My former self

Saturday, September 29, 2012

I met a woman that reminds me of my former self. I met her a few weeks ago when I started taking my oldest son to his orchestra rehearsals. He meets on Saturday mornings for 1.5 hours. That's plenty of time for me to get in some really good exercise.

I met her as I was running around a popular running spot. She was walking her dog - going in the opposite direction. Her dog was a pitbull mix. She was thin and very stylishly dressed. As I noticed her, I wished I could still wear clothes like hers. I dug a little deeper in my run in the hopes of losing a few more calories - a little faster. After the third time around, I stopped and asked her if she knew the distance around the loop. It seemed to me like, perhaps, she was a regular. She did.

Much to both of our surprises, we ran into each other in the orchestra rehearsal room when we picked up our children. And now we're friends and talk with each other every Saturday morning.

She's about ten years younger than I am and has only one child. She runs 5 miles and has the body of a runner. I'm guessing she runs those miles about 9 minutes/mile. That's what I used to do when I was her age. I think my body was similar to hers when I was her age. I look at her and think of me - the way I used to be - ten years ago.

But it's not just age. I think I can get back to that body. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself. Maybe I can't. But I think I can get back to running 5 miles at a time. And maybe that's my goal. And maybe the pounds will go away. And maybe one day I'll look like my former self again. Maybe that's my goal.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DUKEFAN86 9/30/2012 9:15AM

How cool that you've made a new friend! Small world! Sounds like she's a bit of an inspiration, too. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAINTBETH 9/29/2012 11:34AM

You can do it! Report Inappropriate Comment

Exhaustion

Saturday, September 29, 2012

So yesterday I learned something new.

Yesterday, my middle child came to work with me in the afternoon. On a normal day, I have a snack of apple and peanut butter at around 3. That snack helps me get through the rest of the afternoon so that I don't eat all the junk food in the house as soon as I get home. I couldn't have that snack yesterday - my son is allergic to peanut butter and apples - so I ate potato chips and frites corn chips when I got home. I'm proud of myself for limiting their quantities but surprised at the next thing. I was absolutely exhausted after eating the chips! I had to go straight to bed at 7 pm - I could barely function.

The exhaustion felt familiar. I felt like this every day - ironically when I was eating chips every day. How strange that eating chips could bring on exhaustion! I wonder why that happens. I mean, eating potatoes baked doesn't do that (I think).

Anyway, I learned another reason to keep away from the chips.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GHOSTFLAMES 9/29/2012 7:42AM

ONE DAY AT A TIME WE WILL DO THIS WE ARE WORTH IT. REMEMBER TO TRACK DAILY YOUR FOOD AND FITNESS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL JUST ASK. TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK ON YOUR SPARK JOURNEY. Report Inappropriate Comment

AZMOMXTWO 9/29/2012 7:35AM

it is good that you were able to limit them and another reason to find an alt snack for times like this Report Inappropriate Comment

Day Three

Thursday, September 27, 2012

I'm cautiously optimistic. It's day three. That means that for the past three days I've been eating and exercising right. I've been trying to lose weight for two years now (!) only to actually gain weight. I've been at day three before. But this time is different. I've been exercising for the past few months. I've been planning my food and figuring out how to eat. I put them together once before for a week - and lost two pounds! But then life intervened and I gained back the two pounds. Plus another two.

But this time it's different. I've been practicing. I'm more motivated. I'm going to do it this time. The journey starts with a single step. And I'm already three steps in. I'm just going to keep on going, keep on figuring this thing out until I've got it down. Until I've lost the weight.

I'm six pounds less than obese. I can't even believe I write these words. Six pounds short of being obese. But here I am. Fourteen pounds over the maximum of healthy weight. My first goal is eight pounds. Let's see if I can get there!

Today is day three.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORYOMA 9/27/2012 8:52PM

Day three for me too...let's encourage one another...we can do it a day at a time one pound at a time...yesterday I got sick but I pushed myself today to stay focused. My body is already hurting no desire to workout but tomorrow I will go for a walk Report Inappropriate Comment

Motivated!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Now I'm motivated! I started exercising again. I used to love running. I still do even though it's much harder to run with all these extra pounds on me. But I'm doing it. It just feels so good.

I haven't lost any weight yet, but my motivation is really high. Some friends of mine at work just lost a bunch of weight. Husband and wife team - they joined weight watchers and the weight really came off! That motivated another friend of mine at work to work on her weight. And little by little, she's chipped away at her weight and has lost 15 pounds so far! She looks great! I can do it too!

My goal is to exercise - mainly run - five times per week. But I also have to watch what I eat. And I've been doing that successfully for the past three days! I'm so excited! I really want to lose weight! My husband took a photo of me this past Sunday at my son's birthday party and I was horrified at what I look like now. I'm just so fat! It's time for a change.

So here I go. The journey begins with a single step...

  

Laying My Cards On The Table

Sunday, January 15, 2012

It's a new year and a way to start over with a clean slate. I'm going to start by laying my cards on the table. Here it goes:

One of the things holding me back is my own confidence - or lack of it. Why do I feel like, no matter what, I'm going to fail? Why do I feel like I'm not worthy?

I've had so many examples of me working and succeeding at my goals. For example, I have a great education. Thanks to my hard work, I was accepted at a great school on a full tuition scholarship. I was incredibly successful at my first job out of school I was a considered a high performer at previous positions. I've completed two marathons. I used to weigh 110 lbs (seriously!) But lately (as in the past five+ years), I feel like I'm just a failure. Why? Why do I feel this way?

I feel like this at work all the time. I feel like I'm going to fail. I look at my colleagues and I'm just as qualified as they are. But my boss yells at me. My colleagues get bonuses and promotions and I get yelled at. And the cycle continues.

And I feel like this emotional weight prevents me from losing the physical weight. I feel terrible, so I'm just physically exhausted so I don't exercise. I'm too tired to make myself some food so I grab the junk food and eat a lot of it. and then I feel bad for doing that. It's the emotional - the feeling like I'm a failure - that's holding me back. It's the chain tying me down.

It's time for me to break free. But I don't know how. And I don't know how to begin. If you're reading this and have some suggestions, please post them here.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARMONY_MUM 9/26/2012 7:58PM

Thanks DukeFan and GermanIrisGirl! I appreciate your advice. I hadn't seen it till just now. I think you're both right. I'll try to follow your advice. Report Inappropriate Comment

DUKEFAN86 1/28/2012 9:58PM

I like the idea of consistency that GERMANIRISHGIRL mentioned above. Start small, though, to help shift your self-confidence in the right direction. Some suggestions: 1) Pick one thing to track for a week. Maybe it's just water that you track, or just fruits and veggies. Once you're ready, build on it. 2) Get a pedometer, and wear it consistently. Don't judge yourself, just track the numbers and look for ways to increase your daily steps. That's where tips like parking farther away from the store will help. 3) Work the SparkPoints page. It really is a good way to educate yourself, and earn points in the process. Right now I'm working toward the next trophy, hope to get it by the end of the year. It's not a monetary thing, but I hope it'll pay off in other ways down the road. Report Inappropriate Comment

GERMANIRISHGIRL 1/16/2012 1:08PM

Maybe try rewards for yourself. That helps me. The key is consistency. You need to find it, keep it, and don't let it go. Start at the top of the spark points page. I think they are somewhat in order of importance: track food, fitness minutes, goals, learn to cook, read (educate yourself), water, etc...EVERY DAY. Then reward yourself when you do it. Report Inappropriate Comment