Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Yesterday, an entry showed in my google reader "What men think about big girls". Out of habit, I clicked on the link, but before the page loaded, I clicked on the X. It took me that long to realize that I didn't care what men thought of big girls. Such a blanket statement. Men? What men? I'm so entirely sure it is not ALL men. Big girls? Which ones? Are all of us the same? How can someone who doesn't even know you exist have thoughts about you, that you should give any weight to? Just because it is said does that mean it is true?
It's strange somehow, because that one little decision of clicking that X showed me how much I've changed. How important to me it is now that I don't look to others for my definition, much less someone who doesn't know me.
I spent a great deal of my 20's listening to what "these people" said, and applying their thoughts to my life. I put so much value in what they were saying, that I tossed the encouraging, supportive and beautiful words of people I did know, figuring it couldn't possibly be true.
Tsk, tsk. One of my very first blogs on SP referred to posting an eviction notice on the negative chatterbox in my head. I'm realizing that the order has begun to be executed.
Just like SparkPeople teaches us that we should strengthen our bodies in small increments, 10 minutes at a time. I feel that this little decision is just one of many little decisions which will serve to strengthen my self esteem.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
*warm fuzzies* Have a great day! Be sure to share some of your awesomeness and remind someone else of their own!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I haven't been writing as much as I would like to as of late. A little after the new year, I was given an invitation to write for a women's devotional - for...2013, but they do all of the editing now! (Who knew the time lapse was so long?) Well, it seems since that day, writing has been just about the last thing on my mind. Well, my inspirational writing in any case. I'm not quite sure why I do that to myself. I think it is a self sabotage of sorts hmm, anyway-
I mentioned a project I've been working on since the year began. It's a website. Now, because of my huge failure of a website that I tried to get started last year, I was very apprehensive to start anything new, but after receiving responses to the piece I wrote for an MS magazine last year, I thought, perhaps I should try to provide a place where stories could be shared.
At the very least I thought maybe I should try, so that next year 1/2011, I wouldn't be thinking - hmm, I wonder what would've happened had I started that site. It's different from the happiness site in that I don't have to write each day, and some other entries are provided by other people with MS and other disabilities. So if you have MS or another disability, know someone who has a story or you just a story to share -please, please do not hesitate to do so. Sometimes, something that you say will strengthen someone else.
Still not seeing a gigantic move in the scale, but I know there is some improvement in my fitness. An activity that took me 30 minutes to complete last December, now takes me about 5 -6 minutes. Lots of practicing as much as I can, especially my leg which doesn't like me at times.
One of my very favorite poets died last week Saturday. I've loved her writing since I was a teenager. I'll leave you with a little gem she wrote the curvy girls of the world.
Homage to My Hips
these hips are big hips.
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top
Thank you all so much for the comments you left for me last week. It was such a blessing to me to see all of the encouraging words. Very heartening, and I thank you all. I guess I didn't really have much to say, but I wanted to say hey.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I can't believe this is the first time this year that I'm writing a blog entry. I've started it many times, and thought somewhere in the middle - "Ill finish it tomorrow". Of course, tomorrow never comes, so I'm choosing today to write and complete, here is one of the reasons why i have chosen today - I did 30 minutes on my mini bike, 25 minute walk, 20 minutes stepping (1673 steps)!
So while I can no longer really move my right leg at this moment. Mentally, I am motivated unlike I have been a while.
One of my goals for this year is to read more than one book. Now, years ago, I was required to read one book a week for one of my classes, so this as a goal, might seem strange, to people who know me, but between now and a few years ago the tornado called MS hit me and obliterated my focus.
I ordered The Spark way back in September, and since it came the last day in December, I spent a bit of time looking at it.
I could not read more than 2 or 3 pages at a time, I could not focus enough. I resigned myself to taking the rest of the year to read it as long as I did it, and then I found out something amazing!
The Spark is also an Audiobook!!
Yes, I'd already used 14 bucks and bought the hard copy, but if I could get it digitally, and perhaps get use out of it, $10 more was worth it.
Now, I've never listened to an audiobook before, and I felt that I still wouldn't have much focus listening to it being read to me, but I decided to try it anyway... and I was right. Not one iota. I tried listening to it while exercising, listening to it while on the computer, listening to it while deep breathing and meditating. In every place I tried, I could not focus, until the kitchen. I found that when I tried listening to The Spark while I was preparing dinner, I heard and listened to everything - I was thrilled! I think it's because I don't have to think about cooking. It's second nature to me, so I can focus on what I'm hearing, and there is no danger of me falling asleep. I just completed chapter 6 and am now going to break so I can write all of my new goals and ETAs in addition to revamping my fast breaks etc. I'm really happy about it.
January and February are difficult months for me emotionally and physically, I've really been running behind my life since last year, and frankly, I'm quite tired of it. My life needs to be run by me.
I have been busy with a new venture, and it's harder than I thought, but I haven't given up or become discouraged, I'm thinking of new ideas, quite often so I'm proud of that. I have been comparing myself to other people my age, and that is NOT a good idea ever. It is the fastest way to make yourself unhappy, so I've been working on not doing that. It's so easy to slip if you aren't vigilant.
On the weight front - I lost 4 lbs, in January, but regained 3 so 1 lb loss, but it's one pound gone that I began the year with, and if I refocus my attentions, I should get on the losing train again.
I have not forgotten you guys, I miss being active in my SP community, I'll be back, I know that. Sooner than later!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I know for sure that I don't know everything, and this is what makes life interesting. If I knew everything why would I even make an effort?
I know for sure that when I neglect SP, I lose sight of what I can do and what I have done. I lose sight of what is possible for me.
I know for sure that I need to be challenged or amused to fully enjoy something - I would've never thought of that. I consider my whole life to be challenging, perhaps I've enjoyed my life more than I thought!
I know for sure that I have qualities worth my (and someone else's) time and effort.
I know for sure that I have accomplished more than I give myself credit for, always keeping in mind that there can always be improvements and new goals to attain.
I know for sure that I will end this year (if God spares my life) a few pounds lighter than I began it.
I know for sure that I learned to recognize more and give value to my own struggles and have come to understand that even though someone may not understand it, it doesn't make it less, and it doesn't make me weaker. The people who I need to understand my struggles will not only try to understand them, they will also respect them and support me.
I know for sure that I am learning to respect the struggles of my friends and others around me.
I know for sure that I am more determined than I ever, ever, ever knew.
I know for sure that if I do not give up. I will reach my goal.
I know for sure that my copy of The Spark is in the mail!
I know for sure that I want to have a happy all year as opposed to just a happy new year.
I know for sure that I wish all of you reading this, a Happy All Year! I hope it is your best one yet!
What do you know for sure?
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