HARTMOM7   6,369
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Shame and Boundaries

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Okay, I had a BIG a-ha this morning and the things I learned have had a big impact on my emotional eating and I want to remember that I need to work on them so....

I was abused as a child. It left me fuzzy about boundaries, and without boundaries I can't keep people from hurting me so I've got to learn to humbly but firmly set boundaries and consequences, or I will live my life feeling resentful and violated.

I live with someone who dwells in shame. I don't, believe it or not. I'm about making a different choice and keeping the learning. So...when he wants compassion when he's in a shame cyclone, I DON'T really understand. I don't live there. I'm about getting out of the Shame Dodge, so to speak. This disconnect causes more disconnect. Also, often when I do something he doesn't like instead of just setting a boundary he shames me. The message is I'm so wrong and worthless that I shouldn't be allowed to breathe in his presence. (Only in this one relationship do I feel constantly forced into a shame worldview. It SUCKS!) Shame is a cancer that can metastasize souls and relationships. Gotta work on shame issues so I don't feel in trouble all the time. (I don't really feel in trouble, I just feel angry and I eat to stuff my anger because I haven't set any boundaries that take care of me in those situations.)

Vicious cycle: shame and lack of boundaries. Time to get deliberate about who I am. Only then can I find true compassion for myself and him, and the connection we both seek.


Taking time to take care of me is paying off

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Got on the scales this morning and I had dropped another 5 pounds! It was a nice boost after my emotional disillusionment last night. Back on with the Challenge.

I am however very stressed about the prospect of marriage counseling starting next week. I just don't see how it will be safe to talk about what needs attention. Trust the process , trust God, trust the counselors and learn to trust my spouse.

God, I hate trust!


Challenge vs Competition

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

I have thoroughly enjoyed the health challenge this week but the laser just posted a "board" of how we all rank both on points earned & %of weight lost. I am in 2 ND place on weight last & 18 points behind on points. I find myself having a very negative reaction to the comparison... Like it robs the joy & self care out of what I'm doing. I know it is a perfectionist lie & I need to continue because the challenge itself care & it is bringing me joy. But, I think I won't won't open the rankings as we go forward. I'm not competing against others, I'm challenging myself. So much of the lifestyle change is a mental battle. I wrote this blog to keep it honest & acknowledge my weak areas. Any kind of competition or having to be responsible for someone else simply shuts me down.

So, know thyself; protect thyself; free thyself.


One week Health Challenge results

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Today marks one week of doing the Health Challenge with friends. I have lost 6.4 pounds and 2 inches. Not bad. I will have Sunday be my "sugar" day as I can bake a treat for the family and have it be part of our family time. Also, it will be a portion controller.

I find the new "Goal Board Check In" to be one of my favorite features. It is personal to me and has the power to immediately refocus me if I'm feeling uncommitted to my healthy eating and exercise plans. I quickly remember what and why I'm doing this and I'm back on track in moments. Kudos to the SP web designers on this feature.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NETGYRL 9/7/2014 11:08PM

    Those are some spectacular results! Nice job!

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JAMBABY0 9/7/2014 9:49PM

    your doing good keep it up

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Saturday more Sane

Saturday, September 06, 2014

After yesterday's overindulgence, I got back on track today. I read inspirational stuff early, gabbed with my girls, had Chinese for lunch, but only ate half my portion and tracked all foods and exercised later in the day, but did 45 min instead of the planned 30 to start to offset yesterday's fiasco. I got my 25 minimum SP points, plus some! and am writing this blog.

I decided to make writing a little something in this blog one of my daily goals, hoping it will provide insight and focus, etc. It's not really for anyone else, just me. If someone else reads anything that helps, great. If not, I have to be consistent with things in my life to establish a routine of discipline. It is part of my self care regime.


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