Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Going for xray of my knee and shoulder. he wants to make sure I didnt crack the front of my knee cap and checking rotator cuff on shoulder. also I pulled or tore the tendons ligaments in back of my leg up and down. Says i have a very bruised or crracked rib but treatment is same for either. so have to get exray, physio, a perscription for nexium. which i dont want but will take for 2 wks. he wanted to give me an antiinflamatory but when i said have been having big issues with heartburn said rather treat that. i hate having stuff treated before ruling out other stuff but said i would do it till my apt with him on Nov 3.
so tomorrow busy day, exray, check if i have any $$ for physio left dont think so and get perscript filled and go to work with my note for no work till halloween........
off to read a good book......
the writing diet write your self the right size. by julia cameron the same that wrote the artists way...
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Well some beautiful out if it was Christmas morning, but we really didnt need snow today! LOl
Been thinking of my last blog, and having issues on how to write this as I feel I have said and thought this a hundred times. But am really trying to see it in a diff. light and more in tune with my true feelings.
How do I want my body to feel and look like. Well I want it to feel healthy - able to walk, run, stretch get up and down from the floor easily and move without pain. To have a glow to my skin and look bright, vivacious and "clean" - you know that clean look. ( lol not that I am not clean lol).I dont want to look muscular just have some definition to my biceps, triceps and get rid of the small blob at the back of my bra line. To lose my 2 rolls and firm up my abd. to have space between my thighs when I sit with them close. I want to look toned and sexy, be able to wear a nice dress sometime and when I have a top and pants on, not have rolls that you notice first. So as before healthy, toned and fit - sexy would come with that!
How do I want my life well that is too long for any blog. I am still feeling that there is a purpose missing in my life. I read a lot about that stuff and have some ideas but not sure. One has jumped at me but is very complex and not sure how to even start but one day I will and you guys will be first to know.
Otherwise life in general is better these days than has been in past. Living with an anxious, depressed spouse takes a lot out of you and your life changes. I am learning now to live my life even if he can't or won't. I have put many things on hold but now know that if I don't do some alone I will never do them. I love my hubby dearly and chose to stay and help him with his life. I am not negating him, he has done all that the drs and counc. physcologists and iatrists tell him. He is better but the anxiety is still large.
For my life, I would love to go on a retreat sometime.I have read Joan Andersons books " a walk on the beach" and that book so talked to me, her other 2 were good too. I would like to be able to build a cottage on our land in the woods and just go some days. I am good alone but also a people person. My hobbies are very solitary ones and love to read. At the same time, my work is very people oriented and many say I am a caregiver by nature. so guess that sort of gives me some balance. One thing I have found interesting is a few of my closer friends have said I am very strong and I havent seen it, till I looked at me with their eyes. it is usually said in respect to my husband and all the problems we have had in past few years. But that makes me feel good to think that I am strong a characteristic that i dont see in myself. neat.
I am not sure what to say for my life - so in short, happy, content and in balance is what I strive for. sure the mortgage and bills paid would be great, hey throw in a paid for trailer and a big enough truck to haul it. I will pay to go places if you pay all that. lol
so as many I want to be fit, toned, sexy, happy, content, in balance which in my mind is HEALTHY in mind, body and spirit.
I am a work in progress and hope to keep on getting better at it all.
Raise your water glass to HEALTH!!! thats what mum always said if you haven't got your health you dont have much.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Well this is very reflective......... I have been reading the best year of your life by Debbie ford, Our councillor said she recommended it to someone else and I would find it interesting after telling her i like self help etc. I found at the library in town today life lessons for women 7 essential ingredients for a balanced life. by the chicken soup guys.... sooooo after a busy week at work, getting my cold back, still working out LOSING lbs. and just life I had a nice long soak with me my book and a bunch of candles. so I am reading this chicken soup book and a few of the stories are really talking to me. I read this one that says in essence stop and think about your life, slow down etc. reassess your priorities and think what you want out of life. Also had the quote by E Roosevelt The purpose of life , after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience. I then thought of what I have read many times, life isn't a dress rehearsal and live life it is the only one you have...
well I thought of my life and thought yea girl, you have to think about this ( but i have problems knowing what I really want)
anyway not to start digressing. I immediately after started thinking of my neighbours husband who HATES with a lot of passion his job of gee 20 + years. in fact we say he is depressed because of it. well i sobbed for him and though oh .... live your life. stopped and got out of the tub thinking then of my husband who is off work because of depression/anxiety. then i decided to come to speople to see if some of my fav blogs had any new entries. when sitting down, I saw a binder that I had started a afew months ago, i had started it to be an incentive to live healthy but in my mind it was to lose weight. I have on it a vellum saying "its all about me" I suddenly had a light bulb moment thinking I am not all about my weight and my life isn't either... and i am going to add diff things in my binder.
so doing maybe I will find what I am searching for as I feel something is missing but am never sure what.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Seeing the wonder in the smallest details. One of todays email messages.
In this message it said stop and look around and see what you now take for granted.
I have realized over the past year or so that I am not as negative as I previously was or maybe imagined. I often find myself thinking neat things mainly about nature or life in general.
This morning as I read that line I am sitting in a warm room that is all my own- craft computer room. I look out the window and snow is falling very softly, big flakes. I look and think how soft like cotton balls and that no one is the same.I looked around the room at my african violets and love their tiny flowers. Awhile ago i was going to give them away or throw them in the compost cos they were in the way, I had to move them for the xmas tree and now they are getting flowers.
I look at the cards I have made for friends and family and think how happy I am when creating them and that for the majority most I give these too appreciate them. I made over 30 for my mil for xmas and it gives me great happiness to do so knowing she will so appreciate them and be so excited. My mil and I havent the bst relationship, she wasnt very nice to me and many say why even talk to her and yet i have over the past 5 years said why, she had a bad time in her life, was jealous of our relationship and said many hurtful things, though she wont apologize, I know now that it wasnt all that was said. I know that I am not the worst thing that has happened to her family or her son, that his depression has been much worse and since I have stayed, helped and loved her son through this I feel she has had her eyes opened. So with an open heart and knowing how much that gift will mean to her, I filled up a special box and put in hand made all occasion cards. I am excited to see her face on Boxing day!
I also have wonder in how much healthier my son is, having had surgery for crohns disease earlier in the year. he is finally gaining weight, I could have given him my extra! lol
Also and perhaps the largest gift and wonder I have lately is that my mother and I are forming a new relationship, which is a long time in coming and I am thankful that it has. My mother is dying of cancer, she has COPD, lung cancer and it may have spread to her bones, the dr isnt sure yet. mum and I are not very close and not able to speak our feelings often times not even showing them. I am learning and grateful for the time to do so. My biggest wish is that my dd and I learn from this sooner than later and she opens up and shows her love and care that I know is there for me.
So from the largest thing, an ill child, to an angry inlaw, to a mother daughter relationship finally after 50 years finding its way, to finding things I am good at and liking myself, to a snowflake I have grown and am able to find wonder and awe in simple small details.
In this I have grown and am thankful.
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