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heart attack

Saturday, May 18, 2013

i just found my husband on the floor.

the ambulance is transporting him now.
they think he has had a heart attack. please pray for us.

thank you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPYDOES 5/19/2013 10:15PM

    Thank you all so much. When I get a chance after he is home, I will thank you individually.
God bless you!

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KAYLSLYNN 5/19/2013 8:03PM

    M emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EMMACORY 5/19/2013 9:44AM

    Josie, your husband and you are in my prayers emoticon June

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DEBORAH2180 5/18/2013 10:05PM

    (((hugs))). Sending my prayers to you and your husband! Make sure to take care of yourself too!

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    OMG! I am sending many prayers to you that he is okay! HUGS!

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QUADCMOM 5/18/2013 8:32PM

    LIfting you and husband up in prayer.

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SANDRA2BSKINNY1 5/18/2013 6:20PM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and DH. emoticon

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3G1RLS4ME 5/18/2013 6:18PM

    Prayers sent your way,hope update is good

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WORKNPROGRESS49 5/18/2013 5:38PM

    Sending thoughts/prayers emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 5/18/2013 5:31PM

    How terrible! I will keep both of you in my thoughts and will wish and hope for the very best. Take good care of yourself too.

I am so very sorry to read this.

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GRAMMY_22 5/18/2013 5:19PM

    I will keep him in my prayers...and say a few for you too.

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JACKIE542 5/18/2013 4:40PM

    So sorry sending prayers. emoticon

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PURPLE180 5/18/2013 4:31PM

    Prayers for you both.

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MAWMAW101 5/18/2013 4:27PM

    Oh, I am so sorry! Prayers to you and him.

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ELLES26 5/18/2013 4:19PM


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I'm changing!

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Wow, what a difference a few weeks makes with a few SparkFriends alongside to encourage, uplift, and show me the way!

When I came here I was so discouraged.
My name was Fight4NewLife and my page was a real bummer to read.
I had no courage, no motivation, no expectation that I could do anything or that I would even remain here, let alone finish the race set before me.

Now, I am actually beginning to believe that I really CAN do it, and that I will remain with this for the long haul.

Thank you again, my friends, for all you have done to encourage me.
As I get stronger, I hope to also encourage you and others along the way as well.

Party on! emoticon
Mainly I feel determined to do it to prove everyone wrong....including my inner voice that says, "I won't because I can't."

But that voice is changing.
It doesn't say, "I can't," anymore. In fact, it doesn't say, "How can I do it?" It doesn't even say, "I can," either.
Now it says, "I will do it," and it's moving toward, "I will do it to the very best of my ability, and give it all I've got."

I noticed that I wanted to change the motivational pictures on my page as well.

I like this!

I'm really beginning to feel better about myself...stronger, more confident.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDRA2BSKINNY1 5/20/2013 12:34AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAYLSLYNN 5/19/2013 8:02PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EMMACORY 5/19/2013 2:26PM

    Attitude is everything! Yes, you can changes to yes, I know...to yes, let' do it. Cheering for you every step of the way. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SWEETNEEY 5/18/2013 2:16PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Letting Love Lead

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

As I was going to dance class two nights ago, I was thinking about my family of origin and still trying to work through the things that happened while I was out of state and how to turn all this stuff around.

I keep the Bible on CDs in my car and have been listening to 1 Corinthians 13 as much as possible lately. It helps me to work through a lot of my reactions to people. I like to listen to The Message version because I like the way is sounds.

Here it is in print:

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but donít love, Iím nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

2 If I speak Godís Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, ďJump,Ē and it jumps, but I donít love, Iím nothing.

3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I donít love, Iíve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, Iím bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesnít want what it doesnít have.
Love doesnít strut,
Doesnít have a swelled head,
Doesnít force itself on others,
Isnít always ďme first,Ē
Doesnít fly off the handle,
Doesnít keep score of the sins of others,
Doesnít revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

8-10 Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

11 When I was an infant at my motherís breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

12 We donít yet see things clearly. Weíre squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it wonít be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! Weíll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

13 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

As I was thinking about my family and feeling rather sad and frustrated that my family is so dysfunctional and isn't the way I would like it could be, I popped this CD into the player and began to listen. As I listened to the entire chapter, these lines seemed to be emphasized...and the last one was particularly empahsized:

"Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesnít want what it doesnít have."


"Love doesnít want what it doesnít have...."

I drove the rest of the way to class in silence as just let that one sentence bathe my family and my sadness.
And within about a minute or so, the sadness and frustration went away. Acceptance stepped into its rightful place for the first time ever.

Love doesn't want what it can't have.
I can't have a functional family, but I can love my family in spite of their dysfunction.
I can't have their respect, but I can love them in spite of the lack of it.
I can't change them, but I can change myself.
In changing myself, I can perhaps help to undo the damage I have caused in my own children and then they can also find ways to heal and change, and they can then teach their children how to be healthy and whole.
Then, just maybe, when my family of origin and the extended family sees my branch of the family functioning in a healthy way that is respectful of one another, they will want to be that way, too, and will seek to know how we changed.

And I will say, "I let love lead." (Then I'll teach them to do the same.)

Party on! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAWMAW101 5/15/2013 10:38AM

    All I can say is sometimes I am in awe that what you write is exactly what I know but am unable to put it out there! Don't know why except I was raised without much love and have definitely changed it for my own family. We hug and kiss and love greatly and my most joyous memory is of our 50th anniversary when we went to a cabin in Gatlinburg (all 23 of us plus one on the way) for a week of great fun! This summer they will bring tents and boats (we live by a gravel pit) for a weekend of fishing tournaments, corn hole tournaments, card games, wiener roasts and fish frys. I can't wait.
Because of my family of origin I do have problems with hanging on to my faith sometimes. I will hang on to yours in the meantime.

emoticon emoticon

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A_BIT_AT_A_TIME 5/15/2013 9:30AM

    Wow, that's powerful. Funny how things hit you when you've heard them a million times before and then Zing! the lightbulb comes on. "Love doesn't want what it can't have. " That's such an important lesson - good for you for being willing to hear it and turn it into something positive. emoticon

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Fear is my clue: Analyzing for change

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I decided to take a look at the things that are wrong in my life so that I can know how to change them for good.

In order to find balance in my life, I need to make changes in four areas each day:
4) SOUL(Emotional - Social - Creative)

Therefore, I have decided to keep my eyes open every day for fear. If I fear something, I will realize that it is something that needs to be worked on and changed.

Everyday from now on I will work on something in all four categories so that over time, I will have a balanced life that full and vibrant.

My real name means, "He shall add a pearl." I like that, and I accept it as a promise from my Creator.

Today, I walked 2.4 miles (PHYSICAL). While I did so, I listened to two days worth of the Daily Audio Bible (SPIRITUAL). I also made two phone calls to maintain social contact with people I love, made arrangements to clean the church I attend one week per month, and agreed to socialize with my dance teacher...someone I haven't socialized with before. This means I will expand my friendships over time with her. I am also going to go to Memphis tomorrow night with her, and I just called my close friend to make plans for a standing date each month for Girls' Night Out at my house (which all attacks my social phobia with a vengeance) (SOUL).

Finally, I am tracking my food, but my food choices are limited right now with my husband off work. Therefore, the best I can do is watch my calories rather than choose really nutritious foods. (NUTRITIONAL) I do have some fruit and a few fresh veggies. There are some canned goods but they tend to have high sodium counts so I have to be careful there.

As I grow more courageous, I will be able to stand up for myself when my husband goes grocery shopping with me. As it is, I usually don't say much when he puts the food in the cart that he wants to eat and I skip the nutritious stuff I like to eat because I know he won't eat it. I know that sounds like an excuse, but I also know he won't eat kale, collards, broccoli, or any of those other veggies that I really like to eat, and we cannot afford to buy everything that we both like right now, so I will eat what he likes and just watch my calories until he gets back to work.

Anyway, I am making progress.
One day at a time.

Party on! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPYDOES 5/14/2013 9:53PM

    I just wanted to add that this past week everything snowballed on me. I usually don't cry in public, and I can usually hide my social phobia behind my Fibromyalgia which keeps me indoors a lot or gives me a good excuse for breaking engagements.

The things I mentioned in the last comment have been spread across the last 4 years so it isn't like I do these things in public all the time.

I say that my family (of origin) thinks I'm a nutjob. Maybe that is just my perception since I don't live anywhere near them and they only see me about two times per year, if that much.

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify these things.

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HAPPYDOES 5/14/2013 7:07PM

    Maybe I will write that book someday, MawMaw. If I do, it will probably be after my parents have died. I don't ever want to hurt them.

Thank you. And, I understand how you feel, but my life has become unbearable. I have closed down so much and closed out almost everyone. My family thinks I'm a nutjob, and I think my dad may have written me off this past week.

I have to change. It is just that simple. When being in a group of people, even my own family makes me so nervous that I walk on eggshells and break down in tears just to relieve the pressure, I definitely need to change.

When I am so concerned about embarrassing myself every time I am in public that I cancel appointments, or drop out of college because I am afraid to write a paper and turn it in, or walk out of a painting class just because someone brought out a camera...this is too much.

And when it begins to cause me to even doubt God and His love for me, then I know I have crossed a line that should never be crossed, and I have got to change.

My life has become a living hell because of social phobia.

The good news is I know The Redeemer and He will help me. emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/14/2013 9:33:40 PM

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MAWMAW101 5/14/2013 5:00PM

Don't know if you are keeping a copy of your blogs as you continue on your great adventure but someday you will write the most awesome inspirational book! Those Monks will be proud!
P.S. Thanks for my balloons.

Comment edited on: 5/14/2013 5:04:53 PM

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JOANNATR0001 5/14/2013 4:42PM

    I admire you. I am pretty frightened myself. And the vision of meeting people that, I guess, are my friends freaks me out. I hate socializing. As much as I like to help people at work (I work in services), I really hate going out... Maybe that benefited to yhe weight problem?
Stay safe on your path!

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After a Rough Start: Living Up to My Name

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

It's been a rough start here at SP.
I apologize because I feel as though when people see my page and then read my blog, they may feel as if they've been duped.

However, I chose my screen name for a reason and that reason is because I do have many problems to overcome. My names helps me to remember that Happy is as Happy does.

My name and the party balloons help me to keep moving forward, to not close up, shut down, run away, or live in denial. Instead, I can face my problems head-on, knowing that if I just stand my ground and keep moving forward, I will overcome them. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And I am learning to embrace fear, take it's energy from it, and use it to compel me forward toward physical, mental, and spiritual health.

I like that. It's a high that isn't destructive.

And I feel happy when I have overcome my fear and lived up to my name.

Party on! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IACTA_ALEA_EST 5/14/2013 9:00AM

    You never have to apologize for the struggle!

(but if you use salty language you will probably have to say sorry for that...)

Old habits dont go away without a fight, and so to the worthy struggle! emoticon

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AUNTB63 5/14/2013 8:42AM

    I think YOU have a great name and attitude towards it. Living life is not all fun and games, but when we have reminders around us (like your name and Spark Page) we can look at each day with a smile and keep moving forward. Hope your day is a good one. Stay happy and smile..... emoticon

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WALLINMW 5/14/2013 8:41AM

  Stay motivated! One day, one pound at a time.

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LIFETIMER54 5/14/2013 8:38AM

  KEEP GOING FORWARD.... emoticon

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