Monday, September 29, 2014
So.. ya me! I am down 100 lbs. Amazingly, I thought I would be there only one day because my weight has gone up and down the same 3 lbs for about three weeks despite changing exercise and calorie range. I have been here for 4 days now. I still have a way to go to my "happy weight" which may not be my BMI weight that is recommended. I think I will know when I am there. I hope I will know when I am there. I am hoping I will maintain it with all the healthy habits I am doing every day. I have been here before. Lose a ton of weight, keep it off for three years, then slowly, oh so slowly let it creep back on. Yup, I am a yo-yo, going up and down. At least, I was.
Then and now
Knowing this, and going through some of these emotions once before, you would think I would expect it, have a plan for it, cope with the emotions faster, yada yada. Nope. Did not happen. I can be a fearful negative person at times, sometimes a lot of times. I am a work in progress, like a lot of people. I am fearful now. That is my emotion today. That is what I am trying to work through.
Going through the closet, I have sizes from medium to 32 / 5X. What the heck happened ? I was at a medium, comfortable in a large, which was a normal size. I foolishly had the idea that life would magically correct itself it I just lost and maintained that loss of weight. Must have been those rose colored glasses. I read an article that if you could maintain that loss for 2 years you were in the home stretch and would find it easier to maintain it. Wrong. I kept it off three years and it came back because I quit tracking, I was cocky thinking I was in the home stretch, I quit weighing in. I never had a support group at Spark that I felt comfortable with. There were so many things but basically I quit doing what worked. I quit loving myself enough to care. I love myself now. I can see that my life is worth saving and that I am a good person worthy of living. I used to question that a lot.
Today has not been easy. I am giving away a lot of clothes and saving some clothes. That is what I did last time I lost weight. I am still fearful. I do not want to buy bigger clothes so I will keep them..." just in case". I know logically that this is a negative emotion and I will overcome it when I am ready. I am not ready, so I will save the 2X clothes that fit only slightly loose for now. Maybe once I reach goal and maintain it awhile I will be ready. I think I will know when I am ready, at least I hope so.
I do not buy many new clothes so some have memories attached to them and that may be part of it. Even though I have many sizes in my closet, most are 2X. I have also been a size 2X for most of my adult life. I see so many that have "made it" and I read their blogs. I tell myself I will make it there also. I know I will. I have my health to think about. No amputations in my future, no way. Having diabetes, that is always in the back of my mind.
I am really amazed at how many hangers I have. OMG ! Really... I could furnish 2 more closets, I have that many. Knowing this, maybe I will be comfortable shopping once I need clothes or reach a goal.
People that have seen me getting smaller are asking for "the secret" and why it is working for me. I can only say, I do not want diabetes complications and that is really a motivator for me. As far as "the secret", I do not have any. No tips except doing what the Spark articles suggest... track food, move the body, have support, have a personal reason that will stay up front in my mind to motivate me when "lazy" tries to speak up, healthy recipes, cleaner foods, plan meals, drink water, read success stories, etc.
So, even though I am fearful, I am feeling those emotions instead of eating them, or ignoring them by reading, watching TV, shopping, surfing the web, etc. I always craved the easier softer way and I still do at times but I know that is not healthy and I want health more than I want weight loss, a beautiful body, or even money. I still have a long term goal of reaching retirement and being active in retirement by Rving and seeing all that America offers. I talk of God's painting and that is just nature, sun sets, my environment as a whole. I really enjoy my day more when I can see something normal and really see it, really enjoy it, really feel it. I think that is why I enjoy camping so much.
I am second from the right. Great day meeting many Spark members from the Rv Enthusiasts group. As I say frequently... I am truly blessed.
Monday, June 02, 2014
Last week of the RV Enthusiasts group challenges ! It has gone fast this time. This blog is part of that last challenge. I am not as adventurous as some but I love to try new things sometimes. First time I joined spark, I did not find a group that I felt was "family". I just could not relate to them, some did not have challenges or support and as a result, I ended up losing a lot of weight on my own and leaving just to come back heavier than what I had left at.
This time around, I was lucky enough to find "my" Rv group and I just love them. They are a fabulous group of people that support one another through thick and thin. Some have known each other for years, some have left and returned. Some are newer members like me, but I feel like we are family.
The challenges are like a bonus. They help me focus more on the journey or task of the week rather than the life long journey, which can seem quite daunting at times. To have a goal of 324# down to 130#- 150# is darn right scary at times. I enjoy the challenges whether I do well or not. It is learning about something new and testing myself to see if I have what it takes to make it through those challenges, that helps me focus and see my journey as one day at a time instead of the "life long diet" mentality that occasionally rears its ugly head.
I also get to see what helps me along my journey, what is not as helpful, and that we are all human. We do well, we fall down, and we pick ourselves back up. That, in my opinion, is what life is all about. We improvise, we overcome, we willing adapt to succeed in our spiritual journey through life and for me that includes taking better care of ME. I am all about taking care of others being a nurse, but I have found out the hard way, I do not want to be a burden to anyone else, so that means taking the time to make me a priority and get to healthy and stay there.
I think it is hard to run a spark group all by yourself and I have the utmost respect for Sharon for doing it and again, bonus, that she does it so well. I love these people and truly feel blessed to be part of this family. Thanks friends.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
I think everyone struggles at one time or another. Negative Nellie gets very loud in my head sometimes and if I am in a good place, I can tune her out but let me be under just a little stress or be a little tired and she becomes quite pushy, takes over and I end up binging or not exercising. This can last hours, days, months or years, depending on where my head is and whether or not I can see my future (goals).
I have been strong in the past, lost a lot of weight a few times, and have put it back on. I have always had the high blood pressure and high cholesterol but now the kidneys and diabetes thing has cropped up. I knew it could if I did not take care of me. I foolishly ignored my own fears and continued doing everything in my life the easier softer way. I ate out too much ( too much fat & salt), I sat around too much (surprised I did not get a clot), I chose to blame everything in my environment but me ( insert excuse here). I ignored the situation until my legs swelled up and I could not breathe (think congestive heart failure).
I am 52 and am way too young for this kind of crap. I have not worked this hard for this long to retire and die. I want to travel and see the states. I want to hike, swim, and if I can conquer my fear, zipline. I never made any plans or goals. I just let life do what it would or could given my health and size. Well, let me tell you, my head is in the game. I am an active player now. I am taking that bull (poor health habits) by the horns and I am flipping him upside down. I am in charge.
I still have days or hours where lazy tries to sneak in and on those days I have a plan. I look at my vision board. I say my mantras or positive quotes. I look in the mirror in my eyes and ask what is my reality right now ? What will I do right now ? Do I want to be in that bad pace again where I can not breathe, I can not walk, I can not tie my shoes, I may have to have 6 people to lift me into the ambulance ? It is cold and hard but that is what I need.
My mantra's change but right now, these are some I use. It brings me focus on those days I feel blah, do not want to exercise, am craving sweets, feel bad about my body, etc.
WOW, YOU LOOK GREAT !
HEALTHY NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD !
I AM PROUD OF MYSELF !
I AM FULL OF ENERGY AND VITALITY AND MY MIND IS CALM & PEACEFUL !
I CHOOSE TO CHANGE MY EATING HABITS AND I SUCCESSFULLY DO SO !
I MOVE TO STAY HEALTHY ! (which saves me money in pills and Dr. visits).
BE MISERABLE OR MOTIVATE YOURSELF. IT IS ALWAYS "MY CHOICE" !
I SEE MYSELF HEALTHY FIT & FLEXIBLE ! This one helps when I am being negative about a particular body part.
MY BODY NATURALLY SHEDS UNNEEDED FAT ! Love this one, that means I do not have to work, right ? WRONG !
I AM ATTAINING AND MAINTAINING MY IDEAL WEIGHT !
Live in the moment. Be kind to yourself. You only have one body. It is your house. Keep it clean with healthy food. Move it to clean it and get rid of toxins. Remember food is fuel and we are becoming like the hybrid cars and require much less fuel to be more efficient. I do not want to struggle with my health for the rest of my life. I want to be excited in every moment my God and angels bring me. So, for now, this is helping and I will continue to educate myself and try new things. Keep sparking friends.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
I am feeling so blessed. The past few months have been a whirlwind. There has been so much happy today, I can hardly stand it. I am celebrating me by sharing my blessings. I hope you do not take it as bragging. I am learning it is ok to celebrate me some times, so while it is a new feeling, it is also a good feeling.
When I joined The Living healthy Iowa Challenge through work, i never imagined we would win (my 72 year old mom & I). I did not even know they had prizes. I just knew I needed something to keep me motivated to continue on my healthy path and I had to have another person to make a team.
Mom was wanting motivation to change also so I added her as my teammate, introduced her to Spark and we got started. I never knew how motivated she could be when she had a goal in mind. Well, she sure showed me, and a lot of others. She is down 38# and 3 dress sizes in 10 weeks.
I "relearned" that there is a direct relationship to how much you lose, how much you move, and how good you can feel. I knew this. I needed a reminder because I was only doing 30 minutes of easy exercise. I am still doing only moderate exercise but now 60-90 minutes, and I am being more consistent with strength training. I am happy with the energy I have now. I still get winded easy but not as fast. I walk faster and definately farther.
I have worn sweats for the past 2 years because of my weight. I bought size 32 jeans but did not like that they were being pulled down in back by my hiney being so big so I never wore them. Today, we get our prizes so I tried on my jeans. Since I am down 71#, I decided to try the size 28 first, 26... nope, 24...FITS !!! OMG, IT fits and I can sit, I can breathe. I am so happy. Talk about NSV. That is anawesome one.
I started my day attending a mindful eating class through work (part of a decrease in insurance rates). I learned more than I thought I would. I had my snack questions answered since I struggle with what is a good for me vs. what sweet do I want. www.Myplate.gov was recommended by the dietician as a very informative site. I will check it out tomorrow.
I had some time before my health coach meeting (also through work), so I went to the mall and walked 45 minutes. Lots of people there and they were all smiling, happy, and EXERCISING. Go figure... another direct relationship.
Health coach meeting went well. My weaknesses are sweets (duh !) and I need to do more ST. I have a plan, I have the support of work, family, and Spark family. How can I fail ? I won't.
This time around, I am doing this for me, not to meet a guy, not to be promoted at work, not to fit in an airplane, and not to keep up with skinny friends. I want health and if that means I will still be overweight by BMI standards, then so be it. I can live with fluffy as long as I can move, breathe easy and still be active and have fun with the rest of my life. So today, I celebrated me and I feel good about it.
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