GREENBEAN17   6,024
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When life closes a door...

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Well hello Spark world. Long time no blog. To say that things have changed since January would be the understatement of the century. Where to start...

Medical wise, things are pretty much at a standstill. I had a medical evaluation board started on me at the beginning of summer. My doctor at the time felt that it would result in me being medically separated from the Air Force. I was good with this, in fact it's what I wanted. Steven and I were planning our wedding and would put in to have him PCS at the beginning of 2014. Well in July I was told that I was found 100% fit for duty and would be staying in. I was also told that I was depressed, had PTSD, that I was making up my chest pains ("phantom" chest pains was the new diagnosis) and that I was not to be on any limited duty/PT because of this.

What a total shock to the system. I think I spent quite a few hours crying and incredibly angry. I felt like the Air Force had failed me and was making light of the intense pain I was and still am feeling regularly. In the end (which I'll get to shortly), this could not have been a better outcome for me.

Also in the beginning of summer I received an assignment to move to South Korea in March of 2014 for one year. This is not a voluntary assignment, the only way to get out of it is to get out of the military. When it first came down, I was in the middle of my MEB and thought for sure I wasn't going to be going. I was going to be married and out of the military.

Fast forward to July when I found out my medical news, I was behind in my out-processing. I was scrambling to catch up and get on track with everything I needed to be doing and have done. I am now caught up and am excitedly and somewhat nervously preparing for my departure from the USA. I also found out where I will be going once I leave S. Korea... Italy!!

Now for the huge, mind blowing, heart crushing news. Steven and I broke up at the end of June. A mere 5 months from our wedding date, my wedding dress hanging at my parent's house and my venue booked and waiting. It was a huge shock to everyone in our lives. Neither sets of parents saw it coming, friends and other family were oblivious. Honestly, I don't think Steven thought I had it in me to walk away, but I did.

This is not the part where I bad mouth Steven and our relationship, but I will say there were numerous, big problems. From me being the only one to cook, clean, take care of the yard, take care of the dog, take care of our cars, etc. to the total lack of attention being provided. I would literally sit in my living room with Bella every single day and night by myself while he was locked away in the other room playing video games.

He also had medical issues (severe headaches) that he refused to seek help for. I tried to help in any way I could think of from reading books on the issue, meal planning and cooking differently to ensure he was receiving the proper nutrients his body needed, etc. He wasn't interested in finding a cure or fix for the so-called debilitating pain he was enduring.

All of these issues combined left me incredibly overwhelmed and feeling completely alone. We had many, many discussions about our issues and ways to fix them in hopes of repairing the damage that had been done to our relationship. But after a few days or a couple of weeks, things would revert back. I am in no way saying that I am 100% innocent and free from blame when it comes to the ending of our relationship. What I can and will say is I had to do what I felt was best for me and that was to leave.

We've now been broken up for almost 6 months. I have never been happier in my life. I truly believe there could not have been a better choice for me and I am incredibly proud of myself for making the choice I did. I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've actually sat down and really thought about it all since we split. We broke up on a Friday night and I moved out Tuesday morning. My BFF arrived in town (we were supposed to be doing wedding planning) Tuesday evening and it was a cluster of moving in and entertaining her for the next 2 weeks.

Things have changed so much in the past six months and sometimes I can't believe where my life has taken me. I am no preparing to move to South Korea in the next few months and I am counting down the months until I am living in Italy. I made the decision to stay in the Air Force and recently extended for 21 months. While I am incredibly sad to be leaving my family and my nieces and nephew and going overseas, I honestly cannot wait to start the next chapter of my life.

This next year will truly be all about me. I will be focusing on improving myself and really getting to know me. So until the end of February 2014, I will be spending some quality time with friends and family and enjoying my last Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and birthday in the good ol' US of A.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELLOYELLO01 11/22/2013 9:21AM

    My ex-husband was in South Korea for a year and while it was really hard being away from his wife and son (my son's half-brother), he had a total blast!! And you get to go to Italy for your next station?? Color me JEALOUS!! That's SUCH an awesome assignment! Good for you!

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MEGSMILEY 11/21/2013 2:05PM

    Good for you! I am so sorry yo had such a tough time- but well done for making the tough choices now!

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ALLIEALLIE2 11/21/2013 1:13PM

    Sounds like you are doing well friend! This is what life is about you live you learn, you make choices and changes and see where it goes! emoticon

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ZIZZZY 11/21/2013 10:32AM

    Life throws us many ups and downs, looks like you're handling them all with grace. It's wonderful that you're looking to the future with a positive attitude. Best of luck in all your adventures!

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RORYLYONS 11/21/2013 5:23AM

    What amazing choices you have made in your life for the better....Delighted to hear your in a better place emoticon emoticon emoticon now.....

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Sweating for the Wedding

Monday, January 14, 2013

Well hello there. I hope that Y'all had a good weekend and are feeling more awake than I am this morning. emoticon

It's been awhile since I've blogged, but I've been here. I haven't fallen off the wagon completely. I've still been going to PT when I can and have been hitting the gym when I can't. I've been working on my push-ups and my run time for my PT test coming up next month.

My eating as always sucks, but I've been consistently working on it more lately. I actually packed a big lunch for today. Chicken, brown rice, and green beans is 1 part, a big salad with chicken is the other part. I also have a granola bar, apple sauce, and oatmeal for breakfast.

Need to get better at planning and prepping my entire meals the night before as something always seems to come up last minute which leaves me scrambling in the morning.

I didn't get to go to PT this morning because I had to come straight to work, so I will be going to the gym tonight after work. I signed up with a trainer and I am beyond excited. I really think this is going to help me a bit. I love going to the gym and working out, I just hate going when I have no idea what to do.

This is how it normally goes... Going to run for 30 minutes doing HIIT because I need to work on my 1.5 mile time. Ok that's done, umm. I'll go upstairs and do some push-ups, cause I need to work on those too. Ok that's done. Ummm. Stretch. I have no flexibility so I'll do some stretching while I'm up here. Ouch, that hurt, time to go home.

Haha. I have the motivation, I have the determination, and I have the drive. The only thing I am lacking is some direction. I will look sexy as hell on my wedding day, and the days leading up to it (and after it too).

Will check back in once I get the info from my trainer. I seriously cannot wait to start!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELISELOVE1 1/14/2013 10:53AM


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STELLASMYBEBE 1/14/2013 10:49AM


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Still sick :/

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Well hello there. emoticon

Still here. Still sick. emoticon

I had been taking lots of emergenC, drinking tons of water, switching between day quil/sinex/allegra, and taking ny quil each night. I thought I was starting to feel better until I woke up Wednesday morning feeling like I did on Sunday morning. Boo.

I finally broke down yesterday morning and made an appointment to see the doctor. I went in at 1500 and he told me I have a respratory infection. He gave me a bottle of 60mg Sudafed, some nose spray, and a nasal rinse (I think). He told me to take my meds, continue with what I've been doing (lots of rest +lots of water) and annotate any temperatures of 102+. He also said if I'm not improving by next Tuesday to come back in.

I'm really hoping I start feeling better soon. I have a party on Sunday that I have to do and I need to get back to working out. I would work out this week while sick if my head wasn't pounding and my brain didn't feel like it was on fire. I feel like crap.

Anyways, I'm still here I'm just not doing anything but going to be at 7pm and working. Hope all is well with Y'all.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DANISURF124 10/23/2012 10:13AM

    Hope you feel better soon. I can't stand being sick. Ugh.

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TEENY_BIKINI 10/21/2012 10:44PM


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ZIZZZY 10/19/2012 8:55AM

    Sorry to hear that you're sick. Take it easy, rest and recuperate and you'll be back good as new. Maybe use the down time as an excuse to cuddle more with your cute pup!!

Feel better soon!

Comment edited on: 10/19/2012 8:56:34 AM

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WANABEFITNANA 10/18/2012 7:22PM

  Get better Soon! emoticon

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MARINEMAMA 10/18/2012 7:01PM

    Hugs!!,I hope you feel better and take the meds!!! emoticon

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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Just wanted to post a quick update.

Other than today the weekend went well. I got up early yesterday to go to my niece's 4th birthday party. It was fun and I got to see all the family for a bit.

Got home, relaxed and had lunch. Around 4:45 Steven and I headed for the gym. He needed to get in his 8 mile run. I did 45 minutes on the ARC trainer, he was still running. I stretched a bit and then did 20 minutes on the stationary bike. He was still running. I stretched a bit more and did some abs. He was still running. By this time my feet were hurting so I went out into the lobby and read the signs and info.

He finished his 8 mile run in 1 1/2 hours. He did good. Went home, showered, and relaxed a bit before bed.

Woke up this morning with seems like the flu. It sucks. My head started hurting, I started getting super congested around 3am. It literally woke me up and kicked my ass.

I have been on Day Quil, EmergenC, and Ny'Quil all day. Praying I feel tons better tomorrow. I don't have time to be sick.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and a good week to come.


Nutrition and Chipotle

Friday, October 12, 2012

So in my blog earlier today I mentioned that I was planning another blog to address my nutrition goals/findings/etc. Well, this is it!

First off, I'll be the first to admit that I slack hardcore on eating veggies and fruit. I eat way more pasta/rice than I should be eating, and more crap than is healthy. There are also days when I probably don't reach 1,000 calories consumed.

Let me first say, I know this is unhealthy and bad! I know my body needs more calories, I know this is a HUGE factor in my lack of energy, shyt of an immune system, etc.

Moving on. My plan is to batch cook to some extent on Sundays. Usually my Sundays are my day to relax, grocery shop, do laundry, prep for the upcoming week, etc. So after grocery shopping and while laundry is going I will batch cook some food for the week.

I've found that I enjoy chicken cooked different ways the most throughout the week. I think it is because you can prepare it so many different ways and really give it a completely different flavor. I also think I will be seperating carrots and other snacks into zip lock baggies for easy "grab n go" during the week.

Along with food prep, I plan to pack my lunch (and Steven pack his) the night before to save us time in the mornings. A lot of mornings we are running late and leave the house without lunch because we have no time. This will not only save us calories and keep us on track, it will save us $$.

We never really have any candy or cookies in the house. If we do have sweets it's usually ice cream which I can't eat (lactose intollerant). My weakness and cravings lie in the salty food. Chips, chips, guacamole, chips. I try not to keep those in the house because I know me and my self control. I will eat the whole baggy of guacamole because it is so delicious.

We've been doing really well lately with eating out. Not counting right before and during the Disneyland vacation, I don't remember the last time I had Taco Bell or Wendy's. That's big for us because we (like everyone else) can get super lazy and go the easy route. Easy doesn't always equal healthy (especially if there is a drive thru involved).

Fast food leads me to a big reason I wanted to write this very blog. Last night we went to Chipotle. I love Chipotle. I have an extreme love for Mexican food and could honestly eat it every single night and be fine. So we go and I get a burrito bowl (better than the burrito), no sour cream, tiny bit of cheese, salsa, etc. I was starving! We had just finished a run at the gym and exchanged my running insoles.

We got home with our food and I proceeded to eat the entire bowl. Yes, the.entire.bowl. I felt full and could tell I was starting to feel uncomfortably stuffed, but I kept eating. I ate every last bite and felt like shyt afterwards knowing I should have stopped way before it was empty.

This all lead me to a realization; a few actually. First realization, if I wait too long to eat (and thus feel like I'm starving) I will surely over eat every single time. Second realization, when I have that "I'm starving feeling" I should NOT be going to Chipotle because I have no self control and will not stop myself.

While I think Chipotle is an okay food and possibly (depending on options chosen) one of the healthier "fast food" options near me, I know myself and my self control when I am that hungry is non existant.

So there you go.

Since I posted my goals or my plan for my fitness, I find it only fitting that I do the same with my nutrition.

Water intake: I am good here. I drink a ton of water. I'm talking at least 80 ounces a day. Yes, I do have the occasional soda or beer or glass of wine. Good thing with me is I am no longer a "drinker". It's not my idea of a good time and my body does not recover from drinking a lot as fast anymore. I wind up with a hangover from hell for a couple of days afterwards.

Fruits/Veggies: Oddly enough, I am better at eating my veggies than my fruits. Weird, I know. I'm the girl who would pick the carrots or celery over an apple or broccoli over grapes. But, throw some watermelon into the mix and all bets are off. I'll eat the whole thing! So my goal here is to continue to eat my veggies, while upping my daily intake. As for fruits, I tend to be best off with apples. So I plan to get some apples to cut up and eat with peanut butter. Now I'm not putting a specific number to this particular section because I don't want to go too "balls to the walls" at first and fall off the wagon in a week. I want to give myself goals that I can constantly better.

As for the rest: I plan to up my carbs from veggies and lower my carbs from rice, pasta, and potatoes. I also need to work on upping my protein. I've never gotten in enough so I think the whole batch cooking chicken on Sundays will really help out here.

So there you have it. Nutrition, goals, and fast food. Happy Friday! Have a great weekend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARINEMAMA 10/16/2012 5:30AM

    Great plan! emoticon

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    Good plan. Good realizations.

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ALLIEALLIE2 10/13/2012 12:39PM

    Sounds like a plan lady! I am cheering you on...I think the planning ahead is the hard part and you got it down! Hope you have an awesome week emoticon

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