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My mother-in-law died this morning.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Thank you to everyone for your support. My mother-in-law decided almost two weeks ago to go into home hospice care because she was diagnosed with renal failure. (My husband and his younger brother were able to persuade her to go to the hospital to get evaluated.) She decided she did not want to prolong her life in a painful way. She died this morning. My younger brother-in-law was with her. She died with courage. I'm sure she's already connected with her husband and is hollering at him about his choice of cloud color!

I wish that she had not died on Mother's Day, as this day will forever be tied to her death in the minds of her three sons. I want them to remember the vibrant woman who did such a fantastic job raising them. I will remember the wonderful woman who welcomed me into her home and life when I started to date her middle son. She was wonderful to me. I was truly blessed to have her in my life these last 20 years.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IDLETYME 8/1/2011 8:45PM

    That is a lovely tribute! Prayers to your family.


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KITKATSGRACE 8/1/2011 7:31PM

    I am so sorry this happened. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

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SYLBA61 7/21/2011 6:57PM

    I just read the blog about your mother-in-law. First, I am so sorry for your family's loss. Second, your husband and his brothers should not be saddened on the Mother's Days to come. They should celebrate the life they shared with their mother. She sounds like a special lady. Thank you for sharing her with us.

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RAD062010 7/16/2011 11:19AM

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Bless you for supporting your loved one in their choice. (I worked for a hospice - they can really make a difference - I believe that people should be able to choose.)

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LARIESHA 5/12/2011 4:01PM

    Sorry for your loss. May GOD be with you and your family forever and always.

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NANAELEE55 5/8/2011 8:33PM

    I am so sory for your loss. My condolences and prayers are with you and your family.

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MRE1956 5/8/2011 8:29PM

    Oh, my.....of all the days......I am so, so sorry.....

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LATTELICIOUS 5/8/2011 7:04PM

    Very sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers for you and the whole family.

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STEPHIT1 5/8/2011 7:01PM

    It's times like these, when we lose a loved one, that it's good to remember we will see each other again because Jesus Christ overcame death for us. Job 14:14 and Job 19:25, 26. May that be your remembrance on the anniversary of your loved one's passing.

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TRIGFROST 5/8/2011 6:56PM

    Sorry for your loss,
--- but it's a "Beautiful Day for her w./ Her Lord...

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EMMAANDBRODY 5/8/2011 6:26PM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I will prayer for you and your family.

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WILDFLOWERS15 5/8/2011 6:23PM

    So sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.
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MOM2ACAT 5/8/2011 4:55PM

    emoticon I am sorry for your loss.

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GRANNYSUE9 5/8/2011 2:53PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. MIL's are very special to us too! Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless all of you.

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THISYEARSMODEL 5/8/2011 2:33PM

    Sending good vibes to you and your family, with hope that you all find comfort in the fact that she left on her own terms...with courage, as you said. emoticon

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JENNFIELDS4 5/8/2011 2:33PM

    So sorry for your loss..Many hugs and prayers your way.

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FITFIRST41 5/8/2011 2:23PM

    My most sincerest sympathies goes out to you, your husband, his siblings and all of the lives your mother-in-law touched.

Having the wonderful memories will be the best way for your family to celebrate the gift of the life you were able to share with her.

Blessings to you all

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DISP715 5/8/2011 2:22PM

    So sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

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I'm worried about my mother-in-law

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks. My mother-in-law is 83 years old. At the end of July last year she lost her husband of 59 years to a heart problem. She has been so ANGRY at him for dying. He tried so hard NOT to die. He was trying to exercise to build his strength so he could get an operation to repair the heart valve, virtually until the day he died. Even when he was delirious, he was "talking" to doctors and asking what he needed to do to get the operation. (He thought he was on the phone with the doctors but he was addressing the air.)

I am married to my mother-in-law's middle son. She has three children, all sons. Two live within a half-hour drive; the other lives 5 hours away. My husband takes his mother out (and usually I go as well) on Thursday night and on Sunday for a meal. His local brother takes her out on Monday and Friday. We all frequently call her.

About 16 months ago she had a hysterectomy due to uterine cancer. She flatly refused chemotherapy and/or radiation. At the time, her surgeon believed that, without those therapies, she may live for an additional 2 years.

Her feet are swelling and she says she has the flu. She will NOT let anyone take her to the doctor or an ER. My older sister-in-law is a nurse and she feels my mother-in-law desperately needs to be seen. But she will not go. A paramedic I spoke to says they cannot treat her without her consent, as long as she is capable of giving it. So calling an ambulance is out.

I know she is lonely and misses her husband. (In spite of the fact that they seemed to spend most of their time bickering! Even the "boys" say that they are surprised their parents' marriage lasted as long as it did.) I also believe that she has the right to die if that is her conscious desire. She is not mentally incapacitated. We all believe that she is fully aware of the potential consequences of her inactions/actions in this matter.

I am afraid for my husband because he takes everything so hard. He is barely sleeping and is so afraid that he will go over and she will be dead in her bed. I don't know how to help her or my husband, except by letting him talk to me about how he's feeling.

I know this has been a rather long post. Thank you for reading it and for passing along any thoughts you may have.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEGOODSTUFF24 4/22/2011 12:03AM

    I cannot even imagine what you are going through and for what it's worth, I'm so sorry. My husband had a somewhat similar situation with his mother. Her husband of 30 years left her for another woman and she was threatening to kill herself. She kept calling my husband and asking him what he wanted from her house and he was driving out to her house ALOT and missing alot of work. He was very stressed out about the whole thing and he and his sister ended up calling a local crisis counselor to drive out and talk to her about her situation. She seemed to be alot better after that and she calmed down enough to realize that she was hurting her kids. I'm not sure if this is an option in your case, but I thought that I would suggest it.
I will be praying for you and your husband and his family. I sincerely hope that your mother-in-law can find it in her heart through her hurting to realize that her family cares for her so much. I wish your family the very best.

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KYSGRAMM 4/21/2011 10:25AM

  I know this may sound a bit cruel, but has anyone made her aware of how her actions are affecting her children? She may not care to live any longer, but those
around her are suffering because - it seems she wants to give up. Which is as Karlew stated, attempted suicide. It is a very difficult situation, my mother has stated she wants no intervention and if she can't do things on her own, will just go somewhere to end things. Not what any "child" wants to hear. Does she understand what finding her might do to her son?
I really wish you the best.

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KYSGRAMM 4/21/2011 10:24AM

  I know this may sound a bit cruel, but has anyone made her aware of how her actions are affecting her children? She may not care to live any longer, but those
around her are suffering because - it seems she wants to give up. Which is as Karlew stated, attempted suicide. It is a very difficult situation, my mother has stated she wants no intervention and if she can't do things on her own, will just go somewhere to end things. Not what any "child" wants to hear. Does she understand what finding her might do to her son?
I really wish you the best.

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KARLEW 4/21/2011 9:07AM

    I'm not sure of family law where you live but it may be that the next of kin could apply for power of attorney. It could be argued that her refusal of medical treatment is a suicide attempt and that could definitely define "diminished capacity" as a cause for gaining control of her medical power of attorney. Even if at this point medical intervention will not ultimately preserve her life it will make her remaining time physically more comfortable. Best wishes

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Need to get back on track

Friday, April 15, 2011

I just read the Slowest Loser blog about getting off your hiney. Well, I sure need to get off mine. I go through these periods, largely related to depression, where I don't exercise properly and I don't eat properly. The hiney blog was great! It's a good source of inspiration. Tomorrow I'm walking in a 5K. (I can't run due to the condition of my knees. My surgeon told me he'd hurt me bad if I messed up his handiwork!) I'm looking forward to it. It should be a good springboard for getting off my hiney!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLED146 4/15/2011 2:05PM

    I really enjoy reading the Slowest Loser blogs. The messages really hit home with me. Good luck in the 5K! emoticon

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My friend's biopsy

Monday, February 07, 2011

Last Friday I spent the day with my friend Katherine. She was having a surgical biopsy of something suspicious in her breast. As you can imagine, she is very anxious as she awaits the results (which should be available in 1-2 weeks). The surgeon removed tissue as large as a plum, according to him. Please keep Katherine in your thoughts. This woman has been my friend since 1983 and we've become as close as sisters. She was my maid of honor at my wedding.

We did have one bit of levity in an otherwise sober day. They had to do a mammogram and insert a guide wire to help the surgeon find the "spot". In order to protect the wire from being jostled, they taped a styrofoam cup over the wire! She came out of the mammogram room and said "look at this!" as she showed me what we came to call her "Madonna bra". In this age of just about everything being high-tech, a lowly styrofoam cup was taped to her breast as a protection!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HANOVERLADY 2/10/2011 2:55PM

    Thank you to everyone who kept Katherine in your thoughts and prayers. She got the good news and immediately let me know - NO CANCER! We are so happy, although I suspect my own elation pales in comparison to hers.

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PAISHAR2 2/7/2011 5:39PM

    I WILL KEEP HER IN MY PRAYERS!!!!!

SHARON

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Back to the gym!

Friday, January 07, 2011

All this week I've been feeling poorly, as my grandmother used to say. I'm staving off a sore throat. My head feels big and I don't have much of an appetite (the only upside of this "whatever"!). I've been trying to get enough sleep and so I haven't gone to the gym all week. I've found that sleep, and lots of it, often is a big factor in getting me well again. But I'm not working this weekend so I'll have plenty of time to sleep AND to get back to the gym and my favorite bike. Not to mention watching football!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CIVIAV 1/7/2011 2:01PM

    So glad to hear that you are looking forward to your weekend. The spirit is returning even if the health is returning in baby steps. I spent the whole month of December with the sore throat and big head and am so grateful it's coming to an end. I hope it is for you too!

emoticon well and Keep Calm and Carry On as I've heard people say!

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