HAWAII2011   2,384
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Mercurial Miss 2

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

My moods have been all over the place for atleast the last month.
One minute I don't wanna be "here" anymore on the verge of tears or already balling & then I'm a complete nut case grinning my ass off & making my Fiancé laugh while dancing like an idiot (I prefer the latter :).
I ordered a step machine last week & it arrived yesterday. Didn't get much time to use it as I got home late but the plan tonight it to use it for maybe 5-10 minutes every night for the rest of the week & up it each week until my fitness increases.
Also get my 8 glasses of water in...baby steps & I'll get there.
Today breakfast was 2 shreaded wheat with a minimal amount of semi skimmed milk about 277 calories. I suck at tracking calories!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGAMITENCHI 3/28/2014 10:55PM

    How are you doing with the step machine and you're water? As for tracking calories, I find the spark app on my phone helps me a lot because most of what I eat is in my favorites and I just pull it up and add it while I'm cooking. With water, something different works for everyone. I hate straight water, so I have to add peach Crystal Light. I also will drink it way way way too slowly *unless* it's in a Camelback bottle. Something about the oral fixation of the bottle means I can just sit at my desk and suck them down with little effort. Good luck! emoticon

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KIYOSHI04 3/4/2014 9:31AM

    You'll get there.

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Mercurial Miss! Part 1

Monday, March 03, 2014

Once again I have been away from Spark for far too long.
I gave up... For a long time emoticon
I have to be honest with myself. I will die prematurely if I don't sort my crap out & get healthy.
Reasons why I hate being morbidly obese:
1, The name...it sounds discusting.
2, Being unable to rest my arms properly at my sides due to the excess weight on my upper arms.
3, Having constant back pain.
4, Constantly being out of breath.
5, Water retention in my ankles.
6, Stretch marks
7, Being disappointed every time I go clothes shopping.
8, Being stared & shouted at like I have no feelings.
9, Not having a defined neck, cheekbones or collar bones.
10, Hating what I see in the mirror
11, Having no self esteem.

Reasons to get healthy:
1, To reduce my PCOS so I can conceive
2, To feel pretty
3, To be able to run
4, To wear nice clothes & not have to shop in specialist shops
5, To gain control over my emotional eating

To be continued....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIYOSHI04 3/3/2014 12:42PM

    Glad to see you....

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Starting Over Again

Saturday, September 07, 2013

I've been on & off Sparkpeople for the last six years. I've started off serious & trying to be totally dedicated & every slip I've had has felt like a little bit of my life ruined.

So here I am again...Nearly a year off the site...20 odd pounds heavier & way more uncomfortable in my own skin!

So I'm going to approach it differently this time. I'm going to set myself a goal each week. I know it doesn't sound much but I know that if I jump in too quick I'll be here a year later probably another 20 pounds heavier!

So my goal for this week is to stop drinking all the rubbish I've allowed myself to & get back to eight glasses of water a day.

Here's to a new start emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSANBEAMON 9/8/2013 1:00AM

  you know what to do. keep it up. you can do it.

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KIYOSHI04 9/7/2013 9:20PM

    glad to see you.

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    YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Baby steps!!

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ARNETTELEE 9/7/2013 8:00PM

  Welcome back! You can do it!

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LDHAWKE 9/7/2013 7:57PM

    Here's to a new start! emoticon (Those are glasses of water, by the way.)

You are starting right by setting small goals for yourself. You will succeed. Think positive!


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EWL978 9/7/2013 7:54PM

    Good for you and welcome home!!

Just keep on keeping on and let me know how you're doing?

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I am not pleased!...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The top picture is of Raven (now known by her new family as Missy) & the second photo is of Mum (Shadow: Right) & Midnight. I can't believe it Midnight is only 4 months now & she's nearly as big as her Mum! I haven't got round to uploading pics of Blake but will do in my next blog (he's beautiful!). That's my little family (even though Raven & Blake live with other families!).
I applied for a job within my old Vets surgery & got it. Atfirst I was so pleased & even did a whoop-di-do dance emoticon but it lasted 3 days as I quit due to the discusting cruelity going on in there! I want to see if there's anything I can do to report it but I have no proof! There's a nurse/vet there (I think she's Polish or Hungarian). She qualified in her country as a vet & came over to the Uk. The owner/vet knows what she's done & he just turns a blind eye whenever he wants time off she's in charge & doing opperations! She's a butcher & has nearly killed 5 animals & lost a baby ferrett within the surgery! She yanked clumps of hair from a poor cats testes when he was due to be castrated & the poor thing wasn't even fully under the anesthetic & I questioned her & she just said she liked doing it...I could have beaten the crap out of her! She's put animals into cardiac arrest by injecting them with anesthetic too quickly. I can't carry on as I just want to rip her head off! I really don't understand why people who obvously don't care about animals train in these professions! Animals are my life & all I want to do is help keep them safe, healthy & happy! yet people employ butchers like her! I can't stress how angry I am! I wish I could do what she's done to the animals to her! Luckily she wasn't there when I took my animals to that surgery! Just shows what goes on underneath the smiles!
Anyway, Let's get away from that topic! I've been volunteering within a nursery as a "Chicken welfare officer" & have been loving it. It's great what they're trying to do. Get the kids used to & respecting of animals (there are 2 chickens & 3 Guinea Pigs). They get them involved with feeding & cleaning them out & they grow plants for the animals to eat. I think more nurserys should do things like that! Soon we will be incubating chickens & ducks eggs. It's amazing!
The weightloss has not been great at all! emoticon I've been so stressed of late (it's not an excuse). My Dad had an opperation on his knee the Monday before last & luckily he came through it & now has another op lined up for his kidney as he's had really bad pain, they think it's kidney stones but because there's a thickening of the kidney wall & he's a smoker they say it could be cancer so he'll be going in on Friday for a second opperation. He's started talking about things I need to do if it turns out to be the worst. He doesn't talk to my sisters or his partner about these things. There's a lot of pressure as it appears that he thinks i'm stronger than them & better at dealing with the bad stuff. How can he not think that if the worst comes to the worst that i'm gonna be able to function to look after every one else! I'm already the one that everyone turns to if they need help resolving bad situations. I should be proud that people see me as a rock but sometimes I think that people need to realise that I need to be the looked after too & not just be the carer. Anyway I'm sure that it's just the kidney stones as from what's been said it's not common to have pain with the onset of cancer & he's been in a lot of pain that's been occasionally relieved with antibiotics. Fingers crossed!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIYOSHI04 4/11/2012 1:13PM

    thinking of you and your family.

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SHERYLDS 3/20/2012 10:11AM

    “Don’t wait until everything is just right.
It will NEVER be perfect.
There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” ~Mark Victor Hansen
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Thursday, February 23, 2012

So it's been nearly 4 months since I was last on Sparkpeople & i'm sorry i've taken such a long absence! To be honest with you I think i'd just given up hope after a very bad year. I couldn't cope after so much loss! First Sophie (Rat) passed away in July after a long & hard fight with Respritory diese. She passed away peacefully in her sleep so atleast that's one bit of peace for her instead of having to take her to the vets (which we was going to do the next day as she became even worse during the night).
Then my Mum moved to Croydon in July & didn't head my advice not to let my childhood cats out for 2 weeks after so they can get a feel for the house but no they let them out on the day they got there & Brandy went missing. They didn't tell me & I had to find out from my older sister. So I went mad when I found out as they hadn't even put posters up! I made them & then went door to door around Croydon seeing if anyone had seen her but no joy. I did that every few days as well as calling up vets & animal shelters etc but still no joy. I think that she must have been trapped in a shed or garage as she turned up two weeks later very skinny & shaken up. She started to put the weight back on & get back to her lovely self then a month later she collapsed. She had a blood clot in her back right leg. The vet put her on aspirin for two days to see if it would disperse it. She started to get better but after two days she wasn't able to move & ended up sitting in her urine & wouldn't eat & was just in a general state. So I had to take her back to the vets & she had to be sent over the rainbow bridge. & I hate the way I reacted as I just broke down & I was being selfish as she was the one who had to go through it & I probablly scared the hell out of her!
Then Esme (Rat Sophies sister) developed respritory problems & had two strokes. She was so amazing! as she went from not being able to walk after the 1st stroke all she did was lay on her side & she didn't eat or drink. I fed her water & baby food & pureed veg & friut & avacodo to get her weight up. Within a week she had trained herself to walk again! for about two months she was brilliant zooming around & eating really well but even tho she was stuffing her face she couldn't keep the weight on & ended up having another stroke & had to be sent over the rainbow bridge too :o(
Then my cat (Shadow) had 4 kittens Saffron, Raven, Midnight & Blake. We (My Fiance & I ) were midwifes to her labour & she was so brave. Saffron came out back feet first & inhaled some fluids so he had breathing troubles & had to be rushed to the vets & I had to bottle feed him but he was born with all 4 legs deformed & a few days later he developed breathing problems again & had to be rushed to the vets again a few days later & he also had to be sent over the rainbow bridge too...bless him he only lived for 3 days:o(
On the same day Steven's childhood Cat (Simba) was overcome by his battle with cancer & collapsed & passed away. But no one told us so when we went to bury Saffron they'd left Simba on a chair in the dining room & they didn't bury him for 3 days later which I couldn't have left it that long.
So it was just a load of crap last year!
The positive things were that the other 3 kittens & beautiful Mum survived & thrived! :o) We have kept Midnight & re-homed Raven (with a family friend)& Blake (with Steven's parents & sister) Raven is now called Missy & Blake is now known as Oscar. They're 12 weeks old now & are the most wonderful miracles ever!
There was a lot of stress when the kittens were announced to my family as my younger sister wanted one if it looked like our old cat Jade (Our 1st ever cat). I didn't want her to have one as 1, She shouldn't want a cat just because of it's markings & 2, I hold her responsible for the death of Brandy. They still have Furby & she doesn't get the attention that she deserves so why would I want to introduce another animal into that enviroment? espically with two dogs she has that she can't be arsed to train! They're loved but they totally out of control!
Anyway...I have decided that this year is going to be awesome!& I'm gonna make it that way! I am trying to gain experience working with animals so I can hopefully train for my dream job as a veterinary nurse. I've been asking all over the place for volunteering placements but haven't had much luck as I think everyone has the same idea & all the volunteering spots are full. I managed to get a voluntering spot at a local primary school in a nursery as a "chicken welfare officer" & I started today. It was wonderful! I had fun with the kids & met the two chickens & they have 3 Guinea pigs also. I'm trying to get some work experience with the Blue Cross but haven't heard back yet. I'd love to do that tho as i'd be working with so many different animals & changing roles everytime I went there.
The weight thing has been a complete failure tho:o( I hate myself for it as I really want to change & be healthy but it's like I can't control anything about it & I hate feeling a slave to it! All i've done for ages is binge eat til I feel uncomfortably full & the whole time I'm sitting there thinking why are you doing this? & hating myself for being a prat & whinging about it! It's like if I want to change then I have to stop all this. I've felt for a long time that my overeating shouldn't have the thrawl it has over me & have looked into it & wonder if I may have a binge eating/compulsive overeating problem so I'm going to arrange an appointment to see my GP & ask for help & ways to manage my anxiety for when I can't have the foods! It's not even just like I want sweet stuff! I'll shove anything in my face just to fill the hole that's not hunger! I feel so stupid!
It's weird actually as I discovered this great girl on youtube last night called MagicalCharlotte & she has been blogging her progress through blogs to over come anorexia & Bulemia (Sorry about the spelling!)& help others along the way. It's weird as even though she's the complete other end of the spectrum from me I could relate to her completely! She is now on the road to recovery & is inspiring tonnes of people.
Anyway sorry about the long blog just had a lot of stuff on my mind.
Thanks for listeningxx

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIYOSHI04 3/6/2012 12:11AM

    thinking of you.

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KIYOSHI04 3/6/2012 12:11AM

    thinking of you.

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DREAMNSCHEME 2/23/2012 4:57PM

    so sorry emoticon

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SHERYLDS 2/23/2012 4:35PM


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LYDIASPURPLE 2/23/2012 4:35PM

    I a m so sorry. It was.hard to go thru!

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