My Flying Leap Off the Wagon

Thursday, January 20, 2011

It has been a week since my last blog enty. I should say it's been a week since my last confession as I not only fell off the bandwagon over the last week. I took a flying leap off the thing!

Even my Wii workout last Thursday was apparently not mild enough for my still recovering body. I only did some yoga, a few strength training moves, six minutes of hula hooping and 12 minutes of boxing.

Yet, I woke up Friday with racking pain and tightness from my neck down to my hips. I applied ice. I applied heat. I took a detox bath. Saturday I went for a therapeutic massage and rested the remainder of the day, feeling much better. Sunday, the hubby and I took in a movie, after which my back was locked up again. Monday, I went to the chiropractor, but the pain was so bad I couldn't even tolerate an adjustment.

I am not a fan of medication, especially narcotics, but after three days of such intense pain, I just wanted immediate and complete relief, so I went straight from the chiropractor to my physician's walk-in clinic. While my primary wasn't there, I saw another doctor at the practice who was also the physician who saw me after our auto accident. A month ago, she prescribed me Hydrocodone/APAP and several other medications I won't name: a cocktail that gave me severe a skin reaction.

A week later I went back with gouges in my skin from scratching myself bloody in my sleep. I was advised to immediately come off all meds, which I did. So I naturally wanted to avoid any meds that were a part of the cocktail she had prescribed last month.

After trying unsuccessfully to sleep on Sunday, I raided our medicine cabinet to see what we might have to take away the pain. I found one dose of Hydrocodone/Ibuprofen which succeeded in doing that and did not result in any adverse reaction. So I asked for a prescription for that.

I did not even get to tell her I still had 25 or my original 30 pill prescription for Hydrocodon/APAP...IN MY PURSE!...to relinquish for the alternative before she scolded me like a junkie looking for a fix. She then tried to prescribe me something in the cortisone family (which she proclaimed certainly shouldn't cause any skin reaction) but is related to prednisone which is my record to cause severe gastro issues (seriously, I can't be farther than two rooms away from a bathroom if I am on the stuff), THEN she tried to prescribe me one of exact drugs that was part of the original cocktail that caused the skin reaction (also known to cause liver or kidney failure-can't remember which). I asked her why she wouldn't prescribe me the Hydrocode and she compared it to using a rhinoceros in place of a plow horse.

I was doubled over and almost crying in pain. I wanted the rhinoceros!

And I had the SAME THING just cut with a different OTC drug IN MY PURSE, having taken only 5 pills in more than a month! Seriously, is that junkie behavior?

She actually said to me "If you just came in today to get that drug, I'm not going to be able to treat you." Um no, I came in to get treatment for pain with a drug I know will WORK and won't hurt my skin or my stomach.

Sorry, I have bad luck with side effects and I am not feeling so hot lately, so I don't feel like experimenting with a new drug I've never taken before to see how my body reacts. Not now!

I left feeling so embarrassed and insulted, I forgot to even get the physical therapist I told her I needed at the start of the appointment. She gave me a prescription for Motrin 800 and a muscle relaxer that a) intensifies the effect of the Valium I am weaning off of currently and b) can cause vision problems (hello, I have an eye disease!)

My husband who went with me to the appointment was so offended on behalf, he found a new primary physician today who told him to get off his current prescription immediately, Motrin 800 (notice one of the prescription I walked out with in the end on Monday), because such high doses of Ibuprofen often cause bleeding stomach ulcers. Oh, and the ankle gauntlet our other physician prescribed has caused the hubby to tear a calf muscle. The new doc gave him some physical therapy exercises instead...something our other doctor has yet to do for either of us.

Tuesday was an equally emotional day as my eye appointment revealed fluid in my right eye again. Not sure if it is a reactivation or if the original leaky blood vessel just hasn't completely dried up yet from the first activation. Since it's only visible in a dye test and looks otherwise stable, we are monitoring closely for the next month before proceeding with another injection, as retinal injections carry their own set of risks. Joy.

So I have been wallowing in a pity party for the last five days, snacking myself into oblivion, and sitting on my butt being thoroughly inactive in fear of aggravating my back again. I used to spend 90 minutes exercising, getting ready to exercise, and showering up after exercise every day, and few days a week 90 minuted stretched to a full two hours counting my drive to the Y and back. You know what they say about idle hands.... I found myself with an extra two hours in my day and have to done nothing useful at all with it. I sat on the couch, watched TV and occasionally got up to get another snack. And I've been miserable doing it. Getting more and more depressed by the day.

Today I decided enough is enough. I set up an appointment for Monday with the new physician and for Tuesday with a physical therapist, ate two cups of broccoli and an anti-inflammatory salmon burger on a whole wheat bun for dinner and tracked all of my very well balanced meals for the day. I am going to get my body healthy again. I am going to take control of this pain and do everything I can to rehabilitate myself. Damn it, I am going to run again! But in this case, I really do have to walk before I run.

Sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening.

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Back to basics and setting my sites on a new PR

Thursday, January 13, 2011

It's been a while, but this is a two blogger day.

I have to pat myself on the back just a little this evening.

1) I managed to hold myself to just 4 ounces of wine tonight. The holidays lent themselves to a little more drinking than normal. Easily two or three glasses some night. Some bubbly on occasion. And I discovered a few new wines I just love. So it's been a challenge to cut back to the usual single glass with dinner...and stop with one. Last night I just had a glass and a half, but tonight was an achievement worth repeating on a daily basis except on very special occasions or the rare day in wine country. There. Resolution!

2) I also managed to fit in a full hour of exercise in addition to my very active playtimes in the yard with the dogs. I started with 15 minutes of yoga during which my mind started to wander and think about when I started this journey.

What did I do to kick off my exercise journey? I didn't have a membership to the Y. I didn't have a bike or a pair of running shoes. The hubby and bought a Wii, a balance board and one game: "WiiFit". So I plugged it in for the first time in over a year and, for the next 45 minutes, got back to basics.

Oh yeah, I hula hooped, baby.

And since I last used the WiiFit over a year ago, I am still down 30 pounds in spite of the December gain. OK, 30 pounds in over a year is great. It's thirty pounds in the right direction, but this year I WILL reach onederland. I have a little more than 20 pounds to go and the hubby and I have decided on a re-do of our botched anniversary cruise this summer. No reason I can't do it by then!!!!

After all, since the last time I used the WiiFit, I have lost enough belly fat that I can do the Standing Knee pose without falling over or having to use a yoga band just to reach my knee.



And I can actually DO the Dance pose, one which I just laughed at and quickly declared "yeah right" when I tried it last. I couldn't even grab my ankle behind my back.



I've come a long way. Now it's time to set my sites on the Finish line and set a new PR! Onederland in time for bathing suit weather!

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The week in review (so far).

Thursday, January 13, 2011

An update for you:

1) Weight Loss: I have lost 1 pound of the five I put on in December and all my clothes still fit, so I feel pretty good about my progress and relatively minor damage done during December's recuperation and holiday season of overeating and inactivity. I didn't track yesterday because the hubby's computer is in the shop for repair, so I couldn't get on to Spark, but have otherwise been very good about it. Getting the after dinner nibbling back under control by drinking lots and lots of tea at night.

2) Exercise: Well, yesterday was supposed to be my HipHop class, but I was stuck in the office until well after class time with a huge IT issue, so I did not make it. I also have not attempted a formal "run" since last Thursday. I have, however, spent twenty minutes, three times a day, for the last two days playing with the dogs in the back yard which consisted of me SPRINTING in the snow as fast as possible for as long possible, walking to catch my breath, and repeat. So I am pretty sure, I am ready to start training again as soon as the ice on the road is gone. (I am not risking a fall after all I went through last month). I also did a little yoga yesterday, but only about 15 minutes while watching Biggest Loser.

3) Zeke: the new dog is getting a lot braver and more confident by the day. I believe he will come out his shell quickly. I have started clicker training, but obedience lessons are going to take some time. I haven't quite found his perfect "reward" No kidding, he's scared of hot dogs now he shocked himself on the nose when trying to take it out of my hand when we were training.

He's a little bundle of static electricity, but VERY sensitive to the smallest of shocks, which makes me think someone put a bark collar on him as a puppy (he's very quiet for his breed). That makes me so mad, because even if you are going to use this method of training (which I wouldn't), a dog under the age of 6 months should NEVER be exposed to such negative motivation.

We've moved on to Vienna sausages for smelly food rewards or a quick game of tug with his favorite toy and a cuddle for non-food rewards, but he is not wowed by either, so training is slow. But that's OK. He's housebroken and crate trained. He's quiet in the office. He's calm inside. He plays well with Cricket and ignores the cats. Those are the biggies. That he doesn't come when called just means he has to be leashed walked for a few weeks yet even when we are in the fenced in back yard (or at playtime he can run on a 30 foot training lead...which is why I am sprinting...he can chase Cricket and never reaches the end of the leash, so doesn't really notice its there. But she is FAST. We never catch her). I tried letting him run without it once, but he decided to explore the creek bed in the woods behind the house for fifteen minutes, in the dark. There is a fence on the other side, but I don't trust it as much since it's just really sturdy chicken wire (vs wood or chain link). The hubby had to come out with a flashlight to help me find the little mink, who was just happily burrowed down under some brush "chilling."

4) Work: I am making progress in my new position and feeling more comfortable in it by the day. I have my first client meeting set up for next Tuesday, so fingers crossed it all goes well. The head of my department will be there to lead it (he will lead my first three meetings, then sets me loose on my own), and he is really an expert in this field so I get to learn from the best.

I guess that's all there is to tell for now. Have a good weekend if I don't touch base before Monday!

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The belt doesn't lie.

Sunday, January 09, 2011

I haven't logged anything in two days, but I am confident I have done reasonably well. I am however committed to start logging again -logging EVERYTHING-next week. I know I allowing myself to many "cheats" to lose weight even if I am not gaining. I did manage two workouts last week. A minor dent in my fitness minutes goal, but I could tell during my Thursday workout, I HAD to take it slowly or risk undoing the healing that by body has been doing for the last month.

The scale is static, but at least I haven't gained. My clothes fit the same as they did before the accident and the holidays. I'd say all in all that's a success.

Having Zeke is also going to help the journey as because of the time I am spending walking him and playing outside. My metabolism is more sluggish than it should be because I sit at a desk ten hours a day, usually eating at the desk as well. As a new dog, to ensure no housebreaking mistakes, I have to walk ZEKE every hour for the first week or so. And give him a long play session after mealtimes. This will FORCE me to do finally force me to follow my doctor's advice- to get up once an hour every hour for just a five minute walk...to undo the damage to my metabolism that sitting all day is doing to it. My ambition is to continue the routine even after I am confident Zeke knows the house rules.

Speaking of Zeke, got a big reminder today of how far i've come since the start of this journey, a reminder that was delivered a big boost of self esteem in light of my recent standstill. I have started treat training Zeke on some critical basic commands (learning his name and to come when called) and decided to take a session outdoors today. They are calling for snow tomorrow, and today boasted a wind chill of 7F, so, needless to say, I bundled up.

Two bulky layers under a thick coat I actually bought a bit tight last winter (as I buy all my clothes so they fit even better as I lose weight). The hubby gave me a little pouch that clips on my belt for treat holding. Just one problem. No belt on my coat. So I got the bright idea to dig out the belt I was wearing when I STARTED this journey and cinch it OVER the coat. It's one of those belts with two holes every inch all the way around, therefore infinitely adjustable. When I was at my heaviest, I wore it in its second or third set of holes. Today, over three layers of winter clothing including outer wear, I had it in the eleventh set! And it wasn't even tight.

I am ready to kick it up a notch next week and get the hell out of the obese category for good. I am ready to go from my size 16/18 wardrobe to a size 14, so I can shop in even more cool stores AND find most of the cool clothes in my size. That won't put me at my goal weight, but it sure will put a smile on my face. The hubby is also ready to get back on the bandwagon (though he still has a bum ankle right now), so hopefully we can get serious again together.

Goal for tomorrow. Try for another walk with Cricket and try to make it at least two miles without back or hip pain. If I can make the whole three, I may try a short walk/run later in the week:) Fingers crossed.

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What you get/need is not always what you expect

Saturday, January 08, 2011

What a day. As many of you know, the hubby and I were to welcome a new dog into our home today, an adorable bull terrier, basenji mix named Hobart. I fell in love with him last Sunday and our Springer Spaniel, Cricket, took a shine to him as well. The rescue organization was not altogether sure if he was good with cats, so we had to wait until today to determine that final piece of information, to see if he would be a good fit. I couldn't WAIT for today to arrive and the introduction to the house went perfectly...until he saw the cat.

I will preference this by saying I have a 0 tolerance of aggression in my pets since five years ago a lab/husky/chow mix I raised from a puppy killed the pet I have loved to this day more than any in this world- a cat named Cow who followed me like a puppy, came when I called and slept on my hip every night no matter how much I tossed and turned, and could NOT abide a shut door between us. You get the picture.

The dog was usually even tempered but occasionally showed signs of unpredictable "snapping". She never bit anyone in the five years I raised her, but I did not entirely trust her around children because of it. She always seemed to get along great with our other pets...until she didn't. In retrospect, I am not entirely sure that she did not injure Pug one day when they were unsupervised. I have never quite forgiven myself for not taking the signs more seriously. I did everything I could to socialize her-puppy class, obedience classes, plenty of attention and love; despite it all, I always knew she always a bit "off". I was irresponsible to keep her. And my beloved cat died because of it. My late Pug likely lost her eye because of it. I vowed it would never happen again.

I gave Hobart the benefit of the doubt that he was just curious when he first saw the cat and started tugging forcefully on the leash and let him investigate. Four feet away, while the cat was sitting still and entirely oblivious of any potential danger, he lunged with a vicious growl. She hissed. He opened his mouth and barked as if to eat her, bent on retaliation. I gave it about two minutes, walked him around the house so he could smell her presence and get to "know" her, then tried to casually walk him by her at a safe distance, fast, just so I could reward him with a treat for ignoring her. He tried to eat her again.

I called the head of the rescue back, only five minutes after we signed the adoption papers in a panic saying it wasn't going to work. I was upset. I really wanted it to work and Hobart is a GREAT dog around people and any other dog. He will make a great pet for a home without cats. I apologized profusely for returning him before we even gave him a chance but explained the reason for my no tolerance policy. He was very understanding and even appreciative of the insight to help him find a better fit for Hobart in the future.

When he told us he would go get our check from the car, we told him to keep it and let us know when another pet with suitable temperament, but that was good with cats came along. With a look of surprise, he said he had a timid but very affectionate sheltie mix come in a few weeks ago that was finally ready to be re-homed this weekend.

We met Zeke (originally named Dancer) at 3:00 today. Cricket met him at 3:15. We took him home at 3:30 to meet the cats at 3:45. When they approached him, he casually walked away. Perfect. He is totally submissive to Cricket and plays gently with her, great to tire her out when we are in the yard but together, they are calm inside.

I cannot imagine the life Zeke had before the rescue saved him from being euthanized in the pound where they found him. He was terrified of the washing machine when we brought him home and is quick to lay down or even bare belly in the event of any loud noise or quick movement he anticipates may be a threat. He doesn't run away though and is only eight months old, so we -me, the hubby and Cricket-will bring him out of his shell in no time, I am confident.

He turns into a different dog outside when he is chasing Cricket, confident and energetic (though he cannot catch her) and LOVES his kennel (which is convenient since its in my office where he can keep me company during the day), so we guess he's never had the comfort of a home and is just unfamilar with what to do or what goes on in one. He is learning already though...


He likes his bed and his stuffed rabbit already very, very much and, at just after 10:00 is comfortably asleep beside the fireplace. I have named him Zeke after the cowardly lion's alter ego in the Wizard of Oz. With us, he will find his courage (but he is going to look really cute with a lion cut in the summer!)

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