GREG32572   49,131
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GREG32572's Recent Blog Entries

I need a talented Artist

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Well I have been thinking for a while now that I want to get a sparkpeople tattoo, in case you havent noticed I am a tattoo guy ;)

But I want it to be something special and I would love to have someone work with me to design it. so if any aspiring artists out there feel like spending some time working with me and helping me design a tat I would be MOST appreciative. I have no drawing talet so I need someone who does :)

If more than a few people respond perhaps we can make it a group effort, I know I am asking for help but i am going to particular about what it looks like, I mean I do have to wear this the rest of my life so I want something that pops and that I am proud to wear.


I know I want the spark symbol in there...aside from that I have not begun to visualize what I want. but I know I want something. I am sitting here thinking something with electricity and "sparks' would be good....Anyways if anyone is up to the challenge I would love the help

Greg

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETHHARRIS 6/18/2009 5:55PM

    I'd be up for a SP tattoo! I like your idea of something electric and sparky or a fade effect of the red, blue, yellow, green starburst spark design on the SP logo??

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GRAMMABENJI 6/17/2009 12:00AM

    great idea. when you get it post a pic. modaddy is very good at designing

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WORLDTRAV 6/16/2009 10:58PM

    That is so cool -- I wish I could help you. Your dedication is inspiring! Good luck!

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MOBAYGIRL 6/16/2009 10:57PM

    Hey guy MBD is my husband, he is an artist in his spare time and I read him your blog. He is working up an idea for you so where do you want it sent? SPARKMAIL me and let me know. Oh yeah and where do you think you want this tattoo, as you know placement does influence some design.

Comment edited on: 6/16/2009 11:05:38 PM

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A Challenge *throws down the Gauntlet*

Monday, June 15, 2009

Since I am feeling my oats and feeling frisky the last week or so due to some improvements in my life I figured I would start talking some smack and throw out some challenges :D

I was talking with someone about how I went yard saleing and I dragged home yet more exercise equipment that other people didn't use and I probably wouldn't either (I am a sucker for a good deal)

So it got me to thinking about how many of us out there had stuff we bought and tossed into the closet never even opened or maybe we used it once and then abandoned it.

So here is the challenge to dig out a piece of exercise equipment, or a book, or magazine, or video...something you bought to "change your life" and either never used it or gave up on it, either way it sits collecting dust or as a coat rack somewhere. So dig it out and lets use our stuff for 30 days and see what it can really do. You arent competing against anyone but yourself, no one is going to "win", there are no prizes aside from better health and maybe changing a habit or 2, if thats not your idea of a good time then we don't need you anyways you'll just drag us down, those of you who are up to a little bit of a challenge lets see what we can do.

Today is Monday June 15th, 2009 4:25 PM Lets say on June 22, 2009 as soon as you wake up this challenge starts. This gives you time to

A. Dig out whatever it is you are going to utilized

B. Make a plan on how you are going to use it and make sure that you use it

C Get together any tools you might need in order to accomplish said goal


So who is up for it? I am going to do it anyways so don't worry about me if you are not feeling it..I don't really need anyone else to play along I just thought it might be fun.

I'll be over here just pick up the gauntlet and head this way

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREG32572 7/21/2009 10:05PM

    Well I finally messed around till I got myself a legitimate excuse to not do anything *chuckles*
I have had a herniated disk in my bad for a few years now. I'ts been pretty good for a while now, although pain killers
really help to keep it in line. The last week or so it has reminded me who is in charge and its been really hard to do much of anything
little lone the extra stuff I set out for myself to do.

So all my posts have been quiet. I have not had anything to report so I did not report it, I should be reporting everyday reguardless
of if I have done anything or not, why should anyone else report if I am not? Ill do better on that I promise.

So now I am laid up like an 80 year old elderly person, I have to plan out each movement through out my day, picking up a sock off the floor now becomes
a "job" instead of a task.

Well this would be a great time to let stuff "slide" but I have already been doing that the last few weeks anyways so now I need to step up
and find a way to make things happen. I have been researching things like exercise for people with bad backs...hell even stuff for senior citizens
I figure if I am moving like one maybe I can use what they do to get back to where I need to be. It is a blow to the ego
especially my male driven ego but I can't get to where I want to be if I let that get in my way.

I am actually missing doing my pushups...its nice to "feel" progress in something. I need to get back on that really quick

Ill rework my plan here and figure out what the heck I am doing. I am going out of town tomorrow and ill be back on Friday.
I'll set a date of monday 7/27/09 to have a reworked plan of sorts in place. If I have not done anything by then someone kick me in the butt
I know there are a few of you out there who will relish the thought of smacking me ;)


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GREG32572 7/12/2009 12:55PM

    Well the last few weeks have been "interesting" to say the least *chuckles*

A few weeks ago I was standing on top of the world, I was feeling great.

My body hummed with an electricity I had not felt in I don't know how many years, I think I was actually happy and felt happy for once, and then in the blink of an eye it all came toppling down.

This has made me be more aware and appreciate the light days so when the dark ones come I know what I am striving to get back too. It reminds me of a quote from the movie BLOW:

Fred Jung: Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on.

I would only change that slightly to "when your up you never think you'll be down again"


Once minute I was master of my domain and all that I survey, and now I just want to burn it all to the ground. Its funny how quickly life will twist and turn on you, yet that is the ebb and flow of our lives. This is the GO time, we think that we are working out fingers to the bone to get to a "better" place in our lives, if we can just get THIS we will be happy or if we can just accomplish THAT..life will be GREAT..

I think we have it backwards to a certain extent. I don't think we ever stop to appreciate the good things in life we only focus on the bad, least thats how it seems to me I can't speak for the rest of you. We strive for the "good" and ignore the "bad" when in reality it should be the other way around, well maybe not the other way around per say but I think we should relish the challenges in life more than we do the good times.

Hmmm I feel myself digging a hole that I can explain away in my mind yet I cannot find the words to put on paper. I guess all I am trying to say is we will spend far more time in the challenges of life than we ever will in the victory, yet all we strive for is the victory and I think we forget to be mindful of the challenge and the journey we are on. I feel its truly the hard things in life that make us who we are, those are the experience we should pay attention to and remind ourselves of, that way when we get that brief moment of victory we can savor it and enjoy every second of it.

My first response is to hide away and not tell people what is going on with me..

I don't mind sharing my life, its just when I am down in it I am not too keen on letting people know how bad things are. If I share after then I have beaten it and I am rising to my feet again, now I am down on my knees and my head is being forced towards the ground in submission.

But I opened this door so I cannot very well close it now, otherwise everything I say I believe in and stand for doesn't mean crap. Its easy to speak the words but SO very much harder to live them. But I guess that's what builds conviction and character.

Part of me feels like a failure because I set out to do some things but I am not really doing them, on the flip side of the coin I have not thrown the towel in like I normally would. Like today for instance I stuck to my plan (for the most part) but I did not do my gauntlet challenge yet.

The last few days I have not felt like doing anything and I did nothing, well then again its a matter of perspective. A few days I could have overeaten and I did not...other times I should have been better but I did over eat. Like yesterday for instance..I had 1 slice of pizza for lunch when in reality I wanted to eat both of them but I gave my mom a piece...

well some of it she only ate half and I finished it *chuckles* but the mindset was different then normal, my first thought was to buy 3 pieces and give her one so I could have my 2...but I did not..I also got a bottle of water to drink instead of soda or something "sweet" so those are little victories for myself...

I feel like I tarnish them when I share them, but I honestly am not bragging..I know some of you feel that I am a little too full of myself and I crave attention..which I admit could be possibly true to a certain extent..I realized lately my ego is a little big bigger than it should be *chuckles* but believe it or not I don't share what I share for compliments or pity or to seem like I am better than anyone else. I only do it because some of you seem to connect with me and it helps..I really don't know why..

but I don't care if it helps I'll share it..and in the end I will share it because I do love the sound of my own voice even if i am the only one listening.


So last night for supper we cooked out on the grill. I had the opportunity to have a decent day but at the very end I dropped the ball *chuckles* we had bbq chicken thighs (boneless/skinless) cheeseburgers and some pork burgers. We discovered ground pork at the store and thought it might make a good burger, which really it was nothing special in my opinion an don't something I would do again. But I had a piece of chicken and 2 cheeseburgers and part of a pork burger, suffice to say I was FULL by the time I was done. I crossed the line *chuckles* and I felt like crap because of it, on top of that I pretty much binged/inhaled my food. so over all not a banner moment in the course of my day.

Although I feel like I am failing I need to realize that even though I did not have a '"perfect" day, which really there is no such thing...some days are better than others..some days are not so good...its simply how it is..no matter how it is all that matters is I am not where I was before.

Maybe I am not where I want to be but that is my fault, and that is not being negative its being honest. If I put more effort into watching what I ate, following my plan and exercising like I KNOW that I need to..I would be further on down the path than I am right now..but I CHOOSE to do things my own way and I am paying the price for it...yet I am still making progress and I realize this so in a sense no matter how badly I feel I am clawing ahead inch by inch and I am winning battles

I just think its important for people to see that we ALL struggle...we ALL fall...we ALL feel like giving up at any given time...no one is perfect all the time and THAT'S the reason I share all that I do..I really don't want people telling me it will be ok or this or that...maybe it seems like that but it truly is not my intention..*chuckles* that amuses me to no end I say I don't care what people say yet I feel the need to clarify my actions..ahhh well life is a walking contradiction at times..I guess I feel good that at least I recognize it and I am not blindly stumbling around.

We all have challenges...always have always will...like the quotes I post say it really is HOW we rise to meet them that matters

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GREG32572 7/9/2009 8:24PM

    *sweeps up the dust and shoo's out the crickets*

I am feeling a bit red faced as I am the one who ran my mouth about this and I am the one who's goal tracking log is constantly behind.

I am on again off again with just about everything but most specifically with my gauntlet challenge. Even when I do it I feel like I am "cheating"

Most days its a struggle to just get through using the dvd I am doing...its 10 minutes of stretching..not like I am really kicking my own butt or anything *chuckles* But I have been doing the same thing for 2 weeks now..my original plan was to use a diff dvd each week. But I slid back seeing as how I could barely use this one as much as I said I was going too. I need to rework my challenge a bit I have just not figured out what I need to do per say.


If I keep thinking about it I am never going to get anything accomplished because I will fight with myself the whole way...so I need to suck it up and take my own advice and JUST DO IT.

I'll write more soon :) I'll figure it out, I haven't quit yet and that's a change from the "norm"
this is just the time when the new car smell has worn off and the fun has faded and the true work begins. I so loath this stage its one of my greatest nemesis but this is where the rubber meets the road so to speak. The time for challenge and rising is upon me



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A
dded at 9:46 pm 7/09/09

I accomplished my gauntlet task for today. It wasn't perfect mind you but I don't care I got it done that's all I give a rats behind about!

Comment edited on: 7/9/2009 9:47:10 PM

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GREG32572 7/6/2009 10:52PM

    Well I accomplished everything I set out to for today. I have been thinking about my gauntlet challenge for a week now, some days I do it some days I do not. someone brought up a good point in a post


""Persevere, my good man. You said yourself we can modify our goals. Clearly you aren't having much fun with yours- keep what's working and try something new to fill the void from the part that isn't. Small increments - several 10 minute workouts a day...do something that makes you laugh while you're doing it! DO NOT GIVE UP on yourself. That's the only rule. Am I right?"" (thanks Zeldapliff)


Part of me is wanting to smack myself around and tell me to toughen up and get the job done because that's what I tell other people. The other part of me is in tune with the words from up above because I have said those to others. Now I just need to reconcile my 2 half's to find a common ground.

We all have to do things in life we don't enjoy, that's just a part of life, not real way around it. so if you dislike exercising what then? I have to re-evaluate my challenge for myself, because almost as important as actually doing what I set out to is the concept of building consistency and proving to myself I can change my old habits and build new ones. Perhaps I bit off more than I could chew in the beginning, or perhaps I am not pushing myself hard enough. I suppose I could drive my self crazy trying to figure out which one it is, and maybe its a combination of both. I am conflicted on what to do really so I think my initial step will be to modify my challenge to give me another option of something different to do so when I have those days I just don't feel like it I have an "out"

I am aware of the situation and whats going on so I think rather quickly I am either going to realize I made the right choice because its helping me get to my goals in a different direction or I am going to realize that I am not pushing as hard as I can and that I need to suck it up and get the job done. Either way both paths will lead me to the same place, both paths hold there own merits, and either way both paths will slowly combine into the road I am on

Comment edited on: 7/6/2009 10:59:35 PM

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GREG32572 7/4/2009 10:02PM

    Well its been an on again off again week. I honestly don't know how many days I achieved my goal this week, my tracking has been off. I did everything yesterday, and I may have done it the day before. Today I made the choice not to do it. I have company for 5 days which makes it difficult to stick to a routine but its not impossible.

I just decided to do everything else but my gauntlet challenge today. I kind of feel like I am spinning my wheels yet I am moving forward at the same time. I am still making forward progress so I won't dissect it and analyze it to much like normal, I have to be vigilant though otherwise the conscious "choices" will start to become and habit and I will start to think "well I made the choice so its ok" I guess I am in a transition period here, part of me thinks I should cut myself a little slack because I am doing far better now then I really have before ever in my life, yet the part of me that has awakened knows I need to keep pushing forward and that I could be doing more than I am doing.

I feel like a reckoning is coming in the very near future, what exactly this means I have no idea. I pray I am ready for it

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GREG32572 7/1/2009 5:46PM

    After more than a few days "off" I got back to my gauntlet challenge. Part of me feels like I "cheated" but part of me does not. I mean its my challenge I owe no one but myself but I will contemplate more on this later.

I started with the stretching video. And I have been doing the sitting stretches (most) of the week. There is standing..sitting and floor. I started with sitting its about 10 minutes. today instead of switching DVD's to something else I did sitting AND standing. So by the base description of what I wanted to do I have accomplished my goal. I am using something I never have before and week to week I change what I am doing. I will modify this as I go along but important thing for me is after and absence of 2-3 days I have returned to doing what I need to do. Ill be bloggin on this whole experience here soon as I have had allot of thoughts over the past few days

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GREG32572 6/27/2009 12:35AM

    Not really much to report today I banged out what I had to do in a pretty quick fashion, I almost cut myself short on time but I managed to get it all done.. I am going to have to add some more to this I can tell. I might start a new DVD and do 2 a day. We shall see how it goes...so far so good :)

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GREG32572 6/26/2009 12:00AM

    Well the midnight hour rapidly approached yet I got my stuff done just in time. Yesterday I did not manage to get my gauntlet challenge done.

I was out of my routine, partly my fault. I did not get up in time to give myself proper time to get everything done, I did initially but the person I was going with that day wanted to leave early, I am not blaming them I should have been up earlier to get this stuff done. So I missed one day, its bound to happen and I almost missed it today too. Our power went out last night and I can't sleep without my cpap machine keeps me breathing..so no power no sleep so I stayed in bed longer than I should have, but I got up and was out of my routine 2 days in a row. I got everything done today just not in the way I should have.

We will all have days we slip, drag yourself back to your feet and get it done!!! I was very close to letting this be the 2nd day in a row but I sucked it up at the final hour and gone it done. It wasnt pretty but I held my commitment to myself. I hope in the future I am better prepared to meet these needs, but at least now I know that when life does not go according to plan (which it wont often) I know now I can pick up the pieces and still make it work, you can too! When it comes to crunch time you can either say the heck with it and let it slide or you can do what needs to be done to get the job done. I did this time, I hope I find the strength next time but if I don't then I need to the following time, no one is going to make me healthy for me. I must do this myself, WE must do this ourselves!!!


PS: Everyone taking this challenge please join The Gauntlet Team!!! I plan doing this for 30 days and if enough people care interested we will keep doing challenges every month

Come join..introduce yourself and make your own tracking post!!!

www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/g
roups_individual.asp?gid=34320

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GREG32572 6/24/2009 12:13AM

    I wrote this for another post I did but really it covers my day so I am posting it here too :D


Well I learned a few things today. Mainly that ROUTINE is my key to success.

Ever since I started my plan of action I have had some difficulty completing all the goals I set for myself, I could not really figure out why I was just not doing it.

Yesterday it hit me I needed to move some things around. I go out in the living room and sit in my chair to read 5 pages out of a book and read my Tao of Recovery book, I could not figure out why I could not simply read one of the hand outs I have, well I discovered when I move the stack of handouts to the living room beside my chair and when I read those right after my books it works out a whole lot better *chuckles*

I also discovered I can be allot more successful in accomplishing my exercise goals if I do them after I do my meditation. I started doing 8 minute breathing meditation and I found that combined with the tapping helped me to get right up and go into my Tai-chi as soon as I was done with meditating, and as soon as I am finished with Tai-chi I launch into my gauntlet challenge of using the exercise video. I can't speak as to what might work for you but if you are having a hard time doing stuff don't be afraid to switch it up and do things in a different order, its almost like night and day simply by doing them in a specific order for me.

I also notice that since I am noticing some results from doing my push ups I want to do them. Granted they are wall push ups but its what I can do so I am doing it. The first few days my arms hurt so bad when I was doing it that I felt like maybe I was damaging myself, but I sucked it up and worked through it...4 days later it became easier to do them so I started doing a 4th set on the counter, that's lower so it makes it harder to do. Today I started doing 3 sets of 15, one on the counter (which is a challenge) one on the wall regular and one on the wall diamond style, let me tell you my arms were on FIRE when I was done and I couldn't be happier, I let out some 4 letter expletives that I can't mention here but I was pretty pleased with myself.

Find what works for you, I don't care what works for other people, I don't care what "experts say" and you shouldn't either, if its safe, its helping and it works for you who gives a crap what anyone else thinks? People love to sit back and tell you how your not doing something right or that you can't reach your goals doing it your own way, let them stick it in their ear, whatever it takes to get the job done safely and to ensure your on a road to better health so be it.

The choice as always is YOURS!!!


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MOBAYGIRL 6/22/2009 11:24PM

    OK I dug out my crunchless abs DVD, dusted it off and did it.....what did y'all do???

6/23 Dug out my Belly dance for weight loss Hip Hop Hip drop and did 45 mins of sweatin..... and Y'all hello???? Anyone???? emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/23/2009 5:59:02 PM

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GREG32572 6/22/2009 5:32PM

    Well I had to change my challenge slightly. After reading the material and seeing warning after warning on the videos I decided not to do the typical male thing and just do it anyways, the P90X has strict warnings about if you are not in semi good shape don't do it because you will hurt yourself. At first I was like screw it lets go but then I thought maybe this would be a good time to listen to reason.

One herniated disk in the back is MORE than enough or more *chuckles* so I put the P90x at the back of the bunch..FOR NOW..I will be coming for you later!!!

So I dug out my wimps collection of stuff (you'll see what I mean) I selected at least 4 video's to work on in the next 30 days. 1 per week.. my goal will be to do this at least 5-7 days a week. I might take 2 days rest if need be. But 5 days a week is minimum, I will push myself for more.

So the first video I did today was called

Total Stretch for Beginners: With Tamilee. Its part of the Naturaljourneys collections.

It has 2 workouts Total Stretch for Beginners and Beginners stretch for flexibility.

I worked with the Total Stretch for Beginners, inside of that it breaks down further into

Standing/Seated/Sitting Stretch programs. Each one is about 10 minutes.

I started off light with the seated one, I will probably move to the standing one as well, the sitting on the floor one I am not sure about (yet)

But I did it, seemed pretty easy, I defiantly felt the stretch, there was only one exercise I was not able to do (yet) so overall a good first day I am pleased with myself.

The other videos I will use are:

Pilates for Wimps

Bellydance for Wimps

Chi Kung for health: six seated meditations

and I also have back ups:

Easy Pilates

Bellydance Fitness for Beginners



How did you all do?

I will be figuring out how to track this and be sending people emails to bug them (in a positive way) very soon. I am not fully together like I should be..my bad *grins* But don't let my slip ups be an excuse to derail yourself. Also you don't have to explain anything to me or anyone else of what you did or why you did or did not do it.

The only person you have to explain something to is the person in the mirror and if you want to give excuses to them well none of us can help you, your on your own in that retrospect like we all are. You can be accountable and you can hold yourself accountable..

Stop worrying about it and just do it, no I don't want to hear it.

JUST DO IT!!!!!!

its that simple...anything else is an excuse...harsh but
true...and I don't want to hear your excuses I have a hard enough time deflecting my own...go in the
bathroom and feed them to someone who will take them ;) But I hope they don't!!!!!!


PS: I was thinking that maybe I would start a group to track all of this in..yes I know the groans are
starting..."not another group" well I will let majority decide if enough people think its a good idea I'll do it, really all I need is a few semi motivated people who will contribute and we are off and running...nothing I hate more than being the only person in a group saying anything...I mean I LOVE the sound of my own voice but I can talk to myself here I don't need to post it :D


Those who don't want to join a group...don't *shrugs* I don't care...I won't be upset its not for my benefit anyways what you do...well I guess the group would be for MY benefit..but you joining or not joining is not really for my benefit its YOURS!!! Although it would be great to have you there so we could encourage each other :)



PPS: Actually I changed my mind I am starting a group if you want to join then join ;)

If this goes well then maybe we will have a 30 day challenge every month. We will see how it goes and take it from there.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/my
spark/groups_individual.asp?gid
=34320


emoticon

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MISSBEAR11 6/16/2009 10:48PM

    How about the spark icon and a little guy in a ballerina costume dancing around it. That would definitely make peoples eyes pop out ... I mean, it would pop. lol Wish I could help you but I'm autistic not artistic.

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MOBAYGIRL 6/15/2009 10:13PM

    I have my crunchless abs DVD ready to roll! Challenge accepted!

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MISSBEAR11 6/15/2009 9:37PM

    Count me in.

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GREG32572 6/15/2009 7:48PM

    Since I post to a few forums this might not apply directly to the thread in this forum but it does... yes confusing I know after I say what I have to say if you read everything it might make more sense *chuckles* or not.

But the response has been GREAT!! I am pretty pleased so many people liked the idea. However I see a few of you stragglers still sitting on the fence....YES I am talking to you...what's with the "I might do this" COMMEEEEEE ON...for once just agree to do it. I am about as lazy a male as you can find, you could find one worse but you would have to work on it *grins* none of this maybe CRAP...you are either in or out..Yes or No..maybe it not an option, it's not going to kill you, well then again it depends on what you are doing I guess but i take no responsibility for that...actually maybe I should print a warning to cover myself..hmmmmm

So no more maybes....lets just do it :D I think it will be a personal sense of accomplishment to be able to say "ya I had a goal, I made a plan and I followed through on in" Maybe you have never had that feeling before, maybe you have, maybe you have it all the time, but honestly can it EVER get old? I think not. Yes I am a pain in the butt, but its suppose to be a CHALLENGE...otherwise I would have said "say uhh hey guys maybe we should.."


Jump in with both feet the waters fine!!

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Seek N Strike **READ THE WARNING**

Sunday, June 14, 2009

**THE WARNING** If rough language upsets you please do not view this blog as it is uncut and not censored but if you are old enough and the F word does not bother you then please read.


This is a song by a band called SoulFly. They are pretty heavy so I don't imagine many of my spark friends will enjoy them *chuckles*

But I was going about my business getting ready for the day when I hear them scream this lyric out

Here we go...I'd rather die on my feet
Here we go...Than keep living on my knees

And I was instantly hooked, I was like HELL YA!!! Thats awesome!!! Life seems to want to fight me every step of the way so I am preparing to fight right back. I have lived life on my knees for far too long. So I really dug this. I am not sure who else might appreciate it but I shared it anyways



Here we go...Another day, another strike
Here we go...It's the living sacrifice
Here we go...Against your bulls**t ways
Here we go...Against your false pretend
Here we go...Another day, another hour
Here we go...Take back the power
Here we go...I'd rather die on my feet
Here we go...Than keep living on my knees

Here we go...Another day, another strike
Here we go...Jumpdaf**kup and fight
Here we go...Another place, another tribe
Here we go...No, we won't take your bribe
Here we go...Another day, another night
Here we go...With this music unite
Here we go...Another freedom fight
Here we go...God bless me inside

Seek 'N' Strike
Seek 'N' Strike
Strike

Here we go...Another day, another strike
Here we go...It's the living sacrifice
Here we go...Against your bulls**t ways
Here we go...Against your false pretend
Here we go...Another day, another hour
Here we go...Take back the power
Here we go...I'd rather die on my feet
Here we go...Than keep living on my knees

Here we go...Another day, another strike
Here we go...It's time to react
Here we go...Yeah we come full effect
Here we go...Attitude and respect
Here we go...Another day, another Night
Here we go...Protest and survive
Here we go...Yeah soulfly tribe
Here we go...It's time to arise

Seek 'N' Strike
Seek 'N' Strike
Strike

  


The Power of One: Do You Have What it Takes?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=the
_power_of_one_do_you_have_what_it_takes


A dear spark friend passed this along to me (Thank you Sasi)
after she thought about it her final question was "Do we have what it takes to go it alone?"

My response to her was

"" Yes that story is good stuff :) People can do anything they want if they put there mind to it, I believe we just struggle actually putting our mind to it..or getting past the thought it's not possible or even keeping at it after we have failed so many times in a row. But anything is possible :) ""


We All have within us great personal power to do anything we want, most of us just don't know how to access that power, or perhaps we have been beaten down so much in our lives we just don't believe we can accomplish anything. They say what the mind believes the body can achieve, I believe that to be true, the mind is a very powerful tool. I think more often times than not we let it work against us, we listen to what the world has to say, we let other people tell us what we can and cannot do. All the time I read or hear about stories of people who do the impossible, they live when science has said they will most certainly die, they accomplish incredible things when everyone around them has told them its not possible, they failed 100000 times in a row and felt like giving up yet the 100001 they did it they finally found success.

You can read all the stuff you want, listen to all the people you want, try every trick in the book to accomplish what you want, its my feeling you won't ever get where you want until you sit down with yourself and realize it's only you in this race, sure there are a bunch of other people who might support you, but in the end it's just you. Be ok with that, and then decide if you can believe in yourself because YOU are the only person that you need to believe in you. If you can't believe in yourself then what hope do you have? It doesn't matter what you have done in the past, it doesn't matter what you did yesterday or 5 minutes ago, its gone. In the books, cant be changed, its meaningless. All that matters is THE NOW! You control what you do now so make it count!!!

You know the difference between a champion and the rest of us? The champion believes they can accomplish whatever they are setting out to do, and even the times they have doubts they don't stop they keep going, keep working towards there goal. The champion is the one who is out in there yard shooting 1000 baskets when they would much rather be hanging out with there friends. The champion is the one who gets up in the morning and forces themselves to go to the gym when its the last place on earth they want to be. The champion does what is needed even if they don't want too. We all have a champion within us, and its 100% our choice if we unleash it or not. You can sit there and say "I have tried I just cant do it" or that "I would like to eat better but other people in my house prevent me from doing it" You can use any and all of the excuses in the book, maybe they are actually valid excuses, it's still and excuses, a champion finds a way.

Anyone reading this has the power to change there lives, it is within you. You just have to do the work to discover it...you just have to deal with the pain and discomfort that comes when you have to make a choice about doing whats right for you and doing what you want to do.

We can sit here and blame everyone under the sun for why we can't do the things we want to do and feel bad for ourselves...I have done it for far to many years and I am SICK TO DEATH of that crap!!! It's time to look at the person in the mirror and take some personal responsibility, if anyone is to blame its the person staring back at you because they have not made the effort they could.

You can ignore this post if you want, if it strikes a cord with you great! If it makes you angry then you might need to sit back and really think about WHY it makes you angry *grins* chances are when something upsets me it might have struck a little too close to home.

I don't really care what you do with your life, I do want everyone to live a happy and healthy life and to accomplish their goals, but if you are content to sit there and wallow in your own misery so be it, don't let me stop you I can't stop you anyways only you can. I've done it for far to many years of my life, I have wasted far too many years of my life. I don't want to do this anymore. However if you are happy or at least content with how your life is...rock on...all this is just how I feel and how I view the world, it has nothing to do with you or your life, you do whatever you want ;) I hope some of you reading this will make the choice to be a champion and change your lives, there really is more to life that what we are living now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOANNA2 6/22/2009 6:46PM

    The power of one - Ah how true!
I was reading your blog and really found
the inspiration to try to change as I am the only one
who can actually do something about the way I am
living as I do have a choice and maybe I have been
hiding under this cocoon and feeling safe by being
the victim.
I certainly will rethink my way of living and gain some
of my independence back.
Thanks for the blog, it was jsut what I needed to wake up.
emoticon

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MOBAYGIRL 6/15/2009 12:33AM

    There are so damn many things in this life that are totally out of our control and I have said it many many many times...The only thing we truly have control over is ourselves! If we do not claim that control, take that control, own that control anything we do accomplish because of someone else will not last. We all can use the help of a friend, the motivation or inspiration of seeing someone succeed but if we fail to take control we will never have what it takes to succeed, to be a Champion. To make a lasting life long change.

Thank you so much for your thought provoking blog.... I am taking control, I have the power to go it alone, the power of ONE because I own that control!


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MISSBEAR11 6/14/2009 1:41PM

    Yes we can, yes we can, yes we can and yes we dang well will!!!!! Hugs.

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My Plan of Action

Friday, June 12, 2009

(Those of you who were following my sugar experiment it has been absorbed into a much larger life experiment , I will do my best to keep reporting on it with my daily updates but I will cease to do so in the sugar experiment blogs and do so here in The Plan)

The Plan:
Well I keep telling everyone else they need to have a plan and I keep posting quotes about success and planning and being prepared I guess itís high time I followed my own advice.


I had an excellent appointment today with the dietitian at the hospital. Because I am diabetic they sent me to her to see if she could help regulate my diet.

I really didnít expect much going in; to be honest most medical people I deal with have the mindset of: What your fat? Well geesh stop eating and exercise and you wonít be fat, or they think overweight people are just stupid and lazy and itís their own fault
(yes the medical people, the ones who are suppose to be helping you get healthy, more than a few of them think this, they did poll..Drís..Nurses..
Dietitians..Therapist)

So itís important to find someone who is on the same page as you when getting help, now someone feeling sorry for you is not what I am talking about..Patting you on the bottom telling you its ok and not your fault, no that is not what we need.


However we do need medical people who are at least aware of the issue and realize itís not that people are stupid, fat and lazy that there is a little more to it than that. Now she did tell me I need to get my crap together and start taking better care of myself, but she gave me some wonderful tools to use so I figured it was finally time to create my POA (thatís not piece of a** either, its PLAN OF ACTION)


You canít build a house without plans, you canít win any sort of game without a plan, most everything in life that requires more than a little effort also requires a plan, why should getting myself healthy be any different?


So I need to gather all my tools and put them in my tool box and craft myself some blue prints

Skills:

Tai Chi & Qi Gong (Chi Kung)

Breathing Meditation

Tapping

Tools:

**I have so many books, DVDís, cd and handouts itís almost disgusting, the real crime is my lack of using them. I have so much that I need to pick out what I think will be the most beneficial to start and go from there. So with that I mind


Books:

I have a stack of books in front of me I plan to be my core tools and I will expand and add to them as I go along. I will name the books and give a description and also provide the Amazon link in case anyone wants to investigate further


The Tapping Cure by: Roberta Temes, PhD:

www.amazon.com/Tapping-Cure-Revoluti
onary-Post-Traumatic-Disorder/dp/15692
43247/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1
244476759&sr=8-1



Product Description
A Revolutionary Way to Heal Phobias, Depression, Anxiety, Anger--in Minutes




The Tao of Recovery by Jerry L

www.amazon.com/Tao-Recovery-Jerry-L/
dp/1412035007/ref=pd_sim_b_5


Product Description
The AA Big Book meets the Tao Teh Ching. Ancient wisdom for present day recovery from addiction.

About the Author
the author is a retired professional in the recovery field. He has fourteen years of 12 Step Recovery experience and is an on-going, active participant. He is a world traveler with thirty years of study of the Tao that includes spending time in Asia. He is a Viet Nam veteran who has used a combination of the ancient wisdom of the Tao and a 12 Step recovery program to face life\'s adventures. Jerry teaches Tai chi Chuan at the Five Elements Healing Arts Center in Houlton, Maine.


**I am very fortunate to know the author as he is the one who guides my tai chi class. An amazing person my life is defiantly richer for knowing him and his book is amazing as well, I will probably spend my lifetime absorbing the wisdom contained within**






8 Minute Meditation by Victor Davich

www.amazon.com/Minute-Meditation-Qui
et-Mind-Change/dp/0399529950/ref=sr_1_
1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244478437&sr=1-1


Review
...Davich's little guide to meditation is indeed humorous, wise, effective, and resolutely nonsectarian... -- Library Journal

Product Description
In recent years, mainstream Americans have begun to come around to meditation in a big way-and scientific studies are suggesting that the physical and mental benefits are solid and real. But to many, it remains something mystical and inaccessible...and spiritually-oriented tomes on the market don't do much to make it easier.


**I started reading this one but never finished, it was decent so far, I got right up until the point I was suppose to start the actual meditation and I figured ďIíll do it tomorrowĒ which is slacker code for I will put it off as long as humanly possible and probably never really do it.

But I have had some experience with breathing meditation, we learned it in tai chi class, If you can breathe and count (which is kind of optional) then you can meditate. Your mind will race, thoughts will jump out at you, but you donít have to be a Zen master to do it. I have had some great experience with breathing meditation and I know that it holds great power. I have a herniated disk in my back for those of you not fortunate enough to have gone through this itís the most intense, excruciating pain. I have ever felt, I would seriously take a kick in the manhood before that pain

ex⋅cru⋅ci⋅at⋅ing
Ėadjective
Extremely painful; causing intense suffering; unbearably distressing; torturing: an excruciating noise; excruciating pain.

So yes it was NOT fun at all. I could stand or lay down but not sit, if I did the pain was unbearable. I had to call my mom to come get me at 3 am and rush me to the hospital.

I live maybe 2-3 miles so itís a fairly quick trip. We didnít even get a minute from the house and I had to have her stop in the middle of the road so I could get out and straighten up. As soon as I got back in, PAIN again.

I was crying and thrashing all about, all of a sudden my tai chi guideís voice came into my head and I heard ďrigid is associated with death and fluid is associated with lifeĒ I calmed myself down and started doing the breathingÖbreath inÖoneÖbreath out ...one and I just kept doing it over and over again.

I managed to hold the pain at bay long enough to get into the ER. The pain was still there but by concentrating on the breathing I managed to hold it off and make it bearable. Once I got to the hospital it took 3 injections of high powered narcotics, one was morphine I donít recall what the other 2 were, 1 was weaker than morphine and the 3rd was stronger.

Suffice to say I was plastered and I could barely walk out of there, but it took that much pain medication to get my back to stop hurting and I was able to control it for a few minutes with breathing. I donít care what you believe I know firsthand, there is something to this stuff 


The Happiness Trap By Russ Harris:

www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Strugg
ling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841/ref=sr
_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244478461&sr=1-1


This book has been touted in various therapy groups as fantastic, I am going to give it a read and see if I can apply what it has in there to my life. More to come on this later


Eat THIS not THAT By: David Zinczenko

www.amazon.com/This-Thousands-Simple
-Swaps-Pounds/dp/1594868549/ref=sr_1_2
?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244479451&sr=8-2


Product Description
Eat what you want, when you want--and watch the pounds disappear!

I am sure everyone has heard of this book by now, I think itís interesting and shall make use of it on my journey to better health.

Introduction to Buddhism By Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

www.amazon.com/Introduction-Buddhism
-Explanation-Buddhist-Life/dp/09789067
72/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244
478260&sr=1-1



I have been spiritually ďlostí for a while now, I do consider myself a Christian, I was raised catholic but I have yet to find what my soul needs from the church, I have always been interested in the ways of Buddhism so I am going to explore to see if there are any answers there I have not found yet.

I also have another book sent to me by a dear sparkfriend (thank you Zippy) That will help me in my Buddhism exploration. Its called

It's Easier Than You Think: The Buddhist Way to Happiness by Sylvia Boorstein

www.amazon.com/Its-Easier-Than-You-T
hink/dp/0062512943/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&
s=books&qid=1244827328&sr=8-1







Hand Outs:

I got some great papers from the dietitian I feel will be very beneficial in my journey I plan on posting and sharing them at some point so everyone can enjoy them But the ones I have are called:

Ten Top Strategies for losing Weight

Learning how to change habits

Zen EatingóTaste more, eat less

Satiety: The secret sauce to weight control

Intuitive Eating Principles

Curbing your appetite for stress-inspired Eating

Clueing in to eating cues

And a bunch of stuff on Distress tolerance


GOALS:

I dare say the most key component of this whole process, just like I canít accomplish my goals without a plan, the plan is pretty useless without goals.

1. To lose the excess weight so I can live a happy and healthy life. My weight loss goal is currently
280-300 pounds.

2. To get off disability and get back to work. I am confident accomplishing goal #1 will help me to accomplish this. If the weight comes off my physical ailments should all but disappear, which means hopefully my back will stop being upset with me and the sleep apnea will disappear and I wonít have to use the CPAP machine at night anymore

3. Through my own journey I hope to be able to take what I have learned and help other people who are struggling and languishing in the same hell I am

4. I would like to have the body of a Greek god *chuckles* the muscular chest, the 6 pack abs, the
whole package. This is really a sub goal. It can be dangerous to get hung up on physical appearance
thatís how harmful mindsets are born. I would like it, and if I put the hard work in I might accomplish
it, then again I might not, some people just arenít built like that no matter how much they work out
so as long as I am healthy I pray that will be enough for me. Actually I am a little fearful of getting all cut and in shape, I am a borderline ego maniac now, Shudder to think of what I would act like if I had the body and confidence to match, it might be an ugly scene *chuckles*

Sub-Goals:

These are the things I want to accomplish once my main goals set me free and allow me to do the things I cannot do now due to my size

1. Skydiving. This is how I plan to celebrate reaching my weight goal, I am going to throw my butt out of an airplane, I dare say I will be scared crap less but I got to do it, you only live once so I want to have no regrets.

2. Snowboarding: I am not much of a fan of skiing but snowboarding looks really fun, when I am a little leaner and my sense of balance is keener I defiantly want to give this a try

3. Kickboxing: I REALLY want to train in kickboxing; I also want to try my hand fighting in the ring. I donít know if I am made for combat, I seem to think I am, however I am not going to know till I step between the ropes. At the very least it will be a great stress reliever

4. To be able to shop at place other than a ďbig menís shopĒ I will relish the day I can pick something off the rack and try it on and buy it. That will be a great day indeed

5. Run a triathlon. It will be a great testament to how far I have come to be able to do something like this, it doesnít matter what place I come in so long as I try it.

My goals as well as my plan will grow and change and mutate as I go along, I am confident I can adapt it on the fly as I need to
To begin with I plan to utilize my tools everyday as follows

Qi Gong (Chi Kung):

I will do 5 exercises off the list I have, 5 isnít that many and I should be able to hold myself on course with it every day. My goal here is to eventually do all of the exercises (there are about 17-22 of them) and then move on to doing it twice a day once in the morning and once at night, then go and take and learn the actual tai chi form. The Chi Kung is kind of what we do for ďwarm upĒ before the form, I have studied the form a little bit but weight and back pain has been a barrier to really study it how I would like to. I will do this right when I get up so that I can have a positive start to my day


Breathing Meditation:

I will at least once a day do 10 breaths (unless I need more) and work towards doing this 3 times a day, once in the morning, noon and night. But once a day will get me started


Tapping:

I am not 100% sure about this yet I have to finish reading the book to get the full scope of what I am suppose to do and what it will do for me, I am skeptical but my mind is open to trying new things, the worst thing that can happen is nothing so I what have I to lose?

I will make reading the tapping book a top priority and push myself to get it done so that I can begin using this

Exercise:

Aside from the Chi Kung/Tai Chi I will also start doing 30 push upís a day, 3 sets of 10. Granted they are going to be wall pushups but you have to start somewhere. As I go along I will incorporate sit ups and leg lifts into my routine I will just have to listen to my body and let it tell me what it can and canít do, I will just have to be on guard so I donít lie to myself because I want to be lazy. I will refine this time line as I go along.

Swimming:

I will work on incorporating swimming in as a regular exercise. To start my goal will be once a week going to the health club and swimming. I will then transition to 2 times a week, then 3 with the ultimate goal being 5 times a week. I will refine this time line as I go along

Martial Arts:

I read in the paper that a local martial arts school teaches Jujitsu. I am going to call and get the information on how much the classís are and when they meet. I am going to have to shed some weight before I can begin this as I need to be able to move around and be pain free, so long as my back bothers me this will prevent me from doing this so the weight must start to come off. Later on down the road I will take kick boxing the time line on this has yet to be determined I will make changes accordingly.

Books:

I have several books I have chosen to use as tools to help me on various topics I find of interest. I will read 5 pages a day from 1 book until I finish it and move on to the next. I may read more if I like but 5 pages is the minimum; I will increase this as I go along and build my routine.

Hand Outs:

I have a plethora of information I have been given and amassed over the years on everything from mindfulness to dealing with eating disorders to distress tolerance.

I will choose at least one hand out a day to read and study and figure out how best to use the information, I will read the same hand out for as long as needed in order to retain the information

Outreach:

I will post my plan and goals and progress online for anyone who is interested, this will ensure I do not isolate myself and give me a small level of accountability, the more public I make what I am doing the less shame I will feel and the more it will help me to work towards my goals.

Suffering in shame and silence is no way to live my life, itís not like I can hide my weight people can obviously see it I might as well acknowledge it and be openly working towards making myself healthy. I wonít let those who judge me bother me, itís there problem not mine.

People are going to start at me when I go out into public; itís a fact of life. I have no idea what they are thinking so I am going to stop assuming they are calling me names and stop putting myself down, instead I am going to just assume they have never seen such a fine specimen of manliness before and they are in awe of it.

So I will let them drink it in. Those people who want to put me down or call me names or laugh, I will work on not letting it bother me, why should it?

Nothing they can say or do will impact my life, if anything it will give me more ambition to achieve my goals, as they say sticks and stone will break my bones but names will never hurt me. I must remember this.

I will continue to post to the forums I post to so that I keep learning from others and hopefully pass along a little information that might be of use to someone else.

This is MY plan to help me achieve a better life, you donít have to agree with it or do it for yourself itís for me, I shared it here, well just to share it.

Take anything helpful from it you want and leave what you donít like, if you donít care for any of it, thatís alright itís for me not you ;)
Make up your own plan! Only you know what works best for you so put it on paper and figure out how to execute it. No one is going to do it for you.


Daily To-Do List:

Get up & make the bed

Do 5 Chi Kung Exercises

Do push ups (3x10)

Feed the Cat & scoop the litter box

Feed the Fish

Sit down and do breathing meditation (10 breaths)

Check blood sugar and track it

Have breakfast & track it on Sparkpeople.com & take meds
Breakfast should be under 500 calories

Send out my Words of Encouragement and do Huddles

Read 5 pages in book

Read and study one of my handouts

Have a snack (2 hours after breakfast)
snack should be no more than 100-200 calories unless meals are going to be later than anticipated

Have lunch & track it on Sparkpeople.com (2 hours after snack)
Work towards lunch being under 10000calories
Have snack (2 hours after lunch)
snack should be no more than 100-200 calories unless meals are going to be later than anticipated
Have supper & track on Sparkpeople.com (2 hours after snack)
Work on having supper be under 1000 calories

The caloric intake goal for the day is no more than 2500 calories.

If I strive for a 400 calorie breakfast, should be easy to do because almost always itís less than this. A 200 calorie snack, then have a 900 calorie lunch (or less) this should be my big meal of the day, then a 200 calorie snack in the afternoon and then an 800 calorie (or less) supper I will achieve my goal of 2500 calories.

I will work to find ways to shave off calories when I can but I must find ways to ensure that I feel full so that I am not temped to binge.

Itís imperative that I keep my meal schedule so that my blood sugar stays regulated, if I can keep that pretty level I should not fall into the traps where I feel hungry and lose control and eat whatever I want.

I will make changes to this accordingly; as I lose weight my caloric intake should be reduced. The thought is you eat 10 calories for every 10 pounds so if I want to weigh 250 pounds I should not eat more than 2500 calories a day and this should ensure I lose weight, I still have to do some investigating on this as some days I feel like I have eating far less than this yet not shed any pounds. I will be mindful of it and adjust my intake as needed.


I will continue my sugar experiment but that shall be assimilated into this much grander plan as I strive for a better, healthier life.


I will not deny myself any sort of food or drink I desire, save drinks like diet soda or sugar free that contains artificial sweeteners, my own personal belief is these are harmful to me and are impeding my weight loss.

If I want something I will eat it, my biggest battle will be to ensure moderation. If I want a piece of cake I can have a piece of cake, I need to ensure itís a reasonable piece of cake and not half of the entire cake.

I need to be mindful of my portions sizes, when I am hungry my eyes are bigger than my stomach and 9 times out of 10 I end up eating more than I should. This is a slippery slope but I will do my best to navigate it and make changes as need be. I know I will fall many times but I will find a way to pick myself up and keep moving forward and learn from each misstep.

I will execute this plan beginning on June 15, 2009. This gives me time to ensure I have all the tools in place I need so that I can be successful. I must work extra hard to be vigilant and not let myself be lazy, when things get tough I have a tendency to throw in the towel , this MUST and WILL change. If I do not do this my only other option is the gastric bypass surgery, I have made a choice I will not walk down that road so now I have to enforce that choice and do what I need to do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREG32572 7/21/2009 11:56PM

    Well I finally messed around till I got myself a legitimate excuse to not do anything *chuckles*
I have had a herniated disk in my bad for a few years now. I'ts been pretty good for a while now, although pain killers
really help to keep it in line. The last week or so it has reminded me who is in charge and its been really hard to do much of anything
little lone the extra stuff I set out for myself to do.

So all my posts have been quiet. I have not had anything to report so I did not report it, I should be reporting everyday reguardless
of if I have done anything or not, why should anyone else report if I am not? Ill do better on that I promise.

So now I am laid up like an 80 year old elderly person, I have to plan out each movement through out my day, picking up a sock off the floor now becomes
a "job" instead of a task.

Well this would be a great time to let stuff "slide" but I have already been doing that the last few weeks anyways so now I need to step up
and find a way to make things happen. I have been researching things like exercise for people with bad backs...hell even stuff for senior citizens
I figure if I am moving like one maybe I can use what they do to get back to where I need to be. It is a blow to the ego
especially my male driven ego but I can't get to where I want to be if I let that get in my way.

I am actually missing doing my pushups...its nice to "feel" progress in something. I need to get back on that really quick

Ill rework my plan here and figure out what the heck I am doing. I am going out of town tomorrow and ill be back on Friday.
I'll set a date of monday 7/27/09 to have a reworked plan of sorts in place. If I have not done anything by then someone kick me in the butt
I know there are a few of you out there who will relish the thought of smacking me ;)

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GREG32572 7/12/2009 12:55PM

    Well the last few weeks have been "interesting" to say the least *chuckles*

A few weeks ago I was standing on top of the world, I was feeling great.

My body hummed with an electricity I had not felt in I don't know how many years, I think I was actually happy and felt happy for once, and then in the blink of an eye it all came toppling down.

This has made me be more aware and appreciate the light days so when the dark ones come I know what I am striving to get back too. It reminds me of a quote from the movie BLOW:

Fred Jung: Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on.

I would only change that slightly to "when your up you never think you'll be down again"


Once minute I was master of my domain and all that I survey, and now I just want to burn it all to the ground. Its funny how quickly life will twist and turn on you, yet that is the ebb and flow of our lives. This is the GO time, we think that we are working out fingers to the bone to get to a "better" place in our lives, if we can just get THIS we will be happy or if we can just accomplish THAT..life will be GREAT..

I think we have it backwards to a certain extent. I don't think we ever stop to appreciate the good things in life we only focus on the bad, least thats how it seems to me I can't speak for the rest of you. We strive for the "good" and ignore the "bad" when in reality it should be the other way around, well maybe not the other way around per say but I think we should relish the challenges in life more than we do the good times.

Hmmm I feel myself digging a hole that I can explain away in my mind yet I cannot find the words to put on paper. I guess all I am trying to say is we will spend far more time in the challenges of life than we ever will in the victory, yet all we strive for is the victory and I think we forget to be mindful of the challenge and the journey we are on. I feel its truly the hard things in life that make us who we are, those are the experience we should pay attention to and remind ourselves of, that way when we get that brief moment of victory we can savor it and enjoy every second of it.

My first response is to hide away and not tell people what is going on with me..

I don't mind sharing my life, its just when I am down in it I am not too keen on letting people know how bad things are. If I share after then I have beaten it and I am rising to my feet again, now I am down on my knees and my head is being forced towards the ground in submission.

But I opened this door so I cannot very well close it now, otherwise everything I say I believe in and stand for doesn't mean crap. Its easy to speak the words but SO very much harder to live them. But I guess that's what builds conviction and character.

Part of me feels like a failure because I set out to do some things but I am not really doing them, on the flip side of the coin I have not thrown the towel in like I normally would. Like today for instance I stuck to my plan (for the most part) but I did not do my gauntlet challenge yet.

The last few days I have not felt like doing anything and I did nothing, well then again its a matter of perspective. A few days I could have overeaten and I did not...other times I should have been better but I did over eat. Like yesterday for instance..I had 1 slice of pizza for lunch when in reality I wanted to eat both of them but I gave my mom a piece...

well some of it she only ate half and I finished it *chuckles* but the mindset was different then normal, my first thought was to buy 3 pieces and give her one so I could have my 2...but I did not..I also got a bottle of water to drink instead of soda or something "sweet" so those are little victories for myself...

I feel like I tarnish them when I share them, but I honestly am not bragging..I know some of you feel that I am a little too full of myself and I crave attention..which I admit could be possibly true to a certain extent..I realized lately my ego is a little big bigger than it should be *chuckles* but believe it or not I don't share what I share for compliments or pity or to seem like I am better than anyone else. I only do it because some of you seem to connect with me and it helps..I really don't know why..

but I don't care if it helps I'll share it..and in the end I will share it because I do love the sound of my own voice even if i am the only one listening.


So last night for supper we cooked out on the grill. I had the opportunity to have a decent day but at the very end I dropped the ball *chuckles* we had bbq chicken thighs (boneless/skinless) cheeseburgers and some pork burgers. We discovered ground pork at the store and thought it might make a good burger, which really it was nothing special in my opinion an don't something I would do again. But I had a piece of chicken and 2 cheeseburgers and part of a pork burger, suffice to say I was FULL by the time I was done. I crossed the line *chuckles* and I felt like crap because of it, on top of that I pretty much binged/inhaled my food. so over all not a banner moment in the course of my day.

Although I feel like I am failing I need to realize that even though I did not have a '"perfect" day, which really there is no such thing...some days are better than others..some days are not so good...its simply how it is..no matter how it is all that matters is I am not where I was before.

Maybe I am not where I want to be but that is my fault, and that is not being negative its being honest. If I put more effort into watching what I ate, following my plan and exercising like I KNOW that I need to..I would be further on down the path than I am right now..but I CHOOSE to do things my own way and I am paying the price for it...yet I am still making progress and I realize this so in a sense no matter how badly I feel I am clawing ahead inch by inch and I am winning battles

I just think its important for people to see that we ALL struggle...we ALL fall...we ALL feel like giving up at any given time...no one is perfect all the time and THAT'S the reason I share all that I do..I really don't want people telling me it will be ok or this or that...maybe it seems like that but it truly is not my intention..*chuckles* that amuses me to no end I say I don't care what people say yet I feel the need to clarify my actions..ahhh well life is a walking contradiction at times..I guess I feel good that at least I recognize it and I am not blindly stumbling around.

We all have challenges...always have always will...like the quotes I post say it really is HOW we rise to meet them that matters

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GREG32572 7/7/2009 9:51PM

    OUCCCHHHHHH that's all I can say after posting today's food totals. Man that crept up on me FAST.

Well I knew my first misstep was the McDonald's breakfast, well not really I planned on having it, but it was WHAT I had that rather set the tone for the day. Normally I have 2 breakfast burrito's which pack a little bit of a punch I'll admit, but today I decided to go with the fancy Mcskillet burrito's, which were allot more expensive and should have clued me in I was asking for trouble *chuckles I got them and they were "ok" not worth the price, the cheap ones they offer are far better in my opinion. So that was breakfast. I bought a bottle of coke later on in the day and I nursed that throughout the day, so I did not swill it down.


For lunch we had some kick butt pizza at this little shop, I had water to drink and I only had 2 pieces which is pretty good for me. My calorie total for the day is almost 3200 YIKES!!! The only good thing is I don't believe I ate that much..the breakfast I know is dead on..lunch (pizza) was not as many calories as I put down but I would rather overestimate what I eat then under. I think its mostly accurate, I don't think I ate more, least I hope not. No I am pretty sure I did not.


Even still the calories really got away from me today, and the funny thing is I thought I had a pretty good day, had it not been for breakfast I MIGHT have slid by with an ok day, but I did it no sense beating myself up now, I just need to watch myself better next time, had I went with my initial thought and got 2 breakfast burrito's instead of the "mcskillet" ones I would have only consumed about 600 calories for breakfast instead of 1200+ But I let my gut do the ordering and I got greedy knowing those ones were probably bigger than what I should have or what I needed, but I did it anyways so it was my choice and I made it, I have to live with it.

Just let my missteps be a learning experience for you, pay closer attention to what you are actually doing. I fall too easily into thinking I am ok and I let my guard down, NEVER let your guard down EVER. You have to be vigilant ALWAYS. This is a lesson I am still learning and I suspect its going to be a while before I drill this into my head *chuckles* but at least I am aware and I am learning.

I allow my arrogance to cloud my judgment at times. For me the line between arrogance and confidence is often razor thin, at times I think I dip over the line without realizing it. I do my best to keep myself in check but like everything else its a daily task, some days I win some days I lose, but I will win the war


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GREG32572 7/7/2009 12:05AM

    Got all my stuff done today. Not a great day food wise, but not really all that bad. I could have made better choices to be sure, but I could have done worse. Overall I am pleased. Tomorrow is a brand new day to make things better.

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GREG32572 7/4/2009 10:12PM

    Day???....July 4th 2009

Not a banner day food wise but overall not bad. I enjoyed myself at the BBQ but did not really overdo it like I have in the past. I did have some lemonade today which was delicious but I did not swill to much of it. I drank water with most of my meal and I even skipped the very yummy strawberry shortcake for dessert, I was full so figured I would say no.

Had a couple of pieces of pizza for supper which was not bad. I did everything but read my hand out and do my tai-chi today. The night is not over with yet so I still have the chance to do at least one of these and make it almost a complete day. Things are really weird right now, but I am not throwing myself down in the gutter like I normally do so I am going to keep running with it, at least I am still moving forward.

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GREG32572 6/26/2009 12:06AM

    Day 9


Today was not a bad day overall. I think I pretty much stayed within my calorie range. Its hard to say as I did not track it properly. I ate some Doritos's today...hard to tell how much...maybe 1/2 a bag..yes alot of calories to be sure Ill take credit for 1100. And then supper I put down a double quater pounder with cheese. In reality I had 2 cheeseburgers off the grill, one in a roll one sans the roll. So I figure
those calories SHOULD be about the same. Overall a great day. I got off my routine for the 2nd day in a row and I almost failed myself but at the last minute before midnight I am happy to say I did all my goals
I set out to do.

Nothing new to report I am still doing the same old same old, I am afraid many days might be like this so I
hope it doesn't bore you guys, you will have to pay attention to see which days are exciting *chuckles*
either way I will keep posting. Be well and be good to yourselves!!

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GREG32572 6/24/2009 12:14AM

    I wrote this for another post I did but really it covers my day so I am posting it here too :D


Well I learned a few things today. Mainly that ROUTINE is my key to success.

Ever since I started my plan of action I have had some difficulty completing all the goals I set for myself, I could not really figure out why I was just not doing it.

Yesterday it hit me I needed to move some things around. I go out in the living room and sit in my chair to read 5 pages out of a book and read my Tao of Recovery book, I could not figure out why I could not simply read one of the hand outs I have, well I discovered when I move the stack of handouts to the living room beside my chair and when I read those right after my books it works out a whole lot better *chuckles*

I also discovered I can be allot more successful in accomplishing my exercise goals if I do them after I do my meditation. I started doing 8 minute breathing meditation and I found that combined with the tapping helped me to get right up and go into my Tai-chi as soon as I was done with meditating, and as soon as I am finished with Tai-chi I launch into my gauntlet challenge of using the exercise video. I can't speak as to what might work for you but if you are having a hard time doing stuff don't be afraid to switch it up and do things in a different order, its almost like night and day simply by doing them in a specific order for me.

I also notice that since I am noticing some results from doing my push ups I want to do them. Granted they are wall push ups but its what I can do so I am doing it. The first few days my arms hurt so bad when I was doing it that I felt like maybe I was damaging myself, but I sucked it up and worked through it...4 days later it became easier to do them so I started doing a 4th set on the counter, that's lower so it makes it harder to do. Today I started doing 3 sets of 15, one on the counter (which is a challenge) one on the wall regular and one on the wall diamond style, let me tell you my arms were on FIRE when I was done and I couldn't be happier, I let out some 4 letter expletives that I can't mention here but I was pretty pleased with myself.

Find what works for you, I don't care what works for other people, I don't care what "experts say" and you shouldn't either, if its safe, its helping and it works for you who gives a crap what anyone else thinks? People love to sit back and tell you how your not doing something right or that you can't reach your goals doing it your own way, let them stick it in their ear, whatever it takes to get the job done safely and to ensure your on a road to better health so be it.

The choice as always is YOURS!!!


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JEZUZCHILE 6/23/2009 6:32PM

    WOW! WOW! WOW! THANK YOU!!!! U GO! emoticon

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GREG32572 6/23/2009 3:23PM

    Day 7

Not a bad day overall. I did just about everything I set out to do. I hit all my goals except read my handouts..I just need to change that up a little bit and I will be on top of it.

I pretty much stayed within my calorie range which is a good thing, I did have an interesting "side effect" I did my tai chi and meditation and I did my stretching exercises yesterday and I was feeling pretty good because when I hopped the scales I was down 14 pounds from the last time I weighted myself, now I assume it was the exercise and probably a little bit of losing some weight but my body remembered that it has a sex drive and that seemed to be revved up all day yesterday.

Now I am not trying to be inappropriate so please no one be offended, its just a fact of life and I am not talking about the actual act simply the desire too. I just wonder if anyone else notices when they exercise or what not if they get that reaction.

I am still not drinking anything with artificial sweeteners in it. I am on a tang and orange koolaide kick currently...its pretty good. I have realized I need to water down stuff even more..I can really taste the sweetness in stuff these days...so that's a good thing...

Oh I have discovered evil and its name is Jello Cheesecake snack. Good lord *chuckles* It should be in the dairy section with the other yogurt or pudding snacks...This stuff is SO good. I am not a big cheesecake fan but I needed something for a snack so I grabbed a 6pack. They are about 130 calories and 25 carbs 22 sugar so its not a "free" food by any means but darn is it tasty. It has this strawberry..ummm I don't know what to call it..."topping" I guess on top and the cheesecake stuff is below it..the only thing missing is I think I need to get some graham crackers to dip into it.

If you have a problem eating only 1 of something this might not be for you...but for the record I have not abused it..its so rich that 1 is more than enough for me. If you are a cheese cake purist this might not be 100% your cup of tea, like i said I don't really like cheesecake and this is delicious and 130 calories is really not a bad treat.

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GREG32572 6/22/2009 12:04AM

    Day 6

Again I went over the calories but only by a little bit this time. Pizza and breadstick combo really did me in 1200 calories!! those little monkeys will sneak up on you.

I actually posted this in another article but it really is about my day. the article was called:


Scary-Easy Ways to Eat 1,000 Calories

I get caught by this surprise almost daily. I know better but I get lulled into a false sense of security

Take today for instance I had 3 bread sticks from pizza hut no cheese or anything just bread sticks and sauce and then I had 2 pieces of pepperoni pizza. Now for me that's not a bad meal, I have had worse *chuckles* but that right there 1250 calories!!! I couldn't believe it when I added it all up. You have to be vigilant always, eat what you want but just realize the consequences of the actions. I love it when myself and other people say "I have no idea how I gained weight, I ate right but still gained" and we do fool ourselves sometimes I think. I know I do. I can't speak for anyone else but when I gain weight and I have been eating "right" something is off. I can either face the truth or go on fooling myself.

So just make sure you know what your putting in your mouth kids...its easy to rack up calories if you are not paying close attention..I think I am paying attention and do it anyways ;)


I don't seem to be doing my tai chi or reading my handouts but I am working everything else on the plan, I will get things fine tuned though and get it done, I have faith :) not a bad day I am pleased with it

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_CORTNIE 6/20/2009 6:06PM

    I live by the Tao. The Tao Te Ching is a wonderful wonderful book.

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GREG32572 6/20/2009 5:54PM

    Day 5

Not a bad day overall. I went over the daily calories I set for myself but what can you do? Little late to change it now all I can do is make sure I stay within today.

I lived on the edge yesterday I picked up a 20oz bottle of REGULAR Dr Pepper while I was at Walmart. I stood for for a few minutes debating if I should have it or not, my fear is I will get back to drinking regular soda and not limit myself to a normal amount. But I did it. Seemed to go pretty well, it actually lasted longer than a bottle of diet soda would have, well right up until the point I introduced the doritos into the mix then things seemed to move right along *chuckles*


I did my 8 minute meditation yesterday, it really surprised me how quickly the time flew..my mind kept wandering to how many minutes had passsed and what not but overall it was a very good experience.

I really need to incorporate some more exercise into my routine. The more I move the more I will want to move I believe

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GREG32572 6/18/2009 11:14PM

    Day 4

Not a bad day overall. Did not really eat "on time" like I should have but pretty much stayed in the calorie range one the less.

I need to slam my head in a drawer or something a few times to smarten myself up *chuckles* I realize my food choices are not the best and my body is definatly telling me something is off yet I keep repeating it over and over again. I think I am learning though slowly but surely. I feel like crap right now I ate a little bit too much tonight and I hate that sick bloated feeling, I knew I was headed for this but I did it anyways. I made the choice.

I am not really sticking to my plan as good as I should be. I dont think I set out to accomplish too much at once yet I still cannot complete the few tasks I did give myself. I need to re-evaluate things and figure out how to get things done, its just going to get harder and more intense the deeper I get into this so I need to get my crap together now, its not that I can't do it, I am just not doing it. I gotta pick up my game a level.

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GREG32572 6/17/2009 7:39PM

    Day 3

Well a decent day overall. I do need to tweak the plan a little bit, well correction I need to tweak myself a little bit so that I accomplish everything I set out to do daily.

I am also going to have to add some more stuff eventually, because in reality if I did everything that I was suppose to do I could bang it all out in 45 minutes (probably less) So despite being a little lazy and not finishing everything every day I am really not challenging myself...yet...

Food wise we did good. dodged going out to eat, I have been out 3 times this week and I am pretty sure my body is trying to tell me something, when I eat and my body sends it back to me and says no thanks then we have an issue *chuckles*


I stayed within my calorie range though so I am pleased. I actually probably had a few more calories as I made out with a bag of Doritos's this afternoon, it was only pg making out though, none of that NC-17 finishing the whole bag action or anything. Man can you believe 11 chips = 150 calories? That just doesn't seem right *chuckles* especially when they make them taste so good...But have been leaving the bag over to my mothers house so at least I got smart there.

Beverage wise I did pretty good for those of your interested. I found some Country Time Lemonade to go packs that I made up, I actually made that pretty much full strength (give or take) but I am not worried about it too much, I am mindful of it but I am not guzzling gallons of the stuff a day and its not really sending my blood sugar out of whack. Its kind of funny for all the studies that say artificial sweeteners and diet soda don't effect blood sugar my blood sugar has been excellent since I stopped drinking that stuff, I can't say scientifically or anything but my gut tells me I made the right choice.

Well I gotta lot of work to do as we gear of for the challenge I issued, those of you not aware need to read my Gauntlet challenge blog. I am going away this weekend so I need to be prepared to go on Monday like everyone else. I look forward to succeeding with all of you :)

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GREG32572 6/16/2009 10:22PM

   
Day 2

I am mad as hell darn it! *chuckles* I was just doing my daily calories and lunch took a large chunk out of day.

thank goodness the website blocks profanity otherwise I probably would not have any friends and be booted of here by now *chuckles* I feel like a fool saying darn it and geysum crow if I spoke what I really felt no one would read my ramblings *chuckles*

I was just a little shocked because I thought I did kind of well today. Ok look I know eating at pizza hut is not going to accomplish anything good for me but follow my twisted logic here *chuckles*

I only had 2 slices of pizza when normally I have more, I only had 2 cheese sticks, again usually have more and I ate 3 small hot wings. Now I knew that was going to add up but 1600 calories? geysum crow. The 2 slices of pizza for 1060 calories really trips me out...1 piece of pizza is over 500 calories? that just boggles my mind


I don't know why I am complaining I am still under the calories for the day, well I am probably at the line, I have this habit of eating egg salad or tuna salad in hot dog rolls I just don't know how the heck to track that yet so those calories kind of go by the wayside and don't get tracked. I know how to track the rolls its what I put in them that eludes me, I need to work that out and figure it out. I usually use the 6' subway tuna sandwich at about 500 calories to count for that...so I guess I am accounting for it.

I really don't know why I am so shocked at my calorie totals at the end of the day, I keep eating at mcdonalds and pizzahut and chinese however I am working on a little bit better level of control I don't binge on that stuff like I used too. I am cutting back and eating less instead of more like I used too. Its just one of those ways I think we lie to ourselves and then we are shocked about it afterward. Sure I had 2 slices instead of 3 or 4 but I could have filled up on more salad and only had 1 slice or maybe ordered myself some wings and not had any pizza at all..or I could have spoken up and suggested we get thin crust instead of pan. I had options I just did not use them. I lulled myself into a false sense of security thinking I was doing good for myself, which if you want to get technical I did, I am just miffed I didn't take it to the next level, but that's what learning is all about eh?

I did a couple of things which might be insignificant to you folks but I am sitting here marveling at them myself. I was over visiting my brothers today and he got some drinks for everyone and he handed me a can of diet pepsi (which I like) and my first thought was "don't be rude and tell him you don't drink it" but that's what I did *LAUGHS* I took it but told him I would rather have water I am not drinking the artificial stuff anymore, he gave me crap (naturally) but he got me a water, and then at lunch everyone ordered a soda but not me I was a trooper and stuck with water, and I didn't even use anything in it...straight water baby!!!


And before those of you who chomp at the bit to point out my mistakes get started..I KNOW if I want to have better days calorie wise I need to stop eating at fast food places *chuckles* I know it..I made the choice knowing full well and I did it anyways. I think I need nutritional guides WITH me for the places I go so I can actually see what my choices are in black and white, or color..whatever.

I am not giving up going out to eat, its a treat and there is such a kinship about sharing a meal..I just need to refine and make my plan better and I won't have to worry so much, well that's not true I need to be vigilant always...I don't need to be worried and stressed out about it, but I need to be on guard because the enemy within is always on guard and they will take any chance they can to strike

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GREG32572 6/15/2009 9:02PM

    Day 1

I have just noticed with much amusement that today, being the first day of my "new" experiment has probably been the, hmmm I don't want to be negative and say "worst" so I will say least productive. Actually production is any form is not even the issue its the food choices I made today.

I started off with my normal breakfast of a bowl of cereal, not bad yay me! Then I moved on 2 hours later to my morning snack of 2 bacon egg & cheese biscuits from mcdonalds which if you look at the calories one of those pack they are not forgiving so 2 of them together were not a good idea *chuckles* Still I wasn't doing bad there. Lunch was a salad and 1/2 a p'zone from pizza hut. Again not a great choice but not bad. I did have 2 packets of propel in my water..which do have those nasty artificial sweeteners in them but I figured its only once a day and not very often I can get away with it.

Then supper is where I ran into problems, my old nemesis/lover pizza showed up and we had it out
Pizza is like an ex-girlfriend, you are in a relationship and its dangerous to have her around because if you guys are alone bad things can happen
*chuckles* calorie wise I probably blew my daily calorie goal by...well lets find out *goes to figure it up* well about 800 calories....I have had days that were much higher than that, I am just a little disappointed in my choices. I really did not need the pizza for supper, well I take that back if I would have just had a few pieces I would have been set but my buddy asked if I minded if he left it with me, I did not even bat an eye I said SURE if you want too *chuckles* knowing full well what was going to happen, I had half a thought to give it to my neighbor but apparently somewhere that was vetoed

My first thought was "ooohhh ohhh because I drank those packets for lunch that must be it" could be but I seriously doubt it, the bottom line is I like to eat and eat and eat, the better food tastes is usually the less healthy it is for me the more I like it

**BTW Jeff if you perchance read this don't feel bad guy totally not your fault :D **

I just need to be on my game always, I can't let my guard down for a minute if I do I will slip back into old patterns so quickly I won't even realize it happened. VIGILANCE in the word of the day kids :)

I never expected to have everything run smooth, would be nice but that requires a level of discipline I have yet to achieve and even then life has a way of messing with you.

I hope others of you out there are working on your own plan even if you are just thinking about it. do something about it, you will thank yourself later I promise!!




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MAGGIEZ1 6/13/2009 9:15AM

  I know how hard it is I am five foot one inch tall and I weigh 279 pounds. It is a challenge for me to eat a little of something I go on a feeding frenzy a lot. Somehow eating makes me feel better temporarily then I feel awful and I eat some more. I wish you the best of luck.

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CHARLIESANGEL10 6/12/2009 9:20PM

    WOW!!! Now that is what I call a very thorough plan-----You can do it--stay the course.....you can so do it! I agree with other poster--book material here.

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CORRINER 6/12/2009 9:03PM

    emoticon What a well thought out and thorough plan. I am sorry to say that I hadn't thought about many of your details for myself. I sincerely wish you the very best luck on your journey to all your goals, even the 6 pack goal (LOL) Since you have a plan, there is nothing to stop you for working at that.
emoticon

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MISSBEAR11 6/12/2009 3:36PM

    Out of curiousity ... how many calories a day does SparkPeople say you should eat? You've got a great POA (plan of action lol). Now you have the plan in place ... you just have to work it. Good luck, you can do it! Yes you can, yes you can, yes you can! Have a great day, hugs.

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KSGROTHE 6/12/2009 2:15PM

    emoticon on making such a thorough plan! I like how you incorporated using the books and handouts you have into your plan. I have lots of books, some that I've started but not finished, but no plan on how and when to read them.

Good luck reaching your goals! With this POA, you can do it!

- Karen

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TCHRDEZ 6/12/2009 1:43PM

    Wow - I think you could write a book yourself with all your background knowledge. Best wishes to you - you might check out 6 week body makeover - I've been told it's very similar to a diabetic diet - you eat 5-6 times a day!! That's so hard for me to eat all the time - I tend not to take time out to eat until I'm very hungry and then I eat whatever - but pretty much the whatever is gone from the house. I say just do it! I'm also a Catholic but haven't been attending for a while - we go in spurts. I think you can do it without the gastric by-pass - I don't like the idea of you buying anything else - but you might check out the 6 week body makeover - it maps out your body makeup and then gives you a basic plan with lots and lots of options - basically you eat 2 oz of protein 5-6 times a day and a carb with every eating time plus a 1-2 cup serving of veggies at lunch and dinner - it does limit some choices based on the amount of sugars in them until you get to a maintenance level. Anyway - best of luck! You can d o it!!!! We can do it together!!! emoticon I love that you have a POA!

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