Monday, July 11, 2011
Yea yea I know it doesn't rhyme but my son and dil have found out that they are having a girl, Eva Maria and she was very photogenic. She showed her face, sucked her thumb, moved around. They looked for Thomas a month later and he was so squished in there, you couldn't see much, but so far so good. Anna I think was so shocked. Chris said ha..... I said that when you took the preg. test! LOL
So today we watched that on video as it was being done. Then I went to physio and then we went to dd for hubby to help with some stuff. Ate supper there, all healthy.
Down 2.5 lbs so very pleased. Has to be the better eating cos not moving much. After physio today, my back is so sore, and thigh and foot. I can't go until I get ahold of my insurance to fax me a paper so hubbys insurance can kick in. it will get done.
Anyway my foot is going to sleep, and then my hip is now sore, so going to walk aaround the house for a bit. talk to you all later. hugs all
Monday, July 04, 2011
Well had a mini meltdown yesterday, tears, sad, frustration. Dh took it all in stride and we had a good talk. Don't think it really solved anything but did give us some options and some new thoughts.
Not sure what is up with me, but am feeling almost blue again today. I have only been up an hr, and could easily cry again. Nothing specific that either of us did or said, who knows. But am doing better even as I write. I will have a good day today. No tears and what ifs and I just want to know... lol doesn't tell me what if and what I want to know anyway.
Yesterday was my best day yet with less pain, and much less pins and needles and cramping. Is it the meds? only thing I have done differently. Mid -night last night, I woke screaming in pain +++++ pain it was my R knee ( non operated on ) which did like a week ago in the night. Feels as if someone is twisting my leg and knee stays there. I screamed hubby came and I wasn't able to move my leg then slowly could move leg but not knee. We put ice on it, it swelled and then after 30 mins or so I started falling asleep. Every time I moved even slightly I would wake but guess I slept okay woke at 7:30, late for me. So now, do I call back the specialist to make him aware and see what he says about that knee? argh
I am finding more small pains sthat I presume are arthritis, ie my thumb used to hurt, my shoulder, and my back. thinking that the arthritis meds may be keeping that at bay more, although they hurt periodically.
We go home this morning, was tomorrow am, but it is going to rain and we figured get home and then if dd needs hubby be good as she is off today. Supposed to get her new roof put on today, so wishing the heat and sun would have stayed one more day. maybe it will only drizzle. Can't complain about the weather lately was a super extra long weekend for us.
I saw on a new friends page a comment that made me think again......oh oh thinking that can often cause problems for me, ( ie the crying etc earlier! LOL)
Goes well with the comment : she turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans
So I often think is that is what is wrong? I just choose not to.. mainly cos I am afraid. but then as dr phil. says "hows it working for you! " well this isn't working for me. But yet still worry that I will hurt myself worse. My bil says well you will only be off work longer get more summer off. well thanks sure, but sick adn tired of hurting. I have to try harder, get my head on better, whatever it takes just seems as if I don't know what it takes anymore. So often I feel beaten and not sure if things will change and I know that is cos I get hurt so often just as I start to feel better. So today will help get the stuff ready to take home, get home and do a load of laundry from trailer and go see dd. Then later go see Thomas. July 12 his mum finds out if he will have a brother or sister. Not sure he is going to like either right now LOL HA typical 2 year old by then, well almost lol
Sister in law that has done so well stopped at the trailer last eve with her hubby, and she said she had no clue what she would do with me, cos she feels she isn't trained enough to help me when I have so much pain. That's fine for now as she is never home and super busy. I will get to her when I get a bit better, and that is what is going to happen. I WILL GET BETTER and less pain.
Well there you are back in the loop about my trial with or without my pills and my pain stuff. I will continue for the week and then probably go back on and see what happens. Then I can tell the dr, at end month my observations.
So off to have my healthy breakfast and cup of green tea. Hope you all have a great day and enjoy the holiday my US friends. Everyone make good choices!
Friday, June 24, 2011
I have a friend on another site that wrote this, I asked could I re post it here as it is quite the story. Scary but sure shows us what you can do if you have to. So since obesity is a killer too then does give you something to think about....
I have a friend who has lost a ton of weight and never, ever could before this last year and a half. I thought she just got really motivated or had surgery but in talking to her yesterday, I was amazed at what she said.
She said she was on some medication that caused her to have a rare disorder where she is allergic to so many foods now as a result. Allergic as in she swells and is unable to breathe if she eats even one of them.
Unfortunately, she loved to eat and eat really sweet, salty, junk foods... lots of processed stuff and was a great baker, so she always had decadent stuff at her house and ate it on a daily basis.
Then she got really sick and by the time they found out what was wrong, it was progressed to the point that to take one bite of some of these things would mean she would die before they could get meds in her to counteract the swelling. There was always the possibility they could get her to the ER in time, but probably not.
Her big excuse all along was that she was addicted to food to the point that she was incapable of change, so after years and years of dieting, she just quit and made the decision to live the rest of her life fat and happy and to stop the yo yo cycle. She actually never YO'd very much because she never lost much... she never was very successful through all those years at losing even 10-15 pounds before she went back to bingeing.
So how did she lost 180 pounds? She has to eat very clean... nothing processed, no sugar or sugar substitutes even, only fresh fruits and veggies, no preservatives, only certain meats that are lower fat and have to be baked or roasted or grilled, no soda pop even diet, so she drinks a ton of water. She cannot overload her stomach so she eats smaller meals more often during the day.
She said that when they told her how she had to eat and live she was sure she would be dead very soon because she felt like a victim of this addiction and could not change.
But she said she learned how much deception she was living in when she sat down that first day and had to choose to live or to die based on what she put in her mouth. She said she realized pretty quick she wasn't a victim and absolutely had the ability to say no to all the things she craved. She said she was so angry she wanted to ram her fist through a wall she wanted the food so much.
But she still had the ability to say no. And she did. But it took this drastic situation to get her to see that she could have done this all along and lived totally different quality of life. She said all those years she had lived this very selfish, self-destructive life as a victim... saying that the food was winning the battle and that she just wasn't strong enough to fight it.... as IF the food was making the choices for her. She said the truth was that SHE was completely in control all the time and was making the choice she wanted to make and was never a victim. She wanted to eat, no matter what the consequences were, MORE than she wanted to get healthy and have a better life. Her CHOICE was proof of that. She also said she never thought of how her eating was affecting all those people who loved her because through all the years they had to put up with her attitude when she was bingeing.
She said she never understood why she was so angry and pissed off and frustrated if she was supposedly getting what she wanted when she wanted it... FOOD.
So now she has eaten a day at a time, what will keep her alive and is even grateful NOW for the illness that put her in a position to have to grow up and make an adult decision about what to put in her body, instead of living like a spoiled little kid... doing what she wanted to do even though it was taking her life away from her in a myriad of ways.
Our conversation really affected me because I feel like at times that I can't and don't have what it takes to make a right choice where food is concerned and feel weak... but I am not at any point, even my weakest, UNable to say no. I may choose to say no, but I always have the ability. I mean, if I knew the next bite of something I want would kill me, I don't care HOW much I craved it, I would say no. So I have that same ability right now. Today. And all through the day today.
Anyway, thought I'd share this with you guys. I did not do as good a job I'm sure, telling you about what she shared, as she did telling me yesterday.
We are not victims. The food cannot control or master us. We are able to make good choices. I'm hoping we all do today. Anyway, something to think about...
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
As you all know I have been off work again, due to sciatica and bad pain. I have many worries and thoughts going on in my head, and yea worry is not productive but we all do to some extent and I am much better than I used to be. I worry about how long will this pain stay with me, will I be able to go back to work, do I want to go back to work, or maybe take time to live while hubby and I can.. do I want to travel, or build on our land ( well her blogs make me semi want to be out on the land.. but we wouldnt be in a close knit community like she is), will we have enough $$. Well surprise surprise!! ( not really!) she had dealt with all this and way way more. Much more than I have had to deal with - the only thing lately that I can compare would be my mum passing away.
So yea took me a long time to read all those blogs all so well written and heart felt but glad I did. Cos you know what--- it proved what she and many other sparkers say........ she is just a human who has been through a lot of trials and lots of problems huge ones infact, and she has gone up and down on the scale, she has binged as we all do sometimes, she has learned to love exercise and most of all to love herself and life!! again CONGRATS and I am going to learn from her!!!
Now it is late and I am going to take another pill cos I want to sleep and the pain in bad since I have been to physio... she didn't move me much just put the tens machine on but what hip pain! anyway no complaints just letting you know. lol
HUGS to all and again I am so lucky to have so many spark friends that motivate and support me!!
Night all!!! sleep well, wake healthy and ready to start another great day! Started EI june 17th 2011
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