Joy comes in the morning!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Last night, I was feeling kinda crummy - I wrote a blog entry about it, but I gleaned the wisdom left there, and decided not to acknowledge ignorant people, and replaced that entry with this one.

I'm pretty sure I reached my 1st goal!

I saw my goal number yesterday, but I didnt believe it- my body is weird, im not often the same weight two days in a row, but when I am, it's more likely to be a true number. I weighed this morning (I weigh everyday - wii) and it was the number -1.
I havent felt very motivated in April. March I was reading the spark, making my vision boards, consulting with myself, I was on a roll, and then the flare hit, and I was in bed for 3 weeks. Motivation gone, It's still not all back, but I dont know - it's amazing when you find that you arent just doing something to fit in, that it's really you. It's your lifestyle. Two veggies at dinner? Yep my lifestyle. My sis and I ordered pizza yesterday, but to ease the blow, I got veggies on mine, and asked if she would take what was left to her MIL's house because it will get thrown out if it stays, and she said - well they wont eat it. It has vegetables on it.
hehe.
Yeah, that's my lifestyle.
Im not crazy 0% fat, only air and watergirl. I just eat a few more veggies, and drink a few more glasses of water and move a bit more. How I grew up, a great emphasis was never put on drinking water and exercising, but I guess because we got fast food so much less than our peers, and my mom actually cooked everyday - we thought we were just fine...eventhough I was 300 lbs when I was 15. Everyone - including me, just thought that was my own fault.
I feel so silly making a big deal out of it, but please understand that I can see ONEderland from here, it's 9 lbs {~~ thata way. I havent weighed in the 100s since I was 10 or 11 - twenty years ago. It took me a LONG time, but Im here. Im here

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESPAH 5/1/2010 6:59AM

Go ahead and make a big deal out of it. I freakin' bawled like a baby. It's a number, yes. Not much different from 201 or 199. But it has meaning. Let it have its power. PS Muchos gracias por el goodie. :) Report Inappropriate Comment

DJS-DEBBIE 5/1/2010 5:08AM

Please make a big deal out of it!! You are doing such a great job and it is definitely a big deal to be able to see onderland. You just keep moving at your own pace and you will get there. Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 4/30/2010 4:32PM

Oh, my precious friend. I so rejoice with you. I weighed 200 pounds at ten years old. Obviously, drinking water and exercising were not part of my world. At 50 I finally started taking responsibility for my body. Better late than never, eh? I am SO so so so proud of you. If I could be there to hug you as you cross over into onderland I would give you a big, bright gold star. Keep on beaming, my friend. Keep shining so the rest of us can follow your path. You are an inspiration and I appreciate you. *hugs* Missy Report Inappropriate Comment

PURPLELVR7 4/30/2010 12:03PM

for sharing, I have been in a small funk in April, but I just keep moving and it paid off. I think your story is . I know you , keep up the good work Report Inappropriate Comment

JLUVSHIKIN 4/30/2010 11:05AM

Congrats on being so close to your goal! Report Inappropriate Comment

IUHRYTR 4/30/2010 10:16AM

Isn't it a wonderful feeling to be so close to a new goal? Keep up the good work and you'll get there and then we'll do a happy dance. :) -- Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

ERNURSERN 4/30/2010 10:12AM

I am SO proud of you...I have been in a funk lately myself...I signed up with a personal trainer and I am hating it...I was doing SO well on my own...now here I am ticked off and feeling like a failure...I made a decision this morning that while I signed up for the trainer I am not going to go back...I will pay him because I have to but I am not going back...I lost 42 pounds on my own and since I am with the trainer I have gained 5 back...I CAN AND WILL do this on my own.... You are an inspiration!! I can't wait until I can see ONEderland too...and I WILL SEE it ...I KNOW I CAN!!! Thank you so so much for inspiring me today!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

good news, bad news

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I woke up this morning and found that I was 1 pound away from my goal. I also realized that although I usually say I have 50 lbs left to lose to get to the goal *I* want, it's actually 36. Im pretty certain of something...
The Self Sabotage monster will be trying to knock on my door pretty soon.

Dear self, please do not put out the welcome mat.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DHALYIA 4/30/2010 4:41PM

Load the shotgun, put it next to the door. Sneak up, crack the door...Blam! Blam! No problems! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSCOURTNESS 4/28/2010 10:40PM

You are awesome. Keep looking forward and don't look back. Report Inappropriate Comment

IUHRYTR 4/28/2010 5:00PM

Yea! nearly at another goal. Terrific news. Keep up the hard work. -- Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 4/28/2010 3:36PM

Hurray for YOU!!!!!!!!! NOTHING can stop you now. *applause* Report Inappropriate Comment

TLAIR0468 4/28/2010 2:04PM

When the self sabotage monster comes knocking, pretend nobody is home!! Stay strong! Congrats on the loss!! Report Inappropriate Comment

JESPAH 4/28/2010 7:18AM

Yo, Self Sabotage Monster?! Hit the road, Jack. Report Inappropriate Comment

GOSPELCLOWN 4/27/2010 11:40PM

Let's CELEBRATE and go for a walk in honour of your quickly approaching goal! YEAH! Blessings to you! Report Inappropriate Comment

AXISLADY 4/27/2010 11:34PM

Why do we do that? I wish I knew the answer. Every time I get down below 200# I can just bet money on it going back up very soon! If you find the magic answer, will you let me know? Report Inappropriate Comment

The donut called my name

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Ever feel like a fraud?
Yesterday after my second doctors visit of the week, I went over to the cafe, to see what they were serving for lunch - it was something I didnt eat, so I looked around at the other items they had available, and something caught my eye - a glazed bowtie donut. It knew my name and began to whisper sweetly...
Instead of just going home, I went into the cafe and made my purchase -

fruit salad

For no other reason than, that is what I wanted, but the little nit picky critic in my head called me a fraud right away. Good thing I'm not in the habit of listening to liars these days! Just because something calls your name doesnt mean you have to answer.

[I did well in March and on the 28th a relapse hit me like a truck. Ive had to cut my workouts in half because I probably shouldnt really even be working out, but my spirits are lifted when I do. I try not to over do it, just 15-30 mins a day. I was offered steroids to help me get over the flare faster, but I didnt want the extra weight that comes with steroids. Not sure what I'll do when I can no longer avoid them. There must be another way!]

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IUHRYTR 4/15/2010 8:51PM

Good willpower. Fruit salad sounds delicious. I know what it's like to try to exercise with injuries and only remind you not to overdo it but to do as you're doing, a little at a time. Hang in there. -- Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

JESPAH 4/15/2010 4:43PM

Well, if you go on steroids perhaps you could get that Major League contract you've been wanting. No? Oh. :) PS You're no fraud. You are, as we say, walking the walk. Report Inappropriate Comment

YATMAMA 4/15/2010 4:19PM

Those whispers abound! Onion rings have been calling my name for a week. Gonna have to factor them into a menu and soon. Bravo for YOU!! I am so proud of you for no longer listening to those destructive lies. I have to wonder if the steroids would cause weight gain now that you are eating healthier? Would chair aerobics be possible for you to keep up your cardio? I pray you are able to strike the balance you need to meet all your goals. I know that you can do it!! *hugs* Missy Report Inappropriate Comment

Eviction Order Executed

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Yesterday, an entry showed in my google reader "What men think about big girls". Out of habit, I clicked on the link, but before the page loaded, I clicked on the X. It took me that long to realize that I didn't care what men thought of big girls. Such a blanket statement. Men? What men? I'm so entirely sure it is not ALL men. Big girls? Which ones? Are all of us the same? How can someone who doesn't even know you exist have thoughts about you, that you should give any weight to? Just because it is said does that mean it is true?
It's strange somehow, because that one little decision of clicking that X showed me how much I've changed. How important to me it is now that I don't look to others for my definition, much less someone who doesn't know me.
I spent a great deal of my 20's listening to what "these people" said, and applying their thoughts to my life. I put so much value in what they were saying, that I tossed the encouraging, supportive and beautiful words of people I did know, figuring it couldn't possibly be true.
Tsk, tsk. One of my very first blogs on SP referred to posting an eviction notice on the negative chatterbox in my head. I'm realizing that the order has begun to be executed.
Just like SparkPeople teaches us that we should strengthen our bodies in small increments, 10 minutes at a time. I feel that this little decision is just one of many little decisions which will serve to strengthen my self esteem.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DHALYIA 4/30/2010 4:44PM

"Woooooooo!" Actual sound that startled my dogs and sent them running around the house looking for the cause. Lol. Thanks for the blog, I now know what it was. That cranky little voice that said I wasn't enough. Report Inappropriate Comment

LEOLO_1 3/26/2010 1:27AM

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YATMAMA 3/26/2010 12:25AM

I am so proud of you. SO so so so proud of you! This is a HUGE milestone and I applaud you!! Report Inappropriate Comment

JOYATLAST 3/25/2010 11:40AM

**! Wild Applause !** When I think of the years I wasted yielding my mind to the slop of the world without knowing a single forefinger click would protect me!!!!!!!!!!! But, we know it now, don't we? Love, Joy Report Inappropriate Comment

IUHRYTR 3/25/2010 10:44AM

As a guy I wonder when there will be an article about what women think of big men. Glad you deleted it. We don't need to clutter our minds with garbage thoughts. -- Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

JESPAH 3/25/2010 6:00AM

Yep. Don't let it rearrange the furniture in your head. Report Inappropriate Comment

PAYDAY10 3/25/2010 2:08AM

We are learning from our past experiences. We can look for the positive in life or the negative. Making lemonade out of lemons is what most of us want to do. We are getting rid of the garbage inside with an effort to become beautiful according to God's purpose for our lives. Our outward size is important for good health but it what we do and how we live our lives by letting the light of Jesus shine through. This is of the utmost importance. The rest will fall into place. Report Inappropriate Comment

RUSSELLORAMA 3/24/2010 11:18PM

Awesome blog! It's time to kick negative thoughts to the curb! Report Inappropriate Comment

Who is the most awesome person today?

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

*warm fuzzies* Have a great day! Be sure to share some of your awesomeness and remind someone else of their own!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 3/10/2010 12:00AM

Awwwww that's so cute. You are adorable! *huggggggggggggs*< BR> Missy Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSCOURTNESS 3/9/2010 9:02AM

You're the best! Report Inappropriate Comment

IUHRYTR 3/9/2010 8:18AM

Good reinforcement message, one we need to tell ourselves over and over -- we are a unique, good person. You, too! -- Lou Report Inappropriate Comment

ERUPERTO 3/9/2010 7:31AM

LOVE IT! Report Inappropriate Comment

JESPAH 3/9/2010 7:12AM

Reminds me of one of my fave posters, even though it's misspelled: http://www.bootsands abers.com/images/uploads/awesom e_thumb.jpg Report Inappropriate Comment

DJS-DEBBIE 3/9/2010 6:29AM

Right back at you! Thanks for a great start to my day! Report Inappropriate Comment

AAKROYD 3/9/2010 6:24AM

Aww thank you! You're just as awesome too! Keep on being you! Report Inappropriate Comment