Monday, April 06, 2009
Well results of mums CT scan are back. the cancer has not gotten bigger in lung, nor did it spread to the outside of lung but has gone to the brain. That is sort of what I expected as her confusion is not any better, and yet is down on her pain meds. So now they are saying they can do radiation on it at least to not make it get bigger fast. Not sure what dad is thinking as I wasnt there long. I have extra supper tonight so will take it down to them before I leave for work.
I did go to the pool but didnt work too hard, mind on other things of course. Met dh at the gym upstairs after and I did one round on all the machines but only low wt as first time back since I broke my knee. So busy this morning, and now waiting for a friend to come over for abit, then I have to go to work.
Work will keep my mind busy as well as my hands and mouth. so far so good on the eating. Waiting lunch for my friend but hope she shows up soon.
Guess better go as not much more to say right now.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
The choices you make today will determine the path that your life will take. When you sit back and look at the decisions you've made in your life, are you happy with the route you've paved? If you're not, make a change today. The next time you make a choice, ask yourself if this decision will lead you to the path you want to travel along. Set some new goals that will lead you to your dreams and then plan your course.
What an appropriate introspective for me. I have been doing well when I think it is MY CHOICE so how interesting.
Last night I again struggled. I am starting to have problems sticking to only 3 meals. I also know it is stress right now. This has been a very busy, hard, productive then non productive week. I hate to see dad without service. Have noticed mum is much more confused the past 2 or3 days , have not gotten the results of the CT scan yet. I am so tired...........
So tues I think it was I said I was starving, but did manage to not eat- just drink while watching BL. Last eve i was hungry and did eat a small handful of almonds. Iam glad that is all it was cos there is jelly beans in the cupboard, and still were some cookies. But didnt get into it, got my book, my tea, read about 3 pages and fell asleep in the chair!
So today is an S day, but I am making the choice to have 5 black jelly beans that dh has saved as i love them and he doesnt. We have friends coming over for lunch, I have made soup and will make biscuits - if we have any left over I will take them to dad or dh will have them when he needs something with his pills.
On the good front! Dh has made the choice to go back to the gym! LOL HAHA he had his physical yesterday, and has 2 more meds to add to the mess he takes all ready. one for cholesterol which had happened once before but he got it down with diet ( barely up) and I know he can do it again, but he said didnt before. Yes you did you just didnt stay with it. But he gets very upset as he says cos the dietician told him, he cant eat fresh fruit or veggies cos of his severe IBS. anyway he has limited food he can tolerate so take away his sweets........
So hoping that we both get fit and healthy now. I know I am doing it and hoping that me not eating it will help him to stop.
Gotta go cos have to get to mums and see how the night caregiver went over.
cya later today.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Going for xray of my knee and shoulder. he wants to make sure I didnt crack the front of my knee cap and checking rotator cuff on shoulder. also I pulled or tore the tendons ligaments in back of my leg up and down. Says i have a very bruised or crracked rib but treatment is same for either. so have to get exray, physio, a perscription for nexium. which i dont want but will take for 2 wks. he wanted to give me an antiinflamatory but when i said have been having big issues with heartburn said rather treat that. i hate having stuff treated before ruling out other stuff but said i would do it till my apt with him on Nov 3.
so tomorrow busy day, exray, check if i have any $$ for physio left dont think so and get perscript filled and go to work with my note for no work till halloween........
off to read a good book......
the writing diet write your self the right size. by julia cameron the same that wrote the artists way...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Well some beautiful out if it was Christmas morning, but we really didnt need snow today! LOl
Been thinking of my last blog, and having issues on how to write this as I feel I have said and thought this a hundred times. But am really trying to see it in a diff. light and more in tune with my true feelings.
How do I want my body to feel and look like. Well I want it to feel healthy - able to walk, run, stretch get up and down from the floor easily and move without pain. To have a glow to my skin and look bright, vivacious and "clean" - you know that clean look. ( lol not that I am not clean lol).I dont want to look muscular just have some definition to my biceps, triceps and get rid of the small blob at the back of my bra line. To lose my 2 rolls and firm up my abd. to have space between my thighs when I sit with them close. I want to look toned and sexy, be able to wear a nice dress sometime and when I have a top and pants on, not have rolls that you notice first. So as before healthy, toned and fit - sexy would come with that!
How do I want my life well that is too long for any blog. I am still feeling that there is a purpose missing in my life. I read a lot about that stuff and have some ideas but not sure. One has jumped at me but is very complex and not sure how to even start but one day I will and you guys will be first to know.
Otherwise life in general is better these days than has been in past. Living with an anxious, depressed spouse takes a lot out of you and your life changes. I am learning now to live my life even if he can't or won't. I have put many things on hold but now know that if I don't do some alone I will never do them. I love my hubby dearly and chose to stay and help him with his life. I am not negating him, he has done all that the drs and counc. physcologists and iatrists tell him. He is better but the anxiety is still large.
For my life, I would love to go on a retreat sometime.I have read Joan Andersons books " a walk on the beach" and that book so talked to me, her other 2 were good too. I would like to be able to build a cottage on our land in the woods and just go some days. I am good alone but also a people person. My hobbies are very solitary ones and love to read. At the same time, my work is very people oriented and many say I am a caregiver by nature. so guess that sort of gives me some balance. One thing I have found interesting is a few of my closer friends have said I am very strong and I havent seen it, till I looked at me with their eyes. it is usually said in respect to my husband and all the problems we have had in past few years. But that makes me feel good to think that I am strong a characteristic that i dont see in myself. neat.
I am not sure what to say for my life - so in short, happy, content and in balance is what I strive for. sure the mortgage and bills paid would be great, hey throw in a paid for trailer and a big enough truck to haul it. I will pay to go places if you pay all that. lol
so as many I want to be fit, toned, sexy, happy, content, in balance which in my mind is HEALTHY in mind, body and spirit.
I am a work in progress and hope to keep on getting better at it all.
Raise your water glass to HEALTH!!! thats what mum always said if you haven't got your health you dont have much.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Well this is very reflective......... I have been reading the best year of your life by Debbie ford, Our councillor said she recommended it to someone else and I would find it interesting after telling her i like self help etc. I found at the library in town today life lessons for women 7 essential ingredients for a balanced life. by the chicken soup guys.... sooooo after a busy week at work, getting my cold back, still working out LOSING lbs. and just life I had a nice long soak with me my book and a bunch of candles. so I am reading this chicken soup book and a few of the stories are really talking to me. I read this one that says in essence stop and think about your life, slow down etc. reassess your priorities and think what you want out of life. Also had the quote by E Roosevelt The purpose of life , after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. I then thought of what I have read many times, life isn't a dress rehearsal and live life it is the only one you have...
well I thought of my life and thought yea girl, you have to think about this ( but i have problems knowing what I really want)
anyway not to start digressing. I immediately after started thinking of my neighbours husband who HATES with a lot of passion his job of gee 20 + years. in fact we say he is depressed because of it. well i sobbed for him and though oh .... live your life. stopped and got out of the tub thinking then of my husband who is off work because of depression/anxiety. then i decided to come to speople to see if some of my fav blogs had any new entries. when sitting down, I saw a binder that I had started a afew months ago, i had started it to be an incentive to live healthy but in my mind it was to lose weight. I have on it a vellum saying "its all about me" I suddenly had a light bulb moment thinking I am not all about my weight and my life isn't either... and i am going to add diff things in my binder.
so doing maybe I will find what I am searching for as I feel something is missing but am never sure what.
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