Tuesday, April 06, 2010
I haven't blogged in a while and a lot has happened since. For one, I have lost 15 pounds since March 1!!!
This, after struggling so hard for 2 years and getting nowhere. What changed? No one suddenly sprinkled fairy dust on me. Why was I finally able to do what I had longed to do all those many months before?
The only answer to those questions is that my mind and attitude changed.
It may seem coincidental, but after I said a humble prayer asking for guidance and strength in this particular area of my life, I was prompted to go on the Weight Watchers web site. I felt like it was literally do or die. I had been not feeling well since after Christmas and felt tremendous anxiety over my health. Even though the closest meeting was a 30-minute drive, I concluded that it was worth it to try again. I was just not getting anywhere on my own. To my surprise, there was a meeting being held in my little town - only a 5 minute walk away from my house.
So, on Monday, March 1, I walked over there and was just there to check it out, not really sure if I'd sign up. As I got to the front of the line, I found myself buying a Monthly Pass. There! Now I'm committed for at least a month - we'll see what happens.
Something changed in my brain after that first night. I felt something I hadn't felt in years....I REALLY, REALLY wanted to lose this weight. It was no longer just a wish or a hope. It was a burning desire.
My first week was a complete turnabout for me. I was not only no longer binging on candy, cookies, and ice cream; I was measuring and logging in my points with ease. It was something positive I was doing for myself, not a drudgery. My first week weigh-in was a loss of 5 pounds! To say I was happy is an understatement.
So on to week 2. I was equally as committed. But surely that first 5 lbs. had to be mostly fluid and I didn't expect much of a loss this week. Surprise! I lost 3 more lbs.!!!
Week 3 was a good week too, but I thought that realistically I was not going to have big losses every single week so a pound or half a pound would be perfectly fine. Shock again, I lost 2 more lbs.!!!! I was only 1/2 pound away from my 5% goal !!!
After Week 3, something even greater happened in the vortex of my mind: I had a BELIEF that I could really do this!! I had a knowing, not just a desire.
Week 4 was even easier to stay motivated. I had already gone 21 days without binging and I had lost 10 whole pounds. That 5% goal of 10.5 pounds was right in front of me and surely I could lose a half a pound. I was wrong about that...I didn't lose a half a pound, I lost another 3 !!!!! This is insane, I thought. Yes, I have been following the program. I had also been increasing my walking each week and now I was up to walking 4.6 miles every day. But I never expected the weight to come off like it had. I was thrilled to get my 5% star.
Week 5 was a little more challenging. I ate out twice. I went to Panara Bread on Thursday with my sister and afterwards I looked up everything on their web site. I was shocked to discover I'd eaten a 1270 calorie, 29 pt. lunch. Then DH wanted to eat at Chinese buffet on Friday night. Even with mostly choosing vegetables, it's one of my trigger places and I ate more than I should have. I had to guess at my pts. and decided it must've been at least 20. Then Sunday was Easter and I made a scrumptious brunch for DH and I: Eggs Benedict and asparagus with Hollandaise and silver dollar homemade buttermilk pancakes with fresh squeezed OJ. The thing is, I still tracked and logged in all of my food. And I had walked every day.
When I got to my WW meeting last night, I was just hoping to stay the same. One thing I decided when I joined was that I would not weigh myself at home at all. I didn't want to start obsessing about the numbers and determining my success solely by them. Was I ever surprised when she announced, "you lost 2 pounds!" My grand total is 15!
Now I have another major motivation for this week. I was exactly 200 and I am very much looking forward to getting out of the Two's and into the One's! My next goal after that is to lose 21 pounds, which will earn me my 10% and a key ring. At 25 pounds gone, I'll get a star charm for my key ring. After that, I'll give myself a reward for each additional 5 lbs. lost.
So, what's the secret??? Who knows? I think it can be anything you do to change it up. Like joining a gym or exercise class. Or reading and following a new inspirational book. Or buddying up with someone. For me, Weight Watchers was just a catalyst for me to change my thoughts. I love a saying of Wayne Dyer's: "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." I've always thought that losing weight is 99% mental. That's always the biggest hurdle.
If there's anyone out there reading this who is struggling, I hope I can help you see that it is possible. The last 2 years I was about as discouraged as you can get and spinning my wheels, sinking further and further in the mud. Now I've picked up speed and that momentum is driving me forward.
Yes, I have started, but I also know this journey is far from over and I will encounter sharp curves and hills before I arrive at my goal. But I am feeling confident that I can overcome any unexpected obstacles as long as I keep my eyes on the road and hang on tight.
Friday, February 26, 2010
It started to snow yesterday and stopped after we'd gotten about 4 inches. Then it started up again at night and by morning we had at least a foot of snow. It's still snowing off and on today, but we're only supposed to get another couple of inches.
I have to say that I am enjoying it because I haven't had to travel in it. I can just stay inside all warm and cozy, watching it fall. Everything looks so white, bright, and clean. The tree limbs are outlined in white and it's simply beautiful.
First thing this morning, I got out there with a shovel to clear the steps and make a path around the house so that the dogs could go out. They had so much fun! They were running up and down the path I made. Then they decided to venture off the path into the tall stuff and they were just covered in snow. I tried to take pics of them but they just were not posing - they were so excited and energetic from it.
Of course, I hurt my back shoveling all that heavy snow. I couldn't bend forward at all once I got inside. I've rested the remainder of the day, took some Aleve, and am feeling fine right now.
My DH got out there after breakfast and cleared out the driveway and made better paths with his tractor that has a plow on it.
This is the view from my side door:
This is the view from the front porch:
Hope you enjoyed the pictures. Nature sure is lovely!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Oh, my sore muscles! It's been a couple years since I did T-Tapp regularly. I'd do a workout every once in a while during that time, but nothing consistent. When I pulled out my before and after pics from 3 years ago, I was re-inspired.
Yesterday I did the Basic Workout plus a great little move called hoedowns. It only takes 15 minutes but is a very complete workout, combining aerobic and strength training (using your own body for resistance). After I completed it, I could tell that I was rusty at it. In order to get the optimal benefit, your form has to be correct.
Today, I went back to the instructional section of the dvd for the Basic Workout. Oh my gosh! What a difference!! With proper form, my muscles were absolutely burning and by the end, which was only 20 inutes, and I felt like I'd really had a workout.
I'm going to stay with Instuctional #1 for at least 4 days before moving on to Instructional #2 (which is the rest of the Total Workout). Once I have the instructionals down pat, the Total Workout straight through is 55 minutes. It'll be every day for the next 2 weeks and then every other day for the next month. Another great thing about T-Tapp is that you can see and feel the improvement from week to week. Once I reach my goal, I only have to T-Tapp 2-3 times a week in order to maintain it. I certainly could manage that.
Now that's a plan that will whittle away the inches!
For the eating side of the equation, I pulled out and re-read "Eat to Live" and "Eat for Health" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. I'm taking his advice and counting nutrients, not calories. I just purchased another little book of his titled "Eat Right America" which scores food according to it's nutrient density. I am increasing vegetables, fruit, beans & legumes while at the same time decreasing processed food, the white poisons (sugar, salt, white flour, white pasta, white rice), and animal products. I've already eliminated pork and limit red meat to once every couple of weeks.
Breakfast is a challenge and I've opting to eat some unconventional breakfasts. This morning I had a couple cups of fresh kale (sauteed with garlic & onion) and a large apple with a Tbs. almond butter.
It's a process, and I'm not hanging all my expectations on the scale. I don't just want to weigh a certain number on the scale. I want to be toned and trim. There's been no other workout I've done that peel away inches as good and as quickly as T-Tapp. It works the entire muscle length from end to end and works multiple muscle groups all at once. Every move works and strengthens your core. I've never had as flat a tummy as I had doing T-Tapp. It also aerobic and keeps your heart rate in a fat-burning range. I can really feel the sweat by halfway through the Total Workout. It's really the only workout I need. However, I'll continue to walk every day because, plain and simple, I just love to walk for how it feeds my spirit and soothes my soul. I look forward to it and feel like something's missing if I don't get it in.
I don't just want to lose pounds, I want to feel energetic and protect my body from illness and disease. Even after eating more cleanly yesterday, I can already feel the difference today. Dr. Fuhrman has seen time and time again people reverse heart disease and type 2 diabetes through this eating style. And it's the best means to overcome food addictions and cravings (he calls toxic hunger).
If ever there was a sure-fire solution for weightloss and wellness, this is it. I consider Eat to Live and T-Tapp to be the perfect combination of lifetime eating and exercise that will bring me to my ultimate goal and keep me there.
Friday, February 19, 2010
I’ve been thinking…there’s got to be benefits of staying stuck where I am. There must be some payoff for choosing to overeat or I wouldn’t do it. Our survival is based on moving towards pleasure and away from pain. So I thought long and hard about what my benefits are for each side of the scale.
Here’s what I came up with:
WHAT I GET OUT OF BEING OVERWEIGHT, LESS ACTIVE, AND OVERINDULGING IN UNHEALTHY FOODS:
1. I get to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t have to talk myself out of it. I can just do it on automatic pilot, without thinking, and then it’s too late to un-ring the bell once it’s done. It’s easier to just do it instead of struggling. In the moment, I tell myself I’ll deal with the guilt later – oh well.
2. I can get immediate gratification--RIGHT NOW--as opposed to having to sustain new habits and wait until some distant future to get satisfaction.
3. I can be sedentary and sit on the couch instead of getting up and moving. And when I’m relaxed and sitting, it feels more pleasurable to sit and it feels painful to have to get up and do a workout. A body at rest stays at rest.
4. I can entertain myself by sitting down to watch a favorite TV show with a favorite snack.
5. I don’t have to feel anxiety; as soon as I feel it rising, I can just eat it away.
6. I don’t have to ever feel hungry.
7. I don’t have to suffer and deal with a food craving…as soon as I eat the craving is gone (at least until the next one comes along).
8. When I’m feeling sad and blue, I can numb the pain with yummy food. Real tears and emotions HURT and I don’t want to hurt.
9. When I’m angry and mad as hell, I can munch and munch to diffuse some of it. I’ll show THEM (crunch,crunch)!!
10. When I’m bored or lonely, I can distract myself with eating something good.
11. When things go wrong, I can blame it on my weight.
12. I don’t have to worry about unwelcome attention.
13. I don’t have to feel uncomfortable about getting complimented on my appearance.
14. I can procrastinate and delay taking on new challenges or risks until I “get it together and lose some weight”.
15. My extra body fat can be used as a “shield” to keep other people from getting too close and hurting me.
16. I can make eating the center of my attention so I don’t have to think about other things.
17. I can punish myself for things I’ve done in the past, for times I’ve disappointed myself.
18. I can dislike myself for being so weak and I can use it as an excuse to not live up to my full potential and achieve my deepest desires.
19. I can be depressed and wallow in it instead of having to do something about it.
WHAT I GET OUT OF BEING SLIM, EATING MODERATE PORTIONS OF HEALTHY FOODS, AND EXERCISING/BEING ACTIVE DAILY:
1. I can have more energy to get more things done: keep up with my housecleaning, work in the flower and vegetable garden, and various other projects that I’ve been delaying for when I “feel like it”.
2. I can feel more like moving more than I feel like sitting. A body in motion stays in motion. The more active I become, the more I WANT to be active.
3. I can power walk around the neighborhood and wave back to the people in their cars who are smiling and waving at me.
4. I can feel the exhileration and pride after a heart-pumping, heavy breathing, muscle activating workout…all sweaty, and a GOOD tired that invigorates.
5. I can enjoy vibrant health and well being every moment of every day. I can feel great 24/7, with no anxiety and worries about potential future health problems.
6. I can wake up each morning smiling and enthusiastic about life; ready and willing to deal with whatever comes my way.
7. I can work on developing the skill of examining my feelings instead of avoiding them – finding out why I feel that way and taking measures to fix it.
8. I can finally determine what’s really bothering me instead of blaming everything on my body size.
9. I can feel pretty. I can look into the mirror and like what I see.
10. I can wear attractive clothes instead of searching for something that will cover up bulges. No more frumpy outfits!
11. I can feel comfortable in my clothes instead of pinching waistbands and tight bra bands, and thighs that rub together.
12. I can feel comfortably lighter and cooler on a hot, humid day without carrying all that extra insulation.
13. I can feel the joy of going into the section of my closet that contains my smaller outfits, trying them on, and finding that they fit perfectly and look amazing on me.
14. I can go shopping and try on a pair of jeans, only to find that I need a smaller size! Shopping for clothes will become a joy instead of a dreaded experience.
15. I can wear a bathing suit in public and feel proud instead of self conscious. Maybe even be able to actually SEE my belly button!
16. I can feel confident, self-assured and empowered in any situation because I know that I can accomplish anything once I put my mind to it.
17. I can achieve my goal of normal blood pressure without any medication. An added bonus is that I'll also save money by not having to take daily meds.
18. I can be graceful, move with ease, and feel feminine.
19. I can look and feel more youthful and sexy…wear pretty nightwear instead of unflattering baggie flannels with oversized tops.
20. I can be fit, toned, and have flexibility – no sore knees, joint pain, or backaches.
21. I can no longer be obsessed with food and eating and weight, and therefore spend more time, energy, and thoughts on other things.
22. I can truly like myself and be proud of my actions.
23. I’ll no longer hear my husband say, “you shouldn’t be eating that".
24. I can actually look forward to my annual check-up and watch my doctor smile as he reads the results of my bloodwork results.
25. I can be unafraid to discover what truly lights me up and go for it!
Now…what do I do with this information?
It’s important to know why I’m doing the things I’m currently doing. Awareness is the first step, and I acknowledge that there are definite benefits I feel I’m getting by choosing food over fitness.
But it’s also clear to me how much more appealing list # 2 is from list # 1 when I put them side by side. Now I just have to remind myself of these benefits in order to tip the scale towards desiring to be slim MORE than desiring to eat whatever I want.
I can’t have both.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Even though I continually say I haven't given up, I'm not acting like a person who hasn't given up. For the past 2 years it's been 2 steps back, no steps forward. I may have progressed forward a little in my thinking, but have not realized any results at all in pounds, inches, or sizes.
March 1 marks my 3 year anniversary on SparkPeople. I was so enthusiastic and dedicated to my goals back then. I was so sucessful and it was almost too easy. Back then, I thought logging in my food into the tracker was fun and I didn't miss one day of it. I put favorite recipes into the recipe builder and tried many of the recipes here. I was following the Eat to Live eating style which is high in vegetables, fruit, beans & legumes; little or no meat or dairy. I had gotten to the point where I no longer craved food, particularly sweets.
I not only walked 3 miles every single day, but I was consistent with my T-Tapp workout. A SparkFriend who is also a T-Tapper and has made great progress inspired me to go back and look at my before and after pictures of when I was regularly T-Tapping. I did a 50 minute Total Workout at least 4 times a week and completed a bootcamp (14 consecutive days) twice during a 3-month period. I had gone from a snug size 18 to a comfortable size 12 jean. The inch loss was substantial. I was 213 lbs. in the before pictures and 183 in the after. A couple months later I got to my lowest weight of 175, just 15 pounds short of the goal I had set.
Today I'm back to 211, and my After Pictures have now become my Before Pictures. I've been away from my T-Tapping and when I've tried it recently I'm so out of shape that it's back to square one. That makes it difficult to do it without having extreme motivation.
This weight is costing me in dollars and in well being. My health insurer raised the co-pay of my blood pressure meds this year. It used to be $50 for a 3-month supply and now it's $135. My monthly health insurance premium is up to almost $900/month and even paying that much I have a $500 deductible for office visits and labs. My brother lost 100 pounds and has kept it off for a year and a half now. After he lost the weight, he was able to achieve and maintain a healthy blood pressure without any medication. That's a huge goal for me.
The reason I'm posting this blog is for me to really step up to the mirror and face what's happened. I've been on both sides now...seen & felt the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. I don't know how I could possibly choose the latter. Life was so wonderful after I'd lost the pounds and inches and sizes. I still had problems, but they didn't seem as significant and I was better able to deal with whatever came up because I felt SO good every day. I was energetic and light and I was genuinely happy.
I want that again.
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