time.
and.............. I applied for a job I found online, it is a clinical assistant full time perm. but no idea of wages. I figured won't know if I don't apply so hope for the best. I only found 2 others and they are part time and casual and that isn't going to work the way they want someone. Oh well will keep looking and trying to find a career counc. place.
hope you all have a great Easter weekend and holiday as you see fit to spend it.
HUGS ALL!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEW-CAZ 4/4/2010 3:46AM

Hey little energizer bunny you got LOADS done. You have a new trailer? Another? I thought you only bought one a short while ago- or is it the same one? Sorry I have my nosey hat on today. Have a great Easter celebration with your family Hugs Caz Report Inappropriate Comment

LOSINGLINNDY 4/3/2010 11:09PM

Have a wonderful time with your family. And congratulations for all you got done. Wow! Report Inappropriate Comment

WHITE-LOTUS 4/3/2010 8:49PM

Ummm...banana creme pie. My dad loved that too. I cleaned, walked, raked and now everything hurts. Resting up for church and cooking for the kids tomorrow. Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMMA_GRIZZ 4/3/2010 6:48PM

Have a fantastic day tomorrow and enjoy! Good luck with the job application too! :D Report Inappropriate Comment

BIPOLARBEAR68 4/3/2010 4:31PM

Hugs to you and Happy Easter to you and yours!!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

An opportunity to at least put myself out and try...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Those of you that read my blogs, know that I have had back and now knee issues. I have put out a few resumes when my back was first sore but no calls so stopped. Last night we went out for supper with my sister in law and her hubby who has his own computer repair etc. biz. he services many dr clinics etc.
He was very concerned about my knee and of course previous back issues. He said I will keep my ears open. Well he just called!!! a lady who runs a huge group of family mecial offices etc. She is looking for someone to run an ostoporosis clinic at various locations. She told him $15 an hr which is a bit lower than now but hey, and he isn't sure if it is full time etc.
He told her about me, she said tell her to call. So luck has it tomorrow is my day off!!! YES!!! so I will call her and see what she says. Can't hurt, I am a tad nervous cos of my knee and what do I say...cos I am figuring I will have to have at least the menisucus fixed which is 2-6 wks off. anyway will talk to her and hope for the best. dh allready said even if it is part time take it, then go casual at this place. LOL he has me getting the job allready.
I hope I am pleased with what she says and has to offer and that in turn she wants me!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEW-CAZ 3/31/2010 7:40AM

What brilliant news CInders I'll keep my fingers (and eyes) crossed for luck. Let us know how it goes hun Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMMA_GRIZZ 3/31/2010 1:37AM

Yah it can't hurt - good luck! Report Inappropriate Comment

DBCLARINET 3/30/2010 8:23PM

Hoping for the best! Report Inappropriate Comment

WHITE-LOTUS 3/30/2010 7:48PM

Hey - It can't hurt right?? How great it all pans out--If not, you've gotten experience interviewing once again. $15 seems incredibly low though. Report Inappropriate Comment

Friday- Figure out what to do.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Okay here we go again............... WHY !!!!!!?????? I did so well all of Jan /Feb even though my back was bad, I did my exercises etc. got up every am at 5.... Then bang back was getting better and I hurt my knee. Dr said no back exercises, mostly ice and rest. Now able to do some bike and of course weights. I have gone from walking dog daily, riding bike daily and weights daily to once in while dog walk, dr did say not to walk extra as I walk all day at work, and bike whenever and weights maybe 3x wk. So is it a surprise that I am like that prverbial YO YO omg I can't even work a yo yo and yet I can mimic one really well! ARGH.
So back up to 190.0 today, havent even weighed in a week or more. So frustrated.
Now what I know......... good non processed food and portion control with exercise is the key. I know that. Now finding paleo too difficult to do al the time. So started doing phase 1. yea well that doesn't work as I cheat too much when given leaway. So between not knowing what to do with food. ( cos reg. trying to limit and eat properly is hard ( YEA YEA whine and complain what isn't hard if it is a challenge FOOLISH ME DUH!) and not being able to exercise much I am at a standstill. I have to get back to doing some bike going 5 mins rest knee do weights and then ride 5 mins. I was trying hard to get back to 30 mins at time as I was doing but can feel the knee rebel. OMG I am so stupid but I don't use that word so LOL will thesuaras it for diff word HA. I hate the word stupid but that is a diff blog entirely.
Okay have just did half of my problem, see journallling/ blogging does work to solve problems.! Do it slow and steady............. each day do 5 mins then later in am another 5, when I get home 5 and later 5. as long as my knee isnt bad that day. ( waiting for specialist apt)
Food well I know what should be happening but to write it out is just a lie, as it doesn't happen. It is a continuing 30 eyar story now.
So try the HARD way and do the protion control and good for me food. Geesh have lots here from paleo diet. So do that just add back some of the proper healthier carbs. go back to my clean eating team and incorperate that and paleo - they are both just healthy non processed foods.
Now I leave all you with this almost embarassing question. I know more than myself do this.
Why when I sit down to read spark people motivation pages, do I eat? I used to do it while watching biggest loser but then started exercising along with them. I may spend 30 mins if that watching tv other than BL. so not a problem there. But yesterday I went back to page 30 or so in the spark people motivator pages and omg I swear every page i read I went back into the kitchen for something - and none was good stuff. nope not apple, or mango or cantaloupe, or caulifower, carrots, yea they are all in there........ So I hope I get ideas to that, and jump in with all the what to do to really get this "hard" into my life. and what to do with exercise. I have a blog of shark59 on my fridge about hard and perseverence. and a spark thing about it too.
Thanks buddies............ I have to get back on this wagon again. I am so sick of yo- yoing. lol it is making me nauseous!

HUGS

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKYROBERT 3/28/2010 2:43PM

Be gentle on yourself! It'll happen, changes take time. Report Inappropriate Comment

WHITE-LOTUS 3/27/2010 11:55PM

I hear ya--my baby ain't going nowhere! Flip side--I had a great day at the daffordil festival and ate the best (tasting) food. Hope I walked enough to burn some of it off. Hang on--keep the faith-try try again-keep on keeping on--I'm in the boat with you! Report Inappropriate Comment

NEW-CAZ 3/26/2010 7:17AM

Cinders there is litle point in beating yourself over gaining hun- you've got long term health problems that are not going to go away overnight. You need to adapt hun- doing 5 mins on and off throughout the day is just as beneficial as 30 straight off. Perhaps while you're reading you could sip water instead of grazing-everytime you're tempted to wonder in the kitchen get another glass of water. Or make a healthy salad and pick at that. If you use the nutrition tracker and plot out one day's food you can figure in these nibbles and not go overboard........and lose weight hun. Or perhaps you're not eating enough at meal times to fill you up so you don't WANT to graze. I hear how frustrating this is for you but...... Haven't you got a wedding to look ravishing for - let that be your goal date, Have a great Friday xx Report Inappropriate Comment