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Do I have no shame?

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

I was talking to a fellow sparker today, who is a great friend of mine. We met on another site and have morphed over to here. We both do great by spurts, so so by others and down right terrible other times.

I mentioned that I had joined some challenge teams -yet again! OMG why... even the ones that know me on here well, will say why does she do that to herself. I am so not good with challenges at all. I seem to self sabotage so easily when on a challenge. When you think it would make me do better it seems to do the opposite.
So henced my title do I have no shame???!!!! do I not care what others read or think about me? Sorry to say there have been many times, years infact that I cared more what people were thinking that what I thought of myself.
Not saying that I don't now care what I think of myself, getting better at that finally. I also do still care what others think, in respect that I am a good person, friend ect.
I am thankful to have a few very close friends here on spark and many others that also pull me up and have had to more than their fair share. I do have shame in saying that I have been a member since 2006 and weigh more now than when I joined. Want an excuse - hmmm I can pick a few, menopause, death in family, bad job, moved.... oh yea lots of spark successes have had those also. hmmm so the excuses don't cut it eh! ( yea I am Canadian! LOL)
Okay the past few days I have not felt like eating right, or anything related to that. I have to give myself a HUGE pat - I did log all that I ate!!! WWOW and that was a lot. I have gone off the gf path cos didn't see any diff. in anything in the 2 months I was on it, but will say am very much carb addicted. oh so want it bad.............
What am I going to do about all this? Sorry to say spark isn't working cos I don't work at it. Spark is awesome but it can't do the work for you. It won't make those suppers, won't buy the right healthy food and portion it out in sensible portions. NOPE sorry you have to do that. You also have to try to make your body move, no matter how you feel. Even a little is better than not, when you are hurt, or sick. Granted there are times that exercise is not good and you should respect your dr or your body and stop. But I have been known to really worry about oh my knees, my back, myhip and if I work it will make it worse. Helps lots that I have a hubby that does believe that! "you are just going to hurt yourself!"
Okay ONE DAY AT A TIME as I said a few blogs back. That has to be imbedded in my brain. also MIND OVER MATTER!!!! I can and I will do this. Cos I need to for me!! not cos I joined a challenge and feel as if I have to, cos for some unknown reason that just stops me quick. I am still going to try to continue with the 30 day challenge and the 1 thing a day. MY heavens I should be able to do 1 thing a day!!???
So all the reasons I want/need to lose are there, everyone says you have to want it. well I PRESUME I do, cos sure know it would help me mentally, physically and medically so what's holding me back. ME so hey you!!! get out of your own way!!!
MOVE cos I am ready to make this happen!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIETEXAS 9/8/2011 10:04PM

    My opinion is that shame is greatly overrated anyway so you go girl! I hear you, I have been on Spark since October 25, 2007, losing the same 10-12 pounds over and over again until I gave up. No more. I can waste more time being negative or beating myself up about how long it has taken me but I don't have any more time to waste. Your blog made me think of a quote from the first season of The West Wing which I have been re-watching lately. "I tell you what, let's forget the fact that you're coming a
little late to the party and embrace the fact that you showed up at all." I am celebrating that I have shown up at last!
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We are going to rock this party!!!!

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MENNOLY 9/8/2011 9:29AM

    It is better to start with a small goal and achieve than aim for a large foal and get discouraged. I am finally on a roll now. But in the last 10 years I had several false starts. I have injured myself a couple of times and quit for too long of a time because "I had to be well first". And my goals are relatively small. It is only when they are accumulated that I can realize I have come a long way. You can do it too. A drop a day over time will carve out a canyon. So build up your drops until they become a trickle and then a stream and eventually a river. emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 9/7/2011 3:05AM

    Cinders you're still here plugging away and in the end it's the small steps that get the weight off. I don't think I know of one Sparker who for whatever reason has gotten diverted or temporarily lost their MOJO along the way.
I saw a motivational sign that you might like for your workout room....


http://www.spar
kpeople.com/mypage_public_journ
al_individual.asp?blog_id=44671
62

Keep at it hun and if you ever need a emoticon up the butt you know where I am. emoticon emoticon

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ALLPROTAMMY 9/6/2011 10:31PM

    So...for today you are going to......

For today I want to be healthier because I am not going to be thin any time soon. but for today I can....eat whatever I want within my calorie limit...but I have to stay within the calories...it may mean I get to eat fifteen cookies but that is what I want to do..

Okay so I just made that up...you can do this..one small change a day! I'm rooting for you!

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HDHAWK 9/6/2011 10:03PM

    I've been here 4 years and am back to my highest weight too! I haven't been able to get going no matter how bad I've wanted to. I'm still here and not giving up. My "want to" will show up again one of these days! Yours will too!

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ZESTYLADY 9/6/2011 9:28PM

    Oh dear! I so understand what you are saying. But...you are still here and still care about your health. And yes...pretty much we have to suck it up and do the work. I'm still looking for that magic bullet...must have missed my by a mile! I don't do well with challenges either, yet I just joined one over at Yoovie's site. She's quite the character and motivator. What I like about her latest challenge is that it is set up to make you establish your own baseline and you work to achieve your own personal best. I need all the visuals and measurements that have nothing to do with the scale.

I like that you have picked one goal for tomorrow that has a strong likelihood of success and that is good for you. Meet that goal and celebrate! Figure out the next goal...and the next...Go for success. Do what really matters right now as you adjust to your health changes.

I'll be around quite a bit as I am tracking my food and exercise right now to get myself back in gear. How can I help you?

Hang on there.

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TEMPEST272002 9/6/2011 8:49PM

    You CAN do 1 thing a day Absolutely! 6 cups of water tomorrow.
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COSMIC_ENERGY 9/6/2011 8:36PM

    You're so funny. I'm finally back to the weight I started Sparks at. I hear ya with the excuses. Finally feel on a path I can stick to and little by little it will keep coming off.

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Monday Labour day and

Monday, September 05, 2011

I will not be doing labour!!! We are staying at the trailer till tomorrow am, so watching everyone else pack up and get ready to be gone by 11 - checkout time for day campers.
last night I did my yoga dvd in the trailer, too funny, I was able to do most of it well, but the trailer is not tall enough to get a good stretch up. HA funny to bring your arms up and stretch............. okay bump lol but it was a good one. I borrowed a few from the library and hope to be able to buy the ones I like. Not sure as this is a bit older but good. Yoga for the young at heart and is based for the older crowd but was pretty well most of what I did in one of the classes. There are 3 dvds in it, so will do the 2nd today.
What a great day it is, sunny but a good warm breeze. Nice to sit out. Will start and probably finish the other leg warmer for my client. I was going to do another pr, and may but thought should see if these fit, but what the hay, make them and tear them out.only knit and purl not hard, keeps my hands busy
Went over my points/calories whatever yesterday. I had a glass of very low alcohol fruit wine, and a bar. Certainly didn't need them, but was a nice quiet time at the fire pit. Don't begrudge it, enjoyed and today will do better. Nothing but blueberries left here that is sweet. lol
okay best get my day moving along. I think hubby is waking up and having a shower by the sounds of things. I may go for another walk by myself meaning not with dog! LOL
cya later sparkers!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRAZYDOGLADYBO 9/5/2011 2:31PM

    Sounds like a great day. How is the face today?

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JOYINKY 9/5/2011 10:40AM

    Hi Cindy, Hope you're enjoying the yoga. I love it! Enjoy your day!

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COSMIC_ENERGY 9/5/2011 10:08AM

    Someone should get to rest today--glad it's you! Labor Day is more my start to labor day since school starts tomorrow and I need to have my head straight!

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NEW-CAZ 9/5/2011 9:13AM

    Sounds like you're getting into Yoga and really enjoying it.
Have a great day hun, we're off over to Uxbridge to get Pete's eyes checked and I'll shop for some knicknacks for the lounge whilst he's being attended to.
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Sunny Sparking Sunday

Sunday, September 04, 2011

Sun is out, wind warm, a super day to spark. I am doing this blog, got caught up on spark and turning off the puter, going to go sit outside the trailer, and knit. Too bad I have to stay out of the sun with this med. oh well will get some fresh air.
I slept better, my face not so sore, and my hip only aching a bit, think this med is working, but I still want to know what it is and why it is. I am going to do a band set of exercises then go outside.
Having a great day and hope you all are too!!! HUGS and spark on! LOL

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JULIETEXAS 9/5/2011 10:32PM

    Glad you are feeling better, take care!

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VON_1962 9/4/2011 5:09PM

    Glad to hear that you are feeling better! Great way to enjoy a sunny Sunday. It is raining here which is okay with me! Home from work, worked out, and now chilling!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 9/4/2011 12:43PM

    Sounds like the makings of a wonderful day. I am glad that your face isn't as sore.

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hahaha this is for Caz well everyone but Caz finds this stuff all the time

Saturday, September 03, 2011

A Pickle, a cucumber & a penis were talking about life. The cucumber said when i get big & hard they chop me up & toss me in a salad. The pickle said when i get big & hard they chop me & drown me in vinegar. The penis said that is nothing compared to what i'm going through, when i get big & hard they put a plastic bag over my head & put me in a dark damp cave & bang my head against the walls until i throw up and faint.


OMG did hubby ever laugh when I read this to him. was from a FB person.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZESTYLADY 9/5/2011 9:22AM

    too funny!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 9/3/2011 3:37PM

    Loved this! emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 9/3/2011 1:05PM

    y oh my the portrait you paint of me ROFLMREOWTIME

Brilliant! emoticon emoticon

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Spectacular Saturday

Saturday, September 03, 2011

I am going to have a spectacular Sat. here at the trailer, despite saying I was starting to get off track allready, I have read a few blogs, a lot of replies and I am going to do fine.
I just wish this pain on side of my face would go, for some reason 2 days ago my bones infront of my ear and on chin just below ear started to hurt, well today they are quite swollen and my face just hurts. Oh well will go to dr if needed when we are back in city.
So today started out as a reg. day, we laid in bed and chatted and was only 9C so we both wanted to just stay there. needed a maid to bring us breaky. LOL no such luck so up we got, walked the dog, had breakfast. Hubby is playing with his phone, and I got caught up on emails. Now to go for walk again, have to change into my shorts as the sun has come out.
Going to the market in bit see what new stuff they have. I need a new romaine lettuce and some spinach. the campground is having a corn boil with hotdogs this eve. We will go for the corn and then back to cook our pork. It was thawing in fridge yesterday then we came here too late so it is marinading now.
What a hassle with that neigbhour I have mentioned. I was backing in driveway and she was almost standing in the way, we were allready late getting ready for leaving for trailer, she wanted to use phone. Long story short her Man friend that has moved in with her to take care of her, ( she does need help, overdoses on her perscription pain meds, or drinks is an alcholic eveen though she wont say) has been using her big time. he has no job, no house, no car how convienent to move in and have use of it all free. HMMM he sounded too good to be true, his brother said don't get involved with him. Anyway her old bf. from Quebec came for weekend, she was getting dried out by now and realized this other is using so she came to us cos was scared to go in her own house. then she called him, fell asleep on our chair, woke and went with old one, We drove her 2 blocks over to meet him, then came home and cops in driveway of her house. his old gf had called cops after thinking he is doing to neighbour what he did to me. OMG so we called her and said cops here, adn then we got ready to leave. Cops didn't need us and we left at 7 then had to go to sons to get new case for new phone at his work. so got to the trailer at 9:45!!! we unloaded car, took dog for walk, had cup of tea, played a gaame of scrabble and I went to bed lol
That was my afternoon. I wish she would go to rehab but won't. oh well she will be old before her time and end up dying, cos has a heart problem that she takes pills for and the xtra drugs sure wont help. oh she said to mur when he went to her hyouse with her, the bf said she took too many pills, so mur said did you, yes but only 7 not 10 like normal! OMG and dr has given her her pills only 2 days in row so she is stocking them. argh.
so was really nice to leave and come out here this weekend. NOONE needs us. and hopefully all will be fine with dad and kids and we will be relaxed.
sorry just needed to vent ... I know she has nothing to do with what i normally write but she wore us out!!
HUGS and enjoy the weekend!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWO-TOO-MUCH 9/3/2011 2:11PM

    Your pain sounds like it could be a saliva gland, given the place you describe the pain. If it is, make sure you have it checked out as it can become incredibly painful if it's infected. Just sayin'. :) I hope you have a glorious weekend! At least the weather is cooperating for once! (Where is your trailer? I can't think of anything nicer!)

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