Thursday, May 27, 2010
After reading another Spark blog I started recalling my own childhood influences. My mom liked to cook and bake. We were a meat and potatoes kind of family - lots of beef and chicken. We also grew most of our own produce. We had apples, plums, lemons, quinces, loquats, persimmons, walnuts, berries, squash, corn, green beans, melons and probably lots of other things that don't come to mind right now. I loved to garden with my dad - he focussed on the fruits and veggies. I also helped my mom with all of her flowers. I never thought about how many calories we burned in those gardens. The work was just a part of who we were. So, it was ironic that my mom continually told me she didn't think exercise was important and that she didn't care if I did poorly in P.E. as long as I got my A's and B's in the rest of my classes. Cleaning our plates was expected. And that always included desserts. I can remember a time when I was trying desperately to lose a few pounds and didn't want dessert. That night she got so mad that she took the whole thing and threw it in the garbage. We all sat there dumbfounded. I never refused her sweets again. I learned to starve myself all day when she couldn't see and then eat all that she set before me in the evening. It was kind of a weird way to live, but it worked for me at the time. And so began my lifelong food issues. Through the years my weight has fluctuated quite a lot. Yet, my roots continue to influence me for both good and bad. I still love fresh fruits and vegetables. So, now that summer is coming I am eager for the farmers' markets to open. I still have trouble leaving food on my plate, but I've learned to better manage that one. I serve myself now so can serve myself reasonably. I also make an effort to leave at least a bite or two uneaten as I train myself that it isn't a sin to leave something. When my husband and I go out (rarely) we usually order one meal and share it. If we don't do that, we always bring home at least half. Or, if it wasn't that yummy we sometimes just leave what's left.
I took up running for fun in junior high and added tennis in high school. I always loved to swim but that has always been less accessible to me. I belonged to a gym for a few years before the MS made it difficult to do anything for a few years. Now I'm thinking of joining a gym for the summer. I have a few things here to use (treadmill, stability ball, bands, weights), but I would enjoy being with other women while I can. I now understand that my parents really got a lot of exercise just by managing home and gardens. My mom never understood this connection so thought exercise was useless. She is now 96 years old. She didn't get to that age by sitting and eating cookies all day long. Weight was never an issue for her. She was blessed with good genes and an ability to naturally manage her portions regardless of what she ate. I was adopted and when I met my birth parents as a 30 something it was interesting to see that they had both struggled with weight issues forever. My birth mom died the day before her 75th birthday. My dad struggles with many health issues, but is now 80 years old. Hmmm. Yes, environment is important. Yes, genetics count. But, I know we can reach our goals. For me it includes finding the right motivation each and every day of my life. I won't live in the past. I want to be here for a long and healthy future! I thank all my Spark friends for your encouragement and support. Have a healthy day!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Yuck! I ate some of the left over pizza from Chuck E. Cheese. Now maybe that wouldn't be an awful thing, but since I've now done that for the past three days it is pretty awful. I just can't bring myself to throw away perfectly good food, even when it's not so perfectly good for me. Does that make me a human garbage can? I think it is true.
Let me see what have a discarded into me these past few weeks that would have served me better to to into the actual trash can? Besides the pizza there was that order of fries the grand kids didn't eat, that last scoop of ice cream that was already suffering from a bit of freezer burn, those three little packages of cookies that nobody else wanted, that last bit of whipped cream, that pub mix snack stuff that nobody else likes, and those pieces of garlic bread that had already gotten a little hard to chew. Yes, I do believe I am a human garbage can.
As of this moment I resolve to no longer play that role for my family. Far better to throw it out than eat it up. Hooray, a new way to take care of me.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Our daughter's family left early this morning for home. The baby is recovering from her brain surgery and we are so thankful that she is doing as well as she is. Her brothers got her giggling yesterday. That sound was music to our ears. It was exactly two weeks since her surgery and we'd all missed that overflowing joy that bubbles from those little babies. Such a blessing.
Today I feel more tired than I can remember. I'm trying to get over the yucky 'bug' our grandsons brought with them. My sweet husband and I have both been on antibiotics. I think mine has been helping, but he has continued to get worse. He got in to see his doctor yesterday and now has full blown pneumonia. So, a change in drugs to one that is equivalent to an I.V. antibiotic. If he doesn't improve significantly in the next day or so, he will likely go into the hospital. Still, here he is helping to put our house back together after all the company these past three weeks. He does rest a lot between the little jobs. His doctor says going to bed is not what he needs to keep that fluid from continuing to pool in his lungs. Our bodies are pretty miraculous. I feel confident he will turn the corner soon and knowing him he probably will be back at work on Monday. I think he does so well in part because he keeps himself in such good shape. Rarely does a day go by that he doesn't get to the gym to lift weights, run, bicycle or some combination. Even though he has two ruptured disks he somehow manages to keep going. He is able to fight through the pain and keep himself in the best shape possible. He is a great inspiration to me.
As I see my husband struggle with the pneumonia and still keep going, it convicts me to get myself going as well. So even though the house if finally quiet once again and even though I'm exhausted, I intend to buckle down and drink enough water, eat the right calories and keep this body in motion.
Time to buckle down. Time to get up from this computer and log some steps. I'll never have another today to do what I know I need to do.
It is a good day here. I hope it is a great day at your house!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
O.k. so here I am wondering once more just why it is that the scale refuses to budge. As I review the food logs I feel pretty proud of myself. I stay pretty much below the target calories. Then I look more closely at the reports and a big oops glares back. I've been consistently under my target calories for sometime....in fact, pretty much the time I've been stuck. The other I realize is that I've been neglecting my water intake. Though I doubt I'm seriously dehydrated, clearly I'm not taking in enough to wash away all that yucky stuff. Granted, my mind has been filled to overflowing with other issues of life, but I'm determined to boost my health up somewhere near the top of my to do list. After all, if I want to be useful to others, I'd better make sure I'll be around to be of use.
So, chug, chug, chug, bottoms up everyone!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I've listened far too long to the woeful sobs of my 5 month old granddaughter. I get migraines often and know how much they can hurt. I've had three concussions and know how debilitating they can be and how long the pain can go on. But, I've never had my skull removed, cut into ribbons and repositioned and molded as has this little girl. It breaks my heart each time the tiniest bump leaves her shrieking and sobbing anew. Since her surgery nearly two weeks ago I've been very reluctant to complain about the various pain issues I continue to face in my own body. There is something about a tiny baby in pain that makes all my trials seem less important.
I can't seem to get the scale to budge lately. Perhaps the stress of little Ziva's pain has something to do with that. Perhaps not. I don't know and it really doesn't matter. I'm thankful to not be gaining...to not be reacting to Ziva's struggles by medicating my life with food. I pray countless times each day for the Lord to take away Ziva's pain, that her little head might be healed quickly and completely. I am thankful she won't remember any of this. I am thankful that I will. I will always remember the brave little one who has had such a rough beginning to life. I will remember her smiles through her tears. I will remember that when everything else seemed to be impossibly horrible, her mom (my daughter) could still comfort this little one. It is not unlike the way I feel comforted when I look at something of creation. My mind is calmed, my cravings lift, even the pain of a migraine or the nerve pain of multiple sclerosis are relieved in part when I remember how small I am, how brief a life, how quiet a heartbeat, how great our creative God. Yes, prayer and meditation can indeed calm so many struggles in my life. As I gaze into the dark pools that are Ziva's innocently trusting eyes, I see beyond a little baby...I see a loving God who cares enough to touch this little one with His presence. And, He touches my pain, my stress, my cravings, my mistakes and He truly can make all things that are broken in my life new once again.
Pain, pain go away and if it is possible, please don't come back another day. Let us live our lives one good decision at a time. Then, I suspect we can all reach the goals that are truly important.
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