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Be Your Own Version of Hawt

Friday, June 14, 2013

Recently, I responded to a new SparkFriend's post lamenting about the state of her current body and in anticipation of it not being perfectly what she hopes it will be after weight loss. I have struggled with my past and current bodies for this same reason and find myself quite often being angry and resentful that even after an 80 pound loss, I don't look anywhere near what I feel I should. Yet, when seeing it from someone else's eyes, I found the perspective to see just what is really important in all of this and just for sh**s and giggles, I decided to put it here in a blog since she told me she found it inspirational and who knows who else might need to hear it (myself included) today. What follows is my response to a question basically asking why bother to lose the weight when the cellulite/extra skin will still be there.

All one has to do is looik at my user name to figure out that a large part of my motivation to lose the weight had to do with my appearance. Yes, I did want to lose the weight and be the hottie I had dreamed of being for years. However, thankfully, this was not the only factor that played into my descision to make huge life changes. I had taken a good look at myself and my life and although I did like myself and my life, I knew that it could be infinitely better with better health, nutrition and fitness.

Here comes the brutal honesty part. For me, anyway, reaching my ever changing weight loss goals has been pretty anti-climactic. Each time I hit a target weight that I thought was the magic number, I would continue to be disappointed that I don't look like the image I had in my mind when starting all of this. I am at 146 pounds at 5'7" and am pleased with my strength and fitness levels even as I continue to try and improve upon them, but even as I see muscles emerging and lean limbs and even through my torso in the back, I continue to struggle with a stomach full of cellulite, stretch marks, loose skin and yes, fat. It just hangs there. So unnattactive and maybe even more so when compared to the rest of my lean body. I feel some days like it is just there to taunt me and remind me of the mistakes of the past. We are all built differently and we all lose the last of our fat from somewhere that none of us like and yes, when we lose 80 or more pounds, sometimes the skin doesn't catch up.

But TBH, I try really hard not to focus too much on that part. I keep eating as well as I can, tracking my food, staying within my calorie range and changing up my strength and cardio routines in an effort to rid myself of this last evidence of the abuse I put my body through for years. The reason that I started and the reason that I will NOT GIVE UP is that I am 45 next week and have perfect blood pressure, blood sugars, cholesterol and many other health benchmarks. I feel energetic, happy, healthy and vibrant. My sex life is phenominal compared to before and I find that just the whole world feels ilke a different place. I can keep up with DH on the bike, I can run with my kids and I feel like, if I wanted to, there is nothing that I couldn't do with practice and effort. The confidence that comes with just feeling good and conquering the addictuion that I had with processed foods and feeling in control of what I eat and my life in general cannot compare with the occasional smile that a nice bikini would put on my face. I look good. I feel good. Ok, so I may never be able to feel like a Victoria's Secret model, but I know that all of the improvements I have made have enhanced my life and the lives of those around me more than being anyone's idea of beauty.

Be your own idea of beauty. Put those images of what you think you should look like out of your head. (I"m talking to myself just as much here). Imagine just having more energy, feeling better and looking YOUR best, whatever that may be and just know that any improvements that you make at this point, you will not regret.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SGTCUPCAKE 10/12/2014 9:07PM


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JULFITZ 8/19/2013 11:30AM

    I can see why you are motivator of the day! Congrats. Thanks for sharing this post, it is exactly what I needed to hear today as I press forward on this journey to a better me.

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LJCANNON 6/17/2013 4:27PM

    emoticon Very Wise Words!! We ALL need to hear them Often!!

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MEMARE 6/16/2013 11:35AM

    Great blog. emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 6/14/2013 3:26PM

    Thank you, I needed to hear this today.

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POETLKNG2LOSE 6/14/2013 3:26PM

    Wow! You hit the nail on the head here with me. I keep complaining about my stomach and my chicken wings arm but I can run a little now and i never did that before. I dropped over 100 pounds and and I am a lot healthier than I was before. Thanks for the kick in the pants I needed it.

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TXTOAD9970 6/14/2013 3:21PM

    Great blog - thanks for sharing! emoticon

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RENIESSPARKIN 6/14/2013 3:17PM

    Wow! I'm in love with your attitude, girlfriend. Things could be a lot worse, so go forth and enjoy. I'm just thrilled that I can get a brisk walk in daily. Oh I don't do the 10 gazillion steps and flights of stairs that many do. But for 72 with out- of-control diabetes a lot of the time, I figure I'm still doing pretty good. My attitude is also good. Do what I can and God be praised. emoticon


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Keep Your Eyes On The Prize (especially AFTER you've won it)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Back in 2009 I had completely had it with living my life in the body that I had become far too accustomed to. I had finished having babies in 1997, but not only had I not lost my "baby" fat, but my weight just kept creeping up with every passing year until I had reached an all time high of 226lbs and had found it perfectly acceptable. Then, one day near Christmas 2009, I decided that I had been fooling myself that I was happy the way I was.

I resolved to make a change in 2010 and that is exactly what I did. By the end of 2010 I had lost over 70 pounds and finally reached the high weight of my healthy BMI range. I hit my goal! I was elated, I was thrilled, I was empowered and felt like I could do anything! Then, it hit me. I wasn't done. Not by a long shot. I remember in 2011 and early 2012, I had been struggling to keep the weight off and was not doing as well as I'd hoped in maintenance. I also realized that my goal weight was about 10 pounds too generous and I really wanted to keep losing, but it just would't come, no matter what I did and I even re-gained about 17 of what I had lost because I had become so discouraged.

I'm happy to say that I'm here in 2013 at my original goal weight and maintaining well after some much needed tweeks to my relationship with food and constant adjustments to my fitness routines as well. Maintenance is hard. There is no doubt. And, TBH, the motivation seems to come and go and is so different from when you have the goals and timelines during the weight loss process. Although, I'm still working to find a more comfortable weight, I am essentailly overall very happy with the progress that I've made.

There are times when I wonder why I have to keep working so hard on it all, but then I get a nice compliment or can rock a dress or outfit that I couldn't have even considered before the healthy changes to my mind and body. Recently a co-worker of DH's recently commented to him that "Vicki is so hot, what is she doing with you?" LOL I wore a snug RED dress to my office Christmas party and felt like a million bucks, but I'm healthy now and I want to keep it that way. It is more than just trying to maintain a certain dress size or "look", but feeling fit, and strong and generally healthy and energetic is what keeps me going everyday.

What keeps you going?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOPPY_ 8/19/2013 12:25PM

    The greatest reward for changing one's behavior in an intended way, is ALWAYS the better YOU, because of it. Congratulations on (a) the successful quest for finding the magic beans of a better YOU, and then (b) REALLY successful quest of finding the REALLY magical beans of maintaining and growing your success. emoticon

Lee emoticon

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CHAAGY59 4/29/2013 8:10PM

    This is inspiring! I'm trying to also get to my healthy BMI range, and when I look at where you started and where you got to, it's amazing!! I started at 230, and only need to get to170 to be "normal" - already half way there. If you can get to normal, then I think maybe I can to. Good luck with your next push! emoticon

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CHRISTINECAN 2/16/2013 9:37AM

    Maintenance is always the hardest for me. I think it's because the competitive streak in me views losing as a game that I can win whereas maintenance doesn't have that kind of challenge. Of course, it's actually a much harder challenge just not so easy to quantify and therefore win on a week to week base.

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MIRFA71 1/25/2013 2:00PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SCOOTER4263 1/24/2013 6:34PM

    That's just great. Congratulations, not only on hitting your goal, but in sorting out the things you need to do to stay there!

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JENMAH 1/24/2013 1:59PM

    Staying in the game and realizing that living a healthy lifestyle may always be hard work is so difficult. We think hitting "goal" means easily staying there, and then find that it just isn't. Good for you for finding ways to stay motivated, like a great RED dress!

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Binge Averted: Another Learning Experience

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Just wanted to quickly journal/blog this morning as I am able to reflect on the night before. Yesterday afternoon/evening, I found myself on the precipice of the cliff, leaning over and I managed to pull myself back in in time to limit the damage.

Roughly translated: I came closer to a binge than I've been since May and I think I managed to avert it. Although, I did shed a couple of tears over having come so close, I got through the fear and guilt and managed to feel pretty darn triumphant in the end.

DH asked what I did differently that made me so vulnerable and what I can do differently next time (yes, he is awesome and supportive). He made me take the emotions away from the situation and helped me to be more analytical and proactive going forward rather than letting the guilt fuel the fire and create more risk. I think that in the past, this is something I've been missing. (that, and the person who can actually take the cookie jar away from me and hide it at the most pivotal time). He, thankfullly, was there to do both when I asked for the help and totally understood and respected what I needed him to do.

Once I did examine what happened, in contrast to how I have been successfully avoiding a binge over the last 2 months or more, I was able to pin-point exactly how I had set myself up and it was a combination of emotional factors as well as how and what I had eaten throughout the day.

So, although I did manage to limit the damage (half of a small bag of Smart Food popcorn and 2 chocolate chip cookies), I know that had DH not been there when I needed more strength, I probably would have finished off the cookies and fell into a full-on binge, so I know that I will not allow myself to go without adequate nutrition for breakfast, lunch and snacks again, especially when I have any other stressors weighing on me. I didn't have adequate portions of protein and complex carbs and just simply ate too few calories before my most vulnerable time of day - after work.

Packing lots of healthy foods today. I KNEW this was so crutial, but now I can see that I just can't EVER go into a day unprepared. Anything can happen and I'll be ready from now on!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDBBAR 8/9/2012 10:01AM

    emoticon!! This is a learning experience indeed!

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SHERYLDS 8/9/2012 9:44AM

    isn't it amazing how much you learn when you've been on this journey
that you didn't know before.
Kudos to you for acknowledging the problem,
and getting back in control.
And congrats on having such a great soulmate. emoticon

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ELIZRN 8/9/2012 9:18AM

  Tremendous awareness....!! You certainly learned a great deal from this experience. I am impressed with your ability to see the "entire transaction" as if looking down on the scenes as they played out.

Congratulations on a job very well done! Next...interview those emotions & see what else they might like to share with you.


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TELFERS01 8/9/2012 8:00AM

  You go!

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ELRIDDICK 8/9/2012 8:00AM

  Thanks for sharing

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Random List of Latest Little NSV's

Thursday, August 02, 2012

1) managing stressful workload at work without pigging out when I get home (finally broken the habit of snacking like crazy before supper)
2) it's been 74 days since my last binge
3) graciously accepted ONE delicious, home-made chocolate chip cookie from my co-worker and stopped at that
4) split my specially ordered, chef-made lunch into half-portions so that I can enjoy it again tomorrow
5) effectively using walks and Curves circuit workouts to help manage stress as opposed to food and wine
6) starting to really see evidence of a defined waist
7) hovering within a hair's width of my healthy BMI
8) 30% body fat and counting

That is all. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IACTA_ALEA_EST 8/7/2012 12:51PM

    Lots of things to celebrate!!! Congrats on them all! Take a bow, you deserve it! emoticon

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KAYOTIC 8/7/2012 10:19AM

    Celebrate those NSV's! Great job!

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JUNIAATROME 8/3/2012 1:27PM

    That is ALL!?! That is great! Sounds like you are really doing it! Must take an example in you! (Love the background frost pic at these almost 100 temperatures). Best wishes on keeping this up! emoticon

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SHERYLDS 8/3/2012 9:51AM

    emoticonON YOUR PROGRESS emoticon emoticon emoticon
Watch out world .... she's going to hit that goal with a bang.

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TTLEELEE 8/3/2012 9:26AM

    I LIKE YOUR LIST!! Keep up the good work emoticon

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KANOE10 8/3/2012 9:17AM

    Those are wonderful steps towards health.
74 days without bingeing is really an accomplishment. Excellent.
Handling stress at work without turning to food takes strength.
Making mindful choices about your eating is the way to go.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Missed You.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Hey! I'm back. Did you miss me? I missed you - all my Spark-friends.

I've probably been MIA since about late February or March when I started working with my Wellness Consultant. That took up alot of my Spark energy and it was a great experience which gave me imeasurable perspective. I didn't lose any weight, but I did learn alot about myself and my relationship with food and managed to maintain my weight despite eating at least 1800 nutrient dense calories per day!! I now realize that 1200 is just too little for me and was not a good idea for my metabolism either.

So, I've resumed my healthy-eating ways and I've both increased and changed my activity level and have been finally seeing some positive changes on the scale lately. I was sad to see on my weight report that I had gained a full 20 pounds back starting around this time last year, but I'm within 9 pounds of my lowest weight one year ago today, so at least I'm back on a downward trend and have re-gained control before it all came back!!

I've joined Curves, well, actually, I'm working there and I have nothing but really great and positive things to say about it. I'm acutally following their Curves Complete healthy eating program (1500 calories for Phase 2) and am enjoying it immensely. It works, it's healthy, well balanced and gives me lots of energy to keep up with my new workout schedule. I would highly recommend it for anyone, let alone someone like me who may be struggling after having tried just about everything.

Hope to reconnect with lots of you soon. Hope you're doing well and staying healthy!!

Love and hugs,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEYONDLIMITS 6/20/2012 5:02AM

    So good to know that you didn't give up. emoticon

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SNUZSUZ 6/19/2012 2:33PM

    glad you are back!

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HICKOK-HALEY 6/17/2012 3:48AM

    Good to see your back!

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SHERYLDS 6/14/2012 9:01PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ELISADENK 6/14/2012 7:56PM


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BERRY4 6/14/2012 6:22PM

    Welcome back! emoticon

I'm sorry about your tug-of-war w/ plateaus and pounds added, etc. but I say that I'm glad to read that someone else has done the seesaw that I've experienced over the past 9 months.

But, truly, I believe that what we learn in the journey...(if we apply it!) is what ultimately makes us stronger and healthier as we go forward.

So here's to keepin' on! Choosing wisely! Finding what works for YOU!

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GETFIT2LIVE 6/14/2012 3:56PM

    Welcome back! Yes, you have been missed. Glad to hear there have been some very positive things going on for you and that you're on the right track--hope you have a chance to pop in here periodically to stay in touch!

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OFFDREA 6/14/2012 3:35PM

    Glad to hear you are doing well!!!! 1200 for an active person really is too low. That is great you are working at the gym! Take advantage of those perks!!!

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