Tuesday, February 28, 2012
But what is it they say? Just keep getting up and starting over and over until you reach your goal.
It was my recent diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes that did it. I knew it was coming -- both of my parents are diabetic! But like so many others, I let life and my long list of other health problems hold me back. Now I literally have no choice. I've been told that my numbers put me in imminent danger of death by heart attack or stroke. Not in 20 or 30 years...NOW.
I'm working it out starting now. Looking for help, trying to educate myself,and joining the Diabetes Weight Loss Challenge here, as well as the 100+ Team here.
We'll see how it goes. I'm going to try and blot here more often
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Although technically I'm not planning on changing my lifestyle in a major way until January 2 (which is probably a poor way of looking at it anyway), I've decided to make two small changes today, just as a start:
1. Measuring all of my food, and recording it here
2. Stop adding salt, period. For most of my adult life, I only ate what sodium naturally occurred in food (or was added in recipes, as long as it wasn't a lot). It's only in recent years that I've started adding a ton of it. So, I'm going back to the healthier way. No added salt. Later, I'll actually be adding my total sodium intake.
So these are positives for today. I need to work on a more positive attitude, to find some ray of sunshine even when I'm feeling so down.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
It's been an eventful summer. After I hurt my foot in August, I pretty much just gave up on everything. Working again and dealing with my injuries just wiped me out emotionally, and gave me the perfect excuse just to not care about what I was eating or doing with my body. Honestly, I think for a few months (from August through about the middle of October), I was having a manic upturn -- since I'm Bipolar II, that means that "mania" isn't what it's typically understood as. It's more high energy, easy agitation, difficulty slowing down, and other behaviors that might qualify as "up" or a bit "hyper" more than anything.
So I was pretty much at my desk 12-16 hours a day working, and completely high on it. I was even forgetting to eat (which, really, isn't any better for my health than eating all the time with no control.). I don't think I lost any weight, simply because the meds I'm taking make it triply impossible to lose weight without triple the work. Anyway, right around the middle of October, I had a complete drop into depression. Those who also struggle with the condition know that sensation of plunging right off a cliff -- you're fine one moment, and the next, sometimes for no real reason at all, you're at the deepest bottom of a pit. Well, there I went, and there I've more or less stayed.
Being there really damages every area of your life. Like work. Before this depressive episode, I was cranking out tons of copy and articles, and loving it, making plenty of money. Now I'm begging for extensions for pretty much every project. I just don't feel like writing. I can't concentrate on the topic. I get anxious about having to cold call sources (for the paper). Every job I have to do now feels like a source of stress, which defeats the whole purpose of doing this kind of work -- it's part of why I had to leave the kind of work I was doing before.
What does all of this add up to? Not being able to leave the house. Being hungry all the time. The discovery of a truly scary symptom of compulsive eating I've never really dealt with before -- depending on food literally like a drug. When I have yummy food to eat or a delicious meal to look forward to, it lifts my mood substantially. When the eating is over, or there's no "good" food in the house... depression again. I would go so far as to say "despondency".
Addressing what's going on with me is going to be a lot more complicated this time than just "Eat right. Move more." And since I'm depressed, I feel so tired, I don't know that I have the energy or the will to do everything that needs to be done.
I know that I need to push forward. I need to turn to my Buddhist spirituality for strength. I know that I need to find support in the community, whether it be (further) therapy, Weight Watchers (when/if I can afford it), OA (there are skeptic/Buddhist/atheist groups online that may address my issues with the 12 steps), and do as much as I can to boost myself up in this long-term journey.
I'm not good at sticking to things. It's easy for me to be derailed, which is obvious from my long history here at Sparkpeople. I don't know. All I can do is hope and try.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
So, I took today off from exercise yesterday to let my leg and foot heal some. Today I felt better, so I gave Zumba another try. This time I went VERY easy, and even did a lot of the moves in a chair. My foot hurts more now, but I'm glad I did it anyway. (I do need to have my doctor to look at my foot -- whenever I put weight on the ball of it, it hurts... which can't be good). I got a nice foot and ankle yoga routine from here www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=yog
a_stretches_for_the_feet_and_ankles that I'm going to try tonight. See how that goes!
I just inherited my friend's set of Leslie Sansone Eat, Walk, Lose DVD's... I'm looking forward to trying those. And positive of positives (which may not be a healthy thing, considering my iffy relationship with food) I'm COMPLETELY addicted to Healthy Choice's new All Natural Entrees! All but one of them is vegetarian, and they are DELICIOUS. I had the Portabella Spinach Parmesan, and it was SO GOOD. I swear eating these things makes me feel like I'm eating at a fancy restaurant every night. I can't rave about them enough.
Back to work -- I have a couple of articles coming due for Helium, and I don't like to leave them until the last minute. All in all, it was a good day!
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
I'm pushing back against a looming depression right now. For years I've been dying to try Zumba, because it looks like fun, and my friends who do it insist anybody can do it no matter how out of shape.
I finally got hold of the basics DVD today and tried the basic steps routine... or at least 21 minutes of the 40. I couldn't pick up any of the steps. But no big deal, it's not like a surprise that I'm uncoordinated -- I always have been, and I've barely moved in the past few years. But then my knees started giving out. Then my left foot literally *cracked*. Not like bones breaking -- I hope -- but it was a pain I've had to a lesser degree before when I try to walk or do other standing activity.
How am I going to get healthy if I can't even stand up? I can't afford a gym that has a recumbent bike or anything. I'm not strong enough to do Pilates. I can't barely do yoga anymore, and if this foot doesn't get better, I won't be able to do any standing poses.
I know, Buddhism teaches to Start Where You Are, and not to cling to wishing things were different than they are, but it's really difficult. Oh well. At least I did something, and I can still meditate.
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