Friday, December 14, 2007
Seeing the wonder in the smallest details. One of todays email messages.
In this message it said stop and look around and see what you now take for granted.
I have realized over the past year or so that I am not as negative as I previously was or maybe imagined. I often find myself thinking neat things mainly about nature or life in general.
This morning as I read that line I am sitting in a warm room that is all my own- craft computer room. I look out the window and snow is falling very softly, big flakes. I look and think how soft like cotton balls and that no one is the same.I looked around the room at my african violets and love their tiny flowers. Awhile ago i was going to give them away or throw them in the compost cos they were in the way, I had to move them for the xmas tree and now they are getting flowers.
I look at the cards I have made for friends and family and think how happy I am when creating them and that for the majority most I give these too appreciate them. I made over 30 for my mil for xmas and it gives me great happiness to do so knowing she will so appreciate them and be so excited. My mil and I havent the bst relationship, she wasnt very nice to me and many say why even talk to her and yet i have over the past 5 years said why, she had a bad time in her life, was jealous of our relationship and said many hurtful things, though she wont apologize, I know now that it wasnt all that was said. I know that I am not the worst thing that has happened to her family or her son, that his depression has been much worse and since I have stayed, helped and loved her son through this I feel she has had her eyes opened. So with an open heart and knowing how much that gift will mean to her, I filled up a special box and put in hand made all occasion cards. I am excited to see her face on Boxing day!
I also have wonder in how much healthier my son is, having had surgery for crohns disease earlier in the year. he is finally gaining weight, I could have given him my extra! lol
Also and perhaps the largest gift and wonder I have lately is that my mother and I are forming a new relationship, which is a long time in coming and I am thankful that it has. My mother is dying of cancer, she has COPD, lung cancer and it may have spread to her bones, the dr isnt sure yet. mum and I are not very close and not able to speak our feelings often times not even showing them. I am learning and grateful for the time to do so. My biggest wish is that my dd and I learn from this sooner than later and she opens up and shows her love and care that I know is there for me.
So from the largest thing, an ill child, to an angry inlaw, to a mother daughter relationship finally after 50 years finding its way, to finding things I am good at and liking myself, to a snowflake I have grown and am able to find wonder and awe in simple small details.
In this I have grown and am thankful.