Monday, November 26, 2007
I forced myself to blog in today. It's hard to write when I'm struggling and feeling low. I gained 4 lbs. yesterday and am back up to 184. It was 4 days in a row of eating too many starchy foods, larger portions, candy and desserts, drinking wine. I went for a 3.5 mile walk every day but it wasn't enough to make up for all the indulging. I gave up on logging in my food tracker. I seemed to have lost my focus and let the holiday sweep me up and away from my path. I had temporarily forgotten how important it is to me to feel good and be healthy. I chose immediate gratification over long-term satisfaction.
I started out today saying that it was over and I was now going to be on track. I did my T-Tapp strength training and a 3 mile WATP video. But I haven't had any fruit or veggies yet and couldn't stay out of the chocolate-covered pretzels. The problem with having more sugar, even for a few days, is that it's addictive and hard to just stop.
I can't undo the past, but I don't have to let the past un-do me. My lowest weight since I've been on SP was 175, so I have to re-lose 9 lbs., but I'm still 30 lbs. less than last year at this time. And if I stay within my calorie range and exercise every day this week, I believe those 4 lbs. I gained last week will easily come off this week. It feels so good to lose every week and I have to remember that every minute of every day so that I make the right choices. I have to go back and keep re-reading every day the reasons why I want to get to my goal weight.....look at my vision board...say my affirmations out loud...and FEEL the positive emotions that come up when I see myself succeeding.
It's not always easy to stay the course, it's just so worth it!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
I strive to live every moment in appreciation for what I have. When I can do that, I feel happy and content no matter what the circumstance. This morning I read this email from Kate Corbin. I have two of her books, "Dining at the Cosmic Cafe" and "Think and Grow Thin", which I find to be excellent resources for learning and living the Law of Attraction. The email was such a perfect message for this week, I had to share:
November 17, 2007
Welcome to Magical Musings - a mystical realm where we acknowledge that Life is as magical as we allow it to be, where we remember that we can be and do and have whatever we desire, where we reclaim our power, our joy, and our love.
THE MAGIC OF APPRECIATION
"Nothing new can come into your life unless you open yourself up to being grateful." - Michael Beckwith
You've heard it all your life - Count your Blessings. Appreciate what you already have and watch it multiply before your eyes. What IS this phenomenon? Why is Appreciation so magical? Well, it's all about vibrations. Because Appreciation is the highest vibration - right up there with love and joy and empowerment - it immediately aligns you with Source Energy and Well-Being. As you cultivate an attitude of gratitude, the first benefit is that you will FEEL GREAT. In addition, the Universe will respond by presenting you with a dazzling array of fascinating people and delightful circumstances. Appreciation is widely held to be the most powerful process for raising your vibration, connecting with Source, and attracting whatever you desire.
Can counting your blessings really improve the quality of your life? The new Science of Gratitude says YES! Published research from Dr. Emmons of UC - Davis, the Institute of HeartMath, and others confirms that Appreciation:
improves emotional and physical health, increases immune response, and transmits healing to every cell of your body
relieves depression and stress
improves sleep quality and duration
even brings more financial abundance.
My friend is teaching her seven year old twins how good Appreciation feels. Whenever they're cranky or out of sorts, she gets them to stop, take a deep breath, and say three things they appreciate. Even though they may be reluctant at first, once they start looking for something to appreciate, their vibration zooms up and the crankiness is gone. Try it on your kids - or on yourself. It really works!
Consider Thanksgiving. No, I'm not talking about the holiday with the turkey and the sweet potatoes with the little marshmallows. I'm talking about living a Life of Thanksgiving - a Life of Giving Thanks - a Life filled with Joy and Appreciation. Let's expand Thanksgiving to more than just one Thursday in November.
The teachers in The Secret agree that Appreciation is the number one process for turning your life around. Joe Vitale suggests making a list of the people and things you're grateful for. John Demartini says, "Whatever we THINK about and THANK about, we bring about." Every morning when his feet hit the floor, James Ray says "Thank You" and focuses on what he's grateful for, FEELING the Appreciation as deeply as possible. And Lee Brower carries a gratitude rock in his pocket, remembering to be grateful each time he touches it.
Here are some ways to stay in the Magic of Appreciation all day every day:
As you first wake up. Follow James Ray's advice to say "Thank You" as soon as your feet touch the floor in the morning. Or, before you even get out of bed, raise your vibration by thinking of things you're grateful for - including the bright and shiny new day that glistens before you.
Throughout the day. Make it a game to see how many things you can find to appreciate. Try it on your way to work this week. Notice how your vibration improves as you bring into your awareness things you enjoy - a green light . . . a blue sky . . . a flock of birds . . . a delicious cup of coffee . . . your favorite song on the radio . . . the lovely and ever-changing cloud shapes. There are endless things to be grateful for, so set your radar for anything that summons up the high vibration of Appreciation.
In the evening. Do what Oprah does and keep a Gratitude Journal. Each evening, write down at least five things you're grateful for that day. Here's the magic: Keeping a Gratitude Journal orients you to naturally look for things to appreciate. And this gratitude orientation will attract into your life even more things to appreciate!
At bedtime. End your day as it began - by feeling grateful. Drift off to a peaceful, restful sleep by feeling grateful for your wonderful life.
The bottom line about the Magic of Appreciation is this: IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD! When you choose a grateful approach to life, you're a vibrational match to all manner of Well-Being. As you continue to apply the Magic of Appreciation today and every day, you will quickly and easily magnetize into your life everything you desire! How's that for something to appreciate?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Yes, I've been hit by depression...it's in the genes because my mother battled it constantly. It comes around this time of year, settles in for a while and then thankfully leaves by Feb-March. This time, I'm booting it out early--not welcome here anymore!
Yesterday I felt like there was a damp blanket over me. I ate everything I thought would comfort me, including a big bowl of Breyer's mint chip ice cream and popcorn with melted butter for lunch (eek, that's hard to admit!). I did manage to go out for my walk afterwards because I am truly addicted to walking and it always makes me feel good during and afterward. As I finished and was walking into my driveway, a car was driving by slowly beeping and a woman waving. It was someone I had worked with who happened to be in the neighborhood and surprised to see me and happy because it's been several years. I invited her in and we chatted for a short while. She had just retired and was so excited. She's single and her parents gave her a house in New Hampshire that's 10 minutes from the ocean. She went on and on about allof the things she's going to do, etc. I couldn't help but think that I'm no longer excited about retirement, especially since the medical went up and I'm a bit concerned about income. I don't feel as if I do any significant with my days. She marveled at our land out back and my perrenial garden and when she spotted my birdbath, she said she was going to make one. She has all kinds of projects lined up. When she left, I felt even more depressed. My husband came home shortly after and we took the dog on a roadtrip to stop at Sam's Club and the grocery store. I bought these cookies I love at the bakery section. There are 4 and they're big...a crunchy sugar cookie with chocolate icing, they're called Chinese cookies. I only ate soup for supper, but ate 3 of those cookies in secret. I felt AWFUL! My tummy felt bloated, my spirits were down. I went to bed thinking that this is NOT the way I want to feel and I am going to nip it in the bud!
So this morning I got up and made cooked oatmeal with old fashioned steel-cut oats, chopped apple, cinnamon, chopped walnuts and maple syrup. It tasted yummy and was comfort food that's actually got good healthy stuff in it. I drank my green tea without honey to save some calories because of the maple syrup I'd had on the oatmeal and it actually tasted good just plain. It's warmed up a lot today and the sun in peering out, which helps my mood a lot. I'm going to do my T-Tapp toning, go for my walk, and then start cleaning up my flower beds and putting things away for the season. Lunch will be a nice big salad with lots of fresh vegetables and greens. These are the foods that give me energy and vitality. That sugary, fatty stuff just makes me feel groggy and puffy.
I feel good today and have decided that this is the way I will feel from now on. I have the strength to choose. It's unrealistic to think that every day will be great and that I'll do everything I set out to do. But the one thing I know for sure is that I can always bounce back. That's the thing that will see me through to achieve my goals...resiliency!!!!!
Thanks to all my friends who have supported and cheered me on during these many weeks of challenges and struggles. I'm looking forward to blogging some great success stores from here on out!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Sunday weigh ins have not been pleasant these last several weeks. I skipped it last week, but today I took a deep breath and stepped on....up 2 lbs. since 2 weeks ago. I haven't lost the recipe, I've just not put in the right ingredients. I know what I need to do. I have to remember what it was like in the beginning to see progress. I used to actually look forward to getting on the scale each week. It's because I was faithful in loggin in my food and I knew I was eating the right things and staying within my calorie range. Thank goodness my exercise hasn't faltered. I feel very blue today, despite the nice blue sky and sunshine. Walking outside always makes me feel better.
Time to have a real sit-me-down and evaluate what's going on. Is it my anxiety about the holidays? I really don't like them and am always relieved when January 1 rolls around. I'm keeping it very simple this year in terms of decorating, gift-giving, baking, and all the hoop-la that can get you feeling stressed. I often struggle with depression during this time and can get into some very deep, dark moods if I let myself go down that road. I miss my parents and I hurt inside that I didn't have children. I love my husband dearly and he is a wonderful man who is so good to me, but we often do not share the same interests and I don't consider him my soul mate. I might possibly have an unrealistic fantasy about what that is and it really doesn't exisit. I never found my passion and worked all those years at a stressful job I detested instead of finding something that gave me joy and purpose. I sometimes feel like my life has been pointless and I have nothing to offer.
But then I think about my beautiful home and the fact that I did work for enough years to be able to retire and enjoy being home. I love being able to walk every day, keep my house neat and clean, take the time to cook healthy meals, keep my flower gardens looking beautiful, and am free of stress. Even though my medical insurance payment has gone up substantially in January and will eat up half my pension, at least we don't have any debts and we're not at a point where we are forced to go back to work. My material needs have lessened and I am more in tune with things that are most important and give me joy that money can't buy. One of those things is my health. It has improved immensely since I retired and I treasure waking up and feeling good with not only an absence of pain or illness, but a sense of well-being, energy, and peacefulness. My sister is my best friend and we like the same things. I enjoy just going out to lunch and spending the whole day chatting with her. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for and I keep reminding myself every day.
I know I'll get back to losing. I am in this for the long haul, knowing that there are bumpy times that aren't as easy to maneuver. I need to be kind to myself when I'm not perfect and know that I am making progress which is all that counts. I sighed this morning as I posted my weight in my ticker. Not to worry, I will get past this. I am starting a new week and again renewing my commitment. I will keep doing this every day of the rest of my life because like they say, success is just a matter of getting up more times than you fall down.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Things aren't going as well as I'd like, but it's about to change starting right now!
It's been a real rollercoaster ride since June. I was stuck in a plateau between 184 and 187 for two months, then stuck between 186 and 182 for two months, and finally broke through to 179 mid-September, only to get stuck again between 179 and 175 for the last 7 weeks! I was back up to 179.6 two weeks ago. It's been difficult lately to stay consistent. Last weekend I had a full house of family visiting and ate more than usual, slept and exercised less. I skipped my weigh in last Sunday because I was totally off my schedule over the entire last week and just couldn't face another gain. I often start out the day with a strong conviction, but when I falter, I tend to give up on logging in my food. It feels SO GOOD to be eating healthy, exercising, and losing. Why am I making these other choices which result in me feeling miserable, both physically and emotionally?
The thing is, the difference between my starting weight of 213 and current weight 179 is quite noticeable and I get A LOT of comments from everyone on it. Just yesterday I was outside with the dog and my next-door neighbor happened to be on her porch. She kept telling me how great I looked and how she wishes she could lose weight like I have. My sister-in-law who visited mentioned repeatedly how wonderful I looked and "keep doing what you're doing because you look so fantastic". I cringe inside, knowing that I'm not doing that great right now and fearful that I'm going to keep backsliding. It's not what I want to do. I can still wear my size 14's quite comfortably, but I feel a little pudge in my tummy coming back. I tried the 12's on and got them zipped, but definitely too tight in the waist to wear comfortably. It's not too late to catch it. It's actually NEVER too late, but the more I spiral backwards, the harder it is to catch it and recover.
The anxiety of November and December hangs overhead. In past years, I could easily gain 10 pounds over those months. I do feel differently this year. SparkPeople has made a big difference. I love coming here for all the advice and encouragement. And blogging my fears and disappointments helps to get it all out and clear it out so I can feel better. When I finally make it to my goal (and I will!), I can go back and read the times when I struggled but persevered. That'll help me, and others, know that it is possible to overcome those obstacles and succeed.
I'm still determined and I know I will get back on track. In the very beginning, I was excited, enthused and enjoying the process. It helped that I was seeing a loss every single week. I think that finding the fun in living healthy is the key. This is not drudgery. Lugging around extra pounds, feeling fatigued, feeling depressed, frumpy and self-conscious....now THAT'S painful !!! So I just need to snap out of it, get back up, muster up all the enthusiasm and commitment I know I have inside, and start doing what I WANT to do....the things that make me feel good about myself.
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