Tuesday, June 25, 2013
They say its most likely shingles. If they're right, its a darn good thing that its cropped up on the underarm where I'm still numb from removing my lymph nodes in '08. I feel no pain or itching. I'm to put steroidal cream on it and if its not gone in a week, go back in. Whew. Sounds like I dodged a bullet. :)
Thanks to all for your support and kindness! :)
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Friday afternoon I noticed a scary-looking oddity near my under underarm. Its about 1.25" - 1.5" long, and parts of it are hard, kind of like scar tissue.
I have an appointment with my oncologist's nurse practitioner on thursday to look at it, but its changing appearance every day, so I'm going to try to get in monday, even if its only to my regular doctor. I'm assuming they'll biopsy it.
I really, really, really don't want to deal with skin mets, but this sure looks like it to me. :( Its been three and a half years since I completed treatment of my stage 2 breast cancer. Its truly frightening to contemplate going down that road again. I'm trying not to panic before I have any specific information, but its not easy to set aside my concerns.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Like so many others before me, I drifted off, gained weight again, and am now back. What triggered my return, when I've thought about returning so many times before? I just got a call from my doctor that my blood tests indicate I'm prediabetic (also called borderline diabetic). I must lose weight and change my eating habits in order to back off from full-blown diabetes, and to reduce my risk of other health impacts.
I've been unhappy with the state of my body and my health for quite some time, but hadn't quite got up the gumption to change it. Medical news can be a huge motivator.
I am motivated.
I need to cut WAY down on carbs, sugars and processed foods. Eat lots of veggies. Lose weight. Exercise more.
I look forward to getting back in the swing of things.
Friday, June 10, 2011
I wrote this for my daily draw in sparktarot, and felt it strongly enough that I want to share it with all of you ...
Baroque Bohemian Cats - 3 swords
I normally don't resonate with this card at all. I tend to see it as immediate romantic heartbreak, and I haven't been in a relationship in years. But I've been reading "Tarot for the Healing Heart" and this card says a lot to me today.
A beautiful gray cat sits in her bedroom holding an angel doll/statue who is, in turn, holding a heart with three swords in it. Her look seems to say many things to me today as she looks out of her card at me. See my wounds? They're not so bad are they? Maybe I can ignore them and they'll go away. After all, they're not really so very big, and I've moved them out onto this statue instead of in me. I've distanced myself. Haven't I done a good job? I can insulate myself from the pain, right? It'll work, won't it?
And I'm inclined to lean forward and hug that sweet kitten and help her accept the wounds, my wounds, so that they might finally and completely heal. We don't need to walk around the world completely broken. We are sometimes hurt. We sometimes seem to break. We are the walking wounded. But we can learn our new selves, and if we walk a little funny, or have a little extra weight, or can't quite see as well as we used to ... well, that's ok. We're all wounded in some ways, and we can open up to them, share them, and allow the healing in. That healing might not take the form we want. A quadraplegic might not learn to walk. A blind man might never see again. A cancer survivor might never grow her breasts back. But we can heal in other ways and move forward as we are now.
For the first time in my life I love this card. :)
And so, dear friends, shall we move forward together?
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Finally. The scale is moving left instead of right. OMG, it's been months since that has happened.
I just returned from a week in the mountains of Tennessee and North Carolina. I went there for a greyhound event where my mom and I displayed our greyhound arts and crafts. We had a wonderful time, but I was not very careful with my eating. I assumed I'd hold steady at best, and gain a couple at worst. But I was MOVING. Walking, loading the truck, setting up our display, and without a fenced yard for our greyhound to exercise, I had to walk her on leash whenever she needed to go out. It all added up and I'm two pounds lighter than when I left!!!
I have finally unhidden my weight ticker. I am not technically at my highest weight ever, but that's only because I had a bilateral mastectomy a couple years ago. I am in the largest size ever, and I was feeling very discouraged and humiliated.
Not anymore!!! I'm psyched, energized, and dedicated to starting over for real. I've uncovered my Gazelle Freestyle so I can get moving even on the hottest of days, and I'm shopping today for more vegetables. This has been coming for weeks now, ever since quitting a new medication that seemed to be a huge factor in my recent weight gain. I'm SO glad to be off it, and SO glad to be feeling optimistic about my health again.
It's so hard to have fallen into the common trap of losing and then gaining it back with interest. I feel like a statistic. It's SO common. And I suppose it's so human. And so indicative of how difficult this journey is.
My most heartfelt hugs to all of you who've been here. I feel such compassion for you. I'm trying to feel the same compassion for myself, rather than judgement. I'm getting better at that.
Hugs to all of you, and we CAN do it!!!
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