HDMARTIN88   24,819
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Where to Start...

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

It's been almost a year since I was active on SparkPeople. I'd like say that it's been a successful year and all of that stuff, but it wasn't. It's been one of the hardest years of my life. I had changed my outward appearance, and thought I was set. It turns out that when life started taking cheap shots at me, I couldn't maintain everything I had accomplished.

As embarrassing as this story is for me (I'm very prideful) I've also become very thankful that the support was available to me. I learned in the last year that it's very hard to eat healthy and maintain a healthy weight when 90% of your food comes from local food pantries. You eat what was available, regardless of health factors. It's embarrassing needing to go to a food pantry. I work a full-time good job, and still needed to go stand in line with others no different then myself.

The first time I went to the food pantry just minutes from my house, I sat in my car watching for 30 minutes, trying to gather up the nerve to go in. Finally, I went in. WORSE. FEELING. EVER. And like the situation wasn't bad enough, there was this guy helping run the pantry with his parents. He was very helpful, helped me carry stuff to the car and then asked me out. Seriously. I swore I'd never go to that place again. But I had no choice, I did because my kids had to eat.

I found myself in this horrible, never ending cycle. Food pantries, weight gain, depression, hatred for myself. Every time I looked in the mirror, every time I had to wear a bigger size of pants, every breathing moment I hated what I had become. I hated finding out that I worked a full-time, good job and still qualified for government assistance. I couldn't bring myself to sign up though, not even for my kids. I live in a small area. Was I supposed to make an appointment with the mom of one of my daughter's friends? Or how about my landlords best friend? Or the woman that I sat across the table from at meetings every month for work, while she complained about people on assistance.

I started couponing, out of necessity and it helped. I no longer had to worry about how I was going to buy shampoo, laundry soap, toilet paper or anything else. I cancelled my cable, something my kids were in agreement with. I started living a tight budget. I decreased my bills. And finally in February, I've reached a point that I can breathe. With coupons, I can start eating healthier (man how I've missed salads!!!). I still live a no frill lifestyles, but I have managed to get myself out of a hole that I can manage. Sometimes it's hard to remember, like the week my dryer died, my cell phone died and a deer ran into the side of my car. But I got through it and I know I can survive.

I'm working on forgiving myself, on accepting my faults, and accepting that I'm an emotional eater. I make myself get out of bed most mornings at 4:45 am to work out. Today, for the first time I woke up without my alarm and I didn't have to force myself to work out. I enjoyed it, I enjoy having the cheerful, happy person back. And this time, I accept that I'm human and though I'm on track right now there's going to be plenty of times I'm not. And I will love myself regardless of my size, and in spite of my faults!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EGRAMMY 5/6/2012 6:33AM

    emoticon You did it. So proud of you.

A relative is moving furniture here today due to a foreclosure. Your blog will help me be more sensitive.

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HOPE2011 5/2/2012 8:52PM

    We're glad you're back. I'm sorry that it's been such a rough year and I hope things continue to improve for you as time goes by.

Hang in there, my friend!! emoticon

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TCHNCRFT 5/2/2012 8:27PM

    You have had such a tough time this past year. I'm really sorry to hear that. But you sound like a strong person and a good mother.

It's wonderful that you can be as forgiving toward yourself as you are. That's tough to do even when our lives are running well. That's a great gift you're giving yourself. I admire your attitude and wish the best for you and your children.


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New Workout Plan

Saturday, April 02, 2011

My April workout plan is going to be less structured and more about what I feel like doing. But, I need to get an idea of what I'm looking at doing and then I can switch it up as needed.

Monday - AM Workout - 30 Minutes
*7 Minute Seated Arm Workout with Band
*7 Minute Upper Body Workout with Band
*6 Minute Upper Body Workout with Ball
*20 Real Push-ups

Monday - PM Workout - 20 Minutes
*10 Minute Jump Rope Cardio Workout - 2 times

Tuesday - AM Workout - 30 Minutes
*5 Minute Booty Workout with Ball
*5 Minute Lower Body Workout with Band
*6 Minute Butt Blasting Workout
*6 Minute Hips, Glutes & Thighs Workout
*8 Minute Lower Body Workout with Band

Tuesday - PM Workout - 45 minutes

Wednesday - AM Workout - 27 Minutes
*10 Minute Crunchless Core Workout
*12 Minute Pilates Abs Workout
*5 Minute Core Workout with Ball

Wednesday - PM Workout - 45 minutes

Thursday - AM Workout 30 Minutes
*7 Minute Seated Arm Workout with Band
*7 Minute Upper Body Workout with Band
*6 Minute Upper Body Workout with Ball
*20 Real Push-ups

Thursday - PM Workout - 20 Minutes (If time)
*10 Minute Jump Rope Cardio Workout - 2 times

Friday - AM Workout - 30 Minutes
*5 Minute Booty Workout with Ball
*5 Minute Lower Body Workout with Band
*6 Minute Butt Blasting Workout
*6 Minute Hips, Glutes & Thighs Workout
*8 Minute Lower Body Workout with Band

Friday - PM Workout - 20 minutes (if time)
*10 Minute Jump Rope Cardio Workout - 2 times

Saturday - AM Workout - 45 minutes

Saturday- PM Workout - 27 Minutes
*10 Minute Crunchless Core Workout
*12 Minute Pilates Abs Workout
*5 Minute Core Workout with Ball

Sunday - Off

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EGRAMMY 4/3/2011 8:38PM

    emoticon Plan

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TERESAMARIE1959 4/2/2011 8:54PM

    Great Plan! emoticon

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DARKANGEL062 4/2/2011 7:51PM


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It Can't Always be Perfect

Monday, March 21, 2011

Over the past few months I've been struggling with my weight loss. Well, not struggling, but really being stuck at the same weight. I have been playing with three pounds that just when I'm celebrating the loss of them, they find they're way back to my scale within a week. It's been frustrating, but I've tried to work through it. I still bust my butt working out, I still eat healthy. I try to work out more, I try to eat healthier but it doesn't make a difference.

Those three pounds are important because I've never weighed less then I do now. Ten years ago when I saw a Nutrionalist, I was able to get down to 145 and couldn't lose anymore weight, no matter what we tried. She told me that it was obvious that my body was happy at that weight and I needed to accept it. When I joined SP, I set my goal weight for 140. Yes, this is really still considered overweight according to the BMI, but that number had importance to me because I've never reached it. My goal was for January 11 to reach this goal, just before my 36 birthday.

Here it is mid-March and I still have not reached that goal and am ready to give up on it. So, what, I fluctuate in the 140's. I wear a smaller size then I have ever worn, so why am I unhappy with it. I've always recognized that I'll never be skinny, I am not built that way. But, this morning when my alarm went off at 5 am so I could get my workout in, it hit me. I'm busting my ass working out, I'm eating healthy and this is the best my body has to offer? I don't want to be skinny, really I don't, I like having curves BUT is it too much to ask for less fat on my belly, my inner thighs and my triceps.

And as I've spent the entire day beating myself up because I rolled over and decided to sleep that extra 45 minutes because I just couldn't face another workout and struggling to continue eating healthy, I realized that I treat myself like crap. I would never put up with one of my friends thinking or talking about herself the way I do myself. So what, I'm never going to grace the cover of a magazine, BIG DEAL! I will never be skinny, but I am healthy. I no longer wear a size 18/20 but instead a size 6/8. I only outweigh my 13 year old daughter by 20 pounds & she's not fat! So what do I have to complain about? Why have I wasted a day feeling sorry for myself, hating myself, hating my body? How has this helped me to further my goals? Well, it hasn't, but I feel much better after getting all my frustrations and feelings out here!

I will no longer treat myself bad because I'm not perfect. I'm not and I have no interest in being perfect. I think that comes with a lot of unreachable expectations. I will learn to treat myself as I would treat any other person I have ever met, and in a lot of cases, people I haven't met. I will treat myself as I treat others!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REALBIGLU 4/2/2011 11:59AM

  Dont give up. You will lose those pounds. Keep the weight goals and set some other goals, some exercise goals. emoticon

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HOPE2011 3/23/2011 6:24PM

    You're right - we do tend to get obsessed with the numbers. I have my final goal as 140 too, but my doctor completely disagrees with me. (He says I should shoot for 160.) Since I've never been small, I figure that I will know when I get there.

I think you are doing great! It sounds like you are in the phase MARCHEM is in - the defining phase! Getting cut and all that good stuff with your Jillian workouts!

I think you are an inspiration - don't you forget it!

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LJAMISON6135 3/23/2011 5:32PM

    You are healthy! That is what's most important. Skinny is a bad word. None of us should ever strive for Skinny, like you said, you like your curves! You look great! I like the last post which said to not obsess as that causes stress. I too need to tell myself that. I like the uplifting advice I get reading everyone's posts. Hang in there, but lightly.

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HOTRODSANDY 3/21/2011 11:44PM

    The body is amazingly complex. I've known several women who tried everything including years of fertility treatments to get pregnant - it wasn't until they finally gave up trying - they got pregnant.

Maybe your body is the same with weight - maybe when you resign yourself to eating right and exercising regularly and forget about the scale that the pounds will disappear? Stranger things have happened.

Oh and remember - muscle is denser than fat. So you can lose inches but weigh more - hence the smaller size!

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TERESAMARIE1959 3/21/2011 10:20PM

    It is frustrating when you focus on the Scale! Your blog shares that you are a size smaller then before! I think your weight is most likely because of healthy muscle gain, you look beautiful and you feel healthy! I remember when I was in the gym once and the owner and myself were talking and I can't remember what I said but it must of be negative to myself. He said to me that I was healthy. He has seen some of the slimmest girls come and they could not walk up a flight of stairs. That helped me to focus more on physical health not looks!

When you do make the weight you want and I am sure you can, remember to be healthy first!


Remember BMI is just a rough guide and it can't tell the differnce between fat weight and muscle weight and how your bone structure is.

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SALINAMATHER 3/21/2011 6:18PM

    For whatever reason, feeling negatively about yourself keeps the weight just hanging on no matter how hard you work at it.
I was at the same point. Agonizing everyday about why I was working so hard and nothing was happening.
One day I just decided enough was enough and I put my scale away and quit tracking my food.
I started running instead of strength training, ate what I felt like eating without stressing about it, and now the weight is coming off again.
I only do a weigh-in/measurements every couple of weeks, and I keep my meals light and healthy but don't deprive myself if I want something sweet or fattening.
I have so much more control now over my food than I ever did. It seems strange but its like lessening the stress on myself just made the whole process so much easier. Now this really does feel like a lifestyle change and I find myself looking forward to getting up early and working out because I don't give myself a set schedule. I just workout when I feel like it now and find that I'm fitting in more exercise than ever before.
Something different works for everyone, so its a matter of finding your balance in life.

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Extreme Slim Down

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I'm finishing up my 30 Day Shred and have been looking for my next workout plan. On March 3, I'll be starting the Extreme Slim Down. If anyone's interested in doing it with me, I'd welcome the company!!!

Here's the schedule:

Day 1 - 30 Day Shred Level 3 & 1 (in this order)
Day 2 - 30 Day Shred Level 2
Day 3 - No More Trouble Zones
Day 4 - 30 Day Shred Level 1 & 3 (in this order)
Day 5 - Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism
Day 6 - Day Off!
Day 7 - Yoga Meltdown Workout 1 (if you are good at Power Yoga then do Workout 2)
Day 8 - 30 Day Shred Level 2
Day 9 - 30 Day Shred Level 2 & 1 (in this order)
Day 10 - No More Trouble Zones
Day 11 - 30 Day Shred Level 3 & 2 (in this order)
Day 12 - Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism
Day 13 - Day Off!
Day 14 - Yoga Meltdown Workout 1 (if you are good at Power Yoga then do Workout 2)
Day 15 - 30 Day Shred Level 1, 2, 3 (in that order)
Day 16 - Banish Fat Boost Metabolism
Day 17 - No More Trouble Zones
Day 18 - 30 Day Shred Level 1
Day 19 - 30 Day Shred Level 1, 2 & 3
Day 20 - Day Off!
Day 21 - Yoga Meltdown Workout 1 (if you are good at Power Yoga then do Workout 2)
Day 22 - 30 Day Shred Level 2 & 1 (in this order)
Day 23 - No More Trouble Zones
Day 24 - Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism
Day 25 - 30 Day Shred Level 2 & Yoga Meltdown Workout 1
Day 26 - Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism
Day 27 - Day Off!
Day 28 - Yoga Meltdown Workout 1 (if you are good at Power Yoga then do Workout 2)
Day 29 - 30 Day Shred Level 2 & 1 (in this order)
Day 30 - No More Trouble Zones

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAXFOCUS 2/24/2011 12:50PM

    I'm not familiar with the Extreme Slim Down. Looks like you have some great workouts planned!!

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DGPIAFFE16 2/23/2011 7:20PM

    Good luck! I thought about doing the regular slim down and still might. I'll be interested to hear how you like the extreme slim down!

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HOPE2011 2/23/2011 5:51PM

    Is the schedule above what the Extreme Slim Down is? I guess I've never heard of that. And these are all Jillian workouts, right? I am SO not read for it yet, but I'd like to try it some day. Good luck!

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HOTRODSANDY 2/23/2011 11:48AM

    Are they all videos you've purchased. Or are they SparkPeople videos? I've seen lots of comments about the 30 day shred and it sounds interesting... emoticon

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You're so vain....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you.....

Oh, wait, it is about me! I realized this week, I really like looking in the mirror. I've never really looked at myself until I started losing weight. And in May 2010, I decided I was going to look at myself in a full length mirror every day. Because I hated myself so much, I thought this would be the best way to learn to accept my body, flaws and all.

And I think it has actually helped! I look in the mirror and I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I don't always see the differences, but I remind myself of how far I've come. I can wear a size 6 pair of pants, a size that I would never have dared to imagine. A 10 was my goal size. Now, I'm thinking/wondering/hoping, is it possible I can wear a bathing suit... a **gasp** bikini for this summer. I haven't wore a bathing suit for 17 years, it boggles my mind that I can be thinking this, but I am.

But, have I gone too far? Am I now vain? Because everytime I walk past a mirror I take a quick glance. And it's not really to say, "Dayum I look Good...." Because honestly, I wouldn't say that emoticon. It's more like, I take a quick peak to confirm that yes, I really have lost all that weight. I still get surprised when I see myself in the mirror. When I get a certain view or angle, and I think, "Wow, I am starting to look thin".

So, am I vain? Some would probably say Yes, Definitely. And to them I say, "Hey, this is my blog, of course it's all about me" emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DANE02 3/2/2011 9:41AM

    You should be proud! Your transformation has been incredible...keep up the great work! Wish you all the best and continued success

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LOUANN22 2/17/2011 2:55AM

    So not vain! Its fantastic! If it makes you happy and motivates you do it. I find myself staring in the mirror sometimes to see if I can point out some changes and sometimes I can. Minor but a difference. Great job on your weight loss! emoticon

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HOPE2011 2/16/2011 8:07PM

    emoticon Keep up the good work, and keep liking what you see in the mirror!

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MAXFOCUS 2/16/2011 8:36AM

    I would say you are not vain - you are proud of your accomplishments. And you should be. Your blog got me thinking that maybe I should look in the mirror more often. Maybe I'll be more motivated to really kick it up a notch before I go on my first cruise in March.

Keep on looking in that mirror. You have made some wonderful changes in your life. Be proud.

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