Thursday, November 12, 2009
Yesterday I watched the Oprah show and she had on a woman who was attacked by a 200 pound monkey. The monkey was a pet who belonged to her friend /employer, and she said she had always feared him. Yet, when her friend called her to ask for help when he got out of his cage, this woman got into her car and drove over without the slightest hesitation.
It's miraculous that she survived the attack and a blessing that she has no memory of it. She will never see again, and she wears a hat with a scarf attached to cover her face because she "doesn't want to scare anyone". She is missing all her fingers, except that they were able to re-attach her right thumb.
As I watched this beautiful spirit, tears streamed down my face. How does someone who experiences something like that go on, let alone have such a great attitude about life? Never once did she complain or blame or feel sorry for herself. Here I was, feeling bad that I have to have surgery on the side of my face that may leave a one inch scar. She put things into perspective for me. Hearing her story and seeing her courage has helped me to not fear my surgery next week.
My husband and I talked about it this morning as we sat at the kitchen table. Seeing her had touched both of us and we became extremely grateful for all that we have.
So many people endure such horrendous things and I marvel at their strength. There is a contestant on The Biggest Loser who had lost her husband (who she refers to as the love of her life), her 5 year old daughter, and her baby boy who was only 2 and 1/2 weeks old. They were all killed in a horrific car crash. I can't even wrap my mind around that kind of grief. Her whole family wiped out in an instant, and yet she is so full of faith and hope and simply beautiful inside.
Knowing there are many people in the world who have suffered unimaginable tragedies and come through it with such grace makes me realize even more that the outer layer of our being is not important. Who we are is that spirit inside that knows no limits and has no vanity...just pure unconditional love.
While it's good to work on the outer me, I want more than ever to work on the inner me. To stay ever-mindful of what's really important in life. To keep my peace and show my love even when things seem difficult....allowing my beauty to come from within and shine outward towards everyone I come in contact with. That is my desire, and that is my daily prayer.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
What a polar opposite to how I felt just 4 weeks ago! Back in control of eating, logging in my calories, exercising every day, and starting to feel like I'm back in it. I've only lost 5.6 lbs. since 10-11, but the other benefits are priceless.
I LOVE my Polar F6 heart monitor. Now I can accurately assess how many calories I'm burning as well as how many I am taking in. I did a 2 mile WATP and burned 167 calories last Wednesday. Thursday I did a 3 mile WATP and burned 242 calories. Skipped Friday but did a 51 min. outdoor walk Saturday and burned 336 calories. Today's walk was 52 min. and I burned 317 calories.
I'm re-discovering the joy of fresh fruit and vegetables and cooking healthy entrees. I'm enjoying the good feeling of watching tv in the evening with a comfortably satisfied feeling in my stomach with no need or desire to raid the fridge.
I have an overwhelming desire to take care of myself in all areas of my life. I have sufferred Seasonal Affective Disorder for several years now and just muddled through it while going through terrible bouts of depression during the winter and early spring. I know 100% that I have it because when the sun is shining, even on a cold winter's day, I feel upbeat and energetic and ready to seize the day. On those dark, damp, dreary gray days, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and not face the world. Even in the summer I get depressed when we get too many cloudy days in a row. I decided to stop just getting by and try a light box. They're quite expensive, but Dr. Fuhrman just advertised one on sale and I'm going to bite the bullet and get it.
All I have to do is set it up on my computer desk and keep it on for 30 minutes while I'm on the computer. If it doesn't work, at least I tried something to take control. And, best case scenario, it might make a big difference in the way I feel. One reason to conquer this ailment is that I generally tend to eat more and slack off on exercise when I'm feeling down. But the best reason is that I deserve to feel good each and every day. I have the right to get up each morning no matter what the circumstance of the day and look forward to each moment of precious life.
I want to do everything and anything to start feeling good about me.
Friday, November 06, 2009
I made a platter of Truffle Brownie Cups to take to my hair stylist today...I go every 2-3 months for a trim or haircut and usually bring her a little baked treat.
This time, I loaded the recipe into the Spark recipe builder. One little truffle is 167 calories. But now I just have one, count it in, and make adjustments for the rest of the day. I can then eat it consciously, with awareness, and make the decision whether it is worth it or not. That's the key to success and the secret to maintaining balance in eating.
I have to add that it all takes place within the mind first. Success in losing weight is 99% mental. When my head was not in the right place, I would pop one after another in my mouth and then just feel guilty about it later. I was flabbergasted at how I could lose almost 40 pounds during one spring-fall and then backslide over the holidays and continue to spiral out of control for the next 2 years until I gained all the weight back.
I don't know how the switch takes place. I guess if I was able to figure it out, I could write a book and make millions! It's a very mysterious thing to me. For the past couple of years I desperately wanted to take the weight off but was not able to be consistent even two weeks in a row. Then, all of a sudden, something clicked and I'm finally back! I can feel the shift. I want to feel good inside and look good. I don't find it to be difficult to stick with healthier foods. I believe it to be more difficult to carry the extra weight and the burden of health concerns around with me 24/7.
I'm so happy to be in this place, especially just before the holiday season, which was my demise in 2007. This time, I can prove to myself that there is no ocassion that can detour me, and I'll feel so much better for sticking to my convictions and following my heart's desire to attain the best health I am able.
By the way, the Truffle Brownie Cup recipe is in my shared recipes if you want to give them a try. They're perfect to give away for Christmas. Or make them and freeze them, allowing one once in a while for an ocassional indulgence with a cup of tea. It's all in the awareness and making a conscious decision and creating balance.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
I was just reading some excerpts from a book titled "The Food Revolution: How Your Diet Can Help Save Your Life and Our World" by John Robbins and this phrase hit me like a ton of bricks...."how much pleasure is there in illness?"
I've spent a lifetime battling with foods and my emotional attachment to them. Every time I went on a quest to lose weight, I would abstain from the cake, cookies, candy and ice cream but would silently whine to myself about how difficult it was to give them up. I never truly meant to give them up permanently. How could I? They give me so much pleasure!
But this statement shines a new light upon it for me, especially since I've had recent health scares. John Robbins goes on to say "Who do you think enjoys life more, the person who is flourishing in vibrant health, eating a deliciously prepared yet simple meal of wholesome foods, or the person who is burdened by weight problems and high blood pressure gorging on steak and ice cream?"
It's often true that we take our health and feelings of well being for granted until it's gone. I don't want to have to get seriously ill in order to decide I have to change my eating habits.
I'm back to eating well and exercising and in just a few days am feeling a better sense of well being as well as emotional stability.
I'm going to need that strength because I do have a slight hurdle to go through and will feel much better once I get past it. In a couple weeks I have to have surgery to remove the skin cancer on my face. I met with my skin doctor and he said the best recommendation he can offer is to cut it out. All those years of laying out in the sun and one spring in 1988 of using a tanning bed....I didn't ever consider what the later consequences could be. Of all places, I had to get it on my face. It's on the side, about an inch from my ear lobe, so I'm hoping the scar won't show too much.
It's something that can be taken care of, but just hearing the "C" word in relation to my body makes me quiver. Makes me want to eat well and take in all the nutrients and phytochemicals that protect my body from illness. No, there is defintely NO pleasure in illness.
Friday, October 30, 2009
I am still perplexed as to why I sometimes eat like a person who does not care about their weight and their health. Because truly I do!
This afternoon I stopped at the store to pick up a few essentials and found myself buying a Reese's Big Cup and a Nutrageous bar. It's like I go temporarily into amnesia and forget about my goals and what's most important to me. It took all of 15 minutes to consume them and there was no lasting satisfaction from that.
I've still been having a problem with consistency. Most of the time, I eat a healthy breakfast and lunch and things don't go downhill until after dinner when the night munchies take over. Some days I do great the entire day, and then all of a sudden I have a difficult day and can't seem to get enough to eat. Once in a while (like today), I eat a little too much fat and also suffer from general over-consumption. Breakfast this morning was a scrambled egg w/ an ounce of low fat cheese, light english muffin with butter, and home fries. It would've been okay if I'd not put so much butter on the muffin and skipped the home fries. It was too much saturated fat and just too much food. Better yet would be to stick to my cooked oats with blueberries and cinnamon or Kashi heart to heart cereal with almond milk and some fruit or a green smoothie. When I eat a high nutrition-high fiber breakfast, the day doesn't unravel on me like it does when I eat a heavy breakfast. DH bought me a Ninja for my birthday because he sees how I practically burn up my blender trying to make smoothies and fruit sorbets. Earlier this week I used it to blend a frozen fruit smoothie that also had fresh spinach, kale and carrots in it. It was tasty and the best thing was that I instantly could feel the goodness and nourishment and a burst of energy after I drank it.
I'm still doing well with exercising. I've started back doing my T-Tapp toning. I'm starting back with just the 15 minute workout, but even getting back to doing that is very challenging and my muscles are screaming. I've been doing it every other day and it's already making an impact on my brain that I want to do it more and build up to doing the total 55 minute workout at least 4 times a week. When I was doing it regularly, I lost so many inches, particularly in my midsection, but also in my thighs and butt. This week's been rainy and cold, so I started back doing my Leslie Sansone collection of walking workout DVDs. I'm doing a 2 mile workout every day, and sweating like crazy. It's more intense than my outdoor walking. When I'm done, I feel teriffic.
I just ordered myself a heart monitor and should get it by next week. It's a Polar F6 in a green tea color. It'll keep me in my target zone and also accurately calculate how many calories I'm burning. I'm thinking it will help me get re-motivated into tracking my calories at least for a while since I'll now know how many calories I'm burning. It's a simple formula to figure out how many calories in - how many calories burned = 1-2 pounds of loss a week.
I've been hit and miss with watching my hypnosis DVD even though I know it works for me. I don't know why I am self sabotaging. I'll be darned if I know why I ate the candy. I need the self hypnosis to make it just as automatic for me to abstain from overeating as it's been automatic over the years for me to overeat. Maybe I don't have to know the whys. I just have to keep re-committing until it's cemented into my routine.
If I can keep getting back up and keep forging ahead, maybe the successful days will begin to outnumber the not-so-great days. To build new habits it takes repetition-repetition-repetition. It takes time. It takes patience and self acceptance. Once it clicks, success breeds more success and as the momentum grows, it gets easier. It's not all that long ago that I was trying on smaller clothes and so I remember how great that feels.
Tonight I'm making homemade split pea soup to have with a big salad. Today I received a sampler of 7 different Dr. Fuhrman vinegars. I think tonight I'll try the Wild Blueberry. I mix up a dressing of 3 Tbs. vinegar, 1 Tbs. dijon mustard, and 1 Tbs. pure maple syrup that is quite tasty, about 70 calories, and zero fat.
So, thumbing my nose at the candy, I chalk it up to a mistake and a past moment I can't undo but can rise up from and go beyond to do better from this moment on.
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