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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Do you know the story "The Gift of the Magi"? Growing up, we learned that the magi were the wise men who brought gifts to baby Jesus in the manger, so before I read "The gift of the Magi" for the first time many years ago, I thought it would be the same story, perhaps updated. And it was - in a way.
The story tells of a young married couple who were literally living pay check to pay check. The wife, Dela was only able to squirrel away a few pennies she'd won in her haggling with the local vendors. It was Christmas eve and she wanted so badly to buy a Christmas present for her husband, Jim, but she was disappointed to learn she only had $1.87 cents.
Dela went to the local notions shop and found a most lovely pocket watch chain. Her husband had a beautiful pocket watch that he inherited from his uncle. It was his most prized possession. She thought of how beautiful the watch would look on the end of that chain, and knew that is what she wanted to get for him. But the cost was $21. How could she ever afford that? Dela had one thing she believed to be of material value - her long luxurious hair. So after a little thought she she went to the hair buying salon, and had it cut off. She received $20, went to back to the shop and purchased her husband the chain for his pocket watch.
She was so happy with her purchase, she didnt think about how she would explain her new do to her husband, and could only hope that he would like her just the same.
When her husband Jim came in to see all of her hair gone, it is written that he wore a strange look, a look she had never seen. She was momentarily disturbed but he assured her that he loved her just the same, and that when she saw her Christmas present she would understand the look. When she opened the gift she saw that it was a set of fine combs she had always admired for quite a while - she asked her husband not to worry, and assured him that her hair would grow back very quickly.
In all of the excitement she almost forgot to give him the gift she brought for him. When he opened the package Dela was so proud and asked him to get his watch so she could see what it would look like on the chain. It was then he told her that he had sold his watch to buy her combs.
O. Henry (the writer, although the name does evoke memories of some type of candy I always saw when I was little) summed up his story by explaining that although it seemed like a foolish thing to do, these two in fact were wise beyond their years- each sacrificing his most prized gift for the other. In the end they ended up with nothing much, and at the same time ended up with everything. Love is something we cant put a money value on, to love and know/feel that you are also loved. It's priceless.
Have a wonderful holiday! Do not pass up the chance to give and gain as much love as you can this season!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAIASUZANNE 12/28/2009 2:00PM

    The Gift

LOVE IS always a gift.
You do not earn it by doing something; you deserve it by being yourself.
The essence of love is that it is free.
When love is used as a reward it becomes debased.
When love is used to acquire, it becomes an object of barter.
It is no longer a gift, and therefore, no longer love.
The only condition for giving your love is that you are always free to love or not to love.
Where love is owed the bill goes unpaid.
You always feel impoverished when you are bought off instead of loved.
How do you rationalize accepting gifts that were given to possess you?
No gift given to buy your affection ever wins your full surrender.
You always hold back something just to keep from losing yourself.
You resent yourself for selling out and distrust the other person for playing on your weakness.
The only thing you resent more than having a price put on your love is agreeing to it.
Gifts should reflect love, not measure it.
When love is freely given, it enriches and gladdens the receiver,
making acceptance the only necessary response.


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IUHRYTR 12/25/2009 1:12AM

    Well said. -- Lou

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PEPPERLEAH 12/25/2009 12:02AM

    I have read this story before, and it is one that always touches my heart deeply. Thank you for sharing it with us! It blessed me tonight!

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YATMAMA 12/24/2009 10:49PM

    One of my very favorite stories.

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AUNTRENEE 12/24/2009 10:37PM

    I never read the story before but you helped in explaining it to me. thanks.

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Hello? Anybody home?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Ive been MIA lately - Ive been MIA from myself too.
After the last blog, I "checked out" a bit, I didnt want to have any other realizations, so I've laid really low, I didnt really want to go any deeper or feel any more pain. So Ive been lazy, lazy, lazy, I havent even logged into my meeting myself blog in about two weeks, and Ive been pretty inconsistent here with my daily spark point target.
Now, because I wasnt busy with the things that have usually been keeping me busy I started "busy-ing" myself with the problems of my friends. When in doubt - shift focus! I reverted to the "comfort" of the life I had been living for so long. The life where I can hide, and I dont have to really take care of me, I just have to be very nice to and take care of other people, maybe do one thing to feel like Im alive every now and then. Comfortable? yes. Happy or fulfilled? - not a chance. I miss what has recently become my normal. I think Im just about ready to pick it up and push through, but the weight loss journey is not the only journey Im on - it's just one of a few.
MS can cause memory issues, and I can't ignore any longer that my memory simply is not what it used to be, I cant cook without a timer very much anymore because I will forget Im cooking. I cannot do my leslie sansone 3 mile walk without not being able to move by the time Im done, and it's not because Im out of breath, it's because I cant really lift my legs at the end. It's scary.
Im dealing with spacticity (stiffness), tremors, and a memory that's not interested in keeping up with me in addition to trying to maintain (at least) my weight, and I have so far though Thanksgiving and everything! Im happy for that!
Something else that happened that I wrote about but didnt post at all is that I was published nationally in the NMSS's quarterly magazine. My dr was beside herself with happiness, and excitement. I think she might have been more excited than I was. I am/was happy -but Im not sure I absorbed it very much. I didnt relish in it, I didnt really celebrate it. That little nit picky editor in my head keeps on saying - it's not a big deal.
I gave one copy to my dr, and another copy to my uncle who also has MS, and I shared it with my sister and 3 of my friends.
I am happy about it, because if you told me last year that I wouldve had the motivation to write anything for the magazine, I wouldnt have believed it I credit SP for that. For giving me the little boost of confidence I needed to send my article to the magazine. Im happy because I got to read some of the responses to the article and they were touching beyond anything I couldve even hoped for. And, perhaps that's the way in which Im most happy, Im happy that someone, somewhere read something I wrote and said - I understand this - I feel like this too. I thought I was the only one. Thank you for letting me know Im not alone.
I wish the MS society had a Spark People like environment.
The support that I recieve from all of you keeps me going, and I thank you for it. Thanks for letting me know Im not alone in this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DJS-DEBBIE 12/24/2009 6:09AM

    Congratulations on being published! That is quite an accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself.
emoticon emoticon

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MOMMA48 12/23/2009 10:01PM

    emoticonHow fantastic and thanks for sharing with us!

emoticon on getting published and for being such a wonderful person -- that is something to be super proud of, girl, and you deserve all the congrats that come your way -- and that is many!!!

emoticon to you and NO, you are definitely never alone! We're here for ya!!!

Comment edited on: 12/23/2009 10:01:54 PM

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JOYATLAST 12/23/2009 12:45PM

    You are AWESOME!!!!

I hope you find the time and inclination to cut loose and give yourself a little Happy Dance! That is a huge accomplishment. I salute you.

Welcome back.

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IUHRYTR 12/23/2009 11:36AM

    You should be elated at having your article published. I've been writing for 28 years and still get a thrill when I see something I wrote in print. It's a natural high, isn't it?


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MITECU 12/23/2009 11:32AM

    emoticon on being published. That is quite an accomplishment. Sometimes, we lose our motivation, but that's what SP is all about. If you feel blah about your progress so far, let us know and we will cheer you on, especially your Spark Team members and buddies.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MISSM66 12/23/2009 11:03AM

    Congrats to you and every thing you do,I had a patient with MS he was very handsome,a beautiful person and I think you are too keep up the good work and dont' stop doing what you are doing,have a merry christmas and a wonderful new year, blessing to you and your family, emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DOBSONSM 12/23/2009 10:28AM


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I don't buy it anymore

Monday, November 30, 2009

Over the weekend, I read some comments in a response to a recent daily spark entry. The entry was about Gabourey Sidibe, the young lady who portrayed "Precious" in a movie of the same name. Sidibe is what we would call by sight alone obese, and despite this she danced, and I mean danced her way onto Ellen's stage. The article mentioned an interview that Sidibe did explaining that she was sick and tired of being so miserable, so she decided to live her life no matter what anyone said.

Many of the comments started great attitude! Or I wish I could be that confident, then comments slowly turned into yeah she has a great attitude, but there's no denying that she is not healthy and will have a plethora of health issues in her future. Then I started to see - I don’t believe she is happy, or how can she love herself and not take care to eat right and exercise. She cant possibly love herself. Then the kicker- I don’t believe *any* obese person can be happy.

The Nerve

You're too fat to love yourself. If you loved yourself you'd be thin, you're too fat to be truly happy. Truly happy people are skinny...

Do you know that there was a time in my life that I would've agreed with these people? I mean, I was obese and I know how miserable I was, just smiling through all types of pain, so when I saw a heavy happy person, I just knew it was a myth. Fat people don't love themselves. They can't. I didnt. How could they?

Guess what?

I'm still obese, and I dare anyone to tell me I'm not happy. I don't buy that crap anymore (sorry for the strong language) but this really upsets me. Do these people not realize that they are talking about themselves? It must kill them to see this large lady come out dancing, and actually happy. What would they have her do? Come out and say - well I wanted to dance, but I'm not at a healthy weight, so I cant do that. Yeah Ellen, I'd love to laugh and tell you a funny joke, but I can't do that!! I'm fat, I'm not allowed.
How dare you tell someone else that they couldn't possibly be happy, and they couldn't possibly love themselves? You are not the happiness police. How about you work on your own happiness? Before predicting what or how someone else should feel?

When I really started to think about all I was seeing, and how I was feeling, I started to realize that for years that is *exactly* how I responded to life- I'm too fat to live. I don't deserve to live, let me be as quiet and as agreeable as I can as not to disturb the people who are thinner and therefore have earned the right. So why in the world would I have those feelings? It was only then that I realized that this is the attitude that I was raised under. After that realization, a whole horde of stuff started making so much sense to me. It is why I chose to hide away for so long, what else was I supposed to do? I was taught that this was the way I had to be. I couldnt ever truly be happy or love myself. Fat blocks you from doing that for yourself. It's better to try to gain your worth from someone else, because you cant have that for yourself. The Fat blocks it. :(
It makes me so angry, that people take the feelings they have towards themselves to poison others.

Anyway, back to the unfair judgment placed on Ms. Sidibe -

1. We don't know the health regimen Ms Sidibe follows, just because she is not skinny, does not mean she isn't eating right and exercising - does it? I exercise at least 4 times a week, and I'm not stuffing my face with cake and cookies. I'm healthier now than I was a year ago, actually, I'm more healthy than I've ever been in my life. I have the medical records that say so. Even though I may not *look* like it. It is unfair to say well, she's unhealthy, when you don't know anything about her. You don't know what she has already worked through, nor what she is working towards.

2. I saw more than one person refer to her weight problem - weight problem for whom exactly? The person referring her weight as a problem or Ms. Sidibe herself? Apparently she doesn’t know of her "weight problem". She isn't letting it hold her back at all.

3. How can you use the ruler by which you measure yourself, and how you love yourself, to tell someone that they don't love themselves enough, or love themselves too much! For all of the people who taut how much they love themselves now that the fat is gone, would they still love themselves if they gained every single pound back? What if they were on medication, or weren't able to move anymore - would they be able to love themselves just the same? Something tells me that Self-love is not supposed to be conditional.

I wonder , do these people realize that being thin only means that you're thin? If you’ve vomited your guts out, or got hooked on drugs and cigarettes to get thin or to avoid gaining weight, That is not healthy. Is that person loving themselves at that point? You know I once had someone tell me, it didnt matter what they did to get thin. They looked healthy and that's what mattered.


What bothers me is that it is true. We've all bought into it until we put our foot down and say - hey! No more of this. NO MORE. If you don't want to love yourself, go ahead and hate yourself. Do not poison me with your hate.

Too see people judge Sidibe based solely on her weight, people, some of which have probably gone through or are still struggling through the exact same thing, is so disturbing to me, I'm not sure what to do with my feelings. I can imagine these ideas just being passed down generations. It's ok to judge a fat person - they don't "look" healthy. They don’t really love themselves anyway. Just throw in a - we care about your health - spin and the judgment is fine.

It's not fine.

And I don't buy it anymore. I think I am getting to know myself. It's slow, and it's painful at times, but I'm meeting the me that I am. Not only what people have always wanted me to be.
Sometimes I think about the conditional self love, and I wonder if I were 100 pounds heavier again, would the self-love that im working on right now remain? If in 10 years, Im unable to move - will I be ok? Will I revert to the ways I learned when I knew no better? Im hoping that what I do now will help me in the future.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLESTAR48 12/12/2009 9:10PM

    I agree. Part of the problem is our society, in which it is socially acceptable to judge people solely on how they look. Everyone finds happiness in their own way. Great blog!! emoticon

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JESPAH 12/2/2009 3:29PM

    You're right about Ms. Sidibe.

Truly, there are folk who feel that if they are unhappy with a particular condition, then EVERYONE MUST feel that way.

Well, I got news for 'em. They are not the arbiter of my feelings. Or of yours. Or of Ms. Sidibe's.

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HEALTHY4JESUS 12/1/2009 5:15PM

    I myself was very overweight from a family of obese people. I never realized that it was unhealthy to be that way because I grew up in a family like that. So what if she doesn't know she is overweight or obese. This country is VERY Judgemental and I hate it. My husband is still that way. NOT as bad as when we first got married cause I have scolded him many time reminding him that I was overweight too so he doesn't do it that much anymore. I agree if the person is happy than dont say they are just imagining that they are. Maybe they are. ITs so sad that this country is like that. I wish the whole world was like SparkPeople! We all understand and know! LORD OPEN THE EYES OF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!!!!

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JOY_IS_LOSING 12/1/2009 3:33PM

    Never let anyone else define you! Every person has worth and value and the right to be loved. People who judge others on their appearance are the real losers.

Joy emoticon

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GOSPELCLOWN 11/30/2009 4:19PM

    I hope this movie will make many, many more people wake up and see The Person! Why are all the differences in humans such a tough row to hoe as we face prejudice?
I guess this is just one more wall to tear down....


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MJLUVSANIMALS 11/30/2009 3:16PM

    It is something how others seem to influence our decisions, and run or ruin our life, until we can take hold of it, and do it for ourselves, only for ourselves, not because others expect it or try to sabotage it. I had two memories of how it affected me to this day, My StepMother, was not kind, and constantly told me how bad I did, or looked, I was never overly heavy, just a little overweight, but her constant belittling, made me feel so inadequate, that my only purpose in life, was to eat. My second, was my ex husband. He left me, because, I was no longer attractive (overweight) He was a self centered, egotistical one, and he was one of those that could eat anything. And in the words of my overbearing StepMOM "You let yourself go, and he will leave you" Was he ever worth it? Well they both are gone now, she passed, and he is just, well, gone. It's a very hard life, and we all have an emotional battle to work with, and a weight one. I guess the first one would be the emotional so, the second one, would be a "piece of cake" To put it right.

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 11/30/2009 3:03PM

    Amen sistah!! I was one of the first to comment. I LOVE her. Her attitude is amazing and you can see the PERSON, not the fat in 60 seconds flat if you're not someone too judgmental to look down your nose at her. I am pretty sure she is doing something because from the movie to now her face looks a little thinner but that's not the point. The point is society is uncomfortable seeing a jolly fat girl. I was completely and utterly appalled at something I saw the other day. I was looking up this link for doing Disney overweight. Well guess what came up? A YouTube vid full of pics of fat people at Disney. From behind, from the front, every angle imaginable including some in scooters. No faces blurred out just calling these people out for being obese just because. Can you imagine if you came across a pic of yourself in that video?? I would drop bricks!! As if that wasn't bad enough, for every 50 comments like "fat people should die" or "fat people shouldn't be allowed to go to Disney and I shouldn't have to look at it!" was 1 comment of the creator of the video being a loser or jerk. So essentially about 5 people had the nerve to say how despicable this was while the other 250+ made horrible remarks.

We have enough negativity to deal with from unintelligent schmucks who think it's okay that someone should be dead simply because they're overweight/obese than to take all of that on and hate ourselves too. For the idiots that are turning a judgmental eye toward the refreshing loveliness that is Gabby Sidibe, pardon me, but blow it out your ditty bags!

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DJS-DEBBIE 11/30/2009 2:46PM

    I know what you mean! I have had my mother say stuff like "I thought you were happy...what's wrong" when she saw I had gained weight. How about I just ate too much?! There were many times when I was overweight and happy. Hard to believe, isn't it? It amazes me that people who have been in the same place can be so harsh and judgemental.

Thanks for a great blog!

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NO_SNOW_BODY 11/30/2009 2:32PM

    I think loving yourself is the first step in so many ways. You ahve to love yourself to want to get healthy and to stay healthy. To be able to laugh and dance at any weight is a joy I applaud each of us that can do just that every day.

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YATMAMA 11/30/2009 2:27PM

    Oh, how I love making this journey with you. I'm so blessed that you got placed in the same boxcar of life as me!! As I read your words and felt your emotions I kept thinking how UNHEALTHY the hearts of those with skewed value systems are, how judgmentalism and a critical spirit are destroying them from within like a cancer of the soul. I have a family member or two who determines the measure of a person by the size of their bank account and the size of their hiney. If the financial statement or scale don't measure up, ZIP! You're gone. You don't matter. I am so thankful that God has different ideas, that He examines our hearts and values us no matter WHAT He finds there, because HE knows what we CAN be with His help. EXCELLENT blog!


P.S. Did you know Ellen is from New Orleans, like me? I love her to pieces. Very special lady.

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SWEETZMIX 11/30/2009 1:11PM

    uggh this is sO true. I am sO happy she loves herself the way she is. There are so many "healthy" people who don't love themselves. And the NERVE of those who have nothing nice to say. I call them a bunch of HATERS!

Thanks for letting me vent ;)

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GAIASUZANNE 11/30/2009 11:48AM

    I understand. Many years ago I had those same thoughts. I came across a website that had an exercise from the Abraham-Hicks material. This information changed my whole life! I am including it here. Do whatever you want with it ...delete it...save it...read it...ignore it...or try it.

May your journey be loving, joyful, and as beautiful as you are!

From the Abraham-Hicks material:
Getting Focused – Making the Law of Attraction Work for You
March 30th, 2007 So often, we seem to wander through life as a spectator who has good things and bad things happen to us. We spend very little time actively focusing on what we want in our lives so we create our experiences in a default mode. As much as we don’t like to acknowledge this, we are in full control over the experiences we have in our lives and if we don’t pay attention to our thoughts, we end up with a hodge podge of experiences, both “good” and “bad”.

What you focus on, you get. This works on all aspects of your thoughts. If you focus on how crappy your life is, guess what? You end up with more of that. If you focus on the aspects of your life that are working for you, you get more of that too. It’s all about the focus.

Before you can attract what you want into your life, you need to get clear on what you want. The best way to do this is to sit down and think about what is happening in your life that doesn’t please you. Contrast (aka the stuff in your life that isn’t working the way you want it to) is a great way to help you focus on what you are really wanting.

What Do You Really Want?

Get out a notebook or open up Word and make two columns. (see downloadables)
Title the first column – “What I Have”. Title the second column – “What I Want”.

In the first column, you will take aspects of your life that aren’t working and describe them. In the second column, you will describe the previously negative aspect, as if you had a magic wand, and had the power to create the perfect joy filled exciting situation.

That is the first step in getting focused on the life you want to live. Now look over the list you have created and choose the one aspect of your life that you feel you would be able to expand your beliefs with and actually feel that you could achieve what you wrote in the “What I Want” column. If you feel resistance with most of the items, pick the one that has the least amount of resistant feeling attached to it. You CAN achieve everything you want in time. Choosing the one with the least resistance will help you gain confidence and faith that the Law of Attraction does work and will work for you.

Getting Really Focused

What you can do now is what is called a “Focus Wheel”. (see downloadables)

Take the “What I Want” side of your chosen situation and put it in the middle circle of the focus wheel. In the wedges, attached to the outside of the small circle, write positive, “feel good” , “magic paint brush” supporting details to what you want. FEEL the good feelings as you do this. Get into it and have fun with it. Get out that magic paint brush and create the most awesome picture of how your life will be. Now, let yourself believe that this amazing picture, that you have just painted, will come to be and it will be yours. Feels good doesn’t it?

You have just taken the first step in getting what you want. You have put the positive vibrations out there. Now all you have to do is stay positive and keep your eyes open for what you have created to be attracted to you. Know that those coincidences that appear, are not random acts. YOU are creating your reality. Time for you to enjoy it! Manifestation is imminent!

(Direct quote from Abraham).

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RENA1965 11/30/2009 11:46AM

    I loved your post-
Fat or skinny- doesn't matter it is a state of being within the head of being happy- I did this journey so my kids didn't get scared i would die from them. Look at girls whom starve themselfs, they have the youth, the looks, many times econony and they can't find happy.
If somesone says they are happy, for heavens sake let them be without bringing them down.. Many people are toxic just to be toxic..

Comment edited on: 11/30/2009 11:47:24 AM

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KAZOOCHICA621 11/30/2009 11:40AM

    Absolutely wonderful post. I agree 100%. I wish more people thought the way you do. Cheers to self-love and happiness!

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MYUTMOST4HIM 11/30/2009 11:29AM

    WOW - this was deep. You took the words right out of my mouth though!!!!
The only thing I would add is my opinion about that "new research" that says "If your friends are fat - you will be too!!
I hate that report. It is so wrong!!!

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IPILLINI 11/30/2009 11:27AM

  Fantastic Attitude!!!!

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Part 2 - The me I was

Friday, November 20, 2009

Sometimes, I read the journal of the me I've been - just to remember, just to prove to myself that change is indeed possible. I still have a difficult time getting out and "living" because I'm still trying to figure out what that means for me. I'm not entirely sure where to start, or what exactly I consider "living" to be, but thats all a part of getting to know myself.
I read those entries from my journal years ago, and I see all the pain, shame, heartache, and torment I gifted myself. While I'm sure I could feel anger towards that girl, for all of the time wasted, I don't. There's still a piece of me that is her, and I feel such compassion, and gratitude for the person who wrote those journals. She is the person that got me here. She's the one who logged onto SP last May, She is the one that said - "Today is a new day" (Thanks Jespah).
When I read those journals, I wish I could give her a hug, and tell her that it's going to be ok. I would whisper to her "You're going to start changing your life, you're going to start realizing that there some things that only you can teach, you're going to learn to love yourself, it will be ok. It won't be quick, and it won't be easy, but it'll be ok."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESPAH 11/22/2009 10:11AM


Maybe if I could do a play by play back; I could change the test results that I will get back:

Every time I think of this song, what it means to me is: in the future, when it's too late, you won't be able to change things. So change them now, and your future self really will be hugging your present self and saying, "Thank you for taking care of me." Just like you want to hug the gal from 1989 (or whenever), work for your future and I guarantee the gal from 2039 will hug you.

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HAPPYWRITER7 11/21/2009 9:26PM

    JACKIECLINE - I do hope you come back to the page, even to see if you have any responses on how/where to begin. The fact you were even here in SP means something. The idea that you are working up the courage, means something, and the fact that you know you need the strength to press through this struggle, means that you're very likely to seek it out - to seek a bit more strength and encouragement to add to all you already have. You said that you can't walk anymore, please don't feel that it is impossible to lose weight even if you arent able to walk. SP has support groups for people losing weight who arent able to walk. It is possible. Don't give up. Fight for you Jackie, fight for you.

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YATMAMA 11/20/2009 6:22PM

    That is so beautiful. Kinda makes you wonder what the you of 2014 will be saying to the you of 2009, doesn't it? Just imagine it...

I sure hope to be in your life so you can tell me!!



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JACKIECLINE 11/20/2009 11:55AM

  There are not very many people I have found who understand when I have shared my heart about who I used to be. Thank you. I can no longer walk and I am just starting to work up the courage to try once again to loose weight. Does anyone have any suggestions? I feel like I don't know how to start and just writing that little amount has made me cry. I was vibrant and beautiful, now ... I need some strength to press on even in the midst of this struggle.

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BLAZINGSWORD 11/20/2009 11:17AM

    One day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time, consistently and steadily and you will be so proud. Then you will discover that there is nothing you cannot do. You will apply this to all areas of your life and you will be surprised at discovering who you really are in the end. It will have been worth all the hard work! emoticon emoticon

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The Me I'm Slowly leaving Behind - 1

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Yesterday, I read a line on Kate Spade's - Blog Shapely Prose, it read -

The way you feel about yourself informs what gifts from others you allow yourself to accept.

I believe this. I can look at my past experiences and see this lesson with a clarity I never had before. But I feel another part can be added to this.

The way you feel about yourself informs the gifts you will give to others.

I was able to see and understand these statements with a clarity I never allowed myself to have, or even believed I could have. It's only since I've started working on meeting myself (yup, that's still happening) that I see all things I shut myself off from with the heartbreaking belief that I didn't deserve anything, anyone or any better. I look back and see how much I kept myself all locked up because I didnt want to be seen, I didnt want to be heard, I didnt want to live. I wanted to be the invisible person I was treated as.
I'd love to say that once I realized all of this, I bounced right up and said ok forget it, now on to bigger and better things, but that's not what happened. I feel Ill get there eventually, but I have taken some time to mourn for all I've rejected, all I did not fight for and allowed to pass me by, all I've been too scared to offer, and all I've scolded myself for being and not being, simply because of how poorly I felt about my body and myself. I needed that time for the reality of it to sink in.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IZZYJEAN 11/28/2009 8:11PM

    How true. I agree with both. The way we feel about ourselves determines what we will receive And what we will give. I wish you all the best on your journey.

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JESPAH 11/20/2009 7:55AM

    The best sentence anyone has ever said to me in my weight loss journey, I'm gonna say to you:

Today is a new day.

And it is. That sentence, that mantra, by the way, is good for lots of things. You overate yesterday. You didn't exercise. You had a big fight with your honey. You lost your job. You yelled at your kids. Your mother in law got under your skin. Any of a million problems and issues and niggling annoyances and pains and itches.

Today is a new day.

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YATMAMA 11/18/2009 2:55PM

    It's often very difficult to reconcile who I think I am, who others say I am, and who God says I am. It's a continual journey to align my responses to all three with God's word. The more I do, though, the move I love who I am and who I am becoming. Thank you for sharing this so insightfully.



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BLAZINGSWORD 11/18/2009 1:33PM

    I hear where you are coming from. I believe that every person has those moments, some of us longer than others, but thank goodness there is light at the end of the tunnel!

It just depends on whether or not how fast you go through the tunnel!!!!

John Maxwell is a wonderful motivational speaker and writer, he is also a Christian.
He certainly has a gift for helping others be the best that they can be.

Just today I just purchased two of his books:, 1.) "Make Today Count" and; 2.)"The 17 Essential Qualitieies of a Team Player".

"Make Today Count" is a small book which deals with "The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda", and "The 17 Essential Qualities of A Team Player" is a little bit bigger, "Becoming the Kind of Person Every Team Wants". ($9.99 and $19.99 respectively.)

His books are highly recommended and really help one to think outside the box, and to become the best person that they can in helping discover who they are.

I am looking forward with great anticipation in readnig "Make Today Count".

Like you, I too, am on a journey of discovering who I am now that I am an empty nester!!!!

Check out his books. Most book stores will carry them.

Here is to the best that you can be, and discovering all the wonderful aspects and gifts the Lord has created within you!

Have a great spark week!!!

emoticon emoticon

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COOP9002 11/18/2009 11:39AM

    It's great to see things coming together for you. Best of luck on your continued fitness journey.

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