Thursday, April 25, 2013
I have been listening to SparkRadio and I think it is such a great thing!
Lily and Karen are fun to listen to and motivational as well.
I have been listening to Episode 20 about Spring Cleaning.
I really enjoy it when Spring comes around with a breath of fresh air to blow away the Winter blues. My Fibromyalgia is always worse during Winter. I have more pain, fatigue, fibrofog, and depression during these three months than any other time of the year and so I count the days until Spring and cheer myself all Winter long with the saying, "This, too, shall pass."
There was something that Lily (I think) said, on Spark Radio, about decluttering, "Let go of one thing every day: the more you let go of, the easier it is to let go of the extra weight."
I've been really thinking about that because I have been wanting to declutter for a long time...the easy way: with a bulldozer!
It isn't that I'm a hoarder, it is simply that I don't want to go through the painful process of decluttering piece by piece.
Just like I don't want to go through the painful process it take EVERY DAY to lose each and every ounce that makes up each and every pound that I have to lose.
So I avoid it.
Well, today while I was in the kitchen cleaning, I picked up a wooden box full of tea bags. It has been sitting on my counter for about two years...no, make it four. I haven't taken a bag of tea out of that box in more than a year. When I picked up and started for the trash can, I hesitated to throw it away.
I thought, "Wait, I might can use this box for something else."
Then, I heard another voice...a stronger voice that I haven't heard in long time, say, "No! I want my freedom more than I want this stupid box!"
I didn't realize how far I had fallen from what I used to be....just by accepting obesity and fibromyalgia as my lot in life. I really liked hearing that voice again. The one that used to fight back against adversity...the one that didn't give up so easily. I thought she was gone forever. In fact, I didn't even remember what she sounded like anymore.
Thank you, Lily and Karen!
Thank you, SparkGuy!
Thank you for the wake up call and for the motivation and for everything else you give to help me in my weight loss journey.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
I'm a stress eater.
Yesterday I received two big emotional whammies and since then I have really been struggling to stay out of the junk food.
I'm really tired right now because I couldn't sleep last night.
I got up at 2:30AM this morning and when I dozed off again some time around 6AM, I had a nightmare that woke me up again right away.
I think it's time for a walk.
(edit: I got ready for the walk but it's started storming.
I think I'll settle in and watch a good chick flick or comedy and laugh.)
Friday, April 19, 2013
I read a blog today titled "Poll: Are Negative Usernames Helpful or Self-Defeating?"
I agree that negative usernames can work against us.
This blog has to do with something subtle that I picked up on in that blog. The fact that the blogger included the names "FATGIRL" and "IMSOFAT" in the same category as "UGLYME", although the people who chose these usernames may, indeed, have felt negatively about themselves, caused me to think about the general hatred in our society toward fat people.
I sometimes refer to myself as fat, but I see it simply as a fact, rather than something that has negative emotions attached to it anymore.
As I said in my last blog entry, for years I hated my body, but when I suddenly realized that my body had showed up every single day to faithfully serve me despite the harsh conditions I had subjected it to (anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive overeating), and that it had done so for over 50 years, my point of view suddenly changed, and I took compassion on my body.
Now, although I admit that I am fat, I also love my body for its faithful service to me, and I treat it as well as I can every day. Since I started to doing that, the weight has begun to fall off without the emotional struggle with food that I always had.
I hope that the hatred of fat people will stop and that we will begin to see their bodies as amazing and faithful servants, just like the bodies of thin people. After all, body is a body, whether fat or thin, and it is designed to walk, talk, sit, stand, sing, dance, play, work, hug, and do all kinds of AMAZING things.
I hope America can get past this hatred of fat people because it really doesn't help anyone.
So hug a fat person today and tell them how amazing their body is!
Perhaps it will help us all realize that when it all comes down, a body is just a body, and we all need to be loved and accepted.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
I think I'm doing well. I am pretty sure I have already reached my first goal of 5 pounds and will be starting another weight loss ticker when I weigh in on Sunday.
My greatest accomplishment, though, has been in my ability to love myself as a fat person.
I have always been a perfectionist and so have been very harsh with myself if I didn't do everything perfectly. Just recently, though, I suddenly realized that my body has been my faithful servant for my entire life. It has served me faithfully, performing every task that I have demanded of it, to the best of it's ability, every single time, without hesitation, and under very harsh conditions and even abuse. I have forced it to eat foods that were not good for it, forced more food on it than it needed, withheld food from it for days and weeks on end, forced it to eat far too much food and then forced it to get rid of that food in the most violent ways, and then forced it to exercise under extreme stress. And still it has shown up every single day for more abuse to perform to the best of its ability for over 50 years.
When I realized that, I took compassion on my body and changed the way I view myself. And I began to love myself.
Now, I CAN lose weight without all the emotional struggle with food that I have had all these years because I want to be kind to my faithful servant. After all, it deserves it for all it has done to take care of me.
So yeah, I may have only lost about 5 pounds so far of the 80 I need to lose, but the progress I've made in loving my body for the first time in my life is HUGE!
LOVE makes all the difference in the world.
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