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Ready for a Change

Monday, March 11, 2013

You know how sometimes you just know you're ready? Like the days when you can pop right out of bed well-rested? Or when a presentation feels just right? Or when you make a decision with no hesitation? I'm finally there.

For months, I've been slogging through the motions of being healthy. Walking the dogs, attending pilates classes, dragging myself off the couch just enough to stay mobile. Filling my pantry with the stuff I know I should so that it sneaks its way into my diet enough to counteract the many lazy pizza nights.

But boy have there been a lot of pizza nights. And I don't remember the last time I got up and worked out on a weekend morning because it felt good or I wanted to. And I've caved and stopped at Wendy's for lunch oh so many days. (goddamn nuggets)

And then there have been the excuses. No time. Too much stress. It's that time of the month. And yes--some of them have been legitimate. This hasn't been an easy year. A disc in my back is herniated. My husband had cancer (past tense, thank god--now we're just in a watch and wait phase). We bought a new house. And all that change and upset, good and bad, causes a lot of worry, excitement, tears and adrenaline that once I came down from, left me in a state of ugh. Like a slightly deflated balloon. Who eats too much pizza.

It was enough momentum to keep me from throwing away the progress I've made over the years. But not enough to move forward.

But over the last couple of weeks, I'm feeling like I'm ready to put time and effort into me again. To actually log into Sparkpeople again. To get up on a Saturday morning excited to move. To pack salads for lunch and feel good about what it's doing for my body.

I'm not sure what the switch is--the first signs of spring? the vacation I planned and having something to look forward to? Oh how I'd love to bottle it!--but it feels good, and real and lasting.

Here goes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANLEYSANDY 3/11/2013 6:07PM

    Glad to see you!


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JUNEAU2010 3/11/2013 4:12PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Tight Pants

Thursday, February 09, 2012

I fear the utter (and necessary, unfortunately) lack of spinning in my life is leading to Bigger Thighs. My skinny jeans are decidedly skinnier than me.


So now I need to lose weight for reals. Because I'm not buying bigger pants again. I won't, will not, never gonna happen, not in this lifetime, over my dead body, buy bigger pants. I consigned a whole lot of brand new, very nice, size 14s (choke) over a year ago and can't go back.

So now even though I had Mexican last night (chips and margarita and everything, and oh it was so good) and I've been really hungry and hormonal lately, I need to kick it into gear now.

And maybe wear these tight pants every day until they're not tight anymore as a reminder...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUNEAU2010 2/9/2012 9:32PM

    I have just gotten DOWN to size 14. Seven years ago, I was in size 4 and worried that I would not be able to find affordable petite size 2...I really want to have that problem again!

Keep moving! Keep moving FORWARD!

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JTAMSYN 2/9/2012 12:45PM

    That's the best wake-up call for me too. Good for you to catch it now, before even the old size 14s are too small.

Though, if it makes you feel any better, all that salt in the Mexican food could have a lot to do with it. Drink a lot of water today and it might not be so bad tomorrow.


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Where to start?

Monday, January 30, 2012

I last blogged at the end of September after turning 30 and feeling and in a bit of a third-life crisis. Apparently, I needed a good swift kick to make me appreciate my life more and since then, its been one dramatic health turn after another.

Now that things seem to be leveling out and I'm not a mess of constant pain and worry, I need to turn here for some love and support.

First, a brief recap of the last few months. I hate it when people go on and on about health stuff, so I'll keep it brief-- but maybe some people here can relate. First, in October, I herniated a disc very badly (just overnight) and was told by several docs that I would need surgery. Eventually, this has been helped dramatically with an epidural shot, oral steroids and aggressive physical therapy--but at the time, and for about 3 weeks--I was unable to do anything except lay flat on ice without blinding pain.

In the mean time, the combination of laying down a lot and being on the pill caused a bilateral pulmonary embolism (clots in my lungs putting pressure on my heart and breathing), a hospital stay, and a 6-month prescription for blood thinners. I'm incredibly lucky I didn't die. The doctor at the hospital told me they most often find these postmortem. Dear god.

But then the blood thinners combined with going off of the pill for the first time in 10 years caused extreme uterine hemorrhaging (I sincerely have never seen so much blood and my husband and I thought I was dying) which landed me in the hospital again.

Several months and a couple of procedures later, I'm okay again. Not myself, by a long stretch--but okay.

And here's where I need your help. I want to get back to being me. Depression and self-pity from all this and so much inactivity (I get winded easily and exercise now amounts to walking and doing back stretches) has caused some weight gain--about 10 lbs. And I need to stop that in its tracks! I want to eat healthier, exercise as much as my body permits and pull out of this slump. Okay, so I can no longer burn 500 calories at a time in Power Class or Spin. But I'm 30 years old and before all this I was strong! My body did what I wanted. I felt pretty sometimes and sexy sometimes and like I could accomplish what I wanted. I can get back there. I can build up to this. And I can take steps to feel good about myself in the mean time.

Here's my plan:

First, put myself on a natural and juice diet to get myself off of the cravings for processed foods. I find that if I can go cold turkey for about 2 weeks, I won't desire that stuff as much. So lean fish and chicken, beans, brown rice and as many fruits and veggies as I want for the next two weeks. nooothing processed--that means you, queso and pretzels!

Second, some new clothes. My wardrobe is getting seriously worn out. I need to look in my closet and find things that I'm happy to put on. During all this drama, I was called to be on a Grand Jury for two weeks over Christmas (nice timing, huh!?), which left me with about $300 of mad money that I am going to go SPEND!

Third, I'm putting my pedometer back on. I had to take it off for a while because the hundreds (yep, hundreds) of steps I was walking majorly depressed me. But I can make new goals now. No, I won't be able to hit 10,000 for quite a while. But if I walk a few more every day, I can have something to build on!

Fourth, make better use of the wonderful community here. I can blog during my lunch break, track to get back on track, and better support my friends here. Knowing I'm not alone in this is going to be really crucial, I think.

Okay, that's it for today. But you'll hear more from me soon!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    OH wow so glad you're OK! That is so scary. You will get back into it. You had to take care of yourself first health-wise before you can focus on losing weight, etc. Don't beat yourself up over it. You have a good plan in place and I know you can do it!

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JTAMSYN 1/31/2012 2:10PM

    So proud of you for not letting these horrible events get you down to the point of quitting. All I can say is baby steps! And your plan is proving that. There is no point in pushing yourself to the extreme and hurting yourself again. Be strong, I KNOW that you can do it!

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JUNEAU2010 1/30/2012 10:23PM

    I applaud your plan! It sounds do-able and it sounds as if you have put a lot of thought into it in a proactive and positive manner. I was talking with my stepmother the other day and she asked me when I had last gotten something new for my wardrobe. "You need something fresh." she said. I have not done anything yet, but I am thrilled that your jury money is going towards something that will make you feel better and, probably, lift your spirits.

Welcome back! WOOHOO!

Seriously, I hope you gain strength (emotional and physical) and just keep moving forward.

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MANLEYSANDY 1/30/2012 6:50PM

    I am so glad you are alright. That is some serious stuff!! Take it one day at a time, and the stronger you get the easier it will be!


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BUSYDAD1972 1/30/2012 12:58PM

    Sounds like a plan. I can relate with the back problems - can really set one back. You can do it one step at a time,

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MICKAELAP 1/30/2012 12:45PM

    I know when you have a downfall in your life. I have been their myself. It has taken me 6 yrs to get back on track, without feeling so tired all the time. Your body will tell you when your ready. The only thing is eat right, and exercise as much as possible. Your boddy will get use to it and will start liking the change. Don't give up, keep thinking positive and move forward. Good Luck;-)

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Rediscovering Me

Monday, September 26, 2011

To say that it's been a while since I blogged would be a vast understatement. Since April, when I last wrote, I've been sort of off the grid, wrapped up in summer and all its glory--swimming, vacationing, lazing away, and generally in a state of suspension when it comes to fitness. Not a downward spiral, mind you (I only gained 2-3 lbs) but just a sort of noncommittal, unfocused state.

And now my sisters are back in school and I'm sort of on my own again when it comes to my free time. Although it's been years since I've had an actual "summer break," the girls are 9 and 11 years younger than me (I just turned 30 myself), and I guess I was in a summer break state of mind with them.

And now it's back to reality. And, now that my sisters are back in school, back to my utter lack of a social life outside of my husband (who I adore, but let's face it--we all need friends) and back to facing myself in the mirror and hating where I'm at with my body.

My natural inclination is to make a list of things that will make me feel complete and then create a plan to accomplish them ... but I don't even know what those things are right now.

My life is almost completely devoid of creativity. I'm a painter who doesn't paint. A writer who doesn't write. I told myself I'd take up sewing, join an open painting group, learn to throw on a potting wheel, learn to bake, join a reading group to make friends. I haven't done any of those things.

I guess I want to be inspired. And I know only I can do that for myself---I'm just not sure what form it will take yet. So this part of the story is "to be continued."

The one thing in my life that isn't open-ended, that already has a plan mapped out, is my weight. It's a number, it's reachable, I will have accomplished something. So I'm back at it, in a place where I have a good support group, working to feel at 30 like I did at 20. I'll always be the older sister, but I don't want to be the heavy one, too.

Here we are this summer, me in the middle. I'm readjusting to life without them, and hoping next time I see them I'll be closer to reaching one goal and finding out what the others should be.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEAPPLESASS 9/27/2011 7:17AM

  i find it gets harder and harder to keep hobbies! i've been pushing myself to create and keep my favorite things to do.

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JUNEAU2010 9/26/2011 9:06PM

    You sound so much like me - a musician without music, a writer without words, a crafter without creation. Hmmm. I need to think about this. Perhaps there is a correllation between that and my tonnage! BLESS YOU for blogging!

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JTAMSYN 9/26/2011 1:32PM

    Glad you had such a great summer with your sisters. You guys look SO much alike, its incredible. Don't worry about your lack of inspiration. We all go through "dry" periods. You did so good this summer, maintaining your weight! Its great that you already that know that you can do it! You've been losing so much lately that I'm sure you'll be at goal really soon!

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Salads, Salads bo-Balads

Thursday, April 14, 2011

So, now that it's getting warmer out, salads are finally staring to sounds at least somewhat appealing. (Phew--it's been a while!) And I'be really been trying to mix it up with the offering so I don't get sick of them right away. Thought I'd share a couple of my current favorites:

oh, and all are spinach-based, since I like it, and fresh spinach seems to pack a lot of nutritional punch

Golden Blue:
1 ounce blue cheese
handful of golden raisins
drizzle of delicious balsamic reduction

Chef Kate:
3 slices turkey, chopped
1 hard boiled egg white
1 ounce blue cheese
1 tbsp bacon bits
1/4 cup frozen peas (thawed by lunchtime)
1 tbsp otria chipotle cheese greek yogurt dip (yum)

Mmmm Goat Cheese: (LOVE goat cheese with pretty much anything!)
1 ounce goat cheese
1 handful golden raisins
1 tbsp Amy's natural roasted red pepper dressing
1/4 cup salted cashews

Flipdaddy's Copycat Santa Fe Salad:
1/4 cup santa fe corn salsa mix (made with a can of corn, a can of black beans, a can of diced drained tomatoes and some cilantro lime dressing that I allow to marinate in the fridge)
1 oz low fat shredded cheddar
fresh cilantro
3 oz chopped spicy chicken ( I save leftover chicken and season with Cajun spices)

Crispy Blue Salad: (can you tell I love blue cheese, too?)
This one I make with romaine lettuce
1 chopped tomato
2 chopped chicken strips (homemade--coated with crushed fiber one cereal and spices and pan fried till crisp)
1 tsp franks hot sauce
1 chopped celery stick
shredded carrot
1 oz blue cheese


Do you guys have any other easy go-to salads? I'd love suggestions!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JTAMSYN 6/8/2011 12:56PM

    If you're interested in a new vinaigrette, this one makes me "crave" salads (believe it or not):

1 part extra virgin olive oil
1 part balsamic vinegar
1 part honey
add chopped/crushed garlic
season to taste

Just tweak the portions of olive oil, vinegar and honey to your taste. So delicious!!! I make extra for several days of salad!


Comment edited on: 6/8/2011 12:57:27 PM

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HANDSPK 4/14/2011 2:57PM

    @FITJANE6 Thanks for the add! And I always forget about apples in salads... I love them. The other day I tried strawberries, though..didn't care for them in salads. (haha better with FF cool whip!)

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JUDIL62 4/14/2011 1:49PM

    Those sound great! I do a southwest salad with romaine, 1/4 c. corn, 1/4 c black beans, grilled chicken, and a couple of cruched up tostitos chips w/ a light chipotle

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FITJANE6 4/14/2011 1:42PM

    Yum! Your salads sound delish! I like Spinach as my base most of the time, too!

My go-to salad is: Blue cheese crumbles, Walnuts, Diced Fresh Apple, Craisins, Broccoli slaw (just from the bag in the store, nothing added to it), Diced Orange and a protein (I like to use leftovers from other meals during the week, chicken, fish or steak). I top it off with a balsamic or poppyseed vinaigrette. emoticon

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