Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I'm trying to adjust to the medication but it seems like while it is majorly helping with food cravings, I'm still suffering some anxiety. This morning was particularly yucky. I'm also having wicked headaches, which I know can be a side effect of Lexapro. My food intake has been pretty good yesterday and today so far. We splurged on the weekend (a habit we're trying desperately to break). I exercised at the gym on Saturday. I plan on going back Wed/Thurs/Fri. I'm hoping for at least a little weight loss this week, but who knows due to the weekend of soul food.
I just feel really tired today, yet again. I want to have more energy. It might be the carbs though, since I had cereal for breakfast and lunch today. I just felt like I couldn't stomach anything else.
These are strange times.
Friday, July 06, 2012
Between my cold and period (sorry for too much info!), I haven't been exercising this week. We did some serious yard work on Tuesday which worked my calves and arms (still sore). I just have zero energy, which I'm attributing to this summer cold. I think it's improving, however. I've been eating pretty good all week. On Wednesday, I weighed in just to get a base line since I skipped Saturday (power outage). I was down 3.3lbs. I'm taking that as a positive sign to get myself going. I'm going to go ahead and weigh in tomorrow too, even though it's close together just so I can maintain my weekend weigh-ins. Tonight I'm making salmon, salad, canned beets, brussel sprouts and sweet corn. Lunch is a leftover hot dog from the 4th of July. I skipped breakfast due to nausea. I think it's from all the congestion and mucous (again, sorry if this is too much info).
I'm still taking the Lexapro. Xanax is intermediately because it makes me feel spacey. But I think the Lexapro is helping.
Monday, July 02, 2012
So, I'm medicated until I can get myself in a better head space and get this anxiety to stop choking me to death. My weight loss and the impending 3-months away wedding has me going mad to the point of hysteria and anxiety attacks. To hell with that! I'm definitely trying to pull myself up from the boot straps now. I can only wallow in self-pity for so long. I'm not built for cowering. I may do it for a little while but then afterwards, the fight continues. Food intake hasn't been the best. Lots of junk. It didn't help that we lost our electric (and A/C) for 36 hours. It contributed to extra stress, no in-house cooking and gluttony (LOL pizza, cheese steaks, cookies and chips galore, which in truth was pretty yucky on my tummy).
My only true concern at this point is the potential for weight gain when it comes to the Lexapro. There is a good chance I may put weight on but at least I won't be having a panic attack. I'm still going to stick to my routine of lots of exercise and staying within my calories. Hopefully, this will counter-act any weight gain associated with the medication. The reviews on it are 50/50. Some people gain and others don't. If I need to end it so that I can maintain my weight, I will. No sense losing 83lbs just to end up gaining some back right before the wedding.
Monday, June 25, 2012
I truly feel lost in a fog. I can't seem to grasp my motivation and make it work toward my advantage. I feel very run down and tired. I thought I was trying so hard but now I think I'm really not. I do feel like a failure; and, it's becoming increasingly more difficult to find anything positive about my self or this weight loss journey. Instead, I just want to eat and sleep. Sleep and eat. It's a struggle to even be at work today. Every time I hear someone tell me that I look like I'm losing more weight, I cringe. I can't stop cringing about my arms. I know what I need to do but I'm afraid that it won't matter- that the sagging will still be there. What fun is losing all this weight if I STILL can't wear pretty clothes? Instead, I'm trying to find an evening dress to HIDE everything. My arms look terrible. I just don't know what to do, how to keep moving forward. I have a set of exercises to do at the gym for my arms, but again, trying to get myself there is becoming an all out war with my inner monologue who keeps saying, on loop, "this isn't going to work. you're getting your hopes up for nothing. these exercises won't make your arms better. why do this? why? why? why?"
Is it too much to ask that all I want to be able to do is feel pretty? I want to be able to live in my own skin and not hate every inch of it. Why lose all this weight just to have arms that sag??
This is my pity party.
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