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To-do list from hell.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

A lot of you guys gave me great advice. Unfortunately, I already do a lot of what you said.

I have a super busy day today- Christmas sort of crept up on me and I realized I didn't have any of my presents for my family yet. I also need to deep clean my apartment because we're going to Phoenix next week and two people are coming over to feed my cat and, as usual, my apartment is a mess. I still have a headache and really didn't wake up in a better mood than I've felt all week, but I need to push through it.

My daunting to-do list:
1. Clean my apartment (which of course includes many things, such as vacuuming, doing my dishes, dusting), which is the most daunting part of this to-do list because it's going to take me hours.
2. Go to Michaels for Christmas present supplies
3. Go to Petsmart for kitty food and litter
4. Go to Piggly Wiggly to refill my 2.5 gal water jug (.39 a refill, can't beat that)
5. Go to Trader Joe's to get mainly produce, just enough to get me through the week
6. Workout - EA Sports Active 2 Cardio Kickstart Day 3, Cardio Sculpt and the 20 minute dumbbell workout all on my agenda
7. Laundry - doubt I'll have time to go over to my parents' house and do this... but I desperately hope I do.

Needless to say a to-do list like this is enough to make anyone crazy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DESERTJULZ 12/17/2012 8:42AM

    Sounds like a lot of calorie-burning to me. ;)

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COXBETH 12/17/2012 1:18AM

    That's a crazy busy day for a "rest" day. :) I'm in the same frantic feeling as you and love seeing a lot of the ideas all the comments have. At some time or another I've used them all. Nowdays, I have to be very careful to just not end up spending two hours planning to attack my day rather than just attacking it.

Oh, and now that it's after midnight, it's about time for me to get started on #4 on my list of ten thousand things to do...sigh.

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IMREITE 12/17/2012 12:40AM

    i keep dried and canned fruit for emergency snacks. xmas snuck up on me too. fortunatly i am not doing a lot of baking this year and i only am going to make 1 more baych of cookies.

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DIANER2014 12/16/2012 11:01PM

    You do have a lot to do. Do the best you can! emoticon emoticon

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LAFEMMEDELALUNE 12/16/2012 10:37PM

    Oh my gosh, this looks like my list!

The only difference is that I haven't had a headache, I just haven't been getting much sleep. I kept telling myself, "Tomorrow I will feel better; I will start tomorrow."

Do you think maybe two votes is enough to get the dates of the holidays pushed back a bit?? xD

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WEEPINGANGEL74 12/16/2012 8:29PM

    Sounds a lot like mine! Good luck!!

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PLATINUM755 12/16/2012 5:17PM

    There is a lot on the list, and but never say never until you can't do anything more. The list may not be in order but here's a suggestion - a 'how I would do it". Get some good rest the night before, then move #6 to #1. Playtime is good for you and can give you energy. What can be done together, like 2-5 that don't require a lot of social interaction with others (I usually go to the furthest and work my way back home; if some stores are open earlier than others, that's another way to decide which to hit first and there will less people around to slow you down). All that leaves now is housework/laundry and they go hand-in-hand.

It can be done and with a little planning, with minimal stress to you. emoticon

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CARRAND 12/16/2012 4:42PM

    That IS a lot for one day. Sometimes I clean house by setting a timer in each room (10 to 15 minutes) and cleaning that room for that period of time, then moving on. It really focuses me on the important tasks and keeps me moving.

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JUMPINJULIE 12/16/2012 4:34PM

    Just do the best you can.

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RHEYNKLW 12/16/2012 3:47PM

    Heck of a list, but at least several of these things are fun, and it feels great checking things off, doesn't it?

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OFFICIALOLDY 12/16/2012 2:45PM

    Clean your apartment really, really fast and hard then log those minutes (or hours) as fitness minutes. That's what I do. Listing helps me keep track of things that need to be done. I make the list as specific as possible (clean off the table, dust the table, dust the chairs, etc) then I get a feeling of satisfaction when I have a long checklist completed and I know I didn't forget anything. I have a huge list right now, because the Christmas countdown got away from me too. We'll get done what we get done - and that will be enough. Be kind to yourself through all this - that's the most important thing!

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CANDICE293 12/16/2012 2:33PM

    You can do it Lindsey, you do indeed have quite the list but I bet you'll get more done then you think you will.

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JULESJET 12/16/2012 2:11PM

    Just try and see how much you achieve! I'll bet you can do most of it in pretty short order... all the shopping at once would be good for combining several things on your list. Do you have a heartrate moniter? You can track some of your cardio that way as you vacuum instead of doing one of your routines... Or you could look up some of the articles on sparkpeople... I think cleaning takes about 20 minutes to burn 100 calories... look up some of the articles, they might help you feel better!

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I've got nothing.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

I really don't have much to say. I'm apparently doing something completely wrong - and I can't figure out what it is. I see people losing 1-2 pounds a week, even a half a pound, and it just makes me sad.

Because I lose nothing.

That's right. I've lost nothing since I joined Spark. Exactly 4 weeks ago.

I changed my diet a couple of days before I rejoined Spark - and lost 2 pounds - and for four solid weeks, despite meeting 5/6 or 6/6 nutrition ranges every day, exercising almost every day, and being as varied as possible in my meals and in my workouts - I've lost nothing. Nada.

I've had a really bad week emotionally, but I didn't overeat. I did most things right this week, considering. I'm still not doing well in that department and I'm almost at the point where I desperately ask people what on earth I do just to survive. Because I feel like a fraud - like I'm just pretending to stay afloat in life.

Before I continue to ramble... I really came here to say I've got nothing. I'm going to Trader Joe's tomorrow with my mom, I found a bunch of new healthy smoothie recipes (all of which I grouped and entered into Spark earlier) and a few quinoa dishes to try, so hopefully on December 22nd, I'll see some sort of deficit on the scale. I won't give up. I won't stop what I'm doing. I won't stop strength training, playing my EA Sports game, or anything else. I'm just really sad that I really have seen no progress. I can feel a few muscles here and there, but literally that's the only progress, in four weeks, I can feel. That's kind of lame.

Hopefully for my sake and yours I'm in better spirits soon.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 12/16/2012 5:00PM

    Hang in there! You don't have as much to lose as some people do, so the loss will be slower. Water weight gain can affect you too, especially at certain times of the month. Make sure you are weighing and measuring your food. Don't just guess. Portion size makes a huge difference.

I'm glad you're not giving up!

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JUMPINJULIE 12/16/2012 4:32PM

    I'm sorry that the scale has not moved.

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WEEPINGANGEL74 12/16/2012 11:35AM

    emoticon my scale hasn't really been moving much lately either so I feel your frustration. One thing I noticed early in the program, like someone else said, I wasn't eating enough for the amount of excercise I was doing. Bumping up my calorie intake, which was hard, did help for awhile. Have you emailed your sparkcoach for guidance? I don't know if they can help or not. Worth a try perhaps? emoticon

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LISAN0415 12/16/2012 2:44AM

    P.S. I wrote the following tips that I learned and that have helped me so far on my journey- maybe one or two of them are something you haven't done yet and can try:
also I read the biggest key to weight loss is my eating- it's 80-90% of weight loss and the other 10-20% is exercise and activity.

confidential to any spiritual Sparkers, I know Prayer has truly helped me, God has been with me during this journey, giving me strength, and will power I didn't know I had, remmeber to invite him into your heart and your life (this is truly number1)

2. a. (Of Course) Getting my calorie range from Spark and tracking it daily and staying within my range
b. Going to low end of my range 3 days before a special dinner or party (to combat any extra goodies)

3. Drinking a glass of water right after I wake up and right after I go to the bathroom and weigh myself, I do this 15-30 minutes before breakfast to wash any extra toxins out.

4. Eating 5 times a day (within my calorie range) instead of twice like I used to. I have read many articles saying that makes our metabolism "furnace" burn all day instead of just a couple bursts a day.

5. Using my pedometer to get 10,000 steps a day.

6. Choosing Sugar free or low sugar options. I have not deprived myself of carbs- I still have pasta, bread, but I make sure it fits within my range and I try to eat it earlier in the day at breakfast or lunch, because it is less filling.

7. Increasing my fiber, and its so important to eat at least 5 servings of veggies/fruits a day)
there were days before I only ate 1-2 TRUE servings a veggies (it turns out that no, lettuce on my sandwich wasn't a full serving of veggies, LOL)

8. Eating a protein with any carb- I read it processes better, so like with an apple I eat a low fat string cheese

9. If I have a choice between Fat free or sugar free (like in dressings or pudding) I choose Sugar-free, fat is necessary for vitamin absorption.

10. Not drinking any calories- no juice, no soda, and I am not an alcohol drinker. i DRINK 8-10 GLASSES OF WATER daily!

11. Taking my vitamins, especially my Omega-3s and Vitamin D, it helps the fat cells release excess fat instead of hold on to it (I get mine from GNC)

12. Chewing gum or drinking water when I am unexpectedly hungry. I honestly evaluate my hunger, if I am physically hungry where my stomach is growling, or I feel a little shaky, I eat a healthy snack (60 calorie low fat String cheese and carrot sticks or something like that) , I DON'T DEPRIVE MYSELF, even if it is before bed. I don't deprive myself. I ask myself : "On a scale of 1-10, how physically hungry am I?"

13. Bringing healthy snacks with me, so I won't overindulge or go to the drive through (snacks like low fat string cheese, 100 calorie pack of almonds, fiber one 90 calorie bar, yogurt, banana)

14. Eating a small meal before going to the grocery store and any party or dinner out. This way I won't over Indulge.

15. Bringing my lunch with me to work, and healthy snacks. I stay away from that vending machine! I even make sure I don't have singles.

and I can't say this one enough for anyone just getting starting (most Sparkers know this tip) The one thing that has helped me consistently lose weight every week is Tracking everything! It doesn't take more than a few minutes, and I plan one day ahead what I will eat

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LISAN0415 12/16/2012 2:33AM

    I read someone elses blog and she said she hadn't lost weight in 3 weeks, and then she looked at her Spark Calorie range which was 1500-1850, and she decided that was too high, she changed it to 1250-1500 and stayed closer to around 1300 and lost 2 lbs that week.

Maybe SparkPeople gave you too many calories?


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IMREITE 12/16/2012 2:27AM

    my husband said i looked like i lost weight, but i actually gained on the scale, although my clothes fit better. it is always possible that you are gaining some muscle.

i have found that when i gain it is because i am not tracking the correct portion size. i start measuring my food and generally find i was eating 2 or 3 servings of some things or spending too much time on my butt in front of the computer\.

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PEZMOM1 12/15/2012 11:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DESERTJULZ 12/15/2012 11:03PM

    Hugs! It is so hard not to see the scale moving. Not sure how much you have to lose -- TRYINGTOCLOSE64 is right, someone with a lot of weight to lose will hit higher pound losses than someone with 15-20 pounds. Don't know where you are on the journey.

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CHERRYCHEER 12/15/2012 10:53PM

  Are you tracking your measurements? If you are feeling your muscles, it sounds like they are either growing or the fat above them is diminishing. It has to be frustrating to not see the scale move, but maybe you can find some encouragement in smaller measurements instead.

But, if you aren't losing inches or weight, maybe you need to tinker with your program. Is it possible with all of your cardio and strength that you are burning too much more than you are taking in? Have you tried calorie cycling at all?

Don't lose faith. Since restarting Sparkpeople a week ago, I have found your determination very encouraging. I fully believe we both can meet our goals if we don't give up.

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 12/15/2012 9:02PM

    you have to remember that someone that is losing 1 to 2 pounds a week could have a much higher BMI then you do. If you are close to goal weight then you are not going to lose like someone who has over 100 pounds to lose.

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SUNSHINE65 12/15/2012 8:28PM

    And your inches have all remained the same?

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Thursday, December 13, 2012

I put a heart in my subject so it erased my entire entry! Well then. I had to write a separate blog today to say happy birthday to my #1 hero.

If you don't know who Tom DeLonge is, you will. I'll video blog about him on January 13th. You'll see why. He is, among other things, a musician I have liked for like 13, 14 years. But his music REALLY impacted my life nearly 7 years ago.

So then I decided to just show you the other three people I consider heroes of mine for different reasons.

I know none of you are shocked about this.

Or this. If I was gay I would totally swoon after Rachel Maddow. I'm straight and I swoon for her, who am I kidding? I want to BE her. Or her girlfriend.

Buuut this one might surprise you. No, this isn't a mistake. I meant to upload a picture of W. GWB is really #2 under Tom in terms of the impact he has had on my life. I know it makes no sense on the surface, me being a shameless Democrat, crushing on Rachel Maddow and adoring Barack Obama. I assure you I adore GWB too. And I'm not insane. I have my reasons. Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime.

But I digress. Off to bed. Or at least, to get in bed and read.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 12/14/2012 3:46PM

    I'd like to hear about your reasons for including GWB. He does seem like an odd choice, but I'm not criticizing.

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X5X52000 12/14/2012 1:39PM


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FUZZIEBEAR3 12/14/2012 9:51AM

    emoticon Seems that you have put thought into this, I like that you have a wide representation there.

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PATTYKLAVER 12/14/2012 6:17AM

    I love that the people you admire are so diversified.

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 12/14/2012 1:12AM

    Having people to admire and look up to is a great motivator.

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WEEPINGANGEL74 12/13/2012 11:01PM

    emoticon Don't get the GWB part but that's ok! It's what motivates you that matters.

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Thursday, December 13, 2012

emoticon My depression tires me out. I'm the only one in my family to have it, and while my parents want to understand it, they really don't. They believe a lot of the common myths about depression and anxiety. They question why I have either because "I have a good life". Or, my dad thinks I'm depressed "because my brother has a girlfriend and I don't have a boyfriend". (I'm not saying I ENJOY that my brother 6 years my junior has a 2+ year relationship when I've never had a relationship that lasted more than 3 months, but that isn't it.) It's hard to put into words what having either feels like, especially when my parents ask me on a "good" day. You just have to have it. You just have to be able to personally relate. But they can't, so I pretend like my anti depressants are working. I pretend like I don't get depression and anxiety that debilitates me. I put on a fake smile for the world, and on days I can't, I crawl into my bed with Paisley and pretty much stay there until the pain dies down. Or I sleep so long I can't sleep anymore. But it's exhausting hiding. It's exhausting faking it. I do it for everyone's own good - everyone's except my own. I've already tried two different kinds of anti depressants, and increased the dosage of the latter. It messes up my sleeping patterns and I still get depression far too often for my liking. I trust my parents but yet I can't reach out to them about this. They just get frustrated which they turn into anger towards me (though I know they aren't TRULY angry with me). I can't go to the doctor and pay $200 for her to prescribe me another medication that may or may not work. I'm just sick of this. I'm tired. I had depression undiagnosed for about a decade, and anxiety undiagnosed for 6 years. But being diagnosed makes things worse, in some aspects.

emoticon I didn't go to work today. My toilet DID overflow (and still isn't working properly; it's clear simple plunging doesn't solve the problem) and flooded my bathroom floor right before I was going to get dressed for work. It was sort of a huge blessing because I was able to honestly say I had to clean up my bathroom and couldn't come in. I dried my floor and proceeded to lay down, not feeling like doing a damn thing. At 1, I decided I'd give myself 15 more minutes to feel sorry for myself and then get out of bed. Here I am. On my couch. Digesting my lunch. I'm going to refill my Camelbak, put on some workout clothes, and do every single strength video I logged today plus do day 2 of my EA Sports Active 2 game. I'm hoping I at least have a feeling of accomplishment when I complete all of that. But in reality, I need to clean my apartment so I can have someone come in to fix my toilet, which will add a few hours to my day. None of this is a big deal but I get really overwhelmed about small things, especially when small things start to add up.

emoticon I've rambled on enough for now. Going to do one of the Spark videos and get going.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUZZIEBEAR3 12/14/2012 10:02AM

    I hope you like your EASA2 workout, and that it helps to make you feel better! They are tough workouts I think, but then it is such a sense of accomplishment.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RISINGSUN2013 12/14/2012 8:38AM

I related to your blog big time. I get overwhelmed about small things that add up too. Just wanted you to know there are others like you out there.

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EVEMG12 12/14/2012 7:52AM


I suffer from depression and anxiety as well, so I know how you feel. And I feel you about the little things adding up and becoming overwhelming. It's frustrating when people just dont get it, they don't understand why you cant just snap out of it and get it together.

I hope your day got better, and that doing the videos relieved some anxiety and stress. Thinking about you and wishing you all the best!

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WEEPINGANGEL74 12/13/2012 11:05PM

    Depression and anxiety suck, I have both as well and hate them. Hope your day got better!

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BHSKITTYKATT 12/13/2012 9:09PM

    I do understand what you're going through. I commend you for blogging it and letting it all out. I'll often have something typed up, and then close the window or hit "Delete". You have a lot more courage than I do to hit the "Submit" button.

Take care. Enjoy your new game! Hopefully that will bring some good energy.

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CARRAND 12/13/2012 7:50PM


I've never really suffered from depression, although I have had panic attacks, for which I occasionally take xanax. My heart goes out to you.

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GAYLE73 12/13/2012 7:28PM

    Yikes! Sounds just awful. Thanks for sharing. I don't have this problem but hearing what you suffer will make me be more sympathetic to others that have the same condition. emoticon

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    Your blog just saddens me because I know exactly what it's like to have to "put on a act." I did that for years and years and then when I finally told my parents, they belittled me and said some of the same cr@p all people that don't understand say. "But you have so much to be thankful for!" and "Snap out of it!" My father also cussed at me and threatened to take me to the state institution so I could see what people with mental problems REALLY look like - he said they'd be playing in their own feces. I know I've mentioned this before and if it was to you, sorry for the replay.

Anyway, the point is that I had suffered through hell in silence for years and finally got the courage to tell the people who were "supposed" to love me (that's a whole other story) that I was sick and needed help and they punished me for it.

I don't think you should have to put on an act. I don't think you should have to pretend that the meds are helping, if they aren't. I think you should go to a psychologist or psychiatrist and tell them what's going on with your parents and then make your parents go to the next visit with you. They obviously don't have a clue about what depression is all about and they need to be educated so that they can be a support to you instead of a hindrance.

It's like another person who commented said, it's a chemical imbalance - it's no different than if you were diagnosed with diabetes. I wish you could tell them that and I wish they'd "get" it. If you were diagnosed with a physical illness, I bet they'd get it and it's the same thing!
There's really no excuse for your parents to be so ignorant about depression in this day and age with such open access to the internet.

Sometimes it takes a while to find the right medication, or dosage, or combination of medications. Don't give up - you deserve to live a better life than this. If you can't afford to get help - I know one of the leaders/co-leaders that has good info about that - SLIMMERKIWI

I'm so, so sorry for you - I've been there and it's just not fair. emoticon

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KRYS210 12/13/2012 4:25PM

    Depression is often a chemical imbalance. You can't help it anymore than catching a cold! Clearly that medicine is not helping, do you not have a different dr. you can try? It might be worth the money to feel alive again, in my opinion.
Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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MOM2ACAT 12/13/2012 4:14PM

    emoticon It's easy to get overwhelmed by the small stuff when you don't feel good. I hope doing your video energizes you and makes you feel better!

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IMOJANE 12/13/2012 3:35PM

    Ah man...I completely know what you're going through and sometimes it is really hard to see the wood for the trees and you just feel like a ton of bricks are weighing you down. And it sounds like you actually needed that time today.

I wonder if there are people in your life who do understand and who it would be possible to see when you feel like this? Not necessarily to talk about it, but almost just to distract you, to watch a film or chill out with. My mother struggles with depression and that is something I know helps her. Sometimes, she just comes round and cooks and cleans just because it makes her feel better and she knows she doesn't want to be in her flat.

Remember the things that do make you happy and try to do at least one of them on these types of days. It's really not helpful that your family find it difficult to understand, because that's very detrimental to you. Do you have a doctor or someone you speak to that they might be able to get more information from? It's actually something I would suggest because people who don't udnerstand can get very irritating and make these types of days worse!

Anyway, I hope you have a nice evening and that you've still managed to eat one healthy thing today :)

Take care thinking of you

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Major fail.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

emoticon Since posting this I decided I really felt too terrible to do any of the fitness I scheduled for today (aside from the Deck of Cards game, which I did earlier). I hope I feel much better tomorrow so I can do what I scheduled for today plus what I wanted to do tomorrow. The video blog will come at some point, or tomorrow I'll just write out my review. Sorry guys.

emoticon Happy Aaron Rodgers Day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUMPINJULIE 12/14/2012 3:08AM

    Feel better.

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PEZMOM1 12/13/2012 2:07PM


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OSDOWNS 12/13/2012 8:00AM

    Feel better!

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WEEPINGANGEL74 12/12/2012 9:21PM

    Feel better!! Migraines and their wrath are hell!!

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DJ4HEALTH 12/12/2012 8:43PM

    When you are sick then you need to rest and get better. You can always work out when you feel better. So you did not fail, you need to get better and then work out.

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COXBETH 12/12/2012 8:06PM

    Glad you are taking care of yourself by (1) getting in A workout and (2) resting when your body says to. Take care!!!!

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HOPERESTORED226 12/12/2012 7:35PM


Feel better, and be kind to yourself.

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SONJITD 12/12/2012 6:55PM

    I agree with JULESJET. Don't push yourself too hard. Rest is the best thing for a migraine. I usually feel better after a short nap. I hope your migraine doesn't last too long.

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JULESJET 12/12/2012 6:48PM

    Hope you make it through the workouts, but don't push yourself too hard. Feel better!

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