Saturday, May 22, 2010
Our daughter's family left early this morning for home. The baby is recovering from her brain surgery and we are so thankful that she is doing as well as she is. Her brothers got her giggling yesterday. That sound was music to our ears. It was exactly two weeks since her surgery and we'd all missed that overflowing joy that bubbles from those little babies. Such a blessing.
Today I feel more tired than I can remember. I'm trying to get over the yucky 'bug' our grandsons brought with them. My sweet husband and I have both been on antibiotics. I think mine has been helping, but he has continued to get worse. He got in to see his doctor yesterday and now has full blown pneumonia. So, a change in drugs to one that is equivalent to an I.V. antibiotic. If he doesn't improve significantly in the next day or so, he will likely go into the hospital. Still, here he is helping to put our house back together after all the company these past three weeks. He does rest a lot between the little jobs. His doctor says going to bed is not what he needs to keep that fluid from continuing to pool in his lungs. Our bodies are pretty miraculous. I feel confident he will turn the corner soon and knowing him he probably will be back at work on Monday. I think he does so well in part because he keeps himself in such good shape. Rarely does a day go by that he doesn't get to the gym to lift weights, run, bicycle or some combination. Even though he has two ruptured disks he somehow manages to keep going. He is able to fight through the pain and keep himself in the best shape possible. He is a great inspiration to me.
As I see my husband struggle with the pneumonia and still keep going, it convicts me to get myself going as well. So even though the house if finally quiet once again and even though I'm exhausted, I intend to buckle down and drink enough water, eat the right calories and keep this body in motion.
Time to buckle down. Time to get up from this computer and log some steps. I'll never have another today to do what I know I need to do.
It is a good day here. I hope it is a great day at your house!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
O.k. so here I am wondering once more just why it is that the scale refuses to budge. As I review the food logs I feel pretty proud of myself. I stay pretty much below the target calories. Then I look more closely at the reports and a big oops glares back. I've been consistently under my target calories for sometime....in fact, pretty much the time I've been stuck. The other I realize is that I've been neglecting my water intake. Though I doubt I'm seriously dehydrated, clearly I'm not taking in enough to wash away all that yucky stuff. Granted, my mind has been filled to overflowing with other issues of life, but I'm determined to boost my health up somewhere near the top of my to do list. After all, if I want to be useful to others, I'd better make sure I'll be around to be of use.
So, chug, chug, chug, bottoms up everyone!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I've listened far too long to the woeful sobs of my 5 month old granddaughter. I get migraines often and know how much they can hurt. I've had three concussions and know how debilitating they can be and how long the pain can go on. But, I've never had my skull removed, cut into ribbons and repositioned and molded as has this little girl. It breaks my heart each time the tiniest bump leaves her shrieking and sobbing anew. Since her surgery nearly two weeks ago I've been very reluctant to complain about the various pain issues I continue to face in my own body. There is something about a tiny baby in pain that makes all my trials seem less important.
I can't seem to get the scale to budge lately. Perhaps the stress of little Ziva's pain has something to do with that. Perhaps not. I don't know and it really doesn't matter. I'm thankful to not be gaining...to not be reacting to Ziva's struggles by medicating my life with food. I pray countless times each day for the Lord to take away Ziva's pain, that her little head might be healed quickly and completely. I am thankful she won't remember any of this. I am thankful that I will. I will always remember the brave little one who has had such a rough beginning to life. I will remember her smiles through her tears. I will remember that when everything else seemed to be impossibly horrible, her mom (my daughter) could still comfort this little one. It is not unlike the way I feel comforted when I look at something of creation. My mind is calmed, my cravings lift, even the pain of a migraine or the nerve pain of multiple sclerosis are relieved in part when I remember how small I am, how brief a life, how quiet a heartbeat, how great our creative God. Yes, prayer and meditation can indeed calm so many struggles in my life. As I gaze into the dark pools that are Ziva's innocently trusting eyes, I see beyond a little baby...I see a loving God who cares enough to touch this little one with His presence. And, He touches my pain, my stress, my cravings, my mistakes and He truly can make all things that are broken in my life new once again.
Pain, pain go away and if it is possible, please don't come back another day. Let us live our lives one good decision at a time. Then, I suspect we can all reach the goals that are truly important.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Our granddaughter is healing a little more each day. Now here eyes are open again after her brain surgery ordeal a week ago. Though I can't remember when last I was so tired, it is a good tired all in all. I help take care of 5 & 7 year old boys and the baby as much as needed. She is so fragile and will be fore up to two more years. Then we don't know if more surgery may in her future. Now that the swelling is a bit down she's really looking more and more like her almost 5 month old self. What a doll. What a blessing. I can almost feel the stress falling away from all of our lives. We can take a deep breath and actually let it out again. Yes, her brothers are still sick, my husband is sick, and now I'm sick, too...throat, cough. terrible laryngitis...but in many ways I feel better than I ever thought possible a week ago. Our son-in-law most leave us tomorrow and the kids and our daughter will leave in two weeks. I will miss them terribly. But, this has been a long five months and we look forward to a little down time. I may go home with our daughter for a short time to help her with the drive and watch over the baby on the trek. But, for the most part the stress has dissipated. I am so thankful for the outcomes to date. Perhaps with the stress alleviated my body will stop putting out those nasty stress hormones that love to interfere with weight loss. I feel like I'm about to embark on this journey once again. This time I feel like we've been through so much that sticking to a healthy plan will be far less difficult than what we've had the past months. What stresses have challenged you along the way? Can you look to those memories to remind you how far and through what you've come. I hope today is a good day for you in every way. I suspect it will be a great day at my house.
Monday, May 10, 2010
My four month old granddaughter underwent very delicate brain/skull surgery three days ago. My daughter's family came to stay with us while the baby is in the hospital and until she is released to return home. This is such a challenging time. We had a baptism in our home for the baby two days before surgery. Preparing for that was exhausting after the many months of helping this little family in every way we could. My daughter underwent several serious medical procedures herself in the past few months. So much of my energy went towards caring for her three children and her as much as possible. We've had so much support in so many ways, but in other ways I feel pretty alone. My husband and I are exhausted and at times we feel we must walk on eggshells so we don't say the wrong thing to our daughter, son-in-law or their older boys. We so enjoy our time with these grandsons (5 & 7), but they are a handful. I have MS and my energy is not what I wish it could be. When I've been able to touch and even hold the baby briefly, it was such a joy. Her eyes are swollen closed now. She has stitches from ear to ear where her little skull was taken out, rearranged and repositioned. It is no wonder that her parents are besides themselves with worry. I pray. I encourage. I share updates with friends and family. I fear the worst and hope for the best. We keep the boys busy. For myself, the added exercise is a good thing, I think. It is the diet that suffers more. We try to snack healthy as much as we can. Yet, that cake from the baptism calls to me and I give in to temptation. It is a comfort to taste and remember that happy evening, that blessed time.
Every day is a gift. Though I may try, in reality I cannot give more than I have to give. I cannot change the things I cannot change. Sleep comes with difficulty. But it comes. I don't know what tomorrow might bring our way. Will the baby breathe on her own and be released to recover more in our home? Or will the hospital keep it's dark grasp on her little life? One day at a time. One moment at a time. The seconds tick away. Tonight it seems I will always remember every detail of this challenging time. I doubt that will be true. Details will fade with time. What do we take away from such experiences? There is much to learn. Love one another. Overlook the frustrations that surface from those we are so close to. They have to vent. Family should be a safe place to land. Try not to hurt those we love. Try ever so hard to not allow the barbs that come our way to leave lasting wounds. Let these trials help us to grow into the people we were destined to be. May we be stronger tomorrow than we were yesterday. May we care for others and ourselves better next week than we did last year. Preserve, protect, and recognize the worth of these lives we've been given. Be kind to one another and to ourselves. So much to learn, so much to give. Be willing to receive. Be willing to rest. Share hugs. Share hope. Enjoy the laughter. Remember. Be open. Be honest. Be careful, but not too careful. Today is a gift. Let us unwrap every precious part. I don't want to miss a thing. How about you?
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