Monday, August 19, 2013
Over the last few months, I have been comfort eating and I have gained weight. But, here I am again. At least I get points for never giving up. I have made a solemn promise to myself to stick with this, this time -- even when the going gets tough. I have made a promise to myself to try to deal with life's ups and downs by doing something kind for myself, something that doesn't include numbing myself with food. We all have to journey through this life on our own terms. If we continue to strive to keep becoming better and to learn to be kind to ourselves, then we're winning. The map I have written for myself in this life is not the same as anyone else's. I continue to reshape that map each day. But, I now have a map and without one, we can't ascertain where we're going. I have taken the last few days to write down goals, to make some promises to myself and to begin to imagine what my future might look like. Imagination is a wonderful thing and I intend to use it to create the body, mind and spirit I deserve to have. I hope everyone is having a lovely summer.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
I stopped going to the gym for almost three months. I had lost so much weight that I went to see a surgeon about having a panniculectomy (skin removed and reshaped around lower abdomen). I was sent for all kinds of tests, including an EKG and the results of that came back, much to my astonishment, abnormal. Now, I was dumbfounded, The surgeon insisted that I see a cardiologist before he would operate to make sure my heart was up to the almost six-hour surgery. To make a long story short, I finally got an appointment with a cardiologist. I had an ultrasound of my heart and had to wear a Holter monitor for 48 hours to track my old ticker and how it was working. Apparently, it's not unusual for menopausal women to experience occasional palpitations and that's what was going on. So, the cardiologist cleared me for surgery. All this, however, took months and during those weeks, I was so afraid to go to the gym and not going to the gym made me pretty darned depressed and when I get depressed, I have a tendency to compulsively overeat. I am not as bad as I used to be, but nonetheless, I gained back more than 20 pounds in almost three months. I stepped on the scale this morning and nearly HAD A HEART ATTACK, which pretty much would have taken care of what I thought was my abyssmal situation :( But, I have come so far and I am not going to let this setback throw me totally off track. I have decided not to beat myself over this and suck it up, get back to the gym on a consistent basis, start eating well again and get back to it. My surgery will take place this summer, so I have the opportunity of losing as much as I can between now and August (when I imagine my surgery will be). I will get down to my goal weight this year. Not only that. I intend on staying there FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I have not been very diligent in keeping myself motivated and there's really no excuse when I have access to the wonderful tools here. Losing weight, for me, is not only a physical process. In fact, that's the least of it, really. Losing weight takes a lot of introspection. A lot of self-analysis, a lot of working through emotional pain and a lot of blatant self-honesty. In honouring that self-honesty, I must say I only allow myself to go so far when something stops me. Losing too much weight doesn't feel safe to me just yet. I know it will, especially if I continue to feel better about myself, learn to value myself JUST THE WAY I AM and continue to be kinder to myself each day. This is a process, isn't it? It is a journey and sometimes, my road map has become illegible and I lose my way. But, I always manage to find my way back. I think we continue to succeed when we continue making the effort. I know I will be standing in front of a mirror one day at my goal weight (a size that I have decided is right for me and no one else) and I will be able to say, "what an amazing trip. You finally got to where you wanted to go." Until then, I will stand in front of the mirror each day and say, "you've done another day and you continue on your way and you're incredible." Yup. That's what I'll say.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
What do you do to combat impatience? I am sure I fit into the 99.9 per cent of people who want to have lost all their weight by tomorrow. What do you do with that energy of wanting? I am learning to channel it into the things I know will get me to my ultimate place of comfort in my own skin. impatience paired with boredom is an inevitable recipe for disaster, so I am trying to make sure I always have something to do, whether it be exercise, reading a great book, making my shopping list. I try not to let my mind wander on negatives. I have been visualizing a positive outcome. I see myself in a sexy, red dress and I feel amazing in it!! I revel in the flatter and the congratulations coming from everyone. I feel so proud of myself and that I light up an entire room. Ya. That's what I am going to do!!!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
It has been so long since I've been here. You know, I keep forgetting I have a page on SparkPeople. How silly is that? So much has happened to me in the recent past and all I can say is I'm back on track, shifted to first gear and now spending time putting myself FIRST. I have learned that is not a selfish thing to do. If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of anyone or anything else. It's as simple as that. I am a giving person by nature and this last while I have been giving and giving to someone without any appreciation. So, although this person is extremely important in my life, I have chosen to step back for as long as it takes me to lose this extra weight. In other words, to place the focus on myself for once. I have come a long way and I am proud of myself for that. I consider every single day a gift and my challenge is to make each day better than the last. I am trying to weigh myself ONLY once every two weeks (not to be a slave to the scale). I am working out every day and I have started taking supplements which should also bode well for my body. I have learned to be patient with myself (although, occasionally I screw up there). I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I am not able to lose it overnight either. I am soooo looking forward to the slim, healthier me. I guess that's why I lose patience with the process every once in a while. I have come a long way there, too. If I fall down, I just get back up again and continue on. The idea is to NEVER GIVE UP!! I am done with not loving myself enough to become the best ME I can be. And it's not for anyone else but me!! It is said that the best revenge is living life well and being happy. So, I choose to be happy right here, right now and I am enjoying the process of creating a new me!
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