Thursday, January 05, 2012
this entry will be breathtakingly brief and is written with tongue firmly in cheek.
You see I comment a lot about the weather....
I want you to know that for a Canadian, THIS IS NORMAL!
As a Canadian, I am entitled to, allowed to, expected to, encouraged to, wanted to, and frankly, forced to comment about the weather.
Doesn't matter about the season. For a Canadian, it is never really good. Spring is officially a day or two maybe in late April or early May, Summer is a humid morass, Fall is lovely with the leaf color but leads to a dull and sere and depressingly dark (sun sets at 4:30 some days) November, and Winter is, well, Winter.
There, I have done my Canadian duty and commented about our seasons.
Joke: Have you heard there are two seasons in Toronto?
Oh, what are they?
Winter and construction.
No kidding, except when they continue construction during the winter.....
And I am finished (for now) commenting on the weather.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Good morning everyone, the quotes identify a book I am working (non-caps by the authors) and I had a thought I wanted to share.
I am spending the week making a balance sheet about binging vs not binging, emotional and practical gains and losses for self and others. Then I get to rate all the reasons!
Anyway, I was treadmilling this morning and watching a French Canadian movie I had recorded. It is about a terminally ill man being helped by his family and friends to die with dignity.
Now, the film does not focus on weight or fitness at all, but the actor playing the man is rather large....and it got me thinking.
I am in my 60's. I will reach a time (and I hope it is a long time away!) when others will have to care for me and my physical person. When that time happens, I want to be darn sure that the physical person being cared for is the healthiest I can make it, for the sake of my own dignity.
That's all....it was an important insight to me, though. Brand new idea.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Please bear with me, I am going to ramble a bit I think, but maybe this will help me and you?
Yesterday, someone close to me treated me poorly. Enough said. I am realizing that this is the biggest trigger for my binging. So, I went into I want to eat everything in the house (and the house too?) mode.
But, I had a lovely dinner planned, and thought of all the negative outcomes of binging, and did not.
What happened instead, and this is a whoa, what happened here moment, is that I had a really, really major anxiety attack. I had not had one in years!
Now, those of you who have suffered from anxiety attacks know that they are not going to kill you, but are darned unpleasant while they happen. You feel as if you will absolutely pass out, but you won't. I learned to manage mine a long time ago, without meds, through some cognitive behavioral work, and this one went away, as all the others did as well,
I am left with a bunch of questions. Clearly, the upset just had to come out, and if not in binging then it came out in anxiety symptoms.
I went to the the Spark medical information, there was no specific mention of anxiety attacks, and more relevantly, anxiety attacks associated with not binging.
So, what is worse? Anxiety raises your blood pressure to not good levels while it lasts. It is emotionally draining. Binging, aside from the immediate relief, is just not good in any way I can measure.
At this point, if I am going to have to choose, I will choose anxiety. I am going to reframe the whole experience by saying that by not binging I was able to experience my emotions, and the next, healthier step, will be managing my emotions without significant anxiety attacks.
Thanks for listening! If anyone reads this, has this happened to you? Are there resources on Spark on anxiety attacks? Maybe in the Depression section?
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Had two insights today, thought I would share, they may help others!
Those who have gotten to know my virtual self are well aware that I am a binge eater. Yecch. I am working very hard on managing this kind of eating, I am so committed to be one of the 5% I can taste it (no calories though, weak attempt at humor). I am 15 months into maintenance, up a few pounds (some of it may be added muscle but I am not kidding myself, most of it is binging!). I have been reading about binging, journaling, thinking.....
Insight number 1: For me, for now, I cannot stray from my planned eating (with the exception of an extra pack of gum). If I make just one change, or add just another 50 or 100 calories (still under the daily allowed goal) I am lost, destroyed, sunk, in a pickle, you name it. The eating will not stop. So, simple, not straying from determined plan.
Insight number 2: This goes back to my experimental psychology undergraduate degree. You know, where you use white rats and train them by reinforcement. (For everyone's information, when the term was over, I took my ratties home, made pets of them, and they lived a good life. I have had rats for pets over the years too. They are clean, smart, and cute.)
So, back to reinforcement. For me, binging feels good. Eating what I want as much as I want makes me feel really nice, until the letdown of course....
I realized today that binging is an intermittent reinforcive behavior. I don't do it on any schedule, I don't do it every day, or at a set time, or day of the week. And, if you know your psychology, behavior that is intermittently reinforced is the hardest to stop. You keep doing it with the hope at some point, some time, you will get your reinforcement.
So, for me, I have to just stop. Another dynamic is that the feel good feeling about binging, as time passes, gets forgotten, and is not so tempting. Also I get to deal with my real problems, not just stuff them with food.
Actually, then, this gets kind of easy. No decision making needed. No eating off plan, even a bit, which will lead to no binging which will put to rest the pesky intermittent reinforcement of the whole thing.
Will I mess up from time to time? You betcha! But I think these concepts will stand me in good stead. I hope there is at least one other sparkperson out there who can get some benefit also!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
This is so like me....
Thursday last week I was making chili. We use canned kidney beans.
So, I was cleaning out the cans preparing them to put in the recycling, when RIPPPPPP!!!!! right across the top of my right hand thumb, a two inch slash from a rough edge on one of the lids.
It bled, a lot, had to apply pressure to stop it. And of course, bending the thumb (cut right across the thumb knuckle) was painful to say the least. I will stop with the detail, kind of graphic.
So, the above led to no guitar work for a couple of days.
I am now bandage free and can bend the darn thing with little or no pain.
Think I will go and play my music!
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