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HARISHABAD's Recent Blog Entries

Starting Over at 203 pounds

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Yes, it's true, I am back to 203. Oddly, although I know the weight has to come back off, I don't hate myself. It just is what it is.

The reason I gave all those months ago to go off my plan was I got tired of fighting. I did a self-check every now and again between then and now, asking myself if I wanted to stop overeating and go back on my plan, and the answer was no. Again, it was what it was, no excuses.

Something clicked a few days ago, and NOW I am ready. It feels safe to be here again.

It's so neat to see all the same friendly folks on my activity feed. It's good to be back...


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SO_INTENSE 3/9/2012 4:58PM

    Welcome Back emoticon emoticon

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DENISE223 3/2/2012 12:36PM

    I'm very happy to see you back! emoticon

I've hit that "Restart" button a few times (++) in my journey - and, you're right, "It just is what it is". Nothing more, nothing less.
Wonderful to see you again!

Peace, love & happiness to you and yours,


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    Welcome back. I got off track the last 2/3 of last year and am still working on getting it back off. Easy to put on, had to get back off. LOL. I'm glad to see you back and working on it. We can do this!

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HIPPICHICK1 3/1/2012 12:04AM

    Welcome "home." It's nice to have you back.
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STEPHSFREEDOM 2/29/2012 1:42PM

    It not about how many times we hit the restart button, its that we are determined to bring health back into our lives!

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    I love your attitude.... plain and simple. No excuses. No self-loathing. I love your freshness and not trying to fight against yourself.

Knowing you are ready is so amazing. Pushing finally feels like a strong and focused effort, not a whining struggle against your own self-set traps.

Welcome back, I'm just now getting back on top myself. There is so much to catch up on!

love you so, Maud

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TKAYSMILES 2/29/2012 12:18PM

    woo hoo!! It is good to see you! I had to take about 6 months or so off too but it was so good coming back. I gained some back and lost a lot of my physical ability too. But like you said it is what it is and we just have to go from here. Stop by spark daily too!! Same small wonderful group of women!!

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SHANTISHANTI 2/29/2012 9:48AM

    Welcome Back!!!!! I've missed you. Starting over...you're not really starting over, you're just continuing on YOUR journey. Sometimes we have to just deal with the bumps in the road. You have such a positive outlook, and I know you will achieve your goal. Namaste, Mary Ann

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BOOKSCATSTEA 2/29/2012 9:08AM

    Welcome back!

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DAY 2 of the no-sugar challenge

Monday, April 18, 2011

Well, it wasn't as easy as the first day, but I did it, more or less.

I was absolutely beyond exhaustion Sunday. Disappointing, since I wanted to get a few little things done then to sorta lighten up the workload for Monday morning, always a good strategy when you work for yourself. Anyway, that wasn't happening. I slept half the day. And I'm one of these people who normally CANNOT sleep in the middle of the day, unless I'm sick. SO I guess I needed the rest.

In the afternoon, I felt so drained I gave in to temptation and ate a bunch of Wheat Thins. I'm 'fessing up here.

Granted, it's not the worst thing in the world, but still, 4 g of sugar per serving so they were technically off-limits.

I'm realizing the blessed reprieve a was somehow granted from my fibromyalgia is definitely over, and I am getting more and more of these "pooped" spells, with the muscle and joint pain and all the other fun stuff that goes with it.

I am not taking this lying down; I went to see my Dr., and she is ordering a full battery of tests to see what is going on with me. We will get to the bottom of this, no doubt.

I am realizing most of the time I overeat it's to get energy somehow. When you can literally barely move that (especially sweet) food looks awful good. Once I get this illness under control again, I will again be too busy to eat.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 4/21/2011 2:38PM

    Hang in there!!

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TOTHEFUTURE1 4/19/2011 12:18AM

    Well not just sugar on reduced calories its hard to get a balanced diet.

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JANLEH 4/18/2011 10:40PM

    I'm so glad that you've got your doctor working on your side! No wonder you are so tired!!! I hope you are feeling better really soon. Take care of yourself and rest whenever you can.
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WATERMELLEN 4/18/2011 9:02PM

    That's quite a challenge when you're dealing with fibro fatigue and pain . . . glad you've got a doctor who is working with you to figure out what's best . . .

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    Be sure you get plenty of protein in to keep your energy level up. I wish I could sleep that well.

I love Wheat Thins but have not had any in years.

I hope you feel better soon.

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LINDAKAYCLARK 4/18/2011 4:07PM

    I also am trying to cut out the sugar and the carbs and I feel weak and shaky!! This "weight losing business" sure isn't easy!
I wish you the best of luck!

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DAY 1 of the No-Sugar Challenge!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

At the suggestion of my friend Whitney (FIT-WHIT), we are going on a one week with out refined sugar challenge. If you are interested in the "rules," check her latest blog.

I started yesterday and here's the report:

It's not easy eliminating sugar! Especially if you're like me and totally hooked on the stuff. I do an okay job of staying off it when I'm being vigilant about my diet, but, alas, that hasn't been the case much lately (that's going to change, though).

Soooooo, how did I do? Actually pretty well! I went to town so I could work out and go grocery shopping and here's how I negotiated the challenge yesterday:

Breakfast was my usual: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 1/2 oz. raisins (fruit is allowed under this challenge; its the junky refined stuff we want to eliminate), 2 servings of whey protein powder (unsweetened), and herbal tea. No trouble there.

Mid-morning I set off for the gym and errands. Normally I would stick a Builders Bar in my bag, but those have 20g of sucrose, so I took a pass on that. There was basically nothing in the house, so I did not pack a snack. Bad, I know, but nothing I could do about it.

After my workout, I was really hungry, but I mentally scanned all the restaurants and eateries in Medford, and most of them had bad features: too much fattening food, too salty, etc. Not exactly a health-food mecca! I was really tempted to go to the Indian place, but its a ton of carbs plus I love the tamarind sauce (sweet!) so much that I drown everything in it. Um, no, not today.

But I was planning to shop in Ashland, which is a health-food mecca, so I drove the 15 minutes down there, parked at the Coop (one of my FAVE places, btw), and ran in to buy a loaf of flourless bread, some turkey, an apple, and some homemade slaw and asparagus from the hot food section. Yummy!

After going back in the store with a full tummy, I did my marketing, then drove to another store to complete it. Amazing how you have to shop at several stores to get all the things we want. It's tiring! I left a lot of things on the shelf, too, that might present a problem during the week. Not bad stuff, mind you; just things that are incompatible with 7-days-without-sugar.

After I finished all that hubs called me - would I drive to so-and-so's and pick up a package of bees (yes, you read that right, my husband is a beekeeper). Naturally, I had never been to this guy's house before and it's 25 miles out of my way, but I finally found the place and we loaded the big box in the back of my station wagon. I drove right home (in case you are wondering, yes, some of them got out, but they didn't bother me).

By this time, its pushing 5 and I was beat. Hubby saved the day here, because this is the WORST possible scenario for me - it's late in the afternoon, I'm tired and hungry and there's a whole houseful of food beckoning to me. He said, sit down, and I'll make dinner. What a sweetie! Thanks, darlin'!

It wasn't gourmet dinner, just a salad and a salmon burger, but it filled me up and kept me out of the kitchen.

Soooo, DAY 1 Completed!

What to you do to stay away from temptation?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Good job!! I try to avoid most sugar too as it triggers me.

We had a huge bee hive in our yard a couple of days one year. It was so neat. We took pictures of it.

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JANLEH 4/18/2011 11:33AM

    I have taken to repeating these lines in my head ... over and over and over:

* Be tough
* I refuse to turn to food for comfort because I will end up feeling worse!
* Fat people give in to cravings ... fit people prepare for cravings.
* Success is non negotiable
* "Life isn't fair, success isn't free, welcome to the jungle."

I'm learning mental toughness!

Comment edited on: 4/18/2011 11:34:29 AM

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WEEZYB7881 4/17/2011 6:06PM

    what an exciting journey you've begun. I realized I was a sugar addict several decades ago when I went into withdrawal after giving it up. weird. I had no idea I was physically addicted to that stuff. but reading labels and being attentive ensures that I stay off the stuff.

withdrawal was ugly - every joing and muscle hurt. I had headaches and the shakes and sometimes even sweats. and it took 6 long weeks to get through them. But I survived. and you will too. (Ironically, 6 months later I went back to the stuff - after all how do you do Cmas without sweets? - and had to detox all over again.)

now I never even consider that stuff. It's in the house for my grandkids and guests but it's not for me. I don't even consider it for myself.

and that's a true blessing in my life. My freedom date with sugar? Jan 1, 1981. yep - 30 years ago. there is nothing I could eat that would justify the pain of going off that stuff - nothing at all.

good luck with your challenge. it's worth it.


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HIPPICHICK1 4/17/2011 10:51AM

    I have been staying away from refined sugar for a very, very long time. Since my gallbladder issues have come up I haven't had any unless you count honey. That means I have been sugar free and refined carb free for 5 months. Also red meat free.
I wish you all the best on your 7 day freedom from sugar! Just think of how much your organs will love you for doing this.

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Not a Bright and Bouncy Blog - Sorry!

Thursday, February 03, 2011

This year so far, it seems like I am perpetually digging out from something, not making progress like I was last year. Itís hard maintaining!

I got to within 4 lb. of my goal weight last Fall, and since then I have gained 6 pounds. Now I have 10 to lose. Sigh.

And stuff that makes me go backwards can happen in just a few days. Eternal vigilance really is the price of success. This weight will not stay off by itself.

Case in point:

A week ago Monday, everything was looking as bright as possible. A bit of bloating because TOM is coming, but hey, what else is new. (note to the Universe: I want menopause for my birthdayÖplease???)

Went to the gym, had a great leg workout. After I got home, my back started hurting. I guess I overdid it a bit. That happens too. Normally, I am fine the next day.

At the same time, sonny boy came home with a cold, which after fighting for a few days, I finally got. I donít get colds anymore, thankfully, unless someone brings one home and repeatedly inoculates me with it.

Then for some reason my PMS kicked into high gear. I was blowing up like a balloon and had the most intense food cravings. I mean like big time. Carbs, sweets, alcohol, you name it, if itís not on the eating plan, I want it.

So that was Tuesday to Friday. Fighting the cold, fighting the urge to eat, and forcing myself to get work done through my aching back. Finally Friday, forget it, Iím done. Iím sick. To bed I go.

So I am in bed out of it big time all weekend. When I get a cold, I donít fool around. I canít think clearly at all. I have no energy and all I can do is lay there. And eat (feed a cold, right?) So laying around, my back is feeling much better, I guess I am so distracted with all the other complaints I donít feel it.

Thereís one week completely shot. Food, out the window. Exercise, are you kidding me??

So Monday I am feeling like I can breathe and function again, and WHAMMO! here comes the back pain again, so severe I can barely move around. Getting out of a chair Ė pure torture. And the weather is glorious, sunny, even halfway warm, so I want to potter around outside. No way. Humph.

Wednesday I was able to do a bit of my daughterís Just Dance 2 game. (Side note: that game is really, really fun, get it if you have a Wii). I was mostly moving my arms about; trying not to move my trunk so as not to make things worse. But at least it was something.

Today I will see how I feel after I get my work done. I might pop in to the gym, just to make an appearance and get back into the groove.

Not working out for almost 2 weeks is really killing me. I can see the return of my old ways on the horizon. The habits that got me fat in the first place Ė eating all the time, not moving, drinking liquid libations every nightÖ.oh, yeah, we all know well that worked. Ugh.

So Iím examining my motives Ė did I throw in the towel and purposely sabotage myself??

Honestly, I donít think so. Well, I guess I could have stayed home from the gym and locked my son out of the house (kidding, Iím kidding!). And as for the cravings Ė I get them once in a while, and I confess I havenít figured out how to deal with them yet. They are hormonal in nature, and not usually that bad. Generally I just roll with them, go over my calories for a couple days and live with it. This time, what can I say, a lot worse.

Now itís hard for me to get back on the wagon. Some foods that I normally eat just seem yucky right now. Iím still craving the comfort food.

Okay, I read this over, and I am depressing myself reading it. I guess we are supposed to be uplifting and always look on the bright side of things, but the truth is the truth. Maybe next time it will be sunshine and bubbles...I hope so.

Thanks for listening to me whine. I love my Spark community!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    'm the same way when I'm sick. I want carby comfort foods. being sick sucks. I'm glad you are improving.

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DGRAZIA 2/22/2011 7:52AM

    Hi Angelika, I just wanted to stop by and say I am feeling your pain. I have a very tender side muscle, which hurts when I even try to do floor exercises. Darn side planks. I am glad you are seeing a chiropractor. I have been glued back together time after time by a great fellow in my town. He helped me after I was badly injured running, and falling over one of my dogs:-) My left leg had a torn muscle deep inside, just under the left butt muscle. My foot dragged for weeks, but the doc got me back in shape. I think sometimes we end up with minor injuries, which end up a bigger issue from walking off balanced, as you say. Hang in there. You will come though this!! And when You do, you will be even stronger:-) Sending you a big big ((((((((((HUG)))))) dIANA emoticon

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NEVERGIVEUP30 2/11/2011 6:22AM

    Thanks for the comment on my blog -- I'll check out the adrenal exhaustion tip.

Congratulations on your weight loss & fitness! You're a good example that over 40 we don't have to 'let ourselves go.' You look great and all of your hard work shows!

I appreciate your blog because I don't think there is a written rule anywhere that we always have to be uplifting on Spark. You've done such a good job and admit that there will be inevitable ups and downs along the way. That's life, but it always seems that at some point the sun starts shining again and the bad stuff seems to evaporate.

I think you're doing great and would give my right leg to be where you are! lol


I'll subscribe to your blog.

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TKAYSMILES 2/7/2011 9:16PM

    I'm sorry you are struggling! I'm sorry I've been out of the loop too and missed your blog until today! You have done amazing things this year and I know you will get right back there as soon as you are able! Please don't push yourself too fast so you don't do more to hurt your back! Rest while you need to, get to full strength and then tackle those incredible work outs of yours!! Probably the reason this TOM is worse is you aren't working out making those cravings harder to control! You'll be just fine! Hugs to you my friend!! You are ALWAYS here for us when we need you, we can be the same for you!!

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TRACIEO3 2/7/2011 2:16PM

    I don't think you are whining, there are truly times when the " s&^t hits the fan" in my life too. I have been out of sorts lately too, exercise, hardly. Food, my fridge needs a padlock. But we have got to keep on living, after all I AM. Alive that is. We get over the rough patches and we keep on living, until the next one. But when it is good, revel in it and when it is bad, recognize it. Name IT for what IT is, but don't allow that name to become a label for ourselves. I'm still working on this concept myself.

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MOMMYBYCHOICE 2/5/2011 12:31AM

    oh becareful what you ask for..... I ahve been in meno since age 35 and well thats when the weight problems REALLY began.

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JANLEH 2/4/2011 12:05AM

    emoticon I truly believe that TTOY (This time of year) has a lot to do with your feelings. Winter is so hard on those of us who live in this part of the world - now, combine that with illness, your back, TOM! You are super but you are not superwoman. Please give yourself a little break. You'll get back on a roll. We just need some longer days with sunshine ... the darkness will retreat. Hang in there! You are amazing!

Comment edited on: 2/4/2011 12:06:06 AM

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WATERMELLEN 2/3/2011 9:22PM

    "Eternal vigilance really is the price of success": that's something I have to try and teach myself over and over again. Don't like it but there it is!!

Cravings . . . another big problem. I'm hoping my Beck program will help me get a better handle on them, and I think it is!!

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HIPPICHICK1 2/3/2011 4:16PM

    Aaah, to be perfect ALL of the time. That just doesn't happen. You'll get back into the groove in no time. Glad you came here to vent your frustrations. So sorry to hear about your back pain. I can totally relate. Have you ever tried muscle relaxants and a heating pad? My partner prefers muscle relaxants and a shot of scotch!
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WKLYTTON 2/3/2011 3:57PM

    You blog it out and we'll come to support you -- That's what we're here for! :)

It's a crazy cycle you got going there.. I can relate with TOM.. Just when it ends and I get going good again, WHAM! TOM is back. Poo. I hope that everything will find it's balance and that you are back to 100% soon. Maybe see a doc? Pinched nerve?

Feel better soon! Chin up and try to stay positive.

"Focus on what you can do and not what you can't do" -- The Doctors tv show :)

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    Awww sweetness.... it's okay. It's the coldest time of the year and you're just not cut out for this. The three months from Halloween to Ground Hog's day are the darkest 12 weeks of the year. Plateauing, even back sliding a bit during these dark months is so human. Your body wants to grow a little fluffier for winter. Your body wants to conserve energy "just in case." It is the time of hibernation and incubation, of crystalline inertia and inward growth.

Not progressing is not failure. Your body has been taking these months to adjust to where you are now. It has been getting used to "this is how my body is". I think it is very wise of your body to take this time to grow into itself before spring will naturally bring so much more movement and less winter-defying hunger.

Get a little sunshine, even if it is just sitting on the couch in a sunbeam. Be sweet to yourself, forgive yourself a little. Spring will be here soon and it's gonna be fantastic! I promise.

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Bouncing Back Big Time after a Month of Setbacks.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Okay, I admit it. Winter is NOT my favorite season. Some of you have posted beautiful blogs about loving the winter wonderland and dancing among the snowflakes. Iím just not one of those people. I grew up in Southern California where a 55 degree day made everyone put on heavy coats, and even though I havenít lived there for over 20 years, the intolerance to cold remains.

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In southern Oregon where I live, Natureís palette for Winter is more gray-and-green, rather than the white-and-brown of points further north and east, but itís still plenty foggy, cold and dreary. Plus the days are short so thereís little light.

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My idea of the perfect wardrobe consists of tank tops and shorts and sandals all year round. In fact I would dispense with the sandals if I could except Iím OCD about tracking dreck into the house.

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So December was not my greatest month.

It was the perfect storm of all the weather-related stuff Iíve described above, hysterical levels of busy-ness at my job (I own my own business where I sell online), easy availability of sugar and junk like there is every Yule season, business travel and stress.

That wound up costing me about 8 (!!!!) pounds on the scale. Yikes! One of the first things I had to do (after I stopped stuffing my face, of course) was to be honest and change my weight ticker here. Itís easy to revise our weight downward, but itís a real blow to the ego to go the other way, isnít it?

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Then of course I got busy! Gym time, weights galore, dancing and Zumba with the Wii and just to have fun with the music blasting, spending hours gardening on the one nice day weíve had so far this year, and on and on. Basically getting off and STAYING off the couch!!!!

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This week I have burned insane numbers of calories. Itís nice having some time for myself again! Playing Santaís elf and having the kids home really cut into things last month.

So yesterday, I was feeling quite a bit thinner, stepped on the scale, and YEAH!!! Back down to within one pound of my lightest weight!!! And not only that, I took my measurements.


Get a load of this: The last time I measured myself was before a challenge I thought I was going to complete (wrong time of year, as you can imagine). That was on 11/24.

Measuring all the same bodyparts yesterday, I found I had lost a total of 3 (THREE) inches!!! They were mainly small losses, half an inch here, a quarter or an eighth thereÖbut hey, this is after basically five weeks of semi-crappy eating and 2 weeks of being back on the wagon.

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What I really want to get across here is, forget that all-or-nothing mentality most of us used to have: you know, you eat a slice of cake and you figure, what the hell, I might as well eat the rest of it because everythingís already screwed up. Not true.

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I obviously didnít follow my plan all the time during those stressful December days, but one this I did do that I never did before, I always started fresh the following morning. Too much sugary food and wine at night? The old me would have woken up and continued the binge unbroken the next morning.


Not anymore. Now, Iíd start with my on-point healthy breakfast, oatmeal and eggs or whatever it was, a snack, healthy lunchÖ


Then sadly at some point (usually at dinner) Iíd go off the rails. Not that I am excusing it, eating rich food in the evening is probably the worst time to do it, but I picked myself up and started again.

Every day. Without fail.


I think that strategy, if you could even call it that, helped me be able to lose whatever I gained fairly quickly. One of my Sparkfriends very wisely pointed out that if you gain weight quickly, itís more likely you can lose it quickly. Itís the fat thatís been pounded into our tissues for years thatís so hard to get rid of.

Never, never, NEVER give up!!!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 1/14/2011 11:09PM

    I totally agree with everything you had to say about winter. It plain sucks. LOL.

I almost always gain weight now over the Xmas holidays no matter how hard I decide not to.

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TKAYSMILES 1/14/2011 9:34PM

    I loved your blog!! DancingGardner was right too...you are awesome! I'm so glad to know you and even happier you brought me here! It's going to be a great year!!!

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WATERMELLEN 1/14/2011 8:18PM

    Great blog -- and congrats to you!! You're doing wonderfully!!

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FROSTY99 1/14/2011 5:00PM

    1st let me congratulate you on recognizing the problem and 2nd for getting back to basics and being honest with yourself and your Spark friends-see what you have accomplished in such a short time. You should be so proud and hopefully this motivates you and keeps you on track (at least most of the time). emoticon
Happy Sparking

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    ...and this is exactly why I tell people how wonderful it is knowing you. In every blog you write I find inspiration, insight, information AND a big smile that will stick to my face for hours.

Keep on keepin' on with your bad self... it's gonna be a great year!
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CHELSEAANNE8 1/14/2011 3:22PM

    I did the same thing because of the holidays. I gained some of the lost weight back and now I am revamping my goals too. So, great for you!! Good luck with all your new goals.
Chelsea emoticon

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JANLEH 1/14/2011 2:56PM

    You are right and I admire you for your honesty, your vision and your love of all things warm. emoticon

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DOLPHINFAN1334 1/14/2011 2:27PM


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